The Super-Serious Not-At-All-Parody No-Fun Thread

[Aftershock]

((First, the rules: This is actually a joke, and completely for fun. If you participate in this thread, you agree that any of your characters are open season, and realize they will be played in very silly, overblown, and mocking fashion, and thread participation means that you agree that you won't take it seriously. This is completely for fun, remember that. No hard feelings, for anyone. Now, the basic rules of how this thread works:

1) When you post, you claim a single character from whoever posted directly before you. From that point forward, once you've claimed a character, that is your character, and you can't switch out. If you post slowly, and end up having someone post before you and claim the character you had chosen, feel free to have a slap fight to determine who gets them. But still, one character per person, and no switching unless yours gets claimed by someone else while you're in the middle of posting your first reply.

2) Every character must be played for laughs. Personality aspects must be exaggerated, and the character must be played as if they were being played in a Weird Al song or a Mad Magazine film parody cartoon. Don't hold back.

3) You must god-mode like the newbiest of newbies. Do anything you want to any other character, and expect that character to undo everything you did in their post. Let's make this as ridiculous as possible.

4) The most important rule of them all: HAVE FUN!!! This is purely for laughs, and again, no hurt feelings allowed. Have at it!!!))


The scene: Everyone is in the dining hall, during what is breakfast for handlers and dinner for riders. The dining hall is exaggerated, as well, so it's huge, with enough room for even the most swelled of gold dragons without smooshing anyone. Everyone is quietly eating dinner/breakfast, with conversations filling the room with ambient noise, along with the clink of silverware and the scraping of chair legs.

[Requiem]

ALL HAIL GODDESS OF ALL! BOOM COMES SHE BOOM TO PARTAKE TRIBUTE BOOM ALL HAIL! BOOM ONE GODDESS BOOM BEST GODDESS! BOOM HAVE NO OTHER GODDESS BOOM ALL HAIL! CRASH!

Oops. He looked down at the door that he'd just ever-so-gently nudged open, lying on the floor. Would have to fix that later. Cainith laughed a booming laugh and thundered into the room. It really wasn't all that funny, but it was ironic, especially since he'd been hoping to avoid daylighters and other little people likely to piss him off. Didn't work so well with loud salamandyrs and doors flying though, did it? Oh well! A man his size had to eat!

TRIBUTE! Rollhead demanded, right on cue from his position on his 'Goddess's' shoulder. It was a testament to just how commonplace this scene had become that the dining hall was all abuzz again by this point, and only one little drudge scurried over with a couple trays stacked high with every imaginable foodstuff. (It was more to shut the blue up than out of any fear of the giant who broke every piece of furniture he encountered.)

[Sebz]

The cloth that covered X'rx served two purposes. The first was to hide him. A walking table cloth was not conspicuous at all, so it only made perfect sense to the green rider that he should assume that identity. Nobody would pay any attention to him while he was in that attire! The second purpose was that now X'rx was literally a giant wash cloth. X'rx smirked to himself. He was... Mr. Clean.

With every step, X'rx bent down and meticulously rubbed his sheet on the ground, ridding it of dust and grim alike. Nobody liked a dirty floor, so it was up to X'rx to please everybody. A clean floor meant happy people! "There we go!" he exclaimed, thourgouly pleased with himself as he wiped up small spill of klah. Somebody could have slipped and died!

Oh no! The giant had made his entrance, sending the door flying off it's hinges. X'rx froze in place, balancing precariously on his left leg, back hunched over for he had been reaching for a small grease stain. Stay frozen. Stay hidden. Nobody would see him. And it seemed that Caineth did not see him, for the giant man walked past him, eyes fixed to the front. X'rx looked at the cloth he woar in wonder. It seemed he had discovered something amazing. He had found... an invisibility cloak.

This was only fitting, every super hero needed a cloack, and Mr. Clean was no exeption. Finally, X'rx could truly be left to his own devises. Nobody would stare at him, nobody would bother him. Glancing to his right and then to his left, X'rx fisted the material in his hand. He must protect this cloth... his precious. Protect it he must! Suddenly he realized the whole world wanted to steal it. No! They could not have it! And then a thought pierced the overwhelming flow of thoughts that coursed through his head. They couldn't steal it from him as long as he wore it, because they couldn't see him.

X'rx lept to his feet and dashed across the hall. With a mighty leap he jumped on the table, cloth billowing after him. "You can't see me!" he yelled in delight, as he continued down the tables, overturning klah and food alike. That's right, X'rx thought to himself. He was causing a scene, and yet nobody could see him! He was in the center of attention, and yet he wasn't. But then X'rx froze. What on pern was he doing!? He was causing a mess! X'rx jumped off the table and began cleaning with renewed frenzy. He would not let a scrap of food escape him, because he was Mr. Clean and it was his mission to save the kitchen floor.

(Umm, yea. Fail.)

[Rei]

He was too sexy.

Too sexy for this room. Too sexy for Pern in all reality.
The vibrant blonde bounced into the dining hall in nothing but a bright pink tutu. Hands on his hips he swayed into the dining hall. Upon his head sat Casiloy the mandyr trumpeting an entrance as his bonded waltzed through the tables. Fashionista of Pern at your service. Just look at the deplorable level of fashion in this place! Raaaaaaaape! Exclaimed the brown mandyr on top of his head. “I know! It’s quite a crime my dear pet. Who let these people out of their weyrs?” Was that a giant washcloth?

“Oh my this is just a travesty!” He exclaimed to X’rx as he noted the fashion disaster. “Who dressed you this morning. Were they blind?” In punctuation to his bonded’s statement Casiloy blew a raspberry. “Yes. Yes. You are right Casiloy this simply will not do!” Slipping off his tutu, only to reveal another bright yellow one underneath, he handed the pink one to ‘Mr. Clean.’ Satisfied that the fashion disaster that was X’rx was taken care of he turned to blink at Cainith and gasped.

“Oh giiiiiiiiiiiirl. Just who put you in those pants?” Nooooooooooooooooo!

[Aftershock]

Er'ani burst into the room... quite literally, through a wall. After all, the door was off it's hinges, and his entrances MUST... BE... DRAMATIC!!! Chunks of stone flung outward from the Er'ani-shaped hole, killing 15 people. Dashing into the room, he accidentally knocked over a table, killing five more people. The only survivor of the group just killed came up to him, pulling back a fist to punch him in the face, when he simply lowered his gaze a centimeter and said, "Ooops, my bad." The man, hearing his words, suddenly smiled and patted Er'ani on the back, forgetting about the damage he had caused instantly and buying Er'ani a drink.

Strutting across the room, he gave every woman in it a glance and a smile, and they each collapsed into an orgasmic pile from getting a look from THE ER'ANI. Reaching C'loy, he laughed, and tore off the boy's tutu, flipping the cloth until it became a golden cape, which he placed around his shoulders. Two men from the crowd then ran up to him, grabbing the ends of the cape and flapping it for The Er'ani, so that he might look more dramatic.

Suddenly, he noticed Cainith eating his pile of food. Walking up to the giant man, he backhanded Cainith, knocking him to the ground where he curled up and cried, begging for forgiveness. "That's for punching me in the forest," The Er'ani cried, and the entire room applauded him. Striding to another table (slipping on a banana peel on the way, which flung across the room and decapitated a dragon, though no one cared), he ripped off the tablecloth, sending bowls and utensils flying, severely injuring the two women sitting at the table, and revealing X'rx underneath it. Laughing again, the two women crawled up to The Er'ani, and ignoring their mortal wounds, pawed over his body, tearing off his shirt and revealing his manly torso. The two women then began fighting over the shreds of his shirt as The Er'ani placed his hands on his hips and boomed with laughter, summoning a horde of golden firelizards to anoint his body with precious oils.

[Requiem]

SMITE PHANTOM! A disembodied voice! The sheer force of it knocked Cainith off his feet and he crashed into the nearby table, which bowed in the center, dozens of people on either side sliding toward the center as if they were on a sinking galleon, then it split with a tremendous crack and dumped the giant on the floor, where he left a crevice the size of a small city-state.

For long moments he was unable to arise, covered as he was in mountains of food and bodies, but then with a mighty heave he threw off hundreds of men and staggered to his feet. Rollhead shrilled, WITH MIGHTY FIST, PARTED SEA AND MOUNTAINS MOVED. ALL HAIL! But why should The Er'ani hail a mere goddess?

Only peripherally aware of the twain in tutus, Cainith coiled on the ground in despair of ever fitting in with these shard-blasted daylighters. He should slink into the night where certainly the giant golden-haired wherhandlers would wrestle him with their mighty harps and all would be well when he Impressed an entire clutch of whers to draw his chariot of Doom.

But Rollhead's fury was divine indeed, and it took Cainith over like some ravening beast, the man heaving his massive bulk up as he grew still larger, grasping two of the fleeing people before his head struck the high ceiling and balancing them on each hand. He then threw X'rx and C'loy at Er'ani as Zeus surely had once hurled his thunderbolts, eyes blazing red and something Other roiling beneath his skin as if trying to escape.

"YOU WILL BOW TO ME!" YOUR GODDESS COMMANDS YOU! "AND YOU WILL PRAISE ME AS THE FLAMES CONSUME YOU!" PRAISE THE ALMIGHTY! A great wall of flame descended on the dining hall then and incinerated everyone it touched, Er'ani bursting into a cloud of golden flower petals.

[Aftershock]

The golden flower petals that The Er'ani had fallen into swirled in the air, then slowly at first, but with increasing rapidity locked together to reform The Er'ani... starting, of course, with his most important asset... his crotch.

After The Er'ani was reformed, he placed one foot upon a fallen bowl that had escaped Cainith's divine flames, and placed his hands upon his hips, his golden cape flapping in a breeze that seemed to appear at his whim. Suddenly, a great golden light began emanating from The Er'ani's loins, growing in size and intensity as he posed. Soon, the glow from The Er'ani's holy genitals bathed the entire land in it's golden luminescence, and the ashes of fallen people began to take on the glow themselves, swirling up to reform into a legion of beautiful women.

Every person slain by Cainith's divine flames was reborn from The Er'ani's divine crotch-radiance into a woman of exceptional beauty, even those who had formerly been men. After all, it wouldn't do for The Er'ani to have his groin associated with another man. As each woman was raised from the ashes, they piled towards The Er'ani, some pawing at his flesh, others working to rebuild the Weyr around him, though this time making it a place worthy of having The Er'ani live there.

In mere moments, the entire Weyr had been rebuilt, though now each wall was adorned every two feet with a portrait of The Er'ani giving his greatest smile, or a picture of one of his many admirable body parts. The Er'ani himself stood, his pose unchanged, upon a great pile of writhing women, each orgasmically joyful at being in such close contact with The Er'ani.