A Coward's Heart (Erilena)

[Rowana]

T'ke was in a very unstable mood. This was not unusual, but today it was especially true. Not only had his entire world been throw upside down, but he was stuck here under command of people who may or may not have peaceful intentions. No one had really told him much of anything, which was also not unusual, and he hated it. All he knew was that he was now expected to fly in a wing full of these people. Whoever had thought that was a good idea, should be flailed in his opinion. The only good news he could think of so far, was that he hadn't fainted in front of them yet.

At the moment though, he had something far more pressing on his mind and he was trying to think of the best way to go about it. He'd actually practiced in his room for almost an hour, before Garaeth had shooed him out to do it in person. Now he was trudging down to the infirmary, taking as long as possible so he could get his thoughts straight.

Are you there yet? Garaeth asked playfully. The weeks events hadn't done anything to dampen the blue's spirits. Yes, T'ke scowled. See pretty lady? Shard curled around his neck, nuzzling him. She was pining for Rhino and had been clinging to him almost nonstop. At least T'ke could be sure she was safe though. "Yes, I suppose we are," he drawled irritably.

Entering the infirmary, T'ke was relieved to see it was nearly empty. He cleared his throat and managed a few steps inside. "Erilena?" he asked, face already turning pink. Shard it, he thought. Embarrassed? Garaeth asked lightly. If I am, it's your fault! The dragon yawned on his ledge, but didn't answer. His smug crooning in T'ke's head was more than enough.

[Rei]

Erilena was tapping her finger against the record hide before her, an exasperated look on her face. Why couldn’t healers from healer hall have decent handwriting? How was she supposed to decipher this chicken scratch? Ask a chicken? Despite herself the blonde laughed out loud, the noise almost startling her in the current quiet of the infirmary. Whoops. Covering her mouth she tried to stop the giggles. It was a figure of speech love. As in the writing is messy. She got an amused pulse from the green in return.

It wouldn’t have been so funny had Feyrianth not been completely serious in her answer. Sighing at the record the greenrider pushed her stool away from the table, and was in mid stretch, when she heard someone clear their throat. Oh great. Maybe it was the infirmary master Kali coming to see what she had the nerve to think was funny. Trying to school her expression into something perfectly innocent and obedient (and probably failing to look anything more than slightly flustered) Erilena turned and fixed her hazel eyes on….T’ke.

Oh dear.

No matter how hard she tried interactions with him always ended up feeling. Awkward. Not because she didn’t like him or anything. He was nice. It was just the bluerider himself always seemed to be less than comfortable and for the life of her Erilena had no clue how to fix it. See he was already blushing. Trying to make such actions seem less than obvious, she quickly half glanced at herself to make sure her clothing was all straight and proper. Yep nothing showing that shouldn’t be. Turing her gaze back to T’ke the greenrider did her best to make her smile reassuring. “Hi T’ke. I haven’t seen you around here much anymore.” Turning on her stool to face him she set her hands in her lap and crossed her legs.

“Did you need something? If you're looking for Kalierre she isn’t here right now.” At least her tone was pleasant and cheerful enough. Maybe that would make him more comfortable?

[Rowana]

"Hi...um...no. I've," T'ke started slowly. "Been busy." He shifted on his feet, looking at the floor. Erilena doesn't seem nervous, so maybe he could get over his. Shards, you'd think I'd have grown out of this by now! True, now that you know more about women, Garaeth answered slyly. Shut up! The dragon just chortled merrily. T'ke needed to lighten up anyway.

Shard twisted her head around to look at the girl. Unlike T'ke, she had no trouble talking to females. Hello, pretty lady! She chirped hopefully. See Rhino-love? T'ke glared at her for interrupting, but at least maybe that would break the ice a little. "Actually," he tried again. "I was hoping to talk to you." He swallowed, looking up. "If you're not busy," he added hurriedly, almost wishing she was. It would be a good excuse to leave.

[Rei]

Erilena blinked at T’ke’s stuttering but kept the smile fixed in place. It was hard not to let it fall though. Poor guy. He was always so flustered when he came around but she comforted herself with the fact that he seemed flustered and nervous around a lot of people not just her. Although the greenrider was pretty much positive she knew why he was so nervous around her. That had been a awkward awakening at best and something she still preferred not to think about. At all. Not because of T’ke. But because Erilena knew that sooner or later it would have to happen again, and this time she had no one to fall back on. Before the greenrider had made a sort of plan with R’ven. Now the brownrider was gone but even had he not been she wasn’t quite sure she could have still brought it up to him, considering that last meeting between them.

Still now was not the time to think of such things and she was about to comment on the fact that it was too bad T’ke was so busy when Shard spoke up. Swallowing Erilena managed a slight smile at the little green mandyr. Poor thing was being so polite. The sight of mandyrs still made her ache a little but it was better than it had been. “Hi Shard and I’m afraid no I haven’t seen Rhino.” Rhino was Iskierka’s mandyr right? She had only seen him maybe once, so she wasn’t sure. It wasn’t as if she had been exactly close with her Weyrlingmaster although the bluerider hadn’t been a bad sort. The bluerider speaking again had her gaze returning to him.

“Me?” It was hard to keep all the surprise from her tone but she managed well enough. Blinking at T’ke Erilena gave a light shrug. “I’m not busy at all. Just studying a little. What do you need?” In all honesty she hadn’t really a clue. What could he possibly have to talk to her about?

[Rowana]

Shard drooped a little, crooning sadly at Erilena's answer. Maybe Rhino had left because she wasn't a good mate? She knew she was ugly looking and shy. He'd probably find someone better where ever he was. T'ke patted her gently, as much to comfort himself as his salamandyr. Her mood didn't help much, but Garaeth was still cheerful so that was a blessing oddly enough. Maybe it was good he had such an optimistic dragon after all.

T'ke fidgeting with his hands. Best to get it out right away, he thought. He'd come this far. "I just wanted to see," he started, almost babbling. "With all that's happening, all these strangers around, and R'ven being gone and all, if you...um..." He froze briefly, then let the rest out in rush. "If you needed anyone to talk to." He turned pink again. He didn't want to come between them, by any means, but he didn't want Erilena to be alone either. Hopefully she wouldn't take it the wrong way.

[Rei]

Erilena’s gaze went back to Shard and she gave the mandyr a sympathetic look. Poor thing. So many had lost people. Including mandyrs it seemed. Which reminded her. She would have to check up on that bronze handler with the depressed gold. Hopefully it was doing better. Hazel eyes returned to T’ke and the greenrider gave a soft smile, her fingers coming up to trail though her hair in her own unconscious nervous gesture. Thankfully before she had to ask again the bluerider started speaking. Her smile slightly faded as she tried to catch all of what he was saying.

Yes a lot had happened. The invasion wing shifts, lots of things. R’ven’s name caused her to raise an eyebrow but she didn’t comment. Not even when T’ke froze. Instead Erilena gave him a confused look. What did her ex boyfriend have to do with anything? Then he let the rest out in a rush and she tried not to frown. Probably the wrong reaction. Thus she titled her head forward and bit her bottom lip before raising her head to look at the bluerider who was blushing again….

That brought a genuine smile to Erilena’s face and she moved off the stool to approach T’ke. Without warning she threw her arms around him in a quick hug. “T’ke. You’re really too sweet. Thank you. I really appreciate the offer I do.” Would the greenrider take him up on it? Maybe. Even if he blushed and stuttered every time she came around he was being genuine and the greenrider appreciated it. There where not very many genuinely nice people left. Hopefully the bluerider never lost that. Stepping back she looked up at him and smiled. “It’s nice to know I have someone other that Feyrianth and Ca’tauri to talk to if I need to.”

For a moment Erilena just stood there before she walked to the other side of the room and pulled another stool up beside her own. Turning back to T’ke she patted it with her hand. “Here sit. We can talk while I study?” Sitting back on her stool she waited for him to comply and then she began in a light conversational tone. “I’ve been doing okay I guess. I miss a lot of people.” Erilena gave T’ke a sidewise glance. “Did anyone you know leave?” For the life of her she couldn’t remember who, if anyone, he talked to on a regular basis. “Things are so different aren’t they? It’s hard to get used to I guess.” No sense in the conversation being completely one sided right?

[Rowana]

For a moment, T'ke was sure he'd said the wrong thing. Maybe he hadn't worded it right. He hadn't wanted to imply that Erilena couldn't look after herself or anything. He'd just thought she might be lonely and he couldn't really stand the idea of something happening to her. He'd lost too many friends, he didn't want to lose another because he was too afraid to come forward. Granted, he was probably the last person to ask in terms of defending anyone. Then, just as he was thinking it might be better if he left, she hugged him.

T'ke didn't even have time to react or back away. Shard purred in his ear at the attention. Hesitantly, T'ke returned the embrace, squeezing her gently before she pulled away. He smiled back sheepishly. "I don't know about that," he said uncertainly. He couldn't remember the last time anyone had called him "sweet." "But I'll do my best." He followed her automatically, almost like a puppy, and sat down. This was going much better than he had anticipated. Maybe he wasn't as bad as he thought.

"Yeah," he agreed as she talked. So many had either died or disappeared. He didn't know anyone who wasn't affected. "Shard misses her mate," he admitted softly. He didn't actually know Iskirika well enough to miss her that badly, but Shard's emotions were pretty strong on her account. He thought for a moment. "C'oar left," he went on slowly, thinking of the man he knew from his weyrling days. They had faced down Bendan riders together and he was sorry the brownrider wasn't here right now. "Some of my wingmates..." It was embarrassing to admit he'd never been close with any of them. Garaeth was right, he needed to get out more. He frowned remembering something. "What wing did they put you on?"

[Rei]

Erilena gave T’ke another soft smile, remaining silent as the bluerider spoke. Her eyes drifted back to the hide in front of her, her nail tapping a beat on it as she swallowed. Shard missed her mate? A lot of people did miss someone. Guess even mandyrs where not immune. Blinking at C’oar’s name she kept her eyes on the scroll. It didn’t sound like T’ke had a lot of people. Then again. The same could be said for her currently. Nodding the greenrider turned her head back towards the man and gave a short smile. “Well what I do is hope. Hope that wherever they are they are safe, comfortable and alive. I don’t have proof and I have no way to find out if that is true or not. But I do have hope and I guess that’s better than nothing.” Fisting her hand so she would stop the nervous tapping Erilena sighed. “My old wing is either scattered, here, or dead. So I guess we have that in common.”

Shaking her head the greenrider pushed the hide away from her. It was impossible to concentrate right now. Stupid to be upset. T’ke had come to talk so probably better to concentrate on that anyway. Catching his words about the wing Erilena gave a nervous laugh. “They put me on the triage wing.” A soft snort. “I’m not sure exactly why. I guess because of Feyrianth. I’ve been here almost two years now and I’ve learned. Tons. But it’s not the same as training at healer hall. I don’t know. I like to think I can make a difference but, at the same time… I worry. Field work isn’t like here I imagine. I’ll do my best. We both will, but there are no guarantees. I could go out there and freeze or I could be fine. I won’t know until it happens.” Looking back up at T’ke she smiled. “What about you? Where did they place you?” Honest curiosity behind the words. Where would they put someone like T’ke. Not that the bluerider wasn’t capable but he was… well really nervous a lot of the time.

[Rowana]

"It's something," T'ke agreed glumly. He admired Erilena's optimism in all this. He doubted their comrades were comfortable at all right now. More than a few of them were probably dead and he wasn't too sure of their chances either. At least they were free to make their own choices. He, Erilena and the others at Selenitas were stuck with Ja'kin and whatever dangers he'd brought with him.

He watched her push the hide away apologetically. He hadn't met to distract her from her studies. He couldn't say he wasn't finding the talk comforting though. Maybe he was the one who really needed company, not that he would ever admit it. He couldn't hide the relief from his face to hear where she was placed. Triage didn't sound so bad to him. At least she wouldn't be on the front lines. "You'll be great," he murmured with a small smile. "Better than me, anyway." He frown and look at the floor uncomfortably. "They put me on Alpha...with Ja'kin."

[Rei]

Erilena watched T’ke’s face almost impassively. It was hard. He looked more upset than she herself was and she wanted to hug him again. Tell him it would be okay. But that would be a huge lie and the bluerider was old enough to see through it anyway. Still, the urge was there and fighting it back was hard. Poor guy. The greenrider’s hand uncurled and, hesitantly, she draped it over her companion’s and gave it a light squeeze. Yeah he was probably going to blush and maybe stammer but it made Erilena feel better to at least attempt to comfort him a little. It was silly and weird but somehow she…almost wanted to protect him. Like one would a little kid and here he had come here to try and comfort her. Funny how things worked out sometimes.

Swallowing Erilena returned the smile but it immediately fell and her eyes widened as he announced what wing he was on. Thankfully the greenrider was able to prevent her mouth from gaping open or anything silly like that but she still had to avert her gaze. T’ke. On the main wing. The new Weyrleader’s. But. That didn’t make any sense. Where they trying to mock him or something? Irritation built up in the greenrider’s chest but she forced it down only so it could be replaced with genuine worry. Why?

Erilena’s gaze went back to T’ke who was staring at the floor. Her hand tightened on his almost in reflex. When she finally chose to speak her voice was stronger than she thought it would be. “Don’t be silly. You’ll do great. Besides there are people who would be more than willing to help you with things if you needed them. Me included. Even if all you need at the time is a listening ear.” Already the greenrider was wracking her brain on who she could ask to give T’ke extra lessons or something. Last thing she needed was another friend gone.

[Rowana]

T'ke smiled gratefully at Erilena. At least someone besides Garaeth thought he'd be fine. He half thought his wing placement was some kind of joke they were playing on Ja'kin, sticking him with the fainting dragonrider. He knew pretty much everyone here new of his 'incidents' by now, but the Wastelanders didn't. Not unless someone had told them anyway. They would probably learn soon enough, he supposed.

"Thanks," he said sincerely. She sounded so sure, he almost believed it himself. "Garaeth says I worry too much, but I'll need all the help I can get." He was already squeezing in extra flying time and working in the infirmary was helping the squeamishness about blood. He couldn't do much about stressful situations, however, time would tell. "I hope Ja'kin's not in the habit of disposing of useless people," he laughed bitterly.

[Rei]

The greenrider brushed off the thanks with a wave of her hand. “It’s what friends do. You don’t have to thank me. You just have to try your best and I will to. It will all be alright. That’s what I tell myself on a daily basis. You have to hope for some things. I’ve learned that recently. If you don’t have hope then you’ll never get anywhere. You just turn in circles in the dark. Sometimes you have to find your own light and believe me. It isn’t easy sometimes.” Wrinkling her nose Erilena made a face. Then turning her head back to T’ke and patting his hand the woman gave a soft smile. “So you promise me that you’ll never give up and I’ll promise you the same. Then we hold each other to that. Wandering around in the dark is easy but it’s easier to find the light if you have someone to help you look.” Hazel eyes examined the bluerider before her before she dipped her head to catch his gaze.

“I don’t think he’d do that. At least I hope he wouldn’t. I wouldn’t allow it to happen anyway.” Not that Erilena could likely stop it. No matter what she tried but… She’d lost way too many friends. Those still left where now beyond precious and no way she was letting any of them go without a fight. No the greenrider was resolved that what she had left would stay untouched and that included T’ke. Besides as a healer the greenrider had access to a vast variety of things, as well as the knowledge base to use them. Baring that Erilena had people she could ask for info. That thought caused a chill to shoot down the woman’s spine. Even thinking of such things made her vaguely nauseous but… One could only come up with so many ways to protect if they didn’t have physical strength and not all poisons killed. there was still one part of the bluerider’s statement she had yet to address though. Something that she had to say.

Rolling up her scroll in one sudden movement Erilena tied it with the leather tie and then turned to fully face T’ke. “T’ke I don’t ever want to hear you say you are useless again. You understand me?” Levering him with a mildly scolding gaze she continued. “Me saying that is really more pot calling kettle black than you know. But believe me. Calling yourself such things doesn’t help anything. I learned that the real hard way. Everyone has something they are good at even if they don’t see it. Garaeth sees it. You have to try to as well. So if you ever say that you are useless again and I hear it I’ll smack you and that’s a promise.” If the greenrider could prevent someone from going through the same loss and pain she had just been through than she would. Maybe it would help. Maybe not. But she couldn't not try with T’ke.

[Rowana]

Did girls always talk this much? T'ke had to admit, he wasn't sure. He hadn't had a conversation like this with a girl in quite a long time. His step mother used to lecture him, but Erilena wasn't doing that. Her words were comforting, even if he wasn't sure he could follow the advice. Maybe it was his nature to be hopeless. Good thing Garaeth was around, or he'd been a huge mess. Of course, if Garaeth wasn't around, he'd probably be back home being yelled at by his step mother for being a lazy book worm.

He smiled weakly back at her when she touched his hand. "I promise I'll try," he agreed, though he didn't sound overly hopeful. It was nice that she was willing to defend him, but he wasn't sure that would help. The next words made him lean back in surprise. His eyes widened. Was she mad at him? Goodness women were scary! "I...um...I won't," he blurted nervously. Garaeth was always saying the same things, if not as harshly, so he knew it was true. Hard to believe sometimes, but true. It was hard to believe Erilena going through anything like that. She seemed so strong. "I guess we can try to keep each other accountable," he suggested, feeling silly.

[Rei]

Content with T’ke’s promise of at least trying Erilena smiled and then moved her hand from his. Leaning over she stuck the scroll she had been looking at into her bag and then sat back up to face T’ke. No she wasn’t expecting any miracles or even change right off the bat. But maybe with time and a little bit of coaxing he’d do better. The greenrider hoped so anyway. No one was really a lost cause. Even if they thought themselves one and persistence usually paid off in the end.

The bluerider’s nervousness however almost caused her to frown but Erilena fought back the expression and smiled softly at him instead. “Good. I mean it T’ke no picking at yourself.” Oh he was bound to do it when she wasn’t around. At least for awhile but maybe her threat would do some good? He certainly seemed a little nervous now. Which was….odd. The greenrider wasn’t used to people being scared of her. In fact she couldn’t think of one time when someone had been. The woman just simply wasn’t scary. She didn’t yell, or throw things or anything like that. Mostly she just went quiet and sometimes cried when she got upset. Fighting had never been something Erilena enjoyed and she certainly wasn’t good at. It just….didn’t feel right.

Pushing the stool away from the table she turned and smiled brightly at T’ke. “Sounds good to me. We’ll do our best to help each other out.” Picking up the bag the greenrider slipped it over her shoulder and then regarded the bluerider for a few silent moments. “I’ve got a short break now. I was going to go get something to eat. Do you want to join me?” It wasn’t like she had anyone else to go with and maybe if she had company it would spur her to let the break last longer than a few simple minutes. The man may be a little nervous but well she did consider him a friend and he wasn’t bad company. He was jumpy and quiet but well… That was T’ke.

[Rowana]

T'ke managed a relieved smile and relaxed a little. Erilena was a nice girl, he decided, like Saeo and Raylin had been. One of his greatest sorrows was his inability to do more than babble when he'd talked with them. He wouldn't keep his friends so distant now. He might not be great in the face of danger, but he could still try to defend them. Or be a good distraction, whatever worked.

T'ke rose automatically when she did. "Oh, um, sure?" he answered, a little uncertain, but less than before. It seemed a bit sudden, but he was willing enough. If nothing else, he could try to get Shard to eat a bit. She'd lost her appetite moaning about how Rhino didn't love her anymore. It was silly really, since as far as T'ke knew, that wasn't possible. Who knew though? Salamandyrs were strange creatures to be sure. He shifted on his feet, but it was getting easier to talk to Erilena. At least she didn't seem to mind if he babbled. "After you?"