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Post by Rei on Dec 8, 2010 17:16:31 GMT -5
The night was silent and dark. One of those overcast nearly pitch black nights where nothing stirred. Fortunately there was the occasional break in the cloud cover. Just enough to illuminate things for a few moments at a time. Such was preferable currently. Considering current circumstances. Elysia paused in her tree travel for a moment, her head cocked as she tried to decipher a sudden sound. Rustling of branches. Disturbed wherry. The greenrider was surprisingly calm and collected, considering her current location. But then, with the training she had received in her time with Legatus, her confidence in things like this had only grown. She wouldn’t be caught. Couldn’t be. Not because she was being extremely careful but also because she had enough experience and desire that that idea was simply not an option she was even entertaining.
Onyth had been left behind a good while ago now. The mental thread connecting them had enough distance now that the green could barely be heard. It was nerve-wracking in a way but there was no other option. Her dragon was as close as she dared to be to Selenitas. Yes Selenitas, or in the jungle north of the weyr proper to be specific. It had been quite a few months since she had been even close to the weyr, but the scenery remained the same. Funny that really.
Dressed in only tight fitting black, her hair tightly bound to her head Elysia crept though the trees with practiced ease. Never missing a step as she made her way from tree to tree her eyes planning out her next movements with comfortable precision. Never once did she think about falling, about missing a step. Simply because she knew she wouldn’t. Finally the greenrider came to a stop and crouched in the lower branches, eyes scanning the dark jungle floor beneath her.
This was as close as she dared to get. Fingers caressed along her hidden weapons as she examined the darkness, a quick reassurance sent to the waiting Onyth. Safe and hidden. Now she merely had to wait. It was a good thing Elysia was patient, because even after all this she may have misinterpreted the place. Baron had stopped being sent to Selenitas weeks ago. The brown had been nicked with an arrow and had returned ichoring and yet completely calm, as if nothing had happened. It had been the greenrider than had been a emotional wreck after that, and so she refused to send the flit back. Problem being that now she was like an addict withdrawing without her tiny fix. Thus Elysia had spent days planning and debating before Onyth had gotten so fed up and worried that she had merely pushed for it to happen. This could possibly rank up there with one of the stupidest moves the greenrider had ever pulled. But what was done and decided was done, there was no going back. Not now.
A quiet and quick movement had the greenrider moving as quickly as she dared to a different position, her hand finding the hilt of her whip and pulling the weapon to the ready, before she fell into a defensive stance. Dark eyes flicked to the source of the movement. A few tense moments passed before she spoke her words a quiet and yet malicious purr. “I know you’re there, you know I’m here. No sense dancing around it. Why don’t you come out and play?”
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Requiem
Weyrleader S'rei WM M?ta Rider A'nd Harper/Handler Dmitri Weyrbrat Miguel
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Post by Requiem on Dec 8, 2010 23:11:33 GMT -5
So. Among all the other recent changes to Selenitas and the lands surrounding it, there was an additional one of particular peculiarity. Dmitri glanced at his wher. Was Dmisk sure that shadow up there was a person? The blue didn't even bother answering such a stupid question. Was he sure? Honestly? The wherhandler squinted up. There were felines who climbed. Of course, Dmisk should know the difference between a climbing tree-cat and a person. One would hope.
Apparently that meant they were suffering an infestation of ninjas. Joy. As if the normal range of felines and wild whers wasn't enough to keep the pair busy. If knives started raining down Dmisk was on his own; he could figure out how to climb a tree all on his lonesome. Dmitri didn't sign on for the role of lead pincushion. (He rather suspected he'd weather the condition much poorer than his cloth counterparts.)
The bluehandler slipped around the tree. Well, if he could out-sneaky a ninja he might not be destined for a million holes. His mindmate stretched. Dmisk thought for a moment, then slipped lightly around a tree just on the edge of the figure's line of sight. He moved low in the shadows. Just fast enough for movement to be caught without really seeing what it was. Whoever said beasts couldn't comprehend the concept of a distraction?
By the time he'd reached a branch nearly parallel with the black-clad figure, his arms were doing their own special 'do you really want to hurt me?' rendition. So maybe he used his legs far more than his arms. And they were pathetic. But bah. Who cared? He figured all he really had to do was surprise ninja-woman (could tell this one was pretty curvy from here) into falling and breaking her neck. No need for upper body strength there.
Now there was the matter of just what word would do the trick. "Boo" seemed a little anticlimatic. Of course, she solved that problem for him by calling out to what had to be Dmisk. There was something about the voice...but he dismissed it. Now was the time when her attention was diverted. He sprung to her tree limb - and realized he'd misjudged. Suddenly he was the one in danger of falling, and he naturally snatched at the ninja-woman.
The jerk that direction slammed her back into the trunk of the tree, pinned by the teenager's weight.
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Post by Rei on Dec 8, 2010 23:51:05 GMT -5
Dmisk was indeed good distraction. Although perhaps that was only because Elysia wouldn’t have in a million turns imagined that she would be assaulted by another tree climber. Obviously an oversight on her part. It was the movement of the blue wher that attracted her attention, as opposed to the tree climber. She had somehow missed his presence at the beginning. Not too surprising considering the darkness and how stealthy the handlers had to be to hunt felines in the darkness.
Thus the greenrider had naturally turned towards the visable movement first. From the distance it was hard to judge just what the movement was, was he running? Her whip flicked to the ready as her eyes strove to get a good look at her possible target. Thus it was only at the last second that she noticed the figure leaping for her branch. The idiot had even misjudged the distance. Which put them both in a dangerous position. Damn.
There where few precious seconds with which she had to react. Tensing for impact Elysia attempted to pivot but it was pointless and as the harper collided with her pinning her against the tree a hiss of anger left her throat. Her hand immediately went for her weapon and then just stopped. Something about the weight and the fit of her assailant’s body gave her pause. Dark eyes ran over her attacker in the darkness and then they widened slightly before her lips parted in silent surprise.
It took a few moments for greenrider to find her tongue. The first words from her mouth however where perhaps not what she would have said had there been more time to think. “You. I… Moron you could have broken your neck. Did you pay attention to anything I tried to teach you? Thickheaded still.” Dark brown eyes flashed with what could have been taken for irritation maybe, but there was a softness to it as well. An immense sense of relief flooded the woman. Alive, breathing, here.
Dmitri’s proximity was suddenly making her chest ache and not because Elysia was slightly winded from impact either. One leg slid to brush slightly against his, her hand coming up to push gently against his chest. A silent request for space. She didn’t want space but if he didn’t move at least a little further away talking would become very difficult. “Congratulations on catching me off guard. But next time try not to possibly break both our necks?” The words where soft and then her other hand had crept up to gently touch his cheek. “I….Are you okay?” The greenrider’s gaze searched for his then, attempting to catch his eyes. Damn he’d gotten taller. Looked like he’d gained some weight to by the feel of it. Tch. It was a good thing he hadn’t taken them off the branch completely.
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Requiem
Weyrleader S'rei WM M?ta Rider A'nd Harper/Handler Dmitri Weyrbrat Miguel
Posts: 2,861
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Post by Requiem on Dec 11, 2010 17:33:48 GMT -5
The voice had his eyes going wide. Then it was simply all too clear. Odd, how you didn't recognize people when you didn't expect them to be there. Dmitri's fingers curled into a fist against the trunk of the tree. He ignored her criticisms - who gave a damn, anyway? - and growled, "What the fuck are you doing skulking around here, Els?" The taste of the nickname was bitter and he swallowed it with a disgusted twist to his lips. Habit.
The teenager placed his palms on either side of her shoulders, pushing himself back. Not far enough to leave her room to escape him obviously. Dmitri didn't know what she was doing here but she didn't belong. If she thought she was going to bugger off somewhere, she had another thing coming. A brief wash of confusion came over his face. Her tone and the touch of her hand... Dmitri jerked his head aside. Not answering her question.
"I asked why you were here, Elysia." His tone was cold. The boy didn't want to deal with this right now. Why'd she have to come to the northern quadrant? "Does Ka'rys really have his head shoved so far up his ass that he thinks I'll help you? Idiots. You can't retake Selenitas at your strength right now. Even if I did have any lingering feelings for you, I'm not getting the wherhandlers involved in a scheme doomed to failure."
The silence that came afterward was uncomfortable. Almost as uncomfortable as their close proximity. Dmitri would be damned if he'd let on that her nearness was bothering him, though. He'd learned his lesson. He'd let Elysia see him and she'd hung him out to dry. It was done. No more free shows. "You look like shit, by the way. Eat something after you get back to Ka'rys. And sleep. Don't forget to tell him he can fuck himself."
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Rei
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Post by Rei on Dec 11, 2010 18:08:20 GMT -5
Although she had expected it the coldness to Dmitri’s tone had Elysia shrinking back, her body pressing back into the tree. Trapped between him and the trunk at her back. There was nowhere for the greenrider to go. Swallowing to clear her throat, dark worried eyes flicked up to his face. How was she even supposed to answer that question? The truth would sound unbelievable, perhaps, to the handler. His current waves of ice made that much apparent.
It quite nicely almost completely doused the little spark of hope that Elysia had allowed herself to keep. Almost. It was perhaps almost a shame that stubbornness kept that tiny ember of hope alive. The hand that remained against his chest slipped down to clench at her thigh the hand that had been on his face dropping to her side as Dmitri turned his head away. Came this far. There wasn’t any going back till it finished one way or the other.
A sort of hollow laugh escaped her throat as the harper finished speaking. Seemed as if she wouldn’t get away with not answering his question. Even if it was obvious that Dmitri thought he had the answer anyway. Proving his answer wrong wasn’t hard. It was the getting him to believe the real answer to her question that was going to be….difficult. With a soft sigh the greenrider began.
“As much as I’d like to tell him to fuck himself some days, he didn’t send me here.” A pause to let that sink in before Elysia continued keeping her voice level and soft. If he wanted to hear her he’d have to be listening. “I think we all know by now that Selenitas has no hope of being retaken. Not anytime soon and not for turns, if ever. No one is asking you or your handlers for help Dem. I came of my own free accord. Ka’rys doesn’t even know I’m here and if he did I’m willing to bet he’d be more than willing to throttle me personally.”
Dark eyes focused again on his face, searching unflinchingly for his eyes, even if she was afraid of what she would see in them. “I came solely to see you.” Elysia’s voice trailed off into silence for a few moments. “I didn’t want the last time we spoke to be the last time I ever saw you.” With a deep breath her hand raised slowly towards his face again seeking to lay alongside his cheek.
“I need to apologize.” Silence and then softer. “I miss you.” So much that it actually felt like physical hurt but somehow Elysia doubted Dmitri would believe that if she said the words out loud. The greenrider moved forward then. Just an inch or two. Further decreasing the space between them. “Thanks for saying I look like shit by the way. You always have been honest.” Unlike her at times. The thought made her eyes slip shut momentarily, opening again after a moment to catch any reaction.
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Requiem
Weyrleader S'rei WM M?ta Rider A'nd Harper/Handler Dmitri Weyrbrat Miguel
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Post by Requiem on Dec 11, 2010 18:39:34 GMT -5
Dmitri's eyes narrowed on Elysia. There was a time when he would have believed anything she told him. He'd always known she was a liar. Verbally. Nonverbally. Even to herself. But he'd been arrogant enough, once, to believe that she wouldn't lie to him. That he was somehow different. So many things she'd told him, so many things that made him feel needed or special or something, but then she'd lied to him. Now he couldn't believe anything. First she'd lied, then she'd told him that she couldn't help herself. That wasn't true. It couldn't be true that she couldn't help herself, that she just had to lie and cheat and... But if it wasn't true then she was making excuses and had no intentions of even trying.
A truth further validated by the fact that she'd never approached him after their final argument.
So no, he didn't trust her implicitly anymore. Was she trying to lie to him again? There was no reason for her to be here, shrinking back against the tree, unless she was sent. And who would send her but that bronzeriding bastard? Playing on old history. Well, he'd picked the wrong one. Dmitri snorted softly. "If that's the truth he'd be doing us all a favor." The words came sharp. Bitten off. Anger, but not the cold anger that was the more dangerous one to face. This was emotional.
But her next words had him going stiff. His face lost all motion. Not even when her hand rose, lying it along his cheek. Not even his eyes registered any changes. They were intent upon her face with an intensity that could have been anger, hate, or simply curiosity; there was no way to tell. Especially in this lighting. Apologize? Now he knew this couldn't be Elysia. Since when did she take responsibility for anything?
"Not always," he returned. He took a step back and brushed her hand away from his face. "What, are there no men with a working cock in your little terrorist group?" It wasn't fair. Dmitri didn't really care if he was playing fair or not, though. He couldn't evaluate this for himself with the woman so close and sounding apologetic, of all things. Couldn't afford to believe her and get sucked into whatever game she was playing now. It had to be a game. Had to be.
Dmitri tsked and dropped off the branch. He made his way swiftly to the ground below. Dmisk came, too, and Dmitri rested a hand on the wher's back. The contact was steadying. His blue never let emotions take over. It made it easier to control his own. He didn't look at her when she joined him. There was no doubt she would. Whether her words were true or not, the fact remained that he was the reason she was here. To use or to...whatever. "Fine. Speak your piece then. I've got work to do."
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Post by Rei on Dec 11, 2010 20:08:32 GMT -5
Elysia flinched at the first words that came out of Dmitri’s mouth. She couldn’t help it. A small part of her realized that it was backlash. That he was angry. The tone the words where conveyed in told that much. All the same it stung. The greenrider had promised herself that she’d remain open, that she wouldn’t put up defenses that might prevent her goal. And so far Elysia had been successful in it but that first comment almost made her wish she could put up those defenses. Almost. Because the truth was she deserved his anger, and a lot more besides. Still even that knowledge didn’t take away from the fact that it hurt, it didn’t do anything to rekindle any hope either. If anything it just made it clear that she was still fighting an uphill battle and her precarious stand was slipping.
Slipping was a very good word to describe the nature of her current feelings of anything pertaining to hope. Dmitri’s sudden freeze wasn’t taken as a good reaction either. In fact Elysia wasn’t sure what to make of it at all. It wasn’t even clear when she searched his expression as to what he was feeling. It was too dark and besides that he had always been good at only letting certain things show. He wasn’t giving her anything now. A bad sign almost certainly. As the harper brushed her hand away and again spoke the woman’s eyes fell away from his face. There was a sharp intake of breath but that was all she immediately offered in return to his sharp words. Damn it. Fighting to gain some composure she spoke, her words near a whisper and almost sad in inflection. “I suppose you think I deserve that? I can’t blame you.” It was the truth, she couldn’t and for a moment the woman remained still as Dmitri slipped back down towards the ground.
Slumping momentarily back against the tree trunk Elysia fought against the rising tide of sorrow, pushing it back and biting her lip to keep any desire to cry at bay. Wouldn’t help her and he didn’t need to see her break besides. Tears where not something Dmitri had ever been good with. In a few moments the greenrider had slipped down from her perch to land softly on the jungle floor, eyes going to Dmisk before resting again on the tall harper. Straightening up the woman paused, listening carefully to Dmitri before silence again reigned. Dark eyes examined his profile before Elysia took one step forward towards him then stopped. “I should thank you for giving me this much.” Falling silent she tried to think of a proper way to begin. But in truth there was no proper way to begin. He was giving her one last chance to say her peace and had she really even expected this much? In all honesty she had come with no expectations, or at least not any high ones, so even this much was better than nothing. No matter how much she may lose tonight.
Finally Elysia spoke, her tone as soft and sincere as she could manage with her chest feeling so tight. “I’m sorry Dmitri. Sorry for lying to you. For hurting you. For more things than I can probably ever express properly. I know you won’t believe me and perhaps you don’t have to. I can’t blame you for lack of trust. I probably shouldn’t even have come here tonight…” Hands fisted briefly at her sides. “But I had to because I couldn’t live with myself the way things are now. I needed to be sure that you where okay and not just physically. I still don’t have that answer.” Her gaze flicked back up to his face then, almost hating how pleading that last sentence had sounded. “Thank you for giving me even this much of your time. I am sorry Dem. Be safe, live and love well and try and be happy.”
At this point Elysia wanted to hug him. Touch him perhaps one last time but it would be cruel wouldn’t it? Not only to him either. So with one final long look she stepped back and turned. She’d make her way back though the underbrush for awhile before going back to the trees and then to Onyth. From there on….she had no plans.
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Requiem
Weyrleader S'rei WM M?ta Rider A'nd Harper/Handler Dmitri Weyrbrat Miguel
Posts: 2,861
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Post by Requiem on Dec 11, 2010 21:16:24 GMT -5
"You are a terrible liar." If she even realized she was lying, which was debatable. The words were spoken to Elysia's retreating back. "If you couldn't live with yourself without knowing, then why are you leaving without your answer? Don't even have to see your face to know that's a lie." He leaned back against Dmisk. The male patiently stood there for him, too, his calm eyes on Elysia.
Crossing his arms, the harper eyed the woman he'd wasted so much of his time on just recently. What did she want him to do? Call her back? Another power play, was it? Or maybe she just couldn't face him. Elysia always had been at a loss as to how to handle her emotions unless she could transfer them into anger. Dmitri actually wished she would get angry and place her blame. It would have been preferable to simply not being good enough. He couldn't do anything about that. Why was he even thinking that? There was nothing to do or fix. It was over. Now he just had to figure out what this most recent game was.
"If you're trying to make me feel guilty as your wording would seem to suggest, it's not working. So let's try this again, shall we? Why are you really here, Elysia?" He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "You didn't risk someone catching you just to come here, apologize and walk off. At least do me the justice of recognizing I'm not that much of a fool." Fool enough to fall for her and trust her once, certainly, but he wasn't being so trusting now.
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Post by Rei on Dec 11, 2010 21:56:11 GMT -5
When Dmitri spoke Elysia stopped. Oh for the love of freaking Faranth. Shoulders slumping she hung her head for a moment. Keep going, Elysia. It was a good thing that Onyth was so far away. That her voice had little reach because it was easy to tune out. For a few moments the woman remained silent, the night sounds filling in the silence where words should go. Terrible liar. Heh. He was right she had always been a terrible liar. Especially when it came to him. Her left hand clenched, fingernails biting into her palms as finally she spun to face him. But where there should have been anger or perhaps irritation there was not. Instead there was a simple determination to make him understand. Understand that she wasn’t a liar. That nothing she was saying was a lie.
“You already answered my question. Gave me my answer in your actions. You’ll be fine. You’ve probably been for awhile. It’s me that’s still lingering.” Dark eyes flicked back to the handler and his wher and then Elysia took a step forward and back towards him. Should keep walking but couldn’t deny him an answer. Couldn’t deny herself that small spark of hope. Even if she had already given him an answer that he was still stubbornly refusing to believe. Or maybe he just didn’t understand? Drawing up to him, close enough that she could reach out and barely touch with fingertips if she was brave enough to, the greenrider stopped.
A glance flicked to Dmisk before her eyes went back to the harper. “I told you. I came to make sure you where okay. I came to apologize. But it really doesn’t matter does it?” Elysia’s voice lowered. “I could sit here and tell you I care. That that was the reason I came, and you’d stand here and tell me that you don’t believe me. My apology is useless isn’t it? We could go in circles all night but could I make you believe that I am sincere at any point? No.”
Shaking her head she gave Dmitri a long look. “I’m not lying to you. I’ve worried about you for months. I had to come. To see for myself that you where okay and maybe for the small chance that you’d forgive me for what I’ve done to you. Maybe there was some small part of me that couldn't accept that I'd lost you completely. That maybe somewhere there was still some hope that you still….” Elysia trailed off not able to finish the sentence. Afraid to make it concrete. Out there.
Finally she closed her eyes and gave a humorless smile. “That you didn’t hate me.” Stiffening she waited. For anything, perhaps a barb or some type of sarcastic comment. Even now she couldn’t bring herself to marshal up any type of defense because the woman really didn’t have one left or maybe she couldn’t think of a suitable one. Let Dmitri be the one with all the walls. There wasn’t anything left for the greenrider herself to lose was there?
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Requiem
Weyrleader S'rei WM M?ta Rider A'nd Harper/Handler Dmitri Weyrbrat Miguel
Posts: 2,861
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Post by Requiem on Dec 11, 2010 22:21:55 GMT -5
His face was kept blank. He was pretty good at that, after all, and the extra nerve damage to the one side - even if it wasn't severe - certainly didn't hurt. For a moment he thought the anger would finally come out. Not happy with him calling her a liar, was she? One of the muscles in his face twitched. What had she been expecting to find? A kid in tears? Yeah. He was perfectly fine. She was only his first, after all. No big deal. He could just get over that in an eyeblink.
Part of what she said was right, though; he'd be fine. He always was.
Still walking toward him. There was more, was there? He didn't know that he cared to hear it. The bluehandler's chin rose up and his jaw firmed against her words. Dmitri didn't want to get back into this. He really didn't. Something compelled him to speak anyway, though. "You listen as well as you lie. Or maybe it's just your memory. What makes you think I'm holding a grudge against you? Yes, I'm angry at you and pretty sure you're trying to use me somehow. But you're apologizing for things I've already forgiven you for. Which leads me to the conclusion that you had your head shoved so far up your ass when we last spoke that you didn't realize that I couldn't even be mad at you for playing me and lying to me, or you're playing some new game. Both are very, very irritating."
He took a couple pace forward and grasped her by the biceps. His grip was firm but not, in the end, violent. "You blew me off. You fucked a stranger right out in the open when you told me you wouldn't do that anymore, didn't tell me about it, and when I came back despite all that you apologized. And told me that this is just the way you are. Well, you know what, Elysia? Maybe that's true." The wherhandler's grip tightened slightly. "Maybe you can't help yourself. Maybe you're really that fucked up. But you weren't even willing to try. I thought that that much at least you could give me. Then, just as always, you never came to find me. I'm always finding you. Well not again. I can't be the only one trying when you're the one twisting the knife."
He stepped back, then. His hands left her arms. "So forgive me if I find it highly unbelievable that you'd come seeking me out unless you didn't have some sort of agenda. The fact that I want to believe you came here just to see me and nothing else means I'm more on guard. Desires are stupid. They make you blind." He thrust his hands into his pockets.
"Now, you said yourself that I don't lie. Then stop making damned assumptions and ask me directly."
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Post by Rei on Dec 11, 2010 23:14:38 GMT -5
The anger to his tone was what tipped her off first. It was clear on the first word that Elysia had hit some nerve. Not surprising because if she had learned anything in all the time they had been together it was that they could piss each other off like no one else could. Heh. That much still hadn’t changed. Dark eyes came up to regard Dmitri as he spoke. For a moment they flashed with a spark of anger as well. What made her think that he was holding a grudge? Well the storming out after they had had that small discussion just might have been a clue. So now she was supposed to read minds? Normally when someone walked out on you they where pissed. Or maybe she was missing some hidden meaning in the harper completely moving out without a word. Or in the following discussion nights later that had seemed to have gone so wrong. What had he expected her to think? The anger faded quickly though with Dmitri’s next admission and she found herself staring at him. He’d already forgiven her….but….when?
The sudden approach and grip to her biceps had Elysia stiffening against Dmitri, subtlety shifting her body into a steadier stance. It wasn’t completely unexpected with how angry he seemed to be, but nonetheless there was a shock factor to it as well. It displayed in the slight widening of her eyes, although Elysia struggled to keep the small tendril of fear that wormed it’s way into her chest hidden. One good thing about the grip to her arms was it caused her to focus more on his words than anything else.
Trembling slightly her dark eyes remained on the harper’s face when he spoke. Despite Elysia's desire to prevent it, she felt her eyes start to water when he tightened his grip on her. It didn’t really hurt no. But the words Dmitri voiced had the woman feeling so completely dirty again. Reminding her again on just how much she had hurt him. How badly she had fucked up. Just how right he was to have this anger towards her. At the time the truth had sounded so stupid. Now Elysia wished she would have just said something. Had ignored the fear. But no matter how badly she wanted to she couldn’t go back. Couldn’t do anything about the damage that had already been done.
When Dmitri stepped back Elysia closed her eyes momentarily to fight back the tears. She wouldn’t cry. Refused to. It would come off as wrong. The greenrider wasn’t here to play games. Didn’t want to guilt trip him. There had been no time to say anything in his outpouring, although to be honest any excuse or response she could have come up with anyway would do no good and she knew it. Nothing would have been changed, so the only thing left to do was move past it.
The greenrider returned her eyes to the handler’s when she was positive that she had her tears, at least for the moment, under control. Ask him directly. There where so many things Elysia could ask. Wanted to ask. In the end she decided to ask the one currently on her mind first. When she spoke her voice contained the barest tremble despite her best attempts to omit it. Perhaps in the end she still was a little shaken. Shard him. “I hadn’t realized that you had forgiven me.” The greenrider shifted her gaze breaking from his for a moment before going back.
He wanted her to ask him directly. Well then she would. Even if she was afraid to know the answer. “Do you hate me Dmitri?” Couldn’t blame him if he did. Had she been the one on the other end? How would she have felt? “You said you forgave me. Why?”
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Requiem
Weyrleader S'rei WM M?ta Rider A'nd Harper/Handler Dmitri Weyrbrat Miguel
Posts: 2,861
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Post by Requiem on Dec 11, 2010 23:38:16 GMT -5
"..." Really? Dmitri couldn't suppress his sigh. How could she know him so little? "No, Elysia. There's no one in this world who I hate. And if there was, it wouldn't be you." The only one who had ever really come close was MasterHarper Camlin. Or maybe his mother. But in both cases the negative feelings were directed more inward than outward anyway. Besides, there was little point in being angry at his dead mother. Dmitri's life hadn't been bad. Probably better than it would have been if she had wanted him and kept him with her.
A wry smile touched his lips at her next question. "Because I'm a chump." Dmitri was entirely too tempted to just leave it at that. He kept on having to give things first, knowledge that she could easily use against him. That was why it was so difficult to ask someone out, even. If they said no they had that against you. This was a bit more dehabilitating than something as small as that, though.
Still, he volunteered it after the intervening moment of silence. "Sleeping with Ba'sun was never the issue. You're...well, honestly you're starved for attention. You like it when people are attracted or interested in you. I never asked you to be faithful. But I told you it bugged me when you slept with A'emi, and you promised me it wouldn't happen again. No, I didn't really believe you then. But I did believe that you wouldn't try to hide it from me when you slipped."
Fingers curled around a coin in his pocket. "I left because you lied. I came to tell you because you deserved an explanation and because I wanted...needed...to see your reaction. If you couldn't tell me the truth I couldn't live with you. But I'd already forgiven you for all of that before I even walked in the door. Because I know you Els. I know why you couldn't keep your promise, and I know that you were afraid and that's why you lied. I thought maybe it could be different with me, but...you proved it couldn't. Disappointed. Hurt. Not angry."
What more was there to tell? "I can put up with you running around on me. I can put up with your lies so long as you don't expect me to share a room and a bed with you. But I can't put up with you not even trying to be honest with me. Not even trying to be faithful. I can't put up with your excuses that say you can't change. As long as you think like that I'll just be destroying myself while you don't even care enough to try, and probably destroy you in the process. I'm sure I've explained most of this already."
Maybe not quite so directly. He'd been pissed when she first laid her universal excuses on the table.
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Rei
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Post by Rei on Dec 12, 2010 0:13:20 GMT -5
Elysia remained quiet after she voiced her questions. Allowing Dmitri time to answer at his leisure. No interruptions. Although she did let emotions play across her face unchecked. What was there for her to hide anymore? If the harper could be open the least she could do was help prove her sincerity by doing the same. There was relief to know he didn’t hate her. Although his response had her feeling silly for even asking the question in the first place. Looking back no. She couldn’t think of anyone that Dmitri outright hated. Not even Piden. Not even S’rei. Angry with and upset with people at times maybe. But as far as hate? It was she who seemed to dabble in that realm. Not him.
The second question’s answer was harder for her to hear. Not physically harder but definitely emotionally. But it did clear up some things for the greenrider. Gave her an understanding of just why he was so upset with her. Couldn’t blame him that. But the fact that he even could forgive her for those things…. Forgiveness was not usually an easy thing for people. Especially not in dealing with the things that Dmitri had been forced to deal with in his time with her. Elysia realized that. In fact it was painfully obvious that anyone else would have written her off long, long ago. Gave her up as a lost cause and for some reason the harper had persisted. And how had she repaid him for it? By essentially stabbing him in the back. By not having enough faith or trust in him to just tell him the truth. So no. It was no wonder that he had a hard time believing her now.
Gaze resting back on Dmitri’s face she regarded him for one long silent moment. Then taking a hesitant step forward she reached out to touch his arm. In all honesty she didn’t want to stop there but she could settle for one small touch. If he’d allow it. “I understand it better now. Thank you for being honest. I wish I could take it all back Dem but we both know that’s impossible.” Dark eyes flicked to his face. The next question she wasn’t quite sure she wanted to know the answer to. But in the end she forced it out anyway.
“Could you ever give me another chance? Or is it too late? Too much for me to ask of you?” Swallowing she slowly fisted her other hand. “You don’t have to answer that now. Is there anything you want to ask of me?” Not that she could tell him anything he probably didn’t already know. It was painfully obvious that he seemed to know her better than she even seemed to know herself at times.
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Requiem
Weyrleader S'rei WM M?ta Rider A'nd Harper/Handler Dmitri Weyrbrat Miguel
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Post by Requiem on Dec 12, 2010 0:34:10 GMT -5
Touching him. He should have pushed her back, probably, but it didn't match up with what he'd just said. There were many reasons he didn't like her that close. Most of them had little to do with the anger he kept retreating to. Anger was a good barrier when you didn't want to get hurt any further. Something Elysia no doubt knew better than most, though if she'd recognize it or not was another thing entirely. The woman wasn't good at reading people. It was very obvious. Or maybe she was too good at it and playing him still. Dmitri had a hard time knowing what was the truth. Trusting his own instincts that usually were pretty on.
The boy had his eyes low and to one side. Not looking at her. No, they couldn't take any of it back now, could they? Didn't matter. She could be lying. Even if she wasn't, Elysia wasn't here anymore. Doing this was just plain stupid if she truly was being straight with him. If she was caught... It wasn't a risk she could afford to take more than once so maybe it was good that none of it could be taken back. Easier to be separated from her when they weren't really together anyway.
Except he was letting Piden into his bed just to avoid the lonliness...Best not to think about that.
The next question did surprise him. His eyes snapped up to her face, searching it with a frown furrowing his brow. Swallowing. The fist. She was either really good at lying or the question was a genuine one. He didn't know...what to think about it. Even after she changed the topic, he simply stood there and stared at her dumbly for a long, lingering moment.
Elysia wasn't good at lying, though.
"I.." He what? "Els, it's impossible anyway. You shouldn't be here. I won't leave. There's no point in considering something like that." An evasion. It was probably all too obvious, too. His voice dropped to something that was almost a grumble. "One or both of us is likely to be dead before anything changes, anyway." Better not to even consider it.
The wherhandler grasped his wrist in front of him. "Okay. I have a couple questions then. Why didn't you come to see me? And...what is it that you really want? From me, in general...I find it hard to believe that you were truly satisfied with me when you were looking elsewhere."
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Rei
Administrator
Rider Cr'oph Rider Er'ani Rider Elysia Rider/Healer Erilena Wherhandler Sydney Holdbrat Emitre Holdbrat Dileina Weyrbrat Elias Weyrbrat Terilyn
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Post by Rei on Dec 12, 2010 1:30:37 GMT -5
He didn’t move to avoid her touch. That more than anything had that little spark of hope growing. Eyes flicking up to Dmitri’s face as the silence drew on after her question Elysia met his eyes. It was obvious that she had caught him off guard. The harper had not expected her to ask the question she had perhaps. Although, she had told him that he didn’t have to answer the question just yet, a large part of the woman wanted him to. Wanted him to at least say something on the matter. In the meantime she kept her hand on his arm, even going to far as to give it a light squeeze in the hope that she could draw Dmitri out of his stunned silence. Whether it was the squeeze or simply him finally finding his tongue that finally unfroze him Elysia wasn’t sure. But she stayed silent as the handler almost stammered out a type of answer.
Eyes lingering on his she gave a small smile. “One or both of us likely dead before something changes.” The words where soft as the greenrider repeated them. “If that’s what you believe is true... Then what do we have to lose? I don’t know if I can say it’s better to not see you ever again or take the risk and see you anyway. Things can be worked around. I shouldn’t be here no. But all the same I can not regret the decision. Seeing you has been worth every minute of risk that I have taken.” Trailing off Elysia’s hand gave Dmitri’s arm a final squeeze before she removed it. A large part of her wanted to touch him more, but….now was not the time for distraction. He was asking her a question after all,
An attempt to draw her away from the previous topic likely. It was perhaps poorly disguised but the greenrider realized the feeling behind it. Being apart even after this was going to be so much harder. At least for her. A double edged sword so to speak. Couldn’t win without losing as well.
When Dmitri finished with his questions Elysia focused on his face for one long moment. “I was afraid of what would happen if I did come. Afraid that you’d want nothing to do with me and I couldn’t handle that. Then time started to draw out longer, you never came, and I tried to make myself believe that I was doing you a favor by just letting you go." She swallowed. "That maybe in the long run you’d be better off without me. Happier. But I couldn’t get over it. Or you. It nagged me daily and by the time I got up the courage to finally attempt to hunt you down. Benden had invaded and there wasn’t anything I could do but leave." For a moment she stared at her hand. "A large part of me wishes I would have stayed but had I stayed I can’t be sure I would still be alive right now.” Dimitri's next question was harder perhaps to answer.
With a soft smile Elysia shook her head. “What do I want from you in general? That’s not an easy question to answer. I don’t know how well I can answer that. I want your friendship back definitely. I want you in my life. I want to know you’ll be there again. I want you to care about me.” Elysia paused searching his face. “It was never a question of me being satisfied with you Dmitri. You’re the best thing that I’ve ever had in my life besides Onyth. The only other person that cared enough to try and get to know me. It has never been me being dissatisfied."
The greenrider shifted and frowned slightly. "There where times that I've been afraid that you’d grow bored of me. That once I started showing my age more I’d be less of a draw to you. That you’d start to feel like you’d maybe made a mistake. Or wanted someone closer to your own age. Someone you could start a family with. In the end the attention seeking was partially a way to prove to myself that I still had something to offer. That I could still be wanted. Even if you ended up wanting to look elsewhere.” Elysia gave a dry chuckle. “The funny thing is that it used to make me feel so wanted, but after you, it just makes me feel hollow.”
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