Definitely a Death Wish (S'rei)

[kysseh]

It was probably late at night, though Aliscia could not be entirely sure on that count. All she knew was that she was tired... deliciously so. She had not felt this satisfied in Turns, since B'rom, though the thought made her heart ache. She shifted a bit, conscious of the fact that she was lying atop something very large... very warm. The petite woman stilled for a moment, letting her mind wander back through the day's events. Early flight... bath.. Tanith Rising...

Oh shardit.

She felt her stomach sink at the remembrance of what had occurred, and the memories made a shiver run down her spine. A bronze... Tanith had picked a sharding bronze. Bronzeriders were among the most cruel and violent, in her experience, though she could not seem to match that image with the remembrance of the bronze gently taking Tanith along in the skies, with the weyrwoman's weyrmate circling his arms around her waist and lifting her tiny body gently against his much larger one. The reverence with which he had regarded her still made her smile faintly.

She stretched leisurely atop the warm body, daring to lift her head and look at his face. He was still asleep... or looked it, for the moment. This would not last long, she knew, but she did not want it to pass. For the first time in Turns, she felt... cared about. Perhaps it was her ego that made her think that his reverence for her had not been entirely due to Flightlust, that she held some attraction for him. Or, perhaps she was getting young and silly and sentimental again, and she hardened her face into its usual neutral expression. He was in love with that idiot of a goldrider that had tried to interrupt, and he would run whipped back to her as soon as he awakened. Men.

Aliscia touched on her dragon's mind, realizing that the green was still soundly asleep. That surprised her. The Chase had not been an exceedingly long one, and Tanith had unending amounts of energy under normal conditions. The Flight must have been long, and the bronze must have worn her out. The green rarely slept for more than a couple of hours after any Flight in the last few Turns, but Tanith was showing no signs of waking at the moment, snuggled tightly up to her new mate as she was. The feeling of quiet contentment emitting from her dragon's sleep-clouded mind was enough to soothe Aliscia's concerns and bolster her confidence.

Now feeling a bit more secure, the greenrider squirmed up the warm body beneath her, tucking her head beneath his chin and settling down again. Until he and his dragon awakened, she was keeping claim of him and his warmth. Considering how tired she was, he could not be much better off as far as energy went, so he likely would not be able to protest much. She matched her quiet breathing with his as his chest rose and fell with her on it, loathe to wake him. No, he was staying right where he was for now...

[reqqy]

Pleasant sleep. The darkness behind his lids was like a drug, so calming it was. He couldn't clearly tell the moment in which he'd awakened. It was more like a slow climb out of a deep well. In fact, he wasn't sure if he was quite awake just now at all; his body seemed leaden. S'rei wasn't in much of a position to protest, however. He'd hardly slept well at all in the past few tendays. Shei woke so frequently...Shei. Why hadn't she awoken him? A needling of wrongness tugged at the back of his mind, and the man stirred beneath Aliscia, sighing in that sleepy way people had when they were neither awake nor asleep, but somewhere inbetween. His senses did not differentiate her warmth from that which he knew every night.

No, S'rei merely worried that he'd somehow managed to sleep through Shei's waking cries. The climb into general - or at least conscious - wakefulness was slow going. He must really be exhausted. Surely Shmee would have responded to Shei, right? That must be why he hadn't come awake. The momentary flare of panic receeded. His weyrmate could be aggravating at times, but she could also be extremely loving toward her family. His hand moved along her naked back, stroking it. "Mmm," he groaned softly, nuzzling at her in blessed sleepiness. It was nice to wake to a woman in his arms again. How he'd missed it the last several turns. His kiss was sloppy, catching the corner of her mouth, but that wasn't too bad considering his usual aim when he first woke up.

It was at about this time that things started becoming apparent to him. Firstly, he was sore, and it took quite a bit to make him sore nowadays. Nevertheless, he was feeling a strangely pleasant tightness in his thighs and lower back, and along the line of his shoulders. Because he was turning into an old man? Not likely, for even though S'rei was becoming increasingly sensitive about his age - particularly in relation to his very, very young weyrmate - thirty was too early to see much of a decline. Had he and Shmee? No. His hand stilled along her back. This wasn't...The breasts were too large, the body itself too small. The one on his chest right now was a small, curvaceous creature - even smaller than his older sister.

Some brief details flashed through his head. Oh, yes. Salenth had taken after Tanith. S'rei was intent to return to his own weyr, but must not have made it in time. All the rest were snippets. Aliscia. Yes, the temporary candidatemaster before their current one. She must be the one he held right now. That meant Salenth had won the Flight. He was torn between pride for his dragon and apprehension. Something told him Aslath would not be too pleased. Oh well. At least he had a forgiving weyrmate to return to, and hopefully Shmee's influence would wear off on the gold.

Cracking open an eye, he arched his back lightly, pleased to find that it did not ache. By the feel of her breathing, he could tell she was awake, and his other hand drifted over to push back the side of her hair that obscured her face. "Hey," he murmured huskily, the sleepiness still quite apparent in his voice. "You doing all right?" It had been awhile since Salenth had Flown anyone, and while S'rei was confident he hadn't been too violent, it was habit for him to ask after his partners. When she didn't seem to answer him right away, the other eye opened, too, the man studying her face. "Aliscia?"

Weyrbred, and bonded to a bronze for eighteen turns, it didn't once occur to him to be remotely upset. Flights were simply that - Flights. And he sure could have ended up with a less comely woman in his arms. Memories of Shmee were shunted aside as figments of his imagination. Why would she come, after all? He'd had plenty enough fantasies of Sage in his frequent liasons at Benden, and came to see that as his conscience striking out against him.

[kysseh]

Aliscia sensed his breathing changing, and she sighed quietly, face buried against his chest near his neck. Did he have to wake so soon? She had been enjoying being held like this, being treated with such gentleness. Then she felt a hand stroking her scarred back and arched lightly into the touch. How magnificent that felt! His nuzzling elicited a light moan from her, and she tilted up her head to face him, surprised by that sudden affection and the sloppy kiss he planted on her, which largely missed. She was amused and shifted lightly atop him, noticing a pull in her thighs that she had not experienced in many, many Turns. Well, he had certainly done his job, and she nuzzled her face down against his chest in reward. He was a rather good pillow, though she felt more than a little self-conscious about the fact that he had such clear visual access to all the scarred parts of her body. Her face was hideous enough, but the rest... well, she did not like to be stared at.

His hand stilled, and she let out a groan of protest. That had felt rather good. Why was he stopping?! She had offered no protest, and if anything, she was arching her back in appreciation of that touch. It was soothing to her. But now he stirred beneath her, and she felt him brush the hair aside from her face, her frown deepening a little though her eyes remained open. Her frown pulled at the offensive scar tissue, and she smoothed her face out again, not wanting to deal with that sort of discomfort at the moment.

"Hmm." All right, that was not the most intelligent response to make, but it was all she wanted to offer at the moment. She was too lazily sated to speak much. Then he had to inquire further, and she groaned, reluctant to make the effort. However, he seemed to be concerned, and she flicked her gaze up toward his still sleepy face. "Mmm... been way worse before." She wrinkled up her nose a bit, groaning softly. "Sorry... that was rude. I'm... tired," she admitted, reluctantly resting her forearm on his chest and raising herself just enough to look him in the face, her tousled hair just brushing along her jawline, light eyes slightly troubled.

A thought occurred to her, and she quirked a humorous sort of smile, the expression softening the usual harshness of her face. It seemed ridiculous to ask, but she could not help herself. "I didn't do any damage, did I?" she inquired. She did have a tendency to give lovenibbles in the height of passion, though she usually managed to keep her nails under control. He was her age, at least, and she knew how argumentative the body could be to strenuous exercise... or injury. And she could get quite energetic. Perhaps it was a long period of deprivation, but oh, she had enjoyed their romp, fatigued as she was.

Perhaps it was just that he looked so concerned, but she leaned forward to lightly kiss his cheek, reassuring him that she was not upset or distressed with his performance. No, she was impressed. Satisfied to have reassured him, she pulled back again, flicking a bit of a grimace at the ache in her back. Shardit, but she was getting old or-- nope, that was one of the fresher scars offering up protest. Shard it all. Her body was betraying her in her lack of old age. "I'd say good morning, but I doubt it's even close to morning..."

[reqqy]

The frown drew him a little more into wakefulness, a momentary flicker of uncertainty behind his eyes. He couldn't remember getting out of control in a Flight, but that didn't necessarily mean it wasn't possible, and it was never S'rei's intention to hurt anyone. Aliscia was so very small, too... Way worse? Well, that was certainly reassuring. He would have moved to sit up a little to have a better look at her, but didn't want to dislodge the small greenrider from his chest. The bronzerider grunted at her apology. It wasn't rude if he'd hurt her. In fact, he wished she'd just be more direct; it wouldn't hurt his feelings or anything silly like that.

Meeting her eyes, the man's greys reflected his disquiet. He blinked at the smile and her question, having to struggle for a moment to switch mental gears. It was never really that easy for him after just waking up. He was generally okay on one topic so long as it didn't go in any unusual directions, but shift it just slightly and he was lost for a bit. Then S'rei paused even longer, wanting to be sure to give her an honest answer. Oh, he was pleasantly sore in places, and he had scratches and hickies in several areas, but as to whether those were the result of this Flight or his tumbles with Shmee was rather impossible to distinguish. Either way, it was nothing to be concerned about. "No," he murmured, tracing a finger down the scars on her face without really thinking. They added an intriguing dimension to her feminine features. "You didn't hurt me. I'd like to think I can handle a little Flight," he added cheekily, though it still came out rather sleep-slurred.

Between her question and the press of soft lips against his cheek, S'rei found himself relaxing. She must be all right. He couldn't imagine she'd be concerned with him and kissing him if she was truly hurt in any way. At her words, he turned his head toward the weyrledge, trying to make out the sky past the huddled forms of Salenth and Tanith. Seemed to be in that deep darkness between late night and early morning. The wingsecond yawned. "We've got some hours still," he agreed. Then he chuckled ruefully. "I'm tired enough to sleep through the night and perhaps the next day, too." Of course, that wasn't all just the Flight. He'd been uncharacteristically asleep when Salenth rose to chase Tanith to begin with.

In fact, he found this rather relaxing. It wasn't nearly as relaxing in his own weyr. Sure, his weyrmate saw to his needs well enough, and he to hers, but Shei made everything a tad more complicated. Then there was the matter of Shmee having her nose in almost everything and always being in a hurry. He wasn't exactly without his own responsibilities, either. It was just kind of hectic, so that, here, just lying with Aliscia in his arms, S'rei found himself generally at peace.

He continued to run his fingers through her hair in pure absentminded fashion. There was a reason he liked women with shorter hair. It was so much easier to muss, and they were less likely to get all weird about it. Some women could get nasty if a strand of hair was out of place. S'rei found himself faced with a plethora of scars along her back, along the back of her thighs and the curve of her rump. Sympathy washed through him. The bronzerider had a nice showing of his own, mostly concentrated along his abdomen and back - which he was fairly self-conscious about. He could only imagine that Aliscia must be more so. Women were expected to be unmarred, after all. S'rei himself tended to find them interesting; they testified to her strength. He recognized that he was not the typical male, though.

"You won't mind if I stay here until tomorrow morning, do you?" he questioned sleepily, only just remembering that it might be a good idea to see how she felt about it. "Shmee will probably be sleeping, and I don't want to wake her." For either of their sakes. The Weyrwoman needed her rest, and she was an absolute witch when awakened from a deep sleep in the dead of night.

[kysseh]

What a male he was. The grunt seemed his only response to her attempt at an apology for her abruptness, though considering how lazy she was in responding, she supposed she could not harp on him for it. She was so tired. He had taxed even her energy, and she had plenty of it. Keeping up with Tanith and keeping fit and in shape for aerial combat required a lot of energy, but this Flight had burned through a decent amount of it. For all that he was older than her, the man had stamina; she granted him that.

The look in his eyes startled her, and she found herself unable to break their gaze for a moment, just quietly matching him as he seemed to consider. She let him keep his silence, more than content to just rest there atop him. Her thoughts began to wander, relaxed and made vulnerable as she was by his warmth and gentleness. He dwarfed her, but she felt not the slightest hint of threat from him. No, he was a gentle giant, and her thoughts flicked back to the more recently-deceased of her two weyrmates. A hint of haunted sorrow passed across her expression, even as she was startled from her thoughts by a finger tracing along her facial scars. Her body instinctively tensed for a moment, relaxing only at his impudent words. His impudence was rewarded by smirk. "A little, yes. That wasn't a little," she murmured softly before her back finally protested too loudly to be ignored, and she settled back down atop hm, her head turned toward his so that her nose nearly pressed into his neck.

He was moving around, perhaps looking at something, but she ignored it for the most part. His chuckle vibrated beneath her cheek, prompting a lazy smile from her. "Such a man. Always easily exhausted," she teased him lightly, more than a little smug that he sounded more fatigued and sleep-fogged than she. She was very, very tired, to be sure, but she still had enough energy to get up and be active if the need be. Of course, she would slit the throat of the first person who came to stir her from this bed at the moment, but that was beyond the point. Just the fact that she could get up if she needed to made her smug.

Aliscia allowed herself a quiet moan at the feel of fingers still stroking through her hair, unable to keep from responding to his gentleness. Even if it was unintended on his part, she found it so gentle, so caring, that it nearly brought her to tears. As it was, a single tear did escape and dropped onto his chest. She covered it quickly by lifting a hand to stroke along his torso... or what of it her body was not covering. She refused to give him that power over her, and she refused to let herself be so humiliated. She was stronger, tougher than that, and she distracted herself by tracing one of his own scars. The fact that he had his own marks made her feel less upset about her own for the moment.... though he seemed to be lacking the full-body treatment that she had received. Lucky bronzerider.

She shivered suddenly and blindly reached about on the bed for a blanket, offering up a soft snort to his query whilst she continued to search. "You're assuming I'd let you leave, bronzerider," she said, though it lacked a real amount of force. "You're mine until Salenth is awake and ready to fly off the ledge." His mention of Shmee had her stiffening lightly at the memory of that... that.... leech. It was not worthy pursuing for the moment, not while she had possession. Ohh, but that weyrwoman would be furious. Aliscia very nearly sighed at the thought of what Shmee would do. But... that was a thought for later. She just nuzzled lightly at the side of his neck. "So, unless you have the energy to lift me off, I think you're staying put." He was too sharding comfortable a bed for her to get off of.

[reqqy]

His self-satisfied smile was, at the moment, hidden from her view. He was rather the typical bronzerider - or man, really - when it came to things of a sexual nature; he liked being praised, however obliquely, for his performance. In this instance, his male pride was needing something of a boost. It was hard to really enjoy a tentative or frightened partner. Shmee had only just recently stopped regarding him with anxiety, even if she hadn't repelled his advances, and he still felt rather disgusted with himself for the actions he'd used to jolt her out of that submissive fear. They were...entirely against his usual way of showing his love. The fact that they'd worked didn't change that, though he'd promised Shmee she could do whatever she wanted next time, so hopefully some of that guilt would lessen.

Ah, but she couldn't get away with belittling him, not even in jest, this Aliscia. S'rei flicked her lightly on the ear. "I blame you. Nor do I want to hear another word about that until you're up with your child half the sharding night, night after night. Got it?" Might have been a bit more intimidating if the growly bear voice hadn't been broken by another monstrous yawn. Instead, it sounded more like a bear temporarily awoken from hibernation and quickly sliding back into it.

At that moment, he was more distracted by her subtle movements and soft groaning than ought else. He blinked owlishly. A small stab of guilt struck him, and he forced his fingers into stillness, though he didn't remove the hand. It wasn't fair of him to affect her that way, though it had been unintentional. S'rei belonged to Shmee. Disregarding her claim on him as her weyrmate and the fact that he had - quite clearly, despite how young the infant was - fathered Shei, his heart belonged to Shmee. He couldn't explain it. It was just so. He couldn't risk confusing Aliscia. No, he had nothing against her, and his carnal mind registered an attraction - but then, he was what he was, and that sort of superficial attraction was not uncommon - however he could not remain with her past this night. It wouldn't do to inspire any sort of desire or hope for that in her. There was no need for a Flight to complicate things.

Yet, at the same time, he recognized that some sort of attachment was unavoidable. So many riders didn't know how to handle themselves, particularly on the dominant end. He'd always had a desire to inspire a positive association with Flight, which meant this period afterward was important. It needed to be comfortable, if nothing else. The fear some goldriders and greenriders had regarding Flights - and, by extension, all sexual acts - was something he found regrettable. Such things were supposed to be enjoyable experiences, and he hardly wanted to be responsible for emotionally crippling anyone in that respect. In order to form a positive association, the association occasionally became more specific as opposed to generalized, and that could become problematic. Aliscia seemed of an age that this shouldn't be an issue. He just didn't want to risk it.

Apparently his adjustment was a bit too late. Though her hand moved over his chest, he'd noted the moisture. Crying? He couldn't be hurting her. Obviously, though, she didn't want him to know, and out of respect for Aliscia he did not call attention to her moment of weakness. He allowed her that action to anchor herself for a time, before he stilled her hand with his, holding her there just long enough that she might understand that he didn't want her to continue. Touching like that tended to arouse him, and it would be counterproductive - whether the temptation was overcome or not - to allow that to reach a culmination. Luckily, she didn't seem to take offense. Instead, Aliscia appeared to be looking for something. Whatever it was, her arms were not so very long, and her position on top of him didn't make it any easier. The woman seemed to be - shuddering. Could she be cold? Just thinking about it caused S'rei to notice the chill air against his skin.

When she spoke, though, he replied verbally for the first time in a minute or two. "S'rei," the man insisted gently. They were unclothed and on top of each other. It was mildly offensive to him that she spoke so formally. Mildly. If she continued, it might become annoying. Then he chuckled. "So possessive," he chided gently. His arm tightened around her, and yes, he didn't have to take on as much of her weight as he now did to shift her to the other side of his chest. The man had his pride, for all that it tended to be understated. Thus freeing up his left arm, he latched onto a blanket and drew it up over them both, painstakingly tucking it around her. "I think you mistake energy for desire," he commented, amused. Did she really think he was incapable of dislodging her in his present condition? "Was this what you were looking for?" the bronzerider questioned, nothing but honest inquiry in his tone.

[kysseh]

Though the stilling of his hand might have been the reason for her lack of response to his gently remonstrative remark about his energy--or lack thereof-- Aliscia's body tensed at the mention of his child, still for a moment before she forced herself to relax again. She envied him in more ways than one. A weyrmate, a partner... someone to hold onto and reach for. A child... something her holdborn nature had stubbornly refused to stop wanting, despite her angry insistence to herself that it was a pointless, useless waste of energy to hope. Or it had been, while she lived at Benden. Now she was unsure. Certainty and hope, two more things that she felt the warmongering weyr had stolen from her. She merely twitched her nose and made a noncommittal sound of response, letting that line of conversation drop. That led to unhappy places.

The big man did not seem to enjoy her touch either, and now a bit withdrawn, the greenrider just lie there, hand still seeking. For all that he had been eager during the Flight, he did not seem to much want her in contact now. It distressed her a bit, more than it should have. She was not asking for another romp, just a little snuggling, really. Apparently, that was still too much to ask for, and for a moment, the greenrider bitterly resented her mindmate for having chosen a weyrmated dragon. Hadn't there been another, decent option... one who would not mind her enjoying her first decent, enjoyable Flight in Turns? Then she felt immediately guilty for faulting the one creature who had done her no wrong, and she was glad Tanith was not awake to sense her upset.

She raised one eyebrow at his insistence that she call him by name, instinctively tensing at the feel of his grip on her tightening, her searching hand balling into a first in preparation to break his face if he should try anything stupid. Then she felt him shifting her weight, and before she could respond, a blanket was draped and tucked around her. She relaxed noticeably and settled again, resting her hand flat on his chest just in front of her face. Shardit, now she felt ridiculous... and paranoid. He had been considerate enough during the Flight; why had she immediately assumed he was about to aggress on her now? Experience... perhaps. Or just recognition of the fact that he was over double her weight, and when standing, her head would likely reach only his chest, if she was lucky. There were far too many disadvantages to being small.

"Well.... if you're that inclined to leave, I won't stop you. I'd just... rather you not." Especially since he did not seem to enjoy her attempts at snuggling, she was not going to force him to stay. "This is the first time in Turns that I've woken up after a Flight not feeling like I'd been completely battered. I'm trying to enjoy it," she told him, the acid edge to her voice belying her anger with that fact. Having been away from Benden for a few months, experienced a Flight of the proper kind... she was understanding how terrible her life had been, bitterly resenting the fact that she had not had the spine to leave earlier. Too weak, too broken.

It dawned on her suddenly that S'rei could have taken her little outburst as a personal attack, and she tilted up her head to look at his face, or what if it she could see from this angle. "I'm sorry, S'rei. That wasn't meant for your ears." It wasn't meant for anyone's ears... though that was the beginning of an outpouring of anger that had been building for Turns. She slapped a lid on it for the moment and abruptly changed the topic. "Yes... it was. Thank you," she said, her voice noticeably quieter as she snuggled her head back down against his chest, revelling in the warm security of it. "I don't doubt your strength. You're just doubting my tenacity..." Ahhh, there was some of her normal humor returning. She was beginning to think she had completely retreated into a useless cycle of self-pity and loathing.

[reqqy]

As much as Aliscia was offended by his refusal to allow her to continue petting him - which of course S'rei wasn't aware of - the bronzerider was offended by her reaction to him. It was uncalled for. He'd done nothing but been gentle with her since he'd awoken, and by her earlier reactions, he couldn't have been much more violent during the Flight. No, he wasn't being particularly warm, but it was a step above polite, and it rankled that she seemed to think he was crass enough to take advantage of her in this situation. His jaw set and he turned his head away, wondering if it wasn't a better idea just to call it quits while they weren't yet sniping at each other and brave the evil incarnate that was a newly awakened Shmee. At least that one he could subdue with his affection.

Only as she begun to speak again - oh, yeah, so now she realized he wasn't going to flip her over and ravish her like some crazed beast - did S'rei venture to look at her from the corner of his eye. He hadn't said anything about leaving. Was she deliberately misinterpreting what he'd said? Well, he could easily just leave now, with Salenth awake or not, since that seemed to be what she wanted. Some part of him recognized that his weariness was making him more prickly than normal, but this was some woman he wasn't likely to see again - at least in so private a setting. He'd done right by her. If she didn't appreciate that, it was her loss, but he certainly wasn't about to stick around when he was unwanted.

Every word that came out of her mouth seemed to contradict the ones that came before. She was saying she wanted him to stay, even though she was talking about him leaving and going rigid as a board whenever he moved. Then the stuff about Flights - which would seem to be a compliment on the surface, followed by the snappish jab that he wasn't allowing her to enjoy it. From what he could see, she was the one in her own way. He'd given her absolutely no reason to be so wary of him! S'rei didn't like the way she seemed to be blaming him for her own inability to relax.

Yes, he was seriously considering just getting up and leaving. Should probably warn her, though. Didn't want her to be screaming 'rape' and going for the knife, wherever it had gotten off to. He didn't need another gut wound, thank you very much. Those were rather nasty. Her apology startled him into immobility. What? Picking back over her words, he wrestled them into this new context. If they weren't meant for him...He was being insensitive again. That was a growing trait in him when he wasn't getting enough rest, it seemed. She didn't know what a true Flight was supposed to be like, and if that was true, that would explain why she'd stiffened up on him. Now he felt guilty for thinking so poorly of her.

"Your welcome," the man returned quietly. He drew her a little closer, waiting for the expected stiffness to come and go, before bringing her head to rest beneath his chin. His hand ran along her shoulders in small circles. Yes, it was something of a double-standard, but she likely wouldn't be thinking of another tumble just because he was touching her shoulder. Sometimes S'rei cursed his high libido. It could make life very uncomfortable at times. On the other hand, it was nice never to have a problem in that department. "Your tenacity, eh? I should be worried that you'll pull one of those hysterical female moments and throw yourself at my feet, tripping me up before I can get out the door?" He scoffed at the thought - and his rueful tone definitely sounded like he'd experienced that one firsthand.

"I'm in no hurry," he reassured her. In all honesty, she'd probably managed to get back into his good graces by stroking his ego, but shards if S'rei was going to admit that to himself - or anyone else. "You've been here...how long now?" He didn't remember her from since before he left, but then, that period of his life had been quite distracting; he may simply have not noticed her at all.

[kysseh]

Even not looking at his face, Aliscia knew he turned from her, and she sullenly hardened her heart to the realization that the source of warmth and comfort was leaving her. She had to give him credit for at least being good to her, for being considerate during the Flight and not completely battering her to pieces. That, at least, she appreciated. But his lack of warmth at all toward her was distinctly offensive. No, she wasn't his weyrmate, but she was trying to make them both comfortable. Couldn't he allow her that, at least?

His prolonged silence meant that he was thinking, which meant she would be shoved off soon. She was ready for it, even though her body remained relaxed. She was not expecting him to stop moving, suddenly, and she instinctively wanted to reach for the knife stashed beside the bed, ready for him to get angry. Shardit, but he was a big, big man, and if he-

Wait... what?

She made a soft noise of surprise at his acceptance of her genuine gratitude, and though she was more than a little nervous about coming closer, she almost immediately relaxed when he tucked her head beneath his chin. Whatever anger he had had seemed to have dissipated, and she briefly wondered what had changed that. His hand soothed the tension from her, and she draped her arm across his chest to curl her hand around his wide shoulder, just resting there. He was not going to leave, then? She smiled a bit, exhaling softly against his chest. This... this was comfortable. Too comfortable. She was either getting soft or getting old... which it was was the key.

At his question, she was flabbergasted. Women did that?! His tone implied that he had been on the receiving end of such treatment, and she offered up a silent wish that Savitri would not turn out to be such an irresponsible, selfish leech of a weyrwoman. Shardit... Aliscia had adored her two weyrmates, but she would never have thought of resorting to such measures. Her only hysterics had come after B'rom's death, when a violent Flight and a day-long labor had yielded a too-small, too-early, stillborn child. Even then, a slap to the face and waking up after a hefty dose of fellis had brought her to her grieving senses. She pitied S'rei, to be weyrmated to... well.... that. "If I ever pull a stunt like that, put me out of my misery, please," she groaned softly, meaning every word of it. "I cry, but that's not meant for leverage."

At his reassurance that he was not about to leave, she let her eyes close a bit, relaxing into his warmth. It had been how many Turns? Four, at least, though perhaps more. She was too tired to do much figuring right now, not when faced with such lazy semi-contentment. At his query, she squirmed a little. Shardit... now she did have to do some figuring. "... few months? Less... more? I arrived a few days before the queen clutched. I haven't been... keeping track of time," she admitted. Truthfully, she still wasn't. She had been too busy, with her own duties and building a few tentative friendships, in addition to keeping her energetic mindmate from eating a weyrling.

[reqqy]

Strangely, she seemed to relax instead of tense up when he drew her further up his chest. So now he was officially regretting being angry with her at all, since it seemed that the previous reaction had been purely subconscious. No use beating himself up over it, though, as there was no possible way he could have known. Continuing to trace the line of her shoulder, he made a noise deep in his throat that sounded suspiciously similar to a croon. In all honesty, he rather hated it when people seemed to be afraid of him, especially women, considering he really wasn't that aggressive a person unless provoked. Everyone seemed to assume - at least in the north - that big meant cruel and domineering. In reality, S'rei was just as content to follow as to lead, and while he could be frightening when angered, in most cases he didn't physically express that anger. The man was keenly aware of how easy it would be to hurt someone smaller than himself. Especially a woman Aliscia's size. Nor did he take any pleasure from hurting anyone, such that he found himself working hard to get people to relax around him and never give them any reason to fear him. Which of course didn't work so well when he'd quite visibly flown off the handle the few times Shmee's wellfare had been jeopardized. Eh, but no one's perfect.

Her little sigh pleased him, as did the hand that curled over the muscles in his shoulder. It meant she was beginning to loosen up for him again. Was it his pride that compelled him to want to give her a reason to trust that Flights and their aftermaths didn't necessarily have to be something to dread? Perhaps. Yes, perhaps that was the main reason he was always so tender with his partners. But if it was pride, it was the sort of pride that wasn't likely to trip a man up. As much as a man's pride could be a problem, lack of it could lead to all manner of unsavory things. After all, if you had no sense of self-worth, why should anything you do matter? That only inspires you to do whatever you want, regardless of who gets hurt in the process.

S'rei laughed at Aliscia's response to his question. It wasn't a loud laugh, but it had the depth of one that was clearly genuine. Put her out of her misery? Oh, he knew that Shmee was definitely the exception to a lot of rules. She wasn't Sage. Sometimes, the loneliness for his first weyrmate would be so overwhelming he could hardly bear it, and then the only thing that really helped to push it back was being with Shmee. Because she wasn't Sage. There was nothing about her that would ever remind S'rei of the woman he'd lost. Nothing. Maybe that was what had drug him under, chaining him to a love that he was sure many people found skeptical, if not downright ludicrous. He found it ludicrous half the time. In his youth, Shmee would have been despised by him. Completely. Utterly. Even now, he had a hard time liking most of what she did, and the thought of trying to defend most of her actions was enough to give him a headache. But he did love her, whether it made sense or not. His anger and rage only seemed to show its ugly head when she was involved, and every smile, every laugh from her lightened his heart. Eh. Still, it was strange. He couldn't deny that. Especially when she was in one of her moods...

Letting his hand drift up her neck to toy with the ends of her hair, the man tugged gently. "Something tells me that's not something you'd do, anyway. So I think you're safe." No, northern women didn't play that game. Northern women were either broken or strengthened by the north - sometimes not cleanly one way or another, but the fact remained that it was so. Childish behavior like Shmee's would have been met with contempt at best, and most likely a backhand. Women were supposed to know their place. While that place was most certainly at the feet of men, hysterics were not permitted. S'rei rolled his eyes. He didn't much understand the north, though a significant portion of his being was distinctly northern. Men may be physically stronger, but that didn't give them the right to dominate women. And there were many, many things that women were more adept at.

He was a little surprised at how newly arrived Aliscia was. Apparently, she'd transferred right before S'rei's return. A dark part of him wondered if she might not have been part of the team that had assaulted his wings during Threadfall. Eh, the likelihood was small; Benden was a large weyr. S'rei was also a bit surprised at how completely focused on time he'd become since timing it back twelve turns. "About three months," he supplied. "I wouldn't have guessed you were quite that new to Selenitas. It must be something of an adjustment," he added drolly. Compared to Benden and Fort, Selenitas seemed - asleep. Caught up in a fantasy of safety that didn't really exist. "You and Tanith are settling in all right?"

[kysseh]

Aliscia was delighted by the way his hand continued to move across her shoulders. It was not all that she wanted, but it would certainly suffice for the situation. She was used to being allowed to caress a kind and willing partner. S'rei--yes, she would use his name; he was not some nameless, faceless Benden rider--seemed to not enjoy her touch, though he seemed perfectly willing to offer up his own. Content, if not satisfied, the greenrider remained where she was, smiling as his chest rumbled beneath her cheek with the croon-like sound he emitted. She gave an answering one of her own, though hers was far quieter and higher in pitch. She knew she would feel ridiculous when they both stood and she realized how big of a man she was comfortable with, but for the moment, he was showing not a single sign of aggression. He was... gentle. Difficult in his own way, as all men were, but gentle.

His laughter soothed her further, and she allowed herself a soft chuckle in response. Safe? Oh, she wasn't. She was dangerous as could be, with or without a blade in hand. But as far as hysterics went, Aliscia was about as likely as her goldweyrling friend to indulge in such ridiculousness. "No, I wouldn't. You have nothing to fear from me in that respect." Her tone lacked any nuances, as she was too tired and comfortable to even bother hinting at a threat. Really, he had nothing to fear from her at all. She was not sadistic or violent, at least until a hand was raised against her. Then all bets were off.

The fact that his hand had drifted up to her hair again made her smile against his chest. What was his fascination with hair? Whatever the case, she let him play as much as he liked. The fact that his warm hands were near her neck made her glad too. Her neck was a bit on the stiff side, likely from craning it around all during the act to make up for their incredible size difference. Kissing someone much larger or smaller than oneself usually yielded a bit of discomfort, and Aliscia moved her head a bit in an attempt to see how stiff the abused neck was. Hmm... that was a bad idea, it seemed, and she almost immediately settled down again. Her thumb began to rub lazily back and forth where her hand rested on his shoulder, wordlessly reassuring him that her movement was not a result of him bothering her. She was just.... going to need a hot bath to soak out the aches.

His statement made her pause as she thought, trying to adequately put her thoughts into words. It was peaceful but not... and it made her both restless and glad. She could not explain it. "It's nice to wake up and not have to go kill someone," she said honestly, her tone rather subdued. She had never enjoyed that. She had just... acted. Tanith had always been the more aggressive of the pair, and when they were in the air, Tanith's enthusiasm for violence tended to spill over into Aliscia. "It's... too peaceful here. I like the lack of open violence, but it makes me think of the calm before a great storm. I'm always looking over my shoulder and waiting for something drastic to happen. Add that to the fact that Tanith is constantly restless, and it makes it hard to enjoy the lack of fighting." She gave an indelicate snort. "I have to wake up early to take Tanith for a long flight every morning, just to get rid of some of that energy that keeps piling up."

There was also the small matter of having no real friends in the weyr. Oh, she had Savitri, but with the weyrling as busy as she was, the greenrider did not have nearly enough time to talk with her. And now that she had finally started to see life as meant for living and not just surviving, Aliscia found herself lonely. It was a strange feeling. Tanith was always first in her heart and mind, but the woman--not young anymore--still craved company. "Tanith is fine, otherwise, so long as she has someone to snap at. I'm... rather annoyed that people seem so intimidated by us. I used to enjoy that; it meant being left alone. But here, it's just irritating. I'm from Benden, but I'm not a monster." The anger in her tone was obvious, though it was not meant for him or even for the people who chose to avoid her simply on the basis of which weyr happened to be her one of origin. No, her anger was for Benden and its practices and all that it had taken from her. Why she trusted this giant of a bronzerider with her frustration was beyond her, but being sexually sated and comfortably relaxed in his arms did help with that, she ventured. Shardit, but she had forgotten men were so comfortable.

[reqqy]

The wingsecond tried not to laugh at the thought of Aliscia presenting any threat to him whatsoever. Oh, he knew intellectually that a Benden dragonrider was dangerous, and that, even if she couldn't hurt him in hand-to-hand - which he'd never know because he didn't intend to test that - a dagger was a great equalizer. Still, though, she was so tiny. He tried not to let northern thinking cloud his perceptions, but he did genuinely find it hard to imagine a woman as small as Aliscia actually proving a challenge for him. Especially when her small body was draped across his chest so docilely. It was nearly as ludicrous as the thought of Lauranna hurting him if she flew into one of her frequent peevish rages. Lauranna and Aliscia were practically the same size.

He poked at her nose lightly. "What should I be afraid of, 'Liscia? You gonna try to bite me or something?" Wrinkling his nose at her, his grays danced with amusement. Oh, he'd tried to keep his mouth shut, but he simply couldn't. It was just too comfortable, lying here like this, for him to worry as much about self-control as he usually did. Besides, what could it hurt? At worst she'd be offended. Proud man that he was, he felt confident he could mollify her. Really, he had much too much of an ego...at least so far as it came to handling women.

Frowning slightly as she seemed to squirm with discomfort, his hand stilled, but then the woman settled. S'rei couldn't really determine if he was bothering her or not, even when her thumb began to stroke him lightly. Clearly, she didn't want to move, but...Eh. Better just not to continue that. He didn't want to cause her any discomfort. His large hand came to rest along the line where her jaw met her neck, the fingers curled comfortably.

The bronzerider's eyes closed as Aliscia began to speak. Although the question had been mostly a way to get conversation going, he didn't truly protest at how serious it had turned. If he'd wanted something lighter, he should have asked a different question. S'rei knew where she was coming from, well enough. He hadn't done much fighting the seven turns he'd been at Benden, but the seven at Fort? It was wearying, going to war day after day, never knowing if you'd be coming back and - worse - coming to the point where you thought it might just be nice if everything...ended. Haunting, too. Terrifying, because, at least for him, he could feel himself becoming that creature bent on survival, reveling in the kill. It disturbed him.

Without consciously thinking about it, his other hand came to rest at the small of her back, kneading it in a gesture that was clearly meant to be reassuring. "I have a hard time getting her to see that we need to be prepared, that we need to train for war. She's intent on keeping Selenitas peaceful." Worry clouded his tone. "We're not peaceful. As long as we continue to slumber...I just worry that one of these days our luck will run out." Then he tried to put a smile in his voice. They didn't need to be talking about this here, now did they? "Don't worry, 'Liscia. They'll come around. If Selenitas can accept a former Benden Wingleader as one of their own, I'm sure they can manage taking you into the fold. Might take a little bit, but half our riders aren't southern, anyway. We have a lot of transfers who will understand where you're coming from."

[kysseh]

It did not escape Aliscia's notice that he shortened her name in what could loosely be termed an affectionate gesture. She privately thought he was just too lazy to add the extra syllable. Any affection would just be the usual post-Flight-snuggling... except stilted since he had a weyrmate to return to. She wished she could wholeheartedly shower him with the proper amount of cuddles, but he seemed... reluctant to engage, and understandably so. Fine, then. It was his loss. He was still stroking her, after all.

She wrinkled up her nose when he poked it, snapping her jaws playfully at the air a second or so after his finger withdrew. His lack of real respect for her was irritating, but being as satisfied as she was, it was hard to get angry at him for that. She was rather... diminutive, so it was hard to believe that she was a real threat. However, this little insult would not go unchallenged, and she let out a sound that could loosely be called a smug sort of purr. "No... but you should be afraid of the knife hidden under the furs about an armslength from the right side of your head... as well as the one stashed on the opposite side of the bed, which is very close to being within my reach." She stretched lazily and then slid her arm up his shoulder and to the back of his neck, tapping right at the base of his skull. "I like to strike there. Quick kill... little fuss." Her words were serious, but her tone was sultry, teasing. She had no intention of harming him. He just... needed to know.

She lounged atop him as his hand ceased to stroke and instead rested near the intersection of her jaw and neck. It made her nervous to have his big hand spanning her neck in just that spot, and the hand from his neck quickly moved to nudge his fingers back to her shoulders, away from her neck. There... that was a safer area, and she curled her hand back around his shoulder again, offering up a quiet, contented sigh to distract him. "But... you are very good in bed, so I'll give you a pass on making wisecracks about my abilities," she murmured softly, absentmindedly pressing a kiss to his chest as she settled back down again. Silly... silly man.

She felt his other hand on her back and arched her back, welcoming that comforting touch. It soothed her, melted away some of that anger that refused to die or to be quiet. His words were obviously ones of worry.. of upset, and she understood where he came from. Aliscia had been trained to be ready, and the riders here were undeniably getting soft and complacent. They needed to start honing their skills and practicing some readiness, but the weyrwoman seemed loathe to initiate such measures. Well... here was a man who could change that, though by his words, she was reluctant to do so. It was time the woman got a reality check.

"We're just ripe for the picking. There's no night guard, no extra watch. There's a difference between being peaceful and being complacent, and this weyr is complacent." Her tone was not one of anger but of nervousness. She did not want to be surprised by something sudden or vicious. The little woman found her life was starting to mean something again, and to lose that, to lose any of it... "We can be neutral in the wars while still being prepared for the worst." The idea of being unprotected and unaware was disturbing, and it made Aliscia shiver, huddle closer to S'rei's warmth.

He seemed to be trying to change the subject, so she allowed him to do so, largely because her curiosity was now truly aroused. "A former Benden wingleader? You?! Strange. I don't remember you," she murmured thoughtfully, racking her brains to try to figure out who the man was. She could not place him. "I was at Benden for nearly twelve Turns, so I should have seen you at some point. What wing were you in?" She deliberately ignored his comment about transfers. The people at Selenitas were not about to accept her... not anytime soon. Not until they understood the reality of the wars, she thought.

[reqqy]

Despite the fact that he couldn't help but be amused when the small woman spoke of him fearing her, S'rei really didn't doubt that she couldn't cause some damage if she really wanted to. Thus he did little more than smile ruefully at her words. "Well, you've definitely got a point there. Knives are not my friend." His stomach twinged sympathetically at the thought. People seemed to rather enjoy carving him up as a general rule. Everyone wanted a piece of him...He rolled his eyes at the stupid pun, thinking that he was way, way too comfortable with this greenrider. Comfortable enough even that her tapping along the back of his neck and the rather gory visual didn't disturb him. He merely wrapped his fingers lightly about her wrist, exerting no pressure but definitely there. "How 'bout we don't and say we did? I'd hate to burden you by having to pull a bunch of dead weight around." He winked at her.

Nor did he take offense when she pulled away to move his hand. Some people had a thing about their necks. S'rei didn't, but that was probably because he figured that, if they were strong enough to get him around the throat in earnest, there was little he could do anyway. Regarding her from underneath half-closed lids as she kissed his chest, he suppressed a sigh. Was she so intent upon getting him interested again? Luckily, she stopped at the one kiss. He would have asked Kalierre if there was anything that might lower libido - without permanent side-effects - but that was definitely too awkward a question to ask her. Admittedly, S'rei wasn't used to going periods of time without, as he had been off and on for several turns now, and that made his natural reactions more - frequent - than they had been in the past. Oh well. Eventually he'd just get old enough that it would calm down naturally. The man grimaced slightly at the thought.

Then he snorted. Good in bed? "You must not have much to compare it to," he commented dryly. She mustn't, if she thought a Flight with him was good. Now, if he didn't have a weyrmate, he might be inclined to show her what good truly was. "But I'm sure Salenth will be grateful that you've decided not to sever my spine after all, so thanks." It wasn't that he wasn't taking her seriously as a person, but really, what would inspire her to attack him here, in her weyr, after a Flight? That was just rather ridiculous, no? It would definitely put her in a lot of trouble.

Yes, S'rei was definitely wishing he hadn't brought this particular topic up, though. It was making him nervous all over again. So far, most - not all, of course - of the attacks had been aimed at his Shmee, and he knew he couldn't protect her forever. This put him in mind of his conversation with Ka'rys, though. "Well, we're going to try to change most of that. If I can convince Shmee." He could, he thought. Maybe. If he tried really, really hard and bribed her with something. With what, he wasn't sure, given the undeniable fact that she hadn't seemed particularly interested lately, and the only other thing he could think of that she liked was power - which he really didn't have at the moment. There were trinkets and stuff, but those weren't effective for something on this scale.

Shells, she'd focused on the wrong part of what he said. S'rei's grays eyed her warily. "We weren't part of a wing initially," he began, deliberately leaving out the fact that he'd defected from Fort with Salenth while they were still struggling to communicate with one another and had served at C'leon's side - exclusively - until Thread began to fall. He'd been pumped for the information that had prolonged the war. Oh, yes, S'rei was ever so proud of that part of his history. "But you probably don't remember me because I lead the Thread-flaming wing." It was actually more of a flight, but C'leon hadn't wanted to give S'rei the power that would have come with that title. "We were non-combatant. It was called Mirage." The bronzerider shrugged. He'd never been fond of the name, but then...it wasn't really his decision.

[kysseh]

His wink went unnoticed, but Aliscia did not miss the fact that he seemed to yield before her teasing. She returned to her relaxed position, satisfied that he understood that she was not a frail, delicate little creature. Well, she was little, but 'frail' and 'delicate' were not on the list of approved descriptions. No, Aliscia could be incredibly dangerous and violent, when the need arose. She just... did not feel the need to be very often, especially not at this weyr.

"I have plenty to compare it to. Tanith has only been Rising for... oh, twelve or so Turns now." Oh, she was definitely amused now, and she nuzzled her face a little further into his chest. Yes, he was rather good. Energetic without being violent... and enough stamina to rival her, perhaps. She was not displeased by any count. "I haven't been this well si-" She abruptly cut herself off and fell silent again. No, she did not want to stir up that painful horde of memories. They needed to stay right where they were, which was locked away somewhere where she did not have to deal with them.

His talk of speaking to Shmee had her wondering why the bronzerider had to convince Shmee to do anything. Should it not be the other way around? Weren't the bronzeriders and the weyrleader in charge? Perhaps, coming from a northern weyr, she was not used to a woman being in charge, and she was unsure how she felt about the whole issue. She had her doubts, and she just nodded her head a bit against his chest to let him know that she had heard. It bore thinking of on a later date.

Aliscia felt his eyes on her, and she pulled away a little, just enough that she could lift her head to watch his face. He seemed... cautious. Perhaps he had bad memories too, and she opted to not push the issue. She did not want to anger him and make him leave. She had just become comfortable with him. "That explains it. We were trained for both Thread-flaming and combat... though more for combat. Tanith is frightening in the air," she said, her lips curving faintly at the thought of her mindmate. She loved the green... despite the fact that the beast was as violent and aggressive as they came. "My weyrmate..." She swallowed the lump in her throat. "... was in the Thread-fighting wing. Didn't have the temperament for combat." Stupid, stupid, stupid to bring that up. Now she was having to break his gaze to keep the look in her eyes from betraying her on the sensitivity of the topic. She settled down again, trying to will herself to relax.

"Why did you leave?" she asked in a futile attempt to change the subject. She was curious, though. Why would he want to leave that? He had been in charge, had had a secure position... she would have stayed under those conditions. As it was, she had been in a position where she could have died at any moment, and the thought of what C'leon had done to the pregnant weyrwoman of Selenitas had broken her will to stay. She had not been able to take the abuse any longer and had fled. Cowardly? Perhaps. But seeing where she was lying at the moment, feeling as comfortable as she was, it was hard to argue that staying at Benden would have been the proper choice. "Though I can't disagree with your decision. This place isn't half-bad."