Post by reqqy on Aug 23, 2008 1:08:26 GMT -5
He wasn't a blinding idiot. Raila's previous actions made it more than obvious that she hated him...although he could honestly say that suited him just fine, so long as she didn't go out of her way to find and hate on him when she was bored or something. Even if he'd briefly entertained the notion that any of her actions or words towards him where genuine, the fact that she ignored him completely and responded only to Zolten instead made it clear enough that such wasn't the case. He almost felt sorry for the other boy. The only thing worse than having to endure Raila was having to endure Raila's interest he was sure. At least it made it even less likely that she'd cling to him, though. Selfish? Certainly. But he wasn't a masochist.
"Yes," Mutasim echoed quietly, agreeing to Zolten's thanks. It was...good?...she wasn't extremely upset. But, as Meira said, she really had no idea what was about to hobble into her classroom. By the looks of it, he wasn't going to be doing a ton of moving around for awhile. Well, Savitri had told him as much, but the boy knew that if he reasonably could without dosing himself up on a ton of fellis or slathering so much numbweed on his foot he barely knew anything was attached to his ankle, he'd be moving on it. He was a naturally restless sort of person. Great. Yes, another little testing step, and he was back to keeping it well clear of the ground. Shell-blasted thing.
Kemma's expression made it abundantly clear that it was much different than she'd expected. He couldn't quite resist a little grin - albeit a mirthless one. Mutasim never did anything small, did he? Another thought flitted through his head. How bad did he look? He'd put on a clean shirt, and no, he hadn't gotten a look at his forehead, but the rest didn't seem shock-worthy, at least as far as he could tell. People had to break feet or ankles on a regular basis, and he knew the wound on his forearm wasn't very noticeable unless you got close. It was about as shallow and superficial as you could hope without being something you could completely ignore and not even clean properly.
His expression was carefully neutral as she spoke to him. Clearly imperfect...Well, shards, his body was obviously not perfect anyway. Though he knew what she meant, her phrasing wasn't very welcome. Besides, did she think that he'd be hobbling permanently? That was the whole point of setting the bones in the first place. Now, he might have been able to walk today if Savitri hadn't rearranged his foot, but it wouldn't have healed right. And the rest of this wasn't even worth mentioning. Mutasim wanted to comment on the fact that he had broken this foot before and he'd recovered just fine, but that was kind of negated by the fact that it had broken again, wasn't it?
Instead, he settled for a nod. Whatever. If he was still this way at the next Hatching, it would only be fitting. A broken body and a broken mind. He blinked at the thought, surprised at how openly he'd just admitted it in his own head - and how little it actually distressed him.
Kemma's topic of discussion, however, did more than just a little distress him. He could feel his mind gearing up, shifting and throwing up walls. Mutasim had experienced...panic attacks upon occasion, when he first came to Selenitas, though most of those were, fortunately, in private. It wasn't that the idea of sex scared him, although it would be a lie to say it didn't. The young man was fairly sure he wouldn't be on the receiving end, if only because it would likely be fatal to the other person involved if he was, but he saw it as something...other than intimate. More like a way of dominating someone else, and he didn't want to participate in something like that. Making someone else go through...eh, he just didn't like the topic of conversation. His mind had already erected barriers against any memories that might stir up unexpectedly.
The candidatemaster was definitely leaving something out, though. Even as he took Zolten's proferred hand, eyeing Mellith uncertainly - she did not look at all happy - Mutasim questioned, "And what of the boys who Impress greens? Or, as you say, might end up as an outlet for some rider's flightlust? Is it just not as important for males to be prepared?" He almost sneered on that last question, though he'd managed to sound mostly genial up to that point. Mutasim was no virgin in that sense, and the first time - shards. He knew just what it shouldn't be like, at least according to these people who seemed to think sex was anything but an animal display of dominance. It was easier to think of it in these terms than to let his mind dwell on other aspects of this talk and what they reminded him of. Easier to subtly challenge Kemma. Wouldn't have to think about it, this way.
"Yes," Mutasim echoed quietly, agreeing to Zolten's thanks. It was...good?...she wasn't extremely upset. But, as Meira said, she really had no idea what was about to hobble into her classroom. By the looks of it, he wasn't going to be doing a ton of moving around for awhile. Well, Savitri had told him as much, but the boy knew that if he reasonably could without dosing himself up on a ton of fellis or slathering so much numbweed on his foot he barely knew anything was attached to his ankle, he'd be moving on it. He was a naturally restless sort of person. Great. Yes, another little testing step, and he was back to keeping it well clear of the ground. Shell-blasted thing.
Kemma's expression made it abundantly clear that it was much different than she'd expected. He couldn't quite resist a little grin - albeit a mirthless one. Mutasim never did anything small, did he? Another thought flitted through his head. How bad did he look? He'd put on a clean shirt, and no, he hadn't gotten a look at his forehead, but the rest didn't seem shock-worthy, at least as far as he could tell. People had to break feet or ankles on a regular basis, and he knew the wound on his forearm wasn't very noticeable unless you got close. It was about as shallow and superficial as you could hope without being something you could completely ignore and not even clean properly.
His expression was carefully neutral as she spoke to him. Clearly imperfect...Well, shards, his body was obviously not perfect anyway. Though he knew what she meant, her phrasing wasn't very welcome. Besides, did she think that he'd be hobbling permanently? That was the whole point of setting the bones in the first place. Now, he might have been able to walk today if Savitri hadn't rearranged his foot, but it wouldn't have healed right. And the rest of this wasn't even worth mentioning. Mutasim wanted to comment on the fact that he had broken this foot before and he'd recovered just fine, but that was kind of negated by the fact that it had broken again, wasn't it?
Instead, he settled for a nod. Whatever. If he was still this way at the next Hatching, it would only be fitting. A broken body and a broken mind. He blinked at the thought, surprised at how openly he'd just admitted it in his own head - and how little it actually distressed him.
Kemma's topic of discussion, however, did more than just a little distress him. He could feel his mind gearing up, shifting and throwing up walls. Mutasim had experienced...panic attacks upon occasion, when he first came to Selenitas, though most of those were, fortunately, in private. It wasn't that the idea of sex scared him, although it would be a lie to say it didn't. The young man was fairly sure he wouldn't be on the receiving end, if only because it would likely be fatal to the other person involved if he was, but he saw it as something...other than intimate. More like a way of dominating someone else, and he didn't want to participate in something like that. Making someone else go through...eh, he just didn't like the topic of conversation. His mind had already erected barriers against any memories that might stir up unexpectedly.
The candidatemaster was definitely leaving something out, though. Even as he took Zolten's proferred hand, eyeing Mellith uncertainly - she did not look at all happy - Mutasim questioned, "And what of the boys who Impress greens? Or, as you say, might end up as an outlet for some rider's flightlust? Is it just not as important for males to be prepared?" He almost sneered on that last question, though he'd managed to sound mostly genial up to that point. Mutasim was no virgin in that sense, and the first time - shards. He knew just what it shouldn't be like, at least according to these people who seemed to think sex was anything but an animal display of dominance. It was easier to think of it in these terms than to let his mind dwell on other aspects of this talk and what they reminded him of. Easier to subtly challenge Kemma. Wouldn't have to think about it, this way.