A Flight-Mixed Cocktail (S'rei)

[kysseh]

Rare was it that Aliscia found herself alone these days, though she could hardly protest that fact, all things considered. Since landing herself in the Infirmary and being physically debilitated, she had had a rather odd new 'roommate' of sorts that had her heart nearly in pieces over his almost-pitiful state. Scratch that; he was rather pitiful. She frequently wanted to embrace him for no good reason other than to soothe him, but that impulse was always repressed. The greenrider settled for a hand on his arm or his leg, letting him know that she was always welcome with him. Faolan had been a great help, even when she had sulked about being on very limited duty for several sevendays.

The greenrider passed a reflective surface as she walked down the tunnels and maze of hallways that connected all of the weyrs, and she was no longer startled by how awful she looked. Her face was several shades paler than its usual hue, and there were dark circles beneath her eyes. Despite her fatigue, sleep came restlessly, and the aches in her body kept her from peaceful resting. Her arm was still bound up and in its sling, though that would be gone in another few sevendays. Her ribs had largely healed but for a sore ache, and her forehead was marked only by a freshly-healed scar. But... injury could not account for her vomiting every morning, the unusual tenderness in her breasts, and the telling absence of her monthly cycle. Her cycles were sporadic in the last few Turns, but this was an unusually long absence, even for her damaged body. And Aliscia had already connected the dots to figure out what was wrong with her.

Leaving Faolan asleep--or, she hoped he was asleep--on his couchbed, she had quietly slipped from the weyr to go find her wingleader and request a temporary leave from duties. She wanted to be back before the young man in her weyr noticed she was gone. He tended to be distressed when not knowing where she was or what was happening, and it had been a chore to keep her daily illness under control and quiet so as not to wake him. The last thing she wanted was to stress him more than he already was, and she was just too tired to be of much comfort.

Unfortunately, thinking of Faolan brought up the thought of S'rei, and as she thought of that, she felt a stab of fear. She had no idea how the bronzerider would respond to this little tidbit, which was probably why she had worried in solitary silence about it for a full sevenday before finally steeling her resolve to go to her wingleader. That meeting with Ka'rys would be purely emotionless, procedural. That, she could handle. But, not knowing how S'rei would respond had her more nervous than the veteran greenrider wanted to admit, which was why she was glad his weyr with Shmee was far, far beyond the third level of weyrs that she was heading for. She was halfway there, now. Just.... a few more hallways and turns and stairways to go....

[reqqy]

Only His. Salenth rumbled in amusement. The man had been walking this time. No, not walking, but rather pacing, running his hands through his hair and generally making himself look like a madman on the verge of mental collapse. Then, as he neared a wall...he'd just fallen right asleep. One moment, ReiMine's thoughts were fast and furious, bombarding Salenth nonstop as he pushed himself to think of every possible angle in regard to the training of the wing that wasn't his, but still managed to be his responsiblity. The next moment...complete and utter stillness. Both dragon and rider knew that he was diving into work to avoid the issues back at their weyr. ReiMine and Aslath's were easily on as rocky ground as Aslath and Salenth, save for one little annoyance. Human hatchlings didn't grow nearly as quickly as dragon ones, and ReiMine was stuck.


As far as Salenth was concerned, this was comfortable for him. He didn't have to pretend around Aslath just so he could be near His. ReiMine spent just as many nights away from the weyr as he did near it nowadays. Almost always with Salenth now. Was it so wrong to appreciate the fact that His now spent so much time just with him? Surely not. ReiMine didn't seem to mind, certainly, that Salenth thought this, and of course he knew. They knew everything about each other. The shallowness of their bond during those shaky turns had inspired them to strengthen it to the point where not only did they not want to hide thoughts or feelings from each other, but they actually couldn't. Sometimes the man seemed annoyed at this, but Salenth never was. His memory wasn't the best, but he'd always remember those frightening turns where he couldn't even speak to His.

Right now, though, the man risked toppling over like a great tree at any moment, and much as that amused Salenth, you never knew what a solid bump to the head might do to those weak human things that all dragons seemed to need so much. He contemplated for a few moments more than necessary, watching as the man shifted first one way, then the other, sliding along the wall in purely comical fashion. Then Salenth interjected with a booming, Booo! Time to wake up, ReiMine! People aren't supposed to sleep on their feet! He was gratified by a sharp outcry, S'rei having started and braced himself on the wall, eyes darting before he realized it was Salenth who'd shocked him so. Great hulking brute. What was that for?! the man demanded, even his thoughts muddy as if through sleepiness. You were going to fall flat on your butt, Salenth responded cheerfully. And startling me awake would somehow work better? You're still standing, the dragon pointed out reasonably. S'rei merely directed a glare in his direction. The dragon rumbled in another bout of amusement.

I'm going to grab something to eat and some klah to keep me awake. Try not to cause too much trouble while I'm gone. Salenth crooned amiably in response. He knew S'rei wanted a chance to stretch his legs, hoping that the exertion might waken him up some. As if! ReiMine never woke up quickly. The bronzerider pushed out into the hall, pausing a moment in the hallway to get his bearings. Oh. Right. Yes, third floor. Offices. He wanted to go...up? Or down. S'rei paused uncertainly, blinking at the stairs and trying to reorient himself. Salenth found this greatly amusing, so didn't bother to help him out any. It was then that the bronzerider saw his most recent flightmate, and his natural affability took over, the bronzerider striding over to her - and if his steps seemed rather shaky, his sleepy smile showed some life.

There was genuine warmth in his face - perhaps because she was the last decent memory he had with a woman, but that was neither here nor there - as he came to smile down on her. "Aliscia! Haven't seen you in awhile." Suddenly he frowned, his large hand falling on the shoulder of her undamaged arm, gently enough not to aggravate her other wounds. "You're looking like you haven't slept or eaten in days. This isn't just the injuries. What's going on?" He searched her eyes, and though he was still struggling to wake up, S'rei was definitely in the real world enough to recognize something was most certainly amiss.

[kysseh]

Aliscia had been so lost in her own focused, self-absorbed thoughts that she failed to realize that she was heading straight for one of the last people she wanted to see at the moment. The petite greenrider was therefore quite startled when something large moved in her field of vision, and her hand instinctively went toward her belt knife, pausing halfway there when she realized that the bumbling, comically sleepy person was none other than her recent... flightpartner, for lack of a better term. As he drew closer--and on such unsteady feet--she instinctively put out a hand as if in a futile gesture to try to stabilize his shaky strides. Where had he just been sleeping, the great idiot?!

But, oh, how tall he was! Aliscia had to tip her head back very far to look him in the face, and even then, she quickly averted her gaze downward and away again at the warmth on his expression. She had forgotten just how big the man was, and where it had made her feel safe and protected in bed, it now made her nervous and intimidated.... both of which she hated. She straightened her back a little, as much as her tired body would allow, in an effort to strengthen her own will. He was just a bronzerider, a great big softie of a bronzerider. She had handled his type on a rare occasion, and she could just... politely smile and then move past before the conversation turned.

But.... the sleepy enthusiasm in his tone broke whatever resolve she had had to just keep walking past the polite greetings, and her light gold eyes reluctantly looked upward into his smiling face. Her shoulders drooped, and the second the frown appeared, she wilted very visibly, her shoulders trembling lightly under the weight of his hand. She could not handle this now. She could, but she couldn't, and as he looked concerned, his eyes searching hers, her gaze dropped again. She worried at her lower lip, wishing she could give a passably polite answer and flee before she confessed the whole mess to him. But... no, he just had to be kind, considerate, thoughtful... and Aliscia found an unfamiliar wetness gathering in the corners of her eyes. Her free hand came up to cover her face, heedless of her own protection from the nonthreatening figure of the bronzerider, and she attempted to cover up the fact that her eyes were leaking ridiculous hormonal tears. She never, ever wept like this for no good reason, and she wanted to tell him that. Unfortunately, all that came out was a ridiculous sniffle.

That was pathetic, and Aliscia immediately cringed at what an emotionally overwrought female she was turning into. In the back of her mind, Tanith was made restless by her distress, and the greenrider took a moment to soothe the beast back to sleep. Tanith provided little in the way of protests, for which Aliscia was greatly relieved. It did not remove the pressing problem of the man staring in concern down at her. Time to 'fess up. "Not sleeping well..." Understatement. "Food not sitting well." Even more of an understatement. "Just exhausted." Also a strong, dramatic understatement of matters. She was getting to be the queen of this.

Unfortunately, as she wanted to spit out The Word, her hormones overcame her, and the tears really started flowing. Humiliated and unable to contain herself, she instinctively stepped closer to his warm body and rested her tear-streaked face--and hand--on his torso. She would be just fine in a minute, thank you. A little comfort was necessary, but she would be fine. She was frightened, honestly. Frightened of managing all alone, of him reacting violently. Perhaps that was why she was crying, to stave off the inevitable admission of her crime.

No, not a crime. It was scarcely her fault! She could outline any number of reasons, of situations that conspired against her. It all came down to her body, though, the body that was currently betraying her in her tearful distress. She was so embarrassed that she could not even raise her face to look at him. "I'm sorry..." For her tears, her weakness, the mess she had caused... for everything. But most of all, for throwing this most serious of obstacles into his happy life.

[reqqy]

If he was somewhat off-put by her reaction to him, he made no indication of it. Certainly, it was possible that S'rei didn't even notice how she seemed to be rather uncertain about him. He really was used to towering over everyone, and often forgot that just his height was enough to intimidate some people. Besides...most of the people who knew him didn't seem at all afraid, so why should he worry about it? Everyone seemed to realize that he was something of a sleeping feline. A male feline. The sort that just lazed around and watched cubs at play, very rarely evincing anything resembling aggression, though of course scary when he did so. Neither was it easy to stir up that aggressive anger. Certainly, no one could do it simply by looking at him a little warily, especially when she was clearly ill.

Pretty eyes Aliscia had, and unbearably sad at the moment. He blinked, somewhat lost. All of her carefully gathered poise seemed to vanish the moment he'd touched her, melting away with each passing second. Not good. Not good at all. He sincerely hoped he had nothing to do with her present condition. Well, aside from the wounds that Shmee's clothes had caused the greenrider, anyway...That was already done, wasn't it? And of course the Weyrwoman had merely done it as a ploy. If he'd thought of Aliscia immediately, he might have truly been angry enough at Shmee to raise his voice. No one deserved to get hurt this badly just so the woman could play her manipulative games! Truthfully, though, the greenrider hadn't been much on his mind at the time. His heart had quite vocally broken, and though he still found love for Shmee somewhere inside, it was tattered and frayed.

Much as Aliscia looked now. Biting at her lip. The hand before her face, trembling. Even he could see the tears cradling the curvature of chin. This was...distressing, to say the least. Aliscia wasn't one of those women who went to pieces on a whim. In fact, he doubted she'd want anyone to see her crying, much less in public. Whatever it was, this had to be something big, and a nagging voice stirred inside him, whispering various reasons she might be doing so, none of them particularly reassuring. Ask Tanith's, Mine. Don't speculate. You always think it's worse than it is.

Her eyes finally met his, reddened and moistened by tears. He resisted the urge to reach down and clear her face of them, but this was no longer her weyr in the aftermath of the Flight. S'rei hadn't touched her outside of Flight, and because he'd made it an impersonal - if somewhat friendly - experience, he really had no right to touch her so intimately. Certainly not in the middle of the hallway. His frown deepened as she began to speak. People with injuries needed rest and food. Helped them heal. More, he knew she was well-aware of that, and didn't do anything to remind her of how such things were clearly neglecting her health. (After all, S'rei didn't have the best track record himself, and who was he to pass judgment?) It definitely didn't seem like she was deliberately depriving herself, and he was now growing very worried. Whatever could be the matter?

Watching her, he could tell she was wanting to say something else, but she didn't, just bursting into more tears and reaching for him. Confused - no man tended to feel comfortable around emotions that had no obvious source - and very much disconcerted, S'rei let his arms encircle her, no longer caring about such things like being out in the hallway. Aliscia clearly needed comfort, and he'd never been able to deny a woman that. Perhaps he felt it was the least he could do, since they were all so sharding confusing and he couldn't even understand them half the time. The woman had buried her face in his stomach, the man wryly thinking that he wouldn't have a single dry piece of clothing between all the women in his life soon enough. Not that he could fault Aliscia, as he knew this couldn't be just her crying for no reason.

She was...apologizing? For what? S'rei sunk to one knee, putting them nearly at eye-level, again looking at her with that vaguely puzzled expression. "Just tell me, 'Liscia. It can't possibly make you feel any worse if you do." His arms had never left her, though now a hand snaked up to the back of her head, drawing her into his chest. Such a small woman. She almost seemed delicate, this small and crying. Hard to remember that she could likely kill him with little trouble if she wanted. Not that he was the sort to go down easy, but she was definitely a threat to anyone she saw as enemy. "Come," he urged quietly, lifting her and standing to walk back toward his office, where at least the greenrider could experience this in relative peace, instead of presenting herself as a spectacle to anyone who might pass.

He set her in his chair, rummaging around for a glass and pouring her some water before pressing it into her hand. "Drink some. That should help. Just drink and breathe." Oh, yes, he'd dealt with tears plenty of times. Crouching beside her, he looked up, watching Aliscia for a long moment, waiting for her to collect herself. Poor thing. The crying must be nearly as distressing as the reason for it.

[kysseh]

The fact that S'rei was offering comfort only prolonged Aliscia's tears. Granted, they were not hysterical sobs nor the dramatics that some women indulged in. There were not gallons of tears, massive amounts of attention-grabbing noise. No, it was just tears moving in a slow trickle down her cheeks, accompanied by the occasional sniffle. The greenrider just didn't do tears, hysterics, or sobs. Whether it was because she lacked the capacity or the will was undetermined, but the fact still remained that she avoided tears at all costs. She felt horribly embarrassed by having broken down in front of S'rei. She should have just managed a polite excuse and moved on to talk to the wingleader. She was too emotionally raw to deal with this right now.

Stupid sharding hormones.

His warm arms stayed around her, even as he bent down to get nearer to her eye level. She managed a wry sort of smile at the realization that the giant of a man was still taller than her, and she suddenly wished she had an extra few inches in height. It would make it much easier to scare off and intimidate others into leaving her alone if she were not so tiny. S'rei's vaguely puzzled expression had her smiling just a little, though his words were far from soothing. S'rei, if you had any idea how much your life is about to be destroyed... She said nothing, though, merely allowing him to lift her with relative ease into his arms. She had not put on a single ounce of weight, and if anything, she had lost it. Even Savitri had commented how undernourished she looked, and perhaps that was the reason she did not even fight when he took her to a more private area.

Then she was settled in a chair, and she sniffled a bit and wiped the tears away with the back of her hand, taking deep breaths in an attempt to calm her rare display of distress. She hated being vulnerable like this, and it was incredibly embarrassing to break down in public. It did not matter how minimal the tears were. They were still tears, and, therefore, they were hugely embarrassing. She sipped a little at the offered--or forced?--glass of water and was surprised at how good it felt going down. With her stomach in such upheaval every morning, it had ruined her already-small appetite, so she ate even less than her usual small meals. Water tasted good? Who would've thought?!

The petite woman finally, reluctantly, turned her reddened gaze to the man crouched next to her chair. He looked so confused, and Aliscia felt horrible for what she was about to inflict on him, her sniffles finally receding just a little. But... her decision on the matter was made. "S'rei, I'm pregnant." Her voice cracked a little, and she took another gulp of water to cover that, her limbs quivering as she waited for his reaction to that announcement. "And it's yours, before you ask." It could be no one else's, but men tended to have doubts about such things. "And I'm keeping it." There. Period. End of story. Now it was time to gauge his response and prepare for aggression, if need be. She had made the decision to keep this child, conscious of the fact that S'rei would not leave his weyrmate to be with and help her, conscious of the fact that she had no weyrmate of her own to help her. Yes, she was on her own, but that did not stop her from wanting to bestow all kinds of attention on her unborn offspring. Child, child.... finally, perhaps, a child! Her child, too. Hers.

[reqqy]

After so long with Shmee, and even Laurie, the man found it a bit more unsettling to witness the silent tears. He was used to hysterics, not what seemed like profound sorrow barely held in check. If he were to ever cry - and, if he were honest, he had upon occasion, though certainly not because he'd simply let his emotions go - S'rei imagined it would be much like that. And just thinking along those terms distressed him. After all, when had he cried? Very, very rarely. He remembered tears standing over Sage. Remembered being so emotionally detached that the moisture confused him. And the first battle he'd ever been in? Yes, tears then, too, because it hurt to see people he knew die, and even more it hurt to be the death of a stranger and know that some part of him had enjoyed it. Some dark, hidden part. The only other time he could remember was when he finally recalled the events of the stabbing and an overwhelming sorrow for his brothers consumed him. Not even at Shmee's miscarriage had he cried.

Yes, because Aliscia's tears were much like he thought his own must be, his mind immediately turned to happenings on that emotional level, and a small tremor went through him. He wanted to protect her. But how could he do that when he didn't even know what to protect her from? She seemed grateful for the water. That pleased him a little, if only because he felt like he was doing something other than just bearing witness. S'rei, as with most men, had trouble doing nothing. It was hard to deal with a woman's tears. Come to think of it, that was probably true of men's tears, as well, particularly considering males - at least as S'rei, who was very northern in some ways, viewed them - so rarely cried.

When she finally opened her mouth, though, all he could do was blink, sinking down to sit cross-legged on the floor at her feet to mask the sudden leadenness come into his limbs. Pregnant...He'd thought it was something terrible! Then S'rei frowned inwardly, reminding himself that no, it might not seem so terrible to him given all the horrors her crying had brought up into his imagination, but in the end, he was not the one who would have to birth a baby or care for it. Of course it didn't seem so terrible to him. No, no, that was wrong, too. Aliscia couldn't hate the idea too much, or she would never have told him and simply jumped Between with Tanith once she healed. His sluggish mind couldn't seem to equate the tears with anything.

ReiMine. Your hatchling. I don't think she'd tell me if it wasn't mine, he responded, still perplexed. What of Aslath's? What if Tanith's wants you to stay with her? Ohhhhhh. S'rei frowned up at Aliscia, listening to the rest of her words, which pretty much just confirmed what he'd already figured out, even through that sleepy thought process of his. Shmee wouldn't be happy. That was for certain. It really wasn't his fault, any more than it was Aliscia's, since neither of them had any control over it, but since when had that mattered at all to the Weyrwoman? She'd probably say he deliberately got Aliscia pregnant just to spite her. More rationally, she might claim Aliscia brought the baby to term just to spite her, which was almost certainly untrue, but at least it made a little more sense.

He felt a headache coming on. S'rei didn't have to...tell her? Oh, but that was stupid. He wasn't planning on simply abandoning Aliscia to raise a child of his. Aliscia had done nothing wrong and didn't deserve to be punished in that fashion. Nor could he live with her, though, even if that didn't seem like such a bad idea given how absolutely clear Shmee had made it that she used him as the fool he was and didn't at all return the love he couldn't seem to shake. No, hanging around Aliscia more without an explanation wasn't intelligent. Better to just tell Shmee...though he might at least wait until Aliscia got closer to term, just in case she changed her mind. S'rei didn't much relish going through that scene unless he had to.

Finally, he met her eyes, a somewhat goofy half-grin that looked more nervous than ought else touching his lips. "I thought it was something world-ending," he stated, an attempt at humor that fell a little short, but he'd tried, right? That had to count for something. Reaching out, he placed a hand on her calf. "I'm just flattered you want to keep a child of mine. Truly. I can't really complain about inconvenience when you're the one who will have to carry it to term. Though...you do realize I won't be able to raise a baby with you, right?" He searched her face, unsure if she did. Women sometimes got strange notions. Even if rumors were circulating about him and Shmee, as they might very well be, he couldn't just jump ship every time - Faranth, he hoped this didn't become a common theme! - some new woman became pregnant with his seed.

No, he'd claim Aliscia's child. He just couldn't...be there like he was for Shei. It would be nice if S'rei could keep all his children close, but he couldn't very well start his own personal harem, if for no other reason than the fighting of the women would surely drive him mad. You're taking this remarkably well. Must be because you're still asleep. S'rei couldn't suppress a snort. Must be.

[kysseh]

Aliscia was unsurprised when he sank to the floor at her feet, though it made her feel a little better to know that he needed a moment to take in the news. She had suspected something after the third consecutive morning of vomiting, but it had taken her an additional sevenday to seek out Savitri for a consultation. Or, rather, to work up the nerve to seek out the healer-turned-weyrling. Even then, another sevenday had passed before the greenrider could process the thought of the consequences in order to try to seek out her wingleader to ask for leave. It occurred to her as strange that she had not even once considered terminating the pregnancy, and it was even stranger how wholeheartedly Tanith seemed to endorse the idea of her being 'egg-heavy.' Maybe the green remembered Aliscia's distress, or maybe she just got an inkling of how important this was to Aliscia, how joyful. Aggressive as she was, Tanith's greatest joy was Hers' happiness.

'Happy' was scarcely her mood right now, but she managed to keep her tears at bay, if only because the frown on S'rei's face made her realize she was going to have to clarify on a few details. There was no way he would leave Shmee, and she knew it. She didn't want him too, really, for then she would have to put up with a whining, simpering creature at the door of their weyr nearly all the time. And, quite frankly, she would just rather not deal with it. S'rei was an attractive man, but the two of them.... it wasn't what she wanted, what either of them wanted.

His attempt at humor earned him a half-hearted glare, though Aliscia could put very little real ire into it. Truth be told, she was relieved that he had reacted so well to the news. She had been expecting anger, disbelief.... something explosive, perhaps. This was gratifyingly calm. However, he seemed to be jumping to a lot of conclusions, and she needed to set the record straight right here and now. "I don't expect you to be involved... at all, for a variety of reasons." Shmee, his own pride, her pride, stress, not enough time... the list went on and on and on. "I just... want you to acknowledge that this is your child. And it is, without a doubt." There had been no one else, but did he know that? Probably not. Best to air that detail early and again, just so he got it into his head.

His pride in her wanting to keep a child of 'his' drew a reluctantly smile from her, and she set aside the glass of water and shook her head in mild disbelief, hair brushing along her pale jawline. The overwhelming emotions were fleeing, and she found herself left just tired in their stead. Crying took a lot of energy, even if it was just little sniffles, and she had no energy to spare at the moment. She shifted the arm still encased in its sling, wishing she had the full use of both hands. "It's not that... it's your child. I'm old, S'rei, and the odds of me ever weyrmating again are very slim. The odds of me getting pregnant-" It was easier to use the word now, she noted, and she lightly curled an arm around her midsection. She would not show for a few months more, but that did not stop her from adoring that growing child. "-are even less. I've lost enough family and lovers and children..." Her voice caught, and she had to swallow, take a moment to compose herself. "... that I'm not willing to let this opportunity go."

Aliscia looked him over, her eyes drifting over his face, his expression, his hand where it rested on her calf. He was taking the news a lot more calmly than she had anticipated. Was it because he looked half-asleep? Perhaps. He was not going to like this next confession, though. "I actually... wasn't going to tell you for awhile yet. I didn't know what to say." And she still didn't, apparently, for she was fumbling her way through this like an awkward teen, which irked her. This should not be so difficult. "I was going to ask my wingleader for maternity leave. With the problems with you and the weyrwoman... that I keep hearing about, it seemed like a bad time to... bring this up." The damage was done now, though, so what to do? She sighed softly, closed her eyes, and leaned her head back, wishing fervently she could go back to the days when she had a weyrmate to fuss over and take care of her. She missed being looked after sometimes.

[reqqy]

S'rei couldn't help but frown at Aliscia. Acknowledge that the child was his...What did that even mean? She didn't want him to deny it if someone asked him? He wasn't much of a liar - if only because he was extremely bad at it, and there was no point in telling a falsehood if everyone knew it was false just by the expression on your face - so of course he wouldn't deny the fact that the child was his. Did she mean to say that if, in passing, their offspring ever approached him he should treat them as a child of his, as most dragonriders did who fostered out? That went without saying. If Aliscia wanted him to publically declare it, though, he would refuse that one. It would humiliate Shmee to do so. Much as he didn't like her right now, he still loved her, and he wouldn't stoop to anything that low.

It never once occured to S'rei to question the validity of the greenrider's claim that he was the father. And why should it? If there was any possibility that it was someone's other than S'rei's, she would most certainly have gone with that option, even if some uncertainty was involved. This development was just too complicated a matter to choose. He didn't know how his weyrmate would react toward Aliscia, and that worried him a little. Shmee could be very vindictive. No, if Aliscia were a reasonable creature, and he believed she was, the woman would not claim him as the father unless she had no other choice, if only because it had the potential to make her own life miserable. He was feeling miserable just by complicating things so much because of his...well, best just to say that he couldn't seem to lie with anyone without getting them pregnant. And Shmee's clothes and Aliscia's injuries. If not for all these factors (all of them related to him!) she wouldn't be pregnant right now.

"I'm not sure I know what you mean," he interjected quietly. "What is acknowledging a child to you? Because I don't want to make things harder on you with - the Weyrwoman - but I can't see myself just being some shadowy sperm donor off in the corner that my own child only knows the same way any other child at the weyr might know me." There was a touch of distress in his voice. Yes, he already had a daughter, but just the thought of denying the child he'd made with Aliscia by being a complete nonentity in their life didn't...sit well. "I'm not saying it's even remotely possible to be very involved in your lives. I can't just turn away and pretend it didn't happen except when people mention it in passing, though. That might be a pride issue, but it's true nonetheless."

It was weird, a man insisting that he not be left out of the picture, especially a man with a family, but S'rei just...he had a soft spot for children. A sense of responsibility for any child he brought into the world, and a desire to watch them grow up and be at least a small part of their lives as they did so. Was that so wrong? Aslath's probably won't appreciate it. She should, the man responded bitterly. If not for that part of who I am, I would already have left her. There's only Shei for me now. Somehow, I don't think your ball and chain will see it that way. S'rei was torn between cursing at Salenth and laughing at the mental imagery. Instead, he settled for a grimace, feeling the headache build behind his eyes.

The bronzerider was, fortunately, distracted by Aliscia's disbelieving smile and comments. He nodded solemnly, understanding how she could feel...old. S'rei certainly did at times. It wasn't wise for women to bear children later in life. Her window would close much sooner than his. Although why she thought there would be no one else for her was beyond him. He'd thought that, albeit at a somewhat younger and more foolish age than hers now, but there was Shmee. Then again, maybe he hadn't been so foolish to believe that there could be no one after Sage. Look at how well this had turned out. He didn't want Aliscia dwelling on any of that, though. "You know how to deflate a man's ego, don't you?" he questioned, only half teasing. "Just stay as you are, and someone will come along, eh? I've seen people strike up relationships when they're old enough to be needing canes just to get around." That was true enough.

Perhaps a bit too cheery, but it was easier than dwelling on the mess he'd be walking into shortly. Not that Shmee would miss him if he spent another night in the office. Avoidance? Most definitely. A brow rose as she continued to speak. Wasn't going to...How long had she planned to wait? Until she was showing? That almost made him snort. Oh, that was ten times better. Rumors going around and getting worse with each cycle. He would have loved to hear this information secondhand. Aliscia's pregnant. Had you heard? "I'm not sure why you would think later is better, but I hope you didn't plan on waiting until you couldn't hide it anymore. Don't think I'm blaming you - Faranth knows it's not your fault - but this is going to be bad on my end no matter when it comes out. Shmee was upset enough that I 'let' Salenth chase your Tanith. Apparently we let our dragons chase now. I'd rather her get over the first wave of 'let's tear Rei a new one' before she has to be visually confronted with your pregnancy."

He then winced at what he'd just said. S'rei didn't mean to come across that harshly, or to even mention Shmee, as he didn't want Aliscia feeling bad about that. "I'm sorry. That's not your problem. You've got others to deal with, and don't need to be thinking about that." He ran a hand through his hair and glanced moodily toward the door. The man was half-expecting his weyrm- no, coinhabitant - to walk through the door in the middle of this, just because the timing would be at it's absolute worst. Oh yeah, now he was beginning to wake up.

[kysseh]

The frown on his face when she spoke of acknowledging his child made her assume--and reasonably so, she thought--that he wanted no part of this mess. He, after all, had a weyrmate and a daughter to think of. Weyrlife was tolerant and uninhibited about the bearing of offspring, but, somehow, his weyrmate did not seem to be included in that general rule. Unfortunately for him, though, Aliscia was not about to lie when asked whom the father was. And if her luck held true, this child would be such an unreasonably large, large-headed one that it would be completely unmistakable as to whom the father was. That thought alone made her want to cringe in pain.

His words put a stop to that train of thought, and the greenrider frowned at the thought of what he was implying. Was he being purposely difficult and contradictory, or was he just asleep still? It was time to make this very, very simple. "I just don't want you to lie when someone, including this child, asks." She opened up her eyes to stare down at him, suddenly wishing she could just crawl back into bed. Caring for Tanith, going for a morning walk, tending to her straps, getting ill... it made her very tired, moreso than she should have been. Her voice dropped to just above a murmur. "I don't know what you want of me... of us... though. You want to be known as 'father' but not be there? Do you know how hard that'd be on a child, to know that its father only comes around once a month because he's too busy with the other woman and other child?" And how hard it would be on Aliscia, for that matter.

His comments about his ego merely made her snort softly, and she arched a suggestive eyebrow. Clearly, the bronzerider did not see the pregnancy as a clear sign of his.... virility. He also seemed to conveniently forget the stroking she had done of his pride following the Flight. Convenient, much, how these things slipped the mind. His words were hardly comforting either, not now. "I've lost two weyrmates, S'rei. And a child near to term..." And, shards, how that still hurt, made her want to cry again. "I'm not sure if I could handle another loss." Her arm instinctively tightened around her midsection as if that futile gesture could help protect her tiny, far-from-birth child from the happenings of life. What she said was true, though. Her broken heart was only just beginning to heal, and it was currently taking enough of a beating at his insistence of being present for their child with his hands completely off the whole mess. It made her bitter to the point where she wholeheartedly wished another dragon had Flown Tanith. Of course he'd make this difficult.

His insensitivity rankled deep down, and she waited in stony silence through his apology, noting how he looked at the door as if expecting... someone. His weyrmate, perhaps? That would not have surprised her in the least. Of course the weyrwoman would come prancing through the door to freak out at the scene. He wanted to know why she waited, hmm? Fine then. She was tired enough that she could not stop the tumble of words that spewed forth. "I didn't anticipate you being interested or involved at all. It would just be my child, sired by you.... while you're off placating the weyrwoman," she said honestly, tiredly. "I was afraid you'd react pretty badly to the news. And I was fully prepared for you to not want to even know who your chidl was." And she also did not want to deal with this necessary emotional.... nightmare?

Unfortunately, his glance toward the door made her remember that she had been gone for a little while from her own weyr, longer than she had anticipated. Shardit, she hoped Faolan was not going to awake soon. She touched on Tanith's mind, but the green was still sleeping. She retreated in an effort to not disturb the green from her nap and instead just hoped that her 'roommate' had not awakened upset to find her gone. She was never quite sure how he would take some things.

"I didn't want to.... mess things up like this..." she said apologetically, her voice very quiet. She wanted to reach for him to comfort them both, but she was... too tired. Besides that, he seemed to be antsy about her touching him at all before, so perhaps her keeping her distance was wise. Shame... she could have used a little human contact right about now. The flight had made her needier than usual. It was like wakening from a long sleep and finding oneself starved for food. Though.... this was a deprivation of any sort of contact, and now she craved it. If he would have let her, she would have curled up on the floor next to him and put her head in his lap, regardless of the discomfort of her body. She very nearly sighed at how desperate she was becoming and shoved her feelings down hard. She was fine, truly. She did not need that sort of comforting touch...

[reqqy]

S'rei just watched her, feeling like he really, really should have just stayed back at Fort in the before-when. There was Shei. Yes, he had to keep that in mind. There was Shei. The one true joy in his life at the moment, though Miguel was also a dear, and Laurie was nearly as supportive as Salenth. The irony of the whole thing was that his life also wouldn't be nearly as miserable if there wasn't Shei. The babe that was his pride and his solace also tied him to Shmee. If not for their daughter...No point dwelling on the what-ifs. Tonight he would simply return to the weyr of the Weyrwoman, endure whatever she decided to throw at him, and sleep - or attempt to - in the same room as a woman who hated him for...he wasn't exactly sure why she did. He wished he could hate her. He truly did. It would make things a little easier.

Looking at Aliscia now, he wondered if it was just him. Did everything S'rei touch inevitably turn to crap? He transferred to Benden...and the war started right after. His defection from Fort to Benden denied Fort their victory, prolonging the war. S'rei came to Selenitas, and suddenly Benden seemed to take an interest. This is ridiculous. The bad things of the world do not hinge around my arrogant rider. Do you think you're really so important? I think I'm really good at mucking up everyone else. We had no choice in some things, others were coincidences, and you have nothing to do with Aslath's problems. She caused them herself. The problems of Tanith's are nothing you can control. I will drop you off the side of the cliff if you continue this, if only because it will give me a second of peace of mind. You may blame yourself for what you can reasonably control, but all the rest is off-limits.

It helped a little, S'rei supposed, Salenth's words. But they didn't take away the fact of the matter. The man's face had blanked, his eyes withdrawn, lips pressed tightly together. Part of him truly did want to curse at Aliscia. She was bringing so many complications into his life, and the only truly enjoyable thing about these complications was being denied him. Was it really so hard on a child to have a father who just came around occasionally? Most children were fostered out. It was the status quo, was it not? He didn't think most of them would complain about occasionally seeing their biological parents, although S'rei wouldn't know, seeing as how he and his three siblings had all been raised within the weyr of their parents.

He fiddled with the edge of a trouser leg, coming to stare at the floor. It was really...Aliscia's decision. Even if he'd had any inclination to fight with her, all of that energy was reserved for Shmee. Shells, he didn't even have enough spirit to fight that woman day in and day out. Her name just left him feeling emotionally deadened. S'rei slowly nodded. "I suppose...that's fair." No, it wasn't! his heart cried at him, but he ignored it. Fairness wasn't really a part of his life anymore. No one seemed to appreciate what he was willing to give, either taking advantage of it or shunning it entirely. Maybe he just shouldn't give. Then that would no longer be a problem, right? He could become a Ka'rys. That actually amused him a little, that thought, and his mouth twitched.

In the end, S'rei never fought for himself.

So she was just afraid, was that it? Afraid to open up to anyone because she might lose them, too? Didn't she understand that he'd been there? That fear was something he knew intimately. That and many, many other fears. Salenth was not the only one who panicked when his bonded seemed at a remove. Even now, the bronze's quiet presence shored the man up. Aliscia had no idea...just how much you could lose. S'rei and Salenth had glimpsed the other side, and it still haunted his dreams at times. Yes, he'd been there, but it could be overcome. Eventually. Why give her his advice, though? She didn't want it. All she wanted was for him not to deny her. Yet she was denying him. Shardit, he needed to stop thinking this way. He really did. It wasn't doing anyone any good.

Not even S'rei could maintain his silence forever, though. He ran a hand through his hair, speaking quietly. "Just a means to an end again. You have your child, Shmee has her - I don't know anymore: crutch? punching bag? I'll just content myself with Shei and Salenth, I suppose." Yes, that's what he'd do. He did smile at her, rather sadly. "No, I understand, really. It must be terrible to end up impregnated by a man who can't be what you need him to be. We'll just have to forgive each other for stepping all over each other's toes. If you don't want me involved...I won't be." His throat tightened, so he fell silent.

He did lean into her chair, though, too emotionally weary to want to sit up anymore. It wouldn't have been this bad if he wasn't already at a low point because of Shmee. Aliscia's apology had him chuckling bitterly. "You? You didn't cause anything. You're just forced to deal with it." He took her hand, squeezed it briefly, not sure he could handle Aliscia on a guilt trip or - Faranth, no - in tears again. He wasn't so sure he could keep himself composed if she started that up again.

[kysseh]

Aliscia felt her throat closing up, tears threatening at her eyes again as he seemed to bitterly take what she was giving him. She held back her distress, not willing to break down again in front of him. He did nothing wrong. She did nothing wrong. Circumstances had taken place, and now they found themselves forced to deal with the aftermath. She did want him involved... did want him to be there. But the thought of him flitting in and out once a sevenday just when everything was fine, when she needed nothing, seemed hurtful. But... then again, he could honestly not give more, could he? It was the limit of what he had to offer.

"It's not fair... to either of us," she admitted softly, her shoulders slumping as she beat herself soundly for her own selfishness. He seemed so distressed to be denied access to his unborn child, but either one of them got upset or the other did. Couldn't there be any happy medium? Not with the weyrwoman in the picture, and she could scarcely ask of him to further destroy that relationship. She had done enough damage to his life. Any other man would probably want to never hear from her again and even refuse to claim paternity. But S'rei, obviously, was the exception to all rules. What could she do, though?

"I do want you involved, S'rei. I really do. But... I'm selfish and don't want to be teased with what I can't have." Her smile was wistful at best, and she missed N'ri and B'rom with a fierceness she could scarcely tamp down. It hurt... hurt badly enough that one tear did escape her careful control. She was silent for a moment, gently stroking his hand with her thumb to comfort them both. What were they going to do? As awkward as this was, she did not want to be on bad terms with him, not when they had a child together. Sure, he could not be what she wanted, but... "I'm not being forced, S'rei. I chose to keep this child. I do want it," she admitted, smiling wearily down at him.

She needed to explain herself a little better... but that would only result in more distress. She needed a peace offering that would soothe them both, that would at least negate the current distress. She did not want to leave the air between them as bad or bitter, even for just a short amount of time, not when he had shown such kindness and lack of anger toward her. Unfortunately, everything she gave him took from her own assurance. But... he had given her Faolan, at least. He meant well. He was just... bound by that woman.

Mind made up, she tugged lightly on his hand to get his attention, smiling a bit down at him. "Look... why don't we wait to make decisions about that? I want you around. I don't want this child to never know you. I just... I'm being selfish because I don't want to hurt. I don't want to get teased by the fact that she and Shei will always have someone to depend on when I... don't. I have Faolan, and he's been wonderful to me. But I wouldn't blame him for wanting to leave when he hears that I'm pregnant." She allowed herself a wry sort of smile and chuckle, acknowledging that she was a complete mess. "I'm not exactly easy to deal with." No, not at all. She could put Tanith to shame at times.

[reqqy]

The most ironic part of the whole thing was that S'rei wouldn't have hesitated to do his best by her if he hadn't been attached. Even flight-induced, a pregnancy wasn't something meant to be gone through alone, and he did feel at least partially responsible for it. S'rei didn't dislike Aliscia, from what little he knew of her. They'd even managed to be almost comfortable with each other after the Flight despite the awkwardness. It really wouldn't have surprised him if - were he not with Shmee - something else developed there. But, as it was now, that was an impossibility. He couldn't. If it came down to choosing between Shei and an unknown child he'd never intended to father, yes, he would have to pick Shei, if only because she was in the here and now and because she had been the product of love. No matter how shaky things were now, it was not some random coupling that had produced her. Whenever he looked at her, he could remember what he'd had with the stranger who was his weyrmate, and that brought him a measure of bittersweet peace.

Now he was upsetting her more. Aliscia didn't need to be upset by him. In the end, though her news was - inopportune at best, most of his own distress had more to do with the Weyrwoman than Aliscia herself. So what if he felt as if he'd been left alone to drown in a sea of inadequacy? She had her own problems, and they were more distressing than his. Aliscia had no one. Even if S'rei did everything within his power to make it easier on her, the fact remained that, at the end of the day, she would still be alone but for the growing child in her womb and a dragonless slave who was likely as much trouble as he was a help. Yes, even if he was around enough to be a true father to the babe after its birth, he could never be a true partner to Aliscia. No wonder she didn't want him around. He'd only be reminding her of what he couldn't be - what she couldn't have. Because, in the end, S'rei had fallen in love with the wrong woman. Love could die, eventually, but it hadn't yet for him. He still hoped. She still...oh, what he would give just to have her greet him as she used to! Where had that Shmee gone? Or was it never that way? Was that simply a concoction he'd created to sustain him in his desperation while trapped in another time? He didn't know anymore.

He merely shook his head in silence. Selfish? No, that was S'rei. He was being selfish. He already had two children to dote on, one his own daughter, both of his blood. It wasn't right of him to demand a third from her when it obviously distressed her this much. Yes, he was the father, but...well, she didn't want him, and he couldn't blame her. Maybe it would be better this way. At least the Weyrwoman may get over it quicker if he didn't have much of anything to do with Aliscia and his - child. Maybe she wouldn't lash out against the greenrider. Although, he had to admit to himself that if Shmee ever stooped so low as to intentionally harm this second family that had sprung up out of sheer happenstance, he would leave her. Hopefully before wringing her neck. Shei meant the world to him, but there had to be a line. He would not let one of the mothers of his children harm a child of his, directly or indirectly. That was just...too much. His line drawn in the sand quite clearly.

He tried to return her smile, despite his own dark thoughts, and believed he'd managed okay. Yes, she'd chosen to keep the baby, he had to acknowledge. For no other reason than she truly believed she wouldn't have another chance at having a child of her own. It could have been any man, and that actually helped a little in S'rei's acceptance of the situation. A fluke had resulted in giving Aliscia what she wanted, and though she was facing quite a lot, at least she should be happy with the birth itself. And he could remove himself because she hadn't wanted it of him specifically. It was worlds different than having a child with someone out of what was supposedly mutual love and then having your balls handed to you. He'd like to be more involved with his child, but Aliscia at least wasn't jerking him around. That he could accept.

Looking up at her tug on his hand, he didn't know whether to thank her or just - break down. Why was she thinking of him? "No. Please. If it's too hard on you...I'm the one being selfish. I already have a daughter, and a nephew. If it's easier on you to raise your baby on your own - though I want you to know that if you ever need my help, I'll gladly give it - then do so. Please." Enough misery had come of his association with people. He didn't need to add to it any. At mention of Faolan, he regarded her solemnly. "He's not too much trouble, then? I know he'd be helpless on his own...Shardit, you didn't know him as a rider. I can barely look at him." His hand tightened on hers, drawing her toward him subconsciously, as if he needed her warmth. A good thing he didn't realize it himself or he would have been upset at his own weakness.

Shaking his head, he rested his cheek against her arm. "I don't think he'll leave you, Aliscia. I've never seen anything quite like it, the way he was looking at you in the infirmary. Faolan wants to protect you, at the very least. No, I don't think the pregnancy would chase him away. One thing that hasn't seemed to change much about him, his stubbornness." A flash of green caught S'rei's eye, and he cursed out of pure habit. S'rei and flitters did not get on. When he looked, though, there was nothing there. Then another pop, a chitter, and the small firelizard scritched to a landing on his desk, rearranging half the papers, knocking the other half to the floor, and crying out a little in distress. A mangled limb...Cherry.

S're frowned at Aliscia, pulling back from her arm to see her face. "Don't tell me you left without telling him?"

[kysseh]

It was not going to be easy either way. One way would make her lonely, stressed. The other would similarly make her distressed and heartsore. Honestly, there was no easy way to handle this, and Aliscia was tired enough that she was loathe to make any final decisions now. They were both still too much in shock. She was, at least. She still could not believe that there was life growing inside of her. It would probably remain an abstract sort of reality until her clothes began to fit tighter and her body started to change in preparation for giving birth. Granted, some of that was already starting. Her breasts were a bit tender to pressure, and she was already getting hungrier by the day. Of course, keeping said food down was another matter entirely, but it was a work in progress.

She gave him a wry smile and allowed him that intensifying of the casual contact between them, though 'casual' seemed hardly the appropriate word for it. He seemed to need it, and she could scarcely find the desire or the will to deny him it. "It'll be hard any way it turns out, S'rei. I just... don't know how hard that'll be right now. And considering I'm tired and hungry and feeling ill, I can't think clearly enough about it to tell you with any real... objectivity." Her voice was tired, and the words came out more resigned than anything. It bothered her how unenthusiastic she was about it. She wanted it... wanted this child. Wanted some family again. But... well, maybe she was just too tired to think or feel coherently.

His beliefs about Faolan had her wondering in silence for a bit, and she allowed him to rest on her without protest. He had thought Faolan would be a bother? Well... he wasn't. Granted, it was hard for her heart to bear the thought of what had been done to him, but he had been helpful. It had been a chore keeping her morning vomiting a secret. He usually seemed very distressed to have her out of his sight. She wished she could have known him as a rider too. He would not have been so docile or subservient, and the thought of such stubborn, insistent gentleness in a more forward sort of man brought a faint hint of a smile to her face. "He hasn't been any trouble..." Except in trying to escape his anxious watch, as she had today. Otherwise, he had not shown her any aggression. His servile attitude was annoying at times, but she could hardly blame him for that. She tried to be gentle. Really, she did!

"He hasn't seen me pregnant and raging one minute that my boots won't fit, crying the next moment that I'm too fat, and then cooing and cuddling up to the first male willing to pay attention," she said in a rather pitiful attempt at humor to lighten the mood. In reality, it was not all that far from the truth. She was notoriously unpredictable during pregnancy. Her temperament remained the same, but she tended toward random crying or lusty fits. Anger was rarer, though when she had it, it was usually directed at herself for 'allowing' her body to so inconvenience her during pregnancy. No, hormones rarely made a woman rational during pregnancy, but she was willing to endure that. "I wish he'd stay. I... I'm sort of getting fond of him, and he needs to be near someone." It took guts to admit that, but she was quickly abandoning any pretense of dignity, especially after her little crying spell. He had seen her vulnerable already and had not taken advantage. She trusted him.

The sudden appearance of a familiar green flit had her startled, and she turned to watch Cherry--and it was Cherry--clumsily attempt a landing on the desk. Her distress was evident, and Aliscia made a soothing noise at the flitter, wishing she had two functional, unoccupied hands to extend to the flitter in welcome. Instead, she just smiled at the poor creature, feeling a sinking in the pit of her stomach. If Cherry was awake and distressed, then Faolan likely was conscious as well. This did not bode well...

His retreat and his frown made her wilt a little. "I thought he was asleep," she protested a bit weakly. Too late now. If he was awake and upset, she was going to feel horrible. "I mean to just... see the wingleader and then go right back. Didn't think I'd be gone long." Her admission was a bit sheepish and more than a touch worried. Faolan would not do anything ridiculous in an attempt to get to her side again, would he. She squirmed up straighter in the chair, hoping this was not the case. "I knew if I tried to go while he was awake, he'd try to follow or something. I.... I needed to talk to Ka'rys alone, and I was too afraid to tell Faolan about the baby. I don't want him to leave." And she didn't, she realized. She was getting attached to him, shardit. So much for keeping a careful, careful distance from others.

[reqqy]

Shells, what were they doing? This was supposed to be something to be joyful about, considering Aliscia wanted this baby. He wasn't holding up his end. Women always tended to get emotional when pregnant. Sure, Shmee wasn't a good one to monitor when it came to emotions during pregnancy, certainly not someone within the realm of normalcy, but he'd also known Lauranna as a pregnant woman. Laurie, who was, despite the bubbly mischief, really pretty stable, had been terrifying at times as she flew through different emotions. He could only be grateful that none seemed to stay long enough to become a problem. Thinking of Lauranna, though, made him nervous. She was so very small, and she'd very nearly died giving birth to Miguel, who did have a rather slight twisting to his left leg as a result. It was hardly noticeable, and he'd learned to accomodate for it as soon as he could walk, but S'rei didn't want to think of something like that happening with Aliscia. If his child killed her...Aliscia was even smaller than Laurie!

Now you're just inviting trouble, Salenth interjected disdainfully. Reysalth's and her hatchling are just fine. If it gets really bad, Phremath's will help Tanith's. No use thinking of something like that now. S'rei blinked. Yes, Kalierre could help if it got...bad. He hoped it wouldn't. Part of the bronzerider rather hoped that Aliscia was just mistaken. That was possible, wasn't it? Eh, yes, possible, but by the timing and from what she'd already told him, either directly or indirectly, it would have to be an awfully strange series of coincidences conspiring against them for this to be anything other than it seemed. Nor did he question Aliscia, because he was certain that at the very least she believed she was pregnant. At the very least.

"But you want the child," he reminded her, his grip tightening in a brief squeeze. "That's the important part to think of right now, right? You'll get to have your baby like you wanted to. All the rest of this can wait." He paused as she spoke of Faolan, genuine relief washing over him. If the slave just became another point of stress in her life, he'd be cursing himself for...well, as long as it seemed relevant. Faolan had always been a reliable sort, before and after, but he was so broken S'rei couldn't be certain that there would be anything steady in his demeanor now. "Good," the man breathed. "Tell me if there are any problems, but I'm glad you have someone to look after you for the time being."

S'rei was beginning to return to his normal frame of mind - or at least as close as he was likely to get with all the stressors battering at him. He chuckled at Aliscia's comment, recognizing it for the attempt at humor it was. "You can be as bad as some. Besides, I seriously doubt he's unused to being around difficult people." Difficult people? The bronzerider briefly wondered if Aliscia had seen Faolan's back yet. It was roped with raised welts, knotted and twisted. Just seeing that had nearly been enough to make the bronzerider, who had seen a lot, vomit. The boy who had once been a rather trusted compatriot - though not friend, never that - to S'rei must have been beaten to within an inch of his life...more than once. The very thought of it enraged and saddened the man. What were a few emotional upheavals compared to that?

Blinking at her, S'rei regarded her from the corner of his eye. She was growing fond of Faolan? If he didn't know any better, he'd say this might start going an unhealthy direction, especially if Aliscia was feeling lonely. He sincerely hoped it didn't; the dragonless were broken in for a reason, and Faolan would do whatever she asked of him simply because that was - what he was. The bronzerider held his tongue, though, not wanting to insult her, and then he promptly forgot about the whole thing with Cherry's arrival. S'rei shook his head at her explanation. Oh, he could understand it, and it certainly made more sense than most of Shmee's decisions, but wasn't she worried of what might happen if the man grew agitated? Or was it just too hard to believe that he'd become violent, as docile as she knew him to be? The man didn't know. "You should probably tell him before he figures it out on his own. He lives with you. There's no possible way you can hide it for long."

And Faolan was intelligent, if rather submissive. There was no reason for him not to realize the truth after awhile.

A knock on the door. S'rei glanced at Aliscia, pretty sure he knew who it would be as Cherry crawled toward the woman and hopped into her lap, creeling softly. Sure enough, the moment the door swung open, Faolan stepped inside, his hair tousled and bare-chested. He'd obviously just taken the time to pull on trousers, a sleepy distress evident in his blues. The man said nothing. He flicked a glance at S'rei, but when the bronzerider made no move to stop him, the boy crossed the room and -almost- flung himself at Aliscia's feet. If he'd moved any faster, it would seem that he was begging for her forgiveness. The man-child buried his face between her knees, his arms wrapping around her legs in a hold that was neither tight nor loose. "You were gone," he told her, needlessly, and his words sounded choked. "I woke up and you were gone."

The bronzerider ran a hand through his hair, feeling very much like he'd just intruded on something inherently private.

[kysseh]

She was beginning to realize that she was far too tired and emotionally overwrought to sort things out right now. The exhaustion was evident in her face, the slump of her shoulders, her eyes, still reddened as they were from her tears. She did want this child, shardit. The timing and the situation could have been much better, but she still wanted to keep this yet-unborn infant. S'rei seemed to be a good man and at least be interested, and while he could not be around to be of any real help, he could provide occasional moral support. That was not enough, but it was better than being left to deal on her own. Savitri, too, had already promised her help, and the greenrider privately thought that the weyrling was nearly as happy as she herself was. The girl was a magnet for children of any sort, and despite her bluntness and tendency to advocate 'tough love', Aliscia strongly suspected the girl was a pushover when an infant was placed in her arms. It just would not surprise her in the least.

Oh, she knew she had to tell Faolan, and she managed to give S'rei a slightly reproachful look to indicate that she was aware of that fact. She had been delaying... stalling. He would have been told before S'rei, but as the circumstances worked out, he was going to have to know immediately now. She could scarcely blame him if he wanted out, but she was sad at the thought of losing her new roommate. Whether it was out of pity or genuine caring--or a mixture of the two--was debatable, but she did want him to stay. The anxious intensity with which he watched her in the Infirmary, that even S'rei had noticed, made her want to keep him around. It felt nice to be looked after every now and then, even if the person only did so out of obedience. Thinking of Faolan as a slave was... difficult. She could not bring it upon herself to give him orders, still. She requested help, sure, but she never demanded.

At the knock on the door, Aliscia instinctively knew, especially with Cherry hopping into her lap and crying in distress. It had to be Faolan, and she felt horribly guilty for leaving him asleep as she had. Truthfully, she had not meant to be gone long so as to distress him, but... well, things had conspired against her. At S'rei's glance, she managed a weak sort of smile and squirmed her hand away from his to stroke the little flit in her lap in a useless attempt at soothing them both. Her eyes, however, flicked to the door and remained trained on it, just watching as it swung open to reveal a just-awakened young man.

Seeing how distressed he was made her feel even worse, and she had to fight to keep from cringing in shame at her own selfishness. When had she gotten this self-absorbed and bitter about the world in general? Somewhere between B'rom and the lost child and coming here? Critical of that part of her self, she barely noticed as Faolan glanced at S'rei and then was startled as the dragonless man fairly threw himself at her feet and clung to her. No... he wasn't clinging. He was holding on to her, but he was not being restrictive or showy about it. It was difficult to discern by his body language if he was being genuinely obedient or actually was distressed by her absence.

His words made her throat constrict, and she swallowed nervously, giving S'rei a helpless look and then turning her eyes toward the man hugging her legs. Her hand left off comforting the little green, and she gently began to stroke Faolan's mussed hair, wishing that she could reassure him that all was well. "I'm sorry. I had to... talk to my wingleader, and I didn't want to wake you. I didn't expect to take so long," she admitted guiltily, and she moved her hand down to his back--or what she could reach of it--to stroke it in comfort. She realized yet again that he was shirtless...

... and then got a feel for a raised welt that made her blood run cold.

Not sure to trust her voice, her hand traced very gently over what she could reach, well aware of the fact that he would probably be distressed and wish for her to stop. She could not, though, not unless made to, and she felt seriously ill at the feel of what had been done to him. Her nearly-gold eyes flicked to S'rei, distress and a query evident in them, as if she could scarcely believe what she was feeling. She had seen it and heard of it distantly or in the abstract, but to witness it so close, even if only by touch.... her heart wanted to break. Her hand slipped beneath one of Faolan's arms, and she tugged lightly, wanting to draw him up closer to herself so she could properly embrace him. "Oh, Faolan..." Her voice broke. "I'm so sorry..." How easily it could have been her in his shoes, and she shivered.