But soon enough you're gonna think of me [Req]

[rii]

And how I used to be...me

It looked harmless.

The smooth glass vial easily fit inside his closed palm. Clear as water and as far as F'lix knew it was just as odorless and tasteless. A sampling to prove, or disprove, the information would result in his death. In theory F'lix could ask his unwitting victim if anything smelled or tasted differently. A curious and morbid question to ask a person before they died. F'lix curled his fingers around the vial while wishing he was that far disconnected from humanity; to only wonder what the aftertaste might be for another person. Was there a taste to death?

.. Of course there were more prominent questions F'lix wanted to ask his intended victim. The answers he might get were less desirable. He wished he could just let it all go. Forget. Yet after a turn of seeing, hearing, being near – it was near impossible not to remember. The feelings were as conflicing as they had been turns ago. Hating someone so much to want to kill them, yet.. yet.. still feel something for that person; enough to want

answers.

Why?

Had it all been just a game?

...did he ever care?

Terror, thankfully, did not have insight to the troubling thoughts. Lilitu and Saboth were accustom to the rise and fall of various emotions within F'lix. Lately special care was taken to no project anything the blue salamandyr might pick up on. It was wrong to think of Terror as a spy, but F'lix did. Found himself thankful when Lilitu kept her clutchbrother busy. She was content to have Terror nearby. F'lix could feel her even now, contently coiled around the blue to ward off the pre-dawn chill. Keeping him away.

Up on the cliffs, dressed fully in his riding leathers, F'lix sat with just the toes of his boots jutting over the edge. He'd leave today to head back north. Only.. he wouldn't arrive. What he was suppose to do is meet up with F'ur. He was lucky to have found the man again. Luckier still that F'ur still cared for him enough to want to be together again. There was no doubt in F'lix's mind of wanting to again be with his weyrmate. Yet - there was that pesky word again and it torn F'lix apart to think it - he didn't want to leave. F'lix fingers loosened enough to allow golden eyes to again trace over the vial. He had unfinished business here at the weyr.

It felt like insanity to consider not showing up at the glade. There was no way the he could make F'ur understand. F'lix again fisted the vial, leaning forward into his knees to cover his head with his arms. Two paths laid ahead of him. The choices were clear to make. The indecision, however, tormented F'lix enough to make him want to sample the poison. A coward yes, but the endless stream of thoughts plaguing him was pushing him over the edge.

The sun began to crest over the top of the jungle. In silence F'lix slipped back through the hallways back to his weyr. Saboth had been packed an hour earlier and F'lix prayed that no one noticed that extra side bags. This trip F'lix would be taking everything because he wasn't suppose to be coming back. The mandyrs were collected and safely tucked away. F'lix would still go to the glade as promised, because - if anything - he had to return Terror to F'ur. That much he had to do.

Didn't know how to contact F'ur, or even how far Terror could speak with him. They had never agreed on a date. It had been a sevenday then some. But, F'lix thought as he closed his eyes to the cold press of between, hopefully the man wouldn't be long in arriving. The glade was empty. Saboth landed and together they sat listening to the birds and insects begin stirring. After a long while, with the glade fully bathed in sunlight and the heat beginning to rise, F'lix finally spoke to his dragon. "You should move out of sight."

It was the right place, wasn't it?

F'lix parted from his dragon, choosing to sit in the middle of the lea with his back pressed against a rock, the tall grass tall around him. F'ur had to come - eventually - for Terror. The thought of leaving the salamandyr there to be found did cross F'lix's mind. In the end he decided that it would be far too cruel - to leave the frightful blue in the middle of nowhere with lurking shadows at every turn. F'lix cupped Terror between his hands, focusing intently on the salamandyr as if he were a beacon that would summon F'ur forth. Not far from the truth, really..

[Requiem]

He did not show up right away.

Terror was moderately comfortable with F'lix, though he didn't remember the man so well. Lilitu he remembered, though, and F'lix was Hers, so he suffered the oddity of the young man's handling with relative grace for him. Which equated to not shrieking for His and merely cowering in the cupped hands. The 'mandyr still tried to urge His faster, of course, not trusting Lilitu's to keep him safe. There were many evils in these tall grasses. So many evils.

Arguably one of those evils was F'ur himself, who'd set up far enough from the glade that his companions weren't likely to stumble upon it by accident. He didn't know if they'd recognize it or not; it undoubtedly meant far less to them than it did to him. Honestly, the bluerider wasn't sure. He knew he didn't want them here for this, but he didn't know what would happen beyond that. It hadn't really mattered and still mattered very little. Having F'lix back...it had occupied his mind the entire time Terror had been separated from him.

And yes, it would have been a lie to claim that he'd sent Terror with F'lix solely to soothe worries of losing F'lix again. Permanently. That was a big part of it, of course, but he also knew that the kitten would have to come to him if he had the salamandyr. The reluctance of the younger man to simply leave bothered him. He didn't understand why the effort to conceal his disappearance. Which suggested something else was there, something dangerous to F'ur. Something he didn't know or suspected but didn't want to think about.

The older man was refusing to let the wandering thoughts wander too far, though. F'lix was here. He picked through the trees toward the glade, forcing himself to follow the rules and disturb nothing rather than hurrying. Whatever this was, he was confident that he could chase it from F'lix's mind by his presence. It had to be so. F'ur wasn't going to accept that the intervening turn had changed them that much.

Terror darted from between F'lix's fingers and flung himself at F'ur, clinging to the man desperately before scurrying quickly into the concealment of the bluerider's hair. F'ur's attention was only for F'lix, though. His pace was swift, but it slowed to nothing as he stopped a short distance from the kitten. The older man looked for some reaction in the other bluerider's face. Something to tell him that he could be as expressive as he wanted to.

[rii]

How annoying.

After all the turns, F'lix again felt like the stupid fifteen turn old he'd once been. Albeit, presently he knew he was being foolish. It didn't help him sort out his thoughts any better, but at least he could assure himself that he wouldn't end up beside a lake when at the end of his rope. Nope. He still had a bit of length of rope left yet to hang himself.

F'lix didn't lift his head until he felt Terror wriggled out from between fingers. Summoned out of his thoughts, as it may seem, despite he had heard F'ur's approach. Distance and an unreadable expressed greeted him. As much as F'lix wanted to muster a smile for his former weyrmate, he felt his own expression shift to reflect the guarded demeanor. It'd be nice not to be such an open book anyway. The night they had briefly spent together... time had been on F'lix's side. Distraction the tool to keep F'ur from asking too many questions. Now F'lix didn't have those luxuries..

The happiness had to be there, somewhere, but the most prominent feeling F'lix had was the welling guilt he felt when he looked at F'ur. Thus his gaze fell an inch lower to examine the grass brushing along the older man's legs. There wouldn't be guilt if there wasn't first love. F'lix didn't really know why he felt the way he did. It's not as if he had moved on to someone else during the past turn. Yet he did give up on F'ur being alive and let his mind wander to the past. Allowed himself to long for attention, even the slightest show of acknowledgment from the man that had confessed to hating him. To F'lix, even though he hadn't acted on them - or had the actual chance - was enough to create the guilty conscious he now burdened.

Breaking off one of the tall grass talks, F'lix idly began to pick it apart with his fingers. Clearly something need to be spoken – F'ur was.. waiting? Expecting something? F'lix's fingers tore at the plant a touch more quickly. "I hope he wasn't too scared while staying with me." Or caused F'ur any problems if Terror had been scared out of his tiny paranoid mind. "It made Lilitu happy - to have him there. It reminded me of Simper."

It felt awkward. F'lix quickly pressed his lips into a thin line. Speaking openly simply didn't feel right. Faranth he wished F'ur would say something, or leave. Anything to fill in the hanging silence.

[Requiem]

Now, a turn couldn't make him lose the feel for his weyrmate completely. F'ur knew that at least part of that look from F'lix was a result of his own hesitance and uncertainty. The younger man had always been the least confident of the two of them and it had often fallen to the older to soothe and reassure him. But F'ur concealed by being a perpetual, arrogant irritant. He didn't know any other way to mask. There was no keeping the uncertainty he felt from F'lix.

It was also irritating him. First, because it shouldn't be there. And secondly, because they were together now, weren't they? What were they doing letting stupid things come between them? It made no sense. None of it should be important. Compared to death, none of it was important. Yet here they were, acting like kids who'd never even kissed before, all uncertain and awkward.

Arguing with himself wasn't helping much, though. His hands found his pockets as they so often did, a subconscious way of keeping his feelings from people. Then he noticed and pulled them back out again. F'lix knew his tells. Tells not unlike the need F'lix had to occupy his fingers, his eyes firmly on what he was doing and not on F'ur. This wasn't just because the older bluerider was maintaining his distance, now was it?

"He feels mostly comfortable with Lilitu," the older of the men commented, the reassurance in his tone not just to relieve F'lix's worries for Terror. "Even if he thinks she's going to eat him." A trace of his often dry humor threaded through his words. Silence drug out a little longer. Not comfortable. Anything but. Did F'lix even want him close? Stupid question, but he had to wonder. F'ur would fight anyone for F'lix, but he wouldn't force the kitten if the younger man wanted something else. Couldn't.

There was someone else. There had to be. His mind kept coming back to it despite himself, finding all manner of reasonable other explanations for what was going on. But he'd been all too transparent that night...vulnerable. F'lix couldn't really believe F'ur didn't love him just as much as he always had. The older man hadn't thought he'd need to hide it or protect himself. Would never have thought that. It made sense, though. A turn had passed, and F'lix thought him dead. Could he blame him?

No. Not really. Tell that to the ache in his chest.

Just assuming it wasn't fair, though. He had to ask. But how could you ask something like that? Silence stretched further. "Kitten..." There was a surprising rawness behind the endearment. He wanted to wrap his arms around F'lix and never let him go, ever again. Love was a terrible thing, though. "You don't have to. I want you here, but..." Not like this. He didn't say it. "I don't want you to feel trapped. If you want something else..." A tight throat swallowed further words.

[rii]

"She'd have it no other way."

No, even trying a touch of humor didn't ease the tension. Two more stalks joined F'lix's hands as he began to braid all three together. Golden eyes were set on the task, but it was still easy to note the maintained distance. F'ur was being awkward. A first. The slip of hands pockets a clear enough sign the older man was not saying something. The endearment that once made F'lix shoot playful glares at F'ur now made his heart sink; especially used in such a desparing tone.

F'ur was trying to offer him an easy out.

F'lix fingers slowed to a halt. He wanted to believe that he could get – for lack of a better term - better. That with a little time it would all come back to him and he could ease back into the happy existance he once had with F'ur. But he understand F'ur's disappointment - the reason why he fumbled with the subject and kept his distance. It made sense. F'lix just wasn't the person F'ur had once adored. Sure, F'ur had been happy and determined to be together when they first crossed paths... before he realized that F'lix wasn't.. wasn't..

Not going to cry. Not going to tear up. Not going to turn into some blathering idiot. Eyes slid to a close to ensure the mental chat. F'ur was attempting to make the process as painless as possible. F'lix could at least do the respectful thing and not make it any more difficult on F'ur that it obviously already was. 'I want you here, but..'

But. But. But.

"It's okay F'ur," F'lix cut in toward the end. He lifted his head, forcing a close lipped smile for the older man. "I understand. You don't have to.." Do this. Didn't have to make it sound like just another break up. It's not you, it's me. We've grown apart. Blah blah. Forced into the awkward conversation due to having to return Terror. F'lix hated such pointless words. "I'll be fine," Lying now. F'lix nodded slightly to his own words, quietly signaling that F'ur could leave – and willing the man to do so before he began to break down.

[Requiem]

There was a soft buzzing at the base of his skull. Like bees or hornets. His eyes had fallen to F'lix's fingers, watching their movement with a fascination borne of...he wasn't sure what. Avoidance probably. One of the traits they shared. Both were most expressive with their hands. It was why F'ur hid his. F'lix often spoke more with his hands than his words, and the older man found himself wishing like some sort of madman that he only spoke the same language. That the younger man's hands would tell him what his words and face would not. Could not.

But then he couldn't watch the hands anymore because they left too many memories. Sensory memories, of sight and touch. His skin tingled with their phantoms. F'ur had trouble wrapping his mind around F'lix's words. Okay? His gut clenched a little. Finality. He heard the good-bye behind the last three words more than he heard the words themselves. The older man frowned, his brain whispering things to him, that it didn't seem right, that it wasn't right. But he already knew that.

It couldn't be right, or fine, or okay. Not for F'ur. Yet he'd left the choice up to F'lix, because he loved the younger man, and he couldn't go back on that now. It wouldn't be right if F'lix didn't really want him, anyway. He blinked. He wasn't the type to cry, but he would have. Would have if he hadn't felt so empty. There'd been love, and there'd been rage. Without either of those he was nothing. Numbly, the man slowly sunk into the grass where he'd stood.

"Can I at least...know the lucky bastard's name?" F'ur attempted a smile, some humor, even a little bitterness...but he was afraid it sounded as thin as it felt.

[rii]

F'lix felt his inner chest painfully clench as he watched F'ur sink. All too much like a man defeated – wounded – giving up. It didn't fit. That wasn't how F'ur was suppose to react. F'lix had tried to give him a guilt free parting. He was suppose to go. Put the past behind him and forget. People always forgot while F'lix still remembered; while F'lix continued to cling onto things. It was natural for feelings to fade over time. F'lix was just.. broken.

F'ur wasn't though. He shouldn't look like that, shouldn't sound like he did..

Without realizing it F'lix had slid his legs under himself, rising up to his knees. Fingers were twisted with the half braided grass, heart racing. He managed to swallow down his concern when F'ur spoke. Slowly F'lix rested on his ankles. His brows drew together in silent confusion. The question didn't sound right. Did F'ur want him to lie about there being someone else to make it easier? Sure F'lix still had feelings for – no, just no.

"No," F'lix voice echoed the thoughts. The confusion shifting into something more familiar - anger. "There isn't anyone else. There's never going to be someone else. I know I'm fucking crazy when it comes to being too attached to-" people "-things. But give me a damn break. I'm trying to make this easy for you. Yeah I still love you but I understand that I've changed too much. Make up whatever reason you want it to be - that it's someone else - whatever. But I'm not going to lie along with it. So just do us both a favor and fucking go already. Don't have to explain anything. Not to me."

The grass broke between his hands. F'lix bite down on his inner cheek and jerked his aside to glare at the nearby stalks. Should just leave - this wasn't going to end well. A mental nudging went out to Saboth. It was time to leave. No, Lilitu hissed as her teeth found soft flesh of F'lix's earlobe. Bastardstupid hate - My fool left, lixmine will not

"Shut up." F'lix fingers curled his fingers around her tiny black body, ripping her off his ear. Felt the blood trickle down his neck but could care less as he contemplated throwing the green menace. Maybe crush her inside his palm. More hissing ensued as Lilitu sank her teeth and claws into every bit of flesh available to her.

[Requiem]

F'ur's brows knitted together, his own expression of confusion. No. How could it be no? He'd already spent time mulling over the strange reaction of his weyrmate - too much time, really - and there weren't many answers he'd come up with. If there wasn't someone else that made F'lix seem so reluctant, then it had to be...him. F'ur's chin lifted slightly. Silent refusal to give in to the desire to ask what it was he'd done, what was wrong with him. Refusal to plead with the younger man to give him a chance to fix it. Pride set in place to protect the breaking part of him from being broken any further.

But as F'lix continued, the shield he'd been building up between him and the only one who really had the power to hurt him crumbled, F'ur's face going slack. What was he...talking about? Though he still didn't understand what was going on, not really, the older man divined at least enough to realize that he'd insulted F'lix inadvertently. And whatever this was? It was something more complex than the bluerider had fathomed.

Lilitu's protest had him moving in what was some odd mix between a lunge and a motion to stand. He didn't pay any attention to whether or not the contact was wanted. F'ur simply clutched F'lix to him with a grip that brooked no argument, almost as if hoping he could restrain the flying thoughts in the same way that he wrapped himself around the younger man's body.

"I don't know what you're talking about." The words were out quickly. It wouldn't soothe F'lix, but it would make him pause. F'ur still hadn't processed everything enough to have much more than that right now. He rested his forehead against F'lix's and just hoped the younger man wouldn't fight him. "I'm sorry." Quietly. "I just thought...it seemed you didn't want to come. It was the only reason I could come up with. Anyone with a brain and eyes in their head would want you. I couldn't blame you if, when you thought I was dead..." Lips brushed forehead. "I'm glad it's not true. I'm still confused, though. What's going on, F'lix?"

[rii]

F'lix fingers flexed around the writhing salamandyr. It would be a quick end - falling down the rabbit hole Simper had left behind. Lilitu's fear momentarily startled his mind. More importantly it loosened his fist and allowed the dark green to wriggle free. Her small wings flared as she took a steep dive into the tall grass and disappeared from sight. Behind her fading fear, and growing ire, a different emotion quietly pulsed. Concern. Worry. Saboth had been a silent entity since the wasteland takeover. F'lix eyes began to slide off to the side toward the direction of his dragon..

F'ur's movements, however, had the younger rider snapping back into a defensive mode. He managed a half-step backwards, one hand swinging low along his waist. It was just a conditioned response, as was the facial features twisted into a glare; the shoulders that tensed inside the circle of F'ur's arms. Though F'lix didn't try to dislodge himself, he offered nothing but silence to the older man's words. What had made sense before not longer sounded right. F'lix was having a difficult time getting his mind to move in a different direction. How could one turn make him forget out to properly rationalize these type of situations. Didn't he use to be so much better at understanding it all?

.. And not so hasty to mentally and physicall retreat and let the convoluted thoughts have free reign.

"No they don't - you're just crazy." F'lix muttered with closed eyes. Still couldn't bring himself to properly look at F'ur. "I'm being stupid and broken." Fingers curled in on themselves to make fists, angry at himself for his next words. "I didn't want to come." If it was possible, F'lix shoulders stiffened even further with anticipation of F'ur pulling away. The rest came out in whispers, "He's right there F'ur. Right there. I want to kill him.. and I can't. Everyday it's the same. I keep wanting to know why."

F'lix eyes opened to reveal the painfully young look, a tormented age that was reflected into his tone. "Why did he do this to me?"

Shutting the vulnerability away again, F'lix planted his hands against F'ur's chest and attempted to push away. Anger wove back into his words, "How is it fair to you. Me obsessing over this. That I've allowed myself to regress back to this state. Can't expect you to pick up the pieces all over again. To fix me. It was difficult enough on you the first time. I understand that you don't want to go through it all over again. You wanted what we had - how it was. But it's not and I'm sorry for that."

[Requiem]

So tense. Everything was wrong. F'ur realized now that he'd been naive and even romantic, to think that everything would magically mend itself now that he had F'lix back. It wouldn't. There was still a turn in between those times, and all the strain it had put on both of them. The older of the men was already who he was likely to be, more stable in personality because the routes were old and worn now, so easy to fall back into. (Which wasn't to say his personality was a terribly good one. He knew he had way more faults than he did anything else, but he was comfortable with himself. There was no need to change when he didn't even like most people anyway.) F'lix was younger and more sensitive. It was selfish to expect him to be...okay.

The older of the blueriders opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again. Didn't want to come. Then F'ur really hadn't lost all ability to read F'lix. He waited, though, for the explanation, even if the admission had rendered him silent and come with an accompanying stab. It was difficult...to stomach the notion that F'lix didn't want to be with him. But not so difficult to believe. Not with the amount of distance the younger man was putting between them with just his posture, yet alone his words.

Ja'kin. F'ur was and wasn't surprised. Of course it was Ja'kin. Then F'lix was pushing at him, spewing insanity again. The older man still refused to let him go. To let him flee. It wasn't like before; F'ur couldn't just show up whenever he wanted at some later time. Giving F'lix space wasn't really an option. "Is that what you think I was doing?" His words were quiet. "Don't get me wrong, kitten. When you were happy, I loved it. But I didn't fall for someone who had everything together and never a care in the world. I fell for you. I don't want to let you go. Hell, I don't want to stop touching you. I said what I said...because I don't want you feeling trapped and hating me for it."

He let F'lix go, then. Releasing the younger man tentatively, almost as if afraid that F'lix would turn at any moment and disappear on him. For good this time. "I don't want to fix you. I don't like seeing you hurting, no, and I'm not going to lie and pretend that it doesn't sting that you want to go back rather than stay with me. Not even sure I really understand it. But you have to do what you have to."

He rubbed lightly at his arm. "Just...I'll be here. You know? Whenever you're ready to let it go, or finish it, or want to see me. I'll wait for you. And I'll help you, too, if that's what you want. Be happy to kill the bastard. Don't write me off, F'lix. Please." Yes, he was letting him go, even though it went against everything he wanted. Because some part of him was deathly afraid that he wouldn't see F'lix again if he did this. And losing him again...F'ur didn't know if he could handle that.

[rii]

Once freed, F'lix immediately turned away. He made it three quick strides before abruptly halting. It was typical of F'lix to want to storm off when it all became too much to deal with; to retreat to the solace of a quiet area to sort though his own muddled thoughts. The younger rider had never quite learned to control his own emotions. He hated himself for it - and in turn that wove anger into the mix and that never helped. But now, if he left to try and get his head on straight, he wouldn't come back. He'd be too ashamed to show his face again.

"I could never hate you," Spoke for the man behind him, but F'lix continued to gaze over the empty lea ahead of him. The words were calmer now, softer, but the anger still managed to heard. An ever expressive hand gestured pointlessly to the side as he continued. "It took me six-seven turns of wanting to see him dead for me to finally just leave Benden. I can no better kill him now than when I was younger." Just seeing the man made him feel fifteen and powerless all over again. "I hate him, but I've told you before, a part of me will always care about him."

Love him even. As much as F'lix was certain F'ur wanted to hear nothing of all this, the younger man couldn't keep it balled away forever. Not when he was suppose to be open and trusting with another. All or nothing. F'ur might be able to pick and chose what to share, but F'lix couldn't. "I don't want to be there F'ur. I don't want to keep living in my past. It's been a turn.. of remembering.. " The hand had risen to slide fingers into the back of his dark hair, the digits suddenly fisting in the short lengths to slightly pull his head to one side. F'lix had once tried to explain to F'ur – don't grab me like that.

"I've missed you. Every night." To the point where it became almost impossible to sleep when the phantom memory lied there with him. F'ur had always been a source of stability, of happiness – without the man there everything once again crumbled because F'lix was too pathetic to manage on his own. He didn't know how his weyrmate could stand it. "Yet - and you say my memory is a gift. It's not. It's a curse. I can't forget. I can't let go. It's.. I don't want to be trapped in my head again. I came here, F'ur, not to just return Terror to you.."

He probably wasn't making any sense. The thoughts came faster than his mouth could speak the last one. Trying his best was all he could do, and looking ahead to make it feel as if he was alone and talking to himself made it slightly easier. "But I don't even want you to touch me. I feel.. " What was the word he was looking for? F'lix shoulders hunched as the arm again dropped away from his hair, instead brushing along the skin of the opposite arm. "Remembering how it once was with Ja'kin.. how I was all those years.. I'm disgusted with myself? It's so fresh in my mind. How can you possibly want to still be with me?"

Fingernails pressed into the skin of his arm. He wanted the physical pain over the emotional kind. "I don't feel trapped with you - but making you trapped with me? I do. You deserve.. better. I mean that night.. your leg.. I wanted to hurt you because I love you? How does that make any sense?" The nails dug in further, hoping F'ur wouldn't be there whenever he decided to turn back around. "They say love is blind, but .. F'ur.. I just want you to see. This.. creature.. I am isn't.. it isn't something you want."

[Requiem]

Leaving. F'ur's hands slid into his pockets. But the younger man stopped, spoke. And the older of the two blueriders simply listened in silence. F'lix's mind was clearly wandering. No, not wandering. The connections between one topic and the next were there. He just never seemed to remain on one for very long. It was an outpouring. Possibly of all the thoughts that had been going through his mind of late. Maybe.

F'ur slid in behind his kitten, his arms slipping lightly around the younger man's waist. Loose. There for the sake of being there rather than anything else. He rested his chin on F'lix's shoulder, glancing down at the fingers digging into the arm and lifting a hand to cover that one. "Really?" It didn't seem much like the other bluerider wanted that.

He sunk his teeth into his weyrmate's neck, jealous of the man's attention. Should take some energy away from pursuing those thoughts and put it toward the here and now. The bite was pressure, not meant to draw blood, and it terminated with a light kiss. "I'm not blind. Nor am I masochistic. Did you really come to tell me I shouldn't want you?"

He turned F'lix by the shoulders and slid a hand beneath the younger man's chin, sliding his thumb along the line of his jaw. "To me, you're everything. I've never been happier than when I'm with you...and I'm lost without you. What you feel isn't real. I'd be crazy not to want to be with you. Ja'kin was an idiot. You can't tell me to stop loving you, F'lix." He kissed the younger man, then, the odd notion that he could pull out all these insecurities with just that kiss flashing through his mind as he did so. "You can't."

Pulling back to study F'lix for a moment, his hands didn't leave the younger man's arms. "Come away with me. It will grow distant again. You may not forget it, but what we have...that's what's real."

[rii]

F'lix couldn't stop the initial flinch at the embrace of F'ur's arms. His mind already burrowing deeper into his brooding. Until the teeth on his neck brought an abrupt halt to his thoughts. F'lix twisted around to settle a rather bemused look on the older man. It turned questioning as he was turned around, then downright accusing after their lips parted. At least the older bluerider had F'lix's full attention.

"You always do that," F'lix growled in an undertone. His eyes narrowed a touch as he shifted in the new position. His hands smoothed down his shirt, seemingly perturbed about the contact until one of those very hands reached back to pinch F'ur's backside. Proper enough response to the bite. "Make everything so simple."

It made the younger rider feel a bit dumbfounded. One moment his head had been stormed by the brooding thoughts. Yet now all he could seem to do was stare at the man before him. No, F'ur wasn't blind, but apparently F'lix had been. His hands found either side of his hips as he continued to just peer at the ex-Fortian. F'lix gaze and chin only dipped self-conscious for a second as he muttered, "Make me feel really stupid too."

After a moment F'lix finally nodded a couple of times; silent agreement to put the insecurities away and go with F'ur. "Where will we go?" Had the plan been thought out that far. F'ur never seemed the most methodical person, and this time F'lix hadn't imagined anything beyond returning Terror (and apparently the crazy notion that F'ur no longer wanted to be together). Turning suddenly sheepish, F'lix gaze kept slipping down toward the grass. His voice quieter still, "Could Terror try to call Lilitu back? She won't come for me.."

[Requiem]

A small smile touched F'ur's lips. "My job," he commented, a touch dryly. There was hardly any sense in complicating something this simple. If they wanted to be together and it didn't hurt anything to be together, then why the hell not? But F'lix had yet to agree, even if the pinch to his ass boded well. Certainly better than stiff avoidance and flares of temper.

The bluerider didn't even deign to respond to the stupid comment. F'lix was anything but stupid. The small smile turned to a broader one at the nod, the man suppressing the sudden desire to envelope F'lix in a tight squeeze as the relief broke over him. It would have been...ridiculous...to have found him again only to lose him this way. "Uh." Where. Good question.

Fortunately, the younger man saved him for fishing for it with his sudden concern. F'ur hadn't been oblivious to Lilitu...it was part of the reason he'd hugged F'lix when he did. She just was a secondary concern. Yeah...the bluerider nodded. Terror poked his head out of the man's short curls. LiliLove? Come, please. LiliLove? The blue actually sounded a bit distressed. Which made sense, F'ur supposed. She was Terror's second protector, after all, and one could never have too many protectors. Especially when one was a blue salamandyr named Terror.

Where. Rather than spend too much time worrying about that - and no doubt causing F'lix to go tramping through that head of his again - F'ur stepped close and pulled F'lix against him. "Does it matter? Away from here. Take the boys with us and maybe go looking for that hidden Weyr. I'm sure we could find it." He nipped the tip of F'lix's nose. "Jungle really isn't the place for dragons. I should know." Particularly with only one rising green. F'ur was having a fair amount of difficulty reining Ino in here lately when the Selenitas dragons Rose.

[rii]

The short utterance – uh – was all that F'lix needed to hear. He snorted softly to himself while raising his gaze. His hands rested lightly against the front of F'ur's chest, smoothing out the fabric of shirts beneath his fingertips. A small, if quick, smile was given to the older man. A destination didn't matter at the moment. F'lix couldn't - wouldn't leave without Lilitu and, despite Terror's call, he could feel her stubbornness to return. Couldn't blame her. In his anger he had been seriously contemplating killing her right there in his palm. He doubted he could actually go through with it, but..

It didn't lessen the sting to the thought.

F'lix tightly shut his eyes in attempt not to let his thoughts darkly spiral out from there, ending up squinting one eye open to view F'ur. He attempted to wiggled the offended end of his nipped nose. Listen to the man, F'lix smirked with a faint shake of head, still sounded like a romantic. The where didn't matter, only that they were together. F'lix chuckled again to himself, then narrowed a mild look on the older man. That kind of amorous logic might work in harper songs, but not here.

Albeit, F'lix wasn't complaining. The romanticizing was a trait he liked about the older man. There were many things to like. F'lix hands had moved to F'ur's arms, slowly sliding down as he shifted closer. So much that had been missed. The younger hesitated only a moment - long enough to ask himself why he needed to restrain himself - before he lightly nuzzled against the warmth of F'ur's neck. Lips parting at the end to let teeth graze over the skin. F'ur was his. F'lix hands continued to drift, slipping over F'ur's, only for fingers of one to seize around the ring and begin to carefully work it free. His F'ur.

"What hidden weyr?" F'lix softly asked, too loathed to move away. Oh he hadn't forgotten about his unhappy mindmate, but a quiet nudging from Saboth let him know the green had joined him in the shade. Playing the fussy woman and pretending to be gone to make them all concerned. F'lix didn't let the musing linger for long. "Saboth hasn't been very talkative since Snarly left." Privately he wished that Innocenth's absence was the cause for his dragon's silence. There were other factors involved, but maybe having Ino back around would stir up some life in the pale blue.

Will not, Lilitu hissed privately to Terror. Ungrateful. All go and leave Lilitu with such mess. Did best, hear? Not easy. Should thank Lilitu for keeping dungbrain around. Flyer too. All want to leave like Simper. But do Lilitu get thanks? No.