Fade-in for Shmee and S'rei

[Administrator]

Shmee brightened the instant S'rei entered, opening her mouth to utter some sort of greeting. However, she frowned, pulling her shirt back over her shoulder. Back in the day, she would have put on a pouty front and probably would have begun to whine. But now, she was paranoid. Had Lauranna said something concerning C'leon? Shooting up, she regarded him seriously, her blue eyes widening slightly in anxiety. "What's wrong?" she asked, hardly able to contain the panic in her voice. "Is it Benden?"

Not waiting for an answer, she leapt up, dashing over to her notes. Stuffing the hide into her waistband, her eyes darted around suspiciously. It wasn't as though her notes would be safer in her pants, but if a spy was in their midst, she was not ready to take any chances. Sighing, she sat back onto the bed, unaware of the thoughts that S'rei was thinking of her, but his brooding look worried her. Was he poisoned again? Head spinning over suspiciously, she watched him with a scrutinizing gaze, as if seeing if he would savagely try to have his way with her. However, she dismissed that notion in an instant. He was anything but wild right now.

"What's wrong?" she asked, softening her voice more this time. He had seemed just as bothered as she had been when they were interrupted, but now it felt as though she were distant from him once more. She frowned, sitting with her legs crossed, racking her brains for what might have gone wrong. "Did something happen with your sister?" That being all she could think of what might have happened, she tried desperately to think of potential dangers with her. Was the greenrider angry with him for being Weyrleader?

That must be it. Her lips pursed, agitated. His sister must be angry that he now had an important role in the Weyr. It wasn't as though they could help it- Salenth's Catching of Aslath had been entirely accidental. However, Shmee had not an objection in the slightest, she admitted. She was happy that Salenth had Caught Aslath. She knew the man, knew that he was strong and good-hearted. However, she did not know much about love, so she couldn't say if she was falling for him or not. One thing she did know, though, was that having Aslath Caught by another's dragon at that Flight would not have brought the same effect that waking up with S'rei had.

Or what if it was S'rei with the problem with her? she fretted. It was strange- before he left with Lauranna, it hadn't seemed like there was a problem. But what if Lauranna knew something...? Well, whatever the cause, something was fishy about that greenrider. Determined to get to the bottom of this, she said, "Spill it. What did she tell you?"

[Requiem]

Her voice came through to him distantly. His eyes went to her, but Shmee was busy stuffing something down her pants - he didn't want to ask. Strange girl. Though he hadn't consciously decided how to react to his sister's words, the man could already feel his emotions shutting down. It was a bad habit of his. The moment he began to feel overwhelmed, his soul closed itself off from the world, and everything seemed to filter in from a great distance. He couldn't have expressed anger if he'd wanted to. Or joy. Or fear. It all nestled behind lock and key somewhere deep inside, so all that remained was the unpenetrable barrier of his stony eyes and a blank face.

Too early, he mused to himself. He'd jumped into things with Shmee far too early. With Sage it had taken longer; he'd been smitten with the greenrider long before she even knew of his interest. That would have lasted until the end of the world had she not been...but even that pain he couldn't feel. No, he didn't even love Shmee. Not really. She was dear to him, someone to be protected and taken care of, but at this point the path could lead in many different directions, only one of them love. Why had he let himself go in a moment of weakness? He had no idea where she stood. And, frankly, even if he had, he had no right to share that level of intimacy with her when he didn't know where he stood. If anything, S'rei was most annoyed with himself. He'd never been this bad at controlling himself in the past. Shardit.

He blinked as the girl's voice hardened, at first not even recognizing her. "What?" Then, as sometimes happened with him, the words she'd spoken floated to the top of his memory. S'rei shook his head slowly. "Nothing. All she did was remind me of a few things I'd forgotten." Like the fact that the Weyrwoman was a flirt and a tease, and that Selenitas weyrwomen were notorious for playing off their suitors. As were goldriders in general. And the fact that Laurie and Miguel really didn't have anyone else. It had been so long since others had actually been dependent on him in that manner that S'rei found it an unusual thought.

Pain prodded him in his palm. Looking down, the bronzerider stared at the small trickles of blood evidenced in his palm, his gaze lost and numb. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that this was mostly due to Lauranna's dredging back up thoughts of Sage. He missed her. Terribly. Missed the intimacy he'd shared with her, both physically and mentally. They'd known each other so well. Fit so well. Maybe that was the reason he'd plunged into this thing with Shmee so fast; S'rei was desperately trying to regain that level of closeness. But nothing would ever be like the way it was then. It couldn't be.

Moisture. On his cheeks. A burning sensation. In his eyes. What was this? Tears. He was...crying. It must be odd, he marvelled distantly, to see a man crying with no emotion whatsoever evidenced in his face other than the salty drops. S'rei couldn't bring himself to care that Shmee saw, however. Just as he'd managed to distance himself from these emotions that were apparently racking his body, the bronzerider's pride was set aside, as well, beyond reach. She'd probably think him less of a man. Pragmatically, he figured that would make it easier in the long run; she would find someone else and he could go back to the solitary life he was probably destined for.

[Administrator]

Shmee frowned. Like hell it was nothing. Lauranna had said something, but S'rei just didn't want to tell her. Why else would he be so distant with her? Before he left, he was all smiles. But now, he was so cold and withdrawn. Shmee felt slightly hurt by this. He wasn't willing to tell her what was wrong. Though she knew that he probably had a right to secrets, she hadn't imagined he would actually keep any from her. Perhaps he really didn't like her. Numbly, she realized this must be it. He had only used her for the sex. It would certainly explain why he had kissed her so ferociously back in the hold, even if he was drugged. It would explain why he hadn't objected to her advances earlier this evening, without explaining himself...

He was bleeding. She frowned, but didn't go over to him. She so wanted to, but she held herself back. He would probably push her away. "You're bleeding," she told him softly, gently. She may have been stating the obvious, but how else was she supposed to react? It didn't look serious, and just a bit of pressure would probably stop the flow. She looked at his hand for a moment before returning her head back to his face.

Now he was crying. Unable to help herself this time, Shmee came over to him. Letting one hand stroke his hair comfortingly, her thumb brushed at the tears on his cheek. She was more confused than ever, not knowing if it was her fault or Lauranna's, but feeling like a slave to her own feelings toward him. "It's all right," she told him soothingly, her blue eyes meeting his own wet ones. Rarely had Shmee seen a man cry, and S'rei was not the one she would have expected to see first. It was strange to her. Even if he had used her, this strange need to comfort him came over her. Even after she had flicked the tears away, her finger continued to stroke his cheek as the hand the stroked his hair went down to his bleeding hand.

Taking it firmly in hers, she looked down, gripping it hard enough to perhaps stop it from bleeding. The base of her hand pressed into it, putting pressure on the little wound. "It isn't nothing," she finally told him, her voice soft as she looked down at their interlocked hands. "She told you something and it upset you. What was it?" she asked again, gentle but firm, like the grip onto his hand. Denying this fact was futile. It was simply not possible that he had hurt himself and was crying over nothing. Hesitantly, she brought her thumb to the inner corner of one eye, her long nail catching a budding tear on it. Even though she knew she shoulder be hating the man for using her, a warm feeling surged through her. So strong was this feeling that she felt herself trembling, but unable to pull away from it. It wasn't lust- it was a good feeling, she realized as she carefully pulled her hand from his eye, the tear balanced on her nail. Was it too late? Had he already ensnared her? she wondered, mystified. Had he used her for her body and took something more in the process? Removing her hand from his, she looked down. She couldn't tell if he had stopped bleeding, but a little of his blood had stuck to her hand. In one hand, she had his blood, and the other, his tear. Regardless of whether or not he had stopped bleeding, she held his hand once more, gentleness in it this time.

[Requiem]

Why? Why would she tell him he was bleeding? It was the pressure of his nails in his own palm, nothing more, and something he was certainly aware of. The quietness in her voice disturbed him. Still, though, he couldn't bring himself to feel.

Her touch, though, sent a shiver of reaction through him, and the man found himself looking into the concerned blues. A little gasp was torn from him. The emotions suddenly broke through whatever barrier his mind had erected and he was saturated in them. Oversaturated. Grief and anger and disgust slammed up into his throat, such that he looked down, struggling with himself, struggling simply to breathe with such a weight on his chest. Shardit. Shardit. Shardit. Shardit. The litany went on in his mind. This was not how it was supposed to be. Men did not weep, did not need a woman's comfort. Or most men. Too late, though, to hide it from Shmee. Far too late.

He felt himself returning her grip. Damn her. He'd been fine until she had to touch him - sort of. At her words, he shook his head silently, certain that any words that might come from his mouth would be incoherent. What was bothering him? The green eyes welled up in his mind, laughter swelling there. With a start, he was up and out of the chair, moving across the room just to distance himself from Shmee.

You know, for a bronzer, you're awfully strange. Oh? Who ever heard of a bronzerider with no ambition? Much less a Benden Wingleader? And I thought I was just getting a warm body for the night. Do you regret it? Oh, sometimes. But not all of the time, or really most of the time. Good. I plan to stay around awhile longer. Do you, now? I suppose that's acceptable. It had better be acceptable, minx. The memory of her laughter made him wince. His back to Shmee, he held up a hand, the hand closing into a fist after a moment.

When the bronzerider finally did speak, it was carefully controlled. "It wasn't what she said, Shmee." He owed her the truth. At least some of it. "Or, not exactly what she said. Her words reminded me of my weyrmate at Benden. She was killed in the war. I - I guess I'm not really over it yet." He guessed? S'rei had pushed it from his mind because it was too painful. Too painful, knowing that, had he only tried a little harder, he might have kept her from entering that battle that day. "I'm sorry, Shmee." The man ran a hand over his face. Absently, he noticed that the tears had stopped.

"I'm afraid I've been unfair to you. You're a good, beautiful woman, but...Well, I shouldn't touch you when I don't know where my heart lies." It was the gentlest way he could put it. Truthfully, that was what he was most concerned about, not the seeds of doubt Lauranna had planted in his mind. And, if the Weyrwoman was using him, he supposed he couldn't blame her when he'd been subconsciously using Shmee to overcome the lonliness and grief over another woman.

S'rei rested his head against the wall for a moment. When he straightened, the man's face had fallen into the familiar planes, though his eyes were still a bit reddened. Even the ironic smile was tugging at his lips again. Yep, he was just so great at these relationship things, wasn't he?

[Administrator]

Shmee's eyes widened at the speed at which S'rei got away from her. What was she doing wrong?! she panicked. Did he not like her as much as she had thought, or was it the awful truth that she had been used? Well, whatever it was, she thought bitterly, she had walked right into it. Clenching her fists at her own stupidity, she looked at the floor around his feet as S'rei stood there. She could feel her own eyes starting to well up with tears this time, and she blinked multiple times to prevent them from spilling.

"Stop," she said, her voice trembling with emotion. She couldn't stand how he called her good, how he called her beautiful... It was selfish of her to think such things, that she knew, but she had inadvertently got herself wrapped up with S'rei's pain. In his effort to grow close to another person, her attachment to him had grown. So now he was telling her that she was a toy, something for him to play with as he got over the loss of his weyrmate? "I don't want to hear any more!" she said, trying to change her voice into a command. Flailing her arms in his direction, she tried shooing him away, keeping far from him.

So she had been used. Even if it wasn't in the way she had thought at first, it was still him using her just for his own comfort without any thought given to her. What was she to someone as callous as S'rei? She was simply a body. Nothing would replace his weyrmate, but his body demanded another to share with him. So much for having there be actual, good reason behind it! At this thought, tears finally did spill over.

"Get out," she finally uttered in a low voice, folding her arms and letting her eyes run freely. "If you wanted someone to share your furs for a night, I'm sure a Flightmoth would've been happy to oblige. You wouldn't have had to look too long to find someone." At this, Shmee stalked back off to the table, pulling the scrap of hide from her pants and slamming it onto the table with unnecessary force. The writing was illegible to her blurry vision, and bitter tears fell onto it, smearing the ink. However, Shmee didn't care. These notes were no longer the first thing on her mind.

Are you going to leave me?[/color]Aslath asked anxiously as she looked over at Salenth, her eyes whirling. Mine feels alone. I do not want to be.[/color] Possesively, she grabbed onto his tail with hers, squeezing it tightly as if it would keep him grounded. No- she was not going to lose her bronze mate that easily.[/size]

[Requiem]

He was watching the play of emotions across her face, even as he kept his own in shadow. Why did he always feel the need to tell people the plain truth? Yet...he hadn't imagined it could effect her so profoundly. His hand curled into a fist at the raw pain in her voice. S'rei should have kept it to himself. Oh, he felt better now, certainly. No tears. In fact, he was very much aware of every emotion burning through him, which meant he wasn't very emotional at the moment, at least compared to before.

Salenth shifted. Just great. As usual, S'rei, who seemed to manage dragonriders well enough as a matter of business, was screwing everything up with Shmee. It amazes me, Mine, how even I can know more about a woman's mind than you. She thinks you're using her. The man's response was slow to come. Then she's right. She isn't. Six turns you spent at Benden. It's been three since she died. If you were using Aslath's, don't you think you'd have used a few other women on the way? No response. Can you honestly say you don't care for her? A surge of stubborness welled up over their link. I promised myself I wouldn't get involved, but you're an absolute fool sometimes. You're just afraid she's going to hurt you. Like Reysalth's said. And you feel guilty about moving on. That's why you're thinking more of Sage right now, not because you're not over it. Sal- Shut up! Well, you've got your answer now, haven't you? You've hurt Aslath's. And let me tell you something; you'd best fix things, because I don't intend to leave the mother of my clutch alone at her first clutching.

S'rei hardly needed the bronze's chastising to feel like scum. Just her tears did that. Salenth was right. He knew S'rei's mind better than the bronzerider did. I do, the dragon agreed, gentler. You like to dissect every little thing, and draw the worst conclusions about yourself. Mine...is it really so bad to love again? The question managed to stagger him. Love? How could he love Shmee? He hardly knew her. And he'd managed to grind her feelings underfoot already. The truth finally settled onto him like a dead weight. The bronzerider had never - not once - touched a woman he didn't love. He'd shared himself only with Sage before Shmee. It was the fact that now he had to admit Sage was gone, and that, somehow, he'd managed to fall for someone else with staggering speed, that disturbed S'rei. How could he do that to her memory? And yet, wasn't that what she would want? Shards, Sage had slept with nearly all the weyr before he came along; she'd even gone so far as to say that, as long as he came back to her at the end of the day, she didn't give a rat's ass what he did with himself.

That was Sage for you. Shards, how he'd loved that woman.

Damn it all, but he was attracted to these strong women, wasn't he? S'rei did not leave. Having finally come to terms with himself, he found it somewhat ironic that he was now the last person Shmee wanted to see. Of course, she was assuming a lot, too, which was her nature. He didn't truly believe he could fix anything, like Salenth wanted him to, but S'rei was a fairly stubborn man of his own accord.

Walking over to the desk, he glanced at the notes, pushing them aside so they wouldn't get any damper than they already were. "I find it hard to move on, Shmee. It's confusing. The closer I get to you, the more I feel like I'm betraying what I had with her, even though she's been dead for turns." Reaching out, he grasped her hands, willing her to look at him. Anger was better than this. He could deal with anger. The tears, however, burned him inside. His voice lowered. "I don't want just anyone. It's been three turns, and if I have to wait ten more until you forgive me, Shmee - then that's what I'll do." So far she hadn't struck him or screamed. That may well be what came next. S'rei plowed ahead before she could do so, however. "What I meant is that I care deeply for you, but the emotions are so mixed up right now. Do you understand?"

At Aslath's plaintive plea, Salenth returned the pressure of her tail in reassurance. There would be no need for him to leave. The Weyrleader was not above sleeping outside the weyrleaders' quarters if Shmee insisted on his leaving; the man truly was a stubborn mule with very little pride. A stupid stubborn mule, but a stubborn mule nonetheless. I won't be going anywhere, Aslath. He nuzzled her affectionately. Not unless you order me to.

[Administrator]

Aslath crooned, moving her massive head to rest over on of his forelimbs. Sending Shmee the reassurance that Salenth’s words gave to her, she rubbed her head under his neck lovingly. I would never order you away,[/color] she replied, her mind-voice brimming with affection. Never would she consider sending him away; he was her bronze. At first, at the hold, he had been her protector, and later her protected. And now, she thought with pride, he was the father of her unlaid eggs. It was strange how similar Aslath’s view of Salenth was to Shmee’s view of S’rei. Of course, Aslath was less upset at the bronze.

Shmee didn’t even try slapping S’rei. This wasn’t one of her mad fits of anger. This was something different. As he grasped her hands, she let out a light sobbing sound, shuddering as tears dripped onto their clasped hands. Finally looking up, her eyes met his, the hurt in them very plain. She had no idea what he was saying to her. She didn’t understand. “If you know that you care for me,” she said after a moment in a voice that, despite a few trembles, was surprisingly calm, “then what emotions are so mixed up? What further emotion do you need?” At the last word, the strain she had of trying to make her voice calm was clear when her voice broke, and she pulled her hands from him.

She pushed away the reassurance her dragon tried sending her. No- Aslath was just fine, with the bronze at her side who didn’t worry about caring deeply for her. If only S’rei could be that way. It was a sad thing that happened with his weyrmate, but as he said, it was turns ago. Shouldn’t he start moving on? Just taking this as just an excuse for him using her, an attempt to make her feel better, Shmee finally looked away from him, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. Her eyes were still red, and her cheeks sticky from the salty substance, but she opted not to notice it as she pulled her notes back to her violently. Waving a hand at him in wordless dismissal, she pretended to be very enraptured in her notes, though in actuality, she was very self-conscious. She was holding herself back until he would leave, where she could finally let her emotions run unrestrained.

Do not be angry with him,[/color] Aslath stated with gentle firmness. You know he has been through a lot. He has lost a weyrmate. He has known love, and he has lost it. You have never known it, just try to imagine-[/color]

“SHUT UP, I KNOW!” Shmee screamed out loud, clasping her hands over her ears, tears running down her face anew. Aslath silenced immediately, withdrawing herself from the chaos and turmoil in her mind as she shrank against Salenth. It wasn’t fear, but shock at how harsh her bonded’s mind was against her. Shmee was disgusted with herself, and taking it out on her truest love.

Shmee’s head sank down to the desk, using her arms as a pillow to rest her forehead on. There, she lay limply, simply letting her tears destroy her notes now. They didn’t matter. She knew what she had written, and it wasn’t as though they were actually going to work. What kind of Weyrwoman was she? Throwing weyrlings into hell and expecting a report on it. Training wings to fight as if they were Benden or Fort- would they kill other dragons and become so accustomed that they would not mourn the death of their own? The little blue forced his way into her mind, his eyes accusing as ichor dripped down his throat. Shmee had not stopped his doom, and look at how she was compensating for it! She was going to bring the death of more.

Aslath, take me out of here, Shmee suddenly said, her voice rigid with cold.

No, came the stern reply. I don’t trust you flying with those thoughts. You would lead us somewhere terrible, and I am not going to risk getting us killed. If you want to go somewhere, ask S’rei.[/color] The name slid from Aslath’s mind easily, and Shmee was left stunned. Aslath never used anyone’s name. Slowly pushing herself up, she leaned against the desk for support, looking at S’rei as if trying to find something hidden in him, something that would make Aslath remember his name.[/size]

[Requiem]

It was all he could do to hold her gaze as her eyes fell upon him. S'rei suddenly wished it had been another bronze who had caught Aslath, another bronzerider who was involved with Shmee, that he had never done more than chat with her briefly and that she'd never ensnared him. Or at least that he'd never wormed his way close enough in her heart to hurt her this much. He was an idiot. Interesting, how often he'd been realizing that truth lately. A shard-blasted idiot. Her question was met with a helpless stare. It was a good question. One he couldn't answer. It should be as simple as that, shouldn't it, and yet somehow it wasn't. How could he hope to make her understand when he hardly could understand it himself?

S'rei's hands closed on empty air. He remained where he was, stumped by a question he should have been able to answer, his expression blank. You should say or do something, ReiMine, Salenth prompted. But the bronzerider didn't know what to do. His response to this level of emotion had always been the same; hold the woman until she stopped crying. Shmee didn't want that. He didn't blame her. Nor could he imagine himself taking her in the circle of his arms after hurting her so. Straightening, finally, he stared helplessly at the distraught woman, turning his face aside when it simply became too much for him.

Her scream made the man jump. Wide-eyed, he looked to her, but the Weyrwoman couldn't be talking to him; he hadn't said a thing since that first question. The bronzerider glanced briefly outwards, where he could just make out the two dragons, twined together. Was it Aslath she was shrieking at? Why would she do that? It must be so much simpler, being a dragon - Don't be ridiculous, ReiMine. You're the one who makes it difficult. It could be as simple as breathing, if you'd let it. S'rei glimpsed the bronze doing his best to curl protectively around the larger female that was his weyrmate, apparently comforting her. That was what he should be doing for Shmee. Yet how could he comfort a woman's hurt when it was he who'd twisted the blade?

Her head resting on his forelimbs, the gold pressed against him and trembling slightly in reaction to her bonded's outburst, Salenth decided he'd had quite enough of humans for awhile. They were just so - ludicrous. And he was not about to let either S'rei or Shmee take anything out on Aslath. This golden queen was the one he'd chased, the one he desired, the one he would fight for until his last breath, the one who would clutch his brood and make him prouder than he'd ever been. His mind-voice whispered softly in her head, Come. Fly away with me. Let us sleep on the banks of the river tonight, and leave ours to work it out themselves. He crooned softly. Forgive me, just this once, for wishing to share you with no one else. Nothing should distress his Aslath during this time. Nothing.

Completely at a loss for what to do, he listened to her sobs, turning his back on the girl and beginning to pace like a caged beast. S'rei's face had set into a terrifying expression. It was anger. Barely contained violence, of the sort that drove a man to kill without thought or remorse. Perhaps it was Vani's blood in his veins; hadn't she gone insane after a time, lost in her own bitterness and grief? The bronzerider's jaw worked silently. He was arguing with himself. Part of him desired simply to leave, to allow Shmee to come to terms with her emotions and move on from there, but another part insisted that, once she got past this vulnerable stage, he would never be able to penetrate that outward mask that had briefly come down for him. And that circumstance, shockingly enough, he found unbearable. For now the rage was turned inward. There was no outlet, and he was angry at himself, after all. It had seemed so simple when he was half-awake. Why did he have to go and make it complicated? All he needed was some hapless fool to say the wrong thing, and that rage would fly outward, unstoppable and possibly lethal given S'rei's present mood.

This gave Salenth pause. The black rage was a rare one for his mine, but all the more frightening because of it. He suddenly worried for Aslath's. It was your fault you hurt her, yes, but this is the time to turn it around. Not go into your angry shell. Come on. Snap out of it. I didn't ask your opinion, S'rei snapped back, sharply. The bronze could tell, just by that response, that he was toeing the line with his bonded as it was. Anything more might just be enough...With any luck, all S'rei would do was start throwing things, but that was not something Salenth wished to gamble on. He remained silent, all the more determined to get out of there.

With a muted growl, the man suddenly pivoted, slamming his fist into a nearby wall. It didn't really give. The pain flashed up his arm and, with it, his head seemed to clear. He didn't notice the Weyrwoman's eyes upon him. Stalking past her, his spine stiff with self-loathing, S'rei grabbed a damp cloth from the baths, returning to toss it down on the desk. His tone was brisk. "Clean your face," the man stated, a far cry from his usually gentle nature. Relief at avoiding the berserker's rage made him gruffer than usual, and he was still annoyed enough at himself that he couldn't quite manage anything softer.

S'rei settled on the bed, eyes boring into her over steepled hands. "I'll leave, if that's what you want." For a time it seemed he wasn't going to say anymore. "It's what I deserve. Just don't cry." One hand came up to pinch the bridge of his nose, his eyes closing against a pounding headache. He didn't notice the skinned knuckles in the slightest. "Please, Shmee. Don't cry." Every one of her tears speared through him, knowing that he was the cause and unable to change that...unable to change the very part of himself that caused her such grief, no matter how he might wish to. The very futility of it was enraging.

[Administrator]

Shmee flinched as he drove his hand into the wall, and a deep scowl fell across her tear-streaked face as he told her- not asked, but ordered- her to clean her face.. "Don't tell me what to do," she growled weakly, indignant as well as angry. She wasn't a weyrbrat. She would do what she wanted, and now was not the time for her to complacently wipe her face. Pushing away the damp cloth, she glared at him with her reddened eyes. How could a man punch a wall, only to tell the woman to clean her face of tears that she had shed because of him?

Aslath shifted, her multi-faceted eyes flickering back to her bonded. All right,[/color] she replied softly. They both need time. ShMine still hurts, but I think she and S'rei only need a bit of time alone, as we do.[/color] Crooning, she nuzzled him, taking him up on his offer. We will lie together by the river for the night, and it will be calm.[/color] She paused. And I, of course, do not mind being with you alone for now. There is nothing to forgive.[/color] With that, the young queen lifted off from the weyrledge, soaring to the river as she ignored the mild ache in her wings from the Flight. They were getting better from all the rest. Coming to a stop on the beach, she crooned loudly for her mate, waiting for him to come share her warmth once more.

Shmee made no outer movement that she acknowledged Aslath's departure, but she did feel the pressing burn against her eyes, the tell-tale sign of more tears that could unleash. It was strange. She didn't know why she suddenly wanted to cry as Aslath went to the river. However, she pushed back the tears, instead switching her focus to S'rei's hand, gazing impassively where he skinned it. "Stop hurting yourself," she said in a low voice, the tears stopping, but not telling him to go. "You're always hurting yourself, so stop." Taking his hand without the usual gentleness she had, she looked down at it, an unreadable expression on her shadowy features.

It bothered her how S'rei always hurt himself. First his fingernails pierced his palm, and now he had punched a wall. She simply didn't get it, just as she didn't understand what S'rei felt about her. The whole man was a mystery. He had acted as though he truly liked her, then she found out he only was using her to try and forget his dead weyrmate. Aslath had used his name, yet Shmee felt sick looking at his face. And now, all this violence towards himself... Dropping his hand, Shmee retreated back to the wall, leaning against it as she regarded S'rei.

Once again, more tears threatened to spill. Irritating how weak she was right now, she looked down at her feet. She hated how once she started crying, it was nearly impossible to stop. Aslath's words continued ringing in her mind: He has known love, and he has lost it. You have never known it...[/b] If that was so, why couldn't she look at him? Never had her strong, vibrant eyes felt so dark and vulnerable. Any moment, they could gush a flood, but perhaps if she just avoided eye contact, she could keep this unflooded river at its bank... Sinking weakly to her knees, she found herself trembling slightly, unsure of why. Was she so desperate for him, or was it a combination of all the torturous thoughts ravaging her mind? S'rei, the clutch, fighting, weyrlings, spies... Putting a hand against her eyes, she willed the tears to push back, hardly noticing the slight wetness that clung to her fingertips.[/size]

[Requiem]

He ignored her disobedience. In truth, he'd told her to do it because he'd wanted to - and couldn't. S'rei didn't really care if Shmee listened to him or not. That was her prerogative. And, at least, he'd broken his silence.

His gaze was weary and withdrawn as it met her glare. What did she want from him? To leave her alone? He could do that, he supposed. To forget her? That was harder. To say it was all a joke and make everything peachy again? Untrue, and probably unbelievable, to boot. To forget Sage and his sister's warning, the which still lingered at the back of his mind? Impossible. To walk out of her life and never return? That last gave him pause. If it came to that...S'rei could likely do so, though he knew deep down that would be a death for him. It had taken him so long to find another after Sage. And, with it going so horribly wrong - no, there could not be anyone after Shmee. Yet he couldn't stand the hurt in her eyes, not day after day. Wouldn't it be better if he left?

Premature. The thought that surfaced in his mind sounded like a statement of Salenth's, though it was his own thought. It hasn't even been an hour since you returned. What sort of idiot gives up so early? Her pain is just raw right now.

Cocking his head curiously at Aslath - even Salenth didn't call ReiMine S'rei - the bronze was relieved when she accepted his offer. He powered up into the air after her, though slower, making sure that the danger had passed. Sometimes His scared him. But, no, there was no anger left, though the frustration was still strong over their link. He saw her, gleaming in the fading light, on the bank and marvelled at his good fortune. Aslath...The thought of Morsrath ever getting his claws on her was mortifying. It very well could have happened today. Should have happened today. The stars, however, had aligned, or so it would seem, given his accidental capture of the queen.

Salenth settled beside his weyrmate, immediately insinuating himself as close as possible, for the ground was already cooling and he would soon be wanting her warmth. Not that he didn't want her touch anyway. It is much quieter here, the bronze commented dryly, even as he covered her head and neck with a wing.

Her touch, impersonal though it was, was enough to draw a sigh from S'rei. Still she touched him? Still she worried about him? Was Shmee nuts? He would never understand women - or rather, this woman. What was he to say, that he did these things to relieve a pressure that, unchecked, may well maim or kill someone else? S'rei hardly wanted Shmee to know how close he came to blindingly murderous sometimes. The pain seemed to break through his dark rages. He did, however, respond after a moment, though by this time she'd released his hand and retreated to the offending wall. "It's better than turning it on someone else," the man stated, almost rebelliously. Shmee didn't know what she was demanding. He could not - would not - stop if it meant others would have to suffer those rages.

S'rei immediately regretted his momentary flare of impatience. Shmee had sunk to her knees, head down, and he stood slowly, picking up the damp cloth she'd tossed aside. He knelt before her. Drawing her face up, he began to clear some of the moisture from it, not quite meeting her gaze as he worked. "Shardit, Shmee. You can't stop, can you?" Despite the brusque tone, his touch was gentle. He finally regarded the swimming blue eyes. His own greys were dark and thoughtful. "This is what happens when you lock up all your emotions for too long."

Well should he know. That was, after all, one of his largest faults. "You're right, you know," he added, softer still. "It's just a bit scary. Scarier for me, because I know...I know what I'm in for, and know what it's like to lose..." He smiled, though it was humorless. Great start there. His eyes drifted elsewhere for a moment as he gathered his thoughts. "Never thought I'd be saying anything like this so early," he admitted ruefully.

His eyes came up to meet hers unflinchingly. Defiance lingered behind them. Though, deeper still, there lay a great vulnerability, the defiance nothing but a shroud, daring her to cast him aside. "I love you, Shmee. Shard-blast it, but I do." He wanted to do so many things at that moment, least of which to kiss her so he wouldn't have to listen to her response - the which was likely to be indifferent at best - but S'rei did nothing. The bronzerider simply held her gaze, his hand still resting lightly beneath her chin.

[Administrator]

Aslath made a croon that sounded almost like a purr, nuzzling him gently. Snuggling up close to his warm body under his wing, her golden trail travelled behind them, slithering along the ground like a snake. Laying it around Salenth as far as it would go, it lay against him, as if reminding any dragons coming that this was her bronze, and that she was proud of it. Not that there was anyone around, of course. Like Salenth said, it was quiet. Yes, it is very quiet,[/color] she replied, acknowledging it. It is nice. It is just us,[/color] she added lovingly. If she had to imagine being alone with another bronze, she would say it wasn't as nice. No, Salenth was the bronze it was nice to be with. Any other would simply not be enjoyable. Salenth knew that she wanted him to keep her warm in the night without even being asked. To her, there was nothing better than how he knew what she wanted without a word.

Shmee didn't seem to notice S'rei's response to his self-violence. Shadows danced through her mind, the silhouettes of all that worried her. Fine, let S'rei hurt himself if he wished. That wasn't among her greatest worries, and she certainly did not want to add it on. There was spies to worry about, both here at Selenitas and how to infiltrate Benden. Then the weyrlings, her desire to somehow bring the current weyrlings of Benden here, and send Uu'n over. Then there was how to get C'leon out of Weyrleadership, and how to protect themselves from his wrath... Shmee's trembling intensified as S'rei descended upon her to wipe her face.

She avoided his gaze further, moving her hand from her over-flowing eyes. She hated this- her eyes now ached with these stupid tears that she just couldn't stop, and she was very aware of how weak she was. Weak and chilldish, that's always how she'd been. This was why people hated her as a Weyrwoman, because she couldn't control emotions like this... Her chest heaved with restrained sobs, letting him clean off her face as if she were the weyrbrat most people saw her as. The damp cloth did feel good on her warm face though, and she felt herself calming ever-so-slightly. The tears slowly ceased, though the shaking did not.

Her reddened eyes blinked, once again not understanding S'rei's words. It frustrated the woman. Was she just incapable of understand whatever he said? Feeling herself about to withdraw from him, she paused as he did. Say what so early? Did she miss something? She wouldn't have been surprised if she did. She seemed to be missing everything today, understanding nothing and only managing to break down at it all.

His next words caught her off-guard. All seemed silent in the room, save for her pounding heart and the throbbing of her pulse in different places of her body. He loved her? Hadn't he just told her that he didn't want to touch her? Yet... her hand migrated to his cheek, touching it lightly as if for the first time. Her blue eyes looked deeply into his own, trying to decipher her own feelings as well as his own. He didn't look like he was lying, she realized with wonder. Her head moved slightly closer to his own, hesitant, unsure if she could do this or not.

S'rei had been the one to trigger her emotions so strongly, she realized. The thought returned to her how she was a slave to his emotions, and her feelings toward him. Nothing had felt like this to Shmee before. Aslath's haunting words kept sliding through her mind, but she dismissed them with strange firmness. It wasn't true. Not anymore. She did know love. In the short times she had spent with him, she had somehow managed to fall for him. She was in love with S'rei.

Awed by this revelation, she slowly put her lips to his, this kiss possible the most tender she had kissed him with yet. Not driven by lust or by eagerness, it was slow and experimental. If he would push her away, then she herself would go away. But if he didn't... After a brief moment, she halted the kiss with equal slowness, looking at him carefully. However, as she did so, she felt her eyes begin to water all over again. Cursing herself inwardly, she closed them to push them back. "I didn't think you did," she admitted softly, her breathing ragged with the effort to keep tears at bay. "I... I do love you," she finally replied, sounding marvelled at this thought, amazed that she was capable of such an emotion. These words, seldom used together, was such an incredible thing for the Weyrwoman. "I love you," she repeated, her voice hardly above a whisper, opening her eyes. They still looked watery, but they weren't going to shed. She was able to hold them back, letting the words be her emotional release rather than the pointless tears she had previously spilled. No- these words meant so much more.[/size]

[Requiem]

All was quiet. Obscenely, horribly silent. Why had he said that? Because it was true, certainly, but the timing was wrong. She was sitting there, weeping, because he couldn't get his head on straight, and he pulled that out? Shmee must feel like she was being jerked around. The longer she stared at him in shock, not responding, the more he cursed himself inside but, through some perverse stubborness, he refused to look away or apologize. S'rei had been as honest as he could with her. Any confusion and contradictions in what he'd said or done were also felt inside. He couldn't say the confusion wasn't still there, but he knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he loved Shmee. He just wasn't sure how to feel about that fact.

S'rei knew she'd never loved, and he was probably one of the few who knew Shmee wasn't the sort to give her favors freely, even if she was a shameless flirt...it was a great risk. Yet how could he change his own heart? He didn't understand how it could have happened so quickly. Shmee was a magnificent creature. Endearing. Soft-hearted. But she certainly wasn't the first woman he'd met since Sage who'd possessed all those traits. The truth was, given a choice, S'rei would not have chosen to fall for someone like Shmee, for a goldrider, for a Weyrwoman who others would always be competing for and who had no shortage of men to choose from. If that curious mixture of traits that had him in their thrall - that mixture of childishness and maturity and strength and vulnerability - could have come in a different package, perhaps a greenrider or even a drudge, he would have preferred that. Those were the traits that had undoubtedly drawn Aslath, however, just as they compelled him. Still, he felt unbearably insecure, as he hadn't for a good long while. How long had it been since a woman was capable of doing this to him? And he couldn't read her, could only wait for her reaction to break, for her to push him away.

Her touch drew him out of his internal turmoil. A shiver swept through his stomach, but he refused to look away, as much because he refused to lose to his own insecurity as because of any determination on his own part to show her that he meant those words. Shmee's eyes captured him. It was no longer a matter of will; he couldn't have broken eye contact if he tried, losing himself in that damp, searching gaze. So complete was her power over him that he didn't realize how close she'd come until her lips burned into his. S'rei froze for the first few seconds. Then his hands fell to linger at her waist, his eyes closing, the warmth of the kiss spreading throughout his body.

When she pulled away, fear came into his gaze, the bronzerider feeling their separation keenly. He watched Shmee closely, watched the play of emotions and knew she was fighting back tears. S'rei looked away, swallowing. Laurie had been right after all, hadn't she? Right about everything. It hadn't been casual for him, and much as the very thought of him using her distressed Shmee, the truth was she didn't care for him. Not like that. Why else would she kiss him so tenderly only to pull away and refuse to meet his gaze?

Her words didn't quite sink in right away. When they did, he was almost afraid to believe her, but, despite himself, his eyes wandered back over to hers, just as she whispered again what he'd thought he'd heard but didn't dare believe his own ears, her eyes opening upon him. She seemed a mere step away from breaking down and weeping again. His hands still on her waist - he'd forgotten them somewhere in the emotional storm - S'rei pulled Shmee against him, one hand rubbing her back as he just held her and got over the shock of hearing those words returned. She'd sounded so surprised, as she said them, such that he knew they must be the truth, at least insofar as she understood it.

Lowering his head, he whispered the only words he could think of right now. "I'm glad." Then he was pushing her back just far enough to claim her lips, the kiss slow and deep, questioning almost. What did she want of him? He'd been such an idiot all day. Who would have thought that his truest self would come out when he was half-asleep and hardly aware of himself? Some of the problem was the fact that Flights always made a person more emotional, and C'leon's intervention had shaken him. Somehow Shmee had managed to forgive him for all of the confusion and hurt he'd caused her. Shards, he'd kill the man who pained her this deeply, and yet he'd managed to do it himself.

The kiss broke. Letting his forehead rest against hers, S'rei uttered, quietly, "I'm sorry, Shmee. So sorry."

Salenth basked in the glow of his weyrmate, content to be close to the younger, larger queen. He felt oddly protected. It was a strange feeling, for one so dominant as Salenth, but it didn't bother him like he would have thought. Not at all. Only then did the bronze remember a similar time when she'd encircled him, as he'd sat by helplessly while S'rei battled death. He let his snout rest across hers, eyes closing. Very nice, the bronze rumbled happily. Who could have imagined that Salenth would have found a female like Aslath, whom he would love simply to be near and allow to comfort him.

Sensing his rider's peace, his head came up for a brief moment. It seems they just needed some time. There was relief in his mind-tone. Much as he didn't want to admit it, he'd been worried for a moment. Aslath was dear to him, as no other dragon was. But the truth remained that, should Shmee and S'rei truly been alienated from each other beyond redemption, Salenth would have gone with his first love. And that would have saddened him.

[Administrator]

His hands at her waist felt good, she realized distantly. They were comforting. Shmee wasn't sure why they were comforting, but they just were. Moving her own hands to his hair, she let her forehead rest against his tiredly. Her eyes ached still, and she was exhausted. She closed her eyes as S'rei pulled her to him, his warmth more welcome than ever before. She trembled slightly, though not because she was upset. In fact, she wasn't sure why she was trembling. Nestling against him, she was washed over by a wave of relief. He wasn't going to leave her.

Only now did the tears finally leave her vision, leaving her with a clear view of S'rei as she opened her eyes. Deeply, yet gently, she returned the kiss, relieved that this kiss wasn't a kiss for bodily satisfaction. This was a real kiss, and Shmee returned it as such. Her fingers toyed with his hair, almost in disbelieving sort of way. Her ragged breathing as she kissed him was out of exhaustion, and when the kiss ended, she paused for a moment to catch her breath, ignoring the dry streaks on her face that were old tears. She closed her eyes again as their foreheads rested together, her arms falling limply around his neck.

Frowning ever-so-slightly at his words, she moved an arm back and placed two fingers at his lips. "Shh," she told him, her voice sounding slightly grainy. "Don't say it. I don't understand, I probably won't, but for now, I'm just tired. I don't want to think about fighting right now. Just don't leave." That last sentence ended on a plaintive note, and Shmee opened her eyes, a plea written in them. Curling up against him, she rested there a moment. She had wanted to bathe, but now, she wasn't sure if she had the energy to. She simply wanted to be with S'rei for now.

It was strange to imagine this feeling towards S'rei was love- she had always thought it was something her mother always told her in stories, where a handsome holder came to sweep you off your feet. She never expected the words to be uttered after a fight with a dragonrider. She had always imagined something more romantic, and the current state of things was far from it. Nevertheless, it was out in the open now. She loved him. And he loved her.

It seemed she wasn't the only one who was relieved and in love. Aslath watched over Salenth fondly. I am relieved. We can still be together,[/color] Aslath told him, nuzzling him gently. It wasn't just a bronze she was doting on; he was the father of her first clutch, the one who had managed to get himself around Morsrath to catch her. Crooning in adoration, she situated herself over him, cuddling him even as she acted as a guardian for him. Let's sleep now?[/color] she asked with a croon.

((and then the posts started getting shorter... xD *had no muse for that post*))[/size]

[Requiem]

Her fingers silenced him. He wasn't entirely sure he wanted to say anything more anyway, though, and was more than content to let things lay where they may. At least she wasn't demanding he leave anymore. S'rei said nothing at her plea, simply wrapping his arms around the woman and letting that be his answer. He didn't have trouble with words until it came to these private talks with women. Yes, at least he could hold her. That was not beyond him.

After a long moment he gathered the light woman into his arms, standing and moving to place her down on the bed. S'rei slid in next to her, slipping an arm beneath Shmee as he settled her head against his neck. It was comfortable. The emotional day was leaving him rather drained and, if anything, the Weyrwoman seemed even more exhausted than he. Content simply to hold this woman-child, S'rei sighed, brushing her forehead lightly with his lips. "As my lady commands," he murmured, not exactly sure himself whether this was a response to her request for him not to bring up the matter of Sage again, a response to her plea that remain with her, or both.

How did Aslath know his mind? Though, really, it was obvious that his loyalty must be with his bonded, no matter how often he'd balked against the man recently. S'rei hadn't truly been like himself since Shmee came into the picture. Still, he supposed S'rei had seemed strange with Sage, also, but that was too long ago to remember clearly, and not all that important. Especially now. It certainly was a bit odd, though, to feel so small in comparison to his weyrmate. The other gold had been about his size - from another of those odd clutches that never turned out quite right. Salenth found that he actually liked the sense of security Aslath lent him - though there was no doubt in his mind that he wouldn't be allowing a queen to protect him in reality. That was his job. A bronze lived to protect the queens, the weyr, and the weyr's territory.

Yes. Let us sleep.