Fighting the Inevitable (Hinsero)

[Rowana]

Porita paced back and forth in the hall, trying to decide what she should do. They'd learned about Chases in both Candidate and Wherling lessons, but she had pushed the issue aside in her mind until now. Now she could not deny that Posk was truly a grown wher. He was still small, but she knew he eyed some of the greens from time to time. The realization that he would, like most whers, Chase someday soon was starting to settle in her mind.

With it came the growing dread of what would result. All her lessons had told her of how the wher or dragon's mind would nearly take over her own, forcing her to bed with whoever it chose. The weight of this knowledge was starting to occupy her every thought, and even giving her nightmares. She simply could not be with a man again. The very idea made her sick with fear and anxiety. She hadn't been with any man other than her husband and even the slightest thought of him made her quiver. Needless to say, her experiences with Wrohnol had not been pleasurable, at least not for her.

Posk had tried to assure her not to worry and that, as he put it, It would be sure all would be well. Even so, Porita was trying, and failing, to come up with ways to avoid what was quickly becoming impossible to prevent. What if she locked her door? Would there be enough warning? Would she hurt herself if she couldn't get out? Oh why did having lovely Posk by her side have to be marred by such a thing as this!

[Ruby]

Hinsero and Hinsesk were coming back from the mines - another small tremor had cut the night's work short, although this one hadn't caused any collapse. Nautic just wanted everyone out until he figured out what had caused it. Regardless, the grimy, somewhat sweaty Wherhandler had his jacket slung over his shoulder and was headed back down into the apartments when Hinsesk pulled up short. He was looking down the hallway, clearly seeing something that Hinsero couldn't without his wher's night vision. "What?" Hinsesk shook his head, turning back up the hallway. His should go on down to the apartment, Hinsesk wanted to rinse off in the river first. He would be right back.

Shrugging, Hinsero continued down the hallway, whistling. Maybe once Hinsesk was back, he could have him see if Ithanna and Iwyrth were awake, although he doubted it. It was hard, dating a day-person; good thing they had a few infirmary shifts together. Once he completed the final turn, however, Hinsero saw whatever Hinsesk had seen. "Porita?" Was she pacing? That couldn't be good. Maybe that was why Hinsesk had taken off? Well, if she needed someone to talk to, Hinsero figured he was a pretty good choice. They had been close as Wherlings, or as close as Porita would let anyone get. Reaching out to put a hand on her shoulder, Hinsero physically pulled her to a stop. "What's wrong? Are you ok?"

[Rowana]

Porita nearly jumped out of her skin, though she really aught to have expected it, pacing out in the hall. "Oh! Hinsero, I..." Porita blushed deeply and shrank away. She did like talking with her friend, but this problem was so personal. Besides, nice as he was, Hinsero was a man himself. Would he even understand? Maybe she aught to ask Ximera or Ithanna if she could find them. "It's...ah...nothing," she started, tugging her skirt nervously. "That is...I..."

Posk nudged her mind. What was she afraid of? Hinsero and Hinsesk were good friends weren't they? Porita sighed. Maybe if she changed the subject, they could talk. "Has Hinsesk...um...looked at any greens yet?" she asked nervously. Was that the right way to put it? Whers weren't quite like humans and how did she ask delicately?

[Ruby]

"Nothing my arse," Hinsero said, a slight smile and light tone taking any sting out of the words. He let her stutter on, though, endlessly patient. Heart was absent tonight - she had been more often than not since Soul's hatching, just like the phase she'd gone through after Hinsesk's - but Soul popped in from Between to cuddle up on Hinsero's shoulder, cooing at Porita in a seductively soothing way. Hinsero tried to shoo her off, but all he accomplished was moving the Green to his other shoulder.

Porita's question took Hinsero aback, however. Blinking for a moment as he sorted out what she was asking, he pulled his brows together, thinking. "I don't... if you mean has he chased, no. He debated when Yosk ran, I know, but I don't think he was quite ready? Also... well." For a second, Hinsero shifted, looking as uncomfortable as Porita, which was surprisingly rare for the big, gentle Handler. "I guess you could say I'm not ready either. I mean I am, but, well, I'm not sure how to put it. I wanted to wait," he said, glancing up the hallway. Part of him didn't want to discuss this out where all the Handlers could hear, but now he wasn't sure if Porita might be more comfortable in a public place. "Do you want to go for a walk out in the forest? We can talk."

[Rowana]

Porita looked down a bit saddened. She hadn't meant to make Hinsero uncomfortable too. He always seemed so strong and confident, she hadn't thought anything could phase him. She was suddenly aware of how exposed and vulnerable she felt. At least she might not be the only one nervous about Chases. She had always assumed the other handlers and riders were just strong enough not to be bothered. Maybe they also had fears and misgivings. Nodding quickly, Porita agreed to the suggestion of a walk. With Hinsesk and Posk to watch out for them, it should be safe enough.

Part way from the Apartments, Porita tried again. "I'm afraid," she said quietly, barely above a whispered. Posk was teaching her to be more honest with her feelings, but it was hard. "I haven't...not since..." she stopped, swallowing hard. She couldn't say it. Just thinking about it made her sick. "I'm sorry. I'm sure you'd rather not talk about this." She slowed her pace, wondering if Hinsero would want to go back. Maybe she should find a woman to speak to, one of the other healers. Hinsero could always tell her who else could help.

[Ruby]

Glancing down as they started up the corridor towards the surface, Hinsero smiled, all discomfort melting away now that he'd gotten the words out. "Ah, no, don't look so sad, Porita! Everyone worries about their first Run, well except maybe people like Piden, or Yoalla. I bet they looked forward to theirs. Everyone else, though, they're just as worried as we are." Reaching down to squeeze her shoulder as they passed out into the relative 'light' of the night, lit by the full moon, Hinsero fell silent again, letting Porita talk.

Clasping his hands behind his back as they walked, Hinsero's brows pulled together for a moment, then smoothed out again as Porita slowed down. "Don't be silly," he chided her, waiting for her to catch up. "I mean, if you don't want to talk to me about this that's fine with me, you're welcome to find someone else. I know it's personal. I'm your friend, Porita, I want to talk to you no matter what the subject is!" Hinsero being Hinsero, of course, he just kind of assumed that she'd want to keep talking about it - she seemed upset, after all, and Hinsero was bound and determined to make sure that she was no longer upset before she left him. If that meant changing the subject, so be it, but for now he'd power through.

Deftly sidestepping a potentially awkward silence, the Brownhandler picked up the pace slightly, heading for the trees. "So you're afraid? Don't worry, Great Faranth will protect you... I was worried, too, until I realized that. She'll guide us towards the right path." With a kind of sideways smile, he added, "Just 'cause I know that doesn't mean I'm looking forward to it. I mean, I just don't know what to expect." As Hinsero paused slightly, something clicked. "Wait. Did you say you haven't... since? ... Have you? Done... it?" Nicely subtle, Hinsero.

[Rowana]

Porita's face went an uncomfortable shade of scarlet. The conversation had been going so well. She'd even started to feel that it would be alright to talk to Hinsero about this. If anyone might know how she could handle the fear, he might. Then she'd gone and open her mouth to mention the past. She'd barely talked about it at all, even with her closest friends. She should have remember that she wasn't so old to some people's eyes. Really though, she was over twenty turns now, it wasn't that surprising was it? She glanced around, debating running back to her room to avoid the issue, but she knew she couldn't keep running. Her husband wasn't likely to ever find her here, after all, was he?

Porita looked down at her shoes, clenching her hands tightly. "Yes," she admitted quietly. "With my husband, he..." he voice choked. Was it so hard to talk about him even now? She wasn't sure what terrified her more. The fact that he'd tried to kill her, or the nightmare that he might return to finish the job. "He...wanted a son," she managed to get out. "I...I couldn't...so he..." Porita swallowed, looking helplessly anywhere but at her friend. She left the thought hanging, but he couldn't probably surmise what happened. The treatment of woman in the North varied by Hold, but it usually wasn't concern with their personal rights and comforts.

[Ruby]

"Oh, no!" Hinsero said, taking a bigger step so he could slide in front of Porita, putting a hand on each of her shoulders to keep her from running away, then lifting a gentle finger under her chin so she had to look at least vaguely up in his direction. "Forget I said anything," he said, sounding genuinely distressed. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to bring up... bad memories?" She was talking about her husband, after all, but she didn't seem to have a lot of happy memories of him. Still, he didn't want to offend or distress her any further by making assumptions. He was well aware that marriages in the North had little to do with marriages in the south; it sounded like Porita's was not the best.

Letting her go, he spread his arms out from his sides a little, almost as if he were asking for a hug, but his eyes lifted slightly towards the sky. "Great Faranth must have turned her gaze from him..." Dropping his eyes to Porita again, he added, "I'm just sad you got caught in the crossfire. No one deserves that. At least she brought you out of there, and eventually here, to me." Practically glowing with faith, Hinsero put a hand back on Porita's upper arm, squeezing slightly. "You don't have to worry about Runs. If Great Faranth isn't watching over you, I will be. Now, do you want to get everything off your chest, or do you want to change the subject? Either one is fine with me."

[Rowana]

Porita tried not to pull herself away. She didn't really want to run, but this was all very uncomfortable and personal. Besides, wouldn't Ithanna be angry if she found out? She knew Hinsero was only be kind and she didn't think of him that way, but she hated the thought of coming between them if they cared for each other. She was almost relieved and disappointed at the same time when he let go. She wasn't sure about Faranth, but something had brought her here and let her meet Posk. She just wished the costs hadn't been so high. Her hand went to her neck, but her thoughts were on her poor Jipth.

She bit her lip, daring a glance at his face. He said not to worry, but was it really that simple? Then again, did she want to keep going with this train of conversation. Part of her, and Posk, wanted her to get all the pain off her chest, but the other half was terrified to relive it in words. She'd hardly told anyone anything about her past. There was the rider who'd picked her up, but she barely remembered him and Hinsero was the only other one she'd told about her husband. "I think..." she began, inwardly torn between the two choices. "I just wish...he would stop haunting me," she choked out. "I still see him...when I dream...with that knife...and..." She shivered, shaking her head quickly to clear it. His eyes had been so cold and heartless. She'd never loved him, she knew that, but to see him look at her like she was less than wothless had almost made her believe she deserved to die. It had been terrifying and in the end that fear was what saved her. That same fear had kept her silent for over a turn later.

[Ruby]

This was not Hinsero's area of expertise. He dealt with happiness, mostly; women who had just given birth, delivered a healthy new baby into the world. Occasionally, though, a birth wouldn't go so well, and he would have to comfort someone. Alright, then, he would work with that mindset. Porita's half-tortured confession just made it easier. Hinsero's brows pulled down and drew together as she spoke, and he shoved his hands in his pockets. "Porita..." he said at some point, then trailed off to let her finish.

When she was finished, though, he shook his head, reaching out tentatively in an attempt to snug her into his side, just for a moment. "Porita, that's horrible, I'm so sorry. I had no idea." He trailed off, reaching out momentarily for Hinsesk, asking the Brown to check in with Posk, to make sure his Handler's distress wasn't leaking over to the blue. What should I do? he asked the brown, too, to which Hinsesk typically replied something along the lines of Everything in moderation, Mine. Well, that was incredibly useful. "Is there... is there anything I can do? Would it help to have someone stay with you, maybe, so you know that you're safe even when you sleep? I can see if Ithanna can, if she has night shifts in the infirmary, or I can send Hinsesk. You're safe here, I promise." A big promise, maybe, but Hinsero wasn't just making it to Porita; he was making it to Faranth, too, and Hinsero kept his promises to Faranth.

[Rowana]

Porita welcomed the hug for a brief moment, taking comfort in knowing Hinsero was only being a good friend. Posk purred into her side, woofing at Hinsesk. He was alright, only a little worried about Porita. He was confident though, that all would be well. It always was, wasn't it? His sweet Porita just needed time and more friends! Porita let out a long breath, visibly calming even as she pulled away a little.

"No, no, I don't want to be a bother. I'm sorry." Ithanna was probably busy and Porita was already self conscious about getting so close to her boyfriend. Hinsero would need his wher with him too, so that wasn't fair. "I have Posk, and I know now that he can't take that away from me." She managed a weak smile at Hinsero before looking down again. "Thank you. For listening."