Post by marissa on Jul 17, 2008 11:22:17 GMT -5
Why had she wanted a green? Well, it was obvious now that a queen wasn’t going to go to her, but really. Couldn’t she have wished, hoped, dreamed, as other girls did? She had told him only a few moments earlier that she knew she wasn’t cut out for it. Well, that was true. She wasn’t cut out for a gold. A gold would eventually give her the Junior Weyrwoman position, and Raen knew that she would never be good for that position. She was not a leader. She was a shy little girl that refused to grow up, even as she was learning that, no matter how many obstacles she tried to put in her way, she would be forced to grow up sometime.
It was a simple fact of life, even if she was just finding that out now.
If she had hoped, wished, dreamed for a gold, and then not gotten it, she might have very well been crushed. To pieces. She didn’t impress a green, alright, but there were plenty of those, every hatching. There were plenty of other chances for her green, as Mutasim was saying, to find her. But a gold came once every few turns. And if she wanted a gold, thought herself destined for a gold, then she would be crushed knowing that one of her only chances had slipped by. So it was better knowing that she wouldn’t get a gold. It was as simple as that.
But why did she want a green? They were lovely creatures, they were playful, and they would probably understand her better than a demanding gold could. Some were silly, yes, but surely there were practical ones. And the thought, the fantasy that had developed as soon as she came to the weyr, of her on the back a green, who was spurting flame and searing Thread…that green, in her fantasy, couldn’t be replaced with one of any other color. And if it was a gold, especially, then it would have to be a completely different picture. A green was the only one that fit.
He’d never seen anyone be passed over twice? Raen raised her eyebrows. However, she couldn’t voice her objection to this, as Mutasim continued to talk. Her green would hopefully be out there. If not, well, she could always travel back to Hyphen, or even Lighttower. Go back to her father, or Cook, or maybe both. Family was always a nice thing, and she still had friends back there. The Weyrwoman could find another apprentice easily, and it wasn’t as if there was anything else tying her to Selenitas. With a shake of her head, she focused back on Mutasim. “You’re right,” she told him quietly. Well, wasn’t she always speaking quietly? Why would she change it just to agree with him? “And I know that. Excuse me, I was only being selfish.” She shook her head again, not meeting his eyes for a few moments, until he spoke again.
Whichever chose him? Meaning that he had no preference? A knit furrowed in between her brows. Surely that couldn’t be true. He had to have some inkling of a fantasy. Even if he didn’t impress that exact shade of dragon, surely he had hopes of what he would want. “You don’t have any idea? None at all?” Really. She had explained to him her reasoning, so didn’t she deserve such in return? Probably not. But still! She wanted to know, for some reason, if he wanted to be a Wingleader or Wingsecond, if he wanted to fly rapidly or steadily. His next statement, however, surprised her.
She wasn’t the only one?
Of course, his reasonings were most likely completely different from her own. That was expected, considering they were two completely different people, with different views, ideas, hopes, and dreams. Still, she gaped at him for a moment, her jaw going slack in a position that she hoped to never replicate again. Upon regaining her composure, she leaned back in her chair again. “Sorry…I was just surprised. I didn’t realize anyone except for me felt that way.” Well, if he wouldn’t explain himself, then neither would she.
Z’hin? “No, sorry.” She was still fairly-new to the weyr, and didn’t talk much. That left her without a lot of knowledge on other people, whether alive or not. She listened to his partial-story, wanting to know the details, but not wanting to ask him. In the end, she settled for keeping her mouth shut about it. Instead, she voiced yet another question: about Mutasim. “You’ve been here for two Turns? And you’re not Selenitas-bred?” Shells. Most candidates Searched from other places certainly did not stay Candidates for two Turns. Although, whether or not he had been Searched for Selenitas was still up in the air. She shrugged for no apparent reason as he took another long drink of wine.
It was a simple fact of life, even if she was just finding that out now.
If she had hoped, wished, dreamed for a gold, and then not gotten it, she might have very well been crushed. To pieces. She didn’t impress a green, alright, but there were plenty of those, every hatching. There were plenty of other chances for her green, as Mutasim was saying, to find her. But a gold came once every few turns. And if she wanted a gold, thought herself destined for a gold, then she would be crushed knowing that one of her only chances had slipped by. So it was better knowing that she wouldn’t get a gold. It was as simple as that.
But why did she want a green? They were lovely creatures, they were playful, and they would probably understand her better than a demanding gold could. Some were silly, yes, but surely there were practical ones. And the thought, the fantasy that had developed as soon as she came to the weyr, of her on the back a green, who was spurting flame and searing Thread…that green, in her fantasy, couldn’t be replaced with one of any other color. And if it was a gold, especially, then it would have to be a completely different picture. A green was the only one that fit.
He’d never seen anyone be passed over twice? Raen raised her eyebrows. However, she couldn’t voice her objection to this, as Mutasim continued to talk. Her green would hopefully be out there. If not, well, she could always travel back to Hyphen, or even Lighttower. Go back to her father, or Cook, or maybe both. Family was always a nice thing, and she still had friends back there. The Weyrwoman could find another apprentice easily, and it wasn’t as if there was anything else tying her to Selenitas. With a shake of her head, she focused back on Mutasim. “You’re right,” she told him quietly. Well, wasn’t she always speaking quietly? Why would she change it just to agree with him? “And I know that. Excuse me, I was only being selfish.” She shook her head again, not meeting his eyes for a few moments, until he spoke again.
Whichever chose him? Meaning that he had no preference? A knit furrowed in between her brows. Surely that couldn’t be true. He had to have some inkling of a fantasy. Even if he didn’t impress that exact shade of dragon, surely he had hopes of what he would want. “You don’t have any idea? None at all?” Really. She had explained to him her reasoning, so didn’t she deserve such in return? Probably not. But still! She wanted to know, for some reason, if he wanted to be a Wingleader or Wingsecond, if he wanted to fly rapidly or steadily. His next statement, however, surprised her.
She wasn’t the only one?
Of course, his reasonings were most likely completely different from her own. That was expected, considering they were two completely different people, with different views, ideas, hopes, and dreams. Still, she gaped at him for a moment, her jaw going slack in a position that she hoped to never replicate again. Upon regaining her composure, she leaned back in her chair again. “Sorry…I was just surprised. I didn’t realize anyone except for me felt that way.” Well, if he wouldn’t explain himself, then neither would she.
Z’hin? “No, sorry.” She was still fairly-new to the weyr, and didn’t talk much. That left her without a lot of knowledge on other people, whether alive or not. She listened to his partial-story, wanting to know the details, but not wanting to ask him. In the end, she settled for keeping her mouth shut about it. Instead, she voiced yet another question: about Mutasim. “You’ve been here for two Turns? And you’re not Selenitas-bred?” Shells. Most candidates Searched from other places certainly did not stay Candidates for two Turns. Although, whether or not he had been Searched for Selenitas was still up in the air. She shrugged for no apparent reason as he took another long drink of wine.