Clouds full of stars cover the sky (Tags Req)

[Requiem]

And...silence. She didn't pull away as he'd half-expected her to, but that might not mean a thing. Elysia seemed frozen. Dem. He closed his eyes at the sound of the name that only she called him. The emotions he heard behind the single syllable made it singularly unnecessary to look at her. Dmitri knew it wouldn't end with just those words. Couldn't. She wouldn't be Elysia if she didn't fight him on it, and he'd dreaded this discussion. Tried to think of any way he could avoid it. Any way he could change what he knew to be true.

Her words hurt. Elysia was partially right, after all. And he knew how it must seem, when he'd told her she was forgiven. It hurt worse that he couldn't concede her point. This was one battle that Els didn't have a chance to win. No one won this one. The boy finally looked at the woman clinging so tightly to him, as if she could hold onto something intangible by grasping him so desperately.

"I never promised you a chance," he told her, gently. It was the truth. "I know I led you on, and I can't begin to apologize enough for that. It's true that I can't know for certain unless we try..." The bluehandler wanted to touch her. But there were many dangers in doing so. This was difficult enough and he wasn't sure he'd have the strength to continue. "But the only thing that's changed since the first night you came here is that the anger I used to hide behind is gone. Elysia...I'm trying to do the right thing."

If it was just his own misery, he probably would have anyway. Stayed with her. Lived with the emptiness and put on a show every day. Harpers could be good actors when they wanted to be. But it wasn't as simple as that. She could be doing something perfectly innocent, and his distrust would make him question her. Attack her when she denied it. Maybe he'd back off, maybe he'd control himself the first few times. The first hundred. If she lied to him again, though, he'd destroy her. This he knew. And all of it would make him resent her eventually. Elysia didn't deserve any of that.

If he'd still loved her...he could have endured the distrust and even the lies. Her life, at least, would be good. But he didn't love her anymore. That love had faltered under the strain of her betrayal and broke when she made it clear that she didn't care for him enough to even try to be honest with him. When she fell back on the excuse that it was just how she was. He couldn't control himself forever. It was unfair to ask him to. Besides...she deserved someone who could love her and wouldn't hurt her.

Dmitri allowed himself the luxury of touching her. His hand found her cheek. "Let me go, Els. I don't want to hurt you at all...but I can't avoid that. Let me go so you can find someone who will love you. Who can. I...can't anymore."

[Rei]

The way in which Dmitri’s eyes closed, the fact that he still didn’t look at her even though she was still speaking upset Elysia. But it was hard not to understand in part why he did it. Because a small part of her was also coming to the realization of why he couldn’t. Because he was going to fight her on this. The realization hit her, ran through her veins cold like ice. Still the greenrider kept her tight grip, still refusing to let the handler go. No. She couldn’t let him go. She wouldn’t. Her eyes started to gain a glassy quality despite her best attempts to prevent such.

When those blue grey eyes finally returned to her face Elysia fixed her gaze on the handler’s. But what she saw caused her chest to tighten painfully. The emotion in those expressive eyes of his was impossible to fight. Dmitri’s soft words caused a tremble to run through her frame. No he never had promised. Not really, but nor did he ever tell her he wouldn’t. There was still hope there. Had been until this moment. This moment when he was taking it all away from her. Dousing that spark that had kept her coming back for months. Kept her…sane. If no one else cared for her then she at least always had him. If no one else could love her it didn’t matter because all that mattered was that he could. Shaking her head violently as the words continued a few tears slipped down her cheeks. No. No. No. It repeated in the greenrider’s head. But it didn’t change anything. Not one thing. “No. You aren’t doing the right thing. This can’t be right.” The pain in Elysia’s tone was clear. There was nothing for her to hide behind.

It wasn’t true. Dmitri cared for her. Accepted her when no one else would. When not even her father would. Her heart felt like it was shattering. Oh it had broken before. Every time R’sia had found a new way to crush her. But this. This was different. This pain was new, and it was frightening in it’s intensity. Impossible to avoid, to fight, she had no defense against something that she had never felt before.

Then the handler’s hand found her cheek and the greenrider raised her head. Leaned her head into that simple contact. Looking into his eyes and struggling to see him through the tears her voice broke. “I can’t. I can’t let you go. How can you…ask me to do that?” Her hands balled up the fabric of his shirt as Elysia clutched Dmitri tighter. Fighting a battle she knew she had already lost but couldn’t seem to let go. “No…there isn’t anyone else. How can there be? You…no one else could. I don’t want anyone else.”

Her voice had gained an almost desperate quality. And the handler was wrong there wasn’t anyone else who could love her. Couldn’t be. Because she was unlovable. R’sia had displayed that fact, forced her to understand it. Elysia had believed him. But she had thought that perhaps Dmitri could love her. Gave the handler that chance. Believed in him. Knew he understood her, knew that he had saved her when no one else bothered to even try and find her. So why? How could she have been so wrong?

“Why Dem? Why can’t you?”

[Requiem]

Tearing him up all over again. Only worse. Before it had just been the certain knowledge, but now she was right in front of him, crying. He'd do anything to fix it so he didn't have to see her cry again. But there wasn't anything he could do. If not now, then later. Still, his arms went around her, and though they didn't clutch her so close as she clung to him, they still were tight. He could never make up for this. Never make it right. Never give her what she needed. All he could do...was hope someone else could.

"I...because it's gone." The words came out helplessly. Dmitri didn't know how to explain it, barely understood it himself. You can't decide who you love. And you can't decide not to love them anymore. He had no control over it...hadn't even known what it was until it was gone. "I loved you. Even when you..." And he couldn't finish it. Dmitri had no tears to match Elysia's. They were locked away, stinging behind his eyes, but his throat was too tight to speak. He swallowed. The handler had to tell her, because she'd asked and because holding it inside to wrestle with alone...he couldn't do that forever.

It took him another long moment to get the control back to say it. "Even when I left. When I found you again in your weyr. But something broke and now it's gone." Sometime between when he'd entered and left that room. And the long period of silence squelched what little life remained in it. Dmitri was weak. He knew he was. Too weak, it seemed, to handle the certainty that he wasn't worth it. Not again. Now...even if he was wrong then - and it was very possible he was - he couldn't bring it back to life. He'd tried. And tried.

"I don't know why, Els. I don't. I've been trying to find that part of myself for months." The tears that wouldn't come stayed locked away, except for one sliding down one cheek. "There's nothing there," he whispered. In the end he wasn't good enough. Not to be with Els. His hands curled around her arms. "It's not true. Everything your father said. If people could see you as I did there would be others who'd love you."

[Rei]

When his arms tightened around Elysia that fragile control she had, that tiny little bit of strength, broke. She knew it was weak. Hated that she was doing it. But there wasn’t anything left to stop it. The tears ran down her face as she pressed into Dmitri trembling. The words he spoke, the helpless and hollow tone to them only sped the breakdown. Made it unavoidable. It had been a long time since the woman had cried. Really cried. Not for turns and turns. She knew once it really began there would be nothing she could do to stop it. So the greenrider clung to anything she could to keep herself from slipping down that dark and terrible void. Anything to keep her from totally immersing herself into that pain.

But the harper’s voice didn’t stop and his next words destroyed any attempt at control she had left. Loved her…He had loved her. When. Why hadn’t he said it? Why hadn’t he told her? If she had known…. The silence that Dmitri left was filled with the sound of her broken sobs. Quiet at first and then she gave up on trying not to breakdown in front of him. Because it didn’t matter anymore. None of it. Elysia couldn’t stop it. Wanted to but found herself lacking the strength. She couldn’t look at the handler. Couldn’t face what she knew she would find in his eyes. Not yet. Maybe not ever. It would kill her. If she wasn’t already dying already. Because some part of her felt as if it was dying. Slowly fading into that pain filled void.

Despite her sobs she could still hear Dmitri. Perhaps partly because the greenrider was clinging to him so tightly. Every word that he uttered seemed to come across with perfect clarity and through Elysia shook her head denying it, in her heart she knew the words he uttered where true. Simply because he had never lied to her. She may have lied to him. Out of senseless fear and uncertainly. But the handler had never once lied to her. So although every fiber of the woman wanted to deny his words, label them as false, she couldn’t. It was impossible. That very thought killed whatever hope she had left and left behind only that hollow pain filled void. The one she could never escape.

They where, almost in a sense, ironic. The words he next spoke. R’sia. Her father. Elysia hadn’t uttered her thoughts out loud. But still Dmitri understood. Like he always had. Knew what she was thinking as always. Trying, even now, to help her. Pull her back from that void. Help her when he was also hurting her. Worse than anyone perhaps had. The pain she was feeling now was caused by him and yet despite it all she couldn’t blame him. Couldn't blame him because she loved Dmitri. Loved him even now when he was tearing her into a thousand pieces. Somehow she found her voice. Was able to break through the sobs. It was difficult but somehow Elysia managed.

“No…..you’re wrong… No one else will see. They don’t….deserve to. I…can’t. Can’t let them.” She had fought Dmitri too. From the beginning. Hadn’t allowed him to see her. The real her. But he had persisted, destroyed her defenses and found her. Learned who she really was. Loved her. The real her. And now he was killing that same person. She couldn’t live again. It hurt to much. There wasn’t anything left. Once the greenrider accepted that a stiffness came over her body. The tears had subsided but they didn’t stop, just flowed silently now. An icy calm filled Elysia. A certain hopelessness and she pulled away from Dmitri.

[Requiem]

And there it was. A terrible thing. Somewhere deep inside he'd known it was coming a long time ago. Must have. Because the only thing he could think right now was that he needed...Piden. It couldn't come close to what he was doing to Els, that inevitability that started with the arrogance to think that he could find her, bring her out and make her his. That he could be the one person who could do something that no one else could. Who knew that it would be far worse for him to succeed? What if he'd taken from someone else, someone who could be what she needed, closing off her chances forever? Needed Piden.

It was a queer sort of penance. But he couldn't feel any guilt about using the bronzehandler when the man wouldn't give a shit if he knew the reason why anyway.

Dmitri let her go. He had no right to touch her. Any comfort he offered her now would just...increase the pain. The boy trembled as he wrapped his arms around his stomach and looked away again, not wanting to see her shutting down. It didn't really matter, though. He could still see her expression before him and wondered what sort of justice a murderer deserved, when the dead couldn't escape to their rest. Worse than Piden, surely.

The handler could argue with her. He could attempt to clear that black stain away, but he knew it was pointless. Elysia wouldn't listen. He'd done what he set out to do too well and now he couldn't reverse it. Maybe...maybe later when the damage wasn't so raw she might see it. The hope was a faint one but he grasped for it anyway. Just as he'd been grasping for similar ones this whole time.

"I'm sorry." Such useless words. At least he did her the courtesy of not throwing it in her face anymore. You can't fix her, Dmitri. You never could. Maybe if you could handle her, but you couldn't. Too weak. The bluehandler almost wished she'd do something, say something, lash out in some way. But that was just a selfish wish. All it would do was maybe ease his own guilt slightly.

[Rei]

Elysia stood frozen for a few silent moments. Her eyes glassy and fixed on the horizon. A private conversation with Onyth perhaps. More feeling than words certainly and not directly to the dragon either, although the green understood. Loved her. Loved her because the dark beast had no say in the matter. Had been born to love her. Slowly, the movement almost mechanical, the greenrider drew fingertips down the hidden blade at her side. It was…scary. How clear her options were. The path Elysia knew she would take.

Selfish, but she had closed herself down enough that that selfishness didn’t matter. All that mattered was ending the pain. It was…wrong. Terribly wrong. But there was only one clear option that in her blind pain she could see. Onyth didn’t argue. Because the green was confused, upset, and at a loss for how to help her bonded. So she gave Elysia the acceptance that she wanted, craved as always. Even if part of the green was terrified to give her bonded that license. Knowing what Elysia would chose.

The greenrider’s voice was near emotionless when she finally spoke in response to Dmitri’s words. Hollow. “You have nothing to be sorry about.” It was easier to speak now. Even if Elysia’s voice still held that almost raw quality from her sobs. “I brought you something. You should still have it.” To perhaps remember her by. If he wanted it. It was meant as a turn day gift really. But it would work either way. Without waiting for a response she pulled the leather bound package from it’s place bound at her hip and pressed it into his chest, still not looking at him. If the greenrider did she knew she would lose it. Lose this icy calm she had drawn up from somewhere deep inside her. Lose that fragile hold on an option.

Without another word and keeping her eyes carefully averted she trailed fingertips down the handler’s face and drew away. But it was not towards Onyth that Elysia strode. Not back into the jungle that she melded. Instead she started to make her way towards Selenitas. Towards the fate that she had decided upon. There was no rational part to her decision. It was one made completely in the selfish desire to try and avoid this pain.

[Requiem]

He shook his head in silence. Nothing to be sorry about? This woman had no idea if she could say that. None whatsoever. The handler's eyes found her face again, even though it pained him to look at her with her face so...dead. Dmitri didn't understand. That comprehension didn't come even when she pressed the package against his chest. His hands came up to grasp blindly at it. Elysia came bearing gifts. He'd given her a kiss to another woman and...this. The handler's shoulders drew inward in an almost defensive posture.

There was something wrong about her words. That small voice nagged at him, and some of his frozenness thawed as her fingers trailed along his face. Elysia wasn't looking at him. It was a goodbye. Dmitri swallowed on a tight throat. He could accept that. Should accept it. Though he still cared about her enough to be a friend to her, to try to protect her, why should she want to be around the one who'd hurt her as much as her father had? Maybe that was what was so hard to accept. Good intentions meant nothing with results like these. No, he would accept that, if it would ease the pain any.

That was when he realized that Elysia was heading the wrong direction.

The handler pivoted, the package he still held to his chest forgotten. He'd never really seen it anyway. "Elysia?" Then Dmitri found his voice. "Elysia! Where are you going?" The harper walked toward her, attempted to catch her arm. It was a question he hardly had to ask. He'd always understood her, hadn't he? In any way that mattered. What right did he have to tell her that she had to go back to the wretched existence she'd hated - without fully knowing how much she loathed it - after she'd tasted what life could be like? None. He had no right at all.

Yet it didn't stop him. Not that, nor the rationale that she could end the pain that he couldn't for her. Maybe it was selfishness on his part. He'd like to think it wasn't. Part of him insisted that she could have that life again. Better than that. If she'd just allow it. There was nothing unloveable about Elysia, only the mask she projected. If only she'd take it down. Yes, that was the hope he clung to. But the truth was he probably just couldn't let her do this knowing that he was the cause.

It was hard to face your own selfishness.

"Please. What of Onyth?" A desperation was beginning to take hold of him. One that suggested all manner of things, including lying to her. He could find some way to control himself, surely. Probably. Maybe. Some way not to destroy her. Did it matter if the love wasn't real, so long as she believed it was? Dmitri could deceive her for a long time. Maybe she'd never know the difference.

Fortunately, he pushed that aside before the idea could gain too much strength. As much as he'd hurt her now, that would be infinitely worse. "I'm not going to let you." There was a steel behind the words that he didn't quite feel. Could he really stop Elysia?

[Rei]

Elysia had thought she had frozen herself enough to make any attempt to change her decision pointless. Believed that she had the strength to carry it out no matter what. Onyth was still there, pressing acceptance and loving pointless reassurance on her mind, but it was if the dragon was doing so through some dense fog. Step by step the greenrider kept moving. Forward towards Selenitas and the promise of an end to her pain. It was Dmitri’s voice that broke that ice the tiniest bit. As always.

The uncertainty in his tone as the handler first uttered her name caused a tiny bit of uncertainty in her as well. But Elysia battled against that uncertainty. Seeking again to immerse herself in that clarity she had found only moments before. No. This was right. It was the only option she had for escape. He knew it too. She knew he did. And yet…he still sought to stop her. But it wouldn’t matter. He couldn’t. Not this time.

The greenrider hadn’t been far enough away to prevent his grab at her arm. Thus it stopped Elysia for the merest moment. Stiffening against his grip the woman stayed silent. She didn’t have to answer Dmitri. He already knew what she was doing. Understood it. He didn’t have to say it for her to know that. The almost desperate and scared edge to the handler’s tone though was hard to hear. The feeling of his tight and almost desperate grip on her arm was like an anchor. With a quick and sudden movement Elysia broke that hold he had on her and continued forward. Saying nothing. Betraying nothing. Struggling to keep steadfast to her decision.

“Onyth understands. She always has.” The words were dead, hollow, offered almost automatically. Still the greenrider refused to meet Dmitri’s gaze, keeping her own fixed just beyond him. Stepping forward the woman pivoted around him only to find the handler suddenly in front of her again. This time his words caused her eyes to lift, dark eyes just barely meeting his own. The hollowness held. If only barely. There was a weakness to his attempt to stop her. Elysia sensed it.

“You have no choice.” The words were firm and she sought to push past him and continue. He needed to stop. Accept it. She already had. “Goodbye Dmitri.” Those last words were uttered in a tone of finality even if they also contained an feeling of helplessness. What other option did she have? None she could see.

[Requiem]

What could he do? Of course he could stop her physically. If not him, then Dmisk. But then what would he do? Tie her up somewhere? Send her back to Burimyu alone where she could do...anything? It seemed hopeless. But he wasn't ready to give up or accept it, and so he searched his mind for something, anything that might delay her at least long enough to find some sort of solution. Dmitri was done with thinking about what was right. He simply needed to stop her.

Then she was pushing past him. Dropping the package she'd given him, the bluehandler clung to her, folded his arms around her tight enough that he knew she wouldn't be able to lift her arms. Of course it wouldn't stop her if she really wanted to leave. Not this. If Elysia really wanted to go she could hurt him and leave. There was the dagger at her side and other ways. He just...had to try something.

"I understand. You'll be killing her whether she understands or not." This was the only play he really had left. Dmitri couldn't have her on his conscience, too, not more than he already did. And...he did care about her. Even if he couldn't love her or be what she needed. What she wanted. "There are better ways to get back at me," he added quietly.

No, he knew that wasn't what was driving her. But maybe the words would anger her enough to snap her out of this, get her feeling again. Or maybe she'd understand the message imbedded in them. It didn't matter. He was grasping at straws, hoping that there was something there to grasp at. She might not care at all. Dmitri hoped otherwise.

[Rei]

Elysia was unprepared for the suddenness of his movement. Had she seen it coming she would certainly have tried to avoid it. But in the end she ended up trapped. Trapped in his embrace. Although there were ways to escape. Clear ways to free herself. They flashed through her mind one at a time in that rapid way all fighters were used to. However the greenrider did love Dmitri. That was what saved him in the end. Even now with him clearly standing in the path of an end to her pain she couldn’t do it. Couldn’t hurt him to stop her pain. Not even now, after all this.

Eyes slipped closed in response to the handler’s words. The hold Elysia had on that icy emotionless certainty slipping rapidly from her. Then the handler continued. Better ways to get back at him. The sudden rush of emotion those words inspired shattered the last of her resolve. Left the greenrider with nothing. Again no path. Sagging against him she gave a sudden gasp. Her hands fisted at her sides. “You know that’s not why I’m doing this. If you believe that you’re a fool.” But the ice had left her tone, leaving it merely feeling weary, resigned. Dmitri wouldn’t let her go. He would use anything at his disposal to belay her. Guilt, attempts at anger, anything. Elysia understood that, was forced to accept it, and now with that icy resolve gone she had nothing with which to fight back.

She had thought there would be no tears left in her and yet a few managed to follow a, by now familiar, trail down her face anyway. She knew this had scared him. Hurt him. For some reason she couldn’t quite grasp. Dmitri didn’t love her. Not anymore. So why should he care? “Why? Why can’t you let me go?” The words where whispered. Painful to utter. “I can’t do this. I can’t. I’m afraid.” Terrified really. Terrified of this pain. Elysia didn’t want to be alone again. Didn’t want to go back to what was before. Not when she had finally started to become who she really was. But there was no other option now. She was trapped. Trapped being Elysia again. When all she wanted to be was Els.

“I’ll be alone.” There would be Onyth. There would always be Onyth. But that wasn’t what she meant.

[Requiem]

He said nothing. Elysia was right, of course. He did know. It didn't make sense to him. On one level it did. Dmitri knew how much she'd hated the way things were before. Facing that again couldn't be easy. He...understood it better now than he had before, though he'd always understood the desire to be wanted. Understood why she went looking for acceptance in the arms of strangers. It was a superficial sort of wanting, but it was easier to get than the real thing. And you didn't have to risk anything for it.

Dmitri exhaled slowly. The greenrider had understood at least part of what he'd said, then. "No." He loosened his grip on her a little, recognizing that she was back. The bluehandler rested his chin on the top of her head. "You may never want to see me again, but it's not like it was. I'll be here if you need me. That's...never going to change. I know it's not the same, but it's something."

Dmitri stepped back a step. He didn't want to see her face, but he had to know. His eyes met hers, searching them for something. "I know you're scared." The boy bit his lip. "You're thinking that this was your only chance. And it went so wrong. Everyone who has actually seen you has loved you, Elysia. That's the truth. I know it's scary. But I truly believe that if you let others see you'll find someone much better than I am. When you're ready to. I can't let you rob yourself of that."

It was the truth. Partially. But half-truths were not something Dmitri indulged in very often, unless the omissions fell under the province of white lies. "And I don't know what I'd do if you killed yourself over me. Elysia...I'm not worth that. I'll never be worth that." Of course, he knew that it wasn't really losing him that had spurred her to that. It was losing the dream she'd made of them together.

"It's going to be hard enough living with this without..." He didn't finish it. Dmitri simply rubbed her arms briefly and let her go.

[Rei]

No. It was easy enough for Dmitri to say that word. Of course he didn’t want to think of her alone and in pain. But it wouldn’t change the fact that Elysia would be. It was an unavoidable truth. He had loosened his grip though after that one word. Gave her back the use of her arms. Slowly they rose to encircle the harper, her hands resting lightly against his back. The greenrider stayed silent letting herself soak in the feel of his embrace, the familiar feeling of his chin on her head. Letting herself enjoy it, for perhaps the last time. The continuation of Dmitri’s words caused Elysia’s grip to tighten on his back momentarily.

A part of her expected the words. Because she knew Dmitri. Knew of his issues with abandonment. Because of that she knew he meant those words. Meant every one. He never would abandon her. Not totally. The harper would be there. If she ever needed him. But…what was worse? Never seeing him again, or eventually seeing him with someone else? Someone who managed to claim that which the greenrider herself could not have. It was a difficult thing to rationalize, think about. Elysia didn’t have an answer for either question yet. She may never in truth have that answer. However the woman did know that her feelings had not changed. She still loved the handler. Enough that she couldn’t imagine not wanting to see him at some point. Even if he didn’t love her, Dmitri still understood her. Was the only person currently on Pern who likely did. That at least wouldn’t change. Not right away.

He was stepping back. Elysia allowed it. Let the harper go, raising her eyes to meet his. It was a hard thing to do. To look at him after all this. To accept that she wouldn’t ever see that look in his eyes again. His words where accepted for what they where. He had given her an answer as to why. One that, in part, made little sense. But it made sense to Dmitri and that was all that mattered. He knew though. Had to know somewhere that she wouldn’t. Elysia could no more take down her masks and walls and let them see then she could separate herself from Onyth. The harper had only seen because he had been stubborn, persistent, and more lenient than anyone else with a right mind would be. Everyone who has ever seen her has loved her. In a sense that was true, because only he had seen her and he had admitted to, at a time, loving her. But still the greenrider was having trouble grasping that, understanding it. Better than him…impossible.

Dark eyes stayed fixed on his face. Elysia couldn’t blame Dmitri. Couldn’t blame him for clinging to his hope. So she let him. Let him have that to perhaps give him some respite from the pain she knew he also must be feeling. Her hand rose to again lay gently alongside his face as he rubbed her arms. “I’m sorry Dem. I didn’t….wasn’t thinking.” It was the truth, at the time the greenrider was blind. Wanting only to end the pain. She hadn’t thought about what it would do to him and now, knowing what it would do, she couldn’t. Couldn’t destroy Dmitri too. Her hand slipped away then, falling from his face. Elysia had no direction, no escape, and she was tired. So dead tired. “Life’s never easy.” The almost muttered words where accompanied by a tired shake of her head. Now what? She was at a loss as to what to do next.

A complete and total loss.

[Requiem]

Dmitri knew that he should say or do something here. But nothing came to mind. There was just the lingering uncertainty... On an instinctive level he knew it was wrong to let her end things the way she'd wanted to. Rationally, though, he couldn't help but think he was just hurting her more. It wasn't his decision to make. Burdening her with the guilt of how it would effect him wasn't right, either, but he knew it would stop her. Because she loved him when he didn't deserve it.

Feeling dirty. He dipped his chin into her palm. "You don't have to apologize," he murmured, finally. Enough of the preaching. Dmitri was only trying to justify himself anyway. It wasn't helping, not as long as she believed what she'd always believed. A belief he was reaffirming. "Elysia..." This wasn't going to do them any good, was it? Normally Dmitri would say something suitably caustic here, a joke meant to lighten the mood. But he had none.

"You should stay here tonight." Didn't trust her Betweening in the state she was in. The Weyr was large, with room for another third of the dragonriders who currently occupied it. One of those abandoned, old sections should be able to conceal her for a night and a day, until she could go back safely. It crossed his mind that he should probably stay with her, but...no. There couldn't be much comfort in his presence. It would probably be counterproductive, anyway.

And...maybe it was too painful for him, too.

Bending down, he picked up the package, pocketed it. The harper turned her gently, began walking toward Selenitas, his hand at the small of her back. "You can bathe, rest. Go back tomorrow night. Do you want me to leave you some food?" There wouldn't be a safe way for her to get any here. No, he should just bring her some anyway. A fresh change of clothes. Might as well drop off all the things he'd recovered from her weyr when she left, actually. Or at least most of them.

[Rei]

Elysia fought against the desire to argue with Dmitri. Of course she needed to apologize. But in the end it didn’t matter. There was no point in fighting him on it. They both knew. Understood. As they always had. They where both suffering and there was nothing either could do about it. It simply was. At the sound of her name the greenrider’s gaze snapped back up to the handler. Stay here tonight…she should just go back.

But Elysia knew. Somehow knew that if she attempted to between in such a state that they wouldn’t make it back. She was far to tired. Emotionally and physically. Onyth knew it too. The green was pressing her to accept. Please. Do as he says. The greenrider gave a small mental nod. Yes she would allow the handler to hide her. If she didn’t, what he had been trying to prevent would likely come true anyway. There could be no death tonight.

Onyth pressed reassurance against her bonded and then brushed briefly against Dmitri’s mind in turn. The green disliked the boy. Even more so now than before. However…hurting him was hurting hers and so she refrained, instead pressing two simple words into his mind her tone reluctantly grateful. Thank you.

Elysia watched as Dmitri pocketed his gift. She had almost forgotten about it. Hoped he would keep it. Even after this. Allowing the hand he placed at her back to guide her she followed the hander. Trusting him to care for her as he always had. The greenrider was exhausted enough that his offer was actually reassuring. Sleep sounded good, if it would come, even if she didn’t think she could stomach food. She knew he'd bring it anyway. Elysia had the whole day to agonize over things tomorrow. Time to think before night fell again. To much time. Still even so she allowed herself to take some comfort in Dmitri’s presence. The realization that what the handler said was true. He would always be there…someway, somehow, and to some extent.

{End Thread}