Secrets of the Past (Sel'n

[dragon]

Dorava was in a horrible position, but promises were promises. She couldn't go back on them, least of all to herself, or to her dragon. The problem was, she didn't have any friends to turn to for help, either, and this was quite possibly one of the nastiest things she could have gotten tangled in. Quite bluntly, if things were going to go smoothly at all, she needed help.

Help that was no where to be found at all. It was depressing really. She didn't even dare speak a word of it to anyone trying to find said help ... for how was she to know that they wouldn't turn around and rat her out, making the worst possible outcome come forth?

It was that way with everyone. She scratched on Valiant's head lovingly the blue pooled up in a pocket she'd sewn onto the hem of her work shirt. The blue mandyr's head and one front paw was sticking out of it, eyes squinted shut in happiness.

You could go ask Kaaoloth's. Aonith intruded, tired of the brooding.

"You're out of your mind. That man wishes the ground would open up and swallow me whole. Why in Faranth's name would he even want to help? He'd be one of the most liable to rat me out.[" Dorava answered, leaning back onto the stone wall that ran along the side of her furs. The only reason she felt comfortable speaking aloud: she was in her own weyr, and no one could possibly hear. No one even really knew she had a problem, and she preferred it that way too.

I don't think it is as bad as that. Aonith answered. At least go visit him, see how things lay. You don't have to confide if it's not right.

"And to what reason, praytell, should I blame such an impromptu visit on?" Dorava asked.

Aonith huffed, tilting her head upward. Friends cannot pay visits for the sake of it? Figure it out yourself. I'm going to go visit Inocenth. With that, the green turned and slid off her ledge into flight, freshly oiled wings glimmering in the sunlight as she glided away.

"And Faranth knows what you see in that dragon." Dorava grumped, heaving a sigh. "Well, Val, looks like it's me and you now." She remarked, which prompted the other mandyr in her life to start spitting and hissing from across the room. Rolling her eyes, Dorava answered "And you too, Love."

This sated the green for the moment, and the scrawny excuse of a creature scampered over to slide into Val's pocket too, sitting on the crippled blue's back.

"Hey, you can't do that." Dorava pulled a spitting again Love back out of the pocket, as she scooted off of her furs. Might as well go do something productive. It wasn't like she had anything better to do, and it was more of an idea than she'd been able to come up with. Besides ... sometimes Aonith was just right. Setting the green on her shoulder, Dorava walked out of her weyr and down the hall.

It didn't take her long to get to the door that was Sel'n's, where she paused and waited for a moment. What was she going to say? Shards, this was worse than awkward. Of course, he could always just close the door in her face again, if he was even in there. It was the answer she was expecting anyway. But Aonith wouldn't let her live it down if she didn't try.

So with some gloomy trepidation, Dorava lifted a closed fist to rap on the door. Returning her hands to her pockets she waited patiently. Val chirped with interest, shining little eyes all lit up. This was where Vanity lived! Excited, he wriggled a bit in his pocket.

[Rei]

“Get off me Harpy. Go bother Lust.” Love you cripplemine. “You love him more.” Mebee do. “I knew it. Oh woe is me.” Sel’n exclaimed in a false hurt tone before purposely allowing himself to fall backwards onto the bed. “Twist the knife in deeper won’t you. You spiteful bitch. Eat my heart.” Was yummy. Vanity purred as she scampered down the bedpost to leap onto the brownrider’s bare chest. Once there she proceeded to lick his chest and nibble the skin above his heart. Chuckling Sel’n grabbed her and brought her to his lips so he could kiss the top of the mandyr’s head which earned him a bite to the lip. “Love you to harpy.” Love you mooooooore.

Knocking interrupted the odd display of affection between the pair and Sel’n quite promptly dropped his pet earning him a very huffy. Still is idiot. “Yeah, yeah I know. Remind me later.” Giving a sidewise glance to the dragon couch he saw Kaaoloth’s tail flicked idly clueing him into the fact that the large brown was only dozing. The fact that the dragon hadn’t said anything meant that Kaao also hadn’t been expecting anyone. The only one who dropped by randomly anymore was Kalierre. However it was still a bit early for the dragon healer. In all honesty even Sel’n should still be asleep. Sighing the brownrider grabbed his cane and limped for the doorway. “I’m coming. Hang on a moment.” He yelled loud enough for the person on the other side of the doorway to hear. For moment he debated grabbing a shirt and then shrugged it off shorts where good enough.

Making his way over to the door Sel’n swung it open and blinked. “Dorava?” She looked nervous and was it any wonder? Their last meeting had been when? Awhile now. Things had been awkward at best since the ‘baby incident’. Upon the table behind him he heard Vanity croon a greeting. Val come visit? How nice. Turning to look at his pet the brownrider raised an eyebrow and then waved the greenrider in. “Well come on in then. I don’t make a habit of turning away guests. I think I still have some klah in the skin on the table should be warm enough.”

Limping to the side to allow the other rider to enter he shut the door behind her and then gestured to the table. “Go ahead. Help yourself. It’s not poison I promise.” Giving her what Sel’n hoped wasn’t an awkward smile he limped over to the table. “You haven’t been around in quite awhile. Is everything okay?” The brownrider had no illusions that she was here for anything other than some reason. She hadn’t stopped by like this for months after all.

[dragon]

Dorava was struck speechless at how nice he was, inviting her in and everything. She managed a smile and nod as she stepped through the doorway, only to be assaulted by an offer of warm klah. Which did, truthfully, sound quite good. Especially since it was still rather cool outside. "Thank you, I think I will." She followed him to the table, noting that he was using a cane now. She couldn't help but wonder what had happened to him, though she could spot pretty quickly it was his knee that was bothering him. She hadn't spent those turns working in the infirmary for nothing.

But for now she forewent asking about the obvious injury. She was not only aware that men were funny about such things and perceived weakness and things of that nature, but it also felt awfully nosy of her. Especially seeing how she was already intruding. So, maybe later, if things went well, she might inquire about it. If it was possible to ask and not insult.

Sel'n was most perceptive, and it sort of bothered her. Diving straight at trying to find her motivation for coming and seeing him. She smiled crookedly a bit, and shrugged. "Is it that obvious? Things in general are okay, but not completely. I just thought I'd come see how you were. If it was okay. We didn't... exactly ... part ways on the best of terms. And I wish to apologize for that." Dorava said, sincerely. Even though she had not known she was going to before that moment. She did mean every word of it though, acknowledging that her own bullheadedness was what had ruined that acquaintance. Normally she went out of her way to be nice to folk, and make sure everything was hunky dory.

But she'd wanted that child so bad she could taste it, and wasn't willing to part with it. Only to lose it anyway. Fat lot of good all that bullheadedness had got her.

Val chirped, and wriggled in his pocket again, both front legs hanging out of the pocket now. Hello prettylove. Best Vanity love. Come visit, never forget. Come more often if could~ he apologized profusely, quite sad that he could not move around on his own. He got around a few inches on his own pretty well, with what had become some really burly shoulders for a blue mandyr. But even that wasn't going to get him far enough to go visit the heart of his desire.

Dorava picked him up and dropped him back into his pocket, both to keep him from spilling out and to conceal him from Vanity. The last thing she needed to feel was his amorous tendencies for Vanity, who in turn translated into Sel'n. She wasn't going to insult the man again.

"You don't have to forgive, and I don't ask it of you." Dorava added. "I just ... wanted to let you know I have seen the errors of my ways." For whatever that was worth.

[Rei]

As Sel’n limped his way to one of the cabinets to fetch a few mugs he noticed Dorava’s eyes on him but he didn’t ask. Was probably noting the limp. Which was probably normal. Acquiring the before mentioned mugs he returned to the table. Easing himself into the chair opposite the greenrider he stayed silent as he poured the klah. Pushing one of the mugs towards her with a light smile he nudged Vanity off the sweetener container and stirred a spoonful into his drink, motioning for his ‘guest’ to help herself. As she finished the brownrider cleared his throat and took one slow sip of his klah to let the words sink in a little. Finally he raised his blue eyes to Dorava the expression in them searching. Inwardly he debated for once without either Kaaoloth or Vanity weighing in in some way or another.

Finally Sel’n smiled and shook his head. “It’s a little obvious yes. You looked awkward and troubled. To be honest I was past the point of expecting us to continue any type of relationship.” Folding his hand around his cup the brownrider shrugged at his own words. “But you apology is accepted. You where emotional at the time and you clearly wanted the baby. I was far less than supportive and well obviously things got sour. For my part in it I could say I am sorry but it would be a lie. It was never anything against you Dorava. I just have no desire to have a child. The situation was awkward at best. You did what you felt was right. I think we both learned a little through that situation. I do however apologize for whatever emotional hell it put you through.” Raising his head the older rider offered the greenrider across from him a light smile. “Faranth knows I have little in the way of friends. If you are willing to look past that incident then so am I.”

Vanity frilled from the table top and practically preened under the attention. It was always welcome of course. Her subjects could fawn over her all they wanted. Crooning she rubbed against Sel’n’s knuckles. Is best. Val smart. Good Pet. Yes the little blue always had and would be a good slave. Her Lustking agreed. Before his harpy could get any ideas about tugging the little crippled mandyr’s heartstrings however the brownrider picked her up and transferred her to his shoulder, with an apologetic look for Dorava’s benefit. “Some things never change eh?” The rider said with a chuckle indicating his mandyr.

Picking up his klah he took another sip. “I’ve been doing alright as well. I guess. Injuries aside of course. I’m a Wingleader again now. So can’t say it’s all bad.” Although it had sure looked that way for awhile.

[dragon]

Dorava accepted the mug of klah, wrapping her hand around the warmth of it gratefully. She forewent any sweetener though, feeling that while she did like the taste of it, she hardly needed the extra energy. It would be entirely bad if she got all hyper and started babbling random stuff. Offering a small smile of thanks, she sipped the warm liquid, enjoying the sensation as it warmed her insides, the aroma filling her sinuses.

"Thank you." She remarked, still quite sincere. "I appreciate that, quite a lot." She cupped a hand over her pocket, keeping Val inside it instead of flailing to get out. Offering a small laugh, she could only nod. "Some things never change. Even after everything he's been through, he's still quite enamored with your pet." Dorava acknowledged. "But at least he doesn't talk endlessly about her, thank Faranth. If he did, I'd be driven right out of my mind."

"Wingleader? Congratulations Sel'n. I hope your wing does well by you. More than headaches and all that goes with." She grinned. That was one thing Dorava was glad she would never be saddled with. Wingleading. That was just too much responsibility for her failure-prone self. Shardit, she could hardly keep her own dragon and self out of trouble and in one piece, how would she be able to head up a whole wing of dragons? Thankfully, she'd never have to find out. Thank Faranth for the big favors as well as small ones.

She shrugged a little bit and nodded, gaze wandering around the place. It was nice to know that she hadn't made an actual enemy out of Sel'n after all. Especially since she did rather like him. Calling him friend was a tad far fetched yet, but ... at least she could be assured she'd never repeat the same mistakes over again with him.

"I did want a child." She admitted, in a small voice. Still did. But she was beginning to wonder if having a family of her own was too far fetched of a dream for her. For that particular dream did nothing but stir up trouble.

[Rei]

Upon his shoulder Vanity frilled with a twinge of red coiling through her eyes as Dorava covered the pocket. This cut her off completely from her blue slave. How dare she! On top of that the woman was stealing almost all of the attention from hers. This could not be tolerated. Before she could do more than half form thoughts of biting Dorava though Sel’n had grabbed her. Tightening his hold on her enough so she couldn’t escape he nodded along to his companion’s words all the while searching for somewhere to put Vanity.

She would shriek no matter what but last thing he needed was her trying to bite the greenrider in uncomfortable places. Kali or Lust was teaching his pet some very bad habits. “Don’t know why in Faranth’s name anything is enamored with her. She’s a right sharding pain in the ass half the time. I don’t see why Lust finds her so appealing.” The entire time he spoke the brownrider winced as his lovely little harpy sunk her tiny fangs over and over again into his hand. Sharding hell but that still stung. Like getting stabbed with needles over and over.

Finally the brownrider settled for dropping her into the jar of sugar and shutting the lid. Ignoring the shrieks, death threats, and random insults and cussing coming from the container of ‘sugar’. Sel’n gave a light shrug and a warm smile. “Thank you. I rather think I’ll do alright. Actually if you don’t mind there are a few pairs I wouldn’t mind you showing a thing or two if you are up for helping me once or twice?” Now that he thought about it Dorava could help out some of his greenriders and a few of the blueriders to. If she would agree to such that is. The possibilities where good if she would agree to at least a lesson or display or two.

The older rider fell silent as the greenrider gazed about the room and he took another sip of his klah as he waited for her to speak again. Quite unexpectedly the sugar container had quieted and was no doubt planning horrible ways to get back at him. Damn and the afternoon had been so promising to. Ah well. Nothing for it now. Dorava’s quiet and small voiced caused Sel’n to look back at her a flash of perhaps mild concern drifting through his eyes.

“Did want? Is that to say you don’t now?” He questioned softly head tilting as he regarded the woman. Most females he had come to know did want a baby at some point or another in their lives. The brownrider was actually surprised to realized that he felt a tiny bit bad about possibly taking that dream from her. Silly as that sounded even in his own mind. Aww you do have a heart. Shut up and go back to bed. The adults are talking now.

[dragon]

Dorava watched with some alarm as Sel'n and Vanity suddenly erupted into war. What over she couldn't fathom. But at least Vanity was out of sight now? She took her hand off Val, who poked his head out again, searching for any sight of the green of his adoration. Vanitylove? Where go? he asked curiously, as Love scampered down Dorava's arm to land on the table. Creeping toward the sugar pot, Love acted like it might bite her at any moment, but the youngling was clearly curious about it. That and she was just so confused. Val kept running her name into another word she didn't understand!

"Sure. I can do that. So long as it doesn't conflict with my rather immovably scheduled stuff. Wing duties and what not." Dorava shrugged slightly, quite happy to know she could be some help. What help he thought she could offer, she didn't know. But she was willing to try. "Just let me know when, where, and what, and I'll do my level best to be there." She did understand that this was another wing they were talking about ... something else that was rather hard to flex. But there was a key difference. He was leading his wing, she was not. So he had a tad more control over that sort of thing.

"Did, do, whatever." Dorava shrugged slightly. "It's giving me a world of trouble and I don't know what to do about it." She sighed, aware that she was probably going to end up confiding anyway. He'd been part of her last shenanigan... whatever that counted for. "My problem is that I keep merrily finding myself with fellows who don't." She stuck out her tongue for a moment, before shaking her head and taking on a different posture.

"Another reason I'm here, and Faranth help me, is ... I wanted to ask your help. On that topic actually. And no, before you go getting upset, I'm not asking you to knock me up." Dorava hurriedly added. "I learned my lesson there. I just ..." she trailed off for a moment, trying to gather her thoughts again. Make them make sense.

"You see, I find myself in the self same pickle again. I'm talented that way, you know. I think ... if I'm not mistaken, cause I'm not a hundred percent sure yet ... I might be pregnant again. And, again, by someone who would rather not know me, much less reproduce. Sooo ... I'm kinda in a pickle. I know the logical thing to do is hop aboard Aonith and go sight seeing. But ... I sortof kindof made this promise ... to myself. To Aonith. That sort of thing. You know, if a body can't keep promises to one's own? So I'm sharded if I do, and sharded if I don't." Dorava explained. "Aonith had an idea about it, to insert some doubt into the whole scheme of things, so that I don't get in over my head with him. I should go hang out with some other fellow, she said. But I don't have a friend I can turn to, to create that facade." she paused again, realizing how that sounded, and then hurried to cover her tracks again. "I don't mean ... anything ... by that mind you. I just ... I don't need ... oh shardit. This is coming out badly isn't it? I just need some doubt shone on the whole deal. So, you know, he can't say for sure what I'm up to?" And come rip her head off for it.

She'd already long ago and gone accepted that she was not going to find an actual partner in crime. She still wanted a child though, fully aware she'd probably be raising it all by herself. But she didn't need open hostility about it either. Which seemed to be all she was stirring up. Dorava just needed someone to go hang out with, who wouldn't mind a few rumors. That did not have to be true. Just to throw ambiguity on the whole situation.

But in telling him her problem, Dorava was also highly aware that she was placing everything in Sel'n's hands. He could easily turn her away, which she actually expected. But he could also blow her wide open with it, and she'd have no chance to do anything. Not only would the unintended sire know, but everyone else too, along with her devious plan to try and cover the whole thing up in mystery to try and escape repercussions. So in asking for help from Sel'n ... or anyone ... she was throwing her fate to the winds and hoping to land somewhere more favorable than where she was at.

Sel'n did tend to make sense as a choice in the ruse, because at one time they had had the whole baby dustup thing. And people knew about it. But on the same coin, it had also been quite aware that Sel'n hadn't wanted that. So it would be kinda odd in rumor that he might let her try that prank again, even if he had never actually in truth touched her.

Sharded if she did, and sharded if she didn't. It was becoming more and more apparent to her that she should just ... let it go. Stop trying to swim upstream. But, Dorava being Dorava, she had to try, even if it meant going against the grain and all that happy horse stuff. For a body without a dream was not alive.

[Rei]

Sel’n managed a wry grin. “Splendid. Let me know your time schedule and I will work around you for those lessons. Will be well worth it. I’ll let you know what I need as soon as I get a feel for their abilities currently.” Idly tapping the side of his mug he regarded the sugar container with a distrustful look. Being far to quiet. Thinking. You trouble when I out. You think so huh? Not think know. The brownrider chuckled at the venom in his mandyr’s tone. It didn’t matter to him that she had broadcasted the words openly. If anything it amused him more. Silly little harpy. Dorava’s voice drew him back from his private world of amusement. There was something in her tone that worried him on some level.

Giving the greenrider a concerned look Sel’n paid strict attention as she began. The beginning was a touch confusing but her plea for some sort of help was clear enough. The older rider almost chuckled in fact as she flailed a little about not asking him to knock her up. Silly woman. He didn’t think she would ask that. Or rather hoped she would do that. So what was the problem? As Dorava explained at length Sel’n fixed his blue eyes on her and strove to filter through and understand all she was saying. Finally thinking he had a base idea on the matter at hand he cleared his throat and retreated inward to his own thoughts for a moment.

“No it isn’t coming out to badly. Alright Dorava. Tell me something. Clear a few things up for me. Who is the father? Furthermore what do you want me to do to help.” The older rider’s vice was soft and factual. More to try and get her to relax a little than anything else. If she wasn’t willing to impart that information there was little he could do as far as making a decision in whether or not to help. Nor could he give any real advice to help without knowing the whole realm of things. Although he had a suspicion.

Kaaoloth snorted in a tired manner from his ledge. She is with child again? Yes. It seems she believes so anyway. Aonith rose recently yes? The brown rubbed his head against the stone couch. Yes. The winner was Inocenth I believe. You don’t think? It is possible? You are glad I did not see fit to chase now aren’t you? I decline comment. As the mental conversation drifted away Sel’n took another sip of his klah and patiently waited for a response. As he waited the brownrider’s eyes drifted over to Dorava’s new green mandyr.

Right sickly looking thing she was. Vanity would have a right good time making fun of her. Good thing she was currently indisposed. Asshole. In response Sel’n tapped the side of the sugar container with his spoon earning an angry hiss. Love you harpy. Claw out your eyes ugly cripple.

[dragon]

Dorava closed her eyes for a moment, trying to sort out her own thoughts. Remember everything he wanted, so she could get back to him on it, try not to distract herself with what it was he might want her to do with his wing ... and figure out how to answer those most awkward questions. Brows sliding together on her forehead, she sighed silently and looked at him, setting the mug down again. She wasn't drinking it anyway. Too busy spilling her guts. To someone she wasn't even entirely sure would help her and not turn her out in the cold. Would serve her right if he did.

"F'ur." She said, clearly not pleased with the name or the person attached to it. She really did want as little to do with the man as possible. She had too many unkind memories revolving around him to want anything to do with him. Much less get saddled with his kid. "I am pretty sure that if he found out he'd knife me. Or break my neck, one." He'd already busted her nose and almost busted her head when he'd randomly turned up in her weyr. F'ur definitely wouldn't be as nice about it as Sel'n had been, and Sel'n hadn't exactly been nice. At least all he'd done was yell at her.

Of course, she was asking an awful lot, on many points, of Sel'n right now. The biggest of the lot probably asking him to get involved in a situation that also had F'ur involved in it. She couldn't honestly blame him if he decided the best course of action was to throw her out and never speak to her again. But, there was one more question he had asked, that she felt obliged to answer. It was a fair question.

"What I need, is the facade of someone else potentially having donated genetics to my child. Not factual, just an illusion. I know, that's a tall order... but in action, initially ... I guess all I'm asking is for you to let me come here occasionally at the end of the day? I can throw a fur down in the washroom or something, so I'll be out of the way. After that ... just keeping the illusion intact long enough to get things settled down. I don't think he'll come after me if there's doubt to the parentage." Definitely a tall order. But, as she'd said earlier ... she didn't exactly have many friends, and certainly not any male ones. She'd already tried to create a simple facade with one of the weyrfolk, but the fellow had just snorted at her and wandered off. Dorava had to wonder if she was that repulsive in personality that she couldn't even get a weyrfolk's attention, real or otherwise.

Talking pot! Love exclaimed, jumping to an alert pose with her head all the way up with wings and frill flared, feet flung to all four corners of her stance.

Bad baby. Leave Vanitylove be. Vanitylove bestest, no eyeclawing needed. Vanitylove always bestest. Val issued quickly, trying to divert Love's attention and calm Vanity at the same time. His greenqueen was all upset and it pained him to know it, wanting to do something to make her happy again. It was a sad thing he couldn't go over there and lift the lid off. Set her free.

Dorava herself was a tad too immersed in other things to really care much what the sugarpot was saying. She was all to familiar with the strange quirks of 'mandyrs, and as with a lot of people, learned that often times they were better off ignored than indulged with more attention.

[Rei]

Sel’n’s attention drifted away from the sugar container and the little mandyrs conversing with it. It was actually a kind of silly obsession but the brownrider had grown to actually like mandyrs now. They where amusing really. Like little people and sometimes far more interesting. He got a kick out of watching them interact and now was no exception despite the topic of conversation. Still Dorava did deserve his undivided attention so almost with reluctance he turned from the mandyrs and fixed his eyes back on the greenrider.

Folding his hands around his mug he listened to her speak the wheels in his head continuing to turn long after she had finished. Finally he spoke his voice carefully absent of any emotion that might upset her. “Look Dorava. I understand your situation. I do. However if I am to understand this correctly you are trying to trick F’ur so you can keep the baby? For what? The fear that he will knife you or break your neck. You do understand this is not Benden don’t you? Do you really think your Wingleader or our Weyrleader would allow something like that to happen or let it slide if he did attempt anything?” Quietly he trailed off. Fact of the matter was whether she liked it or not, it was highly likely F’ur would find out one way or another. News traveled fast in a weyr and people where observant by nature if not now then soon someone would know something. Besides that the brownrider rather doubted F’ur would do anything of the sort as far as breaking necks was concerned, and he rather thought he had a base idea on how the bluerider operated. With a tired sigh he ran a hand through his hair.

“To be honest Dorava I think he has a right to know. Whether you like it or not he is the possible sire. Not telling him for whatever reason is just wrong. F’ur deserves to know. Whether he wants the kid or not. Yes there is a chance he will react badly and then at least you know. If it makes you feel better I am sure you can get S’rei or someone else to accompany you. Skirting around the truth of the matte like you plan to do isn’t probably your best option.” Shrugging Sel’n looked back at her and offered a tired smile. “That’s my take on the situation. I don‘t give the best advice a lot of the time and you are free to take it as you will. But I can’t help you with this plan of yours.” Couldn’t help because not only was it badly thought out but Sel’n didn’t believe in being that deceitful. At least not anymore, especially not with F’ur. For all their past problems, issues and history he still valued the man on some level. “Sounds as if you don’t much like F’ur anyway. So the next thing I’d hazard to ask is why keep the babe at all?” It wasn’t as if there weren’t plenty of holders that would jump at the chance to have a tryst with a dragonrider.

Vanity upon realizing that what was going on outside of her own private cell was quite serious fell completely silent for about. Oh maybe five minutes. Val right. Best is. Eyes must claw. Bad cripplemine. Fail. Ass. Sharding moron. Let out. Out! Out! Sel’n didn’t even twithc as his mandyr continued to rant instead his eyes stayed focused on the greenrider in front of him. She had a lot to think about.

[dragon]

Dorava sighed. He was right. And she knew it. Morally, he was right. So far as everyone else was concerned, he was right. But to do things right for everyone else ... was it right to do right by everyone else when doing so was doing wrong to one's self? She had given so much, more and more, she couldn't help but feel it was high time something went in her favor. One of her dreams be fulfilled. Was that selfish? Maybe. But really.

"I know." She answered, dejectedly. He'd said no, and she really couldn't blame him. Not one bit. Not on any point. Honestly, she'd expected no differently. It was just the way things went. "Why?" She answered. "I thought you knew why. No, I'm not happy that my child might also be F'ur's. But ... what else have I got? I don't exactly have fellas lining up for my attention, Sel'n. Since you, there's been two. Two. Both of them because they had no way of wiggling out of a flight." Yes, she had a less than nothing personal life. Not even her dragon could help her get a life of her own. "But why ... really why ... Sel'n, I want someone to love, someone to love me. I want a family. I want that. And the only way I can hazard seeing my way to that, is to have my family. I know, that's kind of underhanded way to go about it, but ... I don't have anything else. Shardit, I don't even have that. I come from a family, see. I remember how it was. I was taken from my family, and thrust into this war ... this war of ... hate, revenge, killing ... I miss the love. The trust, the hugs." Dorava looked away and down. Was she really so unthinkable for it? For that desire? In a dragonrider, of all people?

"As for F'ur ... of course I believe he would. And could. And get away with it. I'll have you know that man dropped into my weyr, kicked my lunch off the ledge, and beat me up. What happened for it? A slap on the wrist and getting removed from Weyrling Mastership, so far as I can tell. Maybe I'm wrong. So do I think F'ur wouldn't blink twice at coming after me for any perceived slight? Yes. I do. And I really don't stand a chance in fire of getting away from him either." She answered, with just a tad of steam under the collar. Yeah, she was still a tad bent out of shape from that attack. Aonith might have forgot it and moved on already ... but Dorava remembered it all too well. How much it had hurt, and how little she could do about it. Besides, if it did come down to an altercation, the blame would be landed square on her head, not F'ur's. Because she had instigated it with her selfish behavior. No one ... obviously, especially not other males ... would blame the bluerider.

Breathing a sigh she let it go again, determined to not let the frustration get the better of her. But in the end, all that said, she still couldn't counter the sense that Sel'n made. Heart sinking, she realized that if she were to go on living, really, in any kind of semblance of life, she really only had one option. That being to sever all chances of a dust up with F'ur over anything, and give up her dream ... again. Though the way things were going, she wasn't sure she was going to try to take up the mantle again. Losing hurt too much to keep trying to swim upstream. "I ... I'm sorry." She looked over at him again, and tried to smile but ultimately failing. "Thank you for your council, Sel'n."

Getting quite upset by the alarmingly fast downward spiral of Dorava's emotions, Val couldn't help but get stressed out a touch, especially when Vanity resumed talking of maiming things. No, not. Bad. Vanitylove, not be maiming. Not Vanitylove, Vanitylove too special for eyeclaw. Vanitylove not step low, yes? Vanitylove? Valiant stressed, trying very hard to talk her out of the idea. Too many stressing females, too many. Valiant didn't know what to do with himself. Love, on the other hand, scampered over to the sugar pot and clambered up on top. Looking around, she sniffed the edges of the lid, claws ticking around on it as she moved.

Out? Is in, yes? Love asked.

[Rei]

Sel’n tilted his head in Dorava’s direction and was quiet as he listened to her speak. Oh he had opinions and thoughts on what the greenrider was saying. It just didn’t make sense for him to interrupt her. Not yet anyway. Reaching for the skin on the table he poured himself some more klah, deciding to forego the sweetener so that he didn’t have to mess with Vanity. She rightly deserved her little time out anyway for biting him like she had. Not that locking her up improved her behavior. At all. Needed to find some type of way to get her to stop sinking her teeth where they did not belong. However this was a problem for another day and time. Now he had a rather upset greenrider at his table.

First things first. He decided to answer her one point at a time which might prove to be difficult. Blasted females and their rants. Why did they tend to repeat, not listen, and generally expect dramatics to cover all points? Hopeless gender really. Sel’n almost had the desire to shake Dorava until she was ready to listen correctly. But no that would do not good so he settled for keeping his voice steady, calm, and soft. “I guess my point Dorava is you don’t like F’ur. Why have his baby. Aren’t you afraid you will resent the child for who is father is? Chances are at some point in time the child will want to know his father. Is it fair to F’ur to raise his child in a way that clearly tells the child how much their mother detests their father? If you want a family and I do believe you do. There are ways to go about it easier Dorava. You really should talk to F’ur. You don’t really know him do you? His reaction may surprise you. Worst thing that could happen is he does get pissed. Then your options are limited.”

The older rider spread his hands and shrugged. “Everyone wants to be loved Dorava. Sometimes at different levels. I am happy with my small family.” The brownrider tapped the sugar pot and gestured with his head towards Kaaoloth who gave a soft croon. “Trying to force it won’t work hun. Life is what you make of it and all that happy shit they like to tell me. Perhaps in ways they are right. Families can be made up of different things you know and yes it is a shame but war does destroy. All we can do is play with what we are dealt.”

Hmm Mindhealermine. You should take your own advice sometimes. Sel’n twitched at that and fought against the urge to roll his eyes. Yes I might except you make me mental so it would do no good. You wound me deeply…. Oh get off it. A rumbling laugh came from the couch as Kaaoloth rolled off it and crooned sweetly to Dorava before making for his ledge.

Sel’n outright blinked on her opinion on F’ur, a light smile coming to his lips. It wasn’t that he entirely doubted her story he just was of the opinion that there where two sides to every mark. Besides he knew F’ur and well yes the man could be a outright nut at times. But really as far as being violent. It was almost always warranted in some way even if only in the bluerider’s mind. Diplomatically he stayed silent and just slowly nodded. “Again I wonder why if you detest the man so you wish to have his offspring. I understand wanting a baby Dorava. However I think you let your emotions cloud your judgment a little too much.”

There was part of the brownrider than honestly felt sorry for her in a way. She was obviously upset but being male it was rather hard for him to wrap his mind around her issues completely. Still he gave her a soft smile. It was very apparent she was upset. “Don’t apologize Dorava. You have nothing to apologize to me about. Just think on what I said before you make a decision.” He all to well knew that females liked to be ruled by emotion alone. It never ended well in his not so humble opinion. Take Vanity for example.

The green mandyr was quite fed up by this point but had given up on yelling at Sel’n. Instead she privately spoke to the two mandyrs. Her voice deceptively sweet. Val right. Not sink low. Vanity pretty best. To Love she practically purred. Yes. Let out please? And when she did get out oh there would be hell to pay.

[dragon]

Dorava sighed again. Really, how petty did he think she was? "Sel'n, why would I go through all this mess to get something that I really really want, only to mistreat it because of something like parentage? I really don't care. My child will be my child, and nothing will change that fact. I wish to have a baby. Not specifically his baby. At this point in my life, I really don't give a shard who the sire is, so far as the child itself is concerned. I'm about to reach that point in my life where it won't be safe for me to try having a first child. So no, I'm not being picky. It's the dealing with the ... all the drama ... around it that is bothering me. I don't want my attempt at love to be born in a cloud of hate. Do you understand?" She shrugged, slightly, and then shook her head.

"I don't need this kind of upheaval." She grabbed hold of her elbows for a time, looking at Sel'n. "And you're right ... I probably do let my emotions get in the way. Especially on this topic. And ... I know, forcing things doesn't work. But sitting on my ass waiting for things to happen doesn't work either. I have to work toward what I want, same as everything else."

Want. Probably a key word there. Was that why she always failed? She was hung up on what she wanted? Did she want it? Or was it a need? Probably it was a want. Since she was existing without it, it wasn't imperative to her life continuing to the next day. So it was a want...

Open! Yes. Can. Love agreed, clawing at the edge of the lid. Catching her little talons under the edge, she hauled on it for all she was worth. For a few seconds she continued in this fashion, before Val chirped at her.

Must get off lid to move it. He reminded, eager to see Vanity again.

Love meeped in what might have been embarrassment, the little scrawny green turned around to place her back feet on the side of the pot, instead of standing on the lid. Catching her claws under the lip, she prepared to pull again - only to get snatched up by Dorava and trapped inside the greenrider's hand. Noooooo!! Bad! Not trap! Bad! Must save! Must open! Openopenopen! RAWR!!! Love thrashed, on the verge of switching over into her little evil imp personality. Dorava just held her a little tighter, taking away more of her space. Which in turn elicited a high wail from her hand.

"I know what I've seen of him. That's enough for me." Dorava answered, on the topic of whether or not she knew F'ur. It had been alarmingly consistent, so she saw no reason to second guess her notions. If she saw anything different, then maybe she would start getting a different picture. But people didn't tend to operate off what they had not seen. They operated off of what they had seen. Experiences had a funny way of shaping lives, like that.

"...if ... if and when my child, whoever's child it may be, asks about their lineage, I would tell them." She answered. "Straight up. I would not cause such a bias as that. Different people get along differently. I, clearly, don't get along with hardly anyone. Other people, make friends everywhere they look. I am not going to make judgments for others, or manipulate. It's not my place to dictate that." Dorava clarified. "If said father did not know they existed, I would include that data. If. But only so they know more in general what to expect should they go seek him out." She shook her head slowly. "I am not a bad person, Sel'n. I just ... I ... I get tired of getting kicked around."

[Rei]

Sel’n again feel silent mentally weighing Dorava’s words. Part of it didn’t make much sense to him but who was he to question the woman? Clearly she had her heart set and it would be hard to sway her now. Instead of arguing further the brownrider nodded. “Yes. I can understand your position Dorava. I just have my own opinions on it. It’s hard for me to wrap my mind around your line of thinking right now.” No doubt because in his mind he was being the rational one. It all made more sense to him clearly as he was outside the situation. Still it was very clear that arguing with Dorava would gain nothing. So silent Sel’n sat sipping his klah and listening to her speak.

The failed attempt to rescue his harpy was greeted with an amused smile. Silly things. His attention returning to the greenrider Sel’n nodded. “Dorava I never have said you where a bad person. I don’t think you are. I just think you should consider telling F’ur.” Her opinion of him aside the bluerider really deserved to know. To have a chance to make his own decision. Not that there was all that much he could do about it. Choose to be part of the child’s life or not.

Sel’n had gotten that option. It was only right that F’ur got the same one. “No one likes to be kicked around Dorava. No one. I don’t blame you for your opinions. Faranth knows I have enough of my own.” In many ways Sel’n felt sorry for the greenrider before him. Even if he couldn’t quite understand her desire to have a child. There where plenty of things that had been ripped from him in his lifetimes after all.

Vanity finally gave up on her attempts at escape and merely curled up dejectedly amongst the sweetener. Careful the nasty little female was to absorb each and every word. Gossip had many uses and perhaps through words she could find a way to get back at hers for his injustice. Yes. Her Lustking would help her form a sufficient punishment. Of that she was sure. Thus comforted the green flicked her frill in the darkness and tapped the walls of her prison before speaking to the two mandyrs outside. Try is nice. Vanity approve. She purred to both her slaves. Perhaps soon chance try again? Or so she hoped.

Sipping his klah Sel’n regarded Dorava again while mentally making plans. Much to do little time to do it. In the end it came down to his own views. Perhaps in a way that was selfish. But well Sel’n had never pretended to be anything but selfish. There was no comment from Kaaoloth besides a mild feeling of disproval. I fail to wonder anymore why you cannot keep friends.

[dragon]

Dorava shrugged. "I'll consider it. No promises." she answered, making sure to not let Love go again, even if she was throwing a literal hissy fit inside her palm. "I really don't like interacting with F'ur, but ... you know that."

Men, they were all so difficult. So ... strange in the head. Never understood, really, when she tried to speak to them. Not that she particularly had any better luck talking to women, but that was beside the point. The one she ended up dealing with were also all weird in the head, too boot. Most of them were of strange persuasions, and the ones that weren't ... were claimed. Didn't it just figure.

Val sighed, in his pocket. If only he were still whole. He could dash over there and rescue Vanity before Dorava even knew he was gonna move. But ... that was a very long time ago. It really was a miracle that Val even remembered being whole. Mostly the only reason he remembered that far back was cause of Vanity ... he remembered chasing her, and doing his best to win her affection. Nevermind he failed. Utterly and completely. He was still convinced of the notion that he just had to keep trying to persuade her, was all. Persistence, right? Would try more. But can't. he answered her wistfully.

"I ... should probably get my pets out of here before they start a revolt or something." Dorava mentioned, feeling sick to her stomach over the whole affair. Val's loving tendencies toward Vanity were getting harder to deal with, adding to the sick feeling. Why was it that such things came so easy to her pet? Love was about to go on a rampage herself, as well, adding a whole other conflicting emotion to the pot, which indeed did not help her current state either. How in the world Val had managed to weasel Love into being his legs of action, she had no idea. But ... it wasn't a good thing. At least not where Vanity was concerned. "Thanks for the klah, and the ear." Never mind the one mug of klah she'd had was just barely touched, and probably quite cold by now. "I guess I just needed someone to talk to."