Rest In Peace... Is there such a thing? (Tag Glam)

[missa]

“Stop, please leave her alone! Please, she doesn’t deserve this!” The voice was panicked, the slight woman coming forward slightly, her hand out-stretched as though pleading with the man in front of her. Such anger she’d never seen on the man who had taken her from her home so long ago. Just as Beka had never seen the tracks of tears on her mother’s cheeks, never heard her beg for Beka’s release. The girl in question had trouble even drawing breath into her lungs, so tired, so exhausted. Every muscle hurt, hurt so much she knew she was crying. Agony, pure blind agony as her arm slowly bled her blood onto the ground, staining the green beneath. Her head throbbed, her body ached, and everything seemed to be black-white or grey. There was no real meaning in the world. Her father… The man she was supposed to trust above all else, the man that was supposed to protect her, the man that was supposed to care about her more than anything else in the world. He’d done more than beat her, that she had accepted, but how… How could this man live with himself after what he’d done to her? Her breath was torn from her lungs in a cry of pain as a foot connected with her stomach, making the girl retch, her stomach clenching tightly as though trying to get rid of the food there.

There was nothing her body could get rid of, and when she was left, gasping, she didn’t even have the strength to get up. There was little more she could do than breathe, and keep breathing. Beka managed to raise her head, just slightly to see her father walking forward, towards her mother. Anger darkening his features, an anger that Beka had taken from her mother, she’d given him something else to hate, and it had probably saved Kilina’s life, she couldn’t let all that go undone.

“Don’t!” The word seemed more breathy than Beka would have liked, would have preferred to be strong, but never mind, she’d gotten his attention once more. Her fingers grasped at the grass, tearing, trying to force herself to get up. Face this monster, even if it might have been the last time. She didn’t even get that far, not before she found herself pulled to her feet by a hand curling into her hair. Dragging her up to meet his dark, angry gaze. There was no humanity; there couldn’t be any human in this creature.
“What?” He snarled, and Beka squirmed, trying to get her head free, away.
Free. She’d never know the meaning of the word, not until she died, until then she was her father’s slave, her mother’s protector.
“I… Said don’t. Don’t… Touch her. You… Don’t deserve-” Beka couldn’t force more out, not as her father jerked her closer, one hand going to her injured arm, squeezing…

A cry of pain and terror, and Beka was awake, drawing her knees close to her chest as she jerked upright. Soft, whimpering sounds coming from her throat even as she tried to muffle them, stop them. Her back was settled against the tree, she’d wandered off to have time by herself, some where no one would come across her for a while, or so she hoped. Night-Terrors, or whatever they were called during the day. They weren’t normally so vivid, so real. Time was supposed to have dulled the edge, dulled the fear, the pain. Her arm seemed to throb, like the wound had only just sealed. This couldn’t be right, no, they had to be leaving.

Anai woke, the green giving a frightened little sound as she got up, before crawling over to Beka. The bossy little creature was unusually concerned for her bonded, chirping softly before demanding to know what that was all about. Beka merely shook her head, reaching a shaking hand out to Anai, not bothering to wipe the tears streaming down her face as she wrapped her arms about herself once more. Burying her face in her arms.
Blood poured anew, over his fingers as he brought his face closer, she squirmed, the pain… The agony was surely killing her, it had to be, she couldn’t live through this!
”Perhaps the little girl needs another lesson…”

“No!” Beka’s voice was choked, terrified and rather loud as she jerked her head back from her arms, trying to get rid of the feelings, the terror, her breath seemed to come harshly, as though she was trying to breathe, and it wasn’t working. Her body trembled as though shivering, cold, but it wasn’t. Her features were almost deathly pale as she trembled, shook in fear. Caught in memories she wanted so badly to forget, she just couldn’t. Why? Was it because everything in her life had been destroyed that day? The trust every child had in her parents, the trust every child had in adults, had been ripped from her hands. Eyes had been opened to the horrors of the world in the most brutal fashion, the fact that not everyone could be trusted, infact, no one could be trusted, ever.

[glamourie]

Snap, crack, twist. Branches and twigs, leaves and smaller twists of vine were crushed under Keliris's boots as he walked through the branches of the trees as if they were made for that exact purpose. Such comfort nestled in the jungle canopy should have been unnatural in a boy of sixteen, but Keliris moved with a fluidity that fully belied his species let alone age. He was more like an animal built for those trees than an individual, sliding in and out with liquid ease. He seemed to know exactly when to duck and when to turn, as if it were second nature to him, and perhaps in a way it was. He never stopped and never slowed, moving far too quickly. Some of the branches bent under his weight but he stayed on the thickest ones, nearest to the bottom, to climb from tree to tree where the canopy overlapped. His movements were from memory. Keliris knew the jungle better than most people would.

Crunch. Crunch. Branches moving, breaking, and leaves falling to the forest floor.
"Keliris, wait up! Lir! Please wait up! You're bigger than me! I can't keep up! Lir!"

Ever since he was small, Keliris had navigated that pathway through the tree tops, and though through the Turns it had changed, for the most part his directions were the same. Oh true, some new obstacles formed in his way, but from the age of seven he'd wandered around those trees. More than once, he'd used the branches as an escape from Kaliran, his younger brother. As children, Kaliran was smaller than he was and he had trouble climbing the trees let alone following his older brother through a path through them that was meant more for animals than people. Then Kaliran got taller and the problem came to be that he wasn't small enough, any more, to chase after Keliris. So it was that the trees remained his sanctuary from his overly happy younger brother, and whenever he was distraught, it was to that canopy he turned, traversing the branches by memory and instinct rather than observation.

He was upset with Kaliran. The other redhead seemed distraught that, despite being present, Keliris hadn't Impressed any of the firelizards that hatched from the most recent clutch. Keliris, too, was upset by that fact, but more bothered by the way that Kaliran seemed determined to dote upon him. He was not a child and he did not merit being babied by anyone, let alone his younger brother. So what if he didn't Impress a firelizard? He'd accepted he wasn't good enough for them or for a dragon. He didn't care. He would go Stand for the clutch, fail to Impress, and then get on with his life. He was too old to be a new apprentice for most arts, but maybe he could be accepted to Lake Dolphin Hall. The idea of learning something - anything - was actually rather appealing. The only reason he hadn't suggested going to Blossom Hold already was because of the clutch on the Sands. Kaliran would never forgive him if he left without at least trying.

Swinging over one of the branches, Keliris came to an abrupt halt in one of the largest trees. Movement from below made him freeze and he ducked down, letting pure survival nature take over. His body was hidden almost completely by the branches and the vines, and the parts that weren't were pulled close to his torso as he listened. But the sound he heard was not the tell-tale padding of something predatory below, such as felines on the scout for prey. In fact, it sounded almost like...

... like human whimpering, almost. Keliris tilted his head and then looked down through the branches before catching sight of green wings moving about. A firelizard, one no doubt from the Weyr simply because of how clean she was, how well cared-for. She did not have the look of a wildling to her. His eyebrows raised further and he crawled across his branch, lowering until he was almost pressed against it as he made his way. Each step was soundless and precise, as if he practiced sneaking up on people and such a description would not truly be inaccurate for Keliris's behavior. He slipped nearly to the end of the branch and turned down, turned to look at whoever it was, when her voice rang out and she lifted her head, her eyes meeting his from the way he was perched in the tree like some kind of shadow. And what had she said, but 'No!' as if she heard something she was so opposed to?

"Yes!" Keliris replied instinctively, because, really, he wouldn't be Keliris if he wasn't being contrary. He just wouldn't.

[missa]

"Yes!"

Safe enough to say, the shout quite literally scared Beka out of her witts, her arms unfolding and sending Anai from her lap with an undignified squawk. Rubbing at her eyes, Beka didn't know what to do, that voice wasn't a memory, wasn't her mind playing tricks on her, it was... It was... Someone, someone watching her, someone she couldn't see. Despite the scolding she was getting from Anai, Beka stood, eyes darting about in the jungle for some sign of a human presence.

Ah, there. Where her eyes had rested only moments ago, wasn't he a candidate? Or something along those lines? Beka was almost sure she'd seen him... Somewhere, how had she missed him before? Had it been panic? Most likely, how many people shouted back at you in the jungle? Managing to hold his gaze steady, Beka stepped back, away from him.
"W-what do y-you want?"

Why did her voice always have to tremble when she didn't want it to? It was honestly very annoying, it seemed like strength drained from her voice when she wanted it to work, be strong and steady, it failed. However, Beka didn't dare take her eyes off the boy in the tree, not even long enough to look annoyed, or shift her features into the mask of anger.

Anai hissed at Hers, fluttering up to land on her shoulder before hissing at Keliris, since it was his fault she'd been dumped on the floor, and so rudely! Hers would just have to oil and wash her all over again, silly, dim-glow of a tunnel-snake. Annnd, he was frightening Hers, why wouldn't he just go away? Another hiss, and Anai settled, flipping her wings into place along her back and settling her glare on Keliris. A tap on the nose was given as Beka shushed the green, not wanting to anger the boy in the trees. Was he taller than she was? She couldn't tell from this height.
"W-who are y-you?"

[glamourie]

Ahahahaha! She jumped! She positively jumped! Right out of her skin! As if terrified! The sight amused Keliris, who sat down properly on the branch, laughing quietly under his breath. He probably shouldn't have as he above all knew how frightening he could be when he sneaked up on people, but it wasn't his fault! In his experience, the only people who looked quite so terrified of someone speaking to them were the ones not paying attention to their surroundings. No doubt she'd been asleep but hadn't she seen him as she awoke? Silly girl! Sleeping in the jungle. Suicide, that was. He had no sympathy for her. Even in a good mood, he would have had no sympathy. But unfortunately, Keliris was in a foul mood and quite eager to take it out on everyone and anyone who was within his grasp. And the girl - her name escaped him due to lack of caring enough to remember who she was - was his unfortunate target.

And she was stuttering. An almost malicious smile played over his face as he leaned forward to regard her with an air of contempt that was very typical of Keliris. Lir was not a friendly being by nature and anyone who thought otherwise was a fool. What did he want? He got what he wanted. He'd frightened her and chased some of his own agitation away in one fell swoop. How delightful. He did not give voice to that idea, though, instead clucking his tongue disapprovingly. He was still upset in general, even if he wouldn't admit it, and he had every intention of venting that hurt at her. She was one of the ones who Impressed at the clutch where he hadn't. Therefore, she was a proper target for his scorn, as far as Lir was concerned. Never mind that his hostility was likely why he didn't Impress. He would ignore that key detail for the moment, since he was still bothered by Kaliran's behavior enough to punish someone else for his bad moods.

"It's foolish to fall asleep in the jungle. You never know who might sneak up on you," he taunted, well aware of how unfair he was being, even if the statement was true. Fair was usually something Keliris prided himself upon, but misplaced aggression wasn't terribly unusual for him. "As it is, I don't want anything, but shaking like a leaf, stirring and squirming, and making quite so much noise marks you as prey. You'll be lucky if something doesn't attack you, girl."

The firelizard... hissed at him? That sound actually made him pause and he turned to look at the green with his head tilted just slightly. His eyebrows raised, inquisitive. She was hissing at them both. How... odd. He look from the firelizard to the girl and back again, his hostility rapidly decreasing, as if something hit a switch inside of him and turned his anger off. Through his mind he pictured Chipper and Maris, and his anger faded to a hint of pain and a feeling of utter rejection, once more. He bit his tongue to avoid giving voice to those thoughts before turning his gaze back to the girl. If she called him on the fact that he was rather upset, he might do something rash. "My name is Keliris."

[missa]

Keliris... Nope, name didn't mean anything to her, then again, very few names did. Her heart was still beating wildly, a rapid dance against her ribs. If not for the night terror, then she would have calmed down by now, as it were, she still eyes Keliris with suspicion. Oh yeah, she shouldn't be showing weakness, least of all someone she didn't know.

However, it proved impossible to force her features into the normal scowl, the glare falling short of anything that could be called angry, instead she just looked... Tired, afraid, lost... When he mentioned being attacked, she managed a tiny smile. She knew all about being attacked, unfortunately, it probably wasn't what he was reffering to. Plus, Beka doubt it would hurt as much, physically, definately... Mentally... Nope.
"Why do you care? What do you know?" Then she sighed and shook her head, managing a small smile.

"I'm Beka. Not that it matters to you. " The comment lacked any hosility, merely a resignation. As though Beka truely believed she meant so little to anyone that her name didn't matter. Then again, she'd grown up believing it, and had Impressed a flitter that was as angry as she pretended to be, the difference being that Anai really was a pain in the backside, Beka only pretended. Beka lowered her gaze from him, only then responding to his comment about prey with a shrug.
"I've been prey all my life, why would you showing up change that?"

Anai hissed again, her body tensing as she glared at the strange Boy. How dare he frighten hers, even if Hers was being silly? You did not jump when strange boys yelled at you, Hers would learn though, she would learn. Until then, Anai would protect Hers, and if that meant hissing, well that meant hissing. However, such actions were growing boring and with a bored chirp and yawn, Anai settled herself aroudn Beka's neck.

[glamourie]

"I don't care," Keliris replied with a finality that made it clear he meant those words, no matter how harsh or cruel they might have sounded. What was it to him if some girl was miserable or attacked? Nothing. He'd only stated it because he was in a bad mood. Bad? No, horrible. Horrible, horrible mood, spawned by the fact that she had a flitter and he did not. Still, that did not detract from the truthfulness of his statement, no matter how harsh it was. If she fell asleep in the jungle, she stood a strong chance of being mangled by one of the creatures that lived there. Predators. They were bold by nature, and one little firelizard would not be enough to chase anything away. Was she suicidal? She certainly seemed to be, and it wouldn't have surprised Keliris a lick. Judgmental as he was on first meetings (often enough to scare the faint of heart away from him!), he suspected she was the type of person who assumed her problems were completely the worst, who no one understood, and she tried to compensate by appearing disinterested in the world around her...

... Just who did that sound like?

Scowling at himself, Keliris met Beka's gaze evenly enough. Her question made him laugh, but it was a bitter, condescending sound. Prey all her life and she sounded so resigned. Only a few seconds previous, he'd compared them mentally - but she was nothing like him, even if her tone might have suggested it. He would never be so subservient, never be so weak. He was smart enough to know that the only people who were 'prey' were the ones who didn't make the effort to change it! Anyone could change anything they wanted about their lives if they tried. It was all a matter of trying, and she clearly didn't want to. Yes, life was easier when one pretended they were too weak to improve themselves. He'd never lower himself to that. He'd die first.

Ignoring the little firelizard's growling (What would she do, bite him? He'd bite her right back!), Keliris met Beka's gaze and laughed. The sound was cold, and it was intended that way. "That's no one's fault but your own. A cripple will make the effort to try and walk for something they want. Everyone else is just lazy." How confusing that sentence likely was, but it voiced his views quite efficiently, in his opinion. Once the firelizard calmed back down, Keliris looked back at Beka before raising an eyebrow. "Is she always so moody, or am I special? One moment, she's growling - Fierce, I'm terrified! - and then the next she's going to sleep. Congratulations, you have the most neurotic firelizard I've ever seen, and I happen to know several." Condescending jerk.

[missa]

Instantly, she tensed. He knew nothing about her, if he had been in her position once, would he have left? She frowned, the answer to that thought not one she would have liked, the answer from what she'd seen of him, was yes. If it had of been him, to save his own skin, would he have left Kilina? Unfortunately, Beka was not that sort of person, she just couldn't have left. One hand reached up to stroke Anai, seeking comfort from her thoughts.

"My fault? Oh of course, everything's always my fault! I was right, you have no idea what you're talking about, tell me... Do you ever? If I'd 'walked' as you put it in your oh so flowery words, Kilina would have died. I can only hope that with my leaving he didn't turn on her, inflict scars on her, didn't rape-" Her words broke off in a gasp, her features going from annoyed and angry to shocked and almost frightened. She'd just... Just... Oh idiot! Mentally, she slapped herself, over and over, berating herself for letting those words slip out, for letting that moment on annoyance, of anger, over come any sense.

His question about Anai was ignored, oh she was like that to everyone, but he wouldn't know that. Beka wasn't about to speak to him either, she couldn't, he voice didn't seem to be working any more. Anai was peacefully sleeping, apparently oblivious to Hers' feelings, the horror at the words that had sprung from her mouth. Any normal person would have fled the conversation, found somewhere to hide until he'd gone, and then perhaps find a nice hole to die in..

Such a shame Beka wasn't normal.

[glamourie]

Keliris raised an eyebrow slowly before shaking his head. Raped? Hm... He was inclined to feel slightly sorry for her, but only slightly. The truth was, cut-throat as he tended to be, Lir saw the fact that she didn't walk away as proof that she had no one to blame. He bit his tongue, torn on how to reply at first. Obviously the conversation was going to take some diplomacy. The redhead took a deep breath before climbing down from the tree, throwing himself to the ground with a nearly feline grace. He landed with one knee in the dirt and pulled himself up, jutting his chin just slightly. Pride was a fierce thing, especially when one was dealing with someone as conceited and, flat out self-oriented as Lir was.

"Every human being is given a choice in life. When you are presented with a bad situation, you have the option of making it better by walking away. You chose to stay for this Kilina. Ultimately, you could have fixed your problem. You could have turned and walked away, spared yourself your pain. In the end, you made the conscious choice to stay. Most people wouldn't. Most people would choose for themselves. Whatever your motivations are, it is your fault. What happened is your fault cause you had the chance to fix it. You live with the consequences of that choice. But only you can choose whether or not you are okay with that. Only you can decide if you regret the decision or if you're happy with the choice. Either way, it's still your fault, if you don't stop what happens to you. You won't get pity from me, if that's what you're seeking. Sympathy, maybe. But not pity. Only you can fix your problems."

Turning on his heel, Keliris scoffed and started away from the girl without a second's hesitation. He didn't want to deal with some weepy girl living in her past. No matter how hard life was for her, things could always get worse, and they usually did. Likewise, he really meant what he said. Anyone who lived in misery without doing anything to change it had no one but themselves to blame. If she made an effort to help herself, then she shouldn't have been a shivering, crying mess. After all, Lir was just some stranger. To him, that she was so upset spoke volumes of her guilt; she hadn't tried to help herself. What did she expect, some handsome dragon rider to save her? One probably did - she was a candidate. He wanted to scoff, but resisted.

Yet what did it say about him that he was walking away? If he stayed, she was going to make him eventually snap and that would be bad. That, at least, was what he told himself. It wasn't guilt. He was not wandering away to avoid his guilty conscience because he had nothing to feel guilty about. He hadn't raped her or beat her. He hadn't raped or beat her ... Kilina, whoever she was. It wasn't his fault! At all! And therefore it was not his problem. He wouldn't be involved in some problem he couldn't fix, he just wouldn't.

[missa]

"Kilina, is my mother, I couldn't just leave her. I don't want your pity, I don't want anything from you. I made the right choice." However strong she sounded, angry or upset at his words, Beka did feel the first twinge of doubt. Could she have saved herself years of torment if she'd just walked away? Would she still be standing here if she'd made the choice to look to her own well-being instead of that of her Mother? Her family. Keliris, no matter how unfeeling he seemed, had to know what family was like, had to know what that security was. What if he didn't though? What if he was like her, hurt and lost, and finding the only way to protect himself was through pushing people away?

Beka's frown faded slowly, her eyes following his movement away from her, two sides warred, one wanting to run after him, find out about him. The other told her very firmly to stay put, let him walk away... What if he told others? Beka hated pity, sympathy was annoying in too heavy a dose, why had she been stupid enough to blurt it out to him, of all people? Had it been because he made her angry? She couldn't know, not unless she talked to him.
"Keliris! Wait, I'm sorry."

Apologising for her behviour was not something she was familliar with and once she'd caught up to him, fallen into step with him, she paused wondering what to say. Falling back on the topic of Anai.
"She's like that with everyone, grumpy little brat that she is... Anai is... Well, moody is really the best way to put it, your lucky to have known several. I know... Three. Lura's bronze and green and Anai." She paused then fell silent, closing her mouth after drawing in a breath as though to speak. Beka honsetly had nothing to say, she did want him to know that she didn't want his pity though. Besides, he was fairly interesting, not the type she was used to. No he was different, he was... Well, he was grumpy. Grumpy was something Beka was familliar with, grumpy was something she could deal with. Angry or happy, she found difficult to deal with.

Why was he so different? Would the questions plague her until she got an answer now? More questions, no answers. Annoyance seemed to light Beka's eyes for a brief moment before she concentrated on not waking Anai. Oh what a scolding that would get! Anai hated being woken, that wasn't hard to find out, in fact she was unusually grumpy and snappish when woken from one of her naps. Oh why couldn't see have gotten some mild-tempered blue? She loved Anai deeply, but she was a going to be difficult to train, even for such a clever little darling.

[glamourie]

Frowning, Keliris turned to address Beka as she spoke to him. The first words he wanted to speak died on his lips as she apologized and the agitation seemed to leek away from him, leaving him only with a slight scowl. However, when he spoke, it was more calm and casual than he felt, as though the most natural thing in the world. "If you might the right choice, stop letting memories of your past haunt you. You made that choice. You live with the consequences. If it was the right one, then no matter how much time passes or what happened between then and now, none of what happened matters in face of that one simple fact. You made the choice, you believe it's right, so stop living in regret."

A total lack of sympathy seemed rather normal for Keliris, but heartless though his words may have sounded, they weren't meant that way. She couldn't just keep beating herself up over what happened. She made her choice, and she thought it was the right one. If it was in her mind, then why was she letting it haunt her so? Poking an open wound only made it hurt. Letting it go would eventually allow it to heal. That was how human beings functioned. Emotional wounds were not all that different from physical ones. One had to let the injury have time to heal instead of occasionally poking it in wonder if whether or not it was progressing. She seemed to linger in her past, cling to it, if the way she brought it up was anything to judge by. But comfort wasn't something Keliris was very good at, no matter how he tried. Were he someone else he might have tried; some part of him did feel guilty for being nasty to her when she was distressed. But ... Keliris was Keliris; comfort was a foreign object to him.

He turned to eye the green flitter on her shoulder before shaking his head slowly, his long red bangs brushing around his face. "My brother Kaliran has two - a green, Chipper, and a new blue, Maris. A friend of ours, Rawign, has three. Bronze Li, Blue Beggar and Green Roxie. And an associate of mine, Mavorn, has a blue named Nosy. I've gotten used to them. Firelizards as a rule hate me, though. It wouldn't be that unusual for her to detest me as well. I kind of expect it, really."

Shaking his head, Keliris started off at a much slower pace, his arms winding around his stomach. He really did think all firelizards and creatures requiring Impression just loathed him. Odds were, he'd never Impress anything. He knew most of that likely stemmed from him being so outwardly hostile, but another part, a little insecure voice in his head, believed he didn't deserve any firelizards anyway. Nothing would want him. He wasn't a good person, wasn't friendly, didn't try to be better... He could, but he didn't see much point. No one would ever change their views on him anyway. So why bother? Some part of Keliris was inherently depressed, but he wouldn't ever give voice to that.

"Why'd you name her Anai?"

[missa]

Beka seemed to pause, her thoughts whirling chaotically in her mind, was he really right? Was that the only reason she still feared, the only reason she was still tormented by night terrors? Surely, surely it couldn’t be as easy as accepting that she’d made a good choice in staying. She didn’t regret her choice, not really. She wished her life had taken a different path to the one it had, wished she could be a child once more, a child that held no appeal to her father. A child that was only beaten, and scared… It couldn’t be that easy, couldn’t be. Memories haunting her however, now that was a different story. It wasn’t a matter of letting them, they came at night, and when faced with a similar situation, her mind automatically made the connection… Why?
“It’s not regret I live in, I know I made the choice, and I live with that. The consequences of my choice is not being able to trust, I can’t stand getting close to people, I don’t like my skin being touched, or at all. I dislike handshakes, loathe them, and I don’t like hugs. Any form of physical comfort or greeting quite honestly scares me. It’s not regret, I live in fear. I know that, and I want to change… I just don’t know how.”

Change was never easy, not for anyone. The older one got, the more turns behind them, the harder it was to adjust. So it was for Beka, for fifteen turns she’d had nothing but fear in her life, the wonder whether the next beating would kill her, or whether she’d wake up in the morning. This new sense of security and trust people gave her, without knowing what had happened… It was so odd. It was different and strange, almost scary in it’s newness. She wasn’t going to give into that though, she was improving, did she not trust Lura and Liralla if not I’ir? Had she not accepted that they were her family now, and that her old life – though for the better – was gone? Did she not care for both Lura and Liralla, and even Lura’s Green? She’d tried hard to settle, to ignore the ever plaguing night terrors, but nothing had ended up different. It wasn’t that easy.

“Lucky people.” Beka’s words were whispered, her eyes finding the ground once more, before she seemed to remember she didn’t have to meek anymore and lifting her head once more. Anai had been a fluke, a lucky break, or maybe she had changed enough to be able to care for a flitt, if not worthy of a dragon.
“Anai was a fluke, I didn’t really think I’d Impress her. I’d hoped to Impress, but not a Green, never a Green… I don’t think they hate you, maybe there’s something in your manner that… Frightens them. Or maybe they think you don’t want them, try concentrating on welcoming thoughts, or loving thoughts. Or… Try a smile.” She was teasing him with the last sentence, taking a chance on his reaction as she let a smile form, then she shrugged her shoulder, waking Anai up successfully.
“She hates everyone, well, no. That’s not true, not every one I suppose. I don’t even think ‘hate’ is the right word… Anai has… Well an attitude problem I guess, she likes to boss people around, but if you compliment her, she’s a friend for life.”

Said Flitt hissed slightly, crooning and nudging Hers about the ear, why had she woken her? Anai did need her rest, she was ever so sleepy. Why had Hers run after the nasty boy? He was mean to her wasn’t he? Or was it behaving now? Did it matter? Hm. Well, she’d have to keep an eye on him, most definitely. Flaring her wings to lift off she flew over to land on Keliris’ shoulder, giving off a demanding chirp. He would pet her now, then compliment her, and then she’d like to go back to Hers. Well, why wasn’t he petting her?
"I don't know really, it just sort of... Fitted. I don't know where I got it from."

[glamourie]

Keliris shook his head, slowly. He couldn't lecture her on trust, so he didn't bother to try. If anyone knew what it meant to not trust people, he would be one such person. Every thought and feeling was clamped up inside as though secret, as though just giving voice to the beginning of an idea or feeling, letting one individual in a thousand know exactly what he thought and why, could be detrimental to him. He was not about to take that risk, and Keliris tried not to be too blatantly hypocritical. He could tell her that she had to try to trust - that she had to give people a chance if she was ever going to fully recover - but the truth was that Lir didn't even believe that. He knew it was true, but he couldn't practice what he would be preaching. He pushed people away every chance he got, found reasons to be upset with himself. In fact, Keliris was really bad about comparing himself to everyone around him until everything he specifically did was not good enough anymore. He over-criticized himself to the point of brutality - and he never let anyone have a chance to see the better parts of his personality as a result. If he could chase them away with his hostile outward air, they'd never find out just how empty he felt inside. And then he never had to face that fact on the outside, either. Self-defense at its finest.

It was funny, though. Listening to her talk didn't help him at all. "Not a green," she said. But Lir would have been happy with a green. Once upon a time he wanted bronze everything but the idea of impressing even just a green firelizard was more appealing than words could describe. He never would, though. He'd accepted it - flitters hated him. Anything that required Impressing hated him. He wasn't going to ever Impress anything. Some part of him was miserable at the idea but most of him - the dominant part of Keliris's mind, at least - had accepted that he was just... a flop. A failure. He'd find somewhere else to make his life, and he'd do well. He didn't have to Impress to be worth something. He just... had to figure out what.

"They hate me. Trust me." Keliris raised an eyebrow. He wouldn't have said it if he didn't think it was true. "Rawign's got this blue, it begs from everyone for food. Everyone but me. He won't come near me. I repel them or something. Chipper likes everyone - everyone but me. She squawks and goes between at the sight of me. I'm just..."

Just.. a flop. Keliris trailed off and glanced at Anai as she landed on his shoulder. He very cautiously lifted one hand to rub her sides, but otherwise didn't appear to react. Arina's firelizards landed on him, too. But they hated him just like the rest. (Whether or not all of them truly hated Keliris was a matter for debate as well - for Beggar and Chipper were strange in on themselves; Li and Roxie had no problem with him, nor did Nosy or Maris, but Lir was just pessimistic to latch onto the fact that some did. Some did, and he didn't manage to Impress any, so obviously there was something majorly wrong with him. Keliris logic at its finest.) His eyes fell off toward the trees as his free hand wrapped around his stomach, expression guarded.

"I suppose all names do fit. What does she want exactly...?" Why had she landed on him? If she bit him he was going to be mad.

[missa]

For a moment, Beka seemed content to let him talk, listen to him, he had a nice voice. It was different, he wasn't talking down at her, he wasn't talking at her, he was talking to her. In Beka's history, there was a big difference. He seemed convinced Fire-lizard's hated him though, which Anai promplty took on herself to prove him wrong, being the sweetest Beka had ever seen her. Shooting a playful glare at the green.
"Anai doesn't hate you. She's a grumpy little thing, I hope her hosility and grumpiness means she won't Rise... Do you think that's possible, a Green that won't rise?" She seemed to be asking mroe out of hope than out of any real evidence it was possible, and she did want his opinion... Sort of.

Instantly, his actions got a trill, Anai shifting her body as seh tried to place her head under his fingertips. Her head itched! Why wasn't he scratching her properly! Not fair... Crooning softly, almost in a friendly manner, she nudged his finger tips once more, sending images and feelings, most involving him scratching her, then telling her what a lovely little green she was.

What did she-? Beka looked confused for a oment, then realising he meant Anai, smiled. He had said flitts didn't go near him, so Anai's complaining wasn't working much.
"A scratch most like. Or you to tell her how beautiful she is. Just reach your fingers up, and- Oh here." Instead of explaining, she merely moved closer, grabbing his hand and placing it gently on Anai's eye-rdiges. Instantly, a croon came from the green as she rubbed against him.
"Her hide is itching, I'll have to oil her again. She likes being scratched, and she likes you well enough to go over to you. Careful though, she might want you to scratch somewhere else, then she might bite or scratch to get your attention." Once she'd said that, Beka fell silent, merely watching the Green and Keliris.

What were the odds of finding someone so like her in the same Weyr, in the same sort of mind frame, or so it seemed. Keliris didn't seem grumpy now, more... Sad. Sort of, maybe he was sad because he hadn't Impressed at the flitter hatching? If so, Beka was sure if he tried again, he'd be successful, or at the dragon hatching, she was sure he'd Impress there.
"Are you going to attend the Hatching?"

[glamourie]

"All greens Rise," Keliris calmly replied, "but you've got some time, she's still very young." He had no doubt that little Anai would rise just as any other green flitter would and given that she was rather pretty, she'd probably have quite the mass of chasers. Why did she seem so bothered by the idea? ... Because of having been raped...? In his experience, it was possible to resist firelizard-wrought emotions, with enough effort. She could probably lock herself up somewhere or hide far from people. It wasn't as though it was a big deal. Somehow he doubted telling her that would reassure her, though, since he did not have any flitters of his own looking to him. He couldn't know from experience, and word-of-mouth wasn't good enough. Kaliran hadn't ever caved to firelizard emotions, though... Hmm... "I should introduce you to my brother. He knows a lot about greens..." And their flying. He wouldn't outright tell Beka that, but it was alluded to in his words. She could talk to Kaliran and maybe he could help prepare her, when the time came. He wouldn't tell 'Ran exactly why it was important, though. Beka's secrets weren't his to tell and Keliris liked keeping secrets anyway. "Or maybe my mother. She's a greenrider. She might be able to talk to you about greens..." Salira would be more tactful, too. Not that Lir welcomed the idea of talking to her. She tended to ask why he was so standoffish. Despite not raising him, Salira still obviously viewed Keliris as her son.

Amber eyes lingered on the firelizard's behavior, as if confused. Beka's explanation, though, made him nod and Keliris followed Beka's movements to lightly scratch the green. For the moment she didn't seem to mind him but Lir was sure that it would pass. No firelizards liked him for very long. She'd eventually grow tired of him and fly back to hers, then the next time they saw one another the green would think him dreadful like they all did. Keliris genuinely believed firelizards as a whole hated him and thus, he was used to being snubbed. He'd failed to Impress flitters twice, if it wasn't that hard then he must have just been broken. Made sense, right? At least, in his twisted logic, it did.

"I don't mind being bitten or scratched." The response was simple and honest. Lir didn't really mind being hit or punched, shoved or thrown down, either. He had a surprising neutrality to being thrown about like someone's rag doll. He'd never been mistreated, but he'd reinforced the idea in his mind that without pain one simply could not grow and he... accepted the idea of being hurt very easily. He thoroughly expected to end up getting mauled by at least two dragons before his time as a candidate was up, and he really didn't care. If he got beaten up, he got beaten up. Pain was not something that upset Keliris, it never had. At least, not physical pain. Others being hurt bothered him far, far more.

Her question about the hatching made Keliris look up and he shrugged, almost loftily. "I suppose I have to. I don't expect to Impress, mind. I'm just going to make sure that any dragonets wanting to render someone to tenderized meat use me for scratching posts as opposed to my brother." He turned back to the little green and raised an eyebrow at her. "I suppose you'll be making sure no one tries anything with yours, right?" If it was odd to address a firelizard the same way one might a person, Keliris never gave any indication to noticing.

[missa]

Why? Why did all greens have to rise? Why couldn’t Anai be the only one ever not to do so, stay on the ground, Anai was grumpy, she wouldn’t want a mate… Right? Beka looked no more comfortable, instead, probably looked far more uncomfortable with the idea, having it confirmed was worse. Honestly, she didn’t want to talk to anyone, when the time came, she would just have to deal, hopefully there was some way she could avoid it.
“If you think it’s a good idea… I suppose… I can try…” She mumbled softly, instantly making the decision to talk to Lura about it, it would be easier, talking to a Green-Rider that she knew and trusted. However, she wasn’t going to tell Keliris that, wouldn’t shove kindness back in his face. It was the first time anyone had ever wanted to talk to her really, and though they’d started off fighting, they weren’t fighting now… That was something… Right?

Anai let out a soft trill, cooing softly to herself as his fingers scratched at itchy hide, Hers always told her not to go between when she was itchy, which meant catching a ride with someone else. Why not this boy that would have to be absolutely adoring of her, simply because he knew nothing about f’lizards and because she was so pretty, didn’t he think so? Why was he asking her? If something happened, Anai would protect Hers, though Aslath might be nasty and try and keep her away, no mean dragon would hurt Hers. Would he like her to protect him too? It would depend if she could be bothered… All of this was sent in images and emotions, the flitter chirping sweetly.

“Why? Do you get hurt often by flitts?” Beka’s voice was instantly curious, wondering at his reason for being so flippant about being hurt. Was he just used to it, or was there something a bit… Well… Different about him? Had he just accepted that people did get hurt, that flitts did scratch and bite, and had there for accepted that anything might happen? That would probably be the better of the two to be honest, then at least he wouldn’t seem sad, just with a different, more accepting mind-frame. No matter how grumpy he could be, the only thing she had to base it off was his reaction in the tree, and then later when she’d apologised.

Beka allowed a smile to curve her lips, so he was protective of his brother, they obviously cared about each other. Or at least, Keliris cared about his brother anyway. Still, it was nice to see that they did care, that there was such a thing as a caring family… Sort of. Well, caring siblings anyways. From what Beka had been told, siblings fought and argued more often than not…
“I’m sure you will Impress, and I might wait till next time, sit in the stands with Lura… To be honest… I’m a little frightened, it was so horrible last time, they were crying so loud, and the maulings…” A little shiver went down her spine and she shook her head, looking away.
“So, Anai won’t need to protect me.” Honestly, she hadn’t really thought about it, she’d stayed well away from the subject of the last Hatching. How could they grow up, some couldn’t fly, others couldn’t be in the light…