Further Guidance? (Kali

[dragon]

Dorava put down the armload of jars she was carrying, one jar at a time. Carefully, so as to make sure she didn't drop a single one, and waste the usefull contents of each. Herbal concoctions, the lot of them ... none of them she'd made herself, but she'd been asked to fetch them by one of the healers, so she had. That errand done, she dusted her stomach off a bit from the dust that had accumulated on her shirt. The tugging on the fabric that came with the patting down of it woke Valiant up, and the blue mandyr stuck his head out from under her collar, on her shoulder. Giving a sleepy peep, he blinked at the infirmary at large, before tucking his head back under the collar.

Dorava smiled at him and then turned to make her way back across the infirmary, dodging other healers, staff, patients, and strewn items. Things seemed to be a royal mess of late, but there was not much she could do about that other than struggling to keep up with the mess. But that was not her mission at the moment ... no she had other things on her mind. Dorava picked her way all the way to the office, and upon reaching the door, she knocked on the frame a few times, peering inside to see if Kalierre was in there.

Dorava really hated to bother the woman, knowing how busy she was and all that. But she did have a few problems that she wasn't sure how to remedy. And who better to ask than Kalierre? Dorava just hoped the woman was in a good mood today, and wouldn't bite her head off just for showing up.

"Hello?" Dorava asked, politely. "Kalierre? May I talk to you?"

[Requiem]

Stupid dumb bigmouth, Lust murmured to his humanpet in disgust, rubbing himself up and down her neck absolutely shamelessly. Ever since the attack, the salamandyr had become even more possessive than ever before, and this was particularly true as Kalierre herself was concerned. "Oh, hush. It's better than attacking candidates." He shook himself, half-flaring his frill in clear disagreement. Bigmouth chase Lust munches. Stupid, stupid. Mindheal RaeRae eversmile see bigmouth. Make bigmouth better, yes? Kalierre snorted. "Yes. Because of all of us, it's definitely Phremath who most needs a mindhealer."

I almost got it this time, Mine! The green wriggled in her excitement. She was withing sight of the infirmary had Kalierre chosen to venture out onto the dragonlanding, playing along the bank of the river. Technically, she was chasing a particularly colorful butterfly. Phremath resembled a young canine in her exuberance, particularly since she was pulling her awkward pounces so as not to squash the poor thing. I'm sure you'll catch it soon, love. Oh, I won't let it beat me! I'll catch her and she'll be the beautifulest mini-flutterbye ever. Kalierre shook her head. She got more playful when Phre was about to rise, and Phre herself grew competitive...about playing games and catching butterflies. Quite an odd arrangment, to be sure.

The dragonhealer, remarkably, was the center of peace in the infirmary. While everyone else bustled about, their nerves frayed utterly thin, Kalierre got all the assignments, shifts and supplies in order - really for the first time since she'd come to Selenitas. They finally had enough staff, and she finally had people listening to her at Healer Hall and responding with what Selenitas needed. Glancing up at the questioning voice from the door, Kalierre wrinkled her nose, though there was something in her eyes that indicated that this reaction was more teasing than actual. "Still here? I would have thought you'd been scared off long before now. Come on in, warrior. I've got a few moments to spare before I drop in on the apprentices by surprise and cause them to piss themselves."

If her last statement hadn't been so crude, Kalierre's demeanor might have even been described as friendly. No, she still didn't really think that the greenrider was...very smart. The attack only added to that impression. But Dorava was brave and loyal of her own accord, both traits Kalierre could appreciate, so the ill will was mostly gone. If anything, the dragonhealer merely pitied her poor mental faculties and otherwise found the woman refreshing as one might find a child.

"What did you have on your mind?"

[dragon]

Dorava's brows ooched up her forehead slightly for a moment, before lowering back to thier normal spot on her face. Kali hadn't bitten her head off just as soon as she'd seen her. Amazing! Maybe today was a really good day after all? Dorava straightened off the doorframe with a crooked grin, and stepped inside the office properly. "Stubbornness." She admitted. "Or is that persistance?" She asked, lightly. "Yeah, I'm kinda still here." Dorava nodded a few times. Warrior, eh? That ... was an interesting thing to get called. But it sounded like a compliment, so Dorava was glad for it.


But before the seeming good mood wore off, Dorava moved on to what she was really there for. "I can't find any new material to study." She admitted. "I've been reading everything I can get my hands on for ... months now. I started that back when I joined the staff, and kept it up until last night." Dorava explained. "Granted, I know that study of written texts and tomes only learns a body so much, and the rest is hands on experience, but I was looking to get a leg up, if you will. I really want to learn this craft. And ... well ... I was mighty surprised when I ran out of new material to read. I thought there was enough stuff there to last a lifetime of reading." Maybe her reading skills had sped up over the span of so much practice? She didn't know. Or maybe the assimilation of said information made following information easier to understand? "What I wanted to ask was this: do you have anything to suggest that I look into? Or something else that I can do to expediate my learning? I really want to give this my all, any time that I don't have to spend doing my rider duties."

[Requiem]

"Chairs aren't meant simply too be looked at."

Her labyrinthe of paperwork was confined to just one side of her office, apart from the chairs, in a sort of compromise with R'wign who liked everything filed. She couldn't find a thing that way, so she wasn't going back to files, but at least one half of the office had clear space to walk through. That should cut back on his complaints (even if in this case they were silent ones).

Kalierre's brow rose in mild questioning. "You found the time to read everything on healing Selenitas has at its disposal," she repeated flatly. Her expression was wholly unreadable, and somehow the scars that slashed one side of her face stood out all the more starkly for it. "That's quite a task. And how, do tell, did you manage to acquire access to the archives' private rooms?" Her instructions had been specific; Kalierre didn't want to risk certain, important volumes going missing. Of course, as like as not Dorava didn't even know of those. They weren't advertised, after all.

"No matter." She cut Dorava off perfunctorily before the greenrider could answer the earlier question. Either the other had managed to bribe the archivists to show her something she shouldn't have known about at all, or she hadn't touched those rooms. Either way it didn't matter. "You've been working with the healers here. Continue that. I'm afraid I don't really understand your question, to be honest. If you wish to learn more, learn more. No one's stopping you."

Indeed, no one was at this point. Kalierre might be many things, but an ingrate wasn't one of them. If her next words came across condescending, it was rather unintentional. "It takes turn upon turn for healers, fully immersed in training at healer hall, to reach the rank of even a junior journeyman. It took me seven. Savitri is only a senior apprentice, as are a good number of the decent healers here, and you've had considerably less training. Impatience won't make the time go any faster. Keep in mind that hands-on training is the best way to learn and that all of those here are familiar with the system of training up new healers. I can't learn it for you. If you want things to go faster, you'll have to discover how to accomplish that yourself."

[dragon]

Chairs weren't meant to be looked at... That was a decidedly odd statement. As far as she had been aware, Dorava hadn't been looking at the chairs. So ... did that mean not to look at the chairs? Or was that an oblique invitation to sit down? Coming from Kali, Dorava really had no idea how to take that statement. Everything was really just so ... strange. She shifted her weight from foot to foot for a breif moment, trying to decide what to do. Finally, she slowly moved deeper into the office and took a seat in one of the chairs. Maybe, just maybe, Kali was practicing being human?

Dorava opened her mouth upon Kali's question, but closed it again even before Kali said nevermind... She was just stunned silent. There was more? Hidden away? In the Archives? That was a ... strange thought. But then, she really should have expected that. Every craft had thier secret files. But to have healing tomes locked away in the Archives, so far away from the Infirmary that they were totally useless? It didn't make much sense to her. But ... the knowledge that those tomes did exist made her feel better. The material she'd read had just seemed ... so incomplete. Which was why she'd gone looking for more. By the time she'd sorted through all these thoughts and could formulate something to say, Kalierre had already brushed the question aside and didn't want an answer. And Dorava was not going to pique her ire by answering anyway. Though now she was really curious what was in those files.

She listened intently to what Kali said afterward, and then nodded quickly. "I understand, ma'am. I really do. I just ... wanted to give this all the effort I can. A half assed effort ... well ... it's half assed." She shrugged, minimally. "I just ... wanted to make sure I wasn't skipping over something that I could be doing. That's all. Or studying." She folded her hands in her lap, away from some of those precariously looking stacks of papers and whatnot. "I understand it takes time. I do. And I'm willing to give it that time." Indeed, Dorava understood why people started apprenticeship at the age of twelve. It just took so long for anyone to learn the ins and outs of everything. She ... she was way behind the curve, starting her apprenticeship at twenty five. "I was only looking to see if you had suggestions, ma'am."

[Requiem]

To say Kalierre was amused was putting it mildly. Vacuous as ever, it would seem. Oh wait, wait, there it was. The woman got the hint and finally sat down. The dragonhealer was just trying to be polite, in her own brusque way, but Dorava was one of those who would probably need to be told directly. Well, she could do that too, she supposed.

The shocked expression was even more amusing. Clearly the greenrider had no idea of the scrolls filling two of the rooms in the archives, from floor to ceiling. And those were but a small percentage, all that remained of a vast consortium of knowledge that would be forever lost. Much research had been done on dragonkind during the early turns after Thread disappeared, a good deal of that in the south where firelizards and wild whers could still be found in abundance. The information, though sadly quite incomplete, was priceless. There was no way she would keep it in the infirmary where any stray apprentice (or patient) with grubby fingers could paw through them.

And if she had they would have been lost to the fires of the siege. Was it really so difficult a concept to wrap your mind around?

Oh Faranth above! Ma'am?! "First suggestion? Stop calling me 'ma'am.' Makes me feel like an old crone, so just reserve that for the ever-absent master healer, if you please." Kalierre was in a good mood, such as that was, but it didn't change her basic personality. If Dorava wanted her honest opinion, she'd get it, with no punches pulled. "Everyone learns differently. Me, I kind of...grasp things from the outside in. Other people learn by going through things step by step, over and over. Find how you learn best and use that to your advantage."

Leaning forward, she fixed Dorava with her dark eyes. "Other than that, I'd suggest you work yourself to the bone, in relative silence. Coming in here like this smacks of desperation - no, don't interrupt or attempt to defend yourself. I'm merely saying it seems that you want me to know how much more you're doing because you hope it'll speed the process of your being acknowledged as a healer. If that is your intention, it won't work, and if it isn't, you'll want to change your behavior so people don't get that impression."

Leaning back, she folded her hands before her. "Anything else?"

[dragon]

Stop calling her ma'am. Alright ... simple enough. "Then what would you rather I call you?" Dorava asked. Better to be safe than sorry. Especially as there was many different titles that Kalierre could go by. Which, if any, did she prefer? Dorava didn't know ... so she asked. Just to be sure.

Again, she listened to what Kalierre had to say, at first Dorava merely nodded in agreement with little to say. But at the last, she did start to protest, holding her tongue only until Kalierre asked if there was anything else.

"Yes, there is something else." She said, quietly, seriously wishing to tell Kalierre off. Her presumptions were way off base and had never even occured to Dorava. But as much as she wished to, she held her tongue on the matter. "Thank you. I appreciate the advice."

[Requiem]

Kalierre regarded Dorava in what could only be termed amused disbelief. Was it really so hard to call someone by their name? The dragonhealer clearly wasn't one to stand on tradition or ceremony. That should have been obvious to even the most dull-witted.

When she spoke, there was a decided patronizing slowness to the words, as if the greenrider didn't feel this other woman would understand unless she spoke at that pace. And this was the truth. "Kalierre works well enough. If you must bother with titles, Weyrdragonhealer or dragonhealer will work fine." Such an odd person, this other greenrider. Docile and combative by turns, on occasion she even seemed almost intelligent. Then the dimwitted act. Was it an act? Well Kalierre knew that some (if not all) female dragonriders from Benden had to play at various games for their own health, and certainly if they wanted even the tiniest bit of power. If that was what Dorava was doing here, however, she really didn't understand. It was unneccessary.

As was the excessive formality at the end, a formality that Kali suspected hid unease. Well, she wasn't about to ask Dorava what her problem was this time. "This isn't Benden." The statement was rather oblique, but Kalierre felt it was understandable enough. The need for formality did not exist here, not with her. Continuing to eye Dorava in what could only be termed as the same morbid fascination one might watch a dying insect, she finally asked, "If that is all, as you say...why are you still here?"

[dragon]

Dorava nodded. "Alright. I will remember that." She answered, peaceably. Even though she did not like the tone and measure that Kalierre was taking with her. She wasn't a child that spoke a different language. Or worse, an idiot. But it was not an issue she was going to raise with Kalierre … Kali was boss, she was going to do as she saw fit and no one could tell her otherwise. Dorava was just glad that Kali wasn't screaming at her yet.

Though she did wish that someday Kali would clue in that Dorava was not one of the types that was always in the subterfuge and underhanded games, posturing for power. She simply was not cut of that cloth. No tricks, no games. Just honesty. Always having to second guess what others would think when she said something was getting old … and it was difficult, since she really didn't understand the thinking. The lack of comprehension of such … evilness … was part of why she'd never gotten off the ground at Benden.

This wasn't Benden. Dorava nodded, as she rose from the seat she'd been told to take. "I am aware this is not Benden, but some days it sure is hard to tell the difference. If you will excuse me, dragonhealer. Thank you for your time." She said, with remarkable calm and ease, as she turned and headed for the doorway.

Always holding her tongue and caving to other's wishes had kept her alive at Benden, and she found she was having to fall back into those same habits just to get along here at Selenitas. Had she merely jumped from the frying pan to the fire when she'd moved?

No … no, she hadn't. Here, at least, Aonith got the care she needed, the care she deserved. Here, she was at least allowed to study. Even if she still had to pretend to be the meek yes-woman. One of these days, it was going to break her. That or one of the times she couldn't hold back her tongue would get her knifed, one or the other.

All she wanted, was Aonith's good health. To the Redstar with everyone else!

[Requiem]

The dragonhealer was remarkable swift when she had a mind to be - perhaps because, since she absolutely refused to take fellis, the pain of moving with no regard to her leg wasn't really bothersome. Just more of the same, as it were. Catching the top of the chair, she extended an arm, the twisted cane that was K'von's amateur (but precious just the same, since it was made by him) attempt coming to bar the doorway.

"Too timid to stand up for yourself, but not to leave with a parting shot, is that it?" Kalierre's eyes flashed in irritation. If she'd wanted a teenaged attitude, she'd seek one out in the appropriate place: a teenager. "If this were Benden, it would not be me you'd be answering to...and you wouldn't be daring enough to mouth off to the man you did find yourself under. Clearly you've forgotten where you came from if you can make that sort of comparison in all seriousness. And I do not appreciate the comparison."

By this time she'd come to circle around Dorava, meeting the other greenrider's gaze squarely. It was difficult to truly offend Kalierre, but she had ample reason to hate Benden. (Now more than ever.) Dorava's statement was enough to work her into a fine temper, a proddy Phremath chasing butterflies just outside or not. "Of course, if you want me to provide a taste of Benden in miniature here just for your delight, I think it can be arranged." The cane came up to prod the other woman in the gut.

"Let me explain something to you. I spent seven turns playing the game, nodding meekly and wheedling my way into a position of relative freedom, at that weyr. I know the game. You can't fool me with that half-assed act you insist on putting on. Frankly, unless you put more effort into it back there, I doubt you fooled a living soul. They don't care, though, as long as they can control you. Why do I act the way I act here? First, because I can. There's no reason to hide at Selenitas. But secondly, because I present my true self to my healers in a way no one else but my weyrmate sees, and I expect the same courtesy in return."

Stepping closer, she got right up in Dorava's face. "Keep playing victim all you like. I'm not going to stop you. But just know this: I know full well that idiots don't survive Benden for long. As long as you insist on insulting my intelligence and insulting my trust by presenting this ludicrous front of yours, the most you can ever expect out of me is cold politeness. It is your decision. Now, unless you've something actually worthwhile to say, get the shards out of my office."

She stepped aside to let her pass, the dragonhealer herself pale from pain and passion. The woman rarely got so worked up, and blamed it on Phremath.

[dragon]

Dorava frowned deeply. "Even a curr learns to not growl when they repeatedly get beaten for it." She countered. Stand up for herself? She wanted to. Oh, she wanted to. But there wasn't any point in it. All it led to was even more misery. Even here, at Selenitas. It seemed that ever since she'd left her father's cothold so many long turns ago, she simply was not allowed to be herself. Ever. Sometimes she wished she hadn't been raised to be such a free spirit at heart. To have grown up with the idea she was worth something.

"I know what it was like at Benden. I spent a long time there. I never got anywhere there for the same reason I don't get anywhere any other time. I don't play those games. Ever. I can't. I do not play at anything. I do what I have to do, to get by. To survive. To take care of my own. Of the only living being this side of the Red Star that gives a cracked shard." Dorava said, shoving the cane away from her midsection. "I do what it takes. And what I do, I give my all. Now if you think that means I am out to gain some power or position or whatever ... sure, go ahead. Think what you will. Cause no one can change your mind. Certainly not me. Or what anyone else thinks for that matter." As she spoke, her voice got stranger and stranger, as her throat tightened, in an effort to keep control. To not yell. To not explode ... to not completely lose it and make matters entirely worse. Aonith needed her to keep her cool. It was bad enough that she was saying these things. She shouldn't be, in all honesty. She should have just bowed out, kow towing as was expected of her. But there was a limit to what she could take.

"All I want." Dorava stated, taking a slow breath, trying her best to stay in control. "All I want ... is to be able to take care of my dragon. I don't care about positions, or power, or titles. I just don't. It's not worth a sharding cracked shell. I am sick and tired of the threat of losing my dragon. So I come here. And I learn. With all the energy I can put toward it. Only to be accused to making a scene or trying to gain favor. Or whatever by Faranth's name you think it is I'm doing. I don't care! I am here to learn. I am here to ensure the future of my lifemate! I would have thought you ... a dragon rider ... would understand something like that! The pain of the threat of loss. But no ... all you do is throw at me how my dragon is always wounded. Don't you think I know that? I am not happy about it either! That's why I'm here. I want to change that. I pulled her out of the war, as well as I could. I got her to where someone could help her! Something I could not do!" Realizing her fists were balled up tight enough she was cutting her own palms, and realizing that she was gaining volume despite herself, she forced herself to relax. Calm down. Tone down. Turns of practice helped her greatly in this ... Turns of living in a place where she wasn't allowed any kind of self thought.

"I came here ... to talk to you." She said, quietly again. "Because I had done everything I knew to do, on my own initiative. I came to you for guidance. For help. And you turn right around and accuse me of this underhanded runner hockey. That smacks of something they would do. We are here, because we don't like the way they do things. So why do things the way they do things? It doesn't make any sense! We don't have to descend to thier level! We are better than that." Dorava pulled a breath, slowly. "Don't you see?"

"If I wanted to taste of Benden, I would never have left. Don't insult yourself in such a manner. It's unbecoming of you." Backing off a step from where Kalierre was standing, Dorava rubbed her temple, frowning for a moment before heaving a slow sigh. "I meant what I said when I said some days it's awful hard to tell. Some days, I just keep running into things that people do, that remind me of there. Of them. Some of the things people say, some of the things people do. Some of the crazy shells you put me through. Do you really think I go around deliberately harming my own dragon? That's rather insane, don't you think? If you truely thought that, I rather think you would have put me down a long time ago. And since you haven't ... why are you acting like this? Again, it doesn't make any sense. Unless you just get some sort of perverted satisfaction out of making people just as miserable as they can possibly be. And if that's the case ... just what kind of healer are you, anyway?" Dorava asked. But her tone was light and completely non offensive. Making herself stay calm had swung her totally in the other direction. Instead of bordering on being raging mad ready to thrash someone (which was bad), she was going right back into passive mode again.

"There's no reason to hide, here. You say." Dorava said. "You're wrong, there. Every time I be me ... bad things happen. You won't let me be me. You are all the reason anyone needs, to hide. You, Kalierre ... Mistress Dragon Healer ... you are a scary person. And when you get all nasty, the scary factor only gets worse. In my case, it's even worse. You hold what I want most. Personal freedom. To take care of my own. So I have to play into your will, to be the good meek little apprentice that you want. You say jump, I don't even ask how high. And then you pull something like this, chewing me out for trying to do just that. I, more than anyone else here, has to cater to you. And you don't even like me, which makes that even harder to do. Never mind how rational or irrational that might be! If you want me to be me ... then try not slapping me every time you see me. Alright? Then maybe I can start to be me again. Because, for sure, if I thought I had half a chance of surviving standing up for myself, I surely would. There is little I detest more than having to go along cowed to everyone else's wishes. But my dragon comes first. And to keep her alive, I have to stay alive. I have to take care of her. And since she has this interesting tendancy to get wounded ... that puts me here. At your mercy."

"Yes. I know becoming a healer takes time. But I'm not neccessarily interested in becoming a healer. Do you understand? I don't want the credentials. I want the knowledge. And yes, I am aware it takes time to get that knowledge. But I am willing to do whatever it takes to speed that up. I have the willpower to do it. So I can take care of her. And then I'll be out of your hair and you'll never see me again."

Maybe even litterally. The prospect of wandering off and finding her own cave somewhere was getting more and more attractive of late. The only thing that held her at the Weyr still, was the need to learn healing, to take care of Aonith. She had no friends to hold her here. Indeed, the closest thing she had to a friend was the fetus growing inside her belly... which Kalierre had oh so pointedly jabbed with that infernal cane of hers.

"I know you don't like me. But there's nothing I can do about that. I try to get along to go along, but that is all I can do."

[Requiem]

The dragonhealer at least did Dorava the courtesy of hearing out her entire complaint, though the expression on her face was blank enough to indicate that a storm was brewing. "So. To summarize: the big bad crippled dragonhealer is very scary, particularly when she growls, you're not playing any games whatsoever, but you are playing games to get by, I shouldn't insult myself by taking offense at what I only perceive to be comparing me to those at Benden, but...I am like those at Benden. Does that about cover it? Oh. Wait. I forgot. I'm a terrible healer as well because I hurt other people's feelings. Do please add anything I missed out of all that."

She'd also quite nearly found herself in an untidy heap on the floor when Dorava pushed her cane away, as Kalierre's balance was less than good, but the dragonhealer had managed to catch herself on the chair. The circumstance certainly wasn't helping her mood any. "You don't even know your own mind, do you? The worst possible thing I can do to you is banish you from my infirmary, and if I haven't yet, it's highly unlikely that I will. That means that if you feel the need to pussyfoot around me, it is entirely your own perception and not at all based in reality. Have you seen the way some of the healers interact with me? I don't care one whit how I'm treated so long as the patients get the care they need. And I'm terribly sorry if that makes me a 'bad healer' in your eyes."

Then Kalierre smiled grimly. "Oh, yes. I don't care what the shards you think. Why don't I care? Because I know what I've done, and I know who is walking around here today who wouldn't otherwise have been. I don't need anyone else's affirmation. Just because you're making yourself miserable because you don't know how to handle me doesn't mean everyone is miserable, or even that I treat everyone the same way. Am I particularly harsh on you? Yes. You insist on acting meek and throwing little random teenaged tantrums when you feel I'm not being 'fair.'

"It's not your fault your dragon was hurt, and maybe you even made the right choice, considering how little information you did have at the time, to push her when you did. I'll concede that. In return, you have to concede that I spent seven turns repairing damaged dragons and sending them right back into the fray to be killed or torn up again. I'm especially sensitive to that sort of senselessness. Your decision was rash. If it was a one-time thing...but it wasn't. You have a habit of making rash decisions. One of those decisions I owe you my life for, and I'm not so ungrateful that this doesn't pray on my mind. But it doesn't change reality. You are impulsive, and that impulsiveness endangers you and everyone around you.

"Moreover, most people have the presence of mind not to, immediately after they've thrown the healers into a frenzy of anger at the condition of their dragon, asking to be taught how to heal. Your timing was terrible. But you are being trained here, whether you style yourself after becoming a healer in name or not, and the fact that I have removed most all of the restrictions regarding your training is the only expression of my gratitude I know how to make. Do not think, however, that this means I will be any less harsh with you or anyone else.

"This infirmary runs smoothly because my healers respect it when I frown, and desire my approval. If my approval is handed out like candy it loses value. Question my methods if you like, but this place has been turned around in the last five turns. If you want that touchy-feely feel good stuff, go to someone else. Because I'm not going to go out of my way to play nice with you or anyone else who works here. It's taxing enough to do so with patients and the rest of the Weyr. And it's insulting to you for me to play you falsely.

"Or are you one of those people who prefer lies to the truth, so long as the lies are all nice and happy?"

[dragon]

Dorava heaved a sigh, again. "You missed my point, and proved my point all in one fell swoop. You know that, right?" She shook her head. "You hate it when someone likens you to them, yet you don't change how you act. You seem to act like you think you're Faranth reborn, and demand everyone make you happy. Yet at the same time you get mad when you get that subservience. Do you know your own mind? Just what pot is calling what kettle black, huh?" Dorava asked.

"And just so you know, I waited several months before asking to work here. Nobody lives forever, you know. Just how long was I supposed to wait? I don't think it is possible to give you what you want, regardless what it is. There is no way to make you happy. There is always something wrong. Did you never learn that you can't have your pie and eat it too?"

"For instance. You claim that I'm meek and have no back bone. Which really can't be further from the truth. I just don't like making people mad, either. So it's a narrow line I have to walk. Yet when I stick up and say something, whatever is on my mind, you chew me out for speaking my mind. Or some such strangeness like that. No matter which way I step, around you, you never fail to find something wrong with it. Even if it's exactly what you asked from me. How in Faranth's name do you expect someone to not get frustrated, with something like that?"

"Yes, I prefer honestly and forthrightness. But I also like to try to make life a little easier on everyone by trying to get along. Common courtesy they call that. Except it doesn't seem to work, now does it? I have to wonder what the point is." She crossed her arms over her chest, but it was more of a just in case measure than any sort of stand offish measure. She didn't want Kalierre to jab at her with that cane again ... it hurt after all, and she had more than herself to guard. If that cane came at her gut again, she'd be better prepared to block it, now. Make that end jab into something other than her soft flesh.

She really didn't like standing there and arguing with Kalierre, but at the same time she really didn't like getting slapped around. For no apparent reason. It was all futile. And it was getting to the point where she just couldn't take it any more.

[Requiem]

"You're honestly complaining because I'm not nice to you? There are dozens of healers who work in this infirmary, and you are the only one who whines and moans about this. The only one! How ever did you even survive at Benden, being this sensitive? Why would you care if I liked you or not? You're here, getting what you want - knowledge of how to heal. You're not at Benden. If anything were to happen, there's not a healer in this place who wouldn't deny you or Aonith. What the shards do you have to complain about?! If you have everything you need without my patting you on the back, exchanging courtesies and praising you at every turn, I have to wonder why you feel the need to have those things as well. What is your angle, greenrider?"

Kalierre was coming dangerously close to revealing her true fear when it came to Dorava. It was only natural for people to think that others were like them. How many turns had Kalierre pretended at docility, projecting the humble, capable but rather vacuous front that was least challenging to the males who dominated her world? Dorava being so much of a doormat, and acting in ways that clearly lacked intelligence - in addition to the fact that she was clearly hiding some spine, as this argument showed - could only lead the dragonhealer to the conclusion that Dorava had something up her sleeve. She half-expected to find the greenrider slipping a dagger between her ribs when she wasn't looking. Paranoid much? Most definitely, but Kalierre would have killed half the people she played to back in Benden, if given the chance and the threat became too great.

"And you're clearly delusional if you think you don't act like a sharding mou-" The dragonhealer squeaked as she found herself suddenly lifted off her feet and crushed back against a barrel chest that was both vaguely familiar...and not. Writhing for a moment, she dropped her cane. "Shardit all, let go!"

The man peered over Kalierre's head at Dorava, his expression rather sheepish as he adjusted his grip on the squirming dragonhealer. "Don't mind her. Phremath's been glowing as of late." He looked like he'd just awoken, tousled and still sleepy. S'rei often gave off the impression of a hibernating bear, he did. Not too worried about Dorava's reaction to him - as, despite being pretty well-hated by northern dragonriders, the lower colors at Benden tended to like him well enough, mostly due to his weyrmate there and the fact that he wasn't at all like the average Benden wingleader - he set Kalierre back on her feet, though he didn't release her shoulder.

"What are you browbeating this woman for? You realy should take a leave of absence when Phre gets proddy...it makes you more unruly than usual."

Kalierre glared at him outright, then shot daggers at the hand that refused to move from her shoulder. "I haven't seen you at all since your weyrmate brought you here turns ago, and you dare to get familiar with me! I'll...I'll..."

Now he was smirking. "You'll what? Nag me to death? Throw a fit? You can't top Shmee, and her daughter looks to be growing into someone even worse. Get on with you and back to work." He picked up her cane and handed it to her, which she snatched with nothing even remotely resembling gratitude as she limped past Dorava. S'rei gestured to the doorway. "Go ahead. I'll cover your escape," he added with a wink, ignoring Kalierre's pointed sniff from behind her desk.

[dragon]

Dorava just stood there and stared for a moment. She completely forgot whatever it was Kalierre had been trying to say, only to look up at S'rei. Where had he come from? Seeming to sneak up on them like a ghost kitty-footing through the infirmary. Though it would have been too easy to sneak up on the two bickering greenriders, with all the yammering they had been doing at each other, completely blinded to all else that happened.

She had to admit to herself ... it was an odd feeling, to know that Kalierre didn't ride roughshod over everyone. Though, logically, she should have known that. She wasn't the ranking rider in the whole Weyr, after all. But knowing it and seeing it was too very different things. Nevermind that S'rei was a bronzerider. That didn't even register in her brain at that moment.

"Ah ... hello." Dorava said, finally, before blinking once. Restart the brain. Think something. Do something... right. Oh. She watched passively as Kalierre moved around her, and headed back to her throne of a desk. Looking back at S'rei again, Dorava merely listened to what he said, before mutely nodding slightly.

She glanced at Kali again for a moment, before looking up at him again and nodding. "Alright." She said, simply. Leaving was probably a good idea. Dorava really didn't want to fight with her, and it was rather distressing that thier interactions always seemed to degenerate into such confrontations. It didn't help any at all that it seemed neither heard a word that the other was actually trying to say. It was almost as if when they met each other thier languages did backflips or something.

Realizing that she was staring (just where was her mind, anyway?), she looked down, and headed for the door. Sliding past him, she left the office and blew a sigh, trying to squash the entirely irrational urge to blush when he winked at her. Why in Faranth's name was he winking at her?!

Once outside, she paused in her steps again, to figure out what she was going to do now. Go find someone to learn from, Kalierre had said. Back before they'd degenerated into ugliness again. Well ... that plainly wasn't going to be Kalierre, despite the months ago agreement that Kali would teach her. And she got the impression that R'wign really didn't like having her around ...

Dragonhealing was what she really wanted to learn ... the rest was kindof secondary. So that left ... E'rro. Would E'rro teach her? She had no idea. The best way to find out, she supposed, was to go find him and ask.