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Post by Administrator on Dec 12, 2007 9:50:47 GMT -5
I haven't gotten the page about the specifics of each Weyr written up yet, so it's not your fault. xP A lot of this has been developed through RPing and has yet to be updated. But it's definitely mentioned in a few of the other profiles around here, in case you're interested. ^^
The edits seem good, but I think I'd still like her to be kept under close observation. To make sure she wasn't too 'corrupted' by the Master she looked to. ; ) I also think that 'fame' is a bit too strong a word, even if her Master gets the credit. She can be intelligent and good at these sorts of thing, but they're not necessarily new things, so it'd be like someone excelling at a particular subject rather than inventing all sorts of new cures. Does that make sense? ^^
Oh, and can you please take the cliffnotes out? They're not really needed since we have a full description. ^^
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Post by Administrator on Dec 11, 2007 22:09:53 GMT -5
Killed in Siege of Selenitas
Aloha!
First off- she sounds really interesting! ^^
One thing to keep in mind is that in the north, girls are treated poorly. Cheeking off to the Masters, especially as a girl, would get her punished, regardless of her rages. Girls, though accepted into apprenticeship, might be cast away at the slightest misconduct even if they are really good, so she probably wouldn't have gotten a lot of grace in that department. So just be mindful of that. ^^
Doing all the extreme stuff also probably wouldn't have made her extraordinarily famous, because (a) she is a girl, and (b) healers are always saving lives, so she may not have been the subject of healer legends. As for the Masterhealer's successor, he probably wouldn't have chosen a girl to take under his wing-- unless he wanted her body, of course, which could turn out very interesting to a storyline.
Probably my biggest issue with this would be how she remained a journeyman after being kicked out of the hall. She would probably have been bumped back down to apprenticeship for such poor choices, and forced to go through everything all over again. One can't just be kicked out of the hall but keep their rank, you know? One thing Req suggested that I really like is that perhaps she could be sent away from the hall, as an apprentice, and be watched over by a healer at Selenitas. I think Kali or Trenlor could do that job very well. ^^
Also, one last little thing: Selenitas isn't the back of beyond. It's an actual weyr, with more people than some holds. So a "back of beyond" place would probably end up being a minor hold. Just thought you should know. xP
Thanks! You write well, btws. ^^
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Post by Administrator on Dec 3, 2007 21:57:16 GMT -5
Just remember to check you're grammar, but as everything else looks good...
APPROVED
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Post by Administrator on Dec 3, 2007 21:34:29 GMT -5
I think you should recheck the grammar in her history- there's one sentence in particular that looks extremely weird. Something about fatpreferingering or something. No idea. xD
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Post by Administrator on Dec 1, 2007 20:23:05 GMT -5
IM'd you my comments.
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Post by Administrator on Dec 12, 2007 22:29:12 GMT -5
Good good!
APPROVED
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Post by Administrator on Dec 12, 2007 22:20:31 GMT -5
Yeah- but back to the statement at hand (xD) is how you said things got lighter as he got older...?
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Post by Administrator on Dec 12, 2007 22:13:59 GMT -5
I was exaggerating. They're not all killed, but anyone who is suspected of being gay will be basically shunned. People who are try to hide it, and at Flights, people will deny sleeping with men. The few openly gay people are the most attacked. ><
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Post by Administrator on Dec 12, 2007 22:04:21 GMT -5
Benden isn't accepting of gays at all. They're homophobic, sexist, and evil. Especially brown and bronzeriders. And living a Weyr guarentees contact with riders, even if it isn't regular. I'm sure if someone found out, they would go out of their way to make his life miserable, like what they might do with a pretty weyr girl. Just understand that if he is open and out, then that's basically a death sentence in Benden... only without the death part.
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Post by Administrator on Dec 12, 2007 9:46:18 GMT -5
Even if he gains muscle, keep in mind that riders from Benden could and would gang up on him. I doubt anyone could fight hand-to-hand with several Benden riders and come out unscathed. If he tried running away, they would make his life hell if they ever found him, which wouldn't be hard since he lived in the Weyr.
The girl thing makes more sense now. ^^ They probably wouldn't help him if he gets into a fight, unless those girls want to be majorly abused by riders. Just something to keep in mind. ; D
You're almost there, don't worry! *waves a Go Lime flag* xD
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Post by Administrator on Dec 11, 2007 22:54:15 GMT -5
Sorry to sound like a nag (xD) but you're almost done!
As he grows older, I would think his problems with being gay would get worse since he's getting more open and the men of Benden are horribly tough and brutal. I don't think they'd lighten up at all. xD
And girls at Benden probably wouldn't think him adorable- men and women are two entirely different species there, basically. Women would probably be too weirded out to do much with him. But maybe he found a girl best friend or something? idk. xD
You'll be approved once that's straightened out. ^^ <3
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Post by Administrator on Dec 11, 2007 22:22:54 GMT -5
Is 6'3" the average height for a man? It's actually about 5'9". :3
And which Weyr did he originally come from? If Selenitas, keep in mind that there are no Lower Caverns. I suggest taking a look at the board "Waterfall and Canyon" to check out the real layout of Selenitas- we're much different than a normal Weyr. Also, Selenitas is really open about homosexual&etc stuff. So there would be very few people from whom he would need protection. However, northerners, Benden especially, really are disgusted by homosexuals in case you were planning on having him come from the north. xP
Apart from that, he's awesome. Just tidy up those areas and he's ready to go!
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Post by Administrator on Sept 15, 2007 20:51:11 GMT -5
APPROVED
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Post by Administrator on Jan 5, 2008 0:21:25 GMT -5
Yay better!
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Post by Administrator on Jan 5, 2008 0:03:14 GMT -5
I am not anal! *indignant*
Hokai, so. Very minor stuff. Be proud. xD
Can you elaborate on how his parents didn't really care for him? I didn't really get that vibe. xD
Apart from that, he's good! ^^
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