V'per of Blue Skeleth

[zariss]

Deceased: Died in Selenitas Earthquake Plot

Name: V'per

Age: 22

Gender: Male

Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual

Rank: Blue Rider

Physical Appearance: Height: 6'
Weight: 173lbs
Build: Rather muscular as he works out most of the time when he's not doing drills with his Wing.
Skin: Almost constantly tan from his many trips to the Southern Continent to exercise. He tends to make more trips during the Winter Months to try and escape the cold. His skin is naturally rather pale however.
Hair: Black and straight, coming down just above his eyes when it isn't slicked back with oil.
Eyes: Golden-ish Amber
Overall, his looks, the way he moves when he walks or flies, and even the way he speaks, are rather snake-like.

Personality: While he normally likes to keep to himself while he exercises, runs drills with his Wing, and searches the nearby hills and mountains for any remnants of his parents, he deep down inside longs for companionship. To feel the gentle caress of a loving woman, to wake up each morning with that same love, but he is truly afraid to open up to anyone or get involved into any sort of a relationship for the fear of losing them as he did his parents when he was just a child. This fear also transfers over to his dragon, and thusly his Blue has not risen to give chase to any Greens so far. Regardless of his solitude, he treats everyone he meets with kindness and respect, and one would find that, if they ever were to get close enough to him, that he is a caring and loving individual who has only suffered more pain than any one person should.

History: Viper, or V'per as he is known now, was born into a rather poor family who had taken refuge at Secret Hold after his parents were driven away from their original Hold, literally, by the Lord Holder and the soldiers of the Hold, due to their beliefs that tithing to the Weyr's should continue, even though Thread had not fallen in such a long time. While they wandered, his parents were picked up by a passing group of travelers who allowed them to stay with them as long as they pitched in with hunting for food and other such things, until they wound up at Secret Hold, his mother five months pregnant.
Four months later he was born, his parents giving him the name Viper due to his snake-like looks. After that he spent fourteen Turns growing up with the other underprivlidged children of the Hold, getting into adventures, sneaking off to hunt for Flits, as well as playing games. However not everything was good and fun for him, since whenever any of the kids got into big trouble; getting caught somewhere they shouldn't have been, swiping food, and other such things, they all blamed it on him. That the food was for him, or that he told them to go into those caves and what not and, because he looked so different from the other kids, he was scolded and punished on a daily basis.
Shortly after he turned fifteen, he was found by a Green Rider on Search and was whisked away from his poor life in the Hold to stand upon the hot sands of the Hatching Grounds, where he succeeded in Impressing Blue Skeleth. He easily and quickly caught on to all the techniques of flying in a Wing, teaching Skeleth to chew Firestone, and overall care of his dragon. As soon as he learned to go between he decided to take a trip back home to see his parents.
Unfortunately when he did finally go between back to Secret Hold, he found that his parents had completely vanished, leaving behind not a trace of where they had gone, why they had left, or how they left, and no one in the Hold knew where they had gone either. Ever since that day he spent as much time as he could making himself stronger as both a person and as a Rider, causing himself to become much more distanced from those around him.


Name: Skeleth
Color: Blue
Age: 7
Physical Appearance: He wears a gold collar around the middle of his neck as well as two gold rings, one on each wing, around the middle "finger" of the wings, which V'per had crafted by a Smith. He is a darker blue than most other Blues, and around the average size for a Blue Dragon.

Personality: While his Rider may be rather introverted, Skeleth is quite the opposite. He usually attempts to strike up conversations with any dragons he comes across and with any Rider he meets. Skeleth has the uncanny ability to speak to any Rider that he comes into physical contact with, but only with other Riders. For some reason he cannot speak to anyone but Riders, perhaps this has to do with the bond that is made between Rider and dragon during Impression, but neither him nor V'per can explain it. During the times V'per exercises, Skeleth tends to spend that time sunning his dark blue hide, swimming in the warm Souther Oceans, and playfully chasing after Flits.

[Administrator]

Hai~

All right, I saw Randeh already told you this, but I'll re-enforce it. ^^; Pending characters aren't put in the sub-forums. I move them there when I approve them.

Also, can you please format this to fit my character profile? I'll read it as soon as you do so. Thanks~ ^^

[Administrator]

All right, this profile could use a bit of work.

In his appearance, could you make this more... descriptiony? As in, actual give some structure to the format you have. Feel free to read other character appearances to see how I'd like them. This adds a lot more flow to a character rather than plain facts. Also, I'm confused by what you mean when you say "his many trips to the Southern Continent." Selenitas is in the Southern Continent... >>

For the history, I'm suspecting you haven't thoroughly read through our history. I need details like which continent he's originally from, if he's a transfer or Impressed at Selenitas, what his stand on the war is, etc. And major holds must be already existing ones-- the canon ones from the North and the ones that are in the South. The ones in the South are listed in the boards, among other places. So I think "Secret Hold" would have to be out. And holds don't typically have soldiers, either. Dragonriders fight, but not really the holders. Also, he probably wouldn't have all the time in the world to search for his parents. Even at Selenitas, they are kept constantly busy with drills, etc. And, just as a quick snippet, there are no vipers on Pern. It's all tunnelsnakes. So, I think what's best is to read the history and give it a makeover. :3

For the dragon... There are two reasons why I am against the gold. One, it's impractical for riding. It would only weigh him down in Threadfall. Two, he's got a really small salary as a bluerider and probably wouldn't afford it, especially considering he's so young. As for the personality, the odd ability to talk to anyone actually isn't so odd. A dragon can always talk to whoever they want to talk to, but usually choose to not do so because they're picky.

Also, another thing that is great to learn about it grammar. I've noticed a lot of fragments and random capitalizations of words. So reread it, make sure everything makes sense. I'm usually not too picky, but when there's enough of it, I do feel like it should be mentioned.

So, in general, try staying a little bit more true to Pern and my storyline. That will automatically make things a lot better.

[Requiem]

Little two cents from the Poohbear.

I cannot picture your character at all. Snake-like? How so? The mental image I have is of a limbless man with a jaw that unhinges. Oh, and he likes mice.

Seriously, yes, I'm being a bit facetious, but do you see my point? It's rather unclear. Instead of saying he's snakelike, why don't you describe your character's snakelike traits? Then you won't have to worry about weird Reqqy and her mental images xP.