Post by Requiem on May 14, 2010 12:07:19 GMT -5
...
He was going back to that? Kalierre could have said something, perhaps...that catering to a low self-image didn't mean praising someone's looks, for one. No, R'wign wasn't unattractive, but he wasn't and never really had been her physical type. Moreover she didn't make comments like that to anyone, really. Low self-esteem rarely had that much to do with looks...just tended to manifest that way. (She, for one, had no issues with self-esteem, but she knew she was on the bottom rung as far as appearances went. Unless you happened to like cripples with facial scars and an extra layer of fat around the hips that she couldn't get off after pregnancy. Bah.) But she didn't see how it would help anything, really, so she didn't respond. Not to that, not to anything about their working relationship, or Riaren and Teri (though she couldn't fathom why he felt he couldn't bring them into the infirmary when she was there), or to his insistance that he wasn't like the others. Hardly seemed worthwhile to comment for a third time on the fact that R'wign wasn't like them, did it?
"No, I don't suppose it is," she responded quietly. Likely wasn't personal at all. In fact, she was getting the very distinct impression that this was what had always been behind the clowing around, joking and smiles. Grumpy or no, though...this was how he really thought, wasn't it? Disregarding word choice, disregarding the tone which made her instinctively want to go on the defensive...the sentiments behind the words. They were - true. And with that in mind, no, she wasn't taking offense at what he was saying, though it would have been all too easy for her to. It was just this sort of thing that had always offended her in the past.
R'wign had been a child when she'd met him, on the riverbank, fighting with Marra. Phre still small enough to hold in her arms. She'd asked him to help her with a dragonless burn victim; she remembered that. Kalierre wasn't terribly old herself, no, but when you're twenty-three...the difference between you and a seventeen-turn-old seems like a chasm. He was awkward around her, too, as she recalled. Uncertain. Normal for a junior journeyman new to the weyr, even if he wasn't precisely a new journeyman. The boy was terrified of dragons. Not that she could blame him - few new better than a Benden first responder just how terrible dragons could be. Powerful creatures, and, as with any dangerous tool, horrific if used for the wrong ends.
No, she wasn't that much older than R'wign, but she'd felt like she was. Hard not to after seven turns at Benden Weyr...their time at Healer Hall only overlapped by two turns, after all. Kalierre had naturally been ceded to the Benden side of the infirmary once they realized she was one of the few apprentices who wasn't afraid of the riders. Or the dragons. Two turns into her apprenticeship at the time. But the girl had spent her childhood wandering with her mother, watched the woman die, and found herself a way into Healer Hall afterwards. She was never much of a child. Just as training started becoming more specialized - she spent all her time with the dying and the grievously wounded. And as they changed, so, too, did she.
It was only natural to send her to Benden Weyr after she walked the tables in 3003. There weren't many healers who would be able to handle the culture shock. Still, it wasn't much of a place for a fifteen-turn-old girl.
She wasn't sure when she'd started seeing R'wign as an adult. Possibly not long before his Impression to Checkoth. He'd seemed...to finally be getting his feet. Kalierre liked to think she could take a little credit for that, what with asking him to apprentice to her for dragonhealing. Not easy to be a healer at a weyr when you were afraid of dragons. His skill was never something she'd questioned, but his confidence hadn't been there. Now it was. She should be happy, she supposed, and in a way, she was. Kalierre didn't want him to be insecure, after all. It was good he was as confident with general healing as he'd been with his herbs.
Even if it meant he'd started judging her and finding her wanting in that field.
He wasn't even completely wrong, either. Kalierre wasn't a general practitioner, though she knew as much about general medicine as any senior journeyman specialist. Which was to say a good deal more than anyone at Selenitas except possibly R'wign. But she was well past the point of quibbling over such things, of ranking herself. Between the two of them, there was no better healer; they had different strengths. Not that she cared to verbalize any of that. Kalierre didn't need R'wign to acknowledge it. She knew...as did a lot of others. The dragonhealer truly was someone who needed no validation. Faranth knew, she'd never gotten it at Benden. Had come to take being called on as validation enough - as acknowledgement enough that she was needed.
"If it helps to talk about it, though...Checkoth is right. You should. Even if it's uncomfortable. He's a very intelligent dragon, Checkoth. Sometimes I wonder if he picked up the habit of hiding his intelligence from you," she added, a flash of a teasing smile.
He was going back to that? Kalierre could have said something, perhaps...that catering to a low self-image didn't mean praising someone's looks, for one. No, R'wign wasn't unattractive, but he wasn't and never really had been her physical type. Moreover she didn't make comments like that to anyone, really. Low self-esteem rarely had that much to do with looks...just tended to manifest that way. (She, for one, had no issues with self-esteem, but she knew she was on the bottom rung as far as appearances went. Unless you happened to like cripples with facial scars and an extra layer of fat around the hips that she couldn't get off after pregnancy. Bah.) But she didn't see how it would help anything, really, so she didn't respond. Not to that, not to anything about their working relationship, or Riaren and Teri (though she couldn't fathom why he felt he couldn't bring them into the infirmary when she was there), or to his insistance that he wasn't like the others. Hardly seemed worthwhile to comment for a third time on the fact that R'wign wasn't like them, did it?
"No, I don't suppose it is," she responded quietly. Likely wasn't personal at all. In fact, she was getting the very distinct impression that this was what had always been behind the clowing around, joking and smiles. Grumpy or no, though...this was how he really thought, wasn't it? Disregarding word choice, disregarding the tone which made her instinctively want to go on the defensive...the sentiments behind the words. They were - true. And with that in mind, no, she wasn't taking offense at what he was saying, though it would have been all too easy for her to. It was just this sort of thing that had always offended her in the past.
R'wign had been a child when she'd met him, on the riverbank, fighting with Marra. Phre still small enough to hold in her arms. She'd asked him to help her with a dragonless burn victim; she remembered that. Kalierre wasn't terribly old herself, no, but when you're twenty-three...the difference between you and a seventeen-turn-old seems like a chasm. He was awkward around her, too, as she recalled. Uncertain. Normal for a junior journeyman new to the weyr, even if he wasn't precisely a new journeyman. The boy was terrified of dragons. Not that she could blame him - few new better than a Benden first responder just how terrible dragons could be. Powerful creatures, and, as with any dangerous tool, horrific if used for the wrong ends.
No, she wasn't that much older than R'wign, but she'd felt like she was. Hard not to after seven turns at Benden Weyr...their time at Healer Hall only overlapped by two turns, after all. Kalierre had naturally been ceded to the Benden side of the infirmary once they realized she was one of the few apprentices who wasn't afraid of the riders. Or the dragons. Two turns into her apprenticeship at the time. But the girl had spent her childhood wandering with her mother, watched the woman die, and found herself a way into Healer Hall afterwards. She was never much of a child. Just as training started becoming more specialized - she spent all her time with the dying and the grievously wounded. And as they changed, so, too, did she.
It was only natural to send her to Benden Weyr after she walked the tables in 3003. There weren't many healers who would be able to handle the culture shock. Still, it wasn't much of a place for a fifteen-turn-old girl.
She wasn't sure when she'd started seeing R'wign as an adult. Possibly not long before his Impression to Checkoth. He'd seemed...to finally be getting his feet. Kalierre liked to think she could take a little credit for that, what with asking him to apprentice to her for dragonhealing. Not easy to be a healer at a weyr when you were afraid of dragons. His skill was never something she'd questioned, but his confidence hadn't been there. Now it was. She should be happy, she supposed, and in a way, she was. Kalierre didn't want him to be insecure, after all. It was good he was as confident with general healing as he'd been with his herbs.
Even if it meant he'd started judging her and finding her wanting in that field.
He wasn't even completely wrong, either. Kalierre wasn't a general practitioner, though she knew as much about general medicine as any senior journeyman specialist. Which was to say a good deal more than anyone at Selenitas except possibly R'wign. But she was well past the point of quibbling over such things, of ranking herself. Between the two of them, there was no better healer; they had different strengths. Not that she cared to verbalize any of that. Kalierre didn't need R'wign to acknowledge it. She knew...as did a lot of others. The dragonhealer truly was someone who needed no validation. Faranth knew, she'd never gotten it at Benden. Had come to take being called on as validation enough - as acknowledgement enough that she was needed.
"If it helps to talk about it, though...Checkoth is right. You should. Even if it's uncomfortable. He's a very intelligent dragon, Checkoth. Sometimes I wonder if he picked up the habit of hiding his intelligence from you," she added, a flash of a teasing smile.