Familiar taste of poison. (Tags Req)

[Rei]

Blood trickled down her arm from the fresh wounds she had unintentionally wrought herself. The metal entwined in the whip biting deeper into her arm and reminding Elysia yet again why you ‘don’t miss’. Bristling at mental voice those words came bearing she snorted and stilled. Daddy was right yet again. She was a fool to ever believe otherwise. Well what do you think daddy? I’m paying for it now aren’t I you arrogant bastard. Fool to believe I would ever love or be loved. I’m too broken to matter. To ever be good enough for somebody else. You’re right yet again, you fucker. I hope you’re burning wherever you are. Laugh while you can. Intentionally she dug the weapon deeper into her skin, punishment for her pervious miscalculation and then let it fall lax. Happy now that you’ve made me bleed again? Almost coldly she examined the wound she had inflicted accidentally upon herself, felt the trickle of blood as it ran down her skin to drip lightly onto the ground….

Elysia murmured words in her restless sleep, the furs covering her twining about her form as she tossed and turned. It wasn’t long before she awakened, however she stayed still keeping her eyes closed as she settled down and continued to feign sleep. It wasn’t the nightmare that awoke her. No it was the feeling of something or someone watching her. Subtle clues that there was someone in the weyr that was not part of her small family. Who it could be the greenrider didn’t know. It had been three days since Dmitri’s sudden disappearance and she wasn’t expecting anyone. Whoever it was however picked the wrong weyr. Perhaps this unknown intruder could sate her blood lust. In the end Elysia reasoned that she could always claim self defense. After all no one in their right mind invaded a weyr they did not belong in. Not if they where intelligent.

Not far of Onyth lounged her eyes half lidded and whirling in placid green tones. The dark dragon was used to this particular brand of night terrors from her bonded. It had not emerged for awhile. Turns in fact. That it was coming to the surface again was surprising but understood and there was nothing the green could do about it. So she merely accepted. Nothing to get upset about. Her bonded would not die. Nor do anything irreparable to herself. Elysia wasn’t the type to go out and kill herself. Punish yes. Kill no. Punishment had been taught. Death was a cop out, a coward’s escape and hers did not run. From anything. The figure that had appeared in the weyr was smelled rather than seen, and although she knew this particular scent Onyth refused to acknowledge his appearance to hers. Would serve him right if he got knifed in her opinion. The dark green was extremely possessive of her bonded and anything that hurt her automatically defaulted to the green’s bad books. A tint of crimson tinged her gaze and she hissed. The sound was low and threatening. A warning. Stay back. Not welcome.

As the hiss sounded the woman moved. With a sudden swift movement Elysia grabbed a throwing dagger from it’s place under her pillow and flung it towards where she judged the figure to be. In the next moment she was out of bed. Her thin black night shift didn’t offer much protection but it hardly mattered in a situation such as this. Pivoting around the greenrider grabbed one of her short fighting blades as well as one of her whips and braced herself for a possible assault. Dark eyes fixed themselves on the figure even as behind her she heard a vicious snarl from Onyth, the dragon’s eyes flashing crimson in the darkness. The sudden flurry of activity also woke both firelizards who hissed in warning, pinions rattling as they both perched on the edge of the shelf they slept on. Sleepy and confused neither moved to attack although they both where clear in their warnings.

[Requiem]

Onyth was awake. The faint gleam of her eyes made that clear, but she made no sound and they didn't change from their calm shades. Still, he mistrusted her. He'd always mistrusted dragons. Lingering by the door he'd slipped through whole minutes before, the teenager was still trying to think of the best way to wake her. He didn't want to speak to her in public, and she rarely was in her weyr except to sleep, it seemed. At least her pride was likely to keep her from shouting. One small boon.

Of course, while he wasted time thinking, Elysia came awake. The stirrings stilled. For a moment he thought she might have - must have - recognized him. (It was hard to remember that others couldn't see so well in the dark. His eyes had grown so accustomed to it that making her out was easy. Or perhaps that was familiarity.) Even so, she moved so swiftly that he barely had time to register the throwing knife before it slashed across his bicep, slamming hilt-first into the wall at his back. Then she was arming herslef. Dmitri wasn't sure what to do. Either she didn't know him, or she did, and either way he could see her reacting this way. And if she didn't, would it be an improvement to say anything?

Should draw his dirk. Turn tail and run. He wasn't so helpless as he'd been, and he was a good deal stronger than her, despite his skinny frame, but there was no contest. None whatsoever. "Elysia." The dirk remained in its sheath, though he crouched, picking up the throwing knife with its bloodied edge. He could feel the liquid seeping, dampening his sleeve, but there was no pain. Most of his right arm was dead to it. Still, blood was blood, and, still clasping the throwing knife, he pressed his palm against the cut. Dmitri didn't move to rise. It wasn't perhaps the wisest of moves, but neither was coming here while she slept in the first place. That, and appearances were everything. If he drew on her, or cowered back, it would not give the impression he desired. Confidence.

Elysia was not one to show weakness to. Too well did he know that; she'd exploited his without a thought.

The throwing knife was tossed across the floor, skidding until it stopped near her foot. "Have you a mind to murder me, Els?" His tone was droll. "There's no one to stop you, here." Though Dmisk would avenge him. That Dmitri knew. A wry smile tugged at the corner of his lips. Mindmates were always faithful. He rose slowly, leaning back against the wall, keeping any notes of apprehension from his voice. "You really should keep a glowbasket in here, even if you leave it covered." That suggestion was real enough. Hard to fight those you couldn't see, and if they were stealing upon you, it could be certain that their night vision would be better until your eyes adjusted. Common sense, really.

[Rei]

“Elysia.”

Her name spoken in such a familiar voice caused the greenrider to pause. Drawing herself up and out of her stance Elysia mentally soothed both the firelizards and Onyth, the formers settling back down on their shelf while the latter gave a snort and laid her head back down on forepaws. Eyes whirling in green and yellow, the red fading quickly, the dark green gave a soft grumble and kept one eye on the harper. The other lidded as she settled herself on the couch. You should have told me it was him. Was the only sentence the woman offered her dragon before her eyes shifted to where Dmitri was standing. His form was hard to make out in the darkness but his voice was not. Nor was the sound of the knife she had tossed being slid back to her.

For a few moments Elysia was silent, allowing the handler time to speak as she tossed her weapons back on the nearby table. Only once that was done did she speak while dipping to pick up the dagger he had tossed somewhere near her foot. “If I had wanted to murder you, you would be dead by now.” The words where simple with no noticeable emotion besides a soft amusement. Murder him? Tch. “And I have glows they just aren’t close at hand.” Which was the truth. In hindsight if anything this little matter cleared that problem up nicely for her. Glows needed to be closer, he was right. As the greenrider’s fingers found the knife and touched the slickness on the blade they flinched back from it and then carefully curled around as she picked the weapon up.

Without a word Elysia made her way over to the table and unshielded one of the glows there. Then when there was at least a little bit of light she moved back over towards Dmitri making a small stop along the way to pick up a small length of cloth bandaging from a nearby leather bag. “Why did you come here anyway?” Dark eyes flashed immediately to where she deduced the harper’s wound to be. “Idiot. You should know better than to sneak in on someone while they are sleeping. Especially now.” If the words could be constituted as harsh her tone was not. In fact it was soft and almost mildly apologetic. In truth the woman was torn, a large part of her felt bad about the fact that she had actually hit Dmitri the other part was of the opinion that he deserved it. Running one hand through her dark messed hair she sighed and offered him the cloth. He needed to stop the bleeding and although she herself wanted to take a look at it, it was probably a bad idea. “Did you forget something?”

Elysia’s dark eyes turned away at that soft question and back towards the shelf where her firelizards watched, their eyes whirling slowly in the darkness of that corner. It still stung that he hadn’t even bothered to explain. Just up and left. The greenrider had come back from drills to find the harper gone and after the initial round of confusion, the hurt had set in. In truth Elysia had wanted to hunt Dmitri down then and force him to explain. But that would have done no good and she had told him he was free to leave whenever he chose to.

That night she had waited up most of the night in vain and after the second night The greenrider was under the impression that she didn’t warrant his concern. The fact that he was here now caused her to wonder why. Did she finally warrant an explanation?

[Requiem]

Not on purpose, anyway, he thought to himself wryly, not feeling particularly forgiving. Of course that probably had a lot to do with a certain gold salamandyr that he could feel raging in his mind, even though she was far too far away to hear at this range. She didn't seem to care about the petty little circumstances surrounding why Hers was bleeding. He could feel each pulse of his heartbeat against his fingers, which was...odd.

"You don't make a habit of staying in your weyr, Elysia...at least not while we're both awake." An explanation, such as it was, but he didn't offer any more than that. Not immediately. He released his arm long enough to tear the sleeve off above the wound, using his teeth to help, then took the cloth with a nod. For not being left-handed, he was fairly quick about it, winding it about the rather deep-looking slash and pulling it taut with the aid of his teeth again. It would do. The pale eyes looked Elysia over, narrowed against the brighter lighting.

Her question needed some sort of answer. "No. I got everything the first time." Now what? She was being almost too nice. He wished she'd snipe or yell or something. Then he could be angry. Rubbing his hand over the cloth, down his malformed arm, his eyes wandered the familiar room and he swallowed. Too many ghosts in the room, the most troubling one being the living woman standing in front of him. Almost as if it had bubbled up without his knowing, the words came softly, a mere whisper. "You promised."

Blinking at the words, an ironic smile twisted his lips. Well. Now that was out... His eyes studied her face for any recognition of what he was talking about. "Dementia saw the man by the river. That captive the Bendenites brought. I was certain...that you'd tell me, or at least that I'd see it in your face. But you know, even looking for it, I never did." And she'd never said a word. Dmitri could deal with many things, but not someone lying to him. Not Elysia. "I couldn't stay." Fingers ran through his hair, an agitated gesture. "Felt sick." There. He'd said it, and even done her the courtesy of being honest. As if he could be anything else with her.

Salt in the wounds.

[Rei]

Dark eyes watched as Dmitri bandaged the wound her fingers curling into her palms to prevent herself from simply taking over and doing the job herself. It wasn’t like he was doing the best job of it but Elysia supposed it was good enough. Almost absently her gaze left the harper to again travel the room, finally resting on Onyth who was lazily watching the pair through half lidded eyes. A silent warning was given to the green before the harper’s voice brought her back around to face him. Promised? Promised what? Mild confusion flashed across the greenrider’s face for a moment as she backtracked to try and piece together what he was speaking about. A few things came to mind but before she could open her mouth to comment he was continuing and so she fell silent.

Dmitri’s next words cleared the whole matter up for her and Elysia almost flinched, the look on her face apologetic and slightly irritated at the same time. Damn Dementia. The gold hadn’t liked her one bit and the feeling had always been mutual despite the fact that Elysia had tried to appeal to the little menace at every turn. She’d certainly never been nasty to the little thing, despite the nasty names and nips she received from the mandyr in kind. For a moment the woman remained silent.

“I could probably come up with a million excuses at this point. But I’m not going to insult you by voicing them. Nor can I deny that I was with that rider that afternoon.” Quiet the words where and the greenrider again let her hand travel through her messed hair halting at the tangles in it. “I should have told you immediately but it never seemed like the right time. Besides it seems to me that if Dementia was there she told you long before I had any chance to voice anything. So likely by then you had already made up your mind to leave. Even had I voiced anything would you really have listened?”

Dropping her hand from her hair Elysia’s eyes again went to Dmitri’s. “I still wish you would have told me, or given me a chance to explain before you just up and disappeared. It hurt to come back and find you completely gone. I waited up that night for you to come back and say something but you didn’t. I figured I wasn’t worth an explanation.” Despite her best attempts to prevent them the tears built up but the woman blinked them back with a snort. “Unfortunately I can’t blame you for your actions.” Swallowing she sighed and sank down onto the nearby chair. “I never meant to hurt you. It was a lapse and I regret it but regret does not change that it happened.” Dropping her hands into her lap Elysia looked up at the harper. Now what? To be honest she hadn’t the slightest clue. It wasn’t like she could just erase this all and take it back.

Eyes defaulting to the bandage on his arm Elysia bit her bottom lip. “Will you at least let me take a look at that?” If nothing else she wanted to at least repair something. “It meant nothing you know. That afternoon. Not that that changes anything but I want you to at least know that.”

[Requiem]

Not that he'd harbored any doubts. (Dementia was incapable of lying to him, fortunately, or she'd be causing a buttload of trouble.) But if he had, that expression would have been enough to banish them all...and then some. It was an odd numbness, listening to the words from her own lips. Even the irritation that could have been expected at the assumption - the accusation - that she made was absent.

His words were quiet, interrupting before she could continue down that track. "Els. Think about the timing. Before you say anything else." He rubbed his temple lightly. She made it sound like it had been easy for him, like he hadn't waited days for her to mention something. Three nights, and on the third he couldn't handle it any longer, pretending that he didn't know. That morning he'd enlisted R'ven to help him get his stuff out as swiftly as possible. Because talking to her...he would have broken, and he needed out. Needed it.

Looking away, he bit his lip. Yes, he knew he should have said something, but ... Shards. He'd thought a few nights away would have made this easier. Instead he felt like a child caught doing something bad again. His words were quiet, sounding small, even to him. "It's not...I didn't really believe you wouldn't lapse. Wanted to, but didn't. I did believe you'd tell me if you did, rather than learn it from someone else. You realize I can't trust you now? That anyone I walk past, I have to wonder if he's...and looking at you, how long you waited? This could have been the first time, or the hundredth and I wouldn't know, because you didn't say anything." His words never got loud. "I didn't leave like that in retaliation. I couldn't stay. Do you understand? And talking to you...it's still just as hard."

He shook his head at her claim. Nothing. No, it didn't help. At all. She'd thrown what they had away for something that meant nothing. Better that it meant something. He didn't voice that. The boy slipped towards her, though, eyes focusing on Onyth in favor of looking at Elysia. She was sitting, and so he seated himself on the arm of the chair, to put his bandaged arm within range of her. "I didn't ask you," he added softly. "You promised when I said it bugged me. Just...tell me why, at least? I thought...I thought I was keeping you happy. Or at least content." He still hadn't looked at her.

[Rei]

Elysia ended up focusing on her hands in her lap as Dmitri spoke. Quiet his words where and seemingly almost laced with a particular sadness, and it made her feel….terrible. Like she was some kind of monster. Tch. Well this was new. This particular feeling the greenrider couldn’t say she had had before. It was almost like she felt sick to her stomach and hollow but not? Dark eyes lifted to his face but the harper wasn’t looking at her. It was almost like he couldn’t and that hurt. What hurt more was realizing that what he was feeling had been wrought by her, and here she had been professing to love him. Did you do that to people you loved? No. You shouldn’t. Right? Her nails bit into her palms. “I’m coming to understand why you left yes.” Soft the words where and they held a almost reluctant quality. Why did this all have to be so hard? The last thing Elysia wanted was to feel like she did currently but there was no easy fix to it all. Damn it all if she didn’t want to be like him. Prove him right.

You are not R’sia. You did not hurt him intentionally and with malice. Was all Onyth said in response to the thoughts, her tone soft and final. The green’s eyes opened fully when it became apparent that the harper was looking at her instead of at hers. The dark dragon yawned and uttered a soft croon, more in an attempt to soothe her bonded than the harper of course. Peaceful shades now made up the majority of her gaze although there where the pale shades of sorrow mixed in as overspill from her bonded as well. Didn’t I though? Was Elysia’s retort as Dmitri made his way closer to perch on the arm of the chair she was sitting on. Dark eyes automatically went to the harpers face, noting it was still turned away as her hands raised to pick at the makeshift bandage around his arm. Onyth in turn said nothing her gaze merely staying on the pair of humans.

As she unwound the dressing the greenrider allowed at least one of the tears she had been holding back to fall. There was no witness anyway. “I wish I had an easy answer. I wish I could tell you what I was thinking. But to be honest, I don’t know myself. It started off in play. I never intended for it to go so far and once it got to a certain point it’s like I lost control.” Deftly and carefully Elysia’s fingers examined the wound, noting that the gash would probably need a few stitches at least. Which would be easy enough to do herself if Dmitri didn’t wish to go to the infirmary. She had a field medical kit and that much, at least, was easy to fix. “It’s not like I felt lacking. I have been happy, and this is the first time I’ve lapsed since we had that discussion. I knew him from Benden. You don’t have to believe me.”

Reaching forward Elysia pulled the leather bag from the chair next to her and pulled out some redwort and more bandaging. Quietly and swiftly she cleaned the wound and kept the pressure on. Her mind worked quietly for a moment before she gathered the strength to speak. “I don’t deserve you Dmitri. You don’t deserve to hurt. I don’t want to hurt you. Maybe in the end I’m just to broken to fix.” Trialing off she swallowed the lump in her throat and swiftly changed the subject, increasing the pressure on his wound to stop her fingers from trembling.

“Should probably have stitches. I have numbweed and thread here if you want me to do it. Otherwise there is always the infirmary.” Her eyes flicked back momentarily up to his face. “I can’t blame you for anything and no matter what I say I can’t take back what was done. All the same. At least I know 'why' now.”

[Requiem]

Lost control, huh? He clenched his jaw slightly, but let his eyes drop to his hand, curling his fingers toward his palm. Pretty excuses she had. Couldn't she just say that she wanted to ride the man, or that she liked the attention? It didn't matter. He didn't expect her to be truthful with him, not anymore.

Dmitri had to glance down to be sure that she was touching him, not feeling her fingers on his arm except her thumb. He felt that. Focusing his attention on the lack of feeling in the limb kept him from exhibiting the rising anger. What was she playing at, anyway? Elysia wasn't the victim, and no one forced her to do anything. No one forced her to fuck the brains out of people or keep silent about it and sweep it under the rug. Thumb...no, part of the index finger, too, around toward the inside of his arm. Parts of two of five fingers...he supposed it was better than not feeling her hand on him at all.

"Yeah, at least you know why." His voice was cold. "Maybe you'll sleep better." He pulled his arm from her grip, ignoring how it started bleeding again without the pressure she'd been putting on it. "What do you want from me? To take pity on you?" His right hand shot out, capturing her chin as he turned toward her. "Grow up, Elysia. You're nearly thirty. Your father's dead. And I'll be damned if I keep on paying for his mistakes...he's not an excuse for you anymore." Releasing her chin with disgust, he rose and stalked for the door, holding on to his anger. It was better than that lost feeling he'd been battling for days.

Dmitri turned in the doorway. The cold glitter of his pale eyes was lost in the shadows pooling there. "Elysia controls Elysia, and Elysia is responsible for Elysia. Look me up when you're ready to accept that. Otherwise...don't bother." He waved his good hand dismissively at her, then disappeared through the door, shutting it and leaning back against it for a few moments to compose himself. The boy glanced down at the blood dripping down his arm, and snorted softly. Infirmary. Joy. He pushed off the door and strode away.

[Rei]

Yeah at least you know why. Maybe you’ll sleep better.

The words inspired a flinch from Elysia but she did not move to pull Dmitri’s arm back. Instead she let him slip away, mentally and physically preparing herself for the backlash that she instinctively knew was coming. Come it did and the greenrider weathered it silently. Dmitri really didn’t want answers anyway. The questions seemed purely rhetorical. He thought he had all the answers he needed. Her hands curled inward on themselves, causing her to wince at the sticky feel of the handler’s blood on her hands. It was fitting in a way no? His blood on her conscious. It made her want to throw up. For the first time in a long time Elysia actually wished she could just clean it all away. Impossible that was but it was a nice thought.

Then her chin was seized and the greenrider forced herself to meet Dmitri’s eyes. The coldness in them wasn’t really surprising. At all. It was expected but that didn’t stop the hollow feeling his gaze inspired. The harper’s words where heard as though at a distance and when he released her she stared at the ground. Couldn’t watch him walk away. She’d want to follow and she couldn’t let herself. Let him go. It was best. For both of them. Especially him.

Instead Elysia curled her fingers into her palms and waited for the sound of the door closing. Dmitri wasn’t something she ever deserved. This only further drove that fact home. In the end she would only end up destroying him and that she could never live with. Only when the door finally shut did the greenrider let herself lose some of her careful composure. Even then she cried silently, barely feeling the presence of her firelizards as they settled on her shoulders. One thing was for certain. She certainly wasn’t sleeping tonight.