Hated (Open)

[Administrator]

Hehatedherhehatedherhehatedher.

During Shmee’s conscious hours, these words were the only ones that shot through her hollow mind, permeating negativity and self-loathing. All of this was her fault, and if she didn’t have Aslath, she very well could be tempted to throw herself off the Falls like Seresta had done all those turns ago. It had taken weeks to find that girl’s body far down the river, she thought darkly. And when they did find Seresta, the former to-be Weyrwoman was blue, bloated, and rubbery from being stuck under the water for so long. Shmee had only caught a glimpse of that, and she had been horrified at the time. It was impossible for her to wonder why Seresta had wanted to do such a thing. But now, Shmee came close to understanding why, finally. In fact, if Aslath wasn’t enveloping her mind at all times, that would be what Shmee would look like.

Mine, you need to stop thinking that,[/color] Aslath said firmly, but lovingly. The pair was in an empty weyr on the hallway that the chaos had happened at. They were both on the dragon’s couch—or, at least, Aslath was trying to be. Most of her bulky backside was squished onto the weyrledge, making her look extremely comical. It was as though she was too fat, and that she was plugging up the weyrledge. The average onlooker might find it odd, and might even laugh at how Aslath’s golden tail dangled over the weyrledge because of its inability to fit on it. However, her frontal body was a lot less funny to look at, if only they had happened to look inside. The gold had cradled Shmee in her claws, and had her pressed against her breastbone delicately. You will be all right.[/color]

Shmee shook her head weakly. She was wrapped from the wait down in some furs that she had literally stolen from I’mny’s weyr, and the rest of her body was simply pressed against Aslath for warmth. For all she knew, Aliscia had stolen her clothing from the Flight. The woman was grotesquely pale, and too weak to move much since her seemingly incessant vomiting attacks. This left her face, too, looking gaunt and shadowy. She had neither eaten nor drank anything since… when was the Flight? It seemed like it just happened yesterday.

It did,[/color] Aslath replied quietly. If Shmee had any fluids left in her, she would undoubtedly be crying again. There was the Flight, with Salenth… S’rei hurt her, she had been pushed to the floor, she had hit her head and gotten sick, I’mny dragged her out to take advantage of her while S’rei made love to another woman right next door… She let out a soft, weak sob as she clutched Aslath. It hurt too much to remember any one of those events,

Aslath crooned lovingly. Even in her prolonged sleep, Shmee’s thoughts had been full of guilt and sorrow. For the first couple hours after escaping I’mny’s weyr, she had spent it in the bathroom, throwing up whatever she had and then some. Then she had retreated into Aslath’s loving claws, where she had slept until now. Aslath knew it must be about afternoon, though she did not tell her rider. The time of day didn’t matter when your bonded was thinking horrible thoughts like this.

Mine, love, you need someone to come help,[/color] she crooned. Aslath knew if she didn’t get some water, and perhaps food, in her system soon, Hers would be even more ill. You will die if you stay like this.[/color] Shmee whimpered, and began to tremble, though not from cold. Aslath nuzzled her bonded gently. Her anger toward Salenth had been thrust aside, completely forgotten for now. Her bonded was her one and only priority right now. Salenth could—and would—be dealt with later. But with Shmee so weak now, her problems with Salenth seemed so disgustingly trivial and couldn’t compare at all to this.

S’rei hated Shmee, the woman thought dimly, feeling her consciousness waver. She didn’t care about anything except this fact. She was staying alive for Aslath alone. But she wouldn’t allow herself to be helped. She couldn’t face S’rei, or the rest of her Weyr. This, all of this, was her fault. It was because of her that Salenth felt the need to Fly. It was because of her that S’rei had no trouble letting himself go at the Flight. It was her fault that she hadn’t been prepared enough for this true example of weyrlife. It was her fault that S’rei had hurt her. It was her fault… she gulped, and her eyes burned with nonexistent tears, that she had gotten in I’mny’s way and hadn’t fought him hard enough.

You tried, love. It is not your fault. I was caught up in anger, too, and His loves you. And what Tekisith’s did to you is not your fault. You tried screaming to get out, you struggled to get—[/color]

“Shut up!” she begged, writhing where she was held. Aslath fell silent. In Shmee’s eyes, S’rei could never love her again if he found out that another man had… invaded her. She let it happen to her. She sobbed lightly and dryly, leaning her face into Aslath’s breastbone. Even Shei would be better off with a mother who wasn’t as horrible as she was!

S’rei would hate her.

[randi]

It appears as though Aslath is trying to squeeze into one of the smaller weyrs, was a phrase that would have easily sparked curiosity, though he severely doubted that many people would be of a mind to check it out, even less so if they had heard the most recent addition to the rumor mill. However, K'nam's persistent lack of communicating with his peers had been his downfall. He had known Tanith had been due to Fly, but Bearinth had shown little interest in the green, so he hadn't given a second thought. If he had known the victor of that little race, he might not have found himself wandering the hallways to the destination Bearinth had told him.

It wasn't often that K'nam was nosy, but when the mood stuck him, he was willing to stick his nose in where it didn't belong. He had left Scamp behind, afraid Aslath would be angry at the presence of the salamandyr, which wouldn't actually be a threat. Gold things held absolutely no interesting to the blue, it was always the color green.

Running his fingers through his dark curls, K'nam paused not far away, debating if he really wanted to walk in on whatever reason the dragon was half-stuffed in the weyr for or if he should retreat while the getting was still good. Something, some instinct he hadn't felt in ages, compelled him to continue.

The sight inside the weyr made him pause, instantly forgetting whatever might have been comical about the senior queen fitting into a room that was certainly not for someone her size. He felt Bearinth become more alert on his side of the bond, disturbed by the dark flash across K'nam's mind.

"Shmee?" He asked gently, stepping inside of the weyr, but not making any sudden movements towards her. If she wished for him to leave... well, to be honest, he would probably have to decline. He had to help her, wouldn't accept being sent away. He just couldn't.

Do you know what's going on? K'nam asked Bearinth, who fell momentarily silent as he contacted one of the more outgoing dragons for information. Moments passed, and he felt Bearinth become mildly angered.

The dragon responded, Salenth Flew Tanith. Mine, if she is worrying you over that, then- -She's not. She looks sick, Bearinth. His brow furrowed with concern, but he held his place, dark eyes flickering between Shmee and Aslath. He expected to be received badly, but it couldn't make him leave. At least not until he knew what he could do for her.

[Administrator]

Aslath noticed the bronzerider before her bonded did. Growling, she lowered her massive head over Shmee's body protectively. She didn't trust how he just seemed to magically arrive. Though she wanted Hers to get better, she didn't want to risk Shmee getting hurt because of him. Though he didn't appear to be taken by Flightlust, she didn't want to take any chances by exposing Shmee. She nuzzled her rider. Mine, do you realize Bearinth's is here?[/color] she asked gently. Shmee stiffened, looking up dizzily from her stupor over to K'nam. She blinked slowly, squeezing her eyes shut and shaking her head. Why was he here? Had he heard about how much fun she was from I'mny and wanted a turn? I do not believe that he will hurt you,[/color] the queen reassured. And if he does, I will protect you, I promise. Calm down, mine.[/color] Shmee shook uncontrollably, and Aslath made a poor attempt at trying to pull the furs higher up on Shmee's body. However, it was hard to do when she was so big and the blanket so thin. Humans had it easy when it came to these tasks.

"What?" Shmee asked hoarsely, turning back in to facing Aslath's breastbone. "Go away," she added softly, exhaustedly. She didn't want to be near him... Another dry sob erupted from her throat, and she buried her face into Aslath's warm hide. "Please, just go! I don't want you here!"

Gently, Aslath began to nuzzle Shmee rhythmically. Calmly, she began to speak directly to the bronzerider, and odd act in itself, considering she didn't talk to many who wasn't her bonded. Not only that, but Aslath wasn't even agreeing with her rider. If K'nam could help... then she would accept. But he wouldn't be allowed to attack Hers. Then he would get punished worse than being trapped between. Bearinth's, I need Mine to get out of here,[/color] she told him softly. She... is hurt everywhere.[/color] Sure, that explanation was vague, but she didn't know how she could tell this man that Hers had been Flown without consent. She was silent a long moment. She threw up a lot, after hitting her head on the floor. And...[/color] She paused, uncertain if she should say it.

"No, Aslath," Shmee begged weakly, whimpering. If she told K'nam, he would tell S'rei, and S'rei would never want to see her again...

Tekisith's Flew her when she did not want to Fly,[/color] Aslath replied with equal calm. This made Shmee burst into another spasm of empty sobs. The girl was now shuddering with crying hiccups, and Aslath continued to nuzzle her gently. Aslath knew that it was what Tekisith's did to her was what was making her this way-- at least, mostly. And if she told someone, she reasoned, they would be able to fix it. It made sense to her-- but the idea of someone knowing was tortuous to Shmee.

"She doesn't know what she's talking about!" Shmee tried to argue brokenly, but it was unconvincing. She shrank away from K'nam. "Please, please, please go, K'nam. I can come down on my own." Unless she died up here. Which, of course, she wouldn't mind in the slightest. S'rei didn't love her, and if both she and Aslath were miserable, what was the harm in thinking that? Aslath nuzzled more insistently.

Mine, we live for each other. Where are each other if we are in /between/?[/color] she asked gently. Shmee whimpered, unable to think of a reply.

[randi]

Watching the gold growl at him, K'nam watched her, lowering his head in a submissive gesture. He was not here to harm, but to help. The sooner both dragon and woman realized this, the better all around. At Shmee's stiffening and glance, he kept his head lowered, not wanting to alarm her any more than what she was already. Her shaking was loosening the furs around her. He was hardly aware of it until he was already moving, aiding Aslath in pulling the furs back onto the Weyrwoman. Once done, he took a step back, raising both hands as a small peace. He was not going to hurt her.

Shmee's insistence that he depart was met with a small shake of his head, though he didn't respond. He wasn't going to just leave, but he certainly wasn't going to antagonize her by responding negatively to her requests. He drew his eyes from the woman to the dragon, waiting for her decision, mostly to discover how much of an uphill battle he was facing.

K'nam was sufficiently surprised that Aslath was willing to speak to him, only further confirming that the situation went beyond Salenth and S'rei. In the silence between statements, he nodded. He could carry her, certainly, and be gentle about it as well. "I can carry her to your weyr." He stated calmly, returning his gaze to Shmee. They could steal the furs from this weyr for a while, no one would mind. At the list of what happened, he nodded quietly, looking back to Aslath until Shmee's protest. What had happened?

It took him a moment before what Aslath had said sunk in. For a moment, a dark look passed over his face before he shook it off. I'mny could be dealt with later. Had he paused to consider the possible circumstances, he would not have been nearly as angry, but, as it were, rage pounded through his veins. Bearinth was immediately prying for information, promising harm to whatever had made His sink into an anger he hadn't felt in a while. After being filled in, the bronze was appropriately angered as well, but K'nam's head jerked slightly. Do not seek out I'mny. Am I clear, Bearinth? He had never been this forceful against Bearinth, who agreed with a low hissing voice. Neither of the pair was particularly happy about leaving the weyrlingmaster be for the moment, but both agreed to not seek out trouble for the time being.

Shmee's insistence that he leave was met with another shake of his head, K'nam moving closer to Shmee, but keeping his hands locked firmly behind his back lest she think he meant harm. "Be that as it may," he said softly, "I'm going to at least help you get back to your weyr." His tone indicated that he was not giving her any leeway in the matter. "Now, do you want me to carry you or to walk beside you and make sure you don't fall?"

[Administrator]

Shmee whimpered, cringing visibly as K'nam helped pull the furs up her body, covering her decently. "Please don't touch me," she begged softly, hoarsely. The thought of a man in this close proximity to her in this state was terrifying. She trembled even more, but the furs didn't fall this time, perhaps because they were more secure on her now than they were before. Shrinking as close to Aslath as she could, she reached up with shaky hands, clinging to the furs. If K'nam had wanted to take her, it would be incredibly easy to do so-- assuming Aslath did not attack him. Aslath was the one thing keeping her safe. The gold crooned, nuzzling Shmee lovingly. Mine, he will not hurt you. I trust Bearinth's, I think,[/color] the gold said calmly. Shmee shook her head, the motion becoming automatic. She didn't want this man near her, she didn't want him to even see her like this, and she certainly didn't want him to take her back!

"No," she protested weakly again. Aslath huffed. Thank you, Bearinth's,[/color] she said when K'nam had stepped back from helping. Pausing to listen to his request, she thought for a moment. Shmee would not like it-- she would hate it-- but it would ultimately save the girl from dying of hunger, or dehydration. And that was what Aslath would avoid at all costs. She would do whatever she had to do to save her mindmate. Yet she remained silent, nuzzling Shmee's hair gently. Hearing Aslath's thinking, she whimpered again, feeling the burn of invisible tears in her eyes. "Please, Aslath, no..." This, at least, made Aslath pause. It was upsetting to see her like this. Those words were the same ones that she had used with I'mny. She had to stop thinking about it. It hurt physically to remember yesterday.

Shmee stiffened again as K'nam slowly began to approach. Once again falling victim to her sharp, dry sobs, Aslath's eyes whirled sadly. "No, don't take me there!" she begged. "If S'rei sees me, he'll..." Another spasm of sobs. "He doesn't love me anymore! He... I'mny... I should have fought to get him away, and S'rei will hate me because I didn't, and he loves Aliscia more!" Saying it out loud made it burn even more in her heart. Her words had been broken by her sob-hiccups and bawling, and sounded completely heartbroken. As Aslath had said, she hurt everywhere.

If you promise you will not hurt her, carry her back to the weyr,[/color] Aslath instructed quietly, reluctantly lifting her head away from the Weyrwoman. This scared Shmee, who wailed even harder, trying to disappear beneath her furs. She didn't want to be carried, wearing only furs, by a man, to her weyr, where S'rei was! But she didn't have the energy or will to get up and walk by herself. She would have much rather rotted in this weyr than face the frightening world all over again-- a world where she knew there would only be rejection waiting for her by everyone.

Facing S'rei was another dark thought. He would reject her instantly. He had not only loved Aliscia more, but once he saw that she had slept with someone else... He would disown her. He would ignore her, and declare his hatred for her. Shmee would be all alone again, and that thought, too scared her. She shivered uncontrollably. A world alone was a world she couldn't live in.

It is all right. You are not alone when I am here,[/color] Aslath crooned, reassuring her. But Shmee only continued to sob.

[randi]

Her begging made his hands twitch, wanting to obey her wishes, but far from eager to let her be. He thought she'd be happier less exposed, though he supposed happy was in a far off land of the impossible for Shmee at the moment. More of her protesting made his eyes drop from her, waiting for the verdict on what he would be doing. From the begging towards Aslath, he felt that the gold was on his side, which they should be. The anger of Bearinth was getting intolerable. Sure, he was angry, but emotions, he had learned, could be pushed back, ignored, but feeling his bronze, who had seldom felt true rage about anything, thinking such dark thoughts made his own rise even stronger. He shook it off as best he could. Anger could be dealt with later.

At Shmee's outburst, the man shook his head. "If S'rei hates you for being forced into that, then he didn't love you in the first place." It sounded cold when he said it, but that was the truth. He would never hate his love if someone forced themselves on her. That would be stupid, and, though Shmee obviously lacked the capability for straight thought for the moment, he couldn't stop the truth for that. Now, as for S'rei loving Aliscia more, he couldn't say, but, "Did you feel guilty while Ciceroth Flew Aslath that S'rei was not there to win? Flights are beyond our control, and, let me tell you from the male end of the spectrum, whether it's a green or gold in the air, once the lust takes you, you're done. You don't care that there's someone else in another weyr that loves you more than the person standing in front of you ever could. It doesn't matter. Expecting any man to hold his head above that feeling when their dragon starts to Chase is an impossible belief."

To Aslath's statement, he nodded, noticing Shmee's shrinking. "I won't hurt her. I swear it." He said softly, picking the Weyrwoman up gently. She didn't weigh hardly anything, and he could remember the last time he had carried any woman: the attack. Hey, did she even remember that? If we was going to hurt her, wouldn't that have been her most vulnerable moment, the perfect place to strike? Except he hadn't. He almost wanted to point that out to her, but restrained.

Standing up straight, he looked down at her, a concerned look on his face. "Is this okay, Shmee, or do you need me to change how I'm carrying you?" No doubt, she hurt, and if he could make the walk more comfortable, he was more than willing to do so.

[Administrator]

The dry sobs never ceased. "He... He hated me even before!" she choked out, quivering in a pitiful mess. "He hated me before, and he'll hate me even more now!" She was trembling violently. It was so true. He hated her, and especially now that he had Aliscia with him, he'd probably desert her. Shards, knowing him, he'd probably steal Shei from her and take her to live with Aliscia. The thought made her sobbing even louder, harder. The thought of being without S'rei scared her. He was all that she thought about ever since their argument. If only she could take her actions back... Now, in this wretched state, she had pinned all the blame from that night on herself. The little bit of her that had persistently blamed S'rei for what had happened those few days ago had died. No, it was all her fault again. She loved him, she loved him, but it was all her fault. He hated her because she was stupid. The look in his eyes as he had gazed at Aliscia, and the rage and hatred he had looked at her with...

"I want S'rei!" she sobbed. Aslath nuzzled her evenly and gently, trying to smooth the heavy waves of emotion going on in Shmee's head. The girl felt horrible. She would want him, but he could never want her, never again. It hurt her so badly. They had a conflict and argument, and he clearly was not interested in her anymore now that he let himself go with Salenth, and now that she had been dirtied by another man... The emotional pain was physically burning her. What K'nam said was true: He never loved her in the first place. And it hurt.

She didn't respond to his words about Flights. Yes, she had felt terrible after Aslath's last Flight. Even though she knew it was true, it just made her feel stupid in addition to the guilt. That didn't matter. The fact that S'rei, the man she loved, had let himself be with another woman so soon after they had had a conflict... It just proved his disinterest in her. Whimpering, she clung to Aslath, who continued her robotic nuzzling. She should already have been used to the idea that a Flight like this was bound to happen. She should have known that throwing herself naked into a room of lust-crazed men would get her hurt. But she wanted to show that she loved S'rei still-- she couldn't stand the thought of him leaving her again. It was confusing, she was foolish, but she continued to hurt. She had brought it upon herself, it was all her fault...

She had no energy to fight as K'nam lifted her. The only sign of her disapproval was her continued shaking. Clinging to her furs, she huddled miserably against him. Aslath looked on carefully. She is fine, being held that way,[/color] she told K'nam as Shmee didn't reply.

"I love him, but he'll always hate me," she whispered, sobs taking over her once again. Her head still hurt, and her dehydration and hunger were not helping her nausea in a positive way. Giving up any thoughts of convincing him to let her rot here, she simply continued to sob as he carried her.

[randi]

Did S'rei hate her? K'nam couldn't say. He couldn't look into the heart of another man and come out with an answer that didn't stand a chance of being false. Hate was a strong word, however, and he felt silent assurance that his fellow bronzerider did not dislike the woman that much, but, as it stood, he couldn't say. Her sobs were upsetting him deeply, though if he showed a sign, it was only by the glimmer of his brown eyes. Feeling helpless was a horrible feeling and took him back to similar conditions, at the Hold, at Benden, though there was a distinct difference between them and now, and it was that he held the chance to at least help. Before he had simply been forced to hope that things would work out, that he'd find a chance, but, until he had finally escaped, he had never been in control. Yet, here he was again, helpless.

Her continual sobbing served only to aggravate the emotions stirring in him, and it took almost constant reassurance from Bearinth to keep him from fading back to the past and from despairing. K'nam had grown used to not being the one looked to for comfort and aid, and to be tossed back into the situation had finally hit home. You will be fine, Mine. Once she is safe, you'll be able to prove that you aren't helpless. Just wait.

Her shaking didn't cease as he picked her up, and he was very thankful for Aslath's information, as he doubted the Weyrwoman would be informative herself. Nodding gently, he wished he could soothe Shmee, but figured she would be better, as the bits of logic he had put forth were either being used against him now or were being ignored. Making sure not to jolt her, he made his way to her weyr, stopping gently once or twice when he came upon uninhabited rooms to ensure that she wasn't feeling nausea again. Shouldering into her weyr, he paused, not sparing even a glance around the room. "Do you want to go on the weyrledge with Aslath or the cot?"

[Administrator]

If Shmee had been looking in K'nam's eyes, perhaps she would've noticed the man's own pain, but she wasn't. She was rather trying to bury her face in the furs that were wrapped around her. She didn't want to look into anyone's face. However, even if she did see anything in K'nam's eyes, it is doubtful that she would have asked. Her own pain, discomfort, guilt, and self-loathing had consumed her. All that she could think about was how much S'rei was going to hate her when he saw her again. He would probably ditch her for Aliscia the moment he saw that she had been with someone else, unwilling as she had been. She didn't want that. Maybe, if she just hid forever, he would never look for her and he would never see her again, and she wouldn't have to see him be happy with someone else... But what about Shei? Well, she could always sneak back, take the babe from Laurie or S'rei or whoever had her, and run off with her. But she couldn't. She remembered what had happened the last time she had been kidnapped. And if that happened again, she doubted Benden would go for the public spectacle that they had last time. She wouldn't be so lucky if there was a next time.

Though Shmee was still nauseous, she simply couldn't throw up anymore. There was nothing left in her. But she was grateful to K'nam that he was jostling her around too much. It spared her the screaming of her stomach. Her head, though, wasn't spared, despite his gentleness. The ache felt like her brain was imploding. Groaning a little, she closed her eyes.

Aslath, in the meantime, had pushed herself out of the small weyr gracelessly. She needed to use the wall to push herself out because she had been stuck. Though it hurt her pride a bit, Hers was more important. Still clinging to the too-small weyrledge, she stretched her wings a bit. They had gotten so cramped, and it felt good to spread them again! Huffing in relief, she circled down slowly, savoring the air on her body. Some of the spray of the waterfall got on her, but she could care less as she drifted back down to her own weyr, which was just her size. Landing gently on the weyrledge, she looked around suspiciously for signs of Salenth. She wouldn't actively pick a fight with him until she was sure that Hers was better, but she wouldn't speak to him even if he was here. Though, she thought hatefully, he was probably still with that stupid green. She was probably glorifying in the fact that she had stolen her queen's bronze. The thought made her angry, but she stomped down on it quickly. She could be mad later.

Shmee sighed gently as K'nam spoke. But warm guilt was making her heart cramp. Not even noticing she was doing it, she began to rub it with a distant expression on her face as she stared into space. "Weyrledge. I sleep on the weyrledge now," she told him vaguely. Now she probably wouldn't even be able to sleep in her weyr anymore once S'rei found out. The fact that this was a Weyrwoman's weyr seemed to elude her at the moment.

I can take her,[/color] Aslath told the bronzerider calmly. She was now on her stone bed, and could handle her bonded from here... Well, probably not, she thought as she remembered her rider's state. She was at a loss. Shmee would need help, but Shmee would refuse to lie down with her if that was what Aslath was planning on doing... The gold's simple mind was so confused.

[reqqy]

He had no idea where to start looking for her, if she wasn't in their weyr, which she hadn't been this morning. The bronzerider wasn't in the best of moods. He'd stopped by each of the weyrs of the men he remembered being involved in the Flight, but all seemed to be off doing something - which begged the question: where was Shmee? S'rei could only hope she'd come back to the weyr for clothes, or had been provided some by whichever man had taken her during the height of Flightlust. Laurie confirmed that, yes, Shmee had been at the Flight, and no, she hadn't yet returned for Shei. The wingsecond had nearly gone to retrieve his daughter right then, but eventually decided against it, as he didn't know what he'd find when he finally caught up with his weyrmate.

Yes, S'rei was still at something of a loss. Aslath refuses to talk to youstill? I will continue to try, ReiMine, but it seems that Hers must be fine, because I'm still receiving the silent treatment. Well, you did chase Tanith, after all. I can understand being a little upset, but Tanith's a green. Since when have golds been jealous of greens? Since Aslath, apparently. The bronzepair shared that moment of wry humor, even as the man decided to stop by the weyr and see if he could determine if Shmee had been there or not sometime earlier in the day.

Aslath. This is silly. ReiMine just wants to know where Yours is. Doesn't she want him to? He's distressed. Not that the gold was likely to care about the emotional state of Salenth's bonded. The bronze snorted in disgust, sweeping off the mountain face in which he'd taken refuge since the early morning hours and winging languidly toward the Weyr. He was in no hurry, because he had absolutely no idea what he was going to do when he got there. Salenth thought it might be nice to spend the rest of the day with Tanith, who had shown him much more affection - without clinging to him! - than Aslath was likely to anytime in the near future. But neither did he want the gold to take out her frustration on his Flightmate. Still, if she wasn't talking to him, was it really wise for Salenth to show up and try to claim their weyrledge again? Unfortunately, Selenitas was only growing closer with each wingstroke.

Needless to say, S'rei was surprised to find a man already in the weyr, and still more shocked at the brokenness in Shmee's voice. Yes, he'd been assuming that the woman was okay, seeing as how Aslath hadn't called him through Salenth. Were the two really so upset with the bronzepair that they'd risk...well, all this to keep them away? His jaw tigthened slightly, the man's hand falling on K'nam's shoulder to get his attention. "You don't sleep on the weyrledge unless you choose to," S'rei responded, his voice surprisingly soft and gentle despite the harshness of the words themselves. It wasn't that he cared if K'nam knew they had been sleeping separate for awhile now. He just wanted Shmee to understand that he had no intention of keeping the cot to himself when she was in this state - unless she absolutely wanted to be with Aslath. Of course, she was the one who decided to take the weyrledge in the first place, and he just wasn't willing to fight her on who should have the cot and who shouldn't.

S'rei came around K'nam to stand in front of the pair, reaching out to take his weyrmate from the other bronzerider. He met the man's gaze for a moment, his gratitude clear in his eyes, but the frown on his face didn't vanish. A hand came up to brush the hair from Shmee's red, swollen face. Obviously, he'd assumed wrong. The girl had been crying. And...he closed his eyes. Naked but for the furs. What was wrong with her? No matter the problems they'd been having in the privacy of the weyr, she had to know that she could count on him for this! He did love her, Faranth help him. "I don't know why you went into the Flight after me, and I don't know why you decided to keep this from me, either. Were you just going to hide forever? Shmee, none of this makes sense. You know I would have come for you." His brows knotted, and there was some definite pain in his voice.

It hurt that she didn't trust him enough to even have him come for her.

[randi]

Her statement made his eyes drop back to her, noting her rubbing at her heart, though ponderous questions peaked in his mind. She made a regular habit of sleeping out there? Something in her voice sounded like Shmee was forced to, though K'nam figured it was perhaps the simple defeated tone to her voice that made it sound so. Aslath's voice once again sounded, and the bronzerider, despite the situation, had to admit he'd miss hearing it once he left, which he intended to do, as soon as he was sure-

The hand fell on his shoulder, his grip tightening on Shmee as he resisted the urge to jump, turning his head to see who intruded, honestly expecting the worst. It wouldn't have taken much to get him riled to a breaking point at the moment, but the sight of the woman's weyrmate calmed him, the tenseness fading from his body, though the slight frown on his face remained. The bronzerider gently nodded, not in agreement with what he said, but as a show of trust. Whether Shmee could see it or not, S'rei wasn't the bad guy, not in K'nam's eyes.

"Careful," he warned gently, unnecessarily, handing Shmee over to him, despite any protests she may have. Regardless of Flight aftermath, S'rei at least cared for her to some extent, probably more than K'nam did. However, his statement made his head jerk slightly. Shmee had followed after him? Green Flights could have the same effect on people that golds did, which would only be greater if... Did I'mny's blue Chase after Tanith?

Another small silence before, Tekisith did. K'nam looked back down at Shmee. Sympathy remained, but how much less now. Foolish girl, jumping into a room of men with those effects floating around. His anger at I'mny declined rapidly, his head shaking the slightest bit to rid himself of the headache it left behind, an effort which proved fruitless.

However, it was out of a sense of duty and empathy that he wished to spare S'rei any of the same confusion, should he think she was in this state simply out of despair of his distraction. "You know what happened, then?" He had a right to know, after all, whether Shmee believed that or not, and regardless of how much trouble he'd be in for filling in the blank areas.

[Administrator]

Aslath grumbled as she heard Salenth try to bespeak her once again. She had been ignoring Salenth each time he had tried speaking to her before, both due to her own preferences and Shmee's wishes. Though she had certainly wanted Shmee to get help, the girl had been adamant about making sure she wouldn't try to talk to anyone about what had happened, particularly to Salenth and S'rei. Aslath, not wanting to risk making Shmee angry at her, had uneasily complied. If Shmee was on the verge of death, she would risk it, but Shmee had a bit of life left in her, so Aslath obeyed. Yet the gold didn't shove him out of her mind this time. Salenth's was distressed? She hesitated, then said, Bearinth's found her. She is in the weyr.[/color] The tone was curt, but she wanted little to do with that lying bronze. She hoped he wouldn't respond. She could care less about him at the moment, but Hers still loved His. She should at least speak to him for their sake. Of course she wants him. But bad things happened and she doesn't think she wants him.[/color] Again with the cold tone.

Shmee recoiled visibly as she heard S'rei's voice. She didn't want him to see her like this. He would see that she had lost her body to someone and be disgusted, and throw her out... But surprisingly, he said nothing of the sort. His words made her feel stupid, and she said nothing in response to them. She didn't know what to say. She knew she was stupid, she thought miserably. Horrifically stupid. She didn't know why she hadn't kicked him to the weyrledge, but she had moved there herself. But she supposed he would've given it to her if she asked... Letting out a choked, mewling noise, she looked away from S'rei carefully, shame-faced. She was terrified that he'd suddenly declare his love for Aliscia, and his disowning of Shmee that she began to quiver again at the thought.

She felt him push her hair back, but even then, she couldn't meet his eyes. The guilt in her seemed to double. Was he being nice to her? Like she deserved his kindness! She would've shaken her head to protest that movement, but her head hurt too much to feel comfortable doing so. The thought of telling him what happened was enough to make her dread it to a painful point. Especially when he took her from K'nam-- he was suddenly being gentle with her, an extreme contrast of how the pair had been the past few days. It was too much for Shmee, who immediately latched onto his shirt and pulled herself as close to his body as she could. She had missed him, even in the days since their fight. His warmth, in a way, was comforting. If only she could banish the fear and guilt, she'd be well on her way to recovery.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she cried dryly into his shirt in response to his words. He sounded hurt. "I just came because I didn't want you to sleep with Aliscia... and... and... Did you let yourself go there because you were mad at me?" It hurt so much to think of that possibility. "And... and... I told Aslath not to call for you or anyone else, because I knew you'd be mad!" Her voice had lost control of itself completely. It was coming out in small gasps, and she stuttered on some of the words. Would he really have come for her? The thought was dizzying. Did he still care, then?

But K'nam's words distracted her momentarily. "No," she pleaded softly, not wanting to hear what had happened to her out loud. Her own stupidity, her own weakness... She didn't want to hear that admitted to S'rei. She shuddered violently.

[reqqy]

The bronze heard her voice, finally, and that was when he decided that he’d find the ledge by the offices and just stay there. Ice. Angry, bitter ice. He didn’t care to deal with it. Instinct, nothing more, but neither did he wish to try to work himself back into her good graces; he had no intention of being the queen’s kept bronze. It had been a dreadful mistake to allow her those illusions to begin with. He’d been amused by her strange obsession with an emotion dragons could not feel, and had not realized what sort of problems it might cause. Now he knew better. Unfortunately. Despite his determination to avoid her, Salenth couldn’t resist. He had to retaliate just a little. The sharding gold had ignored him all morning out of spite, when he’d only been trying to make sure Aslath’s was all right. I appreciate your answering me. How mature of you.

S’rei met K’nam’s eyes searchingly for a moment, wondering what the bronzerider had seen to make him this protective of a woman he hardly knew. His arms easily supported the thin creature who clung to him in near hysteria. He had to battle his own selfish tendencies, the thoughts that clawed at his mind. They came anyway, bubbling to the surface. He’d neglected them for so long that, over the duration of the fight with his weyrmate, they seemed to plague S’rei more and more. He was naturally self-sacrificing, but there was something about denying yourself for turns that, once those neglected needs and desires got a foothold, they tended to push in and cling to the floor and walls, nearly impossible to push back out again.

He turned to his bronze to keep the thoughts from being voiced. I’m only here to be used by her. Why would she think that I would abandon her for being flown against her will? Does she think so little of me? She is upset, Mine. People do not always think when they’re upset. That calmed him a little. Though S’rei couldn’t help but feel insulted by the whole thing, he pushed that aside, listening to her cried words. “Shh. You don’t need to apologize to me for that.” Maybe for other things, but he couldn’t hold the rape against her, even if she was a fool to put herself in that situation to begin with. But then he stiffened, her head buried against him, and when K’nam spoke his eyes flashed up, a very real anger behind them.

“Oh, yes. I’ve got a pretty good idea,” he responded, his tone controlled – emotionless. “Thank you, bronzerider. I’m sorry she wasted your time.” A clear dismissal, though S’rei didn’t seem particularly intent on enforcing it as he stalked over to their cot, dropping her there. Even clearer that the anger was directed at the woman rather than anyone else.

Uncaring whether or not K’nam had taken his leave yet, S’rei bent over his weyrmate, his voice soft and weary. “I’ve never let anyone use me as you have, Shmee. It’s my fault for being such a trusting, submissive fool. This is a good act, though, I must admit. You had me terrified there for a moment. Do you have any idea how many rape victims I’ve seen? Should have kept your mouth shut.” His eyes were intense, but it almost seemed as if the emotion was too much to reach anywhere else. His face looked old just then. “Not a single one of them would have said what you just did, would have asked about why Salenth chased. I can’t even be angry with you anymore. Even when you lie and attempt to manipulate me like this.

“Next time, remember to ask that question well after the ‘rape’ was supposed to happen, so you don’t give yourself away. I can’t even be angry with you anymore. You’ve killed all my emotions. I’m going to my sister’s, where you left our daughter to pull off this elaborate hoax. Stay here. Crawl into someone else’s furs. Plan some new level of treachery – I don’t care. If we didn’t have Shei, I would be out that door, and you’d better believe I’d never look back.” He looked like he might want to say more, but didn’t. He couldn’t stand the sight of this woman, who would cheapen the pain of others by playing at it just to get him to do what she wanted. It was low. Detestable.

S’rei rose, wearily pushing at the hair that had fallen before his face. Rape victims didn’t act like this. They clung or cowered. They were ashamed, sometimes, or just frightened. But they never, ever latched on to an unrelated event like this. If Shmee had been raped, she wouldn’t be thinking about a Flight or their earlier fight. She’d still be trapped in some level of shock. He couldn’t believe she’d stoop this low. It put a strange, bitter taste in his mouth. He wanted out of this oppressive room, out of her presence. No. He wanted out, but his own shard-blasted conscience and sense of duty would not allow him to leave the Weyrwoman without his Shei, and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to fight to keep his daughter, and knew that Shmee’s spite would keep him from seeing the girl if he left. Trapped.

Trapped.

[randi]

K'nam barely even glanced at her when Shmee uttered the 'no'. She didn't want him to tell S'rei, he understood that. The difference was that he was convinced that it was for the best that her weyrmate knew. If she didn't forgive him for that, it was her own problem. Once she was removed from his arms, they had fallen to his sides, his posture becoming relatively stiffer, almost as though he was waiting for a dismissal.

S'rei's cold tone made his head turn to glance at them, eyes narrowing as he debated what was to come. How did S'rei know? Well, common sense would say that a woman who threw herself into a room full of lusty men would end up as she had, so there wasn't much of a mystery there, but he had supposed the man might want it confirmed. Reaching up, he pushed his hair behind his ear, shaking his head slightly. "It wasn't a waste, S'rei."

Turning on his heel he left, focused on his headache and getting back to the weyr to lie down for a bit. Lost in his thoughts, he failed to hear whatever tones went on behind him, turning into the next empty weyr where Bearinth waited, ignoring the other bronze and gold to take His back where he would be happier.

((Bad Exitpost, sorry))

[Administrator]

Aslath caught the cruelty in Salenth's tone. She stiffened. Her eyes whirling slightly red, she restrained herself from flying off to attack the bronze. I am not picking a fight with you now, Salenth,[/color] she replied, trying to suppress the rage from her mind-voice. Mine Flew without wanting to and she is ill. I am /not/ going to argue with you now. I am now asking you to please return that courtesy-- if only for now.[/color] There. It wasn't a command, though she was sorely tempted to. But Hers needed her, and if Shmee heard her arguing with Salenth, it would distress her even more. She needed to calm things with the humanpets. Only when things were well again would she settle things with Salenth. But she wanted to do nothing that would worry Shmee more. She could let Salenth say whatever he wanted-- let him be the "mature" one-- but she would ignore him for the sake of Shmee.

For one brief, brief moment, Shmee felt as though S'rei would still love her. His small reassuring words, still, jolted guilt through every portion of her body. That was what she was most worried about, that S'rei would hate her for coming in and allowing a man to use her in that way. Hadn't that been what S'rei had argued with her about? Enjoyment with another man? Well, she thought with extreme bitterness, there had been no enjoyment from that. Well, I'mny had never tried to make it enjoyable, of course. He had been so rough with her that she had even bled. Shards, she was still sore there. Clinging to her furs, she continued to repeat the words "I'm sorry" in a low monotone. She closed her eyes, only half-listening to what was going on around her-- until she caught something different in S'rei's tone. Sensing it, she began to struggle in alarm.

...waste of time? He had never heard him tell anyone before that she was a waste of time. A hollow hole began to form in her gut. He did hate her, then. He was angry that she had come after him and slept with a man, despite how he had said that she didn't need to apologize for being raped. Those words played on repeat through her mind. "I’m sorry she wasted your time,[/color]" was what he had said. Letting herself harden up, she couldn't resist a soft whimper of pain when he dropped her. Her head began to throb again, and she squeezed her legs together instinctively.

"Please, stop," she murmured, trying to interrupt him as he spoke. She didn't want to hear those words. Did he think she hadn't been raped? He didn't trust her. Her sobs were soft choking sounds, and she covered her face in her hand. She wanted to escape, not wanting to hear him attacking her like this. He'd be out the door if it wasn't for Shei? Well, he'd deserve someone better. Her eyes glazed over with sheer deadness. Insult to injury. But that cruel little voice in her head whispered "You deserve it."

Shakily forcing herself to her feet even as he turned to leave, she moved in a daze over to Aslath. The gold nuzzled her as the woman literally collapsed beside her. Eat, and bathe...[/color] the gold began, taking the woman into her claws just as she had done earlier that morning. But Shmee shook her head dismally.

"Tomorrow," she said dully. Aslath lifted her head and was about to blast a command at S'rei to come back, Shmee stopped her. "No use," she responded, the monotone never wavering. "You can't control him. He doesn't care."

And Shei?[/color]

"She could never love a mother like me," she stated quietly, but surely, with no emotion in her tone.

Hehatedherhehatedherhehatedher.