Thank you for being such a friend to me {Lotty}

[midnight]

Meagen stared at the office door. It was time to have another visit. This one would be more confusing, and interesting then all the others. Caring for a little one, tended to make someone change a little. Stupid People. Not lovemine. Stupid People. Hurt Lovemine! The Mandyr said from his permanently claimed perch on her right shoulder. She had some padding there because he liked having a soft perch. If it wasn't her shoulder, it was inside her shirt.

Anywhere he could get away from light and hide in something cool and shaded. She stroked the Mandyr and frowned for a moment. "Shhh Clingy, she has been like a mother to me. Something I've needed to heal. If I don't heal, however can I get a dragon?"she teased the Mandyr lightly. He has a slight interest in the big things, and she was hoping it would continue to happen. Stupid Bronzeman. Bite him, Ripe him! Make hurt! Make Hurt! the Mandyr hissed out, puffing up a little.

His anger slammed through her, and she had to fight back a growl. This was another problem for her, learning to block out his emotions. "Shhh, no hurt. He's not here. You are not hurting him, because I get to hurt him first." She stated. Will too! "Will not" She snapped back at Clingy. Will too! "Shut up! I have to see the MindHealer" She snapped at him as she sighed softly.

Will not, shut up bad. Will not. Want talk. You listen. How make you feel? the Mandyr said in a cryptic tone. What the shards was up with the damn thing? Faranth save her. Nope! No goldthing save!

Shard.

[Lotty]

Swoosh! The door swept open instantly and the healer fluttered her eyelashes as she heard the end of a little snippet meant for the blue shoulder decoration the girl was now sporting, "Have to? I thought by now you would have grown to like it..." she teased the girl with feigned disappointment and a hand over her chest. No, no. Rae knew that nobody wanted to visit any kind of healer because it usually meant that something was wrong, and nobody wanted that! After a well meaning smile the woman signaled the pseudo-candidate back to their usual meeting spot.

She slid over to her chair and immediately hushed Cap'n who spotted that salamandyr that the Meagan girl had now and got a greedy thought or two running through his head. Rae didn't need telepathy to know what he was thinking, it was just a shame that it was soooo sharding hot outside. She couldn't afford to let him go out there, even in the shade of the woods where he usually would hunt. No, she had taken to spending time cutting up meals for him until the heatwave subsided.

"It's been so hot outside...how have you been holding up in it?" The mindhealer liked to start with some light conversation, and hey the weather was perrrrfect for that, "I have been hiding out around the infirmary. It is cooler in here than over in my little apartment...it is something of a sauna over there," Rae gave the girl another look. Those scars were healing. That was good, but she likely wasn't going to bring that subject up. One thing at a time, and the flight incident seemed so miniscule compared to the other trauma floating around the girl like a big nebulous cloud.

[midnight]

Meagen gave the woman a genuine smile as she made the comment she did. Causing the little manyr to freak out and hide himself in Meagen's shirt. STUPID! STUPID! he exclaimed as he burrowed deeper. Meagen sighed as she stroked the hatchlings head, surprisingly she gave the woman a half arms hug. Before she took her place at her seat. Dropping down and relaxing, by splaying herself out.

"I'm doing alright. It's the hottest I've ever been around. I'll adjust. I make sure to drink as much water as I can, and keep to the shade. I avoid being out at high sun times, and get all my work done in early morning or late afternoon." She said conversationally as she slumped further in the seat. Her eyes cloesd for a moment as Clingy crawled out. He slumped over her shoulder, and turned an eye on the healer. Help mine? Flight bad. Rider Bad. He stated firmly.

Meagen sighed and smiled at the Mind Healer. "I've told him everything, been very open with him. He barely understands, but it does anger him. He knows it hurts me. I'm getting past that hurt. I've come to understand that none of it was my fault. I also know that I shouldn't fear the males around me. They are not D'mian, and they won't hurt me. Selenitas is not Benden. " She said gently as she looked at the older woman. There was definitely something different with Meagen.

She held herself differently, even though she was slumping. There was a change in how her eyes look. Not as haunted as they used to be, they were... hopeful. She was definitely on the road of healing.

[Lotty]

"Well thats good..." her thoughts were interrupted by the salamandyr. Not that she had anything against the creatures. You be hard pressed to fine something that Raebeli actually disliked, if it could breathe and have emotions then she was partial to it. It was a wonder she was able to eat anything without sobbing over it, but then again she made it a mission not to ask to many questions about where her meal came from. A dumb herdbeast is what she would tell herself, it was raised to be eaten...perfect justification, but again, it seemed she was getting distracted.

"What is his name?" She gestured to the blue, she wondered if maybe the name slipped by when she wasn't listening, but then...no...her job was listening, she wouldn't miss anything that easily. She was just buying time though, she had to think. Sure, the girl said things were better, but despite Rae's best attempts to believe in the inherit good of the world, she also knew that people lied for what they wanted. The mindhealer's task was to decide if this was a lie or not, if there was ever a time to be untruthful it would be now after all.

She looked at the woman's feet. Yes, her feet. `A little known fact was that lies were shown in the legs; people spend so much time cultivating stoicism on their face that they couldn't control the rest of themselves. Luckily for Meagan, Rae saw nothing of great interest, and continued questioning, "I heard you were quite the help at the hatching grounds during the attack....is my little turtle coming out of her shell finally?"

[midnight]

Meagen laughed softly at the mandyr, as she watched his movements. He slunked down her shoulder and slumped in her lap. His eyes watching the healer, and then back at his bonded. He nipped the girls finger gently and then burrowed into her lap, a faint murring sound coming from him as the male lost his focus on all going around him. It snapped back as the healer asked about his name. It was in perfect unison, oddly enough, the two answering. "Clingy" They answered together.

Causing the girl to stop and look at the Mandyr." Well that was interesting." She commented and then gave a barking laugh. She loked back up at the healer, a grin playing on her features. The girl really was healing. "I'm not going to hold things in anymore. I'm not the only one suffering, and I need to think of the others around me. They are what is important. " The young woman said. Determination and a sense of purpose filled the young woman. She took a large breatha and leaned forward towards the other woman.

"The attack, awakened me. I found a purpose for myself, I realized that how I was - could do nothign to save the people around me. So I worked with the orders being passed around, that people weren't listening too. I got people to start evacuating in an orderly manner. Women, children, elderly and injured first. Anyone that was healthy enough to fight, stayed. Till we were ordered to evactuate. Smoke filled the grounds.." She whispered this as her eyes seemed to glaze over for a moment.

Memories flowing over her as she relived the heat. "It hurt so much, the smoke. I cough a little still, the healers said it will be like that for a bit. I focused on what was important. Moved myself to the gold riders, told them they needed to go. There was a man, a bronzerider, I can't remember his name at the moment - but I'm sure he spoke to you. He told me I was doing a good job, keeping a steady head - pretty much. It was... a feeling I don't think I've ever felt."

She like. Good feel. Want 'gain. the Mandyrr chirped to the healer as he looked at Meagen. The girl was so lost in her thoughts. She swayed in her memories often. it was interesting to watch, for the Mandyr.

"After it was over, I felt different. I didn't like sitting back and watching as much, I took initiative. I worked harder, I started healing faster. I healed even faster after I got Clingy. I have problem still... but these things take time."

[Lotty]

"Well hello Clingy," she didn't exactly talk to mandyrs a whole lot. Not that she disliked them, they were just on the bottom of her list of favorites. She loved the whers and the dragons most, and then the firelizards though she had no intent of ever owning one. Lastly she liked the salamandyrs and though she knew of sweet ones and sometimes convinced her friends of trying to Impress them, she herself avoided them like the plague. A smart move on her part, for they were Cap'n's favoritest meal of all (right after fish) and he would make it his life's work to catch an eat any he saw. Even if it belonged to his Mommy Rae. Keeping the bird at bay was hard enough right now, the mindhealer was discreetly passing off crackers to the darter just to keep him distracted.

She glanced over at the girl time and again as she listened to the story. The bronzerider? Hmmm, if it is one that she had talked to then that narrowed down the choices. She supposed it was S'kor, though that fact was hardly relevant anyway, only in the loosest way did Raebeli connect that now Meagan had at least one good experience with a bronzerider to contend with the very bad experience. That at least was promising if nothing else, "Despite it all, it seems that this all put your life into perspective. That's good." Neutral. Rae wasn't giving anything away.

"Not to change the subject," but she totally and remorselessly was, "but how is your interactions with men going? Have any new friends you want to tell me about?" Meagan probably thought she was just dangling her signature right out of reach, and in a way she was. She could give the ok...she wasn't healed all the way, oh shards no, but was she stable enough for the sands? Sure. There were just formalities to go through now.

[midnight]

"I've spent more time focusing on my mind. I really haven't made any friends. I had one that I made before the last hatching, a GreenRider X'rx, but I haven't seen him since then. I've kind of been busy with Clingy and dealing with his emotions." She stated in an honest tone. "I've been more open to people. I've been doing the best I can to interact positively." She whispered softly, as a flash of the flight rushed through her, her hands clenched in her pants. She shook a little and sighed softly.

"All in all, I'm healing from my past damage. But I'm still damaged by somethign fresh. I know it was just flight lust... but... I had some pretty bad things said to me... when I got these..." She whispered as her fingers pressed to her cheek, over the scars. "I know it wasn't their fault, they were in Flightlust, but a part of me... took the words to heart and I can't help it." She whispered as she smiled wryly, tears almost jumping to her eyes. She even doubted Mik now, he had been one of the ones.

She was trusting guys, but now she had to trust herself again. "I feel that... perhaps they are right in some way... " She whispered as her arms wrapped around her stomach. "I was told basically that I would never be what someone would want. It wasn't said directly to me, but to mullify the Green Rider I interrupted. I was looking for Gojii, and ran across a Green Flight... got away as quickly as I could... "She murmured as her head tilted down.

Though she was healing from her rape, it was the knock down of her self-esteem that could damage the young woman the most. It was a combating feeling, because she had been made to feel that she was worth something - by the attack on the Weyr. She had been useful, someone had found her needed...

[Lotty]

Raebeli wondered....well....didn't there used to be a rule about salamandyrs? Wasn't the point of the girl being pulled from candidacy because her mind was a little distracted from dragons? And here she was admitting that she had been busy dealing with her blue salamandyr's emotions. Of course, there had been candidates that had Impressed no problem despite having one, but then again how many of them had as many issues as Meagen? It seemed like this could potentially complicate situations more than the girl actually understood, Rae just didn't know if she should bring this fact up, just the possibility that openly suggesting the tiny little worm thing could hold the girl back might send her into catatonic shock knowing the mindhealer's luck, so for now, the woman was biting her tongue. After all, it was just a bunch of conjecture.

It was good that she was talking to X'rx though. Such a sweet boy! That much was looking up, now just to deal with the little flight situation. Well...as Rae learned, nothing was little when it came to mindhealing, so she tried her best to take this all, very, very, seriously, "You know, that saying about words never hurting is so untrue, but the good news is that you always hold the cards when it comes to your emotions. You are the only one who owns them, so if you don't let what they say bother you then they won't," Rae looked off to the side to reflect on what she said. She made sense right? Maybe? Oh well, she was going to go with it, "It's a lot easier said than done though isn't it? I think that the best course of action is to remember exactly what you had said, it was flightlust, and though that seems like a cheap out, it might really be the best solution..."

But since Rae was curious and wanting to really get right down to it, "Why do you think that they might be right?" Obviously her self worth was still a little lacking...but, Rae was going to fix that! Rae was the so called "happy fixer" after all.

[midnight]

"I said nothing to them. I was searching for Gojii... I wandered into a hallway when the GreenRider K'lir and his flight group came down the hall at me. I tried to get out of the way, I know how things can be honestly. I grew up in a Weyr... But I was jumped on by the greenrider. He tore at my face - screaming at me about how - well I really can't remember what he screamed. I just remember the other riders in the flight trying to calm him down by saying that I was ugly and that no one would ever want me..." She whispered this as her features got a horrified look. She knew it had just been flight lust, but Mik had always been there for her - when she really needed saving.

MikStupid there. the Mandyr snapped up for the girl. Eyes whirling a little in a sleepy manner. His pet was dealing with the emotions of his a little easier. She was always one to keep herself firmly in control. "As Clingy said... Mik was there... and yeah well... " The girl shrugged just downright shrugged. Looking to the side was she fidgeted a little. "I'm really excited for the clutch - I can't wait to see what pairings will come from it." she whispered as she remembered all the candidates that had been there when she was one. She didn't count herself as one of them - and she was craving so badly to be there.

She wanted a dragon, wanted to be a help. She knew no other way to make a use of herself - especially in a Weyr. She had been raised to be a rider. To be on dragonback was what she loved most in the world. "I honestly don't feel ready for this hatching. I know I have healing still to do - and I don't need to burden a newborn dragon with my problems." She admitted lightly. Admittance was one of the largest steps of healing.

[Lotty]

First impressions. That was what Rae was going to spit out whether they were right or not. She liked fleshing out her own thoughts by hearing them, by gauging the reactions of others, it was all very important to her, "So, I take it more than anything you were hurt by Mik. Because you had put your faith in him, and had held him in higher regard than most others? Am I right? Did this incident knock him off the pedestal that you had envisioned him on and this threatens the very structures of what you held true?" She pondered it all as she wrote a few things down on that infamous pad of paper, "Feel free to tell me if I'm wrong...."

But...her eyes flashed up at the girl and immediately her mouth twisted into befuddlement. Say what now? The mindhealer canted her head to the side and the bobbing of her foot stopped mid rhythm. It was safe to say that Raebeli was rather surprised by this revelation. Meagen didn't think she was ready to stand? Well, well, well.... "Meagen, I am not going to lie to you...I had planned on releasing you to stand today, but if you don't believe yourself ready..." Rae didn't want to be the reason the poor girl didn't get to stand. Of course she didn't want any dragonets to be skewed by emotional turmoil either, which made this all so complicated, "Ultimately it is all up to you I suppose. I am not going to stop you, or tattle on you should I see you standing with the other candidates, but I'll leave it in your hands..."

The woman shrugged. She supposed that was the fair answer to the solution.