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Post by Administrator on Aug 27, 2008 6:59:18 GMT -5
Home sweet home. Shmee entered the weyr slowly, looking around the room with caution. She didn’t know where S’rei was yet, but she knew she needed to talk to him. She had spoken with the mindhealer a lot back at the hold, and she had figured out there what her own problems with S’rei were—somewhat. She was too clingy to him, and would try to get more friends. That was a big one. She frowned, and bounced Shei on her hip. The babe giggled, and waved her chubby arms merrily. With everything that had happened, Shei was the only one who still was just as happy as she always had been. The little redhead screeched happily to let people know that. Shmee smiled weakly. She hoped Shei would be happy to see her father again.
“S’rei, your daughter would like to see you,” she called out softly, looking around. Was he even in? Shmee set down the bags that she was carrying. She had the clothes and toys for Shei that she had brought, but she had also brought a bag full of clothes that she had sewn at the hold. Sewing had turned into one of her outlets—she had made shirts for everyone. Shei had gotten several new little dresses, S’rei had gotten a couple new shirts, Laurie got one, Miguel got a new outfit, and even Ka’rys had a new shirt. But at least it helped calm her whenever her emotions got too worked up. When she couldn’t sew, she paced, and Shmee unconsciously began to do just that.
You’re doing it again,[/color] Aslath reminded her.
Oh… Well, it’s not interrupting things right this moment, so I can do it,[/color] Shmee replied groggily. She supposed if she came back at a good hour, like maybe later in the morning, she wouldn’t be so sleepy, but she wanted to make sure that she would catch S’rei.
Shmee wanted to talk with S’rei for only one reason. It wasn’t to try to convince him that she had been raped; he would believe it in his own time, the mindhealer had said, when the hurt was gone. But Shmee had thought about it, and she just wanted to know why he hated her. Had it been the build-up of things, or did something specifically make him hate her? It hurt a lot to think of that still, but she needed to know so she could either stop it or know not to do it again. But S’rei would be truthful with her, despite how much it might hurt.
She kissed Shei’s forehead as she paced about the living quarters. “Now, where is your Daddy?” she asked softly.
She needed to remind herself that she was not here to jump on S'rei and not let go of him. She needed to give him space, like the mindhealer said. She hadn't realized she had clung to him in this way, and she hadn't realized either, that she hadn't given him space. So she would get her answers, and then let him have his space-- even if it meant he left her. It would hurt more than she could possibly say, but she didn't want to smother him any more.
I was that way with Salenth,[/color] Aslath remarked guiltily. The mindhealing on Shmee had indirectly benefited Aslath, as well. The gold's mind wasn't as chaotic, just as Shmee's wasn't. Still, there was hurt there, and recognition. They both yearned for things to be better, and would do whatever it took to make things more peaceful.[/size]
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Post by reqqy on Aug 28, 2008 0:23:45 GMT -5
He'd fallen asleep on the floor in a large ring of papers and scrolls he'd been poring over. The man still laid curled there, outside her immediate view, a hand thrown before his cleanshaven - for once - face. S'rei had gone into this the day before with every intention to remain awake until Shmee returned at about midmorning. He had enough to do, anyway, that it shouldn't be hard, especially since it was thinking of Shmee and Shei that kept him up at all strange hours. Why he'd gone out of his way to look his best was beyond him, since no doubt she'd just wander off and mope somewhere as soon as she returned.
Salenth, who was aware of Aslath's return, simply allowed His to sleep. It was becoming a concern - and a pressing one - this insomnia that his mindmate now suffered from due to the stressors slowly piling up. ReiMine wasn't nearly as sharp as he'd always been, and while it wasn't something that would gravely effect anyone, people tended to be testy when tired. Not to mention the fact that they made mistakes. The bronze was covering for His more and more, and he genuinely missed the man's normal demeanor. Enough that he was even willing to admit that maybe it wasn't so good that His and Aslath's weren't getting on, if it caused this level of distress.
Furniture between him and Shmee's current line of vision, the wingleader lay curled in a near-fetal position, the strong face slack but not peaceful, not even in sleep. His head was cushioned on one arm, the fingers curled and periodically twitching in response to whatever dream he was having, the other arm half-covering his face. What likely had been a clean and newly-pressed shirt was now rumpled in sleep, left partially open at the collar - likely in response to the afternoon heat, which was when he'd fallen asleep. S'rei was barefoot, too, and his clothes were a bit baggy on him. His whole body seemed more angular in response to his sleeplessness and diminished appetite.
The parchments splayed around him were scribbled on in his characteristicly tight, messy penmanship, filled with random diagrams. Some could be interpreted as formations, though most were far more obscure - as if his mind had wandered as he was drawing them up, or perhaps it was just a random thought he'd had that needed to be written down. The scrolls themselves contained a wide range of information, from things on dragonhealing, to mindhealing, to past formations, to Selenitas history. Among many others. One in particular had been outlined - which he shouldn't have done, since it obviously was an archival record - detailing the history of the northern wars from a southern perspective. Outlined and commented upon in the margins, in a gradually more agitated hand. The marked passages spoke of C'leon and S'rei himself, and though the notations he'd left behind were indecipherable, it was certainly true that something upset him about it.
The parchment beneath his elbow was the only one even remotely legible, with a diagram of the region, dates and relative locations of Threadfall over the next several months, and even more notes scribbled all along the edges. One fairly clearly read that this day would be the one most likely for one of the northern weyrs to take advantage of should they plan another attack. It started out fairly systematic, but then the words seemed to jumble as possible precautions were listed, until it degenerated into something that didn't seem to be about Threadfall or either of the rival weyrs at all.
He didn't once stir at the calling of his name, his exhaustion having caught up to him and rendered him more or less dead to the world around him.
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Post by Administrator on Aug 28, 2008 7:16:28 GMT -5
"S'rei," Shmee called out, stepping anxiously through the room. Why wouldn't he be here at this time? Had he suddenly moved out? Shmee was hurt and frustrated. Did he decide that Shei wasn't even worth sticking around for? Shard it, but Shmee wanted answers. "S'rei?" she called again, more of a question. Shei looked around curiously, not sure what she was looking for, but she certainly had a puzzled baby-look. But Shmee hardly noticed. She would find S'rei and... figure things out? She supposed that was the best way to describe it. It may not make things better for their relationship, she thought unhappily, but it could, at the very least, make them understand each other and what had happened in their fight. She frowned, uneasy with how he wasn't here. Slowly scanning the room as she walked further into the room, her head finally turned the right direction. She nearly jumped, but worry did take over as she saw S'rei's limp form on the floor.
The thought of him being simply asleep didn't even cross her mind. After all, he never normally fell asleep on the floor! Her first thought was that he had fainted. That worried her. Without thinking, she immediately knelt beside him and shifted Shei to her other hip. "S'rei, S'rei, are you all right?" she asked worriedly, shaking him. She still cared for the man, despite all that they had been through. She hesitated, and moved her free hand to his hair, and she ran her hand through the locks absently. He looked tired, even now. Were unconscious people supposed to look like that. Looking around him, the hides seemed to suggest he had been on the floor when this happened-- or maybe he had been walking while holding the hides? Reluctantly, she took her fingers from his hair. She hesitated, then shook him lightly again. Maybe he was asleep. "S'rei, are you all right?" she asked gently again, instinctively stroking the hair back that had fallen into his tired-looking face.
Aslath circled above the weyr slowly, deep in thought. She would have to apologize to Salenth, she thought, still feeling as guilty as she had when she had discussed this option with Shmee. Still, she felt she still had a little justification left because he had lied to her. But, like Shmee, she would ask Salenth why he had lied. He had hurt her pride, making it sound like he had avoided greenflights for her, only to give in so easily. He had buttered her up before stabbing her.
And how was she supposed to talk to Salenth first? She couldn't very well drop in and demand why he had lied. But she couldn't go in and act normal with him. So she continued to glide above the Weyr, rehearsing various things she might say to him. Shards, this was frustrating. Maybe if she just landed on her weyrledge and slowly started conversation with him... Yes. That would do it. Slowly spiraling back down to the weyrledge, she backwinged onto it to land gently there. She hesitated, then looked over at Salenth. Good morning, Salenth,[/color] she said in a low mind-voice. Solemn, but not arguing. Hopefully enough to lead up to a decent conversation.[/size]
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Post by reqqy on Aug 29, 2008 10:00:47 GMT -5
Too early for it to be good just yet, the bronze replied, at something of a loss for words and filling the gap with the first thing that popped into his head. He hadn't stirred at all since he noticed her landing on what had been their weyrledge, once upon a time. Salenth wasn't generally very active when his rider was asleep. Something about a sleeping presence in the back of his mind made him - well, lazy. He was definitely surprised, though, that she'd actually initiated a conversation with him. Even moreso that it seemed rather...mundane. Of what few words they'd exchanged in recent memory - and yes, Salenth had forgotten much of the conversations they'd had before the Flight, as his memory was no longer than a typical bronze's - none had been anywhere close to approaching polite.
The dragon shifted into a slightly more comfortable position that left him with an unobstructed view of the weyrledge and Aslath before settling again. We were expecting you back later in the day, he commented, a light questioning suffusing his tone. Why would they have returned early? Salenth knew through His that it took awhile to get everything ready if you were taking the hatchling somewhere, so it still must have been dark when Aslath's rider - if not the gold herself - had awoken. Nothing else had happened, had it? He hoped not. His was pretty much at the point where anything more would break him. Everything all right?
He groaned softly, batting at her hand as he finally responded to the words and the shaking. At first it hadn't even penetrated his sleep-fogged mind. After that he'd ignored it, hoping it would go away. Tired. Still so very tired. Now it was clear that the pestering would continue, and S'rei reluctantly opened an eye. It took him awhile even to understand who it was...The concerned expression simply didn't fit with his most recent memories of her, and she'd been away for a good while - nearly a month. A very long month. Drawing himself up into a sitting position, S'rei winced. Shardit. He was going to be sore after sleeping on the floor for what must have been quite awhile. The wingleader rubbed at his face wearily, pulling a scroll out from underneath his leg where it had been trapped when he moved.
"Shmee...you're early." No true expression crossed his face. Even half-asleep, the bronzerider was no longer responsive to his weyrmate. He didn't know if it would be clear he'd been waiting for her or not; knowing her, she wouldn't even be aware of how little time he'd spent in their weyr, even before she left. He was generally only desired if she needed something - otherwise, forgotten. It was a silly thing to do, anyway. Wanting to meet her when she returned. Trying to make himself presentable. Sleeping on the floor had certainly undone that last. "And I fell asleep," he added ruefully. His gaze flicked to Shei, instantly softening. How he'd missed his daughter!
The Weyrwoman had absolutely no idea how frantic he'd been when he first found out they'd left - or how angry upon finding the note. If Shmee wanted to up and leave on a whim without speaking to him first, that was her own right. But Shei was his, too. S'rei had been more than just a little furious, though there was nothing to take the anger out on. A month had buried the anger beneath resignation. But there was no mistaking his delight at seeing Shei again. He eased the babe from Shmee's hip and cradled her, not bothering to ask permission. Shei was his daughter, no matter how much Shmee might wish it were otherwise. "Hi you," he murmured, smiling at the tyke.
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Post by Administrator on Aug 29, 2008 23:44:45 GMT -5
Aslath hesitated. She was, at first, taken aback for a moment by Salenth's seeming concern, but she regained her composure quickly. Mine wanted to come back early,[/color] she replied, still trying to figure out how to wrap her mind around the idea of apologizing. She... missed Yours, I think,[/color] she said, unsure if Shmee would be upset at her for sharing that information with the bronze. She knew it was true, of course, so maybe having it sound a little doubtful wouldn't be too bad if she wanted to still remain somewhat true to her rider. She fell silent again, feeling as though she were backing down from coming out with an apology. Her pride had been battered so much lately, and this would undo it yet again. It wasn't as though apologizing would fix things with Salenth. He'd probably just get all cocky about having her apologize to him. She didn't like that idea. That thought was enough to make her unsure if she was doing the right thing.
We... left very early,[/color] she finally told him lamely. Now how on Pern would she be able to bring the focus onto something that could lead up to an apology?!
The moment he began to stir, Shmee withdrew her hand, as if afraid he might break it if he saw what she was doing. But he didn't seem to as he opened his eyes. She watched him tentatively as he slowly sat up. She ground her teeth anxiously. If things had been better, her instinct might have been to rub his back, which must not feel that great after sleeping on such an uncomfortable surface. But she didn't dare touch him as he was awake. She didn't want to be rejected by him again. She looked upon him with a soft expression. She had missed him so much, and looking at him made her hurt to remember that he was probably still hating her. But that was why she would talk to him, wasn't it? Because she needed to know why he hated her so she could fix it. An uneasy warm feeling wriggled in her stomach. She was scared of what he might tell her, but she needed to be strong and ask anyway.
"I know," she replied quietly. She didn't bother to explain that it was because she had been eager to see him again. She didn't want to come off as clingy. Besides, he wouldn't be as eager to see her. And judging by the tone of his words, she was probably right. Any hope Shmee might have had shattered right then.
She nodded stiffly. "Asleep on the floor?" she commented hollowly. She paused. "I... I was worried that you might have fainted... or something..." She chewed her lip, regretting what she had said instantly. He would see her as clingy for saying that. Still, she just needed to plow through. She couldn't take the words back, so, as her mindhealer might have said, she might as well just move on.
Shmee didn't protest as S'rei took Shei from her. He looked so happy to see the babe again. "She missed you," she told him even more softly, trying to keep the words free of her own emotion. But it still hurt, she found. It hurt her terribly to think of him dismissing her in such a way. But she wasn't going to just up and leave now. She needed to talk with him, whether she liked it or not.
"I... I was wondering lately," she said slowly, feeling herself getting increasingly nervous with each word. What she had rehearsed saying to him in her mind was suddenly out of her reach, and she stumbled as she tried to find a different way to put it. "I mean, I... No, never mind, I... I was trying to figure it out the past month, but I need to hear... I mean, for myself, so I don't just assume why without really knowing... But... why do you hate me?" she blurted out. There, she said it. Immediately, she turned a deep shade of red. That sick feeling in her stomach attacked her more. She wasn't going to throw up, but it made her feel queasy. She looked down, scared of what he would say in response.[/size]
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Post by reqqy on Sept 1, 2008 0:30:54 GMT -5
You think. It wasn't so much a challenge as a placeholder. Aslath thought that Hers missed ReiMine, and that's why she wanted to come back early? Shouldn't she know? Because of the complete open communication between him and His, he found it difficult to wrap his mind around a dragon not knowing for sure the motivations - or at least the motivations as perceived by their rider - of their bonded. It's probably confusing because she doesn't miss me, but rather what I can do for her. The bronze offered His a mental shrug. You know what my advice would be. I don't understand what keeps you from leaving. The hatchling, yes, but it's more than that, and I don't understand it. She hurts you. Yes. Salenth growled softly in his frustration. If it helps any, it doesn't make much more sense to me. It doesn't help.
Salenth eyed the golden form with a certain measure of weariness. She'd started talking to him, hadn't she? Now he was going to be expected to carry the conversation? What more was there to say on the topic of their early arrival, since clearly there was nothing wrong? The bronze seriously considered going to sleep himself, but His needed him awake right now. He couldn't exactly just ignore Aslath, since the last thing anyone needed was tempers flaring between the dragons as well as the riders. Everything has been quiet this past month, he finally offered. Oh, Aslath and Hers had likely been updated regularly on the goings-on at Selenitas, but he figured it was at least courteous to make some sort of report. No major problems with the wings that we're aware of. Although Millieth will Rise soon, if you haven't made plans for that already. Of course Salenth knew that the gold was growing near to her Flight. A couple tendays - a month at the most - and she would Fly. You could tell with golds earlier than greens. Or maybe it was just because he was a bronze.
He kept his face carefully neutral, not wanting to give Shmee the satisfaction of seeing his hurt. Why had she shied away from him like that? No, he didn't expect her to want to cuddle with him or caress him, but...to treat him like he had the plague? S'rei knew he couldn't quite keep the small tick from his jawline - such a bothersome nervous habit, that - but it was on the side of his face away from her, so he doubted she'd notice. All the better. If she did, she'd either mock him, completely ignore its significance, or misinterpret it as something else and strike him again. S'rei didn't find it at all fair that she resorted to hitting him when he refused to lift a hand against her. It was chivalry, and it was respect for the fact that she was weaker than him, but still equal in his eyes. Why she took advantage of that to abuse him was beyond the bronzerider. Even at his worst, he honestly felt he didn't deserve to be manhandled.
At her question, his eyes flickered, a hand drifting toward one of the scrolls in subconscious response. "I was...reading up on things. Just kind of happened." S'rei was not about to admit he was losing sleep over her. She'd taken advantage of his weakness and good will one too many times for him to expose himself like that again. He did chuckle a little wryly at her next comment, though. Fainted? Genuine worry, or wishful thinking? Maybe worry, but, if that was the case, he was sure she was worried more because it would be embarrassing for her to call in a healer. Especially Kalierre, whom she usually called, for the dragonhealer would know in an instant that he'd let himself go. Did Shmee notice? No, he didn't think so. She didn't care enough to, or simply wasn't observant; she'd use that knowledge, otherwise, and she hadn't as of yet. "No, I didn't faint."
Saying nothing to Shmee's reference about Shei, he pointedly directed his mind toward the babe before he could grow angry again. His daughter wouldn't have missed him if Shmee hadn't spirited her away without so much as a 'by your leave.' As if, because he'd been unable to be there for the birth, he somehow was any less the father to his own child. He'd been afraid for both of them when they turned up missing. Didn't Shmee ever think? She'd already been kidnapped once, and yes, he did still fear for her. The idea of his daughter, though, in someone else's hands...frankly terrified him. She'd left the note, which was better than nothing at all, but by the time he found it he'd already been frantic with worry.
Even if she somehow didn't think he'd be worried about her, she must know how attached to Shei he was. That was simply cruel...or completely thoughtless. Either way, it had only further driven the wedge into his heart.
His eyes still glued to little Shei's, the man cradling her close to snatch some comfort from the child who cooed and settled in his arms peacefully, S'rei listened to the stumbled words in a state of mild confusion. What was she trying to say? His eyes finally drifted upward, brows drawn in, the wingleader's gaze clearly questioning. He couldn't keep the surprise from flitting over his face, his carefully neutral expression crumbling in an instant, although what showed now was simply the shock of the words. "Hate you? I don't hate you, Shmee. If it were that easy..." He didn't finish the statement, instead shaking his head. "I don't hate you. I don't think I could." Gazing at the goldrider searchingly, he decided that this was likely some attempt of hers to try to guilt him into bending to her whims.
He'd be careful, of course. If she truly thought that he hated her - that made no sense. But this was also Shmee they were talking about, and that meant she didn't have to make sense. S'rei wavered uncertainly.
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Post by Administrator on Sept 1, 2008 15:06:46 GMT -5
Aslath's tail twitched slightly. Was he trying to draw the real answer out of her? She knew that Shmee did miss S'rei, but Salenth's suggestion of his words bothered her. Did he not believe that Shmee did miss His? That angered her. I /know/ she did![/color] she told him hotly. If you /really/ want the answer, then yes, she did miss him.[/color] She paused for a long moment, using it to cool off. She didn't mean to have gotten so angry so quickly. She didn't like how he seemed to be challenging her so soon. Her breathing slowed as she forced herself to calm. Like many queens, she had reasoned with Shmee, she had heavy temper issues. That, in addition to how quickly she connected things to emotion (like her rider), it ended in disastrous results. So she needed to work on being calm. She huffed, and flicked her tail. Aslath needed to chill. So she let him speak without interruption.
I am sorry. I had wanted to try keeping things lighter in this conversation,[/color] she told him, forcing the stiffness out of her mind-tone. She needed to relax, to be flexible again... Not a monster.
Going on to actually reply to what he had said, she replied, I am glad that things are being quiet.[/color] But the update on Millieth was new to her. Conflicting emotions threatened to flow. She was dying of curiosity to know whether or not Salenth would remain here. She didn't expect him to come with her-- not after everything that had happened. Still, there was a little jealous bug in her system. She didn't want Millieth to have her-- or what had been her-- bronze. She decided to spare this news from Shmee for the time being. She probably would get upset and try to figure out what Salenth's would do in that time. I... I mean, ShMine was planning on spending some more time in the Hold at Millieth's next Flight. I just didn't realize she would be Rising so soon,[/color] she told him, resisting the urge to ask him his plans. She was proud of herself. She wouldn't look like she was clinging to him. Though, she truely didn't know why she would. He had hurt her pride terribly. She still needed to find a new bronze once this was all over. Maybe it would ease things more.
Shmee hadn't noticed his tick. She had actually thought that she was being quite good, not clinging to him so much. She allowed herself to relax a little, and she watched him nervously. She had never been so nervous to have a conversation with S'rei before, and frankly, she hated it. "Sleeping while reading?" she remarked, her voice quiet, and a very subtle undertone of fondness in the tone might have been able to be gleaned if he paid enough attention. "You shouldn't stay up so late, then." She hoped it didn't sound too much like scolding, but she wanted to chide him a little for that. If only he had done that, he would be spared the discomfort of sleeping on the floor, and she would've been spared the worry. At least he hadn't fainted. A small blessing, that.
Watching him hold Shei, Shmee felt guilty. She hadn't told him about her little trip to Selenitas Hold was because she knew that he would protest her taking of Shei, but she could see from the way that he was holding the babe that he had missed her dearly. She looked from the babe's happy expression to S'rei's, a clear sadness coming into her blue eyes. She would apologize later for taking the babe like that, she thought guiltily. Once she talked with S'rei, she would leave, and give him some time alone with Shei. But she would apologize before then.
Shmee was still looking at his face when the look of surprise crossed it. She frowned. But his words were enough to give her a look of surprise. She stared at him stupidly, trying to register them. He... didn't hate her? She had expected him to calmly explain, in detail, the things that she had done that had led him to hating her. But this? This was unexpected. He had made it so clear that he hated her. He had done those sexual things to her and then got sulky about it, he had told her that he only stayed in her weyr for Shei, he didn't believe that she had been raped... Yet he didn't hate her? It made no sense to Shmee, who just stared at him incredulously.
"But," she began, but she bit her lip. But what? She chewed her lip nervously. She honestly had believed that he had hated her. So now what? She was silent for a long moment, during which she slowly brought her knees to her chest. Wrapping her arms around them, she looked back down at Shei, unsure if she could look back up at S'rei. She didn't want to feel obliged to say anything by looking into his eyes, because she didn't know what to say. But slowly, words formed in her mind. Even though they were shaky, it was the best she could plan.
"...Then... why did you say all that stuff to me?" she asked vaguely, her voice getting softer and softer till it was little over a whisper. It was perhaps because of the fact that she was worried he wouldn't like her question, or that she was worried he'd raise his voice at what she said. It made no sense why he would say all the things he had to her if he didn't hate her. This was a lot more complicated than she had imagined.[/size]
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Post by reqqy on Sept 2, 2008 0:10:32 GMT -5
Salenth visibly jerked at Aslath's raised voice, his eyes suddenly whirling in distressed alarm. Queens screaming in rage really had only one effect on him. It was all the bronze could do to prevent himself from darting back into the cliff and curling behind the couch to escape the enraged shrieking. The words themselves were quite nearly lost on him. ReiMine's attention was instantly fully with Salenth in undisguised worry, the man trying to calm his mindmate simply by making his presence known. It helped. A little. It also helped that Aslath apologized, or, rather, that she stopped the near-scream. Several moments passed before Salenth regained his equilibrium, the bronze decidedly quiet.
The bronze had no earthly clue what he'd done wrong. He was trying his best to be polite. Shuddering a little, he forced his mind back to what she was saying. Keep...what things lighter? Salenth didn't dare ask that question, though, for fear she'd be screaming at him again. Safe topics. Safe topics. If she's upsetting you too much, I'll talk to Shmee, His interjected, a cold rage behind his tone. It was so rare for Salenth to be this distressed that ReiMine was practically seething. The bronze didn't want to see what would happen if His and Aslath's got into a shouting match, though, and quickly reassured His before ReiMine could do anything rash.
Taking the cue from Aslath - and no, her sudden control didn't really make him feel any less nervous, given she seemed to explode quickly and suddenly, quite out of the blue - Salenth forced his mindtone into something nearly neutral. A month. No more. She has begun to glow a little, he added, completely noncommittal. There was nothing to suggest that this news excited him. In truth, it didn't. He'd chase Millieth, quite frankly, if he was anywhere around the weyr at the time of her Rising, and given that he wasn't Aslath's mate anymore and he had a wing beneath him - he probably would be. Salenth didn't bother to point out the obvious. If she'd been upset about a green, she'd probably be more upset about a gold, but she obviously didn't want him and he didn't feel like penalizing the members of his wing just to go off and be hated at.
Quite frankly, S'rei had been put into a decidedly foul temper by Salenth's disquiet, which didn't bode well for Shmee when she decided to lay on those gems of wonderful advice. The bronzerider's anger masked the flare of hurt - that she either didn't know why he couldn't sleep or was throwing it in his face just to be malicious. Both of these were masked by the slight shrug of one shoulder, however - a clearly dismissive shrug. S'rei didn't trust himself to respond to that without getting aggressively argumentative, and he truly didn't feel up to another fight with her right now. The bronzerider was so emotionally weary the very thought of it made his head hurt.
He simply held Shei and used it as an excuse to mostly ignore Shmee. His light in a dark world, little Shei - along with Salenth, of course. His ball and chain, too, so to speak, but how could he possibly fault the babe for that? In the end, it was S'rei's foolish decision to get involved with a goldrider, though he knew how ridiculously stupid that was. So very stupid. He'd gone and fallen in love with her, too, which, despite the general idea people had about love, was more like smashing your head in and tearing your insides out of your chest than anything remotely - pleasant. But they'd produced Shei, the two of them, and thus far the child was nothing but a joy to him. He poked at her nose, smiling slightly when his daugther went cross-eyed to try to see his finger and latched onto it with one tiny hand.
S'rei's brow furrowed more at the Weyrwoman's obvious surprise. What was this? Did she really, truly believe he hated her? That was just...ridiculous. Even if he'd been completely furious at Shmee - even if she'd destroyed what love he had for her - the man wouldn't hate her. Pity her, perhaps. Almost certainly despise her. But hate was such a strong emotion, and S'rei could honestly say he didn't hate anyone that he was aware of. No, not even C'leon. Now, he'd kill the northern Weyrleader without a second thought if it would insure the safety of the people he cared for, or of anyone at Selenitas, really. But it wasn't hate. S'rei truly didn't wish anything like the worst possible death or something on his undeclared rival, and he wasn't driven by vengeance in the least.
This, too, did little but drive the blade deeper. He was bleeding so badly now he hardly felt it; it was expected.
At first he didn't understand her question. Then he realized she must be talking of when he'd told her, without anything to soften the blow, that, if not for Shei, he would have already left. So. She thought that was hate, did she? It was little more than self-preservation. Just being around her was...unbearably painful. Being separated from her was just as bad, as his insomnia and utter lack of appetite clearly demonstrated during the time she was gone. He thought, though, that if he could just walk, he could let this whole experience go, given time.
S'rei's face had closed off again, his words tight with controlled emotion - though it was hard to tell what emotion that might be. "I said what I did because it's the truth." The situation reduced to utter simplicity. The bronzerider would not tell her he loved her - could not form the words. She'd just use it against him. If not now, then later. Better if she didn't realize...though how she couldn't was beyond him. Did she know him so little, after the turns they'd shared? Not a large percentage of his life, no, but it was enough time that she should at least know him a little.
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Post by Administrator on Sept 7, 2008 23:17:04 GMT -5
Aslath felt awful when she saw that Salenth had recoiled at her words. She hadn't meant to sound that forceful, and she knew that this was not going to be helping things at all if she wanted to patch things up with them. She shifted uncomfortably, fighting her maternal instinct to croon and coddle. Though, she would do that with anything, not just Salenth. She hated to see suffering, let alone be the cause of it. Still, she held her tongue on that subject. She had already apologized, and that was all that could be done. Her eyes whirled anxiously.
A month,[/color] she repeated to herself distantly. She couldn't figure out if he meant that he would Chase. Greens, she had finally accepted, were nothing. But if he were going to Chase another queen, she could be genuinely... worried? No. He wasn't her bronze anymore, was he? Anxious, then? Regardless of whether or not he was her bronze, Salenth was the bronze she knew best, the bronze that she was closest with. Letting Millieth have him was not something she liked, even if he didn't like her right now. Aslath shifted on her feet again, guilt bubbling over her. She hated this. She had overreacted, and now Salenth was scared of her, and she wanted him back, for reasons unknown. She had more of a connection with him than any other bronze. The few memories she had were mostly with Salenth. They comforted each other when they needed to. She had felt special with him, and she treated him likewise. She hated the idea of that dying out.
With a new resolve, she said, Look, I overreacted during the Flight. I was just... unused to seeing you go after Tanith, especially since you had never Chased a green before and so soon after giving me the shiny. That made Mine panic, and made me panic more... And it all just blew up.[/color] She paused, hesitant. So I am sorry for that. But... why didn't you try coming to me after?[/color] There, the one part she didn't understand. She earnestly hoped that the answer was that it was because he wanted to be with Tanith more...
Shmee began to grind her teeth again. Yet another habit she had picked up lately. It wasn't an action of anger or hate, but a habit of sheer nervousness. "I... I just didn't understand, I'm sorry," she murmured. She still didn't understand. She didn't understand why he would say something like that unless he truly hated her. "It's confusing, I don't get it," she added, shaking her head lightly. She loved the man, and what he had said was the worst spike he could drive in her. It frightened her, the thought of not being with him or not being his lover. That he had thought she was a liar... But she shoved that thought away. She couldn't think about that now.
She slowly looked back over to him, looking up and down his thin body. He didn't look well, but he wouldn't want her coddling him so randomly if he wanted to move out. She squeezed her arms around her legs even more tightly, and she ground her teeth even harder. He truthfully had wanted to move out, but had stayed for Shei. It was hard to picture that being anything more than hate. Then was it dislike? Had he liked being with Aliscia more?
"I..." she began, but stopped, not sure what she was going to say. Shaking her head again, she sighed. Releasing her legs, she slowly got up. "Whatever I did that makes you say that, then... I'm sorry." She was sorry that she couldn't be the woman he wanted. She wasn't built like Aliscia, she wasn't relaxed, she wasn't carrying his child... No. She was just the ragdoll that she let I'mny use for his pleasure and someone who helped take care of the babe. Looking him over again, she said distantly, "Do you want any klah? I'm going to make some." And you look like you need it, she thought. She could let him cuddle the babe while she made it. Faranth knew that he wouldn't want to look at her face anymore right now.[/size]
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Post by reqqy on Sept 9, 2008 6:28:17 GMT -5
Yes. A month. She sounded...surprised. Didn't she realize how close it was? Oh well. He'd never figure out what was instinct for golds and what wasn't, because he was fairly certain Aslath wasn't a normal gold. At one point, he would have thought that affectionately. Salenth wondered what had changed. He'd been - occasionally irked or confused by her, yes, but it hadn't really been bad. Not until she got so incredibly emotional on him. Salenth didn't much understand raw emotion. Even anger and fear were things that he didn't just release without some sort of thought. Perhaps it was because ReiMine was big on being fair, but the bronze truly didn't understand it when dragons or people treated him with anything less than a rationality that weighed events and judged accordingly.
This conversation felt completely awkward. Some of it was Aslath's emotion, and some his own uncertainty. Last he knew, Salenth was shunned, and she wasn't speaking with him. Only for those few brief moments because of Hers. He didn't know what to think of this rather strange turn of events. Her apology only had him more confused at first. He understood what she was saying. It was just - entirely unexpected. And Salenth sat there for the longest time, unsure. The bronze hadn't even realized that he wasn't chasing greens with Aslath, to be honest. He'd always been quick to join Flights, whether he had a golden weyrmate or no. Maybe it was ReiMine's influence? He couldn't be sure. It hadn't even occurred to him that his actions would strike Aslath as weird, but, in this light - That actually made sense.
How to even answer this? Salenth thought for another moment or so, then realized that the thinking probably wasn't going to get him anywhere, and he might as well just be direct about it. A touch of genuine puzzlement entered into his words. I hadn't realized...that I'd never Chased a green with you. That's actually unusual for me. How would she take that? He wasn't sure. It was the truth, though. Did she think that he never would Chase a green? It seemed odd that she wouldn't at least notice that most males Chased more than one dragon, even if they had one constant weyrmate. It was just too long. The instinct was too strong, and you weren't Rising for another turn. Tanith is...a good challenge in the air, but she really isn't someone I would spend much time with out of Flight. She's actually kind of disturbing. Reminds me too much of the north and the sort of dragons bred there.
Her question, though, was something of a difficult one. Salenth shifted uncomfortably. I slept for...awhile. Like with you. But you had screamed when I gave Chase. Golds screaming is...unpleasant. Much worse close up. So I just tried to get you to answer me, but you wouldn't. I didn't want to make you mad about me trying to find you. Now he was actually a bit embarrassed. This was going to sound downright cowardly, but really, golds had a horrible effect on any dragon when shrieking. So I...went to the mountains. But even then, you still didn't answer me, not until I mentioned ReiMine being worried, and then you sounded angry enough to murder me, so I kept my distance.
And that was...pretty much that. He wasn't sure how she'd respond. Aslath was definitely something of a wildcard.
S'rei stared at Shmee blankly, forgetting he was trying to ignore her, and his brow furrowed up tight. This made very little sense. He didn't get this woman at all. How difficult was it to understand that she kept on pushing him? That her every action, it seemed, only served to hurt him more? How difficult to understand that he just wanted to be away from the entire situation and leave her to cut herself, or to find someone else who could handle the constant emotional strain? The bronzerider was just weary and feeling underappreciated. Unloved. Really, was it that difficult to grasp. He would have thought it was a simple enough concept. If something hurts, shy away from it. Wasn't that a basic human instinct? Was that broken in Shmee as well?
When he spoke, it was soft and measured - deceptively so. He refused to let anything like hurt or anger into his tone. That would give too much away. And, when he finally spoke, he didn't look at her, either. Just at Shei. His Shei. "You wouldn't respond to me, and yes, I got more upset than I probably should have. It hurt my pride. But...instead of acting like you even cared that I was upset about it, you more or less called me stupid and slapped me around. I know I wasn't being rational about it. Still, you didn't have to...It doesn't matter. Then I just started noticing that it's always about you and what you want and I'm just here as some sort of fixture. A happy pill to pet Shmee and make her feel good, and she can ignore me until she needs to pull me out of her closet again. I'm just tired of being used. It's not that difficult to understand, is it? Just tired, Shmee."
S'rei merely nodded at the mention of klah, making no move to get up and follow after her. He truly had no desire to do so. Strangely, it had taken more out of him to simply speak everything into the air - as if that somehow spoke it into being, made it permanently true and not just...something understood. The man was truly tired and would have just liked to curl up with Shei - possibly on the floor - and return to sleep for another day. Or two. Though he knew his insomnia likely wouldn't let him. Klah sounded like...a good idea.
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Post by Administrator on Sept 13, 2008 18:57:21 GMT -5
Aslath was silent. He usually Chased other greens when he had a weyrmate? This was news to her. She blinked, looking up at him with her eyes whirling in confusion. I did not know that, so I did not expect it. Especially since you had given me the shiny, too. I thought it meant that I was the only one you would Chase and the only one that you would be happy sharing a weyrledge with.[/color] Her tone was soft, and the insecurity could be heard very faintly in it. If it was something that I was more accustomed to knowing, I would probably not have been angered, and Mine would not have been scared. I was going off something that I expected, so I apologize for becoming angry.[/color] She said it honestly. It was true that if she had known that he was apt to Chasing greens, she probably would have not even noticed it. But she hadn't known, and it had hurt.
She did look up curiously as he mentioned that Tanith was disturbing. Privately, she was relieved he thought that way about her, but she didn't want to say it out loud, for fear of driving him off. So you only Chased because you were desperate and couldn't control yourself?[/color] she asked slowly. Unlike humans, this idea made sense to her. But there was still a gray area. Were you not desperate to do it back where you had been?[/color] she asked, the confusion returning to her multi-faceted eyes. This was the final detail she wanted: How he was able to restrain himself back where he was, but not able to when he was with his weyrmate again.
Aslath shifted uncomfortably with what he said. I was mad, yes, but I was ignoring you because my rider didn't want anyone to find her, and I was respecting her wishes. She was upset, but she wasn't severely injured, so I stayed with her and didn't speak to anyone like she asked. If she had been really badly hurt, I would have gotten help, but her mind was crumbled and I didn't want to make it worse by not doing what she asked.[/color] Hers' head had hurt a bit, but she hadn't thrown up too much since she had stumbled out of I'mny's apartment, and she hadn't been bleeding too badly. So it was better, in Aslath's opinion, to let her be treated later, and take care of her mind first. And you didn't ask about /me/, you were asking about Mine for Yours, when you did try to get my attention,[/color] she added distantly. That had made a difference, too.
Trying to make the conversation lighter, she rumbled a little with nervous laughter. I do not kill, anyway... I only bite.[/color] Maybe a joke would make things better?
Shmee continued to keep her back to him as S'rei spoke, but she said nothing. She simply listened. His words were like heavy blows to her stomach. She hadn't meant for him to think of her that way. She loved him, and not just in a 'Make-me-feel-better' sense. Sure, she loved how he did that, but did he not realize that she wanted to make him feel good, too? She wanted to be his happy pill. She had been angry that night because he had done that to her and then gone off to sulk. Love wasn't measured in how many times you were able to pleasure your lover.
Automatically, she walked to the little kitchen, taking out the little jar of dried klah bark. "What I've noticed, about sex," she said, keeping her hands busy to keep herself from playing with the hem of her tunic, "is that we're all so irrational when we're actual in the mindset." Grabbing the little kettle, she poured water into it from a pitcher that they kept on the table. "Everyone fantasizes about different things, everyone's turned on by different things... but it adds up to nothing. That was your fantasy, you acted on it. It warmed up my body, and your actions managed to make me want the fantasy, too, and I enjoyed it."
Striding over to the fire, she set the kettle up while continuing to talk. She sounded oddly calm as she did so, and let the words just seep out of her to just keep her moving. "But fantasies aren't reality. I'm guessing that you shoved in too much reality into the fantasy, and sure as hell, I got confused, and neither of us understood it. But think of it: Sexual fantasies are meant to stir up the body, even if they're horrible." She sighed, crouching beside the fire, and continued to look into it. "I don't know. What happened was that you had your fantasy, and made it so my body accepted it. Then... my body enjoyed it. But that has nothing to do with my mind, and it has nothing to do with your skill in bed. You were setting the scene to some sort of play. You played it out in a way that made my body react perfectly. It was new for me, different. You went out of your way to make it perfect. Maybe a part of it was that I was out of my reality. I was still afraid of you, to an extent, after what we did when you had come to my weyr for the first time after coming back. You broke that mindset by doing what you did." And I'mny brought a new one in, she thought bitterly.
She laughed a little, a tinge of sadness in it. "I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm sorry for not handling it the way I should have. You know that insecurity thing. You're upset, so it must have been something I did," she told him, sarcasm lacing the tone as it described wordlessly the disgust she felt with herself.
Taking the poker, she jabbed at the flames, watching the ash rise into the air. She resisted the urge to grind her teeth, somewhat proud that she caught it this time. Usually, she didn't notice when she wanted to grind. "I didn't mean to come off as selfish, but I guess I did," she said, her voice softening again. "I love you, and I want you to be happy. I love seeing you when you're cuddling the child we made, I love hearing your voice when you're happy about something... Yes, I guess I use you to make me happy, but know that while I did so, I would have done everything in my power to return the favor if you ever needed it." She paused. "But you never asked. So how else could I show you?"
She had spoken too much, but her little disorganized speech had cleared her own mind, even if it didn't for S'rei. There was emptiness, but it was the same emptiness she had had since the Flight. She no longer felt as nervous about being with S'rei at this moment. She could make their klah, she could go to their room (presumably to sew some more), and she'd let him have time with Shei. But she wasn't worried about what would come after that-- she had managed to calm her nerves enough to not be.[/size]
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Post by reqqy on Sept 14, 2008 7:49:45 GMT -5
The bronze was slowly beginning to relax as it became clear that Aslath wasn't going to be screaming at him again anytime soon. He felt a little guilty, though. Just a bit. It hadn't even crossed his mind that his usual chasing pattern had been off, in all honesty. Salenth tended to be sensitive to ReiMine, who had still been reeling from the death of - that woman - couldn't remember her name now. So he hadn't chased like he normally would before Aslath. As to why he didn't chase greens afterwards? That was something of a mystery.
Salenth pressed himself against the stones. He really couldn't blame Aslath much for getting upset, in this light. It made a little sense. Not a lot, mind you, since it was still strange for any gold to worry about their mate and a green, but...Aslath was young and obviously confused on several counts. He wasn't her mate anymore, either, so that didn't help make it easier for him to relate. Yes, something like that. More like unbearably horny after four turns of celibacy, but she was close enough. The next question was not really an easy one, though. It's...complicated. We were in a place we shouldn't have been. A dangerous place that would likely kill ReiMine if they recognized us, so to Chase - would have been far too great a risk. She could understand that, couldn't she? That no matter how great the desperation, self-preservation would win out?
Listening to the long explanation, he merely grew confused again. She hadn't talked to him...because Hers didn't want her to? Since when had golds gotten so docile as to leave their mindmates in anguish, simply because their crazy riders didn't want to be helped? Salenth didn't understand. He'd quite literally dropped His from a cliff to get him responsive and out of emotional ruts before, so he just couldn't relate. At all. Humans were not rational creatures, and couldn't be trusted to always know what was best for them. There are different types of hurt, he stated, slowly. I would never have thought you were ignoring me for Yours. You could have spoken without talking about Yours at all. And...that doesn't make sense. If it were Mine throwing up a fuss, I would ignore him. Humans don't always know what's best.
The bronze curled up a little, letting the sun bake his hide. I wanted to talk to you. But I gave up after awhile, when you wouldn't respond. ReiMine was so scared for Yours, though, that I had to try again for his sake, even if you hated me. It seemed perfectly logical to Salenth. You couldn't very well converse with someone who wouldn't respond, but neither could you just allow Yours to be in such emotional distress without trying to help in some way.
None of the things Shmee was saying were things he didn't know. Even though he didn't feel she fully understood what it was she was talking about. She was a child. Had she even really had much in the way of lovers before him? How could she possibly think she understood any of this better than he did? S'rei knew full-well his reaction hadn't been rational, and yes, he knew that love wasn't measured by something physical like that. But neither was it as negligible as she tried to imply. The truth of the matter was that she hadn't trusted him with her, and that had stung. Especially considering their first encounter on his return was something she completely brought on herself. Working him up while screaming and hitting him...then not letting him leave. He was a man. A man who, though southern, was not untainted by the north - and, even so, there was just a breaking point. A man could only be stimulated so long, and it was never good to have sex while angry, especially with someone of S'rei's size.
It really was the lack of trust for months afterward that stung the most. That was only a prick compared to what truly threw this relationship on the rocks, though. In the end, their sex life had bothered him, but that would never be enough to make their relationship shaky.
He looked up at her back, thinking about just coming out and saying it, how he didn't do well with women striking him. It wasn't fair when he couldn't very well strike back. What would she have done if he'd slapped her in return? More, with all his force behind it as she had? If it didn't break her neck...which was very much a possibility. This was why he didn't manhandle her. He couldn't. Oh, she'd slapped him before, but always for a reason, and never more than once. This time she'd just slapped him because he was upset. How could you say you loved someone when you reacted violently to their distress? How was that even possible?
S'rei didn't want to talk about this. "Yeah. Whatever." Just let it go, Shmee. Before you make me angry. He let Shei take some of the negative emotions. It truly was hard to stay quite as upset with such a small, loving creature in your arms. Her baby hands were still coiled in his shirt. He reached down to wipe some drool from the corner of her mouth, the babe deciding she wanted his arm and sinking her teeth into his sleeve, where she sucked at the material.
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Post by Administrator on Sept 19, 2008 22:34:30 GMT -5
Oh, it was all so confusing for Aslath. She grunted softly in reply. So Salenth was only desperate to Chase. Dragons didn't have it easy when it came to Flights, she assumed. Males had to Chase every once in a good while, and queens had to do it as duty to their Weyr. She had been a bit harsh, she supposed, but she had thought he had overcome that since he had lived with her for so long. She admitted that fault, at least. She hadn't considered the fact that he was simply unused to going for so long without Flying. Guilt assuaged the gold. Why had she gotten upset, anyway? Green Tanith was clearly inferior, and was only a tool for Salenth to use to satisfy his needs. It would have been harder for Shmee, now that she looked at it. Humans were more emotionally invested in who-Flew-who. If Aslath had been used to it, she would've been fine. It had just been difficult for the young queen to understand that he had Chased Tanith out of pure animal desire rather than wanting to cuddle the green. This was a soothing thought.
And what was this Salenth was talking about? She didn't remember that he had tried to tell her of this before, and her eyes began to whirl in concern. How could you be somewhere you should not have been? Was it Benden or Fort?[/color] she asked anxiously. Ohhh, Hers would be so upset if she knew that Salenth's could have been killed! I... I am glad that you both lived through that, then,[/color] she told him softly. I am sure that Mine would be, too, if she knew.[/color] But she knew the only way of how to have things be better between their mindmates would be if they did it themselves. She wasn't going to use Salenth to try and fix her rider's problems, particularly when she didn't know how well they would be right at that moment. She wanted so much for them to be better, but Salenth probably wouldn't forgive her after what happened with Tanith.
Aslath let out a long, light huff. I suppose I could have,[/color] she said slowly. I just... I don't know. I /was/ still angry at you, and I was worried so much about Mine... All I wanted was to be there for Mine. I hadn’t seen her mind so crumbled since she had been taken by Benden, and it scared me. Did… Yours really not believe her when she said what Tekisith’s did?[/color] Her curiosity had gotten the better of her. She wouldn’t do anything rash, like yell at S’rei or something, but maybe if she could find the root of the reason, she could help work it better with Shmee so that Salenth’s didn’t see her as a liar.
She fell silent. He had actually been trying to talk to her? And Salenth’s had been scared for Shmee… Somehow, this was upsetting. They did care for one another, all four of them. Then everything managed to disintegrate. I am sorry,[/color] she replied weakly. Shells, how she would kill to make things the way that they were! I… was stupid,[/color] she told him softly. Faranth, how she was!
Shmee, too, was silent as S’rei replied so harshly to her words. They hurt so much to hear, but she had said all that she could. It wasn’t worth trying to work with the man anymore, she figured. Wordlessly, she slowly went to grab some ceramic mugs, and filled them with water from the pot. His words continued to resonate in her mind. Yeah. Whatever. was what he had said. He truly didn’t care, and it burned inside her. She cared about him so much, but he didn’t return the feeling. She ached to cuddle him to her, to love him, and to have him allow her to take care of him. But that brutal dismissal…
Pouring in the klah bark, she set his down beside him, and she looked down into it dully as she remained standing. She was unable to meet his gaze. “I’ll… be around. If you want to talk again,” she told him softly. With that, she took her own klah and fetched her bags. She’d find a different occasion to give him the shirts that she had made. If there ever was an occasion. Resisting the urge to look back at him, she slowly made her way to her weyr, to sew, and probably to grind her teeth as hard as she could. Not that she’d ever realize the latter.[/size]
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Post by reqqy on Sept 21, 2008 7:30:17 GMT -5
Salenth was just about to explain again when he remembered that ReiMine didn't want him speaking of the strange time jumps. Part of it was that Ciceroth's had asked them to keep it quiet, but mostly the man simply didn't want people asking questions and trying to get him to repeat the instance. Salenth could understand that; he didn't want to chance never being able to return again, either. He settled for as much of the truth as he could safely give. Yes. We are especially hated at Fort. It is why ReiMine changed his appearance. That answer seemed a safe one. After all, it would only make sense that Fort in particular would dislike a former Benden wingleader, even if the wing had been a strictly non-combatant wing. We were...prevented...from returning right away.
Salenth briefly considered mentioning the fact that Aslath's would be relieved, but at the growing anger in his mind, he knew that ReiMine was still keeping tabs on this conversation. More, he was obstinately refusing to believe that Aslath's would care beyond how it would inconvenience her to have to raise a child on her own. The bronze released a mental sigh. Why must you be so stony? Isn't it possible that Aslath's really just was acting poorly? No answer, but from the feel of the man's mind, Salenth could tell that ReiMine found the idea ludicrous.
The dragon found himself sympathetic to Aslath; he knew what it was like to have a mindmate floundering. It often distracted you from all else. Her question, though...eh. He still does, Salenth replied honestly. He's seen a lot of people who have been...Flown unwillingly. Yours was not acting like they did. He thought - thinks - that she likely was overcome with lust, then felt bad about it and made up the story. It doesn't matter to him that she Flew with someone else, though, so he doesn't understand why she would lie about that. Flightlust can do strange things to a person's head. Most of these words were coming right out of ReiMine's thoughts at the moment.
Honestly, though, I don't think she would receive much of a better reaction if she had been Flown against her will. She should not have been there. It's insulting to him to have his weyrmate expose herself in such a manner over a Flight, honestly. It says that she doesnt...trust him. That she somehow thinks a Flight will mean he'll want to leave her just because I chased or Flew someone other than you. And, much as Salenth didn't understand a lot of the emotions coming from His, this one he rather agreed with. It was insulting to have your mate intrude on a Flight - or your former mate, as the case may be.
The great bronze was frankly astounded when Aslath apologized. He rose, his wings flaring for a moment beneath the sunlight as he stretched out the kinks, and then Salenth slid from the ledge and spiraled lazily downward, carefully landing so as not to disturb Aslath. None of us have been acting as we should, the bronze stated. They hadn't been, had they? Salenth himself could have been more forceful as far as trying to repair the relationship between himself and the gold, but he frankly wasn't certain if he wanted to. Ever since he'd gotten back, Aslath had been almost unbearably controlling, and she wasn't always nice about it. Some of it was she was clutching at the time, but she hadn't been when Tanith rose, and, in general, Salenth tried to avoid getting yelled at by golds. It always terrified him, and he hated feeling the terror.
Only as Shmee was leaving did S'rei pause long enough to truly look at her, the neutral mask of his face falling away. Pain and yearning were etched clearly in his eyes as he watched her vanish through the open door. He shook his head with a soft growl, looking down at the klah on the floor, his hand dropping so as to allow his finger to trace lightly along the rim. The fingers slipped down. She'd been touching it, right here, hadn't she? He could almost imagine he felt the warmth of her skin, still lingering there. Was it crazy to wish he were a mug, just to receive Shmee's indifferent touch? He swallowed. S'rei wanted to believe that her words were true, that her bringing him this was some...sign...that he was mistaken, but...It just didn't seem that way. Couldn't seem that way.
The bronzerider could not handle the knowledge that her love for him was nothing more than a matter of convenience. Not again. It would...likely destroy him. S'rei buried his face in Shei's hair and fought the stinging behind his eyes.
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Post by Administrator on Sept 29, 2008 13:26:54 GMT -5
Why hadn't Salenth tried to escape? That concerned Aslath. If they were at Fort, they could have easily gotten between and tried to come back... Were they being held as slaves somehow there?! That really worried her. Did they keep S'rei away from Salenth like Benden had done with her and Shmee? This made her feel guiltier than ever. She had been cruel to him after he had been tortured by Fort?! Aslath had to stop herself from getting worked up. Maybe that wasn't what had happened, and perhaps she was working up over nothing... Did they keep you and Yours separated so you wouldn't escape?[/color] she asked, trying to hide the anxiety from her mind-voice. However, she wasn't able to hide it fully, and it was easy to tell that, despite how much she tried to hide it, she was worried about that. Her eyes whirled a little, the blue-green tinged with an uneasy yellow.
It made her sad that Salenth's didn't believe what Shmee had said, but she wouldn't butt in. It would probably make things only worse between them. Mine's decision about following Yours was unwise,[/color] she agreed slowly. But people act oddly when they're feeling bad emotions, and she had certainly felt many of them. And... mine, too. I had blown the problem way out of proportion, and...[/color] She paused. It was her fault that all this had happened, wasn't it? How would Shmee have acted if Aslath had been calm? She wouldn't have been happy, but she certainly wouldn't have followed S'rei. She would've wanted to talk with him afterward about it, yes, or maybe tried to ask about him after the Flight-- and its after-shock-- had finished. The green-blue slowly faded her eyes, and was replaced with gray with yellow swirls in it. She had acted poorly and everyone had been affected horribly. It made her want to curl up in her weyr and never come back out. What kind of queen was she?
I think Mine was trying to explain what happened for him, but did it in a bad way,[/color] she told Salenth, her voice sounding small. Yours did not see how she was after what Tekisith had done.[/color] Again, she had aggravated the situation by not telling a healer.
Aslath watched wordlessly as Salenth came down from above. She didn't know what to say now, or what to do. Moving a little so as to let him have space, she grunted softly in agreement. Everyone is confused,[/color] she added lightly. And everyone is hurt. Nobody has acted right... with me above all.[/color] She lowered her head between her claws, with Aslath realizing the extent of this situation for the first time. She had blown things up the most... and it had ruined everything. [/size]
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