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Post by binker on Dec 26, 2008 19:51:00 GMT -5
Everyone had impressed, it seemed. Everyone Pepsi remotely knew, at least, and they were the only ones Pepsi cared about. They looked happy, running about with the miniature dragons right behind him, but the wildling found that he felt rather... Detached from it all. They had moved on, and he felt even more unsure of what it was he himself was supposed to be doing in this place.
Ever since he fled the stands at the hatching, he felt just how alone he was; wandering from place to place within the Weyr, he saw no friendly faces. He was hit with a spoon for entering the kitchens, had rocks slung at him by weyrbrats, and had finally fled from it all to the edges of the jungle, scaling a tree and huddling within a large fork between the branches, waiting for the shaking to subside from his body.
It was only then that he realized his face was wet; a few experimental swipes of his cheeks, and they were wet again. Pepsi finally realized that it was tears; he remembered tears, things shed when his mother died, when he woke up without his father. It was that same familiar ache in his chest that he felt now, the pangs of feeling so alone, so abandoned. But where he would normally allow himself to flee from the things that were hurting him, there was no option for him now. If he ran, they would catch him, again and again.
Sadness morphed slowly in to frustration, frustration to anger. What power did the Weyr have, to pen him up here and make him feel such things!? Life in the jungles was what he was meant for, but now he was here, trying to fit in in a place where most didn't want him. Didn't the newly-formed bruises speak enough for him? He looked for friendship, and the weyrpeople, those that were the same species as him, the same blood, they shunned him.
He allowed himself to cry for a while, bitter at the Weyr, at mankind, at himself. He didn't want to be here, didn't want to keep trying only to be shoved away, thought of as inhuman. Little better than an animal... People thought he was dim, but he knew enough from their looks, their treatment of others compared to their treatment of he himself. He was a nuisance to them, useless and taking up space and food they believed could be better used by actual folks.
It was long after the tears dried up that Pepsi moved, the wildling stiff from keeping his position for so long in the tree. He didn't wish to go back, thought about running for it while the Hatching kept everyone distracted. But there was nowhere he could go where dragons couldn't follow...
He whimpered to himself, the sound of a kicked canine rather than a person. But he moved numbly towards the Weyr once more, dragging his feet to prolong his return to his prison. How long would it be until he could no longer stand the taunts, the looks? He was trapped here, and there would no escape... Except for the escape that only Death could provide.
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Post by nightingale on Dec 26, 2008 22:01:44 GMT -5
Saeo knew that Candidates weren't permitted to leave the Weyr in groups any smaller than two -but then, she wasn't a candidate anymore, was she? At least, that was the smug answer she planned to give any patrol-rider that spotted her out wandering on her own.
As much as she hated to admit it, watching Cherilith sleep had become tedious after day four. He was an absolute pleasure of course -when he was awake- but the time he spent comatose far outweighed the time he spent chatting with her and inhaling any cut of heardbeast that came near. She had needed to get out for a while, to let her mind and her stitches get some fresh air.
She hadn't expected to stumble across anyone else, much less Pepsi trudging along like a beaten animal. Taking a few especially loud and obvious steps to ensure she didn't startle him, the girl raised her arm in greeting.
"Well good morning!"
She called, hoping feebly that she would receive a greeting slightly more enthusiastic than the dagger-sharp glare she'd gotten used to. If it was possible. Saeo was she that he'd been even less personable since the hatching, a side effect she was certain had to do with his spending so much time with Neiko and his...well, as much as she hated to think of any dragon as a beast, she certainly couldn't manage and kind thoughts...
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Post by binker on Dec 26, 2008 22:35:13 GMT -5
That was /so/ not fair. He was feeling miserable, so fate threw /her/ at him. The girl that had really been the start of his whole life at the Weyr. She had never been all that friendly before, even when he was busy saving her hide from felines, so he was instantly wary. What was she going to do, shove her impression in to his face? Pepsi really wasn't sure he could deal with that... He might snap if anyone else commented on how he had not been allowed on the sands.
Still, he passed her mutely, staring hollowly at the new Weyrling before she was gone from his sight. His eyes hurt, his head hurt, and he just wanted to curl up and be left alone... He was sure he looked worse than usual, couldn't she see that he wanted to be left alone? She could taunt him all she wanted later, but right now... He was just /tired/ of it all.
"Leave be. Don't want hurt." Hunching his shoulders defensively, he continued along. The candidate barracks were emptier now, perhaps he could curl up in a cot for a while and not be bothered. Though there /were/ still some boys that thought he didn't belong in the barracks... Having his furs pulled off of him and getting 'accidently' shoved and hit was too uh bullying for him right now. He would just have to make due with the beach, maybe dig himself a little hole to sleep in...? No, someone might decide to bury him while he was sleeping...
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Post by nightingale on Dec 26, 2008 22:50:47 GMT -5
Don't want hurt?
Saeo's tallents had never lay in translation, and so she was willing to accept the statement was a threat as much as anything else. She paused, letting her arm drop to the level of her chest as the boy moved past her. That look was...not the kind of expression she was used to seeing on the wildling's face, and so she was slow in registering it for what it was.
"Ah...is...is something wrong?"
She called, glancing over her shoulder breifly before deciding that following him was her best bet if she wanted an answer. She jogged to catch up with him, wincing slightly as the vigerious motion tugged at the cuts lacing the skin beneath her blouse. She kept a repectful buffer zone of three paces or so, unwilling to have her head chopped off for invading his personal space, then fixed a questioning glance on the back of the boy's head.
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Post by binker on Dec 26, 2008 23:00:14 GMT -5
"Yes, something wrong. Silly girl follow me!" Pepsi whirled around, staring at her with clear irritation. The girl just wouldn't get the hint, would she?! "Leave be. Not want fake... Pity." Another word learned from Neikolai; one of the last he would learn from him, no doubt. He was much too busy to play teacher to a wildling, wasn't he? He even had a new name, something Pepsi didn't understand... But he wasn't willing to ask about it, either.
His expression turned to one of pain for a split-second, before he turned around again, head lowering so he could stare at the ground as he walked, looking too much like a kicked canine for his own good. He didn't even know what to do with himself now... No one wanted him around, that was for sure.
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Post by nightingale on Dec 27, 2008 12:18:28 GMT -5
The girl's expression furrowed into a rueful mixture of concern and frustration as she kept pace next to Pepsi. Well obviously something was wrong -his blatant sidestepping of her question proved that much- but assuming that he was anything like the other boys she knew she'd be hard pressed to find out what it was. They all seemed to have an instinctive, masochistic urge to stew in their own misery rather than just talk to someone about it...but then, she supposed if she had only Neiko to confide in, she'd probably opt to keep quiet as well.
"Fake pity?"
She scoffed, her tone laced with both anger and hurt at the accusation.
"Dragonshells! Call me silly if you will, but question my sincerity only if you aim to break my heart! If I didn't care what was wrong, it would be far easier for me to continue on my walk and forget I saw you than to press you for information. As it is I DO care, I AM following you and...and so please, talk to me!"
Tact was another area where Saeo's skills fell far short of the norm. Dipping the truth in honey didn't make it any easier to swallow when it was determined to choke you, and so she felt there was no need for it. Besides, if she hadn't been worried before she certainly was now, and it she knew that worry would eat away at her until she found some way to remedy the situation.
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Post by binker on Dec 27, 2008 13:16:13 GMT -5
Break her heart? He couldn't break her heart when it was still in her ribcage. What a silly girl. The idea of it almost cheered Pepsi up, but the fact that Saeo was still there, pestering and prodding him for information ruined the effect. The only way he would get her off his back, it seemed, was to show weakness, let her scoff and pick on him, then move on.
"Not know... What do. Weyr not want me near, but not allow me to go away... People mean, hit and throw stuff. Neikolai nice, but... He move on now. Got dragon, no time for Pepsi." He shuffled miserably, avoiding her gaze as he frowned. "No one have time for Pepsi. Unless pick on Pepsi, be mean. Drive away and then laugh, talk about Pepsi. Is not fair; I not do anything to them, but people hate..."
He bit his lip, eyes looking around. He didn't have any other witnesses to this, did he? Didn't look like it. Good... "Not want to be here. Trapped, not like it. Want to go back to jungle, but dragons catch me, always. Not have choice... Have to learn rules, words, is hard!"
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Post by nightingale on Dec 27, 2008 13:56:59 GMT -5
The girl was silent for a long moment, clear grey eyes wide and searching beneath her furrowed brow. It took a few seconds for the information to filter into her mind and settle itself to a readable order, but when it did, the horrible realization struck her with enough force to leave her breathless.
"I...I'm sorry..."
She murmured her eyes dropping shamefully to the jungle floor. She drew one of her hands against her chest and began toying absently with the cream coloured fabric of her blouse.
"I didn't realize...I never would have thought that you were so unhappy here...I...I suppose I just assumed...they really hit you?"
She lifted her chin a fraction of an inch, hoping that the burning in her eyes wasn't as obvious as it felt. Dragonshells, what was the matter with her? She should have picked up on all this the first time he tried to run away, but she had been so willing to believe he was just being rebellious, so sharding desperate to blame anyone but herself. She should have been looking out for him right from the beginning, but passing the responsibility off to Neiko had just been so sharding conveniant...
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Post by binker on Dec 27, 2008 16:31:53 GMT -5
Pepsi snorted, crossing his arms as he looked away. "Not your fault. Well... Not /all/ your fault. You are mean too, but less mean than others." At her question he nodded, face darkening. "They all hit, with spoons or rocks or hands... They not punished, but I know if I fight back, get in trouble. Weyrwoman not like me, Weyrleader not like me... I hurt someone, they get mad."
He shook his head, arms hugging himself. "Everyone mean, call names, talk bad about... They think I'm dumb, not worth having around. They all want me gone. It is not fair... I am one, they are many. Even dragons not think I am like others... No one like me." Thankfully he had already cried himself out, and didn't start weeping in front of her. He wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he did...
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Post by nightingale on Dec 27, 2008 17:16:19 GMT -5
"I'm sorry..."
She murmured once again, trying to be discreet about dabbing the wetness from her eyes before the charcoal paint began to dissolve. The girl winced as she felt the stinging pain of saltwater burning into the stitches on her left cheek. Scorch it, if this crying like an idiot became a habit, Saeo didn't know how she'd be able to show her face outside of the wyers.
"I...I guess I was mean...oh, but you have to know that doesn't mean I dislike you! I do like you! A-and so does Raylin and Neiko and Zaqx...and...well, Cloar's still a little sore about getting bitten, but he'll come around!"
She bit down on her lower lip in a vain attempt to regain some semblance of composure. A silly little thought came to her then. What was she doing all the way on the other side of the path? Assuring Pepsi that she liked him with her unwillingness to share a three foot patch of dirt and leaf litter? Slowly, carefully, she inched her way over to the boy until she was near enough to lay her hand on his arm.
"Pepsi...sometimes when people don't understand something...they get frightened or...or angry. I'm not saying that it's right...but couldn't you please try to understand? There are many people here who would want to be your friends if you would just give them a chance."
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Post by binker on Dec 28, 2008 22:44:38 GMT -5
"Told you, not your fault. No need to.. Apologize." He glanced at her, a bit startled to see her crying. Did she really feel that bad? Well... Good. She deserved to feel bad; the whole Weyr did. But he would have to do with only one girl feeling the effects of her actions...
"Everyone mean. You alright; are not as mean as others. Never hit, at least." His eyes flashed for a moment, a frown marring his face. "Though... /Is/ your fault I stuck here. You and firelizard and dragonriders..."
His face darkened for a moment, thoughts occupying his attention until he felt her hand on his arm. He jumped a bit, still unused to being touched by people without pain accompanying it; Neikolai was the only person he felt was truly nice, and the other male wasn't one for touching others all that often.
"Is not right. How they feel, if everyone mean to them? They think I not know better, but I do. I HATE Weyr!" His voice rose in his anger, but was broken by a soft, dry sob. "Are not many people. They think I stupid, know they do. I see it, they do not like me here..." He side-stepped away from her, head lowering.
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Post by nightingale on Dec 29, 2008 20:25:01 GMT -5
Saeo's face was the perfect expression of heartbroken misery as she struggled to keep the tears off of her cheeks. Shells, if this was even a small fraction of the pain Pepsi had endured, it was more than she could bear.
"Well who gives a dragonshell what they think?!"
She cried, her voice choked with the emotion she couldn't manage to convey through other means.
"The day a bunch of drudges and weyrbrats have any way about who enters this weyr is the day we all die in threadfall! You simply can't listen to what they say! They're all a bunch of embittered, superstitious dimglows, so wrapped up in their own self pity that they'll resort to tormenting one of their own kind just to lessen their own feelings of inferiority!"
How eloquent Saeo. Harper Guilden would be very impressed -now why not try that again in plain Pernese?
"What I mean is..."
She paused a moment to catch her breath and rake a hand through her hair.
"What I mean is that what they think isn't important...and what they do will be changed if I have any say in it! You're not alone here...please, just let us help you. I know we can fix this."
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Post by binker on Dec 29, 2008 20:46:21 GMT -5
Wow, she looked a hundred times worse than Pepsi did; just another reminder of all the things about his own kind that were so foreign to him. People wore their emotions on their sleeves here, while Pepsi had always been afraid that any weakness woul get him killed. He found the difference very... Awkward.
The feeling only multiplied as Saeo rambled off words Pepsi had never even heard before; startled, he could only blink in reply as Saeo managed to finally break it down in to something he could understand...
"You don't have say. Even if told by leader, they still do it. I know they do... They just be sneaky about it, more careful not to get caught, see? Besides, not all are low members. Other candidates be mean, even dragonriders. Too many people to get to stop..." He shrugged, glancing away. "I am weak link in Weyr. Get many enemies... No way to make stop, see? Is just..."
He trailed off, not able to find the right word for it. Fate? No. Natural? No, it really wasn't... Frustrated, he growled softly, shaking his head. "Is just going to happen." Or so Pepsi believed, at least.
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Post by nightingale on Dec 29, 2008 21:17:24 GMT -5
Saeo was sure that she actually felt her heart crack wide open at those last few words. That was the awful truth of it all, wasn't it? A little girl bluerider didn't have any say in how a Weyrful of people chose to behave. There was absolutely nothing she could do to change things...
"But...but that just can't be right..."
She murmured softly, dragging a charcoal stained wrist across her eyes and trying to ignore the painful rubbing sensation.
"I...I'm sorry...I'm just so sorry...a-and I know that's not going to change anything, but...but oh how I wish it could..."
She was wracking her brain to come up with some sort of solution. There had to be something -anything- that she could do to improve things, and yet all she could manage to do was was burn open her stitches and sob occasionally. Hadn't she become a dragon rider so she wouldn't half to feel this wretchedly helpless anymore? Well, that was disapointment number two of the day, and she shuddered to think how the third was going to top it.
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Post by binker on Jan 6, 2009 19:05:32 GMT -5
"Is not right. Is not right at all, see? But not all is right, when it comes to humans. They loud, weak, and attack their own. They kill and lie, and are so afraid..." Pepsi growled, shaking his head. "I ashamed to be human. Would rather be beast, so I not have to worry about being killed by own."
He moved away, shuffling along awkwardly before he paused, looking at her cautiously. "Well, least you sorry. Makes better than most..." He frowned, scratching at his head as he peered at her. "Look like wound trying to bleed. No more of that crying, you have to go to healers if you do."
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