when will the blood begin to burn (ellie's flight)

[Requiem]

Lil'ol'! Cue tiny blue salamandyr tackle. He leapt into R'wign, clinging to the healer's chest and attempting to nuzzle him through his shirt. Bigshiny's favorite otherbigshiny's medium shiny. He bounced once, then zipped down, underneath the brownrider's shirt, and tickled his way up to pause in the healer's armpit, where he licked at R'wign enthusiastically. Lil'ol', Good medium shiny.

"Come out of there before he accidentally squishes you," M'ta grumped at the blue. PMS skittered over R'wign's shoulder and poked his head out from beneath the man's collar. Lil'ol'? "Yes. That's better." By this point he'd walked out far enough onto the bridge to be just a few paces from the other brownrider, one brow risen nearly to his hairline. "Something like that. What are you doing out here? Come on." He pulled a hand out of his pocket, reaching down to grasp R'wign's wrist before tugging lightly. "That's not a short fall. There are better places to sit and...whatever it is you're doing."

Still a bit foul-tempered? Definitely. M'ta's brooding had gotten worse with each passing day for nearly a sevenday now.

[glamourie]

The edges of her wings were starting to burn, but that wasn’t enough. It would take more than that to make her slow down and stop – Ellie was not about to just give up because of a little pain. No, no, no. Tinges of yellow bled into her eyes, but she pushed forward faster, launching into a full, steady spin as though she were a golden torpedo flying faster ahead. The only sound her chasers (all this time, not just the browns) received from her was another bugle of challenge: if they hoped to impress her, they would have to be able to keep up… and that did mean all of them. She turned her head back to look, almost apologetically (even in her heightened state, Ellie was aware of Imp’s inferior flying ability) to the bronze salamandyr. She knew very well that she was fixing to leave him in her dust – unless he got creative – but she couldn’t stop. The burn in her wings told her to fly higher – higher and faster than even before. If she was going to outfly the males, she had to set a record for highest firelizard flight ever, and she sought not just the open air, but the clouds above. She wanted to get lost in the shades of red, orange and yellow burning away into the night.

At a sharp angle, Ellie jolted herself upward, ascending rapidly through the sky. It didn’t take long for the tithe paths and the rocky surface of the top of the weyr to become little more than a blur beneath her. The higher she flew, the harder the winds became, and it was difficult for her to push herself forward – up, up and away. If the pretty browns were able to follow her so high up, she would be impressed; she didn’t expect them to be able to. She also was hoping, though, to leave her bronze chasers behind. Yes, that was her goal: leave them all in her dust. The winds were harsh, yes, even she had some trouble beating through them and a wind gust carried her outstretched wings to propel her further toward her ultimate goal: up into the air and the ocean. She wanted the freedom that came with the sea, but it was far away and she wasn’t sure that her wings could carry her quite that far. If only the wind would help…

… at least she had the clouds to disguise her. Her head turned to look back, but through the wisps she could see nothing. It was impossible for her to deduce how many had chased her into the clouds, but that was okay – she’d find out soon enough if any were brave enough. Dancing through the air on the wind, Ellie dove in and out of the clouds nearest to the ground. The higher ones were too dangerous for a creature as small as she was, but these were playful and moving with the gusts (still steadily moving further and further from the Weyr) made flying easier; it bought her time as she thought of more ways to escape the males following. She didn’t want to be caught. Not then, not ever. And she didn’t want to pick any of them – if they’d even had the courage to follow her in the first place. Her wings hurt…

The chanting of P.M.S. brought a smile to R’wign’s face and he turned to look down toward his armpit where the salamandyr was. His head tilted and he looked more closely as the blue peeked out of his collar before lifting one finger to stroke down the salamandyr’s back. It was a very gentle, almost teasing touch, just between the wings before his hands dropped away. His head tilted back as M’ta spoke and a thousand conflicting thoughts ran through his mind. All at once, P.M.S.’s appearance was completely ignored as he went through his options mentally and assessed the conflicting feelings. First: he wanted very badly to drag M’ta down onto the bridge and tear his clothes off. A lot of that was spawned by Ellie. She’d always affected him strongly, and ever since he lost Collision and Accident, it was even worse. Second: M’ta was his friend. If he wasn’t, he probably would have no hesitation acting on that very urge. It begged the question of whether or not it was worth it: would he have even considered doing so if not spurred on by Ellie and more importantly, would he regret it and behave weirdly around M’ta later if he acted on impulse?

His mind went back to his turnday. He’d been genuinely upset that the gift wasn’t because he was… special. He’d thought at the time how stupid he was being and yes, he’d been angry with himself, but thinking about it clearly, was he wrong? M’ta was his friend, yes, but M’ta’d admitted to liking him. His worries were predominantly because M’ta was male – was that a fair reason not to consider giving him a chance? If he was female would there even be any hesitation? He didn’t know – but probably not. M’ta didn’t intimidate him the way that Kaegan did, for instance. In fact, he felt very, very comfortable with M’ta. He felt safe with him; that was not something he’d ever cared about before, but the siege changed his feelings. Safety mattered. If the only problem was that he was male, was it fair then…? It didn’t seem fair; M’ta was obviously more capable of dealing with his erratic impulses and workaholic tendencies than most females were and he wasn’t in a hurry to be pushed away. So – fact: he’d been upset at the idea of not being special, and the only problem he had with trying to give being with M’ta a chance was that he was male.

Well, why did that matter? Because it was wrong? He’d never much cared about K’lir and his escapades, he hadn’t felt like Checkoth catching Oquith was wrong – why was it okay then and not other times? Why, why, why?

It wasn’t wrong. He was obviously not too adverse to the idea, if he was even considering it, and he was confident that he wouldn’t just change his mind later. He was still rational enough, after all, to think about the different ways his feelings could go. That told him that it wasn’t just Ellie’s flight talking. Part of him was incredibly nervous though: it’d been nearly three months since he told M’ta that he’d have to think (he really did) – what if M’ta was angry with him for taking too long in trying to process? Could he handle being rejected? It would probably crush him, considering how much courage it would take to act on something he wasn’t entirely sure of. At the same time, if he never did, what would happen then? He wasn’t a coward; in fact, R’wign was far from. He chewed his bottom lip for a moment and made his choice.

Curling his legs underneath himself, the healer turned and rested his weight on his knees before tugging his wrist free. His hands both came to rest on M’ta’s waist before he tilted his head up. “I was watching the water,” he said seriously as he tugged M’ta closer. “And thinking… maybe you can help me; which is more important, being erotic or practical? Because it’s more practical to start tugging your pants off with my hands, but I’m thinking the teeth would be more enjoyable all around.” He rested his chin against the waistband of M’ta’s pants, still sitting on his knees, and tilted his head up to look up at the other brownrider; he could just feel his heartbeat thudding behind his ears. It was hard to imagine any time he’d ever been so nervous. Funny how life worked – M’ta was usually the person that he was most comfortable with on Pern. “Of course, we could always discuss this at our weyr, but it’s a bit of a walk…”

[Kisha-Ra]

The dimming landscape streaked by at such a pace that even if she’d been inclined toward looking at it Darya probably wouldn’t notice it, if she had she’d certainly have veered away from the cliff edge that Imp, through their bond, seemed so determined to take her body along, possibly in a reflection of his climbing the cliff face in pursuit of Elegance.

Imp flapped, landed, sprinted and threw himself into the sky yet again, though his wings were burning now, and, truth be told, his legs weren’t doing all that much better after his long climb. His gold went higher, further and faster than even before, as befitted such a queen naturally. But Imp was having more than a little trouble keeping up now. And some new bronze had cut in front of him. How rude! How rude in very deed!

Lao was more than a little confused as to why he felt such a strong urge to follow the gold firelizard. A green like him should stay away from gold Flights, if she thought he was trying to steal her bronzes she might eat him. On the other hand it wasn’t like he was trying to steal them was it? No he just wanted, what did he want? Oh yes he wanted to know how she Flew, so he could copy it once he managed to get all glowy, he was bound to sooner or later. She must be very good at Flying because she had so many following her; there was even a little frilly back there. Maybe she wouldn’t mind if he stole just one? She could pick hers out first…

Lao followed his neatly rationalised compulsion to pursue the gold, soaring up into the clouds after her, it was a long way up but if that was how it was done he’d better practice, of course he’d easily be able to leave the gold and all her males behind if he wanted, greens were faster after all, but that wasn’t the point, besides it would be rude to outstrip a gold in her own Flight when he was hoping to get some inspiration from her. There was plenty of time for that in Lao’s own Flight.

Thud! Darya lay facedown for the second time in a few minutes, this time she’d ended up on the bridge, where Imp’s instincts would inevitably bring her, but she felt no urge to get up and seek out R’wign, well no overriding urge anyway. In fact for a few moments all she did was lie on the bridge, tremble, and wheeze as the effect sprinting all around the damn Weyr (at least if felt like it) caught up with her.

Then, as the sense of certain voices she’d been hearing reached her brain Darya made a conscious effort to breathe more quietly and evenly. In the silences of her mind she cursed everything. Ellie, for flying so well, Imp, for dropping out, R’wign, for finding someone else, and whoever R’wign was seducing, just for existing. It wasn’t that she wanted R’wign particularly, it was just that she’d missed an opportunity to corner him and at least severely embarrass him even if he refused to be used for sex on the basis that he was half her age.

Severely put out with the world Darya flopped onto her back, well she’d just lie here for a bit, shame she had no paper, and nothing to draw with, and no art skills whatsoever.

[Requiem]

R'wign was taking an inordinately long time to react, which had M'ta's lips pressing together in muted annoyance. He didn't want to be here. M'ta didn't like flights or runs as a general rule. No, this one wasn't likely to present too many problems, but he still didn't like them, and he didn't like R'wign on the bridge. The healer was acting strangely. Queer behavior and heights didn't go well together.

Ah, good. He was getting up. If R'wign wanted to sit to the side of the bridge, that was fine with him, but he didn't li- The thoughts in his head came to an abrupt stop as hands found his hips and drew him forward. He stumbled, catching himself on R'wign's shoulders, his startled expression holding no small amount of questioning as he looked down at the healer. Perhaps 'strange' was too mild a term.

The healer's words struck him out of the blue. It had been three months, and he'd long since figured he'd never hear anything like that from R'wign. In fact, it was entirely like the healer not to tell him a thing, just let things lie. Because the other brownrider seemed more comfortable avoiding conflict and uncomfortable situations - for him, of course, not really for other people - altogether. Silence likely meant he'd dismissed the idea, but didn't want a scene. Thus M'ta was caught completely off-guard, a chill running through him.

He shook his head before he knew what he was doing, his fingers digging into R'wign's shoulders almost convulsively. It would be all too easy to just take it at face value, but the truth was the truth. Silence for three months. Then Ellie's flight. Nor had the healer expressed anything at all other than a desire to...Yes, they were friends, but that didn't mean the other felt anything else, and M'ta couldn't allow himself to be swept up only to find he was simply convenient. Couldn't handle that.

His grip loosened. "That's Ellie talking," he murmured. "Please, find someone else to take care of your urges." His voice was strained. He could have backed up, should have...but he didn't. How he wanted to. And the positioning of R'wign's head probably made that more than clear to the healer, too. But he couldn't go back to just being a friend afterwards...that was an emotional ride he wasn't getting on.

[kysseh]

The bronze salamandyr was falling far behind, but Ego could not bring himself to care. It was less competition to be sure, but that competition had been inadequate to start with. This lovely elegant queen was queen of the skies as well as of the trees, and only the skies were fit for her flight. It was for the squirmy queen-imitators to Fly on the ground. Proper queens flew like this one did, and he crooned in obvious appreciation of the view she presented, of her grace and skill. He flew hard after her, his muscles beginning to protest the steepness of the ascent and the speed at which it was executed. He was not tired, though. Oh, no, never. The bronze was sure he could fly and fly for forever and never become tired in his pursuit of her glorious self.

Still, he felt the burn, despite the fact that he was still maintaining a healthy distance from Elegance in an effort to keep from crowding her. Keeping up still required a healthy dose of energy to prevent himself from falling too far behind. The increasing altitude was making it quite difficult to keep on a steady course, though. The winds were kiting him around mercilessly, and he had to fight to stay in pursuit. It drained more of his energy than he wanted, but Ego still found enough energy to croon at the queen. He was horrified at the thought that he might lose her because of the shardblasting winds. No, no, he couldn’t lose her!

The ground was falling away so quickly beneath them, and now they were into the clouds. The bronze crooned in appreciation and relief as their flight path took on a more level bearing, his wings flaring out as he soared on the winds amongst the clouds. Where was she? Where had she hidden amongst the clouds? He let himself soar for a moment, drifting up and down out of the cloud wisps in an attempt to get a glimpse of her. For a brief moment, he simply continued along their previous path, wishing and hoping and searching for a glimpse of her beautiful gold self. Where was she?!

There!

He caught sight of her ahead of him and was quickly in hot pursuit, allowing himself to pull off slightly to the side of her. He was still far behind her, but he decided to take advantage of one of the wind gusts. The bronze soared, arching his neck to maximize the view she could get of his gorgeous self in her peripheral vision. The water droplets from the clouds were clinging to his hide and adding a bit of extra sparkle. Never could it be said that Ego was not a vain creature. He did so enjoy being admired, though he was not about to sacrifice his place in the pursuit for too much preening. She could see him, right? He was going as quickly as he could whilst still painting a pretty picture of himself, but he certainly could not go on like this forever. His wings were burning a bit, but he tried to ignore that, following along the wind gusts away from the weyr. Oh, but he wanted to properly worship this queen…

[archenstone]

Arcturius worked the thermals, spreading his wings wide to take advantage of every once of wing to propel him higher. He knew that if he tried to reach her through sheer force of wing that not only would he be fighting the air... he would wear himself out too much to continue after. So he used thermals to shoot him up higher. He still had to pump his wings hard to follow after her. A burning sensation had begun to crawl its way around his shoulders. He knew the only advantage he had against the others chasing was his late start....not to mention his love of precision flight. Her bugled challenge only encouraged him to keep working...keep pumping his wings...keep breathing.

They were heading away from the Weyr...was that the faint glimmer of sea in the far distance? His wings touched the lowest cloud and he felt a thrill of achievement. He couldn't recall being this high up before. His Queen was worth all the effort though. Where was she? His eyes whirled faster as he momentarily panicked. A flicker of gold. Ah! Look at her playing amongst the clouds. He followed, relieved they had leveled off for the moment.

Raziel was struggling. Up and up and up he went. Winds knocked him around. His large wings didn't seem to help as he tried to rise upward. He became frustrated as the bronze moved ahead of him. Higher and higher, he wanted to be closest to his Queen! He heard her challenge and grimly tried to move forward and up. He always worked hard for what he wanted. Today was no difference. Ah, but his muscles burned with fatigue. He found a favorable wind current and let it carry him in her direction. He wasn't as high as the clouds but....surely he could make it up there right? He was determined to try in a minute.

Kalina made her way out the bridge, seeing the crowd that had already gathered. She recognized M'ta and grinned....only to pause. She had heard something about M'ta and R'wign...especially with them being Weyr mates....but to see R'wign on his knees before M'ta in a vunerable...and erotic position made her realize it for fact. Yet she had always pinned M'ta as favoring women over men....though he really didn't flirt with anyone. She realized she had been deluding herself. She was never around him anyways. She figured her liking was simply a passing fancy....something that was there before Uminth's flight that she had grown out of. She even told herself she thought of him only as a comrade....even when ordering twobouquets of flowers at Gather to deliver to his Weyr. The flight....the flight must be affecting my judgement. She blinked, trying to clear her head as the emotions of bothmales tugged on her mind, urging her to remain here. For a brief moment she missed T'san. After all he was the only man she had been intimate with....even if it was only flight lust.

[glamourie]

Beat, beat, beat. Faster, higher, faster. Her eyes surged hints of red and Ellie powered forward, beating her wings as fast as she could. The burn was steadily growing worse and in response, rather than slowing down, she took to spinning like a torpedo through the air, faster and harder than before. It hurt, yes, but hurting was okay. Her spinning gave her a view of the chasers who remained and she ticked off in her mind each one. Her salamandyr was gone, but he was replaced by a young bronze that she didn’t recognize. The two bronze firelizards who had followed her from the start were still there and recognized, but not given any kind of praise – no praise did they deserve, though it was bold of them to follow her into the air, follow her into the open freedom of the sky. The only praise they got was a look; if they’d followed her this far, they didn’t need her encouragement to keep them going and Ellie wasn’t going to offer it. Not this late in the game. It might seem like favoritism. She noted the browns still present, but while Ellie appreciated them, they were in her mind discarded: they’d been late. If they arrived immediately, she’d have favored them from the start, but they hadn’t, and part of her was offended that her favored color chasers chose to wait until she was already flying to join in her chase. The thought made her angry.

Wriggling through the air, Ellie dipped and turned. She was not going to choose any of them, but the browns, even if they were handsome, weren’t getting a second look. They should have followed her much sooner. Much, much sooner.

R’wign cocked his head to the side and rested his chin against the waistband of M’ta’s pants, his hands remaining around the brownrider’s waist. His eye narrowed slightly, but he noted (curiously) that despite M’ta’s protest, he didn’t move away. Part of him was agitated by the words, and it showed on his face before he rose gracefully to his feet. His nails moved with him, raking up M’ta’s sides over his shirt. The touch was meant to be teasing; he wasn’t unobservant and he knew very well that the verbal protest wasn’t mirrored by all of M’ta… it was kind of obvious. He brushed his nose against M’ta’s before he leaned over to whisper directly in the other brownrider’s ear – his body pressed up close with the movement. He could be quite a jerk when he wanted to be – and part of him, yes, part, was offended that M’ta thought so little of him.

“Was it Ellie talking when I got upset that you made this for me just because we’re friends?” he asked as one hand came up to tug at the pendant; he pushed it against M’ta’s chest to emphasize what he meant, as showing it would mean moving away, something he was unwilling to do. “Was it Ellie talking when I started practicing throwing more often because I didn’t want to disappoint you; because I wanted so badly for you to be proud of me? Was it Ellie talking when I got upset that right after you woke up from being sick, you asked about Meira, not me? I don’t think it was Ellie talking any of those times, any more than it is now. Last I checked, Ellie was a firelizard… they don’t talk.” His lips brushed over the side of M’ta’s ear and he whispered even more quietly – as though someone could overhear, “Even Ellie couldn’t make me do something that I don’t already want to do… but if you don’t want this, all you have to do is tell me no. I won’t be offended.”

Actually, he probably would. He didn’t intend to tell M’ta that, but R’wign didn’t handle rejection well and he wasn’t sure he could take being rejected when he was so out of his element. He already was embarrassed enough as it was.

And was that Kalina? R’wign lifted his eyes to look over M’ta’s shoulder and raised an eyebrow before a hint of agitation passed over his face. It was a very good thing that M’ta couldn’t see him. Part of his response was Ellie’s – why had her browns been late? Ellie favored browns so much but they hadn’t come from the beginning, that wasn’t good – but most of it was R’wign’s. He remembered very well that Kalina had been a frequent visitor when M’ta was sick. She’d brought him flowers numerous times, and at the time he’d thought it funny. In retrospect, he half-wanted to growl at her; that was spawned by Ellie, he knew, but it didn’t change that he was definitely jealous… and feeling ridiculously possessive. His M’ta. Or… at least… he hoped… he wasn’t even sure. It was entirely possible that M’ta would reject him. The thought made his pulse race faster, but…

“Your fanclub has arrived. Should I go?” There was a definite thread of defensiveness in his voice; surely M’ta wouldn’t want anything to do with him if he had alternative options. He’d immediately disregarded him as just acting on feelings wrought by Ellie, so he probably didn’t want anything to happen – stupid, stupid. He was angry with himself again. R’wign curled back instinctively and shook his head, deliberately hiding behind his hair. Recoiling back inside was safer than taking risks. (Darya was on the other side of the bridge, so R’wign did not notice her – or he probably would not have backed up in that direction.)

Spurred on in part by R’wign’s agitation, Ellie turned and vaulted out of the clouds. She turned on her wing and spiraled back against the wind, her speed quickly sheared by the pressure. She flew back toward the Weyr, against all of her desires, because she knew – Hers was upset, Hers needed her. She beat her wings, trying to ignore the burning when –

Her wings gave out entirely. Shrieking in surprise, the gold firelizard went tumbling toward the ground at a rapid descent, spiraling in the process. Her flight was obviously over, for she could carry herself no further – but she hadn’t picked a winner. It would obviously be up to whatever bronze had speed and strength enough to catch her. Certainly no brown could hope to stop the rapid fall Ellie had spiraled into; they simply wouldn’t have the strength. If none were fast enough, she would make a very lovely golden splatter on the ground somewhere below them…


[ This is called, whoever replies first with their bronze catching Ellie gets her. So uh, have fun kiddies. ]

[Requiem]

His hands fell away as R'wign moved, though not quickly enough to prevent the healer from pressing full against him. Again, M'ta could have easily backed up, put distance between them. There wasn't even the excuse that R'wign was holding onto him anymore. But he didn't. Because he still wanted and, foreign though that feeling was, it wasn't something he could easily ignore. Hope was such a ridiculously evil thing. He didn't want it to be true, wanted R'wign's interest - but not if it wasn't real. If it was Ellie...

He shivered, head dipping slightly. It was strange to fight these impulses he never had. Like clinging to R'wign, even if it was just Ellie and he'd only be able to delude himself for a short time. Like kissing the man...and maybe this time getting a response other than stiff surprise and what was probably revulsion. Instead he stood, hands fisting, unable to look his weyrmate in the eyes. R'wign's words were no less shocking now than before, if for different reasons. "What?" Not a question that required an answer.

Just a gift from a friend? Well, yes, it was a gift from a friend because that's what they were at the time, and the 'just' wasn't entirely fair. That 'just' had taken him a good month to get to his satisfaction, much longer than he'd spent on anything else. And why would R'wign feel the need to make M'ta proud? He just wanted to know that if the healer got into trouble, he wouldn't be helpless. The comment about Meira was the one that had elicited the question, however. (For one, M'ta didn't really remember much of anything in regards to the first day after his fever truly broke anyway.) But that had been...a good while back. Before M'ta had noticed his feelings, and long before he'd made those known to R'wign.

His eyes closed at the touch of R'wign's lips, his heart galloping as his mind struggled to process everything past the rising desire he hadn't felt...ever. He glanced up, but the brownrider's attention was elsewhere. M'ta frowned, glancing back to see what had the healer's attention. Kalina? His frown was one of confusion. He was entirely unaware of her visits, or that she had been the one to send the flowers that he'd left in the hall after his encounter with R'ahre. She was part of his weyrling class, and Behruth liked Uminth. Neither were particularly significant factors...at least not enough to explain R'wign's seemingly keen interest in her.

Glancing back at the healer, his frown deepened. "Fanclub?" But then R'wign was moving back. He knew he wasn't processing everything, that just reacting without thinking wasn't that intelligent, but he also trusted his feelings. They usually fit the situation, even if he didn't know the situation fully until later. And right now he only knew that happiness was warring with dismay at the brownrider's withdrawal. He caught R'wign's arm before the healer could retreat further, his hand snaking up, brushing over the curve of the taller man's cheek and pushing aside the hair in the process before sliding around to the back of his neck. He tugged down on R'wign, having to go up on tiptoe, but he managed the kiss somehow. A possessive one half-spurred by desperation. Something told him just letting R'wign go would close the door on this...whatever this was.

The hand still clutching at the healer's arm shifted to encircle his waist, M'ta restoring the closeness of a moment before. He broke off the kiss, looking up. "Of course I want you. I just...want you. I didn't know any of that. It's been months. I'm sorry. Don't go."

[Kisha-Ra]

Spinning? Was he supposed to do things like that, or should he just leave it for his own Flight? Lao essayed a small barrel roll to see if it was going to anger the gold but she didn’t seem to notice. Well good. He didn’t want the big scary gold to notice him, but the bronzes, or maybe even those browns, they could notice him. Lao twirled and fluted, forgetting his resolution to let Ellie pick first, wasn’t he the prettiest of greens? If they were bored of this gold maybe they could come and chase him?

The young bronze dipped, weaved and turned after the gold, memorising every movement, that was how it was done, interesting… She was dropping, moving with determination, fighting the winds, what was over there? Lao drifted out of the clouds, looking down at the gold. She was falling? That wasn’t right!

Lao folded his great wings in tightly to his body and dived after her, he wouldn’t, he couldn’t, let her fall. He’d just stop her falling so she could carry on with her Flight, she wouldn’t be angry with him about that, right? He twisted with her, trying to get a grip on the gold to slow her fall, instinct locked talon to talon, wound tail with tail. As soon as he had a good grip Lao rolled, ending the spiral, and opened his wings, putting the two of them on a horizontal course. He chirped and crooned apologetically. There. She could continue her Flight now. Lao was sorry, didn’t mean to ruin it for her, please don’t be mad?

[glamourie]

The comment about Meira, while true, was actually more of an afterthought; he was extremely jealous and hurt. At the time he’d attributed it to just his insecurity – maybe it still was. What it meant to him, though, was that he did care what M’ta thought and for a split second, yes, he was hurt that it appeared as though M’ta cared more about Meira than him. R’wign knew very well how petty that was: Meira was important to him, too, after all. At the time, though, he was hurt, more hurt than he was willing to show. He let it go quickly because it wasn’t in R’wign’s nature to dwell on things if he had an adequate distraction, and M’ta being awake was more than satisfactory in terms of ‘distraction.’ R’wign hadn’t thought back on that incident in months – but if he was to be completely honest with himself, it was probably the first sign that he felt something for M’ta. He’d never have acted on that something under normal circumstances, though. If M’ta hadn’t said anything, he wouldn’t have ever thought more on it and therefore nothing would ever have come from that – but he couldn’t deny, thinking back, that M’ta was the closest person to him. Easily. And he trusted him. Was he in love? Not… that he knew of, but he didn’t really know what love felt like; it hadn’t come easy to him. He didn’t even love Marra… and he’d been with her for Turns. But he definitely cared about M’ta.

Which was why he was, ironically, offended that M’ta would assume that he could so callously use him. He wouldn’t have. There were a lot of things that R’wign was capable of, but deliberately hurting someone who meant so much to him – that wasn’t on the list.

He might have said that he was offended if every instinct he felt wasn’t screaming at him to flee because he’d obviously botched things… again. He was getting very good at that where M’ta was concerned and part of R’wign was angry with himself for letting it bother him; anyone else he’d happily push away and then make no effort whatsoever to mend the bridge. See: K’lir. But it did bother him, the prospect of things between him and M’ta being that badly damaged, and… and that really was all there was to it. So he kept his mouth shut, steadily recoiling until he felt M’ta’s hand catch his arm. That one touch was enough to make him freeze in place and he tilted his head to the side slightly – right into M’ta’s hand. For a split second he shivered, before leaning down to meet the kiss; he was definitely a little tense (nervousness caused that), but that didn’t stop him from returning the kiss with definite enthusiasm. His own hands came back up to rest on M’ta’s sides, firmly enough that he couldn’t get away – not with any speed, anyway.

“I was… supposed to decide quickly?” R’wign asked, more out of curiosity than anything else. “I wanted to make sure I was thinking things through… and then I wasn’t sure if you even still were interested…”

Falling. He had the distinct sensation of falling and it made him tighten his grip on M’ta’s sides. His mind brushed Ellie’s frantically – was she okay? – when the overpowering feeling of being caught replaced the confusion. It was very tempting to shove M’ta down against the wooden planks of the bridge in response; he barely managed to refrain, though he did cock his head to the side and brush his nose against M’ta’s cheek. “Ellie’s flight is over.” Because he felt like it was appropriate to explain that. “I wouldn’t just use you to satisfy whatever urges I have, M’ta… you’re more important to me than that. You should know that by now.” He leaned over to nip M’ta’s neck, very lightly, before asking, “Should we go back to our weyr?”

She was falling – tumbling fast. Ellie squawked and spiraled downward, the fear nearly overwhelming when – she was caught. Caught by a bronze…? The youngest one. Her eyes whirled and she chirped in confusion – why was he sorry? He’d Caught her, rescued her. Why would she be mad? She twined herself against Lao, her own wings spreading to help level out their flight. He was good, saving her~ She hadn’t meant to fall, it’s just that the winds were so bad and her wings hurt so much…

[Requiem]

He really wanted to just cling right now. The feeling was a foreign one, this lightheadedness - but not distasteful. At all. He stilled beneath R'wign's firm grip, looking at the other man searchingly as the hand on the healer's arm moved to join the first around the his neck. It was...ridiculous, really, but he didn't want R'wign leaving. Part of him was certain that this was just another one of the dreams that would leave him cold and trembling, awakening to the same old waiting game. The comfortable waiting game that he likely could have continued forever. But it wasn't R'wign he was uncomfortable with...just the rest, and clearly he wasn't too uncomfortable. Because the knotting in his stomach didn't outweigh the desire to press closer.

"I wanted you to take your time," he murmured, nuzzling against R'wign's jaw. "It's just hard. Three months is a long time to wait without doubting. I figured...that your silence was your answer." The healer should hardly be surprised, right? "My feelings aren't that fickle. For better or worse," he added ruefully, though much of the previous aggravation was absent.

He frowned when R'wign's grip tightened. "A joke," he stated quietly. No, he didn't mean he regretted it, just that it would have been hard to continue living with the brownrider with these odd emotions to deal with as well. So he'd tried to be rid of them, but it wasn't that easy. Clearly. "R'wign? What's wrong?" His arms dropped and he tried to pull back enough to get a good look at the healer, but R'wign resumed motion in the next moment, his nose brushing M'ta's cheek. The explanation made M'ta breathe easier. He thought he'd said something again...he did on occasion.

Growling softly, he gave into temptation and embraced R'wign fully. "I always lose myself," he told his weyrmate quietly, by way of explanation. And apology. "I do know you wouldn't just take advantage of me normally." Or likely touch another man at all, normally, but he knew better than to say that. He knew how to change someone's mind in that regard, if given the chance. If he could push aside the demons long enough to do so. With R'wign...almost definitely. So many barriers had already been broken that it was hard for M'ta to believe most of the time.

"It surprised me. And all I could think was that it couldn't be real. I'm sorry. I forgot how little you're effected." He hoped R'wign would take that explanation. Because he seemed upset, if only a little, and M'ta didn't want him thinking that he didn't trust him. It wasn't true, for one.

Still, he wasn't interested in talking much more. In fact, his response to R'wign's question had been to slide back, taking the healer's hand and beginning to walk toward the end of the bridge leading to their weyr. His stomach was doing flipflops, but he decided it wasn't the worst sensation. Head dipping as he fell silent, his hand tightened on R'wign's.

[archenstone]

Kalina noticed the gaze from R'wign. It was so...possessive and fierce and just...unexpected that she backed up a step. Why would he look at her that way? What did she do? Her rising anxiety was compounded by her browns stress from seeing their gold fall. Both had dived after her with eyes whirling in fear for neither was strong enough to carry a gold. The end of the flight came mixed disappointment and desire. Both of them had struggled yes? Arcturius was still pleased with himself, knowing that he had bested his companion and rival Raziel and made it higher than he'd ever flown before. He glided along the air currents back towards the Weyr. Raziel simply popped between to Kalina's Weyr and curled up on a ledge. He was tired.

Kalina stood to the side as the brownriders walked past and towards the Weyrs. Her mind was still tumbling in mixed feelings and she wasn't sure of herself at the moment. After they were several paces behind her she began walking towards the woods. She would go to her thinking place. A part of the woods with large red fruit trees she could climb and rest on as she thought. KaliMine, you know you shouldn't be by yourself. Uminth couldn't understand why the brownriders mattered so much....M'ta in particular. They were all men weren't they?

Just give me some time Uminth. I....need to think this out.