Daylight's Ghost (Iskierka)

[Requiem]

It was that time between sunset and full night, and X'rx had long held the belief that this time was the time of the dead. No one had whispered such thoughts into being. It was no one else's suggestion. For all he knew, there wasn't another person in all the world who looked upon the same grey sky with those thoughts. His own private superstition. At times, though, he thought he could hear his father's voice rising in the familiar derision, the words snatched and borne away by the wind. Or perhaps the dead could not speak to the living. His fingers caught at a stray leaf, blown from the tree behind him, and he uncurled them, looking at the shape in his palm before another gust stole it from him. At least, he mused, the derision was better than the faint pride in a fading voice. Familiar, the first, where the second he'd only heard amidst his father's dying breaths - after killing for the first time. For the only time.

Unless you counted the weyrlings today. Then his count was four, and he felt them no less keenly for all that he hadn't ever felt any desire to take their lives. (If he was honest, he'd never felt such a desire. Not to protect his sisters and mother, either, no. It was despair that had driven him at the Benden rider, a boy and too weak to do anything. A desire to at least not die huddled in a corner, whimpering like a little girl.) But the world didn't tend to listen to your desires, and the Benden rider had died by a cruel twist of fate, fallen on his own blade in surprise. Thus his father died, proud of his son, but X'rx felt little but guilt. He wasn't brave. He'd wanted to die. Such a desire didn't linger, but he'd found life after that pale and tasteless, found the idea of being defenseless and other people, people he loved despite their scorn, dying for him something hard to stomach. It wasn't right, in the end. Not when you were no longer a child. Now he was a dragonrider, and he should feel stronger, but it was the same mewling man-child that had been thrown aside during the siege he saw staring back at him in the still waters. Without Eveyth he was no less helpless.

Helpless to do something as simple as keep a few weyrlings safe when they Betweened. No, you couldn't do it for them, but so many pairs had Betweened over the turns and centuries and millenia. It hardly took thought or concentration for the greenpair, and they were still weyrlings themselves. How hard was it, then, to make sure of a few coordinates and keep children calm enough that they didn't lose their way?

The dinner had passed, the weyrlings eaten, and though it wasn't lively it wasn't so somber as it might have been. He thought they would be okay. Hoped, anyway.

Stooping, he felt out Eveyth again, finding her still asleep. The green tired swiftly when his emotions roiled as they did now, and she'd been hardly less distraught, if more logical about it. Not their fault. No, perhaps not, perhaps his beauty was right in that. But he couldn't make it feel as if it wasn't. His fingers closed on a smooth, flat river stone. He turned it over in his palm, then stood, launching it out over the river and watching it skip. Once, twice, three times...but it sunk before it could manage a fourth. Wind tugged at the light sweater he'd donned, pulling at his hair, and it ran off with one of the feathers worked into his braid. The dagger he wore at the belt that encircled slender hips seemed like another farce he played at. He wondered if the thieving wind might not steal that, too.

Crouching, he gathered the stones, a handful. In short order, another hopped over the swirling waters of the river, before it, too, sunk not even halfway across. The minutes of the dead were drawing to a close now, full night stealing upon him.

[Ember]

Was it really all that surprising that Iskierka couldn't sleep? Sure, some would think that everything that happened to her in a day would tire her out enough to fall into an easy slumber but unfortunately it wasn't so. No matter how much piled up on her plate none of it managed to shut her mind up early enough for her liking. Everything attached to her mind was already asleep so why did she have to wander around trying to expell all the thoughts that were bothering her?

Her restlessness during the nights was the best and only sign that she was not as cold as she made herself seem. She wouldn't ever admit it - to herself or to others - but the fact that the weyrlings had simply disappeared bothered her. Iskierka simply didn't get how anyone could mess up a simple image like the one that had been given to the weyrlings. She hadn't had any problems with it as her continued living suggested so why, why, why couldn't the stupid little kiddies get it? She'd lost some from her own class as well a while back and it had bothered her as much then as now, despite the other class not being her fault.

The group that Impressed to Jingth's babies was in for a tough weyrlinghood most likely. Iskierka figured if she toughened up on the next batch less were likely to fail during between lessons. She could see no other reason than the lack of proper discipline for doing something as silly as failing to make sure they had their coordinates right. It wasn't the fault of the instructors since most of the class managed to make it through the lesson. Bah, whatever. She had her 'solution' so why couldn't she go to sleep?

Iskierka's night wanderings were caught short as she spied a figure standing near the river she walked along. She tilted her head thoughtfully and decided to investigate. Couldn't hurt. Who she found surprised her but she shoved the feeling away. She approached slowly and without a word. Let him be surprised if he wasn't paying attention. Not her problem. When she was close enough she quietly asked, "Can't sleep?" The answer was obvious and she didn't care if he did respond or not. Really, she didn't.

She reached down to pick up a rock out of curiosity. The skipping had caught her interest. Unfortunately, she discovered there was actually some kind of technique behind it because when she tossed her stone it did nothing more than sink. "Hn." So much for that. Oh well. It probably had no use anyways so there was no need to learn it.

[Requiem]

A shadow on the edge of vision. Despite his superstitious and fanciful notions, X'rx was not so imaginative as to believe it was the dead walking, and if it was, what did it matter? They could no more bother him than they already did, haunting his thoughts. He was certain that the dead could no more reach him than he them, simply present themselves as spectres, pieces of memory escaped from a heavy conscience and not any spectral greeting. The stone jumped five times this time, but it sunk, as they always sunk. Luck and momentum only took a body so far. They all sunk. Curse these dark thoughts; he should go find Ximera. His little sister would not understand the thoughts on his mind, but her cheer would brighten him, without a doubt. Fifteen already. When had his baby sister started growing up?

If anything surprised him, it was that the figure stopped at his side, stopped and spoke. The voice, too, was unexpected, and his eyes slid to one side, seeing his Weyrlingmaster in the familiar shape. It was still odd, thinking of her that way, though he found it easier after tumbling into the furs with Darya in truth this time. He didn't count being shoved up against a wall while she spouted mandyr babblings when he'd intercepted her on her way toward the Main Hall. Darya had always been warm, if hard, brusque and strict. Quick to laugh that low chuckle of hers. Iskierka seemed as if she'd never laughed in her life, and he felt more like a maggot than a person when her eyes found him. He could feel her judging him for Darya, and judging him again when Eveyth Rose so early, right in the middle of lessons. It would have been different if it was just him, but her disdain was palpable toward everyone in that class. No one counted her as friend. That was fair enough, but he rather suspected that no one would turn to her, either, if they had a need.

Then again, he had, hadn't he? Not that it had done much good, apart from bringing M'kai. The too-young bluerider had been suddenly quite willing to come help with the class when the Fears Weyrlingmaster was called upon. Was it unfair to think of it that way? Perhaps. But no one had to know his thoughts, and he was unlikely to voice something so harsh.

"No more than you," he observed softly. A fair guess, given she'd assumed as much of him, and people often saw their own motivations in others' actions. Human nature. Watching her stone sink as soon as it met the water, he cast another of his, the movements slower. It only skipped twice, at that speed. He didn't say anything. X'rx didn't care to deal with pride by presuming to instruct her on something so insignificant as skipping stones. If she wanted, though, the technique would have been easy enough to see, in that last toss.

He half-turned toward her, the woman shrouded in shadow; the clouds were out tonight, covering up most of the stars and moons...it left the dimmest of phantom glows to see by. Her features were near as hard as her eyes, he reflected, sharp planes and severe. And yet she was out here, wandering the banks as light faded from the world, just as he was. Not for an unfeeling heart, night wanderings. Top teeth scraped over his bottom lip lightly behind the mask of his lips. Likely to be told to mind his own business, but the question came just the same. "Do you still think of the ones that didn't come back when we Betweened?" he questioned, eyes moving over a face whose features he couldn't read in this light.

Turning back toward the river, he filled the silence before she could answer, giving her that out if she desired it. Only polite. He rather thought he didn't want to know if she didn't; it was nicer to think that Iskierka felt something small for them who were his friends and classmates. "I thought that would be the hardest thing. I knew them so much better than I did...but it feels worse, wondering if I could have..." ...done anything different, to save them. Leaving the thought unspoken, he figured that was all he really owed Iskierka, in the end. Explanation enough for his presence here. She'd probably just find him soft, anyway, and didn't care to hear it. And why not? He was soft.

[Ember]

Iskierka found herself wondering why she sought X'rx's company. There was always a reason with her, whether she thought of it after the fact or not. She could have joined him to help tire her own mind out. Or perhaps she had done it to try and see what was wrong. That was the duty of a Weyrlingmaster, wasn't it? To make sure their charges were 'okay.' Whatever that meant. She was fairly sure there was no such thing as truly okay. There were always some sort of burdens on one's mind.

His observation was met with a thoughtful hum before she responded. "So it would seem." It was meant as agreement though she knew well that it could also seem like she was disagreeing. She didn't care to clarify one way or the other. Iskierka noticed how X'rx threw his stone slower after her failed attempt and snorted softly. Teaching the teacher? Or mocking her by showing that he could do something she couldn't? Either way she picked up another stone and tossed it similarily. It was another failed attempt but...failing to skip stones was hardly shameful so why not keep trying?

X'rx turning more towards her wasn't lost on her and, surprisingly, she shifted slightly to face him better. Like most people she couldn't make out much from his expression in the dark. It meant he probably couldn't see her brief flicker of surprise that his question earned. She'd had a feeling it might be the Weyrling deaths that kept him up (it had only been earleir that day after all) but she hadn't expected him to..to confide in her. She wasn't exactly the emotionally supportive type. Her eyes searched his dark face as he turnedd back to the river and kept speaking.

Iskierka sighed. This was when people offered words of comfort, right? Personally she'd rather just send him to the Mindhealer but...she was there and Raebelli was not. "There was nothing that could be done," she said, admitting it as much for her sake as his. Nothing she did could have changed it. "If it is anyone's fault it's theirs for...well anyways, it's no one's fault.' Awkward Weyrlingmaster was awkward. She sighed again and added, "To answer your question, yes. I do think about them." Perhaps not with all the emotion in the world. More to wonder what they did wrong than to mourn...but still.

[Requiem]

Noting that the second throw was little better than the first, but that her form was far improved, X'rx filed that away for a brief time while awaiting her response. It was a response that was slow in the coming, to be sure, slow enough that he almost was convinced she wouldn't answer him at all, and had she not he wouldn't have been surprised in the slightest. He knew it wasn't a topic Iskierka much liked. Anything that involved emotions she seemed to want to avoid, but X'rx didn't really care one way or another. It was just as easy for her to walk away as it was for her to walk here to begin with, so he wasn't imposing on her. Nor really asking for a response, when it came right down to it, though he'd half-hoped she might give it him anyway; it was merely explanation, such as it was, for why he was out here to begin with.

The silence dragged on her sigh, and he tossed another of his flat river pebbles, watching it through it's four skips in silence. Only then did she finally speak, and his arm stilled mid-toss, falling back to his side. There was the barest twitch of a grim smile on his lips. Was she trying to comfort him? That was almost...sweet. And certainly unexpected, pariticularly from Iskierka. His laugh was raw, but musical in a strange way, like all things reduced to primality are. "My Eveyth said the same. My head says you're both right." Despite what many might think, his mind did rule him more than his emotions, and he often went with the logical over some passing feeling. Nevertheless... "But that doesn't banish the feeling, you know?" Or maybe she didn't. Who could tell.

Yet still, he was glad to get this glimpse of the woman beneath her ice. It made him feel a bit better for his classmates. "That's good. They're not truly dead until they're forgotten, I think," he stated, almost ambiguously, casting one of the last of his stones over the surface of the water. "They must be flattened, crushed, to not break the surface the instant they hit. But not just crushed, either. Smoothed. Reworked and rebirthed by the river. Only then can they skip across the water without breaking the surface. There is something almost noble about a perfectly formed sphere, but they will be the first to sink, because they have not been molded. They've felt no hardship, and do not know how to yield."

A light chuckle escaped his lips, as he cast out another stone. "Men are the same. The flexible bend and do not break, like saplings ravished by wind, but the mighty and solid are uprooted." Fingers curled around the stone. "My father said such things often. That humility, that a willingness to yield when the winds blow hard, are what keep men alive no matter who is placed above them. He forgot, though, I think. When the line was broken. He never liked that I had no interest in anything else, and wanted me to mount a dragon, or at least not be content with playing drudge. A proud man." Fiercely proud, yes. "So if I think of this as the crushing and polishing of a river stone, it isn't as bitter." His eyes flicked sidelong toward Iskierka again. "You probably didn't come to hear a boy's philosophy discussions."

[Ember]

Iskierka paused as he asked her if she knew what he meant. Did she? It was hard even for her to say. If she pushed a feeling aside she refused to acknowledge it anymore. She wondered if that meant it no longer existed or if it was still there. Hn. She settled for shrugging and humming non-commitally. She could, however, say, "In time the feeling will fade. There were far more survivors and we should focus on keeping them alive for the sake of those who didn't come back." We? Huh. She ought to have said X'rx and M'kai rather than 'we' given that it wasn't her class in question.

Also...could she get any cheesier? Live for others? Geh. She wrinkled her nose in disgust at herself. She was becoming soft. Such a lax environment wasn't good for her. Selenitas would be the death of her. She blinked as X'rx continued his mini-lesson in rock skipping and she picked another up only to discard it right away. According to what he was telling her it wasn't a good rock. Since when did the shape of pebbles matter so much? She found one that she thought ought to be suitable but she didn't bother watching to see if it skipped or not.

No, her efforts at skipping rocks were of little interest in comparison to X'rx's...speech. Had he always been so open and she hadn't noticed because she hadn't associated with him? Or was it the night atmosphere that loosened his thoughts? She found his thoughts...interesting to say the least. She hadn't expected him to be...well...any sort of intelligent really. Yet here were these complex ideas, whether they were told to him by another or not. It seemed at least one of her students was more than they seemed. The others....

When he concluded she snorted in almost-amusement. "No, I didn't. But then again, I didn't come for anything in particular. But according to your theories or whatever you stand a better chance in this world than someone like I do," she commented softly. Iskierka knew very well that she didn't yield. At least, not where it probably mattered. Trees only grew in one direction though, and that was up. There was no changing who she was.

[Requiem]

We. He noticed the use of the pronoun, too, and hid a smile. Which was easy enough in this lighting. Oh, he knew why teachers tried to be hard and all - or at least thought he did - but Iskierka was the only one who'd had him convinced. Sel'n and his trenches and Darya and her huge piles of raw bloody meat, neither had fooled him. Iskierka had, though. It was easier to believe of one of the Benden riders, perhaps. X'rx was...quicker...to believe ill of them than he was with anyone else, much as he wasn't proud of the fact; Benden had killed his father.

One. Two. Three. Three skips. She wasn't paying attention to her success, though. He smiled slightly. "You seem to have done well enough. I'm just a kid, after all. And anyway...generalizations are generalizations. I know that there are reasons, that people can't seem like they'll bend. If you weren't a little flexible, though..." He left the thought unspoken. Iskierka was alive, wasn't she? And she was sent from Benden, by a Fort bronzerider. If nothing else, she had to bend a little to weather the change, and to be willing to do his bidding, didn't she?

"There's such a thing as being too flexible," he added quietly, mostly to himself. A flick of the wrist, sending another stone skipping. "People take advantage when they know you're accomodating." Not that X'rx knew any other way to be. Or really wanted to be any different. Say what they may, he didn't mind doing things for other people, even when it was obvious he was just being used. It was...what he'd been born for, in an odd way. Was it really wrong to be well-suited to the role? None of his siblings had taken to it so easily. X'rx didn't find himself stupid or weak or cowardly. He read into things most didn't see, was strong internally, and he'd never hesitated to help no matter what it might cost him. Cr'oph was evidence enough of that. There just wasn't much fight in him.

The last stone cast, he slid his hands into his pockets to warm them, turning toward Iskierka. "You know, it probably wouldn't hurt...showing it every once in awhile. Not often. And not very obviously. But I would have worked harder for you if I thought you cared for any of us." An odd statement, anyway, cause X'rx and Eveyth worked hard for each other. Still and all, even trying your best, a sliver of encouragement could help push you even further. He shrugged mildly, just one shoulder. "Thank you."