In the Arms Of Rain (Dmitri)

[Rei]

He was very in his head. That much was apparent. Erilena was used to this. It happened from time to time. Dmitri was a thinker and when he had something on his mind a lot of the time it was best to let him work though it as much as he could himself before asking what was wrong. But in this case she simply knew. It was the thing with R’ven that had him so subdued. He’d mentioned things to her off and on. Teasing about how she had chosen the smith over him. About how he didn’t blame her because he was an awkward kid. But the greenrider knew her husband was self-deprecating. Even if he mostly kept it to himself.

Sometimes Erilena desperately wished Dmitri didn’t feel that way. That she could pull those thoughts out of his head and let him see himself as she saw him. How Eikane, Nautic, Raebeli and so many others who really knew him did. She understood to a point why he felt the way he did. The harper’s childhood hadn’t been easy. Abandoned by his father and mother. Raised pretty much by the hall. Subjected to Camlin. On top of that he had to endure what happened in the hatching sands, the looks that that attack had gained him, and the instant judgment that wasn’t at all deserved. None of that helped Dmitri’s self-esteem or confidence any. Now this whole run in with R’ven. It couldn’t help those issues. Not one bit.

Erilena was silent as Dmitri adjusted her clothing for her, hazel eyes flicking to his own blue ones before he broke the gaze to stare down near her chest. A bit of sadness entered her gaze and for a moment she was glad that he couldn’t meet her eyes. Hated that he couldn’t and was a bit glad for it at the same time. Why should he feel like he couldn’t look at her? “Dmitri…” she began softly and trailed off as he bit his lip and his gaze flicked to the ceiling. He was wrestling with his thoughts. It was painfully obvious. There were doubts swirling in those blue grey depths that she often found herself lost in. His eyes were like a storm without the thunder that would represent anger. It was just darkness swirled with doubt. A storm tossed sea.

The blonde reached out a hand to stroke it across the unscarred side of his face and then propped herself up so that she could place a hand on the other side too stroking his cheeks gently. “Dmitri. Look at me.” Erilena waited for him to comply gently turning his head so that he had to look at her more fully. “It’s fine. I don’t care if you’re being a little selfish. It’s upsetting to both of us. Don’t make this all about me because it’s not.” The woman’s voice was calm but there was an underlying firmness to it. There simply because she wanted him to pay attention. “You’re right friends don’t do that. He had no business doing what he did. If there should be any apologies they should be coming from him. Not you. You have every right to be upset, as do I. He has his own reasons to be upset too I’m sure. But he should have found another way to communicate.”

One hand threaded up into his hair her eyes flicking to his trying to hold his dark stormy ones. “Understand something for me. The kiss doesn’t matter. It was unwanted. It meant nothing. I didn’t want it and I still don’t. The part of me that believed I loved him died so long ago Dmitri. It’s been gone for a long time. There isn’t anything left. I tried to tell him that. That I care for him still as a person, but that’s as far as it goes. It pissed me off that he kissed me. That he would do that to you. To me. To himself even. He had no right.”

Erilena shook her head then her hand still moving in a slow caress over the side of her husband’s face. “I wish that it hadn’t happened at all but it did. I wish I had just let it go and not pursued the issue but I wanted to understand why he stayed away too. Why he never came calling. Part of me knew it was because he was upset and I should have just let it go. Not tried to fix something that probably would have been better left alone. That was my mistake. I’m just sorry I drug us all into this. I just wanted to see if I could understand. Make it better maybe. I’m silly like that I guess.” The greenrider sighed softly. “I really wish I would have had something better to tell you. It just…sucks.” She hated seeing him hurting and doubting and knowing that it was her fault and there was little she could do to fix it. Well partially her fault anyway. Blame was shared all around in truth, but she was the catalyst for it all. That truth Erilena couldn’t escape. Still, she couldn’t go back and change the past and what had happened in it. In truth the woman didn’t know if she would even want to. Things fell into place like they had for a reason and she knew in her heart it had all happened as it was supposed to. That she was with Dmitri because what she felt for him could not be denied. No matter what would have happened had events been different she knew somehow that she would have ended up with him in the end, believed it to be a truth that just was.

Loving him was like loving Fey in ways. It was all encompassing. She told him often how she felt. That she had no regrets about being with him. But getting him to believe it as she did was a whole different story and Erilena wasn’t sure sometimes that Dmitri would ever believe it. Her resolve would just have to be enough. She had no plans to ever leave Dmitri as long as she drew breath. She put up with his issues with his ex because she loved him. Accepted him for all his flaws. He may be broken in ways. But he was hers and he was beautiful to her. Maybe one day he would understand and maybe he wouldn’t. But she couldn’t and wouldn’t stop loving him. That was a truth she knew. Dmitri didn’t believe in things such as soul mates, destiny, and fate. To be honest Erilena didn’t really either for the most part. But she believed in him. In them together. In how she felt. There were no lies there. It was all clear as crystal to her and she wasn’t willing to give that up. Would fight to keep it alive.

Gently she kissed his nose. “Hey you with the saaaaad eyeeeeeees~ Don’t be discouraged~” She sing songed softly knowing that she probably sounded terrible but for the moment not caring. If she could just get him to crack something of a smile it would be worth it.

[Requiem]

Responding to her quiet demand, if only because Dmitri had never been much of a fighter when it came to his intimates and wasn't likely to start now, he met the woman's eyes a little reluctantly. His own rejected what she was saying. The harper couldn't help it; he felt that he must have done something to bring all of this on. Perhaps it was only jealousy, but it could have been any number of things. The handler was far from perfect. Yet...he'd never wanted to hurt his friend. Never thought being with Erilena after the man had cast her aside could hurt R'ven.

There was no need for the hand in his hair or the effort to maintain eye contact; Dmitri was listening. Arm bent beneath his head, he hadn't once looked away. She was soothing some of his doubts. It was almost enough to make up for the consternation and being so easily read that she could guess at his thoughts, much as he'd been trying to rid himself of them. He accepted everything she said as he always did. He knew when Erilena was lying. She'd learned a long while ago not to try, and it was better for everyone that way.

At least he hadn't had to ask her any hard questions that might upset her to get the answers he needed. Even if she suspected what had him so subdued, it wouldn't be the same as if he'd actually voiced it.

Blinking, he smiled wryly. "You're much better at dancing," he commented, amused. Not that she was bad for having an untrained voice. Perfect pitch was just something of a curse when almost no one around you shared it. A moment of silence passed between them, idly stroking a thumb along the small of her back. "I'm not worried...about losing you to him. Wasn't worried about that. Not when we have kids." His voice dropped to a near-whisper. "It's good to know you don't have feelings for him anymore," he admitted. "I thought you were going to kill yourself over him for awhile."

Blunt truth. Hadn't she come close a few times? He remembered those instances distinctly. If Erilena - and he had no reason to believe otherwise since she clearly believed what she said - loved Dmitri and had no feelings for R'ven, then times had changed. It was almost enough to cheer him up a little.

Almost. He still had a man he'd thought was a friend kissing his wife and calling him a snake. It felt like a kick to the teeth. "He's really that upset about us being together after he broke up with you? I'm a snake because I'm with you?" There was a mild note of confusion mixed in. "It was...turns after that when we got together. I don't understand." Dmitri sighed softly. "

[Rei]

Hah! She had gotten a smile. Erilena couldn’t help but smile herself, clearly pleased that she had gotten Dmitri to crack a more pleasant expression. The woman had made a habit of doing that before they had even started dating, attempting through various methods to get the harper out of whatever funk he got himself into and smiling again even if only for a little while. She couldn’t help wrinkling her nose at him when he mentioned she was better at dancing. Tempting it was to pinch him, but instead she just reached over for another piece of fruit and rested against him comfortably. His idle caresses were almost lulling her into a sort of comfortable trance and Erilena had let her gaze fall to watching the rise and fall of his chest with each intake of his breath in the silence. When Dmitri spoke again her eyes flicked back up to his face, her full attention going to him to be better able to hear the almost whispered words.

The softly spoken words caused the greenrider to flinch slightly and she shook her head. Looking back it was one of the events that Erilena was most ashamed of in her life. How she had unraveled so badly when R’ven had broken up with her and then again when Dmitri and her had separated. Privately she thought the second time she had gone through it had been worse. That time she had believed she was literally dying slowly but the blonde didn’t mention that fact to him. Didn’t see really how it would help anything at all. Regardless she liked to think that neither time would she really have killed herself. She had Feyrianth after all. Feyrianth would never have stood for such a thing. She had been young and emotional and well…very, very, stupid. Her eyes flicked back to Dmitri’s face the look apologetic. The thought came that she should apologize and tell him that she wouldn’t have left Feyrianth and her other family but he had already gone on and she didn’t feel right bringing it out again.

Instead Erilena frowned and nibbled on another strawberry gathering her thoughts before she spoke. “I don’t understand it either but I don’t know if it’s just that we’re together. Somehow I think it’s more than that. He…well I wish I could have gotten more out of him then I did but as always it was hard to pry out what I did. That much hasn’t changed. I think he even said more than he wanted.” The brownrider had been so irritated with her that otherwise Erilena knew he would have said even less. She still remembered that about him. How closed he was. That’s part of the reason she had had issues with him. How closed R’ven was bothered her. She was always left second guessing, or just plain outright guessing how he felt sometimes. Just wishing that he would let her in. Only it never happened and then he was pulling away even more and the greenrider just…couldn’t take it.

Her eyes flicked back to her husband and she rested her head on his chest listening to the sudden hard pattering of rain against the window panes. “I wish I could tell you more than I can. He wasn’t very forthcoming with it all. All I know is he’s upset with both of us and that he had started feeling that way even before Wasteland took over. I just, I wish I could give you the answers you want Dmitri but I don’t have them. Only one person does.”

Erilena wasn’t a fool. She knew that that likely meant. Dmitri would want to go and find out for his own. He’d want to know. The blonde frowned at that idea. She didn’t want her husband to get hurt further but somehow she knew he would feel he had to go anyway. It wasn’t right to stop him. She had to support him in it. She just hoped that R’ven would be at least civil. The woman couldn’t believe that the smith wouldn’t be, but if tempers got flared…Dmitri wasn’t a fighter. Not at all. And that worried her just a bit. Maybe it was the baby making her a bit more over anxious then usual but she couldn’t help the feeling of concern. Finally she spoke softly trying not to betray the anxiety she felt. “Take Dmisk with you when you go. Please.” Because honestly he didn’t have to say that he was going to go. Somehow, Erilena just knew.