Definitely a Death Wish (S'rei)

[reqqy]

He decided not to argue with her about how Flights weren't really worthy of comparison to a good old-fashioned tumble, as that probably wouldn't be the best topic to focus on if he truly intended to leave the weyr still faithful to his weyrmate. Then she stopped in mid-sentence and he looked down at her, frowning slightly. That was odd. She didn't seem the type to lose her train of thought, but he figured it would probably be best to just leave it be for now. S'rei wasn't big on pressing people for information unless he absolutely needed it. Call him lazy - which, if you could believe Salenth, was almost definitely the truth of the matter - or whatever you will, but he just didn't care to expend the effort when people honestly didn't seem willing to talk about it.

The wingsecond relaxed after a moment when she didn't call him out right away. He didn't know how well-known it was in Benden, his association with C'leon. S'rei himself certainly had never done anything to promote the spread of that particular piece of information. Despite his undisputed reign, a lot of Benden riders did not like their Weyrleader - big surprise there - and the association in itself could engender hatred and certainly be dangerous to whoever had C'leon's back. Not that S'rei would call himself a supporter of the man. It had been more of a 'you're going to help us win this war, or we'll just send you back to Fort to face treason' sort of thing. Only Salenth's insistence that it was Benden they belonged to and that Fort was the enemy - that if Fort realized they were actually from Benden things would go badly for them - had inspired the defection at all. S'rei still wasn't certain it had been the wisest choice.

But Sage had come of that decision, and that made everything worthwhile. Bittersweet. So bittersweet.

Needless to say, between defecting from Fort, catering to C'leon, transfering from Benden to Selenitas and then becoming the Weyrleader at Selenitas - even if he wasn't currently holding that position now - S'rei was perhaps one of the most hated men in the north. Ka'rys had definitely been right to be skeptical when he'd said he just recently saw the Weyrleader at Fort. Both northern weyrs would likely burn him alive, but he was pretty sure Fort would find more creative ways to prolong his suffering before finally setting the wood alight. Didn't someone say you could judge your worth by the number of your enemies? Well, that was a foolish saying. It should read, 'you can judge your stupidity by the number of your enemies.'

Now, S'rei was the sort of man who liked to know his wingriders fairly well, and he'd led his wing for over two turns. It intrigued him to find that she was close to someone who might have been in his wing. No, from what she'd said, the man had been in his wing. Once. Either they'd separated, or the man was no longer in the land of the living. He debated. He didn't want to dredge up any bad memories, but...well, she'd been the one to bring up that topic of conversation. And he really did want to see if he remembered the man she'd been mated to. That might help him place her, if he had, indeed, ever met her at all. "What was his name?" he asked, quietly.

Why did he-? Well, that was a loaded question. He'd asked her personal things, though, and it was really only fair that he reciprocate. "Several reasons. C'leon and I didn't see eye-to-eye, but I had enough of a tacit following that he couldn't just come out and kill me over false pretenses. So Salenth and I needed to get out before he could come up with anything more subtle. Then there was Sage." The pain that entered into his voice could not be hidden, and he didn't try. "She wouldn't leave her wing, though I begged her. Flamed in a battle with Fort." Barely recognizable, her body. His fingers twitched, before lying still. "Sage was probably the only reason I stayed as long as I did. That was about the time when some of my memories started returning, too, some of the earliest ones. My family lived here. Salenth hatched here. It seemed the natural place to go, and so we went."

[kysseh]

She should not have been surprised that he inquired, but Aliscia still felt her stomach drop as S'rei requested his name. It took her a moment to convince her tongue to function, and when she did finally answer, her voice sounded just a bit choked. "B'rom... of brown Marth." The woman could not force herself to say anymore on the subject and fell silent, burying her face down against his chest and silently cursing her lack of control. A stupid sharding Flight, a quick tumble in the furs, and suddenly she was reduced to a sniffling wreck of a woman. She wanted to slap herself, but doing so would have drawn attention to the fact that she could barely keep her tears under control. She had not thought of her more recent weyrmate in... well, Turns. She had pushed the thought away, too embittered to properly grieve.

It was catching up to her now, and she just kept quiet, slowly going through her usual mental processes to bring herself under control. B'rom was dead... gone. The pain in her heart was insignificant. She had her life; she had Tanith, despite the fact that the green beast had gotten her into bed with a man that was making her face these things. She was away from Benden. Crying would not bring her weyrmate--either of them--back, and crying would solve nothing. After a moment, she managed to reduce her moist eyes to just a reddened state. There. That was better.

His answer to her question caught her attention, and she could not miss the pain in his voice. Sage... Sage. Her brow furrowed, and she was distracted from her own misery and pain. When he spoke about her being flamed in battle, she inhaled sharply. Sage! The greenrider... ohhh, but she did remember. She listened to the rest of his explanation in silence, wondering. He had come from Selenitas? He was made of sterner stuff than most of the riders here, though she supposed his time in the north had aimed him with that. His talk of memories returning... well, that only confused her. She was not going to push what she had no knowledge of, but Sage... Sage, she remembered.

"You were her boypet. I remember... I remember her saying something about you," she said quietly, and she reluctantly tilted her head up to look at his face. She had felt his fingers twitch against her as he spoke of her death, and she knew he must have loved her. She understood love... and loss. Granted, most would not get close enough to the prickly greenrider to gain knowledge of those topics, but seeing a kindred soul, someone used to heartpain, it set Aliscia's normal cautiousness aside. The woman had to chuckle lightly at the thought of such a big giant of a bronzerider being held and kept by a mere little greenrider. Then again, he had a woman barely out of adolescence yanking his chain now, so who could tell, really?

"I remember her. Lots of men. But she kept you, didn't she?" It was not as much question as simple statement, and she lightly rubbed her hand across the skin of his chest in a gesture of wordless comfort for the both of them. This was painful ground for them both. "Be glad you left when you did. It only got worse," she added quietly, almost jealous of him for the extra time of peace he had gotten to enjoy. She should have left Benden after B'rom, but... the loss of him, as well as of their child, had broken her spirit. She was glad that she had come now, though. It felt good to be held... be comfortable again.

[reqqy]

B'rom. B'rom. No, not one of the few he relied on, certainly, but there was still a niggling sense of recognition which caused him to frown slightly. As she turned into his chest, he instintively tightened his hold on her - not such that she was restricted, but almost as if he were attempting to shield her from the past and its hurts. It was by no means conscious. His thoughts had folded back, inward, in a method Kalierre had instilled in him as a lost young man with no memory before the river - no, not even Salenth had been known to him, not before that moment. To him, it was as if every man were brought into the world in post-pubescence, fully cognitive, with a second mental presence that both was and was not himself. A very, very confusing time. But Kali's approach to memory was effective - he could, given time, recall the exact shape and hue of a spot on a man's shirt on a given day - up until that mental barrier of the sequence of events before the river. And, in a matter of moments, the face formed, followed by a sequence of images.

Threadscored. Badly, badly enough that Marth never returned from Between. He was one of three that day, when such accidents were more common; Benden had been no better prepared for the unexpected return of Threadfall than any of the other weyrs. S'rei hated losing men. That didn't seem to change anything, though; he'd almost lost enough to reasonably believe he wouldn't remember them all, even using Kali's methods. That didn't make it any easier. It did allow him to acknowledge - to a point - that some things were simply beyond his control. He could not visualize for Marth and B'rom, could only train his wing, not fly for them. Still, he took Aliscia's pain personally. He would have kept it from her, if that were possible. S'rei had the urge to apologize to her. He didn't. It would have been to make himself feel better, and would only force her to deal with the memory longer. His hand merely ran the length of her back, gentle and firm, waiting for her to return to the present.

At her words, a nostalgic smile. Strange smile. Fond smile, but the look in his eyes was a quiet darkness. It hurt. It would always hurt. But the grief had been dealt with, in its fashion, some turns before, and he could speak of her and remember her in the entirety of their association and appreciate what they'd had (no matter how unconventional). At least for a time. Boypet? Yes, she'd called him that upon occasion. Among other things. He'd been an eager youth, at the time, and his love for her had begun as one of those silly little crushes all boys seemed to get. She'd made him feel special. Taken care of. Now, he could acknowledge that much of the way he dealt with women - particularly in a romantic setting - was a direct result of that first relationship. He naturally took the supportive role. Not necessarily the best thing, all the time, and he was beginning to break away from it, but the fact remained that he didn't challenge unless he felt there was overwhelming reason to. This was...probably causing some problems in regard to Shmee. But it was really difficult to break free of a pattern of behavior. Really difficult.

"She called me her pet in public, too, eh?" he questioned, a touch of amusement in his voice. "I suppose it would have been obvious enough." S'rei met Aliscia's gaze with a little smirk. "Yes, I was the trained pup she kept in her weyr. They say jump and you say how high and all that." The expression faded into something more serious. "Salenth and I weren't well-loved in the higher echelon of colors. We embarrassed them - I embarrassed them - I think. But I never had a shortage of people willing to support me amidst the blue and greenriders. I wasn't forged in the same crucible as the normal northern bronzerider, and they saw it as a chance to remake me into something different. Sage contributed to that the most. I didn't really mind, you know? It was nice to be welcomed by anyone. Anyone at all." Shrugging, his gaze slid away, the man suddenly self-conscious. He didn't usually talk this much about such things. It also painted a very weak picture of him - only part of the truth, but a part just the same. S'rei could be authoritative when he needed to be. Had been, as a Wingleader. He just - didn't care for most of those strong-arm tactics. It was far easier if people did as you asked because they respected you, even liked you, than through fear. Fear would eventually fade. And then what did you have? A bunch of angry people ready to slit your throat at the first opportunity.

Glancing at Aliscia, he smiled tightly. "Yes, well, it only got worse here, too. I think that's the general state of Pern." S'rei struggled to fight off the broodiness that threatened to overtake him. Ever since the war began when he was a young wingrider, things had been going downhill. Swiftly. Selenitas riders could pass to the north freely when he'd first been packed off to Benden by an angry Sera. No, the north still had little love for them, but there was little in the way of physical danger. Not anymore. Death was the order of the day, and Selenitas was the unclaimed ground. Not as bad as living in Fort or Benden, never that. But it wasn't safe, and there was no guarantee that their relative peace would continue for much longer.

His mouth quirked. "You should hit me. Here I am, lying here with a nice, soft woman in my arms, and thinking about war. Surely there are better things to talk about."

[kysseh]

Aliscia felt his hold tighten on her, and her heart hurt as she realized that he did remember the quiet and steady brownrider. His almost protective grip on her made her hunch and cuddle in closer, if it was even possible. She was under control now, her tears receded. The warmth of his hand comforted her, and she arched her back into his touch, making a small noise of contentment and curling one hand around his neck. Her eyes watched his face, seeing the darkness in his eyes. The thought of Sage troubled him. He grieved still, and it surprised her. Though... considering how the woman had died...

"You should not be ashamed of being sensible... and decent," she told him, her smile touching and easing the sadness in her eyes as she lightly stroked the back of her hand against his jawline. That he looked away communicated his discomfort, and she wished that he had been someone she knew back in the war-torn weyr. His amusement, if haunted by grief, at Sage and her tendencies was obvious. The woman had never overtly called him her pet, but... "We made our own conclusions. And I have no complaints to make. She taught you how to be considerate, which is more than women get out of most northern men." If her tone was a tad bitter, it was understandable.

He seemed to have recovered well, despite his loss. He was doing well at Selenitas. He had a weyrmate... a child. She envied him for recovering well from Benden's interference. She wanted to reassure him that he was a welcome change from the rest, but his attitude suggested that he already knew. Telling him was only going to bring about a circular discussion of the same heart-wrenching things, and as chillingly easy as it was to trust him, Aliscia wanted no more part of such sad conversations for now. He was too warm, too comfortable, too male... and she would rather discuss happier things.

They were troubled, both of them, and the overwhelming pessimism of the whole situation bothered Aliscia. She had never been like this in her youth. Had S'rei always had such dark thoughts? No... losing someone so precious broke something inside one's heart, and she gave him a gentle smile, reassuring them both that life went on, despite their losses. His sudden quirk of the mouth had her tilting her head to regard him curiously, and then she propped herself up onto her elbow to look him in the face, one eyebrow gracefully arched. Ohhh.... perhaps she should hit him.

"I'm sure there are. However, I should hit you... if only because you have the nerve to call me soft," she drawled quietly, her eyes glinting with mischief and relief at the distracting change of topic. Yes... she knew how to tease and play, and she moved her hand down to his side, tickling lightly at his side with her graceful fingers. She had no idea if he was even ticklish or not, but the need to lighten the mood was overwhelming. Besides, she had always enjoyed a good ticklefight, and it seemed a satisfactory punishment for his less-than-insulting statement. "Haven't you figured out how supremely tough Benden greenriders can be?" Her tone was teasing now, and she nipped impudently at his wide shoulder, her glare softened by the fact that she could not quite stifle a chuckle. Silly great bronzerider... fighting with such a tough opponent. He should know better than that.

[reqqy]

Her expression - it almost mirrored what he felt inside - and he couldn't quite suppress the tremble that overcame him for a moment. The hand on his jaw had drawn his eyes back around, and now he found himself unable to look away. It wasn't really attraction. Nothing that bestial. No, it was more recognition of something he hadn't paused to - or wished to - see just a moment ago. He could have kept his distance so easily if he simply hadn't looked at her. There were just so few that both understood what it meant to lose a weyrmate and who handled the loss in a way similar enough to him that he could acknowledge them as a kindred spirit. For a brief, wild moment he just wanted to draw her up, to bury his face in her neck and allow her to comfort him. To comfort her in return. The feeling passed.

The mood lightened a tad as she brought up Sage again, speaking of the impression the woman had left on S'rei, and the man was finally able to crawl out from under her spell. His chest moved with the first expelled breath since she'd touched his face, and he smiled a somewhat tremulous smile. He pushed a strand of hair out of her face. "You're not in the north anymore," he murmured, softly. "Most men won't be like that here." They'd still be men, with all that entailed, but the sort of careless cruelty she was used to wouldn't be an issue. Well, maybe with A'noan and a few of the others, but on the whole southern values were much different than northern ones.

Grunting quietly as her weight shifted to her elbow on his chest, he blinked up at her. He'd been joking, truly, but it looked like she was seriously considering having a go at him. Well...it certainly wouldn't be the first time. But he had to wonder why she'd want to, since it wasn't like he was about to fight back against a woman unless they just refused to stop or she looked like she might maim or kill him if he didn't defend himself. Both of which seemed highly unlikely in this case. S'rei had quite a bit of patience when it came to this sort of thing; he had to, to be weyrmated to Shmee.

Soft? That's what was botheri- No. Clearly, by the look in her eyes, she was enjoying this. He was still a tad confused as to what she was up to. "Well, you're not hard," he protested, still a bit confused. That was when her fingers traced over his side. He jumped, trying not to laugh as he moved his hands in an attempt to protect his flanks from her questing digits. Now that wasn't fair! He didn't at all mind getting into the game after such a heavy topic, though. Not at all. "It was a compliment!" S'rei whined, affecting his best 'innocent boy' face while still trying not to laugh. Her teeth nipped at his shoulder, and S'rei pinched the greenrider on the arm in retaliation, schooling himself not to writhe as her fingers were given free rein for a few precious moments. Totally not fair. He'd always been very ticklish.

[kysseh]

Aliscia chose to ignore the tremble in his smile, his body, as she spoke. He had let her moment of weakness pass, and she chose to do the same for him. It was the least she could do for him, the least she could allow him to get away with. That did not stop her from giving him a smile of understanding, even if he refused to look at it. The way he stroked her hair from her face and quietly pointed out what she already knew only made her wrinkle up her nose in distaste. Well, perhaps most of the men would not be, but she would rather not take the chance. That one bronzerider had looked particularly shifty, and he seemed the kind that she would like to gift with a swift emasculation should he ever think to put a hand on her. That was, of course, provided that he got close enough to touch her. Her knives were frighteningly accurate when thrown.

Ahhhh, so he looked surprised, as well as a little confused by the sudden turn in the mood. She shifted her weight a bit to lie more fully atop him, chin resting flat on his chest as she stared up at him. Should she be merciful and allow this moment to pass so they could return to simple cuddling? He had thwarted her attempts to caress him earlier, and she strongly suspected that he wanted to not get into any more trouble with his weyrmate. The greenrider thought it was a bit too late to be worried about that, and surely, a little petting would not be too dangerous. Anyway, if he got too upset, he could stop her, but Aliscia was too much enjoying his reaction to stop. After such dark thoughts, a little laughter would help them both.

His protests had her chuckling wickedly, arching one eyebrow. A double entendre was on the tip of her tongue, but she let it slide away in favor of something a little more direct. "No... not hard. Tough. Not soft," she replied, tightening up her abdominal muscles to prove a point. There was no way he could not feel that, not the way she was sprawled atop him. No, this greenrider was anything but soft and pliant. Unless, of course, she was touched properly, but he seemed a little hesitant to do that, especially when he bucked at her attempts at tickling.

Ohh, she had him distracted now, and her grin turned triumphant as she freed her other hand to tickle and tease his other side, unable to contain a laugh as he tried to shove her hands off. His attempt at innocence was spoiled by the fact that he could not wholly disguise his amusement, and she affected a look of mock snobbery, which was altogether ruined by a rare squeal as he pinched her arm. Her playful spirits now fully roused, she took advantage of the gap in his attention to tickle more furiously, massaging the pads of her fingers into his sides to try to elicit some laughs from him. "That the best you got?" she inquired of his attempts to halt her. "Surely you can do better..."

[reqqy]

Now what was that expression? Did she not believe him, or was it simply in response to the undeniable fact that men were...well, men? In the end, they really only had one thing on the mind, even if they adapted that to better accomodate the fairer sex as a lot of them were capable of. S'rei could readily acknowledge that. Shards, how could he not? As far as men went, he was probably one of the worst when it came to that particular drive. A small smile touched his face. Oh, yes, he'd had quite a reputation those first turns as a dragonrider here at Selenitas. And among the outlying holds. It still amused him, actually, considering Rocest had caught him...well, there was no better word for it...peeping when he'd made the trip with his father as a weyrling. The Lordholder didn't seem to hold that against him. Thankfully. Truly, though, as a pre-pubescent bronzerider coming into his physical maturity during weyrlinghood, what did they really expect?

Her lying fully on top of him didn't really help with his confusion any. He hadn't been noticing the feel of her all that much, with his mind on more serious things, but he was beginning to notice it now in his uneasiness. That wasn't...good. Strangely, though, he couldn't call it bad, either. S'rei's eyes narrowed, his gaze searching hers questioningly as he felt her stomach muscles contracting against him. Was she doing this on purpose? It didn't seem highly intelligent on her part, because she had to know that there was no possible way anything could develop between them. Even if he didn't love Shmee, having the Weyrwoman mad at him - and likely Aliscia, too - could be nothing but detrimental. Especially when he had a daughter to think about.

The tickling was getting to him fairly quickly, even if he didn't like that she was laughing at his rather half-hearted attempts to get her to stop. Part of him was afraid that they'd go back to dark discussions of war and death, and he didn't want that. Another part of him? Well, he liked her hands on his sides. S'rei closed his eyes. That wasn't bad in and of itself, right? It just felt nice, if vaguely uncomfortable because he really was sensitive along his ribs. Nice little squeal though, he must admit. The bronzerider was about to press his advantage when her hands worked at him more feverishly, and this time he couldn't supress a laugh, writhing a little - though a part of him remained enough in control that he was careful not to get too wild lest he hurt Aliscia.

After a few failing attempts, the man managed to capture first one wrist, then the other, quickly pulling them together and holding them in the firm grip of one large hand. He smirked a bit at Aliscia. "Better, eh?" His free hand attacked her ribcage, now rather exposed since he had her arms above her head, his left leg bending up so as to steady him more and allow him to tickle her with more vigor. Oh, she might be able to break free - if she could control her squirming through the tickles - but that would only make it more amusing for him. He welcomed her to try.

[kysseh]

Aliscia was momentarily put off by the narrowing of his eyes, the question in them as he watched her. Was he expecting her to be docile and take his teasing without fight? He must be too used to that soft, desperate girl of a weyrwoman. That, or he just did not want to put himself in a position to be tempted. Well... shardit! He had been touching her all along, stroking her, and even if it was only in comfort, she was just a weak-willed woman and could not help but return the favor with some sort of physical affection.

... All right, the weak-willed part was a complete an utter lie. She had as strong a will as she wished to have, which at the moment was rather pathetic. To be quite candid to herself and in all fairness to him, the neediness she was feeling was borne of deprivation for so many Turns and appreciation for the gentle enthusiasm of his touch. She was attracted to him, at least for the moment. Yes, his heart was spoken for, and she had no intentions of trying to wreck that for him. If the poor man had experienced heartbreak like she had, then she was loathe to ruin what happiness he could derive from his life here. No, he deserved a spot of brightness after what Benden had coast him.

But... that did not solve her immediate problem of what to do, and when his eyes closed, she knew this was rapidly moving away from innocent play. Granted, it had not been wholly innocent to start with, but now, when he began to laugh and squirm his body around, it became something a little more insinuative in nature. And shardit, but her body was responding to that, even if she only halfway wanted it to. There was no way he could miss what was poking him where their chests were smashed together, and she could not control her laughter at his reaction to her fingers dancing along his ribcage.

Then he intervened, and Aliscia was surprised by the sureness with which he took hold of both wrists and kept them in one of his large hands. She tugged briefly with her arms in an attempt to free herself, though she quickly realized it was futile. He had enough strength in one massive hand to pin her flat, and while that should have irked or frightened her, the way he was smirking at her relieved any momentary flash of fear that passed across her face. No, now her eyes were darkening, and she followed through on the childish impulse to stick her tongue out at him. The big, great overbearing-

She squealed again and began to wriggle atop him in a futile attempt to escape, though his big hand had her hands quite firmly trapped and held above her head. She was well and truly stuck, and as she wriggled, she found herself faced with only a few options. Fight him off--unthinkable, really--, wriggle and plead until he took pity--which would require a sacrifice of pride--, or wriggle until he released her or did something about the fact that he had a willing woman thrashing around on his chest. Said woman was also getting rapidly more excited by the feeling of skin sliding over skin, as much as she tried to not make it so obvious. Still, her gasps for air between squirms were telling in their intensity, which only made her squirm harder, arching her back and twisting in a futile attempt to get away from that seeking, torturing hand. Ohhh, this was not fair!

[reqqy]

He was deceiving himself. On so many levels. And, even though S'rei knew it, he somehow managed to convince his conscience that what he felt against his chest was nothing but harmless fun, that the blood beginning to rage through him was merely in response to their little playful struggle. Or maybe his inner voice had just given up in utter disgust. Regardless, her expression as he captured her and shifted the balance of power was absolutely priceless. She was surprised! Just because he seemed generally docile didn't mean the extra weight and muscles were all for show. Of course, if this were an actual fight she'd be less at a disadvantage. Sort of. If this were an actual fight, S'rei wouldn't simply be holding her and going after her ribs.

He flicked her on the nose at that silly expression, laughing. "Put that away, girl." Ah, but she was bucking quite violently now, trying to get away from his fingers. He tickled along her hip, her flank, her ribs, loving how desperate she sounded. Loving the feel of her. His eyes glazed slightly, the man attempting to use his leg to try to capture her a little more, but it didn't work so well, and he just found that she was sliding up and down his thigh as well as all over his chest. The sounds...Faranth, but he knew, on a subconscious level, where this was going. More, he knew that she was ready for it to go there. And his body was all too willing. Aliscia was so sharding comfortable with him he couldn't help but respond.

With a surge of power that she likely felt through the length of his body, he rolled them both over, her arms still pinned above her head. He knelt on either side of one of her legs, his free hand coming to rest on her stomach. S'rei's eyes traced the lines of her face, drinking in her expression, almost carressing the scar. Then they dropped in a slow survey of every inch of her body. No, she was not soft like some women were. Her body was trained. Powerful, despite its small size. But then, she was soft enough, in the right places, and he could find nothing that he did not like. Though that might not have been his rational mind speaking, there. Leaning over her, he wanted her lips...no, wanted Aliscia. He wanted this woman who had responded to him more enthusiastically than - than

When S'rei's lips fell, they brushed her forehead, even as he released her wrists. Oh, it was immensely obvious that he wanted her. Didn't take a ton of intelligence to figure that one out, when the evidence was clearly there to see. But, just the same, he released her, and there was an apologetic look to his gaze. The bronzerider didn't...do this...Not only because it wasn't fair to Shmee, but because it wouldn't be fair to Aliscia. All she might want was one night, but how was he to know without asking her? He couldn't push himself at her and then just expect to walk away. "I'm sorry," he stated, meeting her gaze. "I want to. But I can't." A sharp, wry smile tugged at his lips. "You're too beautiful for your own good, woman." Too beautiful. If he didn't move...

There, his legs responded, and S'rei slipped out of the furs. It took him awhile to locate his trousers, which he didn't even bother trying to put back on before he retreated into her bathing room. It was several minutes before he returned. The man came to sit on the edge of her bed, looking down on Aliscia and hoping he hadn't offended her. He liked the woman. She was a breath of fresh air, and she was old enough that they could understand one another - to a point. She just...wasn't the one he loved. Despite all the problems he and Shmee'd had, were still having, S'rei simply couldn't bring himself to make this step. Even though she'd never know. "You okay?" he asked, softly.

[kysseh]

Aliscia should have been insulted by his new little nickname for her, but it only made her more impudent, gutsy enough to waggle her tongue at him. Her impudence only lasted a brief moment, though, for her furious writhings only increased as his efforts to restrain her became more.... enticing. She slid against his thigh with reckless abandon, not the least bit ashamed of the fact that she now wanted him. He was a good man, a considerate lover, and there was no reason a woman like her, with a healthy appetite for affection that had so long gone unsated, should be hesitant to enjoy that. The look in his eyes told her that he was similarly responding, and she gasped breathlessly in response. Shardit... why wasn't he-

She inhaled sharply at the feeling of power that rippled through him as he rolled them both over. She wanted to fight him, fight the grip of his hands, but then he was kneeling on either side of her, his weight off her. The muscles of her abdomen contracted sharply under his touch, and her lips parted in a quiet moan. Yes... now he was touching her! His size was impressive but not intimidating, not when his touch was so obviously aggressive. She watched him look her over, her chest heaving with each breath as she struggled to get herself under control. He was leaning over her now, and she tilted her chin up, fully expecting him to continue their dance, her back arching in anticipation.

Then his lips brushed her forehead, and the firm grip on her wrists was gone. It took her a brief second to realize what was going on, and when she did, she groaned in unhappy frustration. The fact that he had the good grace to look apologetic only helped a little, for her body was on fire and begging for her to do something with him to quench that need. She let her wrists remain up above her head, just watching him with eyes dark with lust... and then with obvious upset. His words fell on uncaring ears, and she remained still even as he offered compliments to ease the sting of his rejection. She had been a considerate partner, hadn't she? She was not asking for much more than a little time now. It was the middle of the night! He was going to go awaken his likely-infuriated weyrmate instead of just enjoying a little time?

"Obviously so," she muttered bitterly in response to his comment about her beauty, watching him as he retreated. It was obvious he wanted her... that he wanted affection and attention. She groaned and rolled onto her stomach, tugging the blanket up to her shoulders and nestling down beneath it. The unfairness of it all was painful. If this was punishment for tempting him, then she thought the retribution was pretty well overdone. All she wanted was a night... a little time, just some enjoyment, and that was going to be denied her. She wanted to hate him for it, but considering how furious his weyrmate likely already was, she supposed she could not fault him for trying to stay out of further trouble. Not that the stupid woman would know... unless he decided to open his mouth.

She heard him return and looked up at him, unwilling to roll over again to face him properly. No, she was comfortable just this way, thank you. Then he had to speak, and she sighed softly. The woman was far from 'okay', but she was not going to guilt him that way with sulking. She had more manners, more dignity, than that. "No. But I think I understand," she said with a reluctant smile, shifting a bit beneath the cover of the blanket. And she did. That did not mean that she had to like it, though. He seemed... well, at least a bit reluctant, which eased her bruised ego. She wanted to reach out and touch him but was not sure she could handle it if he removed her hand again. No. It was best if she just let him do his leaving without her making it more difficult, despite how tempting that option was.

[reqqy]

S’rei ran his hands through his hair, pausing in the middle of the gesture and just leaving them on the top of his head. Closing his eyes, he sighed quietly. Why had he allowed it to get to that point? Worse, his usual mental processes hadn’t been enough to put a stamp on his excitement. He was more than just a little frustrated that it was only with the image of Shmee that he’d managed to get his body back under control. Why was he denying himself for someone who generated such overwhelming distaste inside him? Why was he denying Aliscia? It didn’t matter, the why. Even not knowing the reason, he was certain it would happen just the same way if he chose to attempt it again. And that was only if the greenrider was willing. No, he wasn’t going to pull that again. Better to slam your head against the wall a half-dozen times.

Strangely, the bronzerider only felt more frustrated because Aliscia so obviously was. Her eyes still pried at him from beneath closed eyelids. Anger, disbelief, acceptance…all swirling in there. No, he shouldn’t have let it get as far as it did, if only because that was teasing the poor woman and then leaving her unsatisfied. If it was him, it didn’t matter so much. Faranth knows he endured that on a regular basis. But going that far while knowing that he couldn’t go through with it? That was cruel. Par for the course. He’d been doing a lot of that sort of thing lately. Was it just generally because he was both frustrated and perpetually weary? Or had he changed so much in the intervening turns that life here at Selenitas just didn’t fit anymore? Perhaps all of that was true, though he doubted it was the full truth.

Her honesty needled at him. Shardit, this would have been easier if Aliscia had just been angry. But no. She had to be sympathetic on top of everything else. S’rei attempted to return the smile, but wasn’t sure if it was successful or not. He let his arms fall back down to his sides. He didn’t really want to go back to Shmee. He should go. The man scowled at his own jumbled thoughts. Well, there always was the office, and the cold, hard floor or the equally unyielding wooden chair. That was hardly any better. He’d be sore all the next day, old man that he was becoming. Shards, he’d probably be sore all the next day from the Flight, anyway. Maybe it wasn’t so big a deal.

It would be nice, though…For the first time in a long while he felt wanted, accepted. He couldn’t force whatever part of himself refused to take it that one step further to his will. But maybe? Looking to Aliscia, he felt amazingly awkward asking the question, but really, what was the worst that could happen? The knife was still there…That almost made him laugh. “Is there any chance you’d consider – just letting me hold you until we both go back to sleep?” He pushed a loose curl out of his eyes, a certain shyness in the whole request that was reminiscent of an untried youth, rather than a man of thirty. “I know that’s asking a lot.” S’rei moved to stand, running his hands down the front of his thighs in a purely nervous gesture. Why was he being so silly? Should just leave.

[kysseh]

His actions clearly displayed his frustration, and Aliscia had to wonder if it was with her or himself. Some selfish part of her was glad that she was not the only one in that situation. She was all stirred up and ready to go, and though she could relieve it a bit on her own, it would not be nearly as satisfying. She missed having a good, decent man in her bed, having someone to cuddle up to and kiss and snuggle with to relieve the frustration. Truthfully, though, she missed having someone who would listen, who would talk to her and let her vent her frustration without getting riled.

His eyes were closed, but she watched his face anyway, waiting to see what he would do. She was not so cruel as to force the issue again. She wanted to, but that would likely only add to his frustrations. His sudden scowl had her eyeing him with a great deal of caution. She had done nothing besides be honest with him. Not wholly honest, of course, but as honest as she could manage without guilting him for the fact that he was leaving her needs unsatisfied. Oh, he had done an admirable job during the flight, and no frustration now could negate that. But... it would have been nice for him to respond to her properly...

His question had her startled, and she stared at him for a moment, disbelief warring with caution. He got her all hot and bothered, told her no, and then asked to cuddle up to her until they both fell back asleep?! Now she was thoroughly confused, and she was not at all sure she could handle him being so close without touching him. The temptation was just too great. However, the shyness he radiated made her waver. Well... it was asking a lot, but perhaps she could grant him this little boon. Besides, it was this or force him to go slip in beside his weyrmate. She supposed she could evict him to the couch, but they were both too sharding old for their bones to tolerate that.

He was moving as if to leave, and her hand shot out to catch his wrist. It did not escape her notice how tiny her hand look in comparison to his, but she held on, tugging lightly. "You can stay," she murmured quietly, shifting her legs a bit beneath the blanket. Shardit, she still wanted him. She forced herself to push that want aside. She would deal with it on her own once he left. Somehow. "But... I can't promise I'll behave myself in my sleep," she said honestly. She had no intentions of feeling him up, but... well.... she occasionally got handsy when asleep. She gave him an apologetic quirk of her lips. "And you'll have to get in around me." She stifled a yawn and then tugged the blanket up further.

[reqqy]

Her silence pretty much told it all. He'd known it was a bad idea as soon as he'd uttered the words. How could it be anything but? She was the woman who he'd shared a Flight with, and not his weyrmate. But still he'd led her on, only to reject her. Aliscia should probably be flinging things at him right about now if she had a sensible bone in her body. In fact, he had to dart a glance over his shoulder, just to be sure that those knives weren't currently on a beeline for the back of his skull. Although...as far as deaths went, that had to be a fairly easy one. Certainly better than the one that was likely to catch up to him at the end of the road. He wondered what forms of execution were the rage in the north now. Bah. Didn't take him long to go into that morbid world of his, did it? Four turns in the war-torn ranks of Fort had certainly left their mark. Add those to everything else and here he was. Look out Pern.

Well, from what he could see, Aliscia still hadn't moved, which at least meant that he wasn't going to get anything sharp and shiny buried into him in the near future. Shmee or his office? A hand ran over his face. Definitely his office. Waking the woman up was bound to be unfortunate. And yes, unfortunate enough to deal with all the aches and pains that came with sleeping on hard things as you got older. He was just stepping away from the bed when a small - yet surprisingly strong - hand closed around his wrist. He paused, looking to Aliscia with a raised brow. Had she stopped him to yell at him for the request? If so, he really kind of deserved it, so he couldn't say much.

A second brow rose to join the first in clear surprise as she told him he could stay. Really? He searched her eyes for a moment, trying to discern if she was toying with him or not. But then she spoke of violating him in her sleep, and he chuckled. "I suppose I'll have to risk it, won't I?" Though he didn't say the words aloud, his gratitude was written clearly in his eyes. He let her tug him closer, such that one knee came to rest on the edge of the bed. Shells, if Shmee weren't in the picture - if he wasn't a mated man - he'd have to kiss her. Even now, he seriously considered it, but discarded that as merely another form of cruel torture for them both. Pausing at her next statement, he resumed motion after a moment. It was only fair, wasn't it? She didn't have to let him into her furs at all.

Strange how that thought could sound so much more - passionate - than it actually was.

He moved over her, trying not to jostle or brush the woman, to give her any more reason to dislike him because he couldn't seem to meet her needs. With a soft sigh, S'rei settled in beside her, offering his arm and chest for her once again. "Thank you, Aliscia." Again, he wanted to kiss her, and again he didn't. It was going to be a long night. Or maybe not, as he felt the drowsiness settling into his bones quite quickly.