Reaching for a Torch Pass (M'ta)

[Aftershock]

Lilu stood outside M'ta's office for a moment, her posture tight and professional as always. The last time she had been in this same place, she had just Impressed Venideth, and had regained her memories of her time as a brownrider for Benden Weyr, and was attempting to gain permission to bypass yet another round of weyrling training. Her bid had failed, and now here she was, a graduate of weyrling training twice over, standing yet again outside the office of Weyrlingmaster M'ta.

This time, however, she was here for a very different reason. She understood that M'ta had been Weyrlingmaster for a long while, and so obviously something caused those in charge to see him as a good choice to continue the training of the new dragonriders who Impressed every hatching to join the ranks of those who battled Thread and kept the lands safe. It was an important job... a job Lilu thought she would be perfect for. So far, however, her attempts to gain support of Weyr leadership in her bid to gain the position had failed, so she decided to go to the source... the current owner of the very position she vied for.

Taking a deep breath, she moved forward and knocked firmly on the door, waiting for a response before entering the room and taking position in front of M'ta's desk once again.

[Requiem]

The soft croon from Sneak was a constant backdrop to the silent room, the tiger-hued brown sure to be touching His as usual. M'ta largely ignored the tail encircled around his wrist as he worked on the details of the Seniors' graduation. The Headwoman and Kaegan of course handled most of the little things, but he still liked to go over it to be sure neither of them were on fellis at the time, and there was also the matter of notifying the familes of the hold-bred. This was something that M'ta never failed to enjoy doing, those personal notifications, even though inevitably not all of the families would be that excited about it. Needless to say, between the various maps and lists and letters, his desk looked a bit like a mischievous sprite had come through and thrown everything about without an ounce of regard for what it might be.

It was such a state of disarray in which the knock found him.

"Come in," he called, not bothering to look up as he fished out yet another list he was looking for. The man had perhaps half a candlemark to plan his day of family visits before he had to go out and teach the younger class first aid. They were currently doing chores, or finding clever ways to skip them. (They had to be clever. Between the three-man team of Kaegan, the Headwoman and M'ta, it was hard to get away with slacking.) The irritation in his voice was genuine and just enough this side of subtle for only the truly oblivious not to notice it. Seemed like there were never enough candlemarks in the day when you had two classes to manage.

When he looked up from his work shortly after the student came to stand before his desk, there was no attempt to mask his surprise at seeing Lilu there. The brownrider blinked, almost offered her a seat in one of the office's non-existent chairs, realized that even if he had any chairs in here she probably wouldn't take advantage of one, and instead settled on a mild smile that managed to convey pleasure at seeing her and genuine puzzlement all at once. M'ta didn't think they'd had much contact of any sort since her graduation turns ago. Not that he could remember anyway. Most of his former students visited him again intermittently or spoke to him when their paths happened to cross, but there were always a few from every class who seemed happy to try to forget the whole experience, their Weyrlingmaster included.

He stood after setting down quill and paper. "Lilu. Good afternoon. Don't tell me you've another of my weyrlings to complain about. Who is it this time?" That was really the only reason he could think of that she might be here right now after so long.

[Aftershock]

Straightening her back, though quelling her urge to salute the man, considering he was both not in a position of authority over her beyond dragon color and his dislike of such formalities, Lilu replied curtly, "No, that is not why I have come to see you, M'ta. I have a request for you, if you would be so kind as to listen."

If M'ta either agreed, or showed no attempt to dissuade her from speaking, Lilu would continue, "I understand you have been Weyrlingmaster for many turns now. Because of this, I have come to request your endorsement in my own bid to become a Weyrlingmaster. I believe that my skills and knowledge would be invaluable in making a truly powerful next generation of dragonriders, and if you cannot endorse me, I would request that you instruct me in what you have done in order to bring yourself into the position of Weyrlingmaster, so that I may work on improving myself in those areas and become a rider who you could endorse."

Squaring her jaw, Lilu added, "I believe this is a position I would perform very well in, and that my inclusion as a Weyrlingmaster would benefit both the Weyr, and Pern as a whole. I think that the dragonriders who trained beneath me would be superior at their duties, and therefore more Thread would be destroyed with less risk to either the Holders or their fellow dragonriders."

[Requiem]

"A request...?" The brownrider did absolutely nothing to mask the mild surprise at her words, nor the curiosity. It hardly surprised him that it was business of some sort that brought her here though. Unlike the friendly, almost brotherly relationship he shared with a lot of his former students, Lilu was most definitely not a personal friend of his. Even if he was quite fond of her anyway. Despite how difficult she could be. Had been. No doubt still was.

He blinked at her opening line, nonplussed. Um, yeah? He'd taught her what, five turns ago about? And hers wasn't his first class. It may not have been for a lifetime, but it was longer than most any other Selenitas Weyrlingmaster he knew about. Endorsement. Become a Weyrlingmaster. He blinked again. Was she really asking him for her approval to replace him? The short man felt a sudden urge to glance in a mirror to see if he looked like a wizened old geezer or something...which he might well have done if he'd had a mirror in this office. Not yet thirty and people were thinking it was time he retired?

She went on to list her attributes, to make her case. M'ta just found himself rather confused by the whole thing. He didn't even necessarily disagree with her, and he knew she couldn't be criticizing him - at least not much - if she was looking for his endorsement. So he didn't take offense. She valued it for some reason if only because it might be valued by someone else. He just...didn't really get what she wanted. There was only one Weyrlingmaster at Selenitas. Had never been more except for briefly after the merge. An assistant or two maybe, but just one Weyrlingmaster.

Unless she was making a bid for Inverness? Did she want a transfer, too?

"Well..." M'ta didn't really know what to say right away. It was all a little bit surreal. And oddly reminded him of how it had been when she was a weyrling under him, too. The self-assurance that bordered on arrogance really hadn't changed much, and she was still rather odd. He couldn't say he fully understood her. "It was kind of...political...when they put Behruth and myself in the position in the first place. He couldn't really fly a wing. Still can't. And I suppose Wasteland found it useful to have a Selenitas rider as Weyrlingmaster. We would've been fired if we sucked at it -" Just look at the long list of riders who had held this position at one point or another. "- but we never did anything to earn it in the first place," he concluded honestly.

Regarding her with continued curiosity for a long moment, the man made an honest attempt to answer her odd...request. Such as he could. "Normally Weyrlingmasters are either riders who have been riding wings for a long time or were assistant weyrlingmasters at one point. If you want to eventually hold the position I think your best bet would be to try to become an assistant. You aren't likely to get the leadership experience in a wing otherwise that they usually like to see."

A genuine, honest attempt to help her. Even if part of him found it unlikely that she'd work that well under a Weyrlingmaster, taking orders. Not that she didn't obey them really. There just tended to be tension. It was always pretty obvious when she didn't agree. He also wasn't sure that strict discipline and militaristic leadership was the best way to teach young people. An odd thing to some of his students, no doubt, as he was very much the stern teacher and drilled fitness into his own pupils but...there was a difference between stern and rigid.

In the end, he couldn't help himself. The question just wouldn't stay buried. "Are you trying to take my job? I don't mind helping you out or anything but...well, we like it here. And Behruth's old injuries to his wings make it so we don't really have much else we could do. I'm not ready to give this up. Probably not for a long while yet. We're not as old as you young people think," he concluded with an attempt at humor to lighten the mood.

[Aftershock]

Lilu's expression soured just a touch when M'ta spoke of not gaining the position as much out of skill as he did out of political maneuvering. "Then again," she thought to herself, "they did have multiple Weyrlingmasters simultaneously before... if I can prove myself well enough, perhaps they would be agreeable to having such a state again." Forcing her expression back to neutrality, she nodded slightly at each point he made, waiting until he was done speaking before replying.

"Well, I did not come here seeking to replace you. I was made aware of the existence of multiple Weyrlingmasters in the past, and sought to gain your approval to become your partner, not your replacement." Giving a quick affirmative nod of the head, as if agreeing with herself on an idea, she continued, "However, perhaps my best option to place myself in a position to be the best candidate for such a position would be to become an assistant Weyrlingmaster, as you suggested."

Turning on her heel, she began to pace a short distance back and forth before M'ta's desk as she continued to speak, keeping her eyes on M'ta as she did so. "It might work out quite well, in fact. I can learn from you to bolster what might be considered some of my weaknesses, such as dealing with students on a more personal, one-on-one level. In addition, despite your experience, I'm sure you could learn something from me, as well... considering the overall similarity between your overall teaching style and what teaching style I plan on utilizing, seeing the slight differences between how we would train certainly could not hurt your own ability as an instructor," she concluded, stopping her pacing and turning smartly once more to face M'ta, her hands clasped behind her back casually.

[Requiem]

Partner? His expression no doubt registered his surprise, but before he could assimilate that she'd continued on. "Lilu...I didn't ask you to become my assistant weyrlingmaster." The words were spoken gently, and if anything he looked embarrassed to have to utter them at all. "I have an assistant. If I wanted to make the position official, Merridan would have the right to it. Then, only after she turned it down, would I be free to offer it to someone else."

Merridan had been assisting him for turns. They worked well together. She didn't assist him much, but she gave him breaks when he needed it, or when his family made demands on him. Ruliana could take care of sick children of course and he trusted her to but M'ta still preferred to be there himself in situations like that. Things always came up intermittently. It had all started with that shard-blasted broken leg after the earthquake, when she had been invaluable to him. No, he wasn't about to just skip over her because a former student was being pushy. Though perhaps he should see if she wanted to make it official. Be his assistant for real. Part of him suspected she wouldn't, though...it would demand more of her time, and she loved flying a wing. She still could, of course, but her attentions would be decidedly divided.

He glanced at the paperwork half-burying his desk, idly twisting the joining ring around and around his finger. Merridan was great for covering for him if he needed it but she didn't really help him on a regular basis. Hadn't he just been thinking that two classes was a lot for one person to manage alone? His eyes returned to Lilu appraisingly. "You taught me a few things when you were a weyrling, even." Having not really benefitted from what might be considered a normal wing or real weyrling training M'ta had more or less reinvented the wheel when the position fell to him, so that wasn't a lie. Between Lilu and Caden who were both former riders before Impressing he actually had picked up a few things to incorporate into later classes.

Levering himself up to perch on the edge of his desk, he nodded to the semi-clear spot beside him even though he had no real expectation that she'd actually breach protocol and accept the invitation. Still, the fact that it was offered at all carried some meaning. "Honestly...I think assistant's best, for now. You're a great wingrider, but you're right about the social part needing work. Being personal. It's a hard balance to strike. I don't have any problem working with you if you're willing to learn and I definitely could use the help, though." He allowed himself a wry smile. "Two classes can be a lot at once. Have you discussed this with your wingleader? I'd have to get approval to take a full-time assistant, which shouldn't be hard, but your wingleader should know that you're trying to get reassigned." He also made a mental note to speak to Mer before any changes were made so she had the opportunity to change too. Merridan was too good a friend to risk hurting like that. The girl had saved his life once, after all. He didn't forget those things.

[Aftershock]

Lilu's disappointment when he spoke of only having one assistant, and that position already being filled, if not officially, leaked slightly through her professional demeanor as M'ta spoke of his partnership with Merridan, but he did not dismiss her, so she mentally pulled herself back up and stood firmly as he seemed to think further on things for a moment.

Suddenly, he complimented her abilities, and a surge of pride buoyed her spirits as he stood and sat on the front of his desk. He gestured to a somewhat blank spot beside him, and Lilu took the nod as a command to fall in next to him, striding the short distance between her position before his desk to the indicated spot and attempting to show a more relaxed posture. She leaned her bottom on the edge of the desk and crossed her arms, then uncrossed them and placed her palms on the edge of the desk beside her hips, then crossed one foot over the other, then uncrossed it... her stiffness was oddly even more pronounced as she tried to take a position of relaxation than when she stood at attention before him.

Finally settling as best she could, she listened to M'ta speak further, and her expression became confused as he seemed to offer her the position, even after saying he could not. "I... have spoken to my Wingleader, though only about my intent to seek the position, not about any success in my attempts thus far. I... are you offering me the position as your assistant? I admit I don't quite understand, sir... did you not just say that you could not offer it to me as long as Merridan held the position unofficially?"

[Requiem]

He actually did a fair job of hiding the amused smile at her awkward shifting, pleasantly surprised that she'd accepted the invitation to half-seat herself near him in the first place. It was a far cry from the stiff weyrling who had first come to him and proceeded to stand at attention, topless, in the barracks when he tried to hold a more private conversation with her about how she interacted with the other weyrlings. At the time he'd felt she'd stuck to that strict military ritualistic stuff just to make him uncomfortable or annoy him, since her arrogance and disdain radiated from every pore even as she addressed him as sir. That probably wasn't far from the truth. But even if they'd gradually worked past those initial meetings a little throughout the course of her weyrlinghood, this was the first time she'd relaxed the military posture at all in his presence. Ever.

He knew that was significant, even if he didn't quite know how or to what extent. Or why, really.

M'ta nodded his silent approval. Then no need to worry about stepping on some bronzer's toes. (Probably should know Lilu's wingleader but yeah, things changed too often around here for him to keep track of everything like that.) Then the brownrider blinked and smiled a bit self-deprecatingly. "Yeah I suppose that is confusing." M'ta took a moment to gather his thoughts. "Here's what I'm thinking: I need to get official permission to take on a permanent, full-time assistant or two. Then I'll talk to Merridan. She didn't want to help me full-time before because she loves being a wingrider and I honestly doubt that's changed, but if she does want the position it's hers. Either way as long as your wingleader's okay with it and the Weyr leadership is, you can be my assistant."

Here he offered Lilu a small smile. Then he frowned slightly. "Do you know Merridan at all? You wouldn't have an issue working with her, would you? Her dragon's brown Chaoth. She's...about your age, if I remember right. Mostly took over for me right after the earthquake when my leg was broken. She knows the curriculum and still fills in occasionally when I need it."

[Aftershock]

Lilu listened to M'ta explain the situation more clearly, and nodded her understanding, replying, "I will speak to my Wingleader as soon as the opportunity presents itself, though I see little problem with it being approved... he is aware of my talents, and my absence from Wing practices will likely do little to affect my ability to fly when the need arises." Thinking a moment, she then added, "I will likely leave seeking the permission of Wing leadership to you, since such permission involves your position more than it involves mine."

He then asked about Merridan, and Lilu's brows furrowed for a bit before she responded, "I cannot say I've spoken to the woman beyond in passing. However, I do not see there being a problem with working with her... I once personally worked one-on-one with the bluerider T'ri, and if you know him, you'll know that no one could be much worse to work with than him." Her remembrance of the extra training her Wingleader had assigned to T'ri, with her as the trainer, made her mouth twist into a grimace momentarily before her expression returned to its neutral posture.

[Requiem]

M'ta saw no problem with the plan she'd laid out, as it was the same that he was thinking of doing anyway. Her opinion of T'ri amused him, of course, though he resisted the urge to poke her in the arm teasingly. Lilu, not appreciate the wayward rider's behavior? Who would have guessed. "I hadn't heard about that," he responded finally, though his amusement was still probably fairly obvious. "He buckled down with me, but I could tell that it was mostly just to get through it so he wouldn't have to stay a weyrling forever. I doubt his issue is the training. His attitude's always been the worst of his problems. Did you have any luck?" He rather suspected he already knew the answer. Some people could only be pushed so far.

In M'ta's opinion, riders like T'ri would benefit more from being grounded and deducted pay, maybe assigned to unsavory duties, than being trained over and over. Though perhaps his desire to get out from under the eye of Lilu would be similarly strong as that to get out from beneath M'ta's eye and it would serve well enough in the long run. Sometimes it was hard to tell.

"At any rate, Merridan has a sensible head on her shoulders and is reliable. You'd probably get along just fine I think." As if M'ta was likely to allow anyone to touch his weyrlings who wasn't at least capable of running a class and teaching them well! And of course they'd have to be strict enough that the class didn't take it as a holiday from the Weyrlingmaster. "I'll get in touch with you once I have a definite answer." A pause. "I don't think I've had an actual conversation with you since you graduated. How have you been doing all this time?"

[Aftershock]

Lilu scoffed and rolled her eyes at the question, replying scornfully, "I did the best I could with him. He has talent, but no drive, no desire to excel. It was truly frustrating attempting to train him... it was like trying to build a wall when I was only given sand and mud." Shaking her head slightly, as if trying to physically shake the annoying memories loose, she added, "I apologize that you had to deal with him, as well, and for a longer period at that."

She listened to his opinion of Merridan, and nodded at his affirmation that they should get along. Then, he suddenly shifted to asking her about what she'd been up to, and she stiffened slightly... small talk was something she had never been good at. Shifting a bit uncomfortably, she finally responded, "Training, improving myself and Venideth both physically and mentally, takes up the majority of my time. I have little time or motivation to seek out much else beyond the basics of physically sustaining myself and my personal hygiene, so do not think I was personally avoiding you."

Considering she would be working closer with the brownrider soon, if everything worked out as planned, she figured it would be best to explain her lack of interaction with him since graduation and let him know it was no perceived fault in him that made her avoid him until this moment.

[Requiem]

M'ta indulged in a wry chuckle, hearing most of his own frustration with riders like T'ri in Lilu's words. It really was hard to find the right motivation to get certain people going sometimes, that was for sure. "Oh, I probably had it coming, with all the trouble I gave my own Weyrlingmaster when we were going through lessons," he admitted with clear amusement. "Unfortunately there's usually at least one like him in every class."

The weyrlingmaster blinked at Lilu's clear attempt at reassurance. He hadn't meant to make it sound like he was upset; he wasn't. She wouldn't be the first weyrling who didn't associate with him after, and she wouldn't be the last, either. It didn't change the fact that after over a turn with any particular class he inevitably gained a real (if secret) fondness for all his students, which of course included Lilu, but he really didn't expect them to want to stick around. It was nice when some did come by though. That he definitely had to admit.

"Don't worry about it, Lilu. Everyone gets busy. Weyrling training isn't usually the happiest memories people have anyway," he stated easily. If anything he was most concerned to hear that she still hadn't seemed to make any real connection with people, though maybe she had and just wasn't talking about it. Either way he didn't pry. After all...if teaching couldn't bring out something more personal in Lilu he wasn't really sure what could. It was very difficult not to get invested in kids you worked with for that long.

[Aftershock]

Lilu nodded in response, but unsure how to reply, simply lapsed into silence for a minute before finally standing up again and saying, "Well, you likely have work to get back to, and I have to speak to my Wingleader. Thank you for this opportunity, si... I mean, M'ta. I promise I will not let you down."

With that, she smartly turned and offered a slim, but strong hand, obviously thinking the meeting over and wishing to escape the awkward silence that resulted in her inability to perform small talk.

[Requiem]

His smile had taken on a reassuring sort of tone, not at all oblivious to how uncomfortable Lilu seemed to be with this type of communication. He was being as encouraging as he could to try to promote more ease between them, especially if they were going to work together. M'ta didn't feel he needed to reiterate that she was to be his assistant or try to lay down the law or anything. He knew she'd work with him cause she had back in her weyrling days when she'd more or less despised him, and that didn't seem to be the case now.

Slipping off the desk to take her hand and shake it firmly, he nodded. "I know you won't, Lilu. See you around."

[Aftershock]

Lilu returned the handshake, giving M'ta a slight smile and then breaking contact before turning sharply and leaving his office, her mission accomplished... in a way.

{{End of Thread}}