I’m all in tonight. (Req)

[Rei]

Feyrianth shifted on her ledge and flared her wings outwards. You are quiet. Erilena looked up from her spot curled on the bed where she was busy brushing Ca’tauri. “I don’t have much to say.” You still do not like them. The greenrider gave a soft snort. “No I don’t but we don’t have many options and I’d rather keep you and me alive. You’re my world Feyrianth. You know that.” Giving the purring large feline a final scratch under the chin she got up and moved out of the weyr and over to the four winged dragon, R’ven’s cat hot on her heels. Ever since she had ‘rescued’ the fluffy feline from her ex boyfriends overturned weyr Ca’tauri had been clingy. Not surprising. The poor thing missed R’ven, the scruffy cat had even gotten out once or twice and Erilena had always found her outside the door of R’ven’s old weyr. Likely waiting for him to come home. It was heartbreaking in more ways then one.

Ca’tauri had adjusted well enough however, and now she preferred to stick to the woman like glue whenever she was home. Erilena had once joked to R’ven about getting him a cat leash for his birthday. Now she was seriously considering getting one herself. If only to keep the feline happy. The rest of the brownrider’s small group of felines had been missing. Whether they went feral or R’ven had gotten rid of them before the invasion she wasn’t completely sure. But Ca’tauri had been there and that alone had given Erilena some small bit of relief. Everything was so different, but at least she could take care of one thing. The greenrider had always been attached to her ex boyfriend’s cat and now that she could see Ca’tauri everyday she didn’t have to miss her. Having her to curl up with at night was beyond comforting and she had even taken to sleeping in her bed again. Solely so she could curl up with the cat and one of R’ven’s shirts. Pathetic? Probably. But Erilena truly didn’t care. They both missed him but at least now they could miss him together. Chat like girlfriends do. Was it weird to claim a cat as a girlfriend?

Speaking of missing. The greenrider missed a lot of people. The list was insanely long. The days following the attack had kept Erilena busy at the infirmary and now that she had a little time left to herself on occasion she found the silence a bit too much to bare. Everyone was gone. Nephele, K’sel, R’ven, Savitri, Meira, even some of the kids she used to adore and play with at the creche. It was as if almost everyone she had ever cared about had simply been taken away. Everyone but a select few, and those few she either didn’t know very well, weren’t very close to, or in one case preferred to pretend she did not exist.

Dancer knows you exist. Erilena rubbed Feyrianth’s eye ridge. “At least I know he is still alive. For once I’m happy that the wherhandlers are ignored as much as they are.” You should go see him. You want to. Have for awhile. What stops you? The greenrider bit her lip. “The fact that he’s not going to be happy to see me? The fact that I haven’t been a friend that he deserves. The fact that if I don’t go see him I can at least pretend he still likes me?” That’s silly. Erilena gave a snort. “I know but it doesn’t stop me from thinking those things.” Erilena ran fingers through her hair. “But you are right. I might as well just swallow my fear and see him shouldn’t I? I’ve put it off for too long. At least this way I’ll know one way or another.”

Titling her head the green nuzzled her bonded’s face, her warm breath causing the woman to shiver. Yes. That is better than pretending and worrying. I approve. Smiling Erilena pressed a kiss to her dragon’s muzzle. “Alright then. I’ll go. I’d ask you to give me a ride but it’s going to start getting dark really soon and I don’t want you caught out in it.” No more than I want you out in the dark alone. Be careful and let someone walk you home. Even if it is the funny handler with the sick and sad gold. Nodding Erilena bent down and picked up Ca’tauri. “Keep her company?” The green dragon crooned softly. I always keep the fluffy company, she likes to play chase the shadows when you are gone. I can make good shadows. The woman gave a soft laugh. “I’m sure she appreciates it.” With a final goodbye to them both Erilena exited her weyr.

The trip to the wherhandler apartments wasn’t terribly long but the time spent getting there was enough that Erilena felt actually almost sick to her stomach when the waterfall hidden corridors finally came into view. Maybe he wasn’t even home? Dusk had fallen after all and Dmitri’s schedule might have changed. He was probably eating. She should have just gone and looked for him in the main hall. Halting her mental processes as she walked up to the door that she was, pretty sure, was his Erilena rapped on the door. No time to talk herself out of it. Best just get it over and done with. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Or maybe it would be terrible.

Either way it was better than doing nothing.

[Requiem]

No, no, not best skin. Harperlove change must. Like dark leafy green, tight. Pretty Harperlove, put on Dementia for, yes? Squinting at the creature rubbing over his jaw, Dmitri sighed. "Only if it's the last time. You wanted this one just a second ago." Pretty blue good, not best. Match nightbeast. Leafy green better much. Now his face was twisting into an amused smirk. "You're jealous of Dmisk because I'd be wearing the same color as his hide? Are you kidding me?" He tugged off the blue shirt obediently and began lacing up the tighter green one, until she mentally nudged him to stop and nuzzled against the small span of chest that remained exposed. "Are you sure this green is good? I'd match the trees, you know." Harperlove no love trees. Love nightbeast, though, she stated accusingly. "He was here first." Cue sticking out his tongue, which the little gold batted at. Mate should love Dementia best. Pants now. Another sigh. "What's wrong with my pants?"

By the time Dementia was satisfied with how her 'mate' looked, it was well past the time he usually headed to the dining hall for breakfast. She'd even demanded the dark fingerless gloves instead of the longer ones. The sleeve covered the arm so he didn't protest. Dmitri wasn't exactly pleased to find her glowing, especially with the memory of the last time lurking at the back of his mind. It would just be perfect to randomly start putting on a strip show for Wastelanders in a public place. Nevertheless, it was hard to be too upset about it. She was radiating more love and affection than what she did normally, which was saying a lot. Of course, it also made her jealous of people, beasts, and inanimate objects. She'd decided his pillow was her enemy just this afternoon.

Dmisk had gathered up all the feathers since then, pushing them over onto his couch. He didn't mind the little goldthing's insanity, especially when it made his sleep that much more comfortable. His outer lids slid open, slits of clam blue-green focusing on the door. A meatbag who didn't belong was slinking down the hall, but he remembered this one. Dmisk was unlikely to forget the healer who'd helped His. Dmitri's eyes flicked to the blue wher (he'd gotten distinctly better at reading Dmisk without the blue having to mentally prod him) and then toward his door. Really?

Then, because Dementia was every bit as tightly woven into their threesome, the gold frilled and hissed venemously. Evil she-dog, user, no have mate no more, want mine. Dementia eat her face, chew, chew, spit up shove down throat. Make bleed. Dmitri was only slightly less annoyed, and Dementia's spite made him laugh aloud, stroking a finger down her spine. "Shhhh, no face eating. It'll make your hide look messy." Is worth it, the gold grumbled, rustling her wings, but she subsided as Dmitri moved to open the door and lean against the doorframe, his cold eyes running over Erilena.

He brusquely straightened the shoulders of her shirt which had slipped out of place and tugged a strand of hair back into submission before he thought about the actions. "Look like shit." Dementia was emanating evil glee at the comment. Like runner poopoo. "What, is everyone else gone or something?" Never come see Harperlove, only make she-dog sounds, moan, complain. Always Harperlove friend complain about. Stupid she-dog. "Whatever. Come in, if you really want to." Yes, go 'way now. We no like- Then, apparently, she realized what he'd said. What?

[Rei]

Erilena heard Dementia before anything else and she worried her bottom lip slightly. Mandyrs where never a good thing, or even a welcome sight anymore, and Demi’s gold had been her Leo’s sister. The little gold never had anything nice to say, from what the greenrider remembered, and mandyrs where a rude species to begin with so she didn’t take much stock in the insults. Not currently anyway. Heck Lust could be a nasty little thing to and she saw that bronze daily. It was almost second nature to just ignore the chatter anymore.

Movement had Erilena blinking up at Dmitri as he opened the door and proceeded to lean against the frame. Before the woman could open her mouth to say anything however the handler was adjusting her clothing and moving a strand of her messy blonde hair from her face. His words caused her to flinch slightly and she grimaced. “Been a long sevenday. You look good.” That was all Erilena could think to offer before her gaze went to the little gold mandyr, who was glowing…. Oh shards. Couldn’t have picked a better time for this could she? Proddy gold would likely mean a Dmitri that was a bit more vicious than normal. That was just perfect. She clearly had the best timing ever. Not like she could run now and even if she could what good would it do? Couldn’t run forever.

Stepping forward the greenrider shook her head in the negative. “No. Not everyone is gone. I just wanted to see you. I’ve been putting it off because I was afraid of what would happen.” There honesty. That was better than lying wasn’t it? Hopefully. Hazel eyes flicked to Dmitri’s cold blue ones before going back to Dementia, who was spouting off at the mouth again. It was hard not to wince at the little creatures words. Instead Erilena twisted a strand of her hair nervously and half smiled at the gold, the gesture lacking any type of warmth, almost resigned.

“You’re right Dementia. Such a smart girl you are. I complain far too much.” Friendly the tone was and lacking any type of sarcasm, because in all honesty? Yes the gold was being mean, but it wasn’t as if she didn’t deserve the ire and probably much more besides. As such when Demi offered to let her in the greenrider blinked in surprise and echoed Dementia’s words, only mentally instead of aloud. What? Seriously? That was a stupid question. When was Dmitri anything but serious?

Stepping into the apartment the rider gave a soft and warm hello to Dmisk before turning back towards the tall harper. Erilena hadn’t expected to get even this far and so she was completely without a plan. Acting off her own emotions was probably not the best action either. Because the greenrider wanted to hug him or something but if she did, it would no doubt send Dementia on a rampage which would not be helpful nor pleasant. At all. Instead she closed a bit of the distance between them and reached out to lightly touch the handler’s arm. Her nose wrinkled in annoyance at herself.

“I don’t even really know where to start. Or even how I can begin. It’s irritating.” Dropping her hand Erilena looked up at Dmitri, forcing herself to meet his eyes. Damn it why did he intimidate her? “I’m sorry. I don’t even feel right calling you my friend because I certainly haven’t been the greatest one to you. I wanted to make sure you where okay. So I had Feyrianth check as soon as I could calm her. But she could only tell me that you where alive. Not how you where.” She trailed off. Then she had become immersed in the infirmary caring for the injured and counting the dead.

“Have you eaten yet?” Maybe having something to do besides standing and feeling like she wanted to melt into the floor would make this easier?

[Requiem]

No talk like Dementia little hatchling is, the gold muttered darkly. Was the humanthing actually being patronizing to her?! The nerve! Course harperlove look good, course Dementia smart. Soon run, mate, my mate find other. Her eyes slitted, giving off a baleful red glow. Dmitri wasn't involving himself in this conversation, which was both good and bad. It meant he wasn't completely overwhelmed by his little gold cling-on (something that was very possible given how she radiated stronger than normal when proddy, and she radiated an insane amount to begin with). The fact that he wasn't stopping her, though, had its own set of tells; Dmitri didn't really care to have Erilena's company. It probably had something to do with the fact that R'ven was gone. He was the only friend of Dmitri's the bluehandler didn't have to filter himself with and he already missed him. Seeing the man's ex was doing little to improve his mood.

Dmisk's head came up, calm blues whirling slowly, and the male stretched cat-like before recurling on his bed of feathers. The scarred male liked her well enough, but apparently it didn't go far enough to actually give her a croon or a greeting. He hardly ever made a sound, even with His, and really wasn't that fond of talking unless he had to, either.

The brief moment of peace was shattered by a loud hiss that sounded suspiciously like a curseword, Dementia's frill flaring as she raced down his arm. Dmitri had already stepped back, though, face stony, and the gold had to be satisfied with simply slashing at the empty air where Erilena's hand used to be. No touch, ugly she-dog. Murder, maul, kill. "Has anyone ever mentioned that you lose eloquence when angry, Men?" Tell her, harperlove. Tell her how Dementia claw eyes out, make scoopy bowls for Dementia babies eat when hatch. "I think she got the idea." Better get idea. Should touch, Dementia added to the greenrider with pseudo sweetness. Hatchlingloves happy eat eyes, grateful she-dog stupid.

You irritating. Dmitri, for his part, was merely eyeing Erilena rather unforgivingly, but he hadn't said anything in response to her words. Mostly because it would just be agreement. If she was expecting the polite reassurances that social graces demanded, she'd be disappointed. It was then that Dmisk nosed up to Erilena and rubbed against her reassuringly, cocking his head at His. Dmitri glanced down at the fingers of his left hand, apparently studying his cuticles. No want. Stupid she-dog no understand? Harperlove no like you. "We were going to breakfast anyway. Public place. If you want to come along, I really can't stop you." It was the most he was apparently willing to give her.

Dmitri brushed past Erilena, careful not to touch so as not to set off his golden shoulder demon, who had returned to her guardpost and was watching Erilena with no small amount of hatred. Even as her tail stroked along Dmitri's neck lovingly. No need ugly she-dog, the gold was telling Hers soothingly. No one like her. If go cold other-place during night, no one care. Dementia make better, Harperlove, you see.

[Rei]

Okay yes she definitely was feeling like melting into the floor would be just about perfect right now. Swallowing Erilena simply looked at Dementia and said nothing. There was nothing she could offer and the little gold creature was broadcasting quite clearly her detest. Nothing the greenrider could do would change this. Of that she was positive. Erilena had tried to reason with mandyrs before. Some of them where simply just stubborn and Dementia was proddy which really, really didn’t help matters. At all. Even on a good day though the gold was known to be a bit nasty so this really wasn’t all that surprising. Instead the woman chose to focus on something else. Movement had her head turning to look at Dmisk.

At least he wasn’t radiating hate at her. In fact the blue wher seemed completely calm which was totally at odds with what the little gold was projecting. Then again Erilena remembered that the wher had always been a clam sort. Not overly affectionate nor inclined to like being touched. But calm and nice enough in his own way. She watched him stretch before turning back to Dmitri.

Apparently touching had indeed been a bad idea. Erilena was suddenly very glad she hadn’t given into the impulse to hug him. She watched the gold mandyr with something akin to nervousness. Dmitri’s words to his pet didn’t really surprise her at all. Only served to remind the greenrider that this was likely futile. She felt her eyes start to water but she swallowed down the impulse to cry and let her hands hang at her side. The fingernails of her left one biting into her palm with the thought that pain would help. It wasn’t as if she had expected any different right? Dementia’s ire was well placed. Sad as that was to admit. Wasn’t she just protecting her bonded? Like Fey would do. Only with less hate. For a moment the woman let her gaze travel from the mandyr to Dmitri. His gaze however caused her drop hers to the ground. Apparently there was little she could do, and he didn’t seem about to offer anything. Now what?

Sudden breath on her skin caused Erilena to flinch and slightly jump but she relaxed a bit when she saw it was only Dmisk. Lightly she placed a slightly trembling hand on the blue wher’s neck and softly stroked it. To Dementia she shrugged and whispered softly although it was likely only Dmisk could hear. “Yeah Dementia I get it.” The greenrider fell silent then, choosing to concentrate on the cool hide beneath her fingers. She moved her hand back and forth, rubbing in circles against the blue hide, transferring her emotions into action in the desire to keep from crying like an idiot. When Dmitri spoke she just slowly nodded and offered nothing else. He wasn’t looking at her anyway.

Unbidden her hand trailed down Dmisk as Erilena made to follow the harper. Why she still trailed after him she wasn’t completely sure. There was really no reason for it. At least when they got to the Main Hall she could break off and go home. Dmitri could unintentionally, in a way walk, her home but not really. At least she would be safe enough from whatever the darkness brought. Dementia’s words caused her to flinch, a few tears finally trickling down her face but she made no sound. It wasn’t true. Plenty of people would be sad, care, if she died. Her parents, Nephele, K’sel, R’ven , (he had never given her any reason to think he hated her after all), the remaining kids at the creche, Kali, (even if it was just because she’d lose another healer), maybe even a few others she wasn’t particularly close to. A small bit of anger built up inside Erilena then. “You’re wrong. Plenty of people would miss me. Just not you.” Yes her voice was trembling a bit but at least the words where clear enough. Still she kept her head down, focusing on the ground in front of her. “I really am sorry. There isn’t really anything more I can say to fix things. Words don't work and I certainly can’t take back the past.”

Because yes, addressing the ground was better than speaking to the back of his head. At least she didn’t have to look at Dmitri this way and risk losing what little control she still had.

[Requiem]

Dmisk endured her touch patiently. It was true that he wasn't much for being touched, but the blue wher had been known to make exceptions on occasion. Apparently this was one of them. It wasn't unlike the reason for his chasing his clutchsisters, actually; he had no desire to offend the whers that he genuinely had some affection for. Dmisk did not forget things. Erilena's help was not forgotten, and if the blue could be grateful, he would be for the life of His. Much as it might surprise a lot of creatures, human and wher alike, there was nothing shallow or convenient about his love for his handler. The blue just didn't express emotion. Pragmatically, having Erilena around was good for His, if only because the man might need that sort of help again. So it would not do to drive her off, now would it? Not that His nor the gold one were about to be reasonable about it. Sometimes acting as the voice of reason could be quite tiring. So Dmisk did what he could, pressing against her, convincing Dmitri to at least let her tag along to his breakfast if she wanted to. The girl's timing...could have been better. A Dementia about to Run was never a good time to start trying to repair rifts.

Who miss stupid-ugly? Dementia returned challengingly. Dmitri's eyes had tracked around to regard her narrowly, wondering who she was talking to. Better to assume it was Dementia. The bluehandler didn't care to get into it with her any more than it was already bound to happen. "You're arguing with a salamandyr," he stated dryly. His tone made it clear how intelligent he thought that was. Best, all salamandyrs, the gold added, puffing up a little. "Mhm." Harperlove knows. Why still here? she asked Erilena with enough curiosity that it wasn't completely spiteful. Maybe the stupid one just liked the punishment. Stupid she-dog.

Dmitri gritted his teeth, resisting the urge to grind them together. How familiar did that sound. He felt sorry for R'ven; he truly did. At least with Elysia, she knew to give it up. Or, rather, was too proud to try, but either way he'd only had to hear it once. "If you know words can't fix anything, why do you keep insisting on trying?" Try flap arms, fly away too? "Look, I'm not stupid. R'ven and I were - are - close. You pulled away. It didn't surprise me. Ever since you found out, all you talked to me about was him, anyway. Do I really want that sort of relationship with anyone? No. Not really. So I was fine when you stopped coming around. You can't really expect me to be fine with your decision that I was more useful as someone to complain to than as a friend though. I'm an asshole, but I don't use my friends, and I don't abandon them."

He turned his head to fix her with his stare for the first time. "And I'm not okay with people doing that to me. So no. Your apologies and little 'can't turn back times' are not going to do any good. You want my trust back? Earn it." He snorted. "Words are cheap. A harper should know." The boy regarded her for another moment. "That kicked dog sad thing is actually pretty infuriating, just so you know. What, are you trying to make me feel bad that I'm upset with you? Take responsibility for yourself, shard it. What is it with you women and the whole victim act?" Clearly no longer really just talking about Erilena.

[Rei]

Close she kept to Dmisk, taking comfort in the fact that at least the blue didn’t seem to want to eat her. Even if his master seemed less than tolerant of her presence currently. That in and of itself was odd but not odd enough to warrant more than a few minutes of thought. Erilena instead trailed behind Dmitri and his golden attack dog, her hand lingering on the blue wher, and remaining simply a silent presence. Wouldn’t do her any good to talk anyway the greenrider reasoned. The harper didn’t seem to be in the mood to talk. Which was probably a good and bad thing.

Dementia though was hard to ignore, the woman would admit that. It was getting her nowhere to respond to the creature and yet she kept getting sucked back into saying something. Dmitri’s comment through had the words Erilena was going to offer Dementia dying on her tongue. Okay so maybe arguing with the gold was stupid but well at least through the gold she got a little taste of the animosity the owner was feeling toward her. Couldn’t say she liked it but at least she knew now. Instead of responding verbally she just gave a nod and resolved herself to ignoring Dementia.

Erilena’s steps grew slower as Dmitri started speaking and before she could answer, what she assumed was an actual question or maybe it was just rhetorical, he went on. Hot tears pricked at the corners of her eyes but there was…absolutely nothing to argue. It’s not like anything he said wasn’t true. The greenrider had pulled away. From everyone. Including Feyrianth. And yes perhaps in a way she had used Dimitri, although in all honestly it had never been intentional. Here Erilena even almost sympathized with the harper. Because well he had been stuck between two supposed friends and really that was where she had kind of been stuck between Nephele and K’sel. No matter how hard you tried it was impossible to be unbiased and Erilena was 100% sure she knew who Dmitri had biased towards and it sure wasn’t her. Not that she could blame him one bit. R’ven had been his friend first and male besides so it was only natural that once things fell apart she became the enemy. The one where all the blame fell and really it honestly all belonged there anyway.

But that didn’t mean she hadn’t still liked Dmitri and cared about him. He’d always been patient with her, kind, given advice when he could. No Erilena had just figured she’d pretty much be unwelcome. Which once she realized how stupid that sounded it was really probably too late to do anything about it. Thus here the greenrider was. Trying to salvage at least something and once again feeling like she was coming away with nothing. Quietly all Erilena offered was a simple. “You’re right. I can’t, and I don’t blame you one bit for not wanting me near you. I’d want me gone to.”

There she stopped, simply because it was obvious that the harper to had stopped walking. Still the greenrider didn’t try to meet his gaze though. She could feel him looking at her but she was also sure that if she lifted her head she’d start actually crying and that wouldn’t help anything. Only make him more irritated than he already was. Erilena shrugged at his words. Trust takes awhile to build and once you destroy it? It became almost impossible to rebuild. Not that she wouldn’t try if the option was open to her. Still…she had no clue where to even start. How did you try to earn someone’s trust back if they didn’t even want you around? Annoying them with your presence was counterproductive wasn’t it? Again she felt just has helpless as she had felt that day with R’ven. It was like….she didn’t know what to do. How to react, or even what to say and everything she tried to do or say seemed to be the wrong thing. So then what was right? Why was it so hard for her to just sharding say something right at least once? Why did she have to continue to lose everything she loved or cared for? Words where obviously not her strong suit and on the flip side lately her actions hadn’t been doing so well either. But at least she was resolved to try?

It was still irritating and upsetting regardless. Swallowing Erilena finally found her tongue and even got up enough nerve to at least raise her head. For a moment the greenrider was able to met his eyes before her gaze fell to somewhere near his chest. “It’s not an act. I’m upset. Mostly with myself. I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I’m trying not to start blubbering if you must know. Well known fact that guys hate waterworks so I’m trying to save you the increased irritation.” A soft humorless snort before she continued. “I’m not a victim either so you can stop seeing me as one. You’re the one I hurt not the other way around so how can I be a victim? I’m just…trying to work out how I can start to repair things when you don’t even want me around. Cause if coming to talk to or see you is just going to further upset you then you’re better off if I stay gone. I want to try and at least repair things. I do. I just…” Trailing off she wiped a few escaped tears away and gave a soft humorless laugh. “I’m obviously really bad at this.”

[Requiem]

Okay, he wasn't sure why he'd expected her to understand, given her track record. Because in all truthfulness he didn't know why she had a right to be upset. What was it with people and sulking about choices they'd made? Maybe it worked with other people, this display of regret that honestly seemed a lot more like manipulation to him than actual regret, but Dmitri had never been someone easy to guilt. He wasn't wrong to be upset with her. If she didn't like it, well, tough. And no, it didn't get her any points to be upset about his not being all nice and sweet to her. Dmitri was a pretty bad person to pick as your cure-all bandage to start with. He wasn't nice even when he wasn't being mean.

Dementia, of course, was less quick to simply dismiss the whole thing. That would just be too easy, after all. Besides, she was pretty sure she could make the stupid she-dog leak. That was a delightful prospect. Silly silly she-dog. Harperlove no throw out, the 'mandyr uttered sweetly to her. She-dog throw out harperlove. Whoopsies? Now want back? Cute, silly, stupid she-dog. When get back, throw out again? Make eyes strong male thickhead? Want harperlove back when thickhead no want stupid? Harperlove stupid, let she-dog play like that. Dementia's harperlove not stupid.

"That's enough," the boy snapped at the gold. She hissed back at him, not liking his tone, but almost instantly fell to apologetic crooning. The red was prominent again in her eyes. Clearly, she was blaming Erilena for the rebuke. The harper hadn't stopped her for Erilena's sake, however. His gold didn't know when to keep her mouth shut, and which things not to say. Dmitri didn't say things for a reason and he didn't like her spilling the thoughts that ran through his head just to snipe at the girl. Or really, he didn't like Dementia spilling the thoughts in his head at all. Because yes, he truly did believe that Erilena would get herself all nicely wrapped up in whatever new crush she found and yay, here goes the same old cycle all over again.

Enough of this. He didn't care to argue with a wall. (Erilena was bound to argue, too. It was like in her blood or something.) He settled for just saying, "Yes, you are," in response to her claim that she was terrible at this. It was the truth. Dmisk had slipped off once Dmitri first opened his mouth, back to the apartments and his sisters. The wherhandler stepped behind Erilena and prodded her forward. No need to put on a show for the curious. "How about we just stop feeling sorry for ourselves and beating a dead runner?" Really, if she kept on talking he was going to be tempted to beat her. Or throw her in the river. Now that was a thought.

[Rei]

Really people should have been gifted with the ability to just disappear at will. It would make things like this so much simpler. She wouldn’t have to sit here and wish she could somehow just kind of melt into the ground or something. Dmisk leaving hadn’t helped. Now Erilena had nothing to take the edge off her nervousness. More than half of her just wanted Dmitri to get it over with and dismiss her so she could go home and cry in peace. All the waiting for something that she knew was already going to happen was killing her. Okay not literally but it sure felt like it. Why was he being so quiet again. It didn’t really bode well. Or at least not in the greenrider’s opinion. Rubbing briefly at her eyes and trying to be subtle about it the woman slowly raised her head to look at the harper but Dementia had started to speak and so her gaze defaulted to the mandyr instead.

Yeah don’t listen or argue with the mandyr. Erilena remembered that. It was pointless and besides there was nothing she could really say back to the gold anyway. She would hate her regardless, damn little female was just plain nasty. Again the greenrider was reminded of why she had started to dislike the species as a whole. No Leo had not been bad. He had been sweeter than some fire lizards she knew. But his death had left a terrible wound that had just recently mostly healed. Erilena could stand to talk to and see mandyrs again but she kept herself extremely distant from them when she could. They where just more trouble than they where worth and losing them was just plain horrible. They broke people. In more ways than one. Dmitri’s sudden snap had the greenrider flinching back automatically more because it startled her than anything else. Sad hazel eyes regarded him for a moment before flicking to Dementia and then back to him. Yeah that gold was really going to hate her.

Erilena was really kicking herself on the timing. Had to catch him when his mandyr was proddy. Not that it would have gone well either way but the gold’s moodiness sure wasn’t helping matters at all. Another slight flinch as the harper agreed with her statement but no comment. Yep the greenrider was terrible with words. They never came out right and no matter how sincere she tried to be it was like it never came across. It was aggravating in tons of ways and it wasn’t getting better. Maybe she just tried too hard? Then Dmitri was moving and Erilena blinked at him, slightly confused, as he prodded her forward. Oh right. Moving. Main Hall. With a brief nod to his words the greenrider started forward silently. There really was nothing more she could say and at any rate Dmitri hardly seemed to be in the mood for conversation.

[Requiem]

Well, he had to admit that Erilena had actually managed to surprise him. The older girl - he just really couldn't bring himself to think of her as a woman - had actually stopped talking. It almost made him want to pry her mouth open and see if the old phase 'feline got your tongue' had any truth to it. Apparently she was willing to let it go, for once. Even Dementia was being good. The stretching silence was becoming really awkward, though. He wasn't quite sure what to do with it, especially since Erilena looked so stricken. Wasn't it clear that he'd let it go? Maybe not. Or maybe he'd just been too harsh. He did have a habit of being aggressively blunt, especially when emotions were involved.

"I could've tried harder too, I suppose," he finally allowed. Yes, he could have. She probably hadn't even noticed how she was cutting him out. The girl had still been talking to him, after all. The thought had gone through his head that something might be wrong, but he'd already been bitter about her gradual distancing, and it was just easier to assume that she'd finally pulled away completely. His hands found their way into his pockets as they continued toward the dining hall. "It's kind of easy to get wrapped up in your own thing, you know? Had Elysia and the Sentinel, R'ven. You'd been preoccupied with him for awhile and then you just stopped showing up at all. I never really thought it could be anything but not wanting me around."

Dmitri wasn't giving her a chance to interrupt him now, if only because he knew how easily his mood could pass with his 'mandyr in full glow. "It's even kind of hypocritical. I've barely talked to Eikane and Nautic after I moved in with Elysia, and I don't remember even seeing Yoalla more than a handful of times. The last time I spoke to Raebeli - before the feast, anyway - was when this happened." His fingers brushed over the burned side of his face. "She came to make sure I was alright. So maybe I was too quick to assume you were just writing me off. I never really meant to exclude any of them from my life, either." The harper's eyes drifted toward Erilena. "Why did you stop coming to see me in the mornings? I was always there..."

[Rei]

Step by step their destination was approaching and it was almost depressing in a way to note that. Cause wasn’t that the end of whatever this whole thing had been right? An exercise in her making an idiot out of herself. Again. Taking her bottom lip between her teeth Erilena briefly worried at it as the silence continued. To break the monotony of their footsteps she started making a beat of them in her head. One, two. One two. Three, four. One… Dmitri’s voice brought her back from her inner thoughts and the greenrider’s head snapped up and around to look at the harper.

For a moment she simply blinked at him in surprise and then she offered a small half smile. He was…,or at least seemed to be, willing to also accept some of the blame? That was entirely and completely unexpected and it made her want to hug him. However Erilena did remember Dementia and what had happened when she dared to just lightly touch his arm so she carefully corralled the impulse, and instead gave a light nod of agreement. It was all too easy to get wrapped up with ones own things. Whether they be physical or not.

Oh the greenrider wanted to respond to the handler. Badly. But Dmitri was right. Beating a dead horse would do no good and they where both painfully aware that she had messed things up. Hurt him. Bringing up excuses and reasoning would not change anything so Erilena just continued to stay silent, although the desire to say something only grew. It had never been a case of not wanting him around. It had been more a case of her being so wrapped up in her own depression that she neglected everything in favor of punishing herself in a sense. For things beyond her control. Bit by bit the greenrider’s actions had eaten and worn away at those who cared about her until they all just got tired of it and left. Leaving her completely alone. Or at least feeling that way. All except Feyrianth because her dragon was physically and mentally incapable of leaving her. So no, it had never been a case of not wanting him. It had been a case of her being her own worst enemy.

Hazel eyes regarded him a bit sadly as he went on. Obviously they where both guilty of being a little self absorbed. But life changed. People went on. It really took effort on both parts didn’t it? One person couldn’t carry everything. They could try but in the end unless both parties where willing, any attempt would go nowhere. It was a situation that unfortunately Erilena had encountered more than once before and it never got any easier. Finally however there was a question and the greenrider turned her gaze to the harper locking gazes for a moment before giving a sad smile. “Why? I was so wrapped up in my own shortcomings that I started to little by little shove everything out of my life. It started small and then just grew until it had snowballed to the point where I just didn’t have the strength or maybe the sight to stop it.” Her pace slowed for a few moments as she dropped her head. “I stopped coming to see you. I stopped talking to Nephele. I stopped talking to K’sel. I lost R’ven and I even neglected Feyrianth. Not in the physical sense but I wasn’t a very good person to be attached to at the time” Closing her eyes she swallowed. “I’d lost sight of what was really important. You didn’t do anything wrong. Nobody did. It was all my doing. By the time I started to come to my senses you where all gone, tired of me and the way I was acting, and I was alone.”

Shaking her head Erilena gave another sidewise glance to Dmitri. “On top of that I kinda sorta had it in my head that, after R’ven decided to split from me, you wouldn’t really be to happy to see me anymore. I know he’s your best friend and I guess I just thought you’d probably rather be his friend than mine. I didn’t know how awkward it would be for you to try and balance us both. And I figured if R’ven was upset with me you’d be upset with me to. So that played a role as well and by the time I realized how stupid I was being… I’d burned a lot of bridges. I didn’t know if I could fix them or not. I’ve been trying to but sometimes I guess things are too damaged to fix.” They where drawing closer to the Main Hall now and Erilena stopped in the hallway and turned around to look at the harper. “Doesn’t help that I’m so bad with words either. I never meant to hurt you Dmitri. I never meant to hurt any of you and it makes me feel like a total ass to know that you still waited for me and I never had the decency to even say anything to you. I don’t know how you can forgive me for that.”

[Requiem]

Okay, so it was probably bad, given he'd asked the question in the first place, but Erilena's response was so long and repetitive - not to mention how she kept coming back to how wrong she was - that he found his mind wandering. Dmitri was at least polite enough to let her finish, though. He shoved her lightly. "Stop being so dramatic, Lena. I never said I was waiting for you. I go to that spot every morning regardless of whether I have company or not, which is why I chose it as a meeting place for the lessons to begin with." There was a definite touch of humor in his voice, if you knew to look for it. Dmitri didn't really care overly much about the who was at fault thing, and wasn't into making someone feel guilty - despite his aggressive way of communicating when he didn't like something. As far as he was concerned it was a problem, it was in the past, and now they needed to figure out where they were going.

Speaking of which... "You need to understand something. You and R'ven were both my friends before you got together. The relationship has nothing to do with that. Whether it's working or not. This complete lack of self-confidence though..." He rapped her lightly on the head. "That's unattractive. We need to work on that. Cause you're depressing me and I'm not even listening to everything you're saying." Can anyone say brutally honest?

"Also need to invest in a gag. Or a turn-off button. I'm allowed to talk forever and sling sarcastic comments because I mean to be obnoxious, but I'm pretty sure you're not trying to put everyone to sleep." At that moment they'd crossed the threshhold into the main hall, Dmitri tugging her toward food. Really to prevent her from escaping. Dementia was eyeing them both very narrowly but since it was Hers doing all the touching she simply simmered and plotted more evilness for his pillows. Similar to the capture of Erilena's wrist, he also said before she could respond or interrupt, "And don't you dare agree with anything I'm saying and do the 'I know' glance at your feet and launch into another litany of how terrible a person you are thing. Cause that's not the point. Actually you should slap me for being an ass."

He shot her a half-smile, shoving her into a chair and going off to get food for them both. A little...lacking...in manners. But this was actually Dmitri being nice.

[Rei]

Stepping back a little at the light shove Erilena blinked up at Dmitri and then gave a hesitant smile. Stop being so dramatic he had said. Okay…she could do that. The explanation though did make her feel a bit better about it. Now she didn’t feel like quite so much of an ass. Still couldn’t he have said that on the get go? Then again guilt trips where easy with her. All too easy at times. It wasn’t his fault she had taken in the way she had. The entire time this was going though the greenrider’s head she just started up at the handler and then started to work though what to say.

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, whatever Erilena was going to say was dropped when Dmitri started speaking again. A soft smile was given the harper. Okay. She could understand that. The self confidence bit though had the greenrider wincing at turning her gaze towards her feet. Until he rapped her on the head anyway. The rap made her smile, oddly enough, because it was familiar and she missed familiar. Erilena missed how things used to be. When everything was so easy to handle. When she didn’t feel bad about herself. When she could just be her. regardless of what anyone else thought. When had that become so hard? It was getting better it was but it clearly wasn’t an easy fix.

As she was tugged forward by the wrist the greenrider had time for one soft noise of protest before she was being lead towards a nearby table. Did Dmitri have to walk so fast? His legs where like three time longer than hers. Okay maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration but not by much. Half trotting to keep up with the harper Erilena dropped her gaze. Yeah she wasn’t trying to put anyone to sleep.. and a gag? Seriously? Before the woman could form a proper comment about that he was again cutting her off. This time she almost blushed. What was he a mind reader now? The greenrider ended up staring owlishly at the harper because yes she was going to do the, as he so eloquently put it, ‘whole I know stare at her feet thing. Complete with self put down.’ Obviously she was getting predictable. Which was just….almost humorous because she hadn’t even seen him in like months now. “You’re not that much of an ass.” Was finally all she could get out before Dmitri’s hands where shoving her again.

Allowing herself to be shoved into the chair Erilena returned the handler’s smile with a half one of her own. Okay. He was right. It wasn’t the point and beating herself up about it wasn’t going to fix anything that he had mentioned. Twisting a strand of her blonde hair around her finger she watched Dmitri as he left to presumably go get food. It was like he was being a backwards gentleman. He even got her a chair even if he did shove her into it. Brat. Smiling she gave a soft chuckle. It was….a relief that he was being a jerk to her again. Not as in like a real jerk. But the same jerk he had always been before, bluntness intact.

When he returned the greenrider titled her head up towards him and smiled. “So I should slap you for being an ass you say? See that would be tempting maybe, if you didn’t have a golden attack dog on your shoulder.” She teased lightly before sticking her tongue out at him. “Lucky.”

[Requiem]

Erilena was far too kind. He was most definitely an ass. Just as he certainly was a jerk. He might not be at the same level as say Piden or Marsayis who seemed to excel in the fields of assholery and jerkishdom, but he was sure that he made a good solid third. Dementia had by now taken to curling as far around his neck as she could - which, with her tail, she actually almost managed - in a singularly possessive posture. She hissed darkly at any hands coming to near him as he got the food. Didn't really know what Erilena wanted so he ended up piling her plate with a fair amount of greens, tubers, fruit, bread and meat. Just to cover all the bases. His breakfast was considerably lighter. Fruit and cheese with a husk of bread...he'd be active soon and didn't need a lot on his stomach.

Little she-dog, Dementia hissed, flaring her frill from her position coiled around Dmitri's neck. No is yappy ugly four-legs. She-dog blind? Let Dementia see. Fix. She flexed her claws as she stared at the offensive eyes in question. Dmitri set Lena's food down and moved to the opposite side of the table, just in case the gold proved more difficult to handle than normal. "It's a metaphor, Men. She doesn't mean you're a dog." No like she-dog's meta...four...metafour. "Obviously," he muttered, then took the little clinger and put her down by the raw egg he'd gotten with his breakfast. She tapped it delicately, and he returned his attention to Erilena once his spoiled gold seemed suitably distracted from her complaints.

"I am lucky. Though I think the sting might be worth it just to see you forced to jump in order to slap me," he replied with a touch of a smirk. He'd stopped growing as quickly, but that didn't mean he'd stopped growing. Practically of a height with R'ven and C'oar now. Which...well, with the three giants of the weyr gone, he supposed that made him the de facto king of ridiculously tall. Joy. No one else to laugh at when they banged their heads on low ceilings. "Or stand on a chair. Just get the right side of my face, if you don't mind. I'm still trying to keep the other half relatively pretty. If I present myself in profile I might even confuse someone into thinking I'm sort of cute," he concluded with a wry twist of the lips. Clearly joking, his tone was so flat. With Demi, the flatter the tone, the less serious he was being.

[Rei]

Dementia really was in a bad mood wasn’t she? Erilena was thankful that Feyrianth didn’t get nasty when she was proddy. Just overly affectionate and her play took on a clearly flirtatious quality. Watching the gold carefully she murmured a thanks as Dmitri set her food down. Poking at it briefly, as she decided what to nibble on, the greenrider turned her attention to the harper and the now thankfully distracted gold. Moving a piece of fruit around on the plate she made a face. “Did you have to give me so much? I’m not that big.” Besides Erilena had already eaten, although she tended towards only eating lightly now anyway. Her appetite wasn’t what it used to be. Perhaps she could eat a little more though. She was kind of hungry. Light hazel eyes flicking back to the harper the greenrider smiled and nibbled on a piece of red fruit. His comment about her slapping him almost had Erilena choking as she fought back a laugh. The worst part was it was true. Damn him for shooting upwards. Did she always have to be the shortest one?

“So evil making me have to get a step ladder just to correct you.” Snorting softly the greenrider tilted her head. “You still sell yourself short still I see. You look fine.” Everyone had scars and she had seen far worse than Dmitri had on a couple of the Wastelanders. Eyes going from Dementia back to the harper she smiled. “Kinda cute huh? I’d agree with that. Cute like a puppy is cute maybe. Except in this case the puppy has teeth and knows just where to bite.” Sticking her tongue out at him again Erilena leaned back in her chair. “I’ve missed you you know.” It was the truth she had missed him. Well in all honestly she missed a lot of people. Her life had become very lonely as of late. Ca’tauri and Feyrianth where all the greenrider had and she was thankful for that much. Still she missed the humans she used to know. “So what have you been up to anyway?” The unspoken since they arrived hung there but was not voiced. “Still as busy as ever or have things changed?”

Things had changed for her. A lot in some ways. Like the triage wing. Picking again at her food she took a small bite of tubers and then looked back at Dmitri. Perhaps this should have been a little awkward considering how the night had began. But the greenrider was refusing to let that get in the way now. The past was the past. Done. Learned from it surely, but it was getting easier to move forward bit by bit. Smiling across the table at him she eyed the gold mandyr and then slipped her hand across the table to touch the handlers hand briefly. “Thank you.” For what she didn’t elaborate. There was no need to. He hadn’t had to forgive her. He hadn’t had to let her back into his life. But he had and she was grateful.