and all the madness (z'ves)

[Avu]

Pretending it had never happened was not working.

Not that Ka’aen would’ve noticed it if Rhiiseth hadn’t very bluntly told him so. It had kind of shocked him to realize that he was in a perpetually bad mood. Fortunately, Ka’aen’s bad moods were, while very pervasive, not the kind that started fights or brawls. It was just that he snapped more easily; his smiles were a little tighter and a little less genuine; he was even less likely to get up at a halfway decent time. Rhiiseth noticed, though, and made it very clear that he did not approve, even if he did sympathize; as the blue put it, he wouldn’t have wanted Lucith to Fly him either. It was understandable. And then the conversation was over, which left Ka’aen feeling very stupid, which was mostly why he was irritable to begin with—stupid to even get into that drinking contest; stupid to conveniently forget that Z’ves was not just a lay because he was Z’ves and inherently un-lay-worthy.

Rhiiseth had suggested meditating in a tone that actually suggested that the thought of KaHis meditating was hysterically funny.

Ka’aen had flicked him off.

Then he’d left the Weyr and was currently sitting by the river, attempting to arrange himself in a meditative position, which was kind of difficult given that he didn’t really know what that was even supposed to look like, never mind whether or not he could adequately contort himself into anything even vaguely akin to it. He tried, and he figured it was the thought that counted, particularly with meditation, and even went as far as a vague hum before he gave up, feeling even stupider than he had when he’d begun, ended up sitting cross-legged, bare-foot, by the side of the river with his pants getting muddy and his elbows poking uncomfortably into his knees, chin propped up on top of his curled fingers, eyeing the water like it had personally offended him.

It didn’t help that he still had bruises on his wrist. They were faded to the point of near-invisibility, of course, but he knew they were there and that was bad enough. Wearing long sleeves was, fortunately, the status quo at the Weyr, it being practically winter, even if it was definitely a Southern winter and therefore did not, in Ka’aen’s opinion, count as an actual winter, but Ka’aen still didn’t like the necessity of it. What if he’d wanted to go parading around without long sleeves, hmm? What then? (Yeah—utterly beside the point, but it was easier turning it into little discomforts than looking at it as a whole.)

Face your fears until they turn into triumphs, the Mindhealers say, Rhiiseth purred comfortably into his mind, the sound of his ‘voice’ suggesting the blue was utterly at ease, and unable to be disturbed; the dragon had not left his weyrledge just because KaHis had gone off in a huff. Prevents the stir of stress and strain later.

Ka’aen rolled his eyes. “Dear self,” he murmured, “Do you wish to drop all alcohol between?” He considered a moment. “No, I do not. I like it. However, the effects could do with some tampering. Very good, self. What about a certain bluerider?” He paused. “Could go either way on that, I suppose. Are we done with the soul-searching? I think so. Good.” Talking to himself didn’t feel natural—if anything, it just made him feel stupider than ever, but hey, maybe if it got him somewhere…uh, no, it probably hadn’t; Ka’aen expected that Rhiiseth was laughing hysterically to himself back on the weyrledge where he was safe from KaHis’ flailing.

Lovely.

[Rei]

Z’ves had been in such a good mood lately. Or rather as good a mood as he could ever attest to. Things with J’ash where going. Not particularly stunningly but they hadn’t imploded either. He still had his hold on his wing mate and that wasn’t going anywhere. Baring unfortunately circumstances anyway. He had finally found someone worth pursuing. There where plans in motion. Hands in his pockets the bluerider was, in fact for once, simply just taking a walk. He was even whistling a short and simple tune as he strode along. The picture of a nice guy enjoying a nice walk. The little tune Z’ves was whistling was a testament to the fact that the bluerider was in a good mood. He rarely cared for music. Even whistling. Fortunately or perhaps unfortunately however you cared to take it, his soft whistle was interrupted by the sound of a voice. Tilting his head he stopped.

A familiar voice it was at that. Ah where had he heard it again? The corners of his lips turning upwards in an amused smile Z’ves broke from the path and made his way closer to the riverbank. It was a predominantly curious reaction. Was that who he thought it was? When the sitting figure came fully into sight the man tried not to laugh. Well it was Ka’aen. Fancy that. Hadn’t seen his fellow Wastelander since the night of the hatching feast. Hmm that had been quite a ride. Nice night. Perhaps the other was seeking to avoid him? Chuckling a little darkly the bluerider dropped into an easy crouch and began to creep steadily towards his fellow rider. Just what was he muttering anyway?

Catching the last of it Z’ves crept up behind Ka’aen and when he was a few feet away gave a loud chuckle, hopefully startling the other man. “Aww gee Lover.” The last word was spoke with a purring lit to the tone. “You are really considering dropping me between?” The bluerider actually managed to sound good and hurt on the last sentence, although it was obvious he felt nothing of the sort if you happened to catch his grin. “And after I showed you such a good time too. You should be grateful that I’m not some stuck up greenrider who would lock her door on you.” Oh yes Z’ves had heard about that too. Weyr gossip and all that. “No in fact my weyr is always open to you lovely.” Again the tone was caressing and he even went so far as to trail a finger lightly up the other man’s back.

Ignore that dear Ka’aen.

[Avu]

Speak of the devil and he will appear, was that it?

He barely managed not to jump. As it was, he snorted at his brand new nickname to cover his surprise, tilted his head back to eye Z’ves. But Faranth, did he have to know everything? Feyrianth’s Flight had been forever ago. Well—didn’t matter; if that was how Z’ves was going to play it, then Ka’aen supposed he could play it that way, too. It wasn’t the ‘pretend it never happened’ that he’d been going for, but hey; apparently that hadn’t been working anyway and this thing was at least a change. (Ka’aen didn’t allow himself to think on the whole ‘it gets worse before it gets better’ idea—that was just pessimistic and yeah, he was sticking with fiercely optimistic on this, if at all possible.) Ka’aen leaned back into the other man’s touch, tilted his head coyly.

“You didn’t stay for breakfast,” was the first thing that came out. “At least stuck-up greenriders who lock people out can’t really go anywhere, so they’re guaranteed to stick around, providing you hang outside their door long enough.” He kept his tone light, droll, like it was a joke. And anyway, Ka’aen was very glad Z’ves hadn’t stuck around. A hangover was bad, but tolerable. A hangover plus being incredibly sore was a little worse. A hangover plus being incredibly sore plus Z’ves being a brat first thing in the morning wasn’t even something Ka’aen wanted to consider. It gave him a headache just thinking about—he couldn’t imagine how bad it would be to live it out. Thank Faranth for small mercies.

He smiled disarmingly, turning around so he was facing Z’ves. “Did you come to kiss up to my ego? I don’t think I’m ready to accept apologies, honey.” Anyone but Ka’aen might have turned the words into a blatant go-away tone. He didn’t; he was still acting like it was a joke. Ugh. “Get back to me in a few months; you know how I like to wallow in self-pity,” he went on casually. “But really, it’s your loss. I make a mean omelet.” Which, was, again, utterly beside the point (especially considering he didn’t even have a kitchen in his weyr and usually ate in the Main Hall because he was too lazy to make his own meals when there were already-prepared meals right there), but he was mostly just talking anyway. Didn’t matter.

A flicker of interest from Rhiiseth.

Of course the blue was interested now. Ka’aen wished he could be surprised, but really; Rhiiseth was always more interested when there was somebody else involved. And it wasn’t like he was even very fond of Z’ves or Lucith either. He knew they were clutchsiblings, but that didn’t mean Rhiiseth liked his brother—and while he still thought KaHis was the epitome of stupid for getting drunk to begin with, neither did the blue like that Z’ves did not feel the need for consent. Offering knight in shining armor, if need be?

Ka’aen actually considered. What would you do, talk him to death? I think I could do that.

[Rei]

Aww no jump. What a pity. He had been going for surprise too. Still it seemed Z’ves was going to get something out of it at least as Ka’aen actually leaned into the touch. Chuckling under his breath the bluerider spread his whole palm on the other’s back and leaned forward. What was this now? Had to be some game that his fellow Wastelander was playing. At the very least it was amusing. He had been excepting coldness and to be told to fuck off. This. This was entirely something different and the other man found it…encouraging. How good of the other bluerider to provide further amusement for him. What fun. Slowly he rubbed his old classmate’s back.

Tilting his head at the coy look and the words Z’ves smiled slow and gentle at Ka’aen. His eyes intentionally betrayed his amusement however. Hmmm. Breakfast? Well. Well. Adopting an apologetic look the other bluerider feigned upset. “Oh lover. I am so sorry. I would have stayed really, but duty called. Can’t skip drills just to cater to your whims lover. Much as I wish I could. I know it’s not fair.” A light chuckle. “I would have stuck around had I known how hurt you would be though.” The man’s expression changed again, a smirk forming on his face his time. Oh this was just priceless.

As Ka’aen turned around to face him with a wide smile Z’ves dropped his hand from the other’s back, turning it around to place it dramatically on his chest. “You wound me my darling. Had I known how upset you where...” The bluerider let the sentence trail off adopting a hurt look. “Oh please that can’t be true. You must find it somewhere in your heart to forgive me my dear Ka’aen.” His expression turned to playful and seductive as he leaned forward, as if hovering for a kiss. “Do let me make it up to you lover. I’m sure I can make it worth your while to listen.” The words where mumbled in a caressing tone. Loving. Reassuring. A tone he normally reserved for after things got violent in the bedroom. Didn’t his fellow Wastelander see how much he loved him?

It was all to easy to fall from one expression to the other after turns of practice. Z’ves was simply amusing himself. Ka’aen was simply just….asking for it with this whole ruse. The other bluerider was interested to see just how long he would keep it up before this old classmate gave up and flailed. Or flipped out. Either would be just simply…amusing. A hand touched his companion’s leg then. Slowly sliding seductively up towards his thigh. “You don’t really mean such things do you lover?”

[Avu]

This wasn’t working.

The entire ‘game’ was making him even more irritable by the minute, mostly because, yeah, he could understand how some idiots might fall for Z’ves, and that really wasn’t helping at all—not to mention that he personally knew one of the idiots in question, or had, and considering that her death had been mostly Z’ves’s fault (and partially his own for not bothering to get a clue while he’d had the chance), so. Where did that leave him? It left him kind of wanting to punch Z’ves, was where. But of course that wouldn’t do, to mess up the game that they were playing. Ka’aen sniffed, an overdramatic show of huffiness; his arms crossed over his chest loosely. His chin lifted slightly as Z’ves hovered closer, gaze flicking down towards the bluerider’s mouth briefly.

The hand on his thigh marked his own turn, though; Ka’aen’s gaze flicked back to meet Z’ves’s before he slid his own fingers through Z’ves’s, pushing the bluerider’s hand off his leg and leaving their fingers entwined, palms pressed together. When he spoke, the words were not really a proper answer to Z’ves’s pleas for forgiveness, mostly because Ka’aen didn’t think he could manage to make it sound even vaguely true, game or not. Instead, he tilted his head, not bothering to pull back from the almost-a-kiss. “You know what,” he whispered, almost intimately soft—there really was no reason to raise his voice with Z’ves right there, “I’m withholding sex until further notice.”

He tugged his hand away from Z’ves’s, pushed his palm lightly at the bluerider’s shoulder—not enough to upset his balance unless he was really taken by surprise. Not that Ka’aen would be complaining if he did fall flat or something, but whatever. It wasn’t very important, in the grand scheme of things.

“You forget who my dragon is, dear? Pretty words don’t get anywhere once you’ve had Rhii stuck in your head for twelve years.” A lopsided, slanted smile, just this side of smug. Happy accident, maybe, that Rhiiseth loved to talk in riddles and crooned poems. Made him that much more immune to Z’ves, didn’t it? Personal history helped, too. It helped a lot. (That wasn’t something he ever brought up—it was easier to forget. Rhiiseth didn’t even remember anymore, so little did it cross Ka’aen’s mind until…well, about now.) “I’m going to be needing dinner and flowers and some really, really romantic shit before you start trying to seduce me again.”

That, and a lot of alcohol. Ka’aen was about ninety-nine percent sure that there was no way that he’d allow himself to be seduced when he was sober—the other one percent was reserved for the unlikely but possible chance that he totally lost his mind and started, who knew, flirting with trees or something. In which case he imagined that it would be incredibly easy to seduce him. “My favorite flowers are stargazers, and I’m not picky about my food, but during-dinner entertainment would be nice, can you hire a Harper?”

[Rei]

Well this seemed to be working.

In a roundabout way of course. However Z’ves knew he was getting at least something out of Ka’aen. Maybe it wasn’t exactly what he wanted but eh that was okay. He’d take what he could get. Especially since the other bluerider was being so nicely accommodating. It amused the man really. And that was one of the key things Z’ves looked for in all his interactions. Amusement. He got bored far to easily normally. But this? This was fun. This was reaction and he was curious to see how far he could push before his former classmate retaliated in a different way. He liked this current mix though. This mostly playful interaction with just a slight twist of irritation and maybe annoyance mixed in. It was fun and made him want to push at barriers. See what he could make break.

The huffiness caused Z’ves to smile and he tilted his head. “Aww come on lover don’t be that way.” He purred silkily at almost the same time his hand was taken. The threading of fingers through his own was actually a bit of a surprise, as was the palm pressed so closely against his. The bluerider did well to keep that feeling of surprise from totally showing but his lips did twitch out of their pout and into a smile. He still didn’t draw back from Ka’aen’s face though. Not even when the other started his return whispering speech. In response Z’ves half lidded his eyes. “Now, now lover.” He returned in a light and almost playful tone. “We both know you’ll be begging me to ride you after just a few days. Idle threats Ka’aen.”

Still Z’ves allowed the other man’s push to increase the distance between them. It didn’t come as to much of a surprise. The rider figured his fellow Wastelander would try for a bid for space sooner rather than later though. The fact that his former classmate had waited so long to finally try and insert some distance was…interesting. Hmmm.

Ka’aen’s next words caused Z’ves to actually laugh, his blue eyes fixing on the other’s face with undisguised amusement. “How could I forget. He of the silver tongue. The master poet himself. Romantic extraordinaire. If your blue was human he would have more girls crawling over him than all the brothels Brita boasted combined.” It was a bit of an exaggeration but Rhiiseth did have a way with pretty words. He wasn’t shy either, not even as hatchling when he’d annoy the hell out of the entire barracks with the crap he spewed. Dragon was far to loose with his mind. It was a wonder that he and Lucith were actually full brothers. They certainly weren’t much alike. But see even now his fellow bluerider was still continuing with the game. Lips twitched from a smile into a wide grin.

“Ah I see. How about a candle lit dinner back at my place? Rose petals on the bed, wine, your favorite flower on your pillow. I’m sure we can even force one of those wherhandler harpers to sing you a pretty tune. How about the blonde one with the gold wher? If not him I can always serenade you out on your ledge. Then afterwards I can give you a nice rub down and we can talk about this ban on my sex. Sound good to you lover?” Z’ves gave Ka’aen a seductive look. “Or we can just skip all that needless crap and get right down to what you really want.”

[Avu]

There was a little, irritating voice in his head that sounded like a dead greenrider telling him that hey, you are totally setting yourself up for a bad fall; you are as dumb as crap for doing this; you should never expect Z’ves to play by the rules, remember? And Ka’aen kind of knew it was totally true, did not honestly want to continue the game any further, but once you were in, you were in, and that was that. And he knew where his limits were. He did. It would never come down to a second round, ever. It was just mildly therapeutic to get angry and recognize why he was angry, and, further, to prove (mostly to himself—he didn’t think Z’ves cared) that ha, he was not a damsel in distress and could cope just fine with this, thank you.

Okay, maybe that wasn’t quite ‘just fine’, but he was getting there.

“‘Idle’ is exactly what you’re going to be,” he said sweetly, and if Ka’aen was a worse actor he would have batted his eyelashes at Z’ves, too, but he recognized subtlety—if only half the time. And in any case he was already basically over the top—did not do this on a regular basis. But then, Z’ves was special, wasn’t he; Ka’aen might be casual and friendly and all about the camaraderie with other guys: That didn’t apply here, hadn’t since a little after they’d graduated from Weyrlinghood. Over a decade. And wasn’t that enough to make any guy feel kind of screwed—yeah, I’ve been at odds with the same guy for over a decade and we’ve never actually talked about it. I know I have avoidance issues, how about you?

Only a smile in response to Z’ves’s description of Rhiiseth—poetic enough in its own right. Certainly had Rhiiseth purring in the back of Ka’aen’s mind. Just because the blue did not like Z’ves (mostly because there was no love lost between he and Lucith, with Z’ves guilty only by proximity) and had no illusions as to whether his sibling and his rider actually liked him did not mean he could not recognize and approve of a compliment when he heard it. Romantic extraordinaire indeed.

He outright laughed at Z’ves’s offer—followed immediately by a proposition. Is that what he was like with all those other girls, with R’ril and whatever other man he happened to decide to seduce, or was Ka’aen just striking a jackpot here? His smile was a little more genuine, crooked with twisted amusement and self-deprecation at letting this game go on so long already—he itched to be gone, done with it; the mud was drying into cracked dirt on his pants and the threads of impatient irritation still shivered under his skin. “The romance is dead,” he finally sighed. “Our relationship has deteriorated into purely physical and I just can’t do this anymore.”

Suiting the words to action, Ka’aen pushed himself off of the ground, the motion bringing his lips dangerously close to Z’ves’s cheek; would be easy to lean forward just that much more, a good-bye to his lover. Instead Ka’aen straightened entirely, brushing stray dirt off of his thighs. “I have a romantic extraordinaire waiting for me,” he said simply. “He doesn’t mind flowers.”