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Post by Administrator on Dec 14, 2007 17:41:42 GMT -5
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Post by Administrator on Dec 14, 2007 17:33:33 GMT -5
Can you make note of that, then, please? xD
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Post by Administrator on Dec 14, 2007 16:34:22 GMT -5
All right. First off, can you split your history a little more? It'd make it easier to get through. Thanks! ^^
Second- Thread only just started falling three turns ago. And battles between Benden and Fort don't really happen above human settlements- more like over forests or plains.
And people in cotholds look to their Lord Holder, so her father wouldn't be running a small hold. Hierarchy goes Weyr>Holds>Cotholds, and it seems like Auryn is from the last one. Also, how does he he build the hole to get hot water? He'd have to dig down through a mountain, which might take a while for someone who isn't a miner. That sort of sophisticated system seems rather unlikely. I think Benden may be one of the few places that has that sort of thing, and it was built back when the technologically advanced settlers were around... I could check with Req if you want, though.
Is her father a Mastercrafter or journeyman? If he isn't any of them, I'm rather surprised he didn't send his daughter off to the Beastcrafter Hall since she has such aptitude for animals.
...And... Finally...
It isn't dragons who choose weyrmates. They just pick a dragon to Chase, and maybe stick around with, but riders can have seperate relationships. They might choose to keep their real lover around Flight time so they don't have to sleep with someone weird. *shrug*
Fix these and you're good! ^^
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Post by Administrator on Dec 7, 2007 6:11:37 GMT -5
APPROVED
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Post by Administrator on Dec 3, 2007 21:43:03 GMT -5
Looks good! Just so you know, Lighttower Hold absolutely despised Selenitas, so perhaps you could describe what her thoughts are about dragons and if she was ever prejudiced against them, etc.
Just also remember the requirement for male charries- not so much pressure yet, but just remember to bring in/adopt a male at some point.
Also, can you please seperate the colons and the beginning of each section? I'm mildly anal about this sort of thing. xD
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Post by Administrator on Dec 30, 2007 15:14:59 GMT -5
Looks good! ^^
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Post by Administrator on Dec 30, 2007 14:47:55 GMT -5
It's nice to finally see some new brownriders!! ^^
All right, so history. The Selenitas bloodline has been messed up for a long time, and they've been very dictatory for a long time until now. So unless Rok is several hundred years old, I don't think he's seen them go into decline. ;)
Also, Selenitas hasn't fought in the wars. That's mostly Benden and Fort's problem. Also, as Fath's last clutch took place in RPing, he wouldn't have Impressed one of those dragons. Are you referring to the clutch that Shmee Impressed out of? Since his age is three, I'm assuming so. ;D But this would make him 4, although you can pin the blame on me for that part if you want. xD;; I forgot to change Aslath's age.
As for Rath, browns don't normally tend to be hyper. They're usually chill creatures. He can still be happy etc, but maybe if he toned it down a bit? lol.
Just fix these up at you're set! I know it looks like a lot, but it's mostly my babble. xD;;;
Welcome!
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Post by Administrator on Nov 12, 2007 6:05:01 GMT -5
Looks good!
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Post by Administrator on Nov 23, 2007 10:38:59 GMT -5
Shweet! Now he's approved, take two. *snort*
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Post by Administrator on Nov 23, 2007 10:29:20 GMT -5
Either one is fine. ^^
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Post by Administrator on Nov 23, 2007 9:25:53 GMT -5
Oh crap, one more thing (I often make mistakes early in the morning xD):
Benden or Fort probably wouldn't be willing to pass around a canadidate from Weyr to Weyr, so do you think being Searched directly to Selenitas would be a good idea?
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Post by Administrator on Nov 23, 2007 9:23:44 GMT -5
'tis, 'tis!
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Post by Administrator on Nov 23, 2007 8:03:12 GMT -5
Welcome! ^^
Can you please seperate the physical and personality? It's easier for me as I'm looking through their profiles if I can just get straight to the personality without reading their appearance mixed in.
Fix that and you're all set!
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Post by Administrator on Nov 14, 2007 21:37:22 GMT -5
Shweet!
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Post by Administrator on Nov 14, 2007 18:56:57 GMT -5
The detail on how he got his nose broken isn't really relevant to the section.
Is he going to need Searching? Add those details and he's good to go! ^^
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