Tell me when I’m gonna live again (Tags K’sel)

[Rei]

It played over and over again in Erilena’s head. The entire turn. Still no matter how hard she tried to think of something else…he never went away. He was the first thing she thought of in the morning and haunted her at night. And when the greenrider finally did get some sleep due to exhaustion, dreams where not infrequent. It was the waking she hated. Four days now. Four days without so much as catching a glimpse of R’ven and she would be lying if she said she didn’t want to see him. She did. But it wasn’t something she could allow herself. For his sake more than hers. Instead as Erilena meandered in her absent wanderings, she ended up in a mildly familiar hallway. Familiar because it was where she had lived and worked for the past six months.

Did her brother have to reside in the same wing of weyrs as R’ven? Apparently yes. Fate liked to rain on her it seemed. The greenrider still hadn’t moved out of the infirmary where she had been staying for the past four days, much to Kali’s annoyance. Wearing out her welcome Erilena was by haunting the place. But really the weyrling couldn’t bring herself to care. About much of anything. Numbness made up most of her days currently. The busier she stayed the less of a chance for her mind to wander and by proxy the better she was. It was the recipe she had developed easily after that first day she had spent wallowing in the pain. Usefulness, strive to be useful, keep your mind busy it was a mantra that played through her head. It was like a balm that kept the depression at bay.

Was she happy? No. Would she ever be again? Time would tell but currently it sure didn’t feel like she would ever smile again. Not truly anyway. The politeness was still there, but it was a carefully crafted façade. One that she was quickly getting good at. How many people really knew what she was feeling? Erilena wasn’t sure. She wasn’t good at masks. Never had been and somewhere back in her mind even the greenrider could see through her poor attempt at disguising things. Maybe Dmitri knew. Maybe not. She had seen him briefly the day after and not since then. Besides the harper the only others she interacted with on a weekly basis where Nephele and K’sel. But her friends had their own lives, their own wings, their own drama, their own problems and it felt extremely selfish to even bother them with hers at all. All alone. It was better that way surely. Here in her own mind she couldn’t worry or hurt anyone else.

Never alone. Came the return words. Fierce in their delivery. Feyrianth. Lena my love. You will never be alone and you know this. I am always here. Time my love. Give it time. Erilena stopped and swallowed. How much time? That I do not know. All we can do my darling is take everyday one at a time. Pettahth’s weyr is to the right. Go see Petta’s. Please? If only to appease me? Company might do you well. He might even make you smile? Upon the infirmary ledge Feyrianth sighed, her whirling eyes displaying her worry. He is your clutch brother. If you tell no one else…If you remain like this... At least trust him? The greenrider paused and turned towards the brownrider’s door. Momentarily she debated but well Erilena could hardly ever deny Feyrianth what she wanted.

Raising her hand she rapped briefly on the door, shifting from foot to foot nervously as she waited. Grumbling from the other side clued her into the fact that K’sel was coming even before the man opened the door. Without even a hello Erilena threw herself at K’sel, wrapping her arms around the rider she so affectionately called brother even as the sobs started. “Are…you...busy?” Each word was probably barely understandable through her tears but hey at least she was trying to be polite.

[Lotty]

Sitting indian style on his bed, the brownrider was turning a knob and pulling the dinky, tingy, e string taught, plucking at it and listening with deft ears for a sweet sound; too lazy to bother with a tuning fork that was presently, somewhere on the other side of his room. Perfection was simply not something that he had to worry about, or that he ever had been known to worry about. That was the thing about hobbies. Although he never got to finish his formal training, grumble grumble, and he hadn't made so much as a mark from it, there was something in the simple pleasure of instrument playing that he would most likely carry with him for the rest of his days. While but a couple of sevendays ago he had taken a detour into the world of the semi-professional vuvuzela playing, the subsequent work related injuries - he blew a little too hard - had him turning back to the six string gitar that was purchased for him at the ripe old age of thirteen.

A rapping at his door coincided with a final twang and a snap. Distractions served to be his downfall, and one slip of his hand severed the string; the runner hair chord rebounding and slicing along the young man's fingers and flicking him along his cheek, "Shhhhardssss," he hissed, though it was unsure as to whether he was irritated more by the momentary pain or the fact that he had to procure yet another replacement part. Either way, it sure did smart, and he was going to be sure to let whoever was on the other side of that door know that this was all their fault. All the while Mojo sat perched on a bed post, practically laughing at his owner's perpetual bad luck, "Shush you..." K'sel retorted as he muttered some more about the usual this that and the other.

He crossed the distance of his weyr, careful to set the instrument to the side of the door frame before reaching for the handle and trying his very best to convey via scowls and furrowed brows how unhappy he was with this unannounced visit, even though those were the only kinds he ever got. All things considered, it wasn't very hard for K'sel to put on the face. It was more or less the same jaded, pissy, glare he ritually maintained, but in this case admittedly broken because of well... Girl. Crying. And not only that, but the girl who was crying was none other than his sissy. The asshole act could only hold out so long,he barely got out an angry, "What do you..." before he instinctually threw his arms around her in an embrace, and making out some kind of plea for help between her hiccuping bouts of tears. Wisely, and without words, he slowly backed up, more or less dragging her into the room where she could at least be saved the embarrassment of having to bawl her eyes out in the hallways.

Though he was reluctant to let go, he pulled back, hands still clutching at her upper arms as he took a look at her. Searching he was for some kind of expression, some kind of explanation that didn't need words. After all of the stuff that the woman had been through recently, what was it that could make her cry? Oh shards, all those times he had said he'd kill someone who hurt her was meant to be a joke! He never expected that she would ever come to him to take him up on that...yet at the same time, he was angry enough with the invisible, nameless, antagonist who indirectly led to the breaking of his guitar string and the tears of his sister that revenge was not at all off the table, "What happened? Who did this to you?" Of course he automatically assumed that it was a somebody, it was part of being misanthropic to instantly relate bad feelings to the actions of stupid, stupid, simpletons who populated the Weyr.

[Rei]

It was probably a blessing that Erilena was too lost in her own world of upset to really acknowledge the first words that came out of K’sel’s mouth. The words where so very unimportant however as almost immediately afterwards she was pulled into an embrace. That act of kindness from none other than her normally rather stoic brother was all it took to completely shatter the careful wall of calm that the weyrling had been walking around with the past few days. Besides this was K’sel. He was the closest thing to a blood relative Erilena had at this weyr and although she loved Nephele to pieces…. Her friends reaction to the whole situation was likely to be worse than her adoptive brother’s. Last thing the greenrider needed or wanted was a pissed off Nephele confronting a R’ven who technically had done nothing wrong. Without protest the woman allowed herself to be half dragged back into the brownrider’s weyr, the tears for now refusing to quit even if the sobs had quieted to the occasional hiccup and sniffle.

If K’sel hadn’t broken the embrace, likely she could have cried into his chest for another hour or more. It was a comfort just being held. It felt safe, and although part of her wanted to just pour it all out it wasn’t fair to her brother to cry on him all night. Blinking some of the tears out of her now rather swollen eyes Erilena stayed perfectly still as K’sel examined her. She looked like hell and she knew it. Had been sleeping in the infirmary, well when she could sleep at all. Getting a few hours here and there, now her hair was all a mess she just looked worn. Lovely.

Part of her cared the other part? Not one bit. Light hazel eyes examined her brother’s face at his words and she shook her head briefly, sending her blonde hair into her face where it suck to the tear tracks there. Annoying but the greenrider didn’t care. Glad she was for the pressure kept on her upper arms. It helped her to think. The brace on her left arm started to throb after a minute though and Erilena slowly backed up and away from K’sel, breaking his hold to sink down onto the edge of his bed.

Once there she brushed her hair out of her face and rubbed again at her eyes, attempting a faint smile that lasted about a few seconds before she let it fade. Was there really a point in playing okay? K’sel knew she wasn’t. “It wasn’t anybody. Myself. I did it. I…” Erilena’s voice was soft and horse form sobbing . Ick she even sounded like crap. “R’ven and I broke up. He wanted a break. I had to move out…” Helplessly she allowed her hands to drop to her lap, her eyes focused on the floor as she tried to get some handle on her out of control emotions. “S’not his fault.” Almost desperately she around looked for something to hold. A pillow, a blanket, whatever. At this point she wasn’t going to be picky. Oh Faranth this was beyond pathetic wasn’t it?

[Lotty]

Oops. He had realized the mistake he might have made in holding her arms a little too long when she broke from the grasp and headed for his bed. That was his cue to step away himself and close the door behind them lest someone outside hear their discussion. Privacy was such a rare commodity in this place, and no peepholes out into the hallway should at least encourage any potential eavesdroppers to respect K'sel's preference for boundaries. As for Erilena, well he didn't know if she preferred the door one way or another, but he somehow doubted the crying girl who was too distraught to even brush her hair would mind his executive decision and so he didn't even bother to ask, instead briefly bustling around the room to find something for he girl to cry into. A handkerchief would probably do, and he dug in his dresser drawers to find one.

Pulling one out, he turned back to the woman and walked over to her to offer her the cloth and gently swipe some hair out of her face, "I'm going to grab you something to drink...if I can find it..." as if he needed to keep feeding the water works coming out of the girl. He spun around looking for something to offer her, but to to little avail unless she was interested in something alcoholic. The brownrider was uncorking bottles left and right and peering into them looking for water. Satisfied with the scentless-ness of one of them he shuffled back over to her and set it down at her foot explaining, "I don't own glasses...its a luxury reserved for the high and mighty and not intended for hobos like us..." Yes, he had teased her very scraggily look she was rocking.

K'sel sat himself down on the bed close to Erilena. Close enough in fact that he could go right back to something of a hug, one arm loosely wrapped around her waist and the other patting her on the knee as he listened to her labored speech. The man had to wait before he could pass his judgement, because no doubt his initial reaction was that R'ven was a jerk, which was slightly off base he supposed. For being a brother to the girl he had never bothered to befriend the other brownrider, which he supposed was a downfall of his own. He could hardly be a competent family member if he wasn't sizing up all of the girl's boyfriends and looking out for her interests, but he had always avoided such invasive tactics in the hopes he would be rewarded with the same courtesies. Still he knew a few things, which was that before now he had no reason to dislike the man, and secondly, the smith was about twice his size.

Which made this whole murder thing a little hard to do.

Shame, because in K'sel's personal opinion anyone who dumped a girl who had just been chewed up by felines was a level of selfish that in comparison made him look like a saint. K'sel! A saint! Yes, hyperbole was completely appropriate, and Mojo agreed, flapping down from his spot to sit in the girl's lap. She was his favorite after His of course, letting her know by warmly burying his face in her stomach and crooning to her. The rider would have snickered had he not been busy coming up with a diplomatic answer for his sister, "Not his fault? You had to move out because he wanted space? And you are blaming yourself. Erilena my dear, I think there is a flaw in your logic there...." he trailed off, and tried to find her face under all that hair again, "But if you don't want to talk about it thats ok. I'm just saying that you shouldn't cry. You can do better."

[Rei]

Erilena leaned over her lap and put her face in her hands for a few moments as K’sel drew away to go close the door. Yeah maybe she should have thought about that. Not that it would matter. Everyone was going to know anyway. Rumors spread through the weyr like wildfire. Feyrianth haunting the infirmary instead of Trilaranth’s ledge was a clear sign that something had happened. It was easy to pick out. The reasons for such however would be debated over and over again by the drudges and the more gossipy people of the weyr.

Oh joy that was something to look forward to. Sympathetic looks from the kitchen staff when she didn’t deserve them. Taking a deep shuddering breath the weyrling bit her bottom lip and diplomatically allowed K’sel to brush her hair from her face even as she raised a hand to accept the handkerchief. Not like it mattered what her hair looked like but if it made her brother feel better to do something about it she wasn’t going to protest.

Nodding at the brownrider’s explanation about going to find something to drink Erilena dabbed briefly at her eyes with the cloth and then ended up twisting it around in her hands over and over. Half bowing her head she listened to K’sel as he continued his search, only lifting her face towards him when the man reproached her. A weak smile formed on her lips at his tease. “I don’t mind drinking from a bottle. Seems to much work to actually find a cup anyway.” Idly her foot nudged against the glass bottle. Maybe in a moment she would bother with it but right now her hands where occupied. Hobos like them. It was funny, kind of. Would be funnier if the greenrider wasn’t currently miserable. Another fresh round of tears welled din her eyes but she fought them back valiantly. Until K’sel sank beside her on the bed and wrapped his arm around her waist. Damn it…now she had to try to speak through her tears. Not fun when she felt like her chest was constricted. Like it was hard to breathe. Would this ever get any easier?

Leaning heavily against K’sel’s side as she finished her explanation Erilena waited in silence. Doubtless that K’sel would have a verdict, and if she knew the brownrider half as well as she thought she did, he would automatically bias towards her. Which wasn’t surprising considering he was her brother. Yes there was no doubt that the greenrider cared about him as such. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t truly blood. He might as well be.

Mojo’s appearance caused a faint smile to spring to her lips and Erilena stopped the wringing of the handkerchief to stroke down the bronze’s back with one hand. His crooning and display of affection was more than welcome and almost automatically her arm curled around the fire lizard so she could cuddle him against her stomach. Sweet Mojo. It almost made the greenrider yearn for a pet of her own to squeeze and cry on. Sadly she was lacking in that department. History repeated itself…and she couldn’t handle another loss like Leo’s. She was barely handling her life as it was. Things where falling apart.

K’sel’s voice brought her back from letting the bronze comfort her. Slightly Erilena stiffened and blinked her eyes rapidly to clear them. Closing her eyes she sighed before she forced herself to speak. Explanations where needed. Not like she could let he brother believe it was R’ven’s fault. It wasn’t. Really. “He offered to let me keep the weyr. I said no. Trilaranth is much bigger than Fey. He needs the space. It will be easier for them to stick Feyrianth somewhere.” The greenrider took a deep breath. “Besides there was the cats to think about…They where born there. Not fair to uproot them….No sense in them having to get used to a new place when they already know that one inside and out. It was his weyr first anyway. It would have been selfish of me if I made him leave. It’s his home.”

As K’sel ducked his head to try and catch a glimpse of her face through the curtain of her hair, she tried to school her expression into something calmer before raising her head and pushing her blonde hair back to return his gaze. “No. It’s okay. It hurts no matter what. Whether I talk about it or not. Probably better to talk about it. At least then I’m not crying to myself. Misery likes company right?” Erilena closed her hazel eyes at her brother’s next words. Shouldn’t cry. Could do better…What if she didn’t want to ‘do better’? There was nobody like R’ven…never would be again.

[Lotty]

They say there are five stages of grief, and if K'sel had to pick one for Erilena, he'd say she was some kind of kooky mix of depression and denial. Sad enough to think she'll never be any better but at the same time not allowing herself to think that someone else could have possibly done her wrong. Poor thing. He couldn't very well blame her when she was stuck with one of the worst situations. When one person wants the relationship to continue and the other one doesn't the healing process is that much harder, if not impossible, and there was no doubt in the man's mind that his sister would jump on the first chance to go back to her most cherished days with R'ven. Clearly she didn't want this and he knew...he knew that nothing he was going to say was going to make a difference, she was too hard-headed right now, and not very yielding. Still, it took an utter lack of class to turn her away and not try to offer some form of comfort in the midst of her distress.

K'sel couldn't offer the best advice in the world, that much he did know, but he also knew that humor was a natural pain killer, and if anything he had plenty of that. Obviously the first dose he doled out worked a little too. Although she wasn't smiling yet - efforts from Mojo only a moment later did work though - he knew that the hobo comment was working at chipping away that pained exterior. It was going to go straight to the core, because nothing seemed to work better than a round of good old fashioned self deprecative jokes now and again. Nuzzling up against her he listened in some more to her broken love tale.

She obviously missed what he meant somewhere in there. He didn't doubt that it was easier for her to move out, or that R'ven offered her the weyr or any of what she said. It just wasn't the point he was getting at... it was all too possible that Erilena was suffering from a bout of selective hearing. He opened his mouth and then stopped it with a 'hmmmm' before trying to pick out some better words for his sister. So hard it was to not be at least a little bit offensive as usual, "I...what I meant was that whatever you could have done to make him want 'space', which I am telling you is a typical sort of bone head male response, is nothing of your own doing...." Now for the brownrider to put it into a more universal language, "It's really stupid, nothing done differently would have changed his idiotic little brain. If it was about space and his erm...autonomy versus your desire to be connected then well you could have worked out a balance..."

Sometimes K'sel wondered if he made any sense, but more importantly he didn't want to make any assumptions about a relationship that he had never bothered to inquire about or take a peek at before. All he had to work off of was his own experiences and the fact that just like R'ven, he also had a dick, and therefore had extra special insight into the male mind, "Listen...I'm a guy, and I know that we are all awful, dysfunctional, screw ups...ok?" He smiled at her and put a limp wristed hand to his own chest to maybe inspire some laughter, "Believe it or not I've broken up with a few girls before and I've used the 'space' line. I perfected it, and I'm not going to let you get all torn up over it..."

Mojo looked up at the greenrider and chirruped in agreement. No, no, no, a broken and battered Lena would do him no good! He needed her to lavish him with attention you see. He wasn't usually so privy to being all huddled up and cuddled on, but with the girl he could make an exception since she was apparently his bonded's clutch sister.

"Misery loves company Eri...and normally I'd be the fist in line to commiserate with someone. Believe me, I take great pleasure in being bummed out," he sneak attacked her with a brotherly kiss on the head, and got a mouthful of hair in the process. Pulling out a few strands of blonde he continued, "Normally I don't condone such happy, flowery, sunshine daydreams but girl...you've gotta stay positive..." He drew her in for a tighter hug in the hopes that she couldn't resist and run away crying, "Now what are you going to do?" He whispered to her the open ended question. She was free answer with whatever thought popped into her head.

[Rei]

The bottle of water at her foot was ignored still until Erilena accidentally almost knocked it over with her foot. Blinking she reached down to pick it up and took a sip to perhaps ease her throat. Placing the bottle down just as K’sel nuzzled in against her she tightened her hold on the bronze firelizard on her lap and stayed silent. Briefly the greenrider thought to maybe interrupt but she stopped herself and let her brother continue uninterrupted. There was something there that he was saying that she didn’t want to hear but really there was no helping it and sadly. It sounded right.

If R’ven had only wanted space. Wouldn’t it have been easy for them to work that out somehow and still stay together? So in reality. Maybe he just hadn’t wanted her at all? That thought hurt. Badly. Was she really that bad at reading people? Erilena couldn’t let herself believe that. The greenrider had given him everything she had, because she loved him and…it was to much to think that he hadn’t returned her affection at all. That it had all been some sort of exercise in what? Him using her? No. R’ven had cared about her in some way. Maybe not as deeply as she had for him but there was no way she could allow herself to believe that it had been completely one sided. She refused to believe that.

So maybe that wasn’t what K’sel was saying. But it sounded to her like that was what the brownrider was getting at. Or maybe not. It was all to confusing right now. Silence seemed to be the best option and Erilena turned back to K’sel just as he made his gesture. A small tired smile was offered to her brother for the attempt at humor but really she wasn’t in the mood to laugh. Not at all. The greenrider gave a soft snort at his next comment. Not let her get all torn up about it. Kinda late for that. Did K’sel really expect her not to be upset? Probably not. Idly her hand moved to stoke down Mojo’s back at his chirp in an effort to soothe herself and the bronze both. Misery was a good way to sum up her current feeling about the whole sharding situation.

Erilena closed her eyes as K’sel drew her closer and placed a kiss on the top of her head. It reminded her of her father in an obscure way. He used to kiss the top of her head when she was upset as a little kid. Closing her eyes against the fresh tears that welled in her eyes the greenrider bit her lip against a whimper. Positive. Yeah right. How was she supposed to be positive when she felt so crappy? How did her brother expect her to be positive after a year of her life had just been thrown away and she had lost the one person she enjoyed being around the most? Positive yeah okay. Still…Erilena couldn’t just give up. Because she just didn’t do that. No matter how badly she wished it, time wouldn’t stop and things would continue like they always did. It would just be lonelier and she’d have no one to confide in. Her few friends didn’t understand some of her issues, and being weyrbred anyway they would likely find them…silly.

Still K’sel’s question deserved an answer. What was she going to do. About anything? “I guess all I can do is keep going on. I want to be a dragon healer. I guess I should focus on that now.” There a resolution. Something to work towards. A goal. Something to take her mind from everything. Besides...it would give her and Feyrianth a place. A purpose. At least she could comfort herself with that fact.

[Lotty]

Quiet. Very quiet, but K'sel was hoping that this meant that the girl was listening and understanding. A better response than her fighting with his "wisdom" after all. He was hopeful that this was all a sign that he should become the old crazy man in the wilderness who could cure ailments with crystal light and predict the outcome of runner races if he closed his eyes and thought real hard. The fact was that it was highly unlikely, and she probably wouldn't get a single word that had come out of his mouth for weeks to come...if ever. Nobody could say that he didn't try though.

"I'm not saying he didn't love you either..." he didn't know she was pondering this either, but he could make a few guesses. His sister was a rather transparent person at times, and he knew that what he had said might have struck a wrong chord and fresh tears pooling in her eyes and streaming down her cheeks did little calm his suspicions. He was trying to empower her really, not turn her into some kind of victim, "People fall in and out of love...you are just out of step now. Not a bad thing...now what can I do to cheer you up?"

The desire to see her happy was admittedly sort of selfish. He didn't like competing for the title of most depressed and especially not with the girl whose general cheeriness is usually what inspired him to be a little less of a somber person. Those who were in his inner circle got to see him smile and joke, but because of this they sometimes forgot that he was still one strange, lonely, little boy. Understatement. Shush you.

"Dragonhealing? That sounds good. If it is something you take great pride and joy in you shouldn't abandon it, thats for sure. I still kick myself every day for not continuing my apprenticeship," yeah, the one he never talked about to anyone, "So I would focus on that...live well and all that," he let go of her slightly, no need to be too constricting and Mojo would probably appreciate a little bit of space while he was at it anyway. The bronze was curled up like a kitten in the girl's lap but between her sobs it was hard to find comfort and the firelizard wriggled around for air.

[Rei]

Erilena remained silent. There wasn’t much to stay and she was positive any speaking on her part would just cause more tears. K’sel’s words caused her to flinch in his grip. I’m not saying he didn’t love you. Well her brother could go ahead and say it. Because it was the truth. R’ven had said so himself. Not that he didn’t love her, but that he had doubts. It was his right. Nothing she could be angry over. In the end you couldn’t force someone to love you. All the same. Losing him hurt. Not a bad thing. It was hard not to pull away from the brownrider after those words. But the greenrider couldn’t expect K’sel to understand completely. He wasn’t female, nor did understand the workings of her mind. In the end they where very different. Grew up differently, held different thoughts. All that really mattered was that he cared enough to attempt to cheer her up. In the end he was still her brother. In name only maybe, but that was okay.

When K’sel pulled away Erilena nodded. Focus on that. She intended to. Not only as a release from thought, but as a necessity. In the end the greenrider didn’t have many options. Did she take pride in dragonhealing? It was a interesting question to consider. In a sense yes, in another no. It wasn’t about pride, nor joy, in the end it came down to a desire to give back. The happiness she felt at helping another. Too be able to be useful. Too not end up with nothing to do and nowhere to turn. Perhaps at this Erilena would not fail like she had all her life. A failure to everyone and at everything. Her parents, her sister, her classmates, Leo, Kentvin, R’ven… In the end it was becoming her one and only chance to prove she could do something, anything, right. So amidst the tears and helpless feeling she made a silent promise to give the apprenticeship everything she had.

Loosening her hold on the struggling Mojo the greenrider murmured a silent apology and hastily rubbed the tears from her eyes. “Cheer is overrated K’sel. The sun can’t shine forever. Sometimes it has to rain.” Lifting her head back up towards her ‘brother’ a light smile formed on her lips even if it didn’t reach her eyes. “Thank you.” In the end he had given her an idea. Something to strive for and that made her feel a tad bit better.

[Lotty]

It was hard! He wanted to chastise her and fight her over this. She was supposed to be happy all the time and he was supposed to be the bummer brother. He was the one who needed support, and not in a million turns would he ever expect that he could be a pillar of support for someone else. You are for me... You don't count captain obvious... No need to be snippy, I don't have to take that from you. Ignoring you now~ A very audible grumble emanated throughout the stony walls of the weyr, their source obviously leading out to the ledge. I have teeth I should remind you, and I will not forget this. Go play with Fey or something, for the love of that fat, gold, imaginary dragon. He briefly tightened his hold on her, bracing her for his dragon's petulant griping before letting go again, but not however, letting the girl out of his sights.

For this one time, he would give up the fight, and he was going to let her win. Sympathy for the martyr one could say, and so with a resigned sigh he agreed with her, the words too painfully true for him to reject, "You're right, cheeriness is overrated," he was sorely tempted to be an ass and start doing his own moping to show her up with and even bit his tongue to prevent himself from inviting her to his personal pity party, but he at least had enough sense to know where to draw the line. She was hurt and trusted him enough to come to him, so why try and ruin this?

"My door is always open you know..." sort of, "well not literally. Its actually usually closed, but to you it is open...." he thought about what he said again and twisted his lips considering the potential consequences. That policy might not quite pan out right either, "Well I mean, knock first, I'm assuming you probably don't want to walk in and see my ugly ass changing clothes or something," not that he cared what other people thought, it was all for the eyesight of others he was more concerned. But for that to even happen he needed to be hanging out in his room a lot, and with the weather finally warming up, who knew when he could be found inside again.

All theoretics, and really he shouldn't have even opened his mouth.

"I'm keeping tabs on you, ya know..." he gestured to the bronze flit in her arms and the fellow sort of nodded in agreement, "If you even so much as try and give up I know where to find you..." he trailed off as he ran out of things to say. Honestly his tongue was as good as exhausted, and he did get a smile out of her, so job well done as far as he was concerned. He rewarded himself by fully letting go and flopping backwards onto his bed and from that position he joked, "You're welcome Erilena. This time is free of charge, but future consultations with the love healer will cost a small nominal fee..."

[Rei]

The agreement wasn’t expected and Erilena almost blinked in surprise before turning her attention back to Mojo and gently rubbing one of the flit’s eye ridges. Silently she stayed in K’sel’s arms for the moment soaking up the physical comfort. It always had meant more to her than words. Hugs, kisses, looks, body language. It was all mostly true where words where easy to bend, break, change. Quietly she closed her eyes completely unaware of the mental debating going on in the mind of the brownrider holding her. Complete faith the greenrider had in her scruffy brother. For better or worse. At least he would never abandon her. If only because they where family and although they where not blood it didn’t matter much to her. He had taken the place of her blood brother who was so far away, who she hadn’t seen in two turns. No one told her that when you impress a dragon you wouldn’t see your family for quite some time.

Erilena could go see her family now maybe. Could. But she didn’t. Feyrianth could between and still she held herself back from contacting them. She still sent the occasional letter but it would be painful, in a way, to see them again. To see how much they had all changed. For them to see how much she had changed both physically and mentally. Feyrianth’s presence in her life had reshaped her in ways far deeper than she had imaged. The greenrider just wasn’t ready to face them. At all. K’sel’s voice brought her out of her dark thoughts. From one topic to another her mind wasn’t exactly running in sunny fields anymore.

A hesitant and rather sad smile was spared for K’sel. His words where comforting and though she didn’t doubt them Erilena was rather doubtful she would take him up on such an offer. Visiting times would be carefully checked with Pettahth beforehand. No need to intrude on the brownrider’s time more than she absolutely had to. Brother or not no one liked a constant rain cloud hanging about. Although his next comment did have her giving a half giggle, a rather humorless, “Might scar me for life.,” attached to the end. And this time the smile she offered K’sel was genuine if still sad. His indication that Mojo would be his own personal spy had her cuddling the bronze before letting him go. One hand trailed lightly down the fire lizard’s back as she cooed a soft croon to him.

Looking backwards as K’sel flopped over she reached over and pinched his toe. “I’ll have to remember to save my marks then dear brothermine.” Standing up still cradling Mojo Erilena smiled slowly at the brownrider. “I’m flit napping Mojo. You can have him back later.” Leaning over she kissed the side of his cheek. “Thanks bro.” Straightening back up the greenrider gave one backwards look. “I’ll come back soon. I promise.” Feeling at least momentarily better, and with some type of plan in mind at least, she exited K’sel’s weyr. Setting her feet on the path back towards the infirmary she brushed lightly across Feyrianth’s mind, Mojo chirping softly from her shoulder.

{End Thread}