Never Too Late to Apologize (Ka'rys)

[glamourie]

Ka'rys smiled weakly; it was one of his real smiles, which meant he likely looked ridiculous. Ka'rys possessed three times - the malicious, condescending one, the fake one, and the real. The biggest difference between the three was that the fake one was the 'prettiest', the malicious one was creepy to look at for most people, and the real one was a slight quirk of the lips that he did not even seem to consciously realize he was doing, and it lacked in the level of security the other two possessed. Ka'rys did not smile very often, and it only lasted a few seconds before he bowed his head and opened his mouth as if to reply - only to be cut off by the sound of wings and air wooshing. He turned to look behind him again, curious.

Off the weyrledge Ciceroth leaped, gliding around the canyon, then up and out, in the direction of the weyrling barracks. Above he circled, several times, before coming to land neatly outside. His wings stretched as he landed, an impressive size display, and then he snapped them to his sides again before crooning for Hepaticath to come out.

"I think Ciceroth went to find Hepaticath," Ka'rys said quietly, turning to look back at Savitri. He muttered 'yellow bellied coward' under his breath before shaking his head. "If it's any consolation, I'd rather you not start crying in front of me again. I don't respond well to tears, as you doubtlessly realized." His tone took a light lilt, meant to be playful, and he added softly, "And they're cheating in a fight anyway - no one will fight with someone crying, there's no way to do it without feeling like scum." That wasn't true. In the north it was completely common for someone crying to be knocked on their rump and for people to keep on wailing, but it was obvious Ka'rys had never managed to achieve that level of detachment. Mutasim was right - he was too much a southerner; whether it was from spending so much time there, or just because he was too soft, even in the north. He didn't like thinking about that, though, so he turned it off inside. His being 'soft' hadn't gotten him killed. He was still alive and that meant he'd won. No one could take that away from him, not even the little snot who had said it. Ka'rys resisted the urge to scowl at the thought.

As she launched into explanations of his behavior, Ka'rys fidgeted visibly. Talking about himself made his skin crawl. He wondered if she realized that. He wasn't secretive just because he had to be, though for turns that was the reason. A lot of it was just that he hated talking about himself at all. She could have jabbered on and on about herself and he wouldn't have gotten bored so long as she didn't ask any of the questions she'd launched into and he wanted to curl up and hide. He didn't, though. He just looked down at the floor. If she expected eye contact when he was dealing with something uncomfortable she could just keep on expecting because she was not going to get it in any way.

"Not ... exactly. If I bother to be mean to someone - if I bother to be hurtful - it means I care, either about them or what they think. If I bother with the energy. If I'm showing anger, it means someone's .. gotten to me." How he hated that line of conversation, it felt so invasive. He wrapped his arms, now free, around himself, as if it would make the chills go away. His mind flashed on his weyr at Fort, and executions. Spies weren't allowed to live. His mind was rejecting his words, and he reached out for Ciceroth mentally; he wasn't in danger anymore, but if Shmee ever found out he would be. If anyone did. Some secrets never revealed. "I don't bother with lecturing people who don't get to me, it's not worth my time. I don't waste time if I can help it. So yes. If I show a negative emotion to someone, it probably means they've gotten to me, so I care either what they think, or about them as a person. If I bother to argue, it definitely means I care." He didn't think that was odd. Who would waste energy on someone they didn't care about? What did that gain aside from one big waste of time? "Ranting is... odd. I don't do that very often - this is - Just assume if I'm coming off angry, I'm probably not, unless I'm ranting or raving. Cold means annoyed usually?" He shook his head. "This is - I don't like talking about myself at all." He glared at her, as if it was her fault for the awkward feelings. "Happy is - I don't know, happy is happy, I don't bother to think about it - I've never tried to observe myself like that, I'm not a freak." At least, he didn't think so.

Back outside the Weyrling Barracks, Ciceroth flopped onto his stomach and sprawled out as best he could, stretching his tail to its full length before letting his eyes fall closed. You have no reason to apologize, but I will tell him when he is not distracted. He is hard to understand. Like I said before, little queen; Rysmine is broken. It is hard to explain until you see it but he is broken and that makes him different from everyone else. He crooned, then flicked his tail. I would not change him for all of Pern. Will you come out and sit with me?

[kysseh]

The smile that he gave her was... almost tentative, and it made her offer him a slight one in return. He seemed almost... afraid to do so, and it only lasted a brief few seconds. Savitri thought it was almost childlike in its insecurity, but she chose not to comment, especially since they were finally... not arguing, it seemed. Well, they were still arguing, but it was far more comfortable arguing than what they had been doing. He looked like he wanted to say something, but, suddenly, Ciceroth was up and gone, and she was startled by his abrupt departure... and Ka'rys' explanation for it.

"I hope he's prepared to put up with her, then," she remarked dryly. Hepaticath was nothing short of energetic, and she fairly wore Savitri out with her antics sometimes. Poor Ciceroth. He had not a clue what he was getting himself into. "She's in the barracks, if he needs to know." The suddenly playful tone to his voice had her curious, and she scowled a bit at him. She had not intended to start crying! It was fairly obvious that he was teasing, but she was still a bit grumpy about it. She hated to cry. "I didn't do it on purpose. It's embarrassing and a waste of time. It's not cheating if I didn't intend to do it!" That was her pride speaking. He had his pride, and she had hers. She was just more... peculiar about hers, apparently.

His fidgeting at her attempts to make sense made her wonder what was bothering him. She shifted to sit with her legs curled to one side and rested both forearms on his knees, plopping her chin down on her top arm in a vague effort to keep him from moving. And it was more comfortable, but she was more concerned with trying to figure out how to read him than trying to figure out how he was reacting to her proximity. He had never shown interest in that sense, so she had no problems with physical contact. He was... safe, for the most part. His anger was a little unnerving, though, as was the fact that he would not meet her gaze. Why was he so uncomfortable about this? She was just trying to make sense of it all!

His explanation had her waiting patiently until the end, and then she sighed and just tried to ignore the glare he gave her. Honestly, was it her fault that he was peculiar?! Her mild annoyance, which was warring with amusement and frustration, was evident on her face. This was going to be a royal headache, learning to judge his moods. "I'm sorry that this is uncomfortable for you. I'm just trying to figure out how to read your moods so that I don't have to specifically ask you if you're mad at me every time I can't properly understand your attitude. Can you give me... something to work with so that I don't have to assume?" she asked, her tone edging toward pleading. Edging toward... but not quite there. She was not so desperate as to whine and plead like a child, but she did want some sort of answer to this. "Please?" That had worked last time, hadn't it? Well... sort of, anyway.

Thank you. Hepaticath replied to her playmate, in better spirits now that Savitri's unease was ebbing away. Yes... Hers was fine, and she was fine, and Ciceroth and His were... fine? Ciceroth at least seemed to be in better spirits now. Why would anyone change Theirs? It would make them too different, and then they would not be Theirs. I would not change Mine, even if she is very odd about things. The little gold sounded highly amused at that. Yes, Hers was quite strange about the whole clothing thing... and about her food. Why did humans eat plants, after all? And so many times a day too!

At Ciceroth's request, Hepaticath needed no second bidding and was immediately getting up onto her feet and clumsily making her way down the hall. She got a few rather odd looks, and she had to gently nose one of the more clueless humanweyrlings out of the way--silly boy, why was he staring?!--but she got outside quickly enough, expecting to find her playmate at the river. Instead, he was just outside, sprawled out on the ground, and she crooned gently in greeting. Of course I will keep you company. she said very calmly, though the whirl of her eyes betrayed her happiness at his presence. This was far better than just resting! She made her way over and playfully nosed at the tip of his tail. Yours does not mind sharing you right now?

[glamourie]

Did she really think that Ciceroth minded .. virtually anything Hepaticath did? The little gold amused him, and Ciceroth was friendly. He put up with most anyone. Honestly, Ciceroth was nice even to Aslath, and the senior queen had given him more than enough motive to dislike her. She'd been so inconsiderate -- the very thought made Ka'rys still want to throttle the life out of Shmee. It was honestly a good thing she'd gone to the Hold as eventually he was bound to explode and try to kill her, or maybe just beat her until she saw common sense. Something bad would have happened. He'd been beyond furious, to feel Ciceroth so very offended. It didn't happen very often, since Ciceroth liked everybody for the most part. He was so patient, so understanding -- so different from his rider. Ka'rys was the fangs, claws and venom of the pair, and he hated to see his nicer half hurt that way. No, Hepaticath wouldn't upset Ciceroth. If the bronze could forgive Aslath, nothing Cath could do would bother him. As for her being in the barracks, Ka'rys had suspected as much; so had Ciceroth, so he did not relay the message. No need.

Savitri's outburst made Ka'rys look down, unsure. He wanted to point out he'd been joking, but evidently it was taken badly. He decided to try to avoid anything humor-related as he was pretty sure she couldn't see the funny side of his statements. Maybe his jokes really were bad. Ciss kept telling him they were...

"It's hard," Ka'rys replied, not bothering to disguise the slight distress he felt. "You don't seem to realize how hard this alone is for me - asking me to change almost thirty-turns of habits is not exactly a small request." He didn't bother trying to disguise his age. If S'rei suspected, eventually the entire weyr would eventually, and it wasn't as though he'd ever prepared a fail-safe story for it. No, he hadn't expected anyone to bother looking into his past or his story. But Ciceroth had completely botched that by chasing Aslath. No more hiding in the shadows, at least not until she Flew again, and he fully intended to hide when she did. No way was he getting stuck dealing with Shmee any more. She was impossible. "If I'm mad at you, I'll probably yell or grumble. Or completely, utterly avoid you. Odds are Ciceroth would tell Hepaticath anyway, he's got a great big mouth when it comes to stuff like that." Slightly feeling indignant; hmph, too bad for him. He wanted to change the topic - so he settled for latching onto that one. "And she seems to have a peculiar talent for wrangling information out of him anyway. She get that way with every dragon?"

There. That was a good excuse - as good as any. Most riders preferred gushing on and on about their dragons and he was betting that despite herself, Savitri was no exception. He was hoping, anyway. With any luck she'd latch onto talking about the little gold weyrling and he could retreat back inside of himself in peace. Changing the topic was his best defensive strategy, and although it was probably not fair, he didn't think Savitri had a right to begrudge him the avoidance. She'd gotten more answers out of him than any other living person - all at once. Expecting anything more was miracles, and he wasn't ready to open up that much. He already dreaded telling her anything at all. What if she started figuring him out and used it against him? What if she managed to find too much out and hurt him? That, in truth, was the biggest part of his fear -- it was easier to push everyone away than give one person a chance and risk being hurt. He was used to everyone running away from him. Savitri didn't run away. He was not sure he liked it, and he couldn't help but wonder what her motives for wanting to be around him were. It wasn't like she gained anything. She'd have been better off trying to befriend S'rei if she was hoping for political maneuvering...

Ciceroth's tail curled upward and made lazy circles in the air before he turned it back to nudge Hepaticath on the nose. His eyes swirled amiable blue-greens and he crooned back. He didn't think anyone would want to change their riders, but who knew? Either way he was happy with Ka'rys most of the time. Sometimes he upset him but that was okay because sometimes, Ciceroth upset Ka'rys, too. He does not need me there in his sight for me to be with him, he answered honestly enough, and if I had stayed he would be more inclined to try to hide. He does not need to be hiding right now. He doesn't like talking about himself at all. He is frightened. We come from a place where secrets are important; secrets keep people alive. Or we came from. I don't remember much, only that it was not safe. Here is safe; I prefer it because Rysmine is not in danger as often. Perfectly reasonable, right? Rysmine thinks he is, though - so he keeps everything secret. It takes force to make him listen.

[kysseh]

It did not escape Savitri's notice that Ka'rys seemed... upset... by the topic of conversation. Apparently, his own feelings were not good conversation fuel, and she wondered why it was so distressing to him. His words, though, made it clear that he was quite used to being vague and mysterious, and annoying as that was, she had to admit that she would be little different were someone to prod her about some of her more personal feelings. Granted, she might just out and tell them if she trusted them enough, but she had learned to be more cautious with her trust. People took a little too easily to taking someone else's feelings and tromping all over them without an ounce of consideration.

Thirty Turns of habit?! One eyebrow began to raise, and she could not help but look him over from head to toe... or, what of him she could look over with her arms and head resting on his knees as they were. He couldn't be that old, could he?! He looked... perhaps only a handful of Turns her senior. No man would willingly claim to be older than he was--boy, yes; man no--so he had to be telling the truth. She couldn't help the small smile that quirked up the corner of her lips, her eyes displaying her slight amusement. "You don't look thirty," she admitted at last, and feeling the muscle in his arms as she had when bandaging him, she would never have pegged him as that old. No, he was a fine specimen of male for how old he supposedly was.

However, her thoughts were going down a path she did not like, so she switched gears to follow him, sighing quietly. He did not want to discuss this, apparently, and Hepaticath was to be their new point of discussion, Ciceroth too if she had her way. To avoid angering him further and causing another outburst, she let the topic slide with one last comment. "All right. I won't ask anymore. But you'd better not get mad at me if I assume incorrectly on occasion." Or frequently, but they would settle for 'on occasion'. She was starting to get the feeling that he was the backwards representation of all that was... normal.

"No, she doesn't... 'wrangle'... information." She tilted her head slightly to one side, refusing to budge from where she was slouching against his legs. It was actually rather comfortable, and she wasn't about to give up her spot, thank you. "She just... asks until she understands, like I do... except the dragons tend to be more forthright with her since she's... a queen." That thought still had her a bit overwhelmed, and she raised both eyebrows and huffed a sigh. Sometimes, she still had difficulty grasping the fact that she was a queenrider. Accepting Hepaticath was little problem. Accepting the sudden importance and rise in status that went came with her? Different story. "Is Ciceroth honest with everyone else like he is with her? Not that I can complain, since it works in my favor, but I'm just curious."

Calmly whirling green eyes followed the tail as it moved, and the little gold snorted in surprise when it came back around to nudge her on the tip of her snout. She recoiled a half-step and then unashamedly moved forward to settle herself down beside the bronze, completely undeterred. I think Mine wants him to not keep secrets about himself, but she is not going to make him angry again. He makes her upset and frightened when he is angry like that. They both make each other upset. Hepaticath mused in response, crossing her short forelegs and draping her neck across them. I wish they did not feel like keeping secrets from each other. They could be friends if they didn't. Mine wants to be friends with him. At least, Hepaticath was fairly sure that Savitri did. The young woman had never offered any protest to the idea, and that first meeting at the river had left the young woman at least content and intrigued for the rest of the day, instead of the annoyance that usually came after meeting new dragon and riderpairs. Yes, she thought Savitri did want to be friends with the SecretKeeper. She silently dubbed Ciceroth's as that, like the little boy that Savitri was friends with was DangerousOne. It was easier to remember that than names.

[glamourie]

Ka'rys glanced up at Savitri, then bit the inside of his lip before shaking his head. Why did she sound so surprised? What had she thought, that he was just a child? He supposed he shouldn't have taken it personally; at the time he Impressed, a boy of sixteen, he'd had to fight to convince the other candidates he wasn't ten or twelve. He'd been most disgruntled. He always looked younger than he was; he supposed he should count his blessings, but age hadn't ever embarrassed him. It was half his fault. He did lie about his age at Selenitas -- he did. Though, really, had Savitri ever even heard? Ka'rys frowned thoughtfully. Odds were she hadn't unless she'd gone around asking about him. He doubted he merited that level of interest, so he assumed it was completely in relation to his looks. Should he have been flattered? He wasn't sure; he settled for responding with neutrality. "I'll be thirty near the end of the Turn," he admitted softly. "I'm not yet, but..." He shook his head slowly. "Close enough, I suppose. Thank you." He wasn't sure what else to say, but he couldn't just ignore what.. may have been a compliment. She'd probably take insult.

Nodding slowly, Ka'rys moved his left arm to rest it against his chest. Then he frowned. "You could ask if you're not sure." He wasn't sure he'd be able to answer, but if she asked, at least he couldn't say she was assuming the worst. He'd have to make an effort to answer though. How he dreaded that. "Not saying I'll answer but I will try." There. At least she knew in advance he might not be able to. She couldn't complain she was going in unaware.

Why was she leaning against him like that anyway? Ka'rys watched Savitri silently, listening as she spoke, but it was hard to focus. Honestly, he was not used to physical contact. He'd been involved with Leradi for a long time but she was not a touchy-feely sort; she sort of.. pushed him down and said 'Now' when she wanted something, and otherwise expected him to mind his own business; fine with him. Having someone touching him outside of what was standard (hand shaking) was ... odd. Not unpleasant, just strange. How often had people actually bothered? Most people ran from him. He actually found it amusing, since he managed to scare off people without trying to. He could be perfectly nice and people still somehow found him frightening. Ka'rys was just of the conclusion the general public was insane. Or maybe it was Savitri who was insane. Her words reached him distantly, but his eyes, against his better judgment, were roaming; down the line of her jaw, over her shoulders -- she wasn't unattractive, why was she wasting her time with someone like him at all?

Wait, she asked a question. Ka'rys blinked, then abruptly looked up and hoped he'd simply looked as if he was lost in thought and not.. looking at her oddly. He half-expected a slap, but quietly replied anyway, "It depends on the dragon, the question and how it is posed. He told Salenth some things I would rather he have not told anyone." He shook his head slowly. "He's very fond of Hepaticath, more than he is most dragons, though. While Ciceroth is nice, he... well, it doesn't seem as though most dragons approach him. He spends most of his time on those rocks all by himself." It didn't bother Ka'rys but it did puzzle him. The dragon was far more social than he was, and yet he spent as much if not more time on his own. Ka'rys just added it up to his own ability to repel people. He assumed dragons didn't approach Ciceroth because they didn't want to subject their riders to his presence. Since Ciss wasn't bitter, he didn't feel guilty.

No, Ciceroth was anything but bitter. He swiveled his head around to rest it right on top of Hepaticath, gently so as to avoid hurting her. He considered for a moment, his tail curling in the air in what was undeniably a thoughtful motion. When he answered again, it was pensive. Rysmine does not have any friends. Yes, that was... accurate. I have never seen him angry like that before. He does not like that feeling at all. He was scared. He is scared still. She shouldn't be. He did not want to hurt her, not physically. She... hurt his feelings. He does not like that; he does not like someone being able to hurt him at all. He thinks if he pushes her away enough she will give up. Most people do.

[kysseh]

Ka'rys' reaction had Savitri emitting a soft chuckle, shaking her own head at his response. Weren't most people flattered when they were assumed to be younger than they were? She would have guessed him at... twenty-four, perhaps twenty-five Turns. But... apparently, he was twenty-nine, pushing thirty. He was really a decade her senior? She tilted her head the other way and regarded him with some curiosity. "You're welcome? You look closer to twenty-five or so. You're very fit and youthful for your age. You must take care of yourself fairly well... minus getting into fights, of course," she noted, her tone absent of real flattery but full of amusement. He did look young. He should appreciate that. "My mother is less than a decade your senior and looks twice your age. You're lucky." Then again, her mother had birthed seven--soon to be eight--children. That made a difference.

He was keeping his wounded arm close, and she wondered if it pained him. Well... it was likely at least uncomfortable, considering he would not let her put numbweed on it. Men and their little peculiarities. His reassurance that she could ask was met with one raised eyebrow, and then he qualified it by stating that he might not answer. That made more sense to her, with the reaction he had just given to her questions, and she supposed it was the best she would ever get from him. It was more than she had been getting, certainly, and she appreciated that he at least made an effort. It was a tiny step, but it was a step. When it came to dealing with the sulky bronzerider, she would take any little bit of progress as good progress.

Wait, why did she care again?

She was distracted from her train of thought by the realization that he was... perfectly silent. And he was watching her, which she failed to notice until his gaze started to roam. He looked perfectly startled by her query, and she had to fight to keep from laughing at the abruptness by which he was now paying attention to her words. Served him right for wandering like that. She was glad to hear that Ciceroth was fond of Hepaticath, since the gold returned the affection and probably more. The gold was not unmannerly enough to declare a favorite publicly, but she did very much enjoy his company, as far as Savitri knew. "She's fond of him as well. I don't think she'll ever leave him alone unless he asks her to or she feels he's annoyed with her for some reason," she said of Hepaticath.

Then... she could not resist it, and she arched en eyebrow at him. She just had to know. Her female pride and her own curiosity would not let her let the topic pass. "Were you... looking me over?" The smile threatening at the corners of her mouth made it clear the connotation of her words. Then again, she had been looking him over too, but... he had not noticed that, she thought.

The gentle weight of a head on her back set Hepaticath rumbling with quiet satisfaction. It was soothing in a way she could not describe. Savitri was soothing too when she curled up beside the little gold for both to nap together, but this was.... different. Humans were not nearly so large and warm as dragons, most certainly. Ciceroth's words had her crooning rather sadly, though. The SecretKeeper was wanting Hers to leave?! I hope he does not try to push Mine away. She does not try to hurt his feelings, I don't think. He doesn't need to be scared. She would not do it on purpose. Not unless he made her very, very upset or hurt her physically. I was surprised that he upset her at all. She does not do that usually... Yes, it was all very confusing and slightly overwhelming. Ciceroth seemed a little more at ease, though, and that helped Hepaticath's worry to fade. Still, Theirs seemed to be misunderstanding each other quite well. I think she is afraid to tell him that she likes him, though. She is afraid he'll push more.

[glamourie]

Did she realize that the compliments were... definitely brushing his ego? He didn't want to admit it, but he did like being complimented. Most people did, and Ka'rys was only human, no matter how hard he tried not to be at times. He bit his tongue, privately trying to determine whether or not the ego stroke was a deliberate attempt at flattery. Pretty compliments lost their shine when they had ulterior motives, and he found it very hard to trust anyone who complimented him if they stood to gain something from it. He wasn't sure what Savitri would gain, but that didn't mean there wasn't anything. She didn't sound like she was trying to flatter him, at least. He was tempted to point out to her that some people would say he didn't take good care of himself at all. He didn't eat meat - and rarely ate any kind of fish, if he could help it. But most meat made him feel sick if he ate it so he avoided. He wasn't a vegetarian by choice but rather necessity, since vomiting was rarely good for a person. He also didn't get into fights all that often, despite what Savitri might have thought. The most healthy thing he did was keep a regular exercise regime, but he didn't think that was very out of the ordinary. Most riders did, in order to keep their dragons fit, at least was his experience. He shook his head slowly.

"It's not healthy habits," he said with a lofty shrug. "I've always looked younger than my age. I Impressed at sixteen and the senior riders had to convinced the candidate master I was over the age of twelve to even get them to let me on the Sands." He wasn't ashamed in admitting that. "It's lucky now that I'm old enough to not be mistaken for a child, but for a teenager it was devastating." His voice took on an ironic lilt and he shook his head, remembering. Yes, being the smallest of a group of candidates was never good. He'd been as small as some of the younger girls, and at sixteen that was downright embarrassing. Needless to say, he'd been expected to Impress something like a blue or a green; such a small boy with more feminine features than most, Ka'rys hadn't exactly come across as the most masculine entity. Not physically. People rarely knew him well enough to know anything about his personality. Ciceroth was a surprise even to him - but he hadn't complained. How could anyone? True, the bronze had some undesirable traits, but at heart, Ka'rys could not say he'd change anything about him. He'd been surprised by how friendly Ciceroth was, considering his color - at first, anyway. Then he discovered that he was very much a bronze. Yes, Ciceroth was nice to all dragons -- because he did not view anyone as his superior. Other bronzes, then browns, blues and greens, were all viewed as inferiors, and golds as equals. He didn't flaunt his perceived superiority because he felt he had nothing to prove. He was a confident creature.

He was also unlikely to ever tell Hepaticath to leave him alone, or to become annoyed with her. Ka'rys glanced at Savitri and snorted before shaking his head. "He's nice to Aslath. She publicly humiliated him - and he noticed - and he's nice to Aslath, he has no problem with her coming around and talking to him if she feels so inclined, and would never think to tell her she annoyed or upset him in any way. Trust me, Hepaticath never has to worry about Ciceroth asking her to leave." He sighed audibly before shaking his head. "No, I'm the teeth and claws in our pair; I have to go and yell at people in his defense because he won't. He never sees it as worth the fight. His attitude is that if Aslath doesn't realize how amazing he is, no amount of yelling and throwing a tantrum is going to make her see, and it's her loss; he feels that way about everyone. I'm the only one he ever yells at..."

Ka'rys strongly suspected that was because Ciceroth knew him better than he did anyone else. No one knew Ka'rys the way Ciceroth did, inside and out, all around and back again. And the bronzerider wasn't sure he'd ever give anyone a chance to try. Ciceroth scared him enough as it was. Hmm? Savitri's expression sent a sense of alarm through him, and her question that followed earned a full-on scowl from the bronzerider who made no effort to hide it. "Yes, I was." He didn't deny it, but he did tack onto his statement, loftily, "You were complimenting me, I was wondering why someone who is not unattractive would waste their time." He didn't explain what he meant by that. Ka'rys wasn't insecure... in anything, really, but he wasn't conceited. He knew he wasn't the best looking person at Selenitas. He rarely was complimented on his appearance.. or at all, actually. He was used to it and didn't require reassurance on most things. He knew his own worth. The fact was, when a goldrider started complimenting him, it always alarmed him. Plain and simple. But that wasn't... entirely why he was letting his eyes roam. Not that he intended to admit the rest of his reasons. No sir. That would be ... beyond embarrassing. Besides, it was a fleeting interest. Savitri wasn't even an option. She'd never be - at least, as far as he could see. She made him feel... well, she complicated things. He liked to avoid complications if he could.

I did not think she would, Ciceroth replied, tone ever-so-reasonable. He will come around; he is confused and people not running away from him is very new to him. Rysmine thinks he chases people away very well. She is not running and it confuses him. There was a touch of humor in his tone. Ciceroth didn't know what to think, exactly. On one hand Ka'rys was very confused, and slightly upset. On the other, Savitri had managed in all of two meetings what no one had in Turns. There was something to be said of that, but Ciceroth strongly suspected a big part of Ka'rys's sudden willingness to explode stemmed from the amount of stress he was enduring. He'd been on edge for awhile, and Savitri just happened to be there. It didn't change that she'd gotten a glimpse of Ka'rys behind the mask, but Ciceroth strongly suspected she wouldn't have, if RysHis hadn't been constantly upset ever since Tanith's flight - he'd wanted to hurt Aslath's rather badly, hadn't, and... hadn't been back to normal since. He ... Rysmine is used to people not paying attention to him. It confuses him when they do. He'd rather think people dislike him. He finds it easier.

[kysseh]

It should not have surprised Savitri that he let the compliment slide, but she raised an eyebrow anyway, watching his expression for any indication of what was going through his mind. She truly had not meant to be flattering; she had only been trying to be honest. She had expected him to take it as more of a compliment, though, being as he was male and a bronzerider. Still, his silence had her wondering if perhaps he was not as flattered by it. He was such a strange man, which was probably why she was curious. Most bronzeriders would at least acknowledge it when something flattered them. Or they would encourage such feeding of their usually already over-inflated senses of self-worth. But... not Ka'rys, apparently.

"I think it's very lucky for you that you no longer look twelve. I'd feel an even stronger inclination to mother you," Savitri said mildly, though it was apparent by the quirk of her lips that she was poking fun at him. "I'm sure you had quite the time convincing the other riders that you were not a child." How could that have been when Ciceroth Flew greens or queens? She was highly amused at that image but chose to not speak that aloud. Her eyes said it for her.

His description of Ciceroth had her raising an eyebrow in surprise. And here she had thought that Ciceroth was simply polite by nature. No... he was polite because he thought he was better. Like rider, like dragon, apparently, and that thought gave her pause. Still, Ciceroth was so adored in Hepaticath's eyes that she could scarcely begrudge him his ego. She did hope he was too polite to ever tell Cath that she was not worth the fuss to fight with. The little queen, for all her outward lack of vanity, was still a queen, and she probably would not take well to being called 'unworthy' in context. Even so, the gold would probably find it beneath her to resort to such petty fighting. Dignity was more important than some little insults, in her mind. The thought of the two egoists made Savitri roll her eyes. "And here I thought he was a blue or brown in a bronze's body. You should probably feel honored that he only yells at you, then. You're the only one worth the fight."

At his scowl, she could not help but laugh, and she had to turn her head away for fear that looking at him would only incite further amusement. It was also to hide the blush that the healer could not quite keep from creeping up her neck. Savitri was not vain and was under no illusions of her own appearance, and for a man as intriguing as Ka'rys--who was now calling her 'not unattractive', however vague that was--to be looking her over was.... both appealing and annoying. Men looked at her... if only because she had wider hips and was endowed well enough up top. Her face was nothing special, and Savitri always thought herself on the unattractive side of average. But... apparently, he thought differently. "It wasn't meant to be a compliment. I was telling the truth. But... how am I wasting my time?" she asked when she finally got her laughter under control, turning an amused expression back up toward his face. "And you shouldn't make faces like that. It'll age you."

Yours is very strange. But... Mine will tell him when she dislikes what he does. She has no problem with telling people things. Hepaticath pointed out mildly, lightly twitching her golden tail back and forth. She enjoyed Ciceroth's touch very much, but the little queen was rapidly getting antsy. Surely, her bronze pillow would not mind if she got up and started playing with him soon, would he? She hoped not, though she stayed motionless for the moment to be polite, since this was what he wanted. She was willing to tolerate some lazing so long as she got her way of things in the proper amount of time. She realized that Ciceroth had edited what he originally meant to say, but she gave him the benefit of not pressing further. She could bother him some other time if Theirs were fighting stupidly again. She will make everything very clear so as not to confuse him. Humans can be very silly about things sometimes, though. Humans were not the only ones who could be silly, but Hepaticath would not be so rude as to name those of her own kind whom she personally thought were not among the brightest of the bunch. Her tone made it evident, though, that Ciceroth was not included amongst those silly few. No, he was a fine dragon, so far as she knew, and she nuzzled at him briefly to make sure he understood that.

[glamourie]

Ka'rys scoffed, and resisted the urge to point out that he didn't necessarily like being mothered. He doubted it would do any good and Savitri was bound to be intelligent enough to pick up on that fact without his help. No one liked being nagged at, even small children. Adults sometimes found it flattering, but only in small doses, and Ka'rys wasn't one of those people. He hadn't enjoyed trying to explain he wasn't a child, and a big part of the problem of being a bronzerider in the north was that everyone expected them to be big and tough. Classic example of what bronzeriders were built like typically there: S'rei. Who towered over Ka'rys even in adulthood. As a teenager he'd been nothing short of tiny, feminine and almost 'dainty' by appearances. Ciceroth's unholy joy from flying greens with male riders (he insisted he was simply chasing the more attractive greens) definitely did not help. He'd been extremely inexperienced and awkward the first time he was actually with a woman, though he'd privately thanked the fates that he'd actually enjoyed that. Men did nothing for him. Ka'rys scowled at Savitri's expression, but chose not to dignify her remarks with a comment. No, no. He was not going to go into details about how embarrassing those turns had been. He was glad he didn't look like a child anymore.

Although, arms pulled close to his chest, slightly grumpy expression all added up to youthful features, Ka'rys did look like a pouting child. Not that he realized it; if he did he probably would have tried to blank his features and hide it. "He only argues with me because I'm the only one he's guaranteed a victory with. He always knows that even if I don't listen immediately, I'll consider what he says. He doesn't argue unless he thinks he stands to gain something from it," he countered, scoffing. "He'd probably argue with others if he thought it would get him anywhere. He's not fond of wasting energy. Neither am I."

Wasting energy was foolish. The effort most people (and some dragons, Ka'rys thought snidely, mind flashing on Aslath) put toward arguing could have been better spent for something constructive, like the excavation of the abandoned weyrs, or practices, craft work, and things of that nature. No, people would much rather get angry and emotional than push their energy to something constructive. Ka'rys took pride in that fact about himself. He got angry and became exceptionally productive. The fastest way to make Ka'rys get things done was to make him furious. He also did things better when angry. Ciceroth was known to deliberately provoke him when he was being oiled just to guarantee a most efficient rubdown. It stopped working right around the time Ka'rys realized what the bronze was up to, though. He wasn't unintelligent, no matter what some people may have thought, and he did pick up on it when he was being manipulated.. most of the time.

Like right then. Ka'rys crinkled his nose slightly and gazed fixedly down at Savitri, his expression nothing short of scolding. She wasn't a fool, he'd thought, so surely she knew that telling him he looked young when he was at least ten turns her senior was considered flattery by.. just about anyone's standards. She may not have intended it as a compliment but she must have known that it was, and she'd dwelled on the statement which led him to believe she intended it as nothing short. Part of him was confused, but the bigger part was amused... and he kept the slight scowl on his face solely to be contrary. Age him indeed. Like he'd really mind that. He wasn't superficial enough to care what he looked like.

"I can see my reflection just as well as anyone else," he explained with a scoff. "You gain absolutely nothing from flattering me, and I don't understand why you'd bother." It was the best explanation he could offer. He didn't find himself good looking, and he didn't think about the physical much. Ka'rys was not a physical entity. Yes, he noticed women physically, but only fleetingly and never gave them more than a passing thought. Any female who held his attention did so for more than just what they looked like. The most beautiful women on Pern were some of the most atrocious entities around. It took more than good looks to earn Ka'rys's attention, and affection. So complimenting his appearance in any way worked similarly -- while he appreciated it, it wouldn't get anyone anywhere. And what, exactly, did Savitri gain? When she was no longer a Weyrlingrider she would rank him; he'd be just another bronzerider, or at best a wingleader. He doubted even that, though. Some part of him didn't understand, too, why a female that could be labeled 'attractive' would bother with someone who so blatantly was not. Hmm.

Ciceroth's eyes whirled playfully and he nudged Hepaticath with his nose before crooning. I noticed that about her, as did he. Definitely amused. Ciceroth rumbled again before standing up and stretching his wings as far as he could, as if he'd just woken up from a very nice nap. His eyes whirled and he turned to look at Hepaticath almost thoughtfully. But I think that the problem he is having is that she is very different from most people. Rysmine does not understand why she would spend any time with him. He likes to say he repels people - and she is not repelled. Yet, at least. Ciceroth liked Savitri... but he knew Ka'rys and he had no doubt in his mind that his bonded would do something foolish to try and chase her off if Savitri got too close to him emotionally. Anything that was complex confused and scared his bonded more than he liked to admit. Ciceroth had long-since accepted that about him, though he would never understand. His Rys was just odd.

[kysseh]

This was apparently one of those slightly touchy topics, and the scoffing and posturing on Ka'rys' part had Savitri wondering just how touchy it was. He could scarcely complain about size, after all. She was shorter than him by a good hand-breadth or so. If either of the two of them could make complaints, it should have been her. Still, it was amusing to see the bronzerider lacking in his usual composure in a more positive way than the overly emotional ranting he had done before. It made him seem human, which Savitri had had her doubts about prior to his little fit of sulking. Obviously, it was not only size of certain body parts that had men feeling touchy. General height and frame and features were touchy too. And men called women out as vain and shallow creatures! Honestly...

But the grumpiness on his face, the general addition of his young features mixed with his posture, made him seem like such a sulky child that Savitri could not help herself. The great bronzerider... weyrleader, even!... reduced to looking like a child brooding over being teased. And it was entertaining to the point that the healer dissolved into quiet, helpless laughter, leaning her head forward to rest it atop her arms. Her laughter was so quiet that it could almost have been considered giggles were it not so low in tone. Shards, but did he know how silly he looked?! His words passed over her largely unheard, though the general air of brattiness that he was exuding reminded her strongly of some of the children she had helped to raise.

She vaguely heard something about wasting energy and turned her face up to him, resting her chin on her arms again to stare up at him with merriment evident in her eyes and face. For once, she was smiling genuinely and freely, the corners of her mouth turning upwards, eyes crinkling very lightly at the corners. His almost scolding stare fell on an uncaring mind. What had she to be sorry for? She was only being honest about everything, including her amusement at his almost childish behavior and appearance. She let slip a few quiet laughs before getting herself back under control, green eyes bright and one eyebrow arched. Silly, silly man...

"I wasn't flattering you. Not intentionally, anyway. It only occurred to me after I said it that you'd find it to be such a boost to your overinflated, bronzeriding ego, which needs no feeding whatsoever," she laughed quietly, and the words might have stung if she had meant them to be cruel. Instead, she was just being blatantly, simply honest about the facts... as well as teasing him lightly. His talk of 'gaining' something had her wondering, though, and she tilted her head to one side, not willing to lift it, to stare at him with open curiosity. "I can't think of anything I would gain from flattering you, besides you not kicking me out of your presence at the moment. Why? Am I missing something?" Her query on that was genuine. Was she supposed to be getting something out of this? The whole flattering, fawning, grovelling game was one she just did not play.

However, she did pay compliments when they were do... and for a certain reason and in a certain way. However, he did not know that, but just to ensure they were clear on that matter, she felt she had better explain. That way, there would be no misunderstandings in the future... right? "For the record, Ka'rys... if I'm flattering you for any reason, it will be perfectly obvious with no doubts as to my intentions. And I won't be doing it for you to allow me to pull stitches out of your arm," she said frankly, arching an eyebrow and giving him a very obvious sort of look. No, that would hardly be a reason for that sort of expenditure of energy, and it took energy to cozy up to someone like that. Not to mention it was just... irritating, on many levels.

The little gold issued a low croon as her playmate nudged her, turning to snort lightly at him as he began to get to his feet. Well, of course now he decided to get up. She worked her way to her feet as well, albeit much less gracefully, not missing the look he sent her way. OF course she is not. She would not be Mine if she was the same as the rest. Hepaticath said with an obvious note of pride in her voice, her rarely-shown ego making a brief display. Of course a queen would not choose an ordinary girl of ordinary temperament, or at least Hepaticath would not. No, she had wanted--needed--someone very special, and Savitri was just what was needed. She is very curious about him, since he is not like the others either. And she thinks that he has an attractive... look? He looks like he would be a good strong mate, except he is very confusing to her too. She is not confused like this often. Personally, the little gold found the whole situation highly amusing, and as she stretched legs and wings to work out the kinks, she eyed the bronze, noting that he was not instigating. Very well. She would do it, and she edged closer and stretched out her neck to nip at his flank and then darted away.

[glamourie]

She... was... laughing. She was laughing. At him. What had he done that was funny? Ka'rys scowled, scrunching his nose up further and recoiled as if slapped. No, she hadn't done anything explicitly wrong but shard it, didn't the girl realize how rude it was to suddenly laugh at people when they weren't trying to be amusing? Well, at least she wasn't pointing and .. doing it publicly. He'd have to hurt her if she suddenly decided to be mocking to him publicly. Or well, at least grump at her. As it was, he offered her a pointed scowl before jutting his chin defiantly. He didn't comment or say anything, instead waiting for her to get herself under control before lifting one hand to gently nudge her away; he wanted to stand and pace or sulk or something. Her sitting against his legs was... odd to say the least. He wasn't overly comfortable with physical contact as it was, and he felt as if she was laughing in his face at him feeling indignant. Part of him was insulted, part was amused, and another part confused; he only displayed the former, and only because he didn't want her to know that he liked the sound of her laughing. No, no. She had to earn the right to find that out about him, and she hadn't. She already had too many of his secrets, she would get no more from him for awhile, or so he decided.

"My ego is not half as over-inflated as yours, queenrider," he pointed out calmly in direct defiance of her words. She didn't like having her station pointed out, but if she intended to use his against him, he would return the favor. "I don't find it an excessive boost to my ego, either. Trust me when I say that for the biggest part of my life, looking that young was a detriment - and that aside, appearances have not and likely will never matter to me the way they do to most bronzeriders. My looks are nothing I can change, so why take pride in them, or insult?" It seemed logical enough to him and besides, one couldn't judge immediately what the skill of another was based on their looks. He and her little candidate friend were both proof of that. He took considerably more pride in his skills than he did his looks. If she thought he was 'preening' in any way, she was dead wrong. "And I don't know what you'd gain by trying to flatter me. Don't you see that's why I said it was a waste of your time? You really don't gain anything." He wasn't conceited enough to think she was trying to garter his favor in any way. As Hepaticath had said at the river, she had countless people fawning over her. He was not going to be one of them.

The bronzerider squinted at her next statement before shaking his head. Her expression was kind of amusing, but more amusing was how blunt she was. "I don't think you're capable of complimenting a man without following it with an immediate blow to their ego," he said thoughtfully before leaning over to tilt her chin up to meet her eyes evenly. "But since you asked -- if ever I'm looking you over, as you put it... you'll know it, as I am not at all discreet." His hand dropped and he shook his head again before smiling; it was an ironic sort of expression. "Flattery wouldn't help you get the stitches out if I didn't want you to remove them. I let you take them out because I didn't want you to nag at me. You get better results from acting like an overbearing clutchmother than you do from flattery, at least where I'm concerned. From the way your little friend acted, I'm guessing him too."

The honest truth of it was, while some men may have liked having women go on about how gorgeous they were, how wonderful their physique was, and things of that nature -- Ka'rys didn't. Those compliments were thoughtless, baseless. If someone wanted to compliment him, they'd have to offer him a real compliment, on something he took pride in. Yes, he recognized that saying he looked young and fit was a compliment but it wasn't much of one. If she wanted to truly flatter him she would have said something about how skilled Ciceroth was in flight, or the state of the blades he collected - something that was at least possessing of an ounce of importance. Looks faded over time and someone was born with them, they never had to work to look the way they wanted really. Ka'rys viewed it that way at least. He worked for the things that mattered, and he liked it far better when people acknowledged that than when they commented on anything else. For the same reason, he rarely complimented women on their appearance and that was probably a big part of why most of them didn't like him.

Ciceroth's eyes whirled with amusement at Hepaticath. Of course not. Just like RysHis wouldn't be His if he wasn't odd. Ciceroth's tail twitched slightly and he rumbled, I will not tell him that. He would find it funny. She did not want him to think of her like that, you said before; he is trying to respect that, and then she thinks of him? There was an undeniable sense of amusement in the bronze's response, as if the irony was too much for him. But anything else he might have said was cut off by the surprise he felt at being nipped by the little hatchling and his tail jerked before he watched her dart away. He waited a few moments, giving her a chance of a headstart, before awkward bunny-hopping after her. She was going to have to be fast if she was going to get away with that. Wicked little queen, he teased, nothing but playful edge in his response that made it clear he was anything but mad. I was distracted and that is cheating. I will splash you good for that.

[kysseh]

His scowl only deepened, his sulking and glowering becoming that much more evident as he sat there looking like a spoiled child denied its way. She wanted to tell him how ridiculously youthful he was looking and acting, but he put a halt to that when he put out a hand to nudge her off the edge of his lap. She complied immediately, shifting her weight and scooting backwards a bit to sit cross-legged with her elbows resting on her thighs as she leaned forward a bit to watch him. Did it really injure him that badly for her to be laughing at him? It was not meant for the sole purpose of offending him at all. Far from it, in fact. Not often was Savitri prone to outright laughter, even quiet chuckles as she had emitted. It was not that she was never amused. She just... rarely laughed genuinely as she did then.

But he did seem upset, and though she opened her mouth to apologize, her jaws snapped shut as soon as he began to speak. She recoiled a bit at the use of her rank instead of her name, her eyes narrowing slightly. Well, it was only fair that he return the rank-calling favor, she supposed, but did he have to say it like it was such an insult? Was her ego inflated? Probably, in some ways. Was it nearly as bad as he implied? Surely not! For starters, Savitri would never have thought herself to be goldriding material until Hepaticath had nosed the wounded young healer on the sands and calmly informed her that she had a new protector. She still sometimes wondered what it was that she had that Hepaticath so highly valued. And her vanity--or lack thereof--was certainly not the root for his statement, so what was?

She opted to dwell on it later, instead just watching him with an obviously less than amused expression plastered on her gently-tanned face. Why was he so insistent that she was wasting her time? If she was supposed to gain something from honest compliments and affection, then she would have been in a far different place right now. Far... far different. She would probably have a husband, a few children with another on the way. A secure, permanent home. Yes, her life would be a far cry different if she were to expect something every time she extended an offer toward another. In fact, she could count on one hand the amount of times that the transaction of affection or attention had gone both ways instead of just one. Shards. Did he think she was really that-

At his fingers beneath her chin, her head tipped up further to watch him, her green eyes suddenly serious. As soon as he finished and withdrew his fingers, she lightly shook her head. "I act like an 'overbearing clutchmother' specifically because it gets the job done faster." That description, though accurate, rankled a bit. He said it like... her nagging and fussing was impersonal, and it wasn't, not to the degree she showed it to those she cared about. "And because it's the only way that I can show any sort of affection or concern that people will accept it." She was getting upset now, and his reassurances that his looking her over would never be less than obvious were strangely... not comforting, if only because she was used to getting blatantly stared at. She could compliment someone just fine if she wanted to. The difference was whether or not they would permit her that without... laughing in her face or completely ignoring her offering, which resulted in a complete waste of her energy and attention.

"Honestly, Ka'rys... if even the tiniest portion of the attention that I gave... if I gave that with the expectation of a return and got that return on occasion, I'd never have come to the weyr. I'd probably be Joined to some holdborn idiot whose goals in life consisted entirely of siring a dozen offspring and having the most successful fishing boat in the hold." Her expression was almost sad now, in a strangely defiant sort of way. That was probably the most significant reason for her flight to the weyr at the masterhealer's urging. If she had remained any longer, her mother would have had her a husband within the Turn... whether Savitri wanted it or not. She tried to meet his gaze again, tried to impress upon him the reality of it. "So... I gain nothing but a satisfaction of my own curiosity. You're interesting and not quite so much a pain as the majority of the males in this weyr, and I see no reason for me to be mean to or avoid you. I enjoy talking to you. It's... engaging. Not always pleasing, but you'd be incredibly boring if you did nothing but agree with me." Her last statement was accompanied by a certain conviction in her town and an arch of one eyebrow, as if daring him to disagree with that.

Hepaticath preened with pride as she successfully put a bit of space between herself and the bronze. Her neck arched playfully, her eyes whirling with quiet amusement at his surprise. It is not cheating. Should you not keep one eye on your opponent at all times? Her tone, polite as it was, harbored such amusement that even Savitri touched on her mind in mild bewilderment, the young healer withdrawing immediately at the realization of what the little gold was up to. Sneaky... sneaky little Hepaticath. And, really... I did not say that she does not want him to think of her. She just was surprised that he was not thinking. Besides, even if he looks to be a good mate by his form, he must /prove/ his worth, must he not? Hepaticath was most satisfied with her own cleverness, and she cooed teasingly at the bronze before awkwardly darting in amongst the trees at the jungle's edge. Ciceroth's awkward movements were as bad as hers, albeit in a different way. She was still small enough to use those stunted forelegs for some sort of walking. He, however, lacked that capacity. Besides, she was practiced to getting around without the use of her shining wings. He was not.... or, so she thought. She let out a quiet rumble. Over here, o great and slow PlaymateMine. Such a polite little playtease, she was.

[glamourie]

Ka'rys raised an eyebrow and smiled slightly. "Is that such a bad thing to aspire to?" he asked quietly, and not without a hint of interest. "Who are you to scoff at one's idea of what is a good lifelong ambition? In some holds, having the most successful fishing boat means to be the most successful in the hold; it is a mark of considerable prestige, is it not? Wouldn't you want that - to be with someone who could provide for you, and your family, successfully, rather than have you go wanting? You make it sound like that life is so embarrassing. I've met plenty of people from the Southern Holds who have the life you just described and are just as happy for it." He wasn't criticizing, not intentionally. No, Ka'rys honestly wanted to know what was so wrong with a relatively peaceful life. He'd never trade Ciceroth for all the marks on Pern, but there were some things about hold life he found fascinating and a big part of them was the fact that people in the Holds found ways to be proud of themselves. The little things meant so much more to them. At Weyrs, riders all aspired to being Wingleaders or Wingseconds, or some Weyrleaders. Ka'rys didn't possess much in the way of ambition. He was happy just as a wingrider, and he could look at the people who worked tirelessly, day and night, to have the best fishing enterprise in their entire Hold... and he could respect the amount of dedication and work that went into such a lifestyle. Was such a man really so terrible as to be described, as she put it, as an idiot? Was that life so horrible? He understood that she was proud of Hepaticath, and she had every right to be.. but Savitri's cynical view of Holds baffled him. Ka'rys was fairly sure if he'd never Impressed, that was the kind of person he would be. The kind who worked tirelessly to be the best at what mattered to him.

Not that he necessarily approved of women being married off to whomever they wanted, but Ka'rys's views had always been strange on that front. He just didn't understand why Savitri seemed to scorn it so much. Oh, he got that she was an independent sort, desiring to make her own decisions, but what was so wrong with the concept of spending her entire life with one man, having a dozen children and being stable? That was something she could never have at Selenitas, but she might have had a chance at the Holds. He frowned. "You act like Holdlife is so horrible. What happened to you there that made you scorn it so badly? I spend a large amount of my free time at Blossom, Savitri, and in my experience, Holders have what the Weyrs - any of them - will never have: stability, security, and hope. I understand you not wanting to lead a 'boring' life, but I wouldn't see that kind of life as boring. Here, we as dragonriders are responsible for providing that sense of security and safety to all of the South; we are the rolemodels and that means we can't mess up, we can't make big mistakes. Things are far more simple. You want complicated - I don't understand why. Sometimes I envy holders their simple lives and the overwhelming knowledge they have that the dragonriders will keep them safe, keep them free. From this side of the war, I know very, very well that we're at a severe disadvantage. I would give a lot for that ignorance, that sense of confidence and happiness you seem to scorn. I don't understand how you can hate it so."

He also wouldn't have objected to a bunch of kids running around. Having one had definitely provided a level of insight he never imagined. Watching a child grow up, knowing that child was the future, was a surprising sensation. It came with fear, worry, and .. hope. Hope. Ka'rys didn't have much of that. No, he wouldn't trade Ciceroth, but he couldn't look down on Holders as beneath him. He couldn't scorn their lives. They worked hard for all that they had, busted their humps for things he gained just by being a bronzerider. He couldn't scoff at people who worked hard for all that they had. He was too busy scoffing at the ones who gained things for no reason than because they existed.

Wait, she said he wasn't as much a pain? Ka'rys blinked and then smiled, ironically. "So basically, if I want to chase you off, I just agree with everything you say, pretend like I understand, compliment you constantly and fawn over Hepaticath. Duly noted." He shook his head. Unfortunately (for him), he'd never do any of those things. If he complimented Savitri, she'd deserve it. He didn't waste his breath with false compliments, as he saw them as pointless, and Hepaticath got quite enough attention from Ciceroth. Strangely, he also had no problem arguing with Savitri when he didn't understand something she said, as evidenced by his entire behavior with her. He didn't understand it, but it was an interesting learning experience, and he was nothing if not inquisitive at heart. He liked figuring things out, even if he did feel a bit dumb because of it most of the time. Her look made him smile again - or rather, continue to smile. "Don't give me that look, I'm entitled to wonder why you're bothering. If you want me to stop asking you things, I will. You're the one who told me to be forthright."

Now you sound like Rysmine! Ciceroth replied, extremely amused. His rider was always encouraging him to pay attention, and now Hepaticath! Figured. He followed her to the trees, and then skidded to a halt, attempting to measure the best way to run around them. There weren't enough gaps to fit himself through, though, considering how big he was. Hepaticath was still small enough to. He flapped his wings and flicked his tail in agitation, examining the vegetation before him. Hmm, how to approach. Her teasing comment earned a rumble from him and he turned and swung his tail with full force at one of the lower hanging branches, snapping it so that it fell at an angle far enough to brush Hepaticath as she passed, but not actually breaking it off the tree itself. It would more likely tickle her wings when she was running around, or so it looked. He crooned. I do not fit! he protested, eyes whirling vehemently at the trees for inconveniencing him. The trees are conspiring to have me defeated.

[kysseh]

Savitri found it odd that he was so cynical of her views on life at the holds. But... then again, he was very different from her, and he was male. She sat in silence for a moment to afford him the courtesy of at least trying to formulate a scathing response to that into something halfway polite. If Hepaticath had not been a bit of a good influence, she would have just ripped him a new one right there. He had no idea, honestly. Granted, had she been born in the north, she probably would not have survived adolescence. That, or she would have been married off by fifteen Turns or so. That would not have surprised her in the least. If her mother had had her way, she would have been anyway, and had Kanden-

Ahh. Well, there was as good a place to start as any.

"Let me tell you something... about hold life, Ka'rys," she said very carefully, willing her upset to not show on her face. It was a miserable attempt that failed noticeably, but at least she had made a half-hearted try. "You can see what you want to when you look at it from an outsider's perspective. But the truth of it is that there is still the same sort of... politics. There are still families vying to get their daughters Joined to the Holder's heir. Everyone trying to be on top, to be the best. It's not peaceful or idyllic. It's just as rugged as life in the weyr, if in a much different way. I was raised that way, and you..." She shook her head, smirking humorlessly. "Of course you wouldn't understand. You are male. My father fished all his life, and that's all he knows, and I'm proud of what he does. But... women... women can take up crafts and work alongside the men. But we're still expected to Join.... bear lots of children."

Her tone was bitter now, and though she looked straight at him, her eyes were far off, sad. Shards, but she remembered the hold well. Oh, it was so peaceful on the surface, minus its squabbles. But quietly? Quietly, everyone was trying to align themselves, make themselves do the best for that year. Alliances made, alliances broken. Families squabbling over the Joinings of daughters and sons that should have been too closely related to wed. Ah, yes. She did not miss that. But... she was failing to explain this well, she realized, so she decided to go with brutal, unedited honesty.

"I'm the second eldest of seven--eight, in a few months--children. Oldest female child, and I never had the feel for the sea that my brother did. My mother was pregnant within months of my birth, and by the time I was four, I was raising myself. Most of my siblings and a scattering of the other holdbrats saw me as 'mother'. My option was kitchenwork, and that... didn't work." That thought made her smile, and she touched the faint silver scars on her cheek. "I took to healing at twelve. My mother has been trying to find me a spouse since I was fifteen. And she would have succeeded at it too, except for my only friend since childhood decided that... his peaceful, simple, ideal holdlife was worth more than I was. If I got my journeyman knots and had to transfer, he would not have come with, and he took another girl as wife. She was unfaithful and died in childbirth, but... that's neither here nor there, I suppose."

She looked away very intent on the floor suddenly. What motivated her to talk to Ka'rys, of all people, about the anger and resentment that had been building up for Turns was beyond her. But once it started, it all just came spilling out, and she was powerless to put a halt to it. "That's part of the reason that the masterhealer sent me to the weyr... because my mother would have forced me into Joining before the Turn was out. I was getting 'old', and I wouldn't be able to produce enough grandchildren to make her proud of me. Instead, my sister, younger by about a Turn, is having her first child while my mother continually sends me missives about what a poor excuse for a woman I am. And my father... he's indifferent, but at least he understands that I'm not going to ever be what my mother wants." Her green eyes were sorrowful, though no tears came. She had forced back the stinging sensation in her eyes, refusing to cry in front of him again. Instead, she just stared at his face, jaw clenched to the point where her face was slightly paled. "I have no objections to having children. I just... object to being forced to deal with someone who cossets and coddles me because I'm female and having his offspring, who couldn't care less what I wanted so long as I had all I needed. I'd love to have children... but I refuse to have children into the kind of loveless union that my parents share. It isn't fair to anyone, and especially not the children who'd have to suffer neglect for my own selfishness."

The fact that he was smiling was not earning him points, but his words... well, she could not resist chuckling at that. It lightened the mood considerably, and she wondered if he had done so on purpose. "No, I don't want you to stop asking. I'm sorry. That's just... it makes me so angry when people prattle about how ideal it is to live in a hold when they haven't got a clue." She rolled her eyes at the thought of him fawning over her. It was ridiculous to the point where she wanted to slap him upside the head for even considering it, and it was tempting to just stand, step closer, and do so. "Honestly, if you ever start to behave like that, I'll shove you off a weyrledge. It's comforting to talk to someone with a functioning brain that isn't focused on sex, power, or some combination of the two," she added, though the quirk of her lips indicated something resembling a smile. He could have any sort of attention from the female kind that he wanted, really. He was in a position of power, and he was not all that bad looking. Only his bad attitude kept people away, though she had a feeling that he did that on purpose. Men.

She sounded like the SecretKeeper? Hepaticath let out a snort. Actually, Hers had taught her that little nugget of information... courtesy of Tanith's bonded's instructions. She wove in and out of the trees near the very edge. She was sure he could see her, and she flashed her hide at him in play, making sure he knew where she was in an effort to tease him. Oh, but he could not fit! His tail lashed out in agitation, and the branch fell a bit, the leaves and twigs tickling her as she slunk by, eliciting a wriggle and delightful croon. Ahh, that felt nice! She turned around and brushed up against it again, wriggling happily against the fallen leaves and twigs. It even got the itchy spots. How convenient! Poor PlaymateMine. At least you can know that your branch is quite nicely relieving the itches on my ridges. she said playfully, watching him through a gap in the trees. She was near enough that he could reach out and touch her with his nose if he stretched.... though whether he could fit his head in was debatable. Shall I knock down a few trees to let you in? Her croon was teasing this tie, her eyes whirling with affection and delight. She adored playing. And itching her back. Both together? Quite a good time, surely.

[glamourie]

Since she had moved, Ka'rys used that chance to pull his legs up to his chest, the heels of his bare feet resting on the edge of the chair. His arms wound around his legs, and he rested his chin on top of his knees, a thoughtful expression crossing his face, but he listened without interruption. About five seconds in, he picked up he'd touched on a bad subject and he bit his tongue to stop the immediate apology from escaping; if she was talking, she surely wanted to, as Savitri had to know she owed him no explanations. He wasn't entirely sure what to say to her, though. Comforting words weren't his strong point, nor were attempts to soothe or justify. He also could not properly empathize, simply because... he had nothing to compare it to, and listening to Savitri speak drove that point home. He was both jealous and not. When he saw families that worked, he found himself silently, secretly jealous of their close bonds. He'd never had that - no mother or fostermother, no family of any kind. A sister who was as a stranger, but that was all. He did envy the ones that worked, but hearing Savitri speak made him think maybe his life wasn't that bad. At least no one had a chance to hurt him emotionally, because he never let them in. Who was to say who's life was better, or worse, from that perspective? He couldn't decide, but it was something that couldn't be changed. Even though Savitri seemed so hurt, he supposed it was a matter of perspective. He couldn't truly understand something he couldn't fully relate to, and no matter how hard he thought about it, he'd always think that at least she had the chance to have a family. He didn't, and Selenitas did a good job of reinforcing that concept to him over and over again. He didn't have a family, he didn't belong, he was separate and outsider.

As she stopped speaking, the bronzerider uncurled slightly, his legs still mostly pulled up in front of him, but dangling over the edge of the chair in a strange, half-perched position. He stretched his hands out to rest them both on her shoulders, light, but meant to reassure. Hugs weren't his thing, but Ka'rys initiating physical contact of any kind was meant to comfort. A slight frown passed over his features, and he scooted off the chair to kneel in front of her, so that he wasn't quite looking down anymore. Even ground, so to speak. In his mind it made sense, even if she never realized what his motives for moving were.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize that was a sensitive subject," he said softly, and found himself surprised that he did, truly, mean it. Yes, it was an educational discussion, but he didn't mean to upset her as he so clearly had. "I have a peculiar talent for upsetting you, it seems." He didn't give voice to his thoughts or mental comparisons between what she described as her childhood and his own; it seemed inconsiderate, or self-centered. Surely her childhood was worse than his. He hadn't been mistreated, at least not in his own views. The south was so different. They coddled their children, babied them, and thus when they became adults, they didn't understand how to survive. Ka'rys didn't resent how he grew up because he was a fighter, was a survivor. His childhood was spent hiding in corners, sleeping in abandoned cots, and for the most part what food he got was second-hand. He got better than the girl-children did because he was a boy, but it wasn't exactly the best of anything. He never expected the best of anything. All-in-all it wasn't bad. Some of the other Weyrbrats made fun of or tried to pick on him because he was small, but he fought back hard enough that he'd made a point. He'd never missed the things that Savitri seemed to. Some part of him wondered - in adulthood - if things would have been better. The biggest part of him accepted that he had no power to change the past, and it didn't bother him anymore.

He shook his head and smiled slightly. "It seems ideal to me because it's different. Everyone thinks that what they don't have is better, that's human nature. I only know what I've lived, and I can't imagine everyone's lives were that bad." His hands moved down to her upper arms before dropping away, and he shrugged. "I can respect people who work every day for what they have. I look at people like the holders living at Blossom, who work hard with those dolphins, or just in general cooking, cleaning - and I look at people like Shmee, who come to Weyrs, Impress and have their entire lives handed to them on a platter. The Lord and Lady Holders I don't respect that much but the normal people - them I do. They don't get anywhere near as much credit as they deserve." It was just a simple statement, not an argument. "But I recognize sometimes things are better on the surface. The grass is always greener on the other side of the river from where you're standing. Even so, I wouldn't change a thing about my life. Ciceroth makes everything else seem trivial. I'm happy enough with exactly what I have, so I don't truly envy them. Only sometimes."

Ciceroth crooned to Hepaticath, his wings fluttering as he eyed the trees. It was meant to slow you down! he replied, slinking up to the trees as best he could. Then he stood on his back legs and nudged the top of one of the trees, as if to try and push it over, and had to flap his wings several times to remain balanced. Dirt and fallen leaves kicked up around him. He ignored them and found himself frustrated when the tree did not lean from his weight. Hmph. I would enjoy watching you try to knock over a tree - but I bet I can beat you to the river. I'll race you.