love like ghosts [k’thay]

[Avu]

He had systematically disabled the lock on K’thay’s door, carefully prowled through the bluerider’s weyr, and, upon ascertaining that there was, indeed, nobody at home, A’emi had promptly turned and gone straight to K’thay’s bed. Wrapped in a blanket of his own, one tied over his shoulders and dragging on the floor in true superhero fashion, he arranged all of K’thay’s pillows into a pile in the middle of the furs, and proceeded to burrow into them. A few squirms later, A’emi had arranged himself suitably, buried under a veritable mountain of pillows and furs, his own blanket still wrapped around him like a cape.

It wasn’t long before his two mindmates also invaded K’thay and Castidenloth’s living space. Kyrahth was surprisingly less intrusive – although that was, perhaps, out of necessity, the green sprawling across Castidenloth’s weyrledge shamelessly. Her wings flared, closed, and finally settled at her sides in aggravation, head turning to scan the skies. I fail to see why our weyr will not suffice for your burrowing tendencies, the green commented, her tone not quite as icy as it typically was. She didn’t understand, but she knew there was something not quite right.

Nghfffff, A’emi replied eloquently, as Darkling wormed her way into his little furs-and-pillows cavern, and nuzzled into his neck cheerfully, whispering mischievous secrets into his ear. The greenrider wiggled, freeing his hand to swat idly at Darkling. “Not noooow,” he whined, and nuzzled back into the blankets again like an overgrown domestic feline. “Go ‘way, Darkliiing…” It was with an aggrieved sigh that he allowed the dark green firelizard to curl up along his back, turning his face back into the mattress.

Are you drunk? Kyrahth inquired politely.

It’s too early to be drunk, A’emi replied. More’s the pity. It was, indeed, quite early in the morning – just before noon. He stretched, made a small discontent noise, and then yawned. I think I might do that, though. Later tonight? Alone, I mean. No, he wouldn’t come to K’thay’s weyr to drink. He would, however, come to bother the other man. Or, in this case, ask for a sedative, because it was seriously too early to be awake yet today, and he wasn’t really willing to poison himself with fellis trying to get the dose right.

Most unsatisfactory, Kyrahth murmured, sounding rather put out. Then, raising her head, the green added, Castidenloth and His approach. And, utterly shameless, she flicked one wing upwards in greeting to the blue, as if welcoming him to his own ‘ledge.

[Tashe]

No... that's not... Tell me that's not who I think it is. Do you want the truth? Or would you rather I lie? K'thay groaned into his Dragon's neck. If Kyrahth was on their Weyrledge it meant that A'emi was in his Weyr. And if he was in his weyr it meant that the Bluerider was going to have to entertain him. He really was not in the mood. Clenching the straps in his hands as Castidenloth dove into the canyon, he flattened himself against the male's neck until the pulled up and leveled out. It took a few moments of gliding before they reached the occupied ledge, reducing speed the Blue angled himself so that he could drop down into the unoccupied space. Hello Kyrahth. Cass lowered himself onto his stomach so his Rider could not only slide down but also remove his riding leathers.

Once finished K'thay tossed the straps over his shoulder and marched inside ready to throw something at the Greenrider. Which unfortunately would probably end up being the straps themselves. Eyes sweeping the place for disturbances they stopped immediately on his bed. His nicely made bed was now a... a nest! Hanging the Riding straps on their hook, he took off his own leathers and hung them next to Cass's. Stalking over to his door he pulled it open and hit no resistance of the lock that was supposed to keep A'emi's out. At least when he had installed the new lock, he had hoped it was going to be complicated enough to at the very least slow the other man down. Apparently not. "I am getting a deadbolt." He announced. Strides eating up the distance between the door and the pillow pile, he stalked to the bedside and started pulling pillows off until he found the intruders face.

"You." He said accusingly. "Why are you nesting on my bed? Are you a feline? Shall we be expecting kittens in the near future? I know of a perfect place to drown them. I mean. I know of some wonderful people who'd be willing to adopt a few." Now was one of the very few times K'thay was able to loom over someone. The bed itself wasn't very tall or very wide, giving the Bluerider the rest of his height to work with. All 5'7 of it. "You know that when I lock my door its because I'm out or I don't want visitors." Rather, he didn't want A'emi disturbing him. "So what is it this time? Boredom, poisoning, or do you need something?" He was being snappish. He realized that but honestly, how couldn't he be? His name was on the list of people being considered for a temporary Candidatemaster.

[Avu]

Fair skies, Castidenloth. The green dragon’s gaze swept over the blue coolly, Kyrahth coiling onto the far side of the ‘ledge to allow the male space to land. She left it at that – Kyrahth had no desire for idle conversation one way or another. And certainly not when Hers wasn’t his usual obnoxious self. Must he be so good at blocking her out? Huffing in quiet disapproval, Kyrahth coiled a little tighter, tail swishing loosely across the weyrledge. Her eyes half-closed, more against the sun than in an actual display of relaxation…but if it made her look like she was at ease, that was only an added benefit, was it not?

Deadbolt?

The word sounded fuzzy and strange under the pile of blankets and furs, but the intent behind them was clear enough. A’emi closed his eyes wearily, mumbling a near-incoherent, “Don’t do that…” into the mattress, fingers slipping down mechanically to the belt knife strapped to his hip. Anger always brought out the instinct to go for something sharp and pointy. Darkling went between from his back, her disappearance leaving the furs to drop on top of him a little more, a warm hollow where the firelizard had been. The mischief of her thoughts brushed against his, but A’emi lacked the energy to stop her – didn’t really matter. K’thay might be startled but that would be about it, and Darkling was fast enough to dodge anything he might throw out of instinct.

“Hey,” he objected quietly, blinking his eyes shut when the pillow directly above his eyes was removed, and his brow furrowed in a petulant frown at K’thay. The frown darkened as the bluerider went on, blue eyes narrowing indignantly. And okay, maybe A’emi was being a little unfair (a lot, actually) but no. K’thay was absolutely not allowed to be snappy, not today. The greenrider twisted, lunging forward and grabbing the pillow back; hugging it to his chest, he collapsed back onto the bed again, and he was definitely glaring. Because this was his nest, thank you very much. Growl.

“I needed something, actually, and I wanted to ask you a question,” he responded, sulky, and wiggled down further into the covers defiantly. “And I don’t know why you have a stick up your ass at ten in the morning but I’m only here at all because it’s too early to get drunk.” A’emi sniffed indignantly, crossing his arms over the pillow. It was his now. “But the question doesn’t matter, since I’m betting I’d get a sarcastic answer anyway, so just – do you have fellis?”

Darkling chose to make her appearance then, gliding silently up behind K’thay. It was a very delicate art, and she’d perfected it – the green firelizard hovered behind the bluerider’s back, and then darted forward and shrieked in his ear – loud and sudden enough to earn a hissed expletive from her own Bonded, A’emi twitching involuntarily. Darkling didn’t wait for K’thay’s reaction – trial and error had proven many reacted violently to such a shock; the green vanished between to curl around A’emi’s neck instead, crooning sweetly at K’thay.

[Tashe]

Itching a spot on his hide with the side of his nose, the Blue was almost tempted to bite at it like a canine. Only the knowledge of how sharp his teeth actually were stopped him from doing so. Castidenloth arched his back and stretched before settling himself on his stomach, the still relatively cool surface of the ledge was a nice contrast to Rukbat overhead. He poked around with the idea of speaking more with the Green but the hint of finality that had been in her voice made him avoid it. It seemed that neither of their Riders were in the best of moods. He was hopeful that His would prove to be the one to get over the rut first, so he could help Kyrahth's like he always did. He winced when K'thay suddenly intruded his mind with agitation...

Letting the pillow go as A'emi became a viper, K'thay frowned downward at the nesting male. Oh great, the Greenrider was sulking. Or had been. Being the kind of guy he was K'thay momentarily felt guilty for focusing his frustration where it wasn't needed. Well... not now at least. But when it was all said and done with he was still unhappy. "Tch." So it was the third option. How did he guess. Sighing as he crossed his arms the Bluerider tried to switch into a better mood, or at least into one where he could deal with A'emi and not take a crack at him again. "Sorry, I just haven't had a good morning. I'm not always pleasant you know." Picking up a pillow he had removed, he dropped it back onto the pile. "Drinking alone is a bad habit to start." He picked up another and deposited it in the same fashion. "I promise not to give you a sarcastic answer if you really need to ask me something and yes... I have fellis. But are you injured?"

"Fell-aaagh!" He jumped noticeably when Darkling screeched in his ear, stifling a stream of curses that he was itching to berate her with. Farnath damn firelizards and their sharding weird personalities bonded to equally strange people! He settled for complaining silently to Castidenloth, who offered him a wave of sympathy in return. Turning his gaze at the Green she-demon, he pointed at her with a glare. Doing his best to translate 'I'm-going-to-eat-you-one-of-these-days' from his mind to his gaze. He stayed like that for a few moments before returning his attention back onto A'emi.

"As I was trying to say, Fellis is a messy business to get involved in." He was loathe to give the other rider any if he didn't really need it. In fact, he even kept it in the locked portion of his cabinet. Now that was a lock he could be proud of. Anyone would be hard pressed to open it without a very specific key.

[Avu]

He frowned petulantly up at K’thay, waiting for the bluerider to adjust his mood. Good, he’d seen that there was already one grouchy person too many in the room and that there was clearly only room for one, and that A’emi was not prone to being benevolent and allowing another to sulk in his stead. He would, however, allow K’thay his safety-lecture on fellis; he figured it kind of came with the package. You keep fellis, you lecture people on its use. One and one make two. That didn’t mean A’emi enjoyed it, though, and, past his own surprise at Darkling, he smothered a wickedly triumphant little grin.

Ha-ha.

Darkling curled around his neck smugly, cooing sweetly up at K’thay and blinking innocently as he went on. She quieted at a brush of the mind from A’emi, the greenrider exhaling loudly and rolling his eyes to demonstrate his impatience. “I’m not injured. I can’t sleep and I feel dumb just lying on my bed waiting for something to happen when nothing will and fellis is by far the best sedative, isn’t it?” He tilted his head to one side, blinking, because the veritable spew of words was his usual way of communication anyway. “And it’ll be out of my system before the drinking anyway, unlike some of those other weird sedatives that like to stick around for weeks.”

A faint hesitation, the greenrider hugging the pillow against his chest and resting his chin against it thoughtfully, and then he asked, “Do you believe in ghosts?”

The question came out more solemn than he’d intended. A’emi blinked, almost flinching back from it, and then compensated by adding, “And before you ask, it is important. Kind of, maybe?” He squirmed further down into the covers, Darkling fluting quietly in his ear as her claws prickled at K’thay’s pillow, tail coiling around his neck tighter, and the sound was easily translated: Stop mooooving. A’emi crinkled his nose at her, pleased for the momentary distraction, and then added to K’thay, gaze flicking down and away from the bluerider, “Do you? Kyr doesn’t…”

Because they don’t exist, the green commented with an air of great finality, firmness and absolute confidence woven through her tone. She curled on the weyrledge, a good distance from Castidenloth, though she wasn’t exactly on the very edge. No, she trusted him enough that she allowed herself a comfortable space. Just…space, still. Always, space. Do you want me to check under the bed for monsters too? Or the closet. I hear they like to hide there, too.

[Tashe]

"Well... yes. Fellis is the best sedative, but there are reasons even Healers are hesitant to give it to patients. Its really addictive. Personally I would try various teas and stuff before breaking out the Fellis." He was about to suggest a pillow stuffed with lavender and other herbs but stopped just shy of doing so, instead giving the Greenrider a very skeptical stare.

"Ghosts... like, the disembodied souls of dead people?" He sat down on the side of the bed and put the side of a finger to his chin in thought. "Honestly, I don't believe in them. I'm pretty sure if I did start believing in them, I'd be hounded by the Rider's I've killed over the years." K'thay crossed his arms. "I think Cass does though. Or at least, if the person who died experienced something gruesome then the place they expired in could contain residual traces of their "being". I don't agree at all. I think once you die that's it. You pass on to the next universe and spend quality time with your Dragon." He leaned toward the other man slightly. "Is that why you can't sleep, do you think... a ghost," There was a little humor in his voice but not enough, he hoped, to be hurtful. "is haunting you or something?"

The Bluerider patted A'emi's arm. "I guess I can give you a dose of Fellis if your sleep deprivation is really bad... but I'm not giving you any to take back to your room." He settled his hand back into its nook between his chest and the bend in his elbow. Right now, A'emi looked very much like a kid who'd had a bad dream and crawled into his father's bed seeking comfort. K'thay sighed quietly. He wasn't very fond of kids, but he didn't like it when they were troubled. And the Greenrider reminding him of one made a small part of his brotherly instincts kick in. "If there's a reason you can't sleep, you can tell me about it. Seriously. And I'll do my best to help you feel more comfortable. How 'bout it, ne?" He wanted to shoot another glare at Darkling deciding against it at the last moment, instead leveling his gaze at A'emi with an inviting smile.

[Avu]

Put like that, it sounded faintly ridiculous.

A’emi frowned, not at K’thay but to himself, in contemplation. Disembodied souls of dead people was not…was it? No, he decided, after a minute, that wasn’t really what he meant, but it was close enough, he supposed. Or at least, he didn’t know how to accurately describe it. “I knew there was some reason I liked Casti,” he sighed, burying his face into the pillow and peering up at K’thay through his eyelashes. The question, however, earned a decidedly startled look that quickly moved into an offended one, “No! That’s not…I don’t think that’s what I’m talking about, your dead people ghosts. Although, I mean, yeah, dead people, but not…because they’re dead, you know?”

When had he stopped making sense? A’emi wondered, making a face as he realized just how unintelligible that particular sentence was. The offer of fellis earned K’thay a curious blink. “Uh?” he replied, not quite sure how that was going to work, unless, “Are you offering your bed? Kind of pointless if you’re not in it…” because the lewd flirtations were his fall-back, even when the words came out garbled around the pillow he had pressed his face into. K’thay was being nice and it was kind of awkwardly scary, because K’thay was not supposed to be nice, not really—though A’emi supposed part of him had wanted him to be nice, if he’d come at all—and that clearly meant he was doing something wrong.

Or just not doing a good enough job flirting (to keep away his ghosts, the kind that weren’t disembodied souls that went ‘boo’).

“Um,” he answered, at the offer to talk, although honestly it made him feel vaguely squeamish, because ugh, feelings, “It’s a…deathday? Like a birthday, except not? Anniversary, I guess. A really morbid anniversary. I don’t know.” Darkling made a soft sound in his ear, licking his jaw; loved Hers, did the green, even if that in no way stopped her taking an unholy joy in surprising him. He paused, and peered up at K’thay again, “That sounds dumb, even to me.” There were a lot of death anniversaries in a war, of course, but there was only the one he acknowledged.

He was fairly sure when he was a kid he’s sulked every year his parents had decided to foster him and his brother, but that was different, kind of; neither of them had been dead. That had been passing, too; three years later and A’emi’d stopped thinking about them for months at a stretch. He kind of figured that this whole death anniversary thing would pass, too; he was less inclined to sulk about it at Selenitas where it hadn’t happened than he’d been at Fort. But. Still. Sulk he would.

[Tashe]

"Ghosts of memories." If it wasn't the tangible kind of ghost that people believed it, it had to be that. "Something that keeps you on edge, but you can't quite pinpoint it. Bothersome and exhausting, but you just can't seem to make it go away no matter what you do. Something that comes and goes, but always seems to pop up around the same time during the Turn." Familiar it was. That feeling he described. He'd experienced his own ghosts in the past, occasionally forced to face them again and again even now. Nights where he couldn't sleep because something nagged at him until he found something to occupy his thoughts. He was fortunate in a way though, that he could see what bothered him instead of having no idea. The Bluerider was sure that not knowing would pester him a whole lot more than the few thoughts that lead him astray.

K'thay snorted mildly as he clasped his hands in his lap. "No, you can't have my bed. I was going to give you a glass with the mixture in it and send you off to bed, your bed mind you, so that you can take it in your room." Even while sulking, A'emi's flirting didn't quit. Tugging off his boots and stuffing his socks into their necks, he placed them near the foot of his bed before getting up. Removing his jacket, the Bluerider went to put it back on its hanger. He'd mix the other man a drink now, the fellis would last for a few hours before degrading in the liquid. It would last longer if mixed in water, but juice would taste better. Lifting the key from out of his shirt he unlocked the cabinet that housed his various poisons and retrieved the vile he needed. He rolled up his sleeves. Clearing the work area between the upper and lower sections, he poured a large glass of juice and used a small needlethorn syringe to add the fellis. It was more precise this way, even though it ruined the syringe's use for anything else. He didn't mind. Everything else he used had its own, why not this too. A clean stir stick was used to mix the drink, and he returned to his bedside after resetting the lock and tumbler system.

"You can take this whenever you want. Drink all of it when you do." Placing the cup down on the nightstand, K'thay returned to the spot he'd been originally. He'd listened to A'emi as he had worked, understanding in new clarity what really was the matter at hand. "Ah... It doesn't sound dumb." Shifting so that he could put a leg up on the bed the Bluerider rested his hands on his ankle. "The anniversary of someone's death, especially if that person was close to us, is important." He glanced at a picture that hung above the pegs by the Weyrledge entrance. It was small, only a six by six inch square. "See that painting? That flower is Anemone Sylvestris. Its also called the Snowdrop flower. It blooms only in the spring." He continued to gaze at the painting. "But I press one in a book every year so that in October I can throw it into the sea." Now he turned to look at the nested rider. "I do it because I want to remember the anniversary of my best friend's death. He loved Anemones and died at sea in an aerial battle."

"Most of us who battle in war, mourn at least one person. So why don't you, instead of drinking yourself silly later, think of something else to do. Some activity or thing that you and that person liked to do together. Maybe even just taking a walk in the evening and remember them. All the good and the bad." The Bluerider prodded A'emi's thigh. "It might do you a lot better than drowning yourself in liquor." He shrugged and prodded him again. "If I'm wrong, then I will personally break out the very good vintage of high percentage alcohol you've eyed occasionally on my shelf and split the bottle." He paused and itched the side of his nose. "But I really don't think I'll be mistaken, if you take my advice seriously. I know you don't like expressing feelings but once in a while its fine to dwell on them."

[Avu]

“Something like that.” A’emi pushed his face into the pillow, almost wishing he could leave it at that. It was terribly awkward talking about feelings, especially when he wasn’t even clear enough on his own to just bullshit his way out of it. He rolled his eyes with an overdramatic sigh at K’thay’s rejection—though he was honestly, he’d been expecting it, and even welcomed it, because it was more normal—and settled his chin onto the pillow to watch K’thay work. And if he peered a little more closely at the tumbler’s settings than anything else, it was only habit.

He reached out to rim the cup’s edge with one finger idly, crinkling his nose slightly, as it was set down on the nightstand and K’thay returned to his side, remaining silent when the bluerider spoke again. It wasn’t normal, his being that quiet, too raw, and A’emi was tempted to interrupt simply because he felt odd staying quiet, without the typical shields up. “’S pretty,” he settled for mumbling, following K’thay’s gaze to the painting in question. “Sweet of you,” he added, crinkling his nose, almost teasingly; he wouldn’t have considered the bluerider sentimental but…it was, kind of.

K’thay returning to him, though, and the poke in his thigh, had A’emi recoiling into the furs further, grasping the edges with one hand and pulling it almost over his head, peering out at K’thay, slightly indignant. “Thing is, there isn’t anything I liked to do with him that’s appropriate to think about when he’s dead, I’m not a necrophiliac,” he said reprovingly, and flicked his fingers at K’thay, “I don’t even like him. Or I didn’t, when he died. It was, uh—kind of like a love-hate thing, only without the love. And I don’t even really miss him. We weren’t friends.”

A mild sniff. A’emi really hadn’t had friends at Fort. During the first few Turns, right before and after he’d Impressed Kyrahth, he had, but then it’d started being safer if nobody cared where he was at suspicious times. So no friends, just wingmates and people he spoke with but never really connected with. Kyrahth had been good enough then. Then he blinked one eye cautiously at K’thay, considering, “You’d seriously split that alcohol?”