chocolate on chocolate with chocolate [open]

[glamourie]

He felt incredibly alone.

It wasn’t the first time, and it probably wouldn’t be the last. Lennae was gone. Uu’n was gone. K’ran was gone. Beka was gone. D’nar was gone. And R’wign was probably busy ‘celebrating’ with his weyrmate. Even Kahrelir was gone. There weren’t many people that he could talk to and even fewer that he wanted to seek out. It occurred to K’lir that he had all of… two people left he trusted – and neither of them had much time for him; one was raising his son and the other one was too busy with his own family. Everyone close to him had died and he’d never done anything to fix the connections, primarily because he was scared of losing people again. Calistoth’s death had hit him hard – exceptionally so – and the only person who cared enough to try and drag him out of that depression was a then-ten turn old girl who pitied him. Had he ever really gotten better? In some ways, yes. In other ways – very far from. There was no one he’d let in, in any case, and the end result was there being no one left to talk to.

Pretty damn sad, all things considered. It was the day of the graduation of his Weyrling class, but K’lir wasn’t with his classmates celebrating. He couldn’t be. The attack from Fort left him blind – incapable of seeing anything – and even though Shade helped by flashing him images, he still didn’t trust himself around a bunch of potentially drunk and idiotic children who were bound to be vomiting and worse. Without sight, he couldn’t dodge it. And… he didn’t want to be around the festivities. The last graduation that he attended was Calistoth’s, and it hurt his heart to go. So he’d elected not to in favor of wallowing in the Main Hall where there was sure to be almost no one – no one to upset him, no one to make him feel insignificant.

He’d decided to try out the tried-and-true method of treating depression: chocolate cake.

It was way too big for one person. The cake was three tiered chocolate, with chocolate chunks, chocolate frosting, and then chocolate drizzled over that. So far, all it had succeeded in doing was make K’lir feel sick, but he insistently picked at his piece just the same. Most women snarfed down cake when depressed – shouldn’t it have worked for him? Aside from having a penis (okay, that was a semi-large detraction), he was pretty womanish… right? Right? Okay, he was ignoring that biologically he was a man in every way, except being pretty, short and feminine. He felt like he had more in common with women most of the time. He definitely didn’t enjoy the idea of going to get drunk for the sake of it, at least. He’d managed to put together a still once, but that was for profit. K’lir didn’t drink at all. The loss of control made an ugly side of him come out that wanted to fight.

The main hall was close to empty. K’lir tapped his plate with his fork and leaned forward to prop his chin on his hand, facing forward blankly as Showoff licked at the frosting of his cake. The greenrider didn’t know what his salamandyr was doing… but he probably wouldn’t have stopped him regardless. He did tend to spoil Showoff, particularly when it came to his own food. He’d even fed Showoff out of his own mouth once because he was eating something that the salamandyr sought. Spoiled he was, and K’lir was unashamed to admit it. Baoth was on the ledge sprawled out, staring off at the river – clear indication of where he was.

Somehow he doubted he’d have been having any more fun at the graduation, though. People irritated him more often than not.

[Rei]

Okay so technically Darmori should have been in the barracks with the rest of the candidates. But there was a graduation or something going on and he just couldn’t sleep. A night owl anyway, the boy decided to do a bit of reconnaissance. He wasn’t interested in going to the graduation. Too many people. Too much action. He’d probably get stepped on and shoved and well that didn’t appeal to him.

Harmony was suspiciously absent. The large gold had decided to overfeed at dinner and had been lost to the world since then. Finding nothing in the girl’s dorm of particular interest (seriously none of them had good hair?). He slipped out and made his way through the hallways of the weyr. Very much stalking like some shadow hunting predator. A few hallways down he was getting rally bored. Sighing he slipped into the Main hall and came to an abrupt halt.

The reason was the slight figure sitting at a nearby table. It wasn’t the enormous cake that drew him there or curiosity about the bronze mandyr currently indulging himself. It was the guys hair. It was just….beautiful. Edging closer Darmori kept his footfalls as quiet as possible. When he was about a table away he intentionally let his feet fall more heavily. “Uh excuse me?” He shifted closer and sat on the opposite side of the table.

“I wasn’t aware anyone was still around here. Shouldn’t you be at the graduation with like the rest of the entire weyr?” Reaching over he took a finger full of the frosting and stuck it in his mouth. “I’m Darmori.” He mumbled around his mouthful before swallowing and titling his head curiously. He wanted the guys hair but now wasn’t the time to ask. Later, later.

[glamourie]

“You’re excused. Feel free to leave.”

There was a distinct note of irritation in K’lir’s voice that he didn’t even try to disguise. He made no effort to turn toward the sounds (what good would it do him?) and instead scooped a fingerful of the frosting up, before sucking it off irritably. He didn’t want company, and the voice indicated that whoever it was wanted to talk. Grumpy was K’lir, made more so by his loneliness, and having a perfect stranger come up and ask about it was almost enough to make him fling chairs. Of course, wildly inappropriate reactions weren’t unusual for K’lir. Especially not when he was upset to start with. He also wasn’t capable of hiding or suppressing his emotions in any way – everything that he felt came exploding out, for better or for worse. And he wasn’t happy, wasn’t feeling good and he didn’t recognize the voice speaking to him, asking about graduations and things – things he didn’t want to talk about. Hmm. He wondered, briefly, if he could nail the kid with the cake. That’d be funny…

… but unlikely to happen. His vision being gone, his aim was worse than before, and it had never been good to start with. The greenrider (heh – full-fledged rider again) tugged his knees up to his chest and settled his face into his knees. Grumble, grumble.

“Shouldn’t you be at the graduation with the rest of the Weyr?” Half of his tone was mocking – deliberately so – and K’lir didn’t even try to disguise that he was parroting the boy’s words back at him. He was getting really good at deciphering where people where based on sounds. For instance, he’d noticed that the boy was sneaking up – and then got louder. Did he expect to be able to sneak up on him, really? Probably didn’t know who he was dealing with. K’lir absently wondered if he should tie a blindfold over his face to help people figure out that he wasn’t able to see – but then, they’d still behave stupidly. Loss of one sense didn’t mean he was helpless; his others seemed sharper, more in tune with what he needed them to be. Survival instincts kicking in, whaaaat? He didn’t even know he had them. But apparently so.

“You were trying to sneak up on me. Here’s a clue: You gave yourself away by trying to be too quiet. Next time behave normally, I probably would be less suspicious – are you eating my cake? You better not be. I might be blind, but I’m not stupid and I’m definitely not above kicking you in the nads. It’s my cake.” K’lir made a face and tugged the cake plate over closer to himself, swiping some of the chocolate frosting away on his finger. He would never eat all of it. He wouldn’t even come close. For Faranth’s sake, he was already full. That was all beyond the point though because he hated sharing. He didn’t want to share. It was made for him by the drudges who felt sorry for him. And it was his. “What do you want?”

Where fatty Gold? Showoff questioned, looking at Darmori with a widely flared frill. Moni-gold’s slave, you are, yes? Where fatty? Where? Shouldn’t leave Fatty-gold. Why all golds Fatty? Why? Daelmiiiiiine…. Launching himself onto K’lir’s shoulder, he rubbed on his neck and did the salamandyr equivalent of mumbling repeated ‘Miss Daelmine’ to himself. K’lir twitched, but gave no indication of noticing him. Showoff really needed to get over her.

[Rei]

“You’re excused. Feel free to leave.”

Well now. That wasn’t very nice. Darmori frowned slightly and titled his head as he regarded the rider in front of him. No need to be so rude about it. The candidate might have left right then and there. If the guys hair hadn’t been so beautiful. Putting up with verbal diarrhea was worth it if he got to look at that color more. Was it natural? It sure looked like it. He had to fight the urge to lean over the table and run his fingers thought it. It was amazing. The irritated tone he was given was noted but, well, he was used to irritation being directed at him. One didn’t work in the kitchens and not get snapped at on a regular basis. He watched K’lir shift positions with slight interest. The guy seemed real grumpy. Shame. He continued to lick the frosting off his finger as the red head went on.

The mocking tone earned a true frown. Faranth. Did the guy have to be so mean? Who pissed in his klah? Still Darmori resolved himself to take the abuse. It would be worth it if he just got to even touch the guy’s hair. The comment about the cake had him smiling and he couldn’t help but compare K’lir to a weyrbrat all ticked off cause he didn’t want to share. Selfish. Still part of him was still curious. Why all the anger? What was he angry about?

It didn’t escape his noticed that the riders eyes ceased to focus on him. He was blind. That made him the rider who had re impressed a little over a turn ago. What was his name? K’ something. Sighing Darmori rubbed the back of his neck. Facial expressions and body language where about useless in this setting. Leaning back in his chair he smiled. “Thanks for the info. I’ll be more careful from now on. You’re good. Most people don’t hear me till I’m there. Then again they have more distractions then you do.” His eyes scanned the guy again, snagging on the bronze mandyr. Oh! Look a bronze. He was cute.

His eyes still on Showoff the candidate spoke again. “Ouch no nad kicking please. I won’t try and steal your cake. The frosting is awesome thought. Lucky.” He drawled in a happy tone as he licked his lips again. Showoff’s words caused him to nod vigorously. Darmori liked mandyrs quite a bit, maybe it was a by product of having Harmony but he treated them all like little people. Because honestly they seemed like little people to him. To bad they didn’t grow hair. “Yep. I’m Harmony’s slave. Th name is Darmori” He winced at the fatty comment however and was doubly glad his gold had been asleep when he left.

“She doesn’t like being called fat though. At all. She beats up those that call her fat. Just a warning. She might sit on you and you wouldn’t want that.” He made a face. Okay not sit on him but she wouldn’t even flinch at commanding other mandyrs to do her dirty work for her. “But you’re safe cause Mony is asleep as far as I know. She’s been a moody thing lately.” Idly Darmori flicked a crumb off the table. “She’s huge too. Way bigger than Dementia. Biggest queen mandyr in the weyr. Not just in girth either.” Wow she would kill him if she heard him speaking of her in such ways.

The bronze mandyr's sudden upset did not go without notice and the candidate frowned again. Wow such rain clouds over here. With a stretch the teen sighed. “So you must be that mandyr guy. Showoff is pretty. Can I ask you some questions? Emoyan said since I impressed a mandyr I am supposed to take classes on controlling mandyr run lust or something like that. ” Swinging his feet he again trained his eyes on the guys hair. God it was gorgeous. He could stare at it all night.

[glamourie]

King Showoff cares not for stupid Fatty fat. Showoff flared his frill at Darmori defiantly – daring him to continue with his speech. Like he was scared of some misguided, ignorant false-Gold. False-gold, she was, yes, yes. Dael was the only true Gold and Dael was gone, and Showoff missed her terribly. His frill flared wider and he hissed softly. G’way, slave. Not want, not want. Cakenommer. Not like fatty slave’s. Not Daelmine’s. Not as good. Daelmine best. Miss, miss. Miss Daelmine. Miiiiss… His frill deflated slightly and he squirmed for a moment before eying the other boy testily. Not His. Had a gold salamandyr that wasn’t Dael. He didn’t trust this one and he was staring. Staring rude, Monyfatty’s. Stop. Showoff destroy. Shade help – wherever stupid is. He didn’t know where His’s seeing-eye-flit went. Probably sleeping somewhere (he went to sleep fairly early). He’d make him help destroy this one though, if he didn’t go away. Grrr. Showoff flattened himself, his little ribs showing against his sides. Angry salamandyr smash.

“And what is that supposed to mean?” K’lir asked with a hint of venom in his voice (ignoring his salamandyr). Little known fact: Implying that he was only ‘better’ at something because of a disability was a good way to make him angry. He was tempted to show the boy just how much of a lack of distraction he had. Really. His eyes half-lidded in what was definitely not a friendly look and he drummed his fingertips on the top of the table. “You know, you probably should stop talking. Aside from making me roll my eyes at you, you’re also irritating me, which tempts me to have Baoth drop you over the river. I don’t even know who you are, Darmori. Your name doesn’t help summon up an image and my seeing-eye-slave is sleeping. My name isn’t that mandyr guy either – but yes, you can ask questions if you stay out of my sharding cake. Today’s my graduation day and I don’t feel like sharing it with anyone.”

Unfriendly, yes, and… upset. Being called “that mandyr guy” didn’t help his mood any. He was tempted to snap more (yes, he was capable of snapping more than he already had) but it gained him nothing. He settled for curling up tighter into a ball and swiping his fingers into the frosting, then licking them individually. He really didn’t care what the guy’s salamandyr thought of him. Or what his salamandyr thought of Darmori. He was hoping maybe if he answered him, the boy (candidate? Was he a candidate?) would leave him to his wallowing. Why did he ever think it was better to be in the main hall than the weyrling barracks? At least there, he’d have gotten some amusement.

“You’re supposed to learn to control your connection to your salamandyr because they bond as tightly as dragons do. When they’re upset, their emotions affect you. Runlust impacts much the same way. What that means for you, kiddo, is that when your little Goldie runs, you’re going to be begging someone to put it in you. Congratulations, you’re going to bottom. Surprise?” Probably not the kindest way to break that news to the kid but hey, he stole some of his frosting, he so had it coming. “The problem is, it’s not something you can exactly learn through a class. It takes practice and self-control, and if you don’t have much of either, you’re screwed. What I do is latch onto Baoth, but then, you don’t have a Baoth to latch onto and I don’t share well. What do you want? Classes aren’t scheduled for today.”

[Rei]

Darmori’s frown only deepened as Showoff started spouting off about Harmony being fat. Yeah he knew she was fat. He even would admit to it himself. (Never when she was awake! That would be mean and uncalled for.) But all the same he didn’t like other people insulting his pet. Even if it was a bronze mandyr doing the insulting. The candidate had to wonder what was so horrible that these two felt the need to sit and grump at seemingly everyone. Kicking his feet from his position on the chair Darmori sighed and rubbed at the back of his neck. Quit staring? He looked down at the bronze mandyr and shrugged. Not his fault that K’lir had awesome hair. Hair he would very much like to have for his collection. Nibbling on his bottom lip the teen decided to leave well enough alone and just not comment back to the bronze. Whatever he’d stop staring. Not that he was afraid of a creature that small. Showoff destroy? Yeah okay.

The candidate was all for conversing with people. He was normally good at it to. Still never had he met with this much animosity from someone before. Seriously? What /was/ this guys problem? He wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t have any friends the way he acted. Tracing the grain of the wooden table with a finger Darmori almost started at the question coming from the greenrider. “Huh? What’s what supposed to mean?” He asked curiously as he tried to backpedal and come up with what the man was talking about. Oh yeah the blind thing? He probably didn’t want an answer to the rhetorical question. If he did to bad. He was just trying to be nice but whatever. Tilting his head Darmori listened as K’lir proceeded to rant. Point taken. No more talking. No more compliments. Yes he could do that. Shrugging himself he mumbled. “Whatever chocolate isn’t my favorite flavor anyway.” Nope not at all. Berry all the way. Eyes flicking back to the greenrider’s hair he smiled. “Sorry. I know your name is K’something but yeah I forgot the rest of it.. Horrible memory sometimes.” He grinned at himself and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

Before the candidate could come up with any questions however. K’lir was already going on. So much for any questions he had come up with. Didn’t really matter though the rider was effectively answering them without him having to verbalize them. He listened carefully as the greenrider made his comments. Ewww. He was going to end up bottoming? Made sense but still not news he really wanted. Darmori wasn’t really put off by sex. He had been raised in a weyr after all. All the same it wasn’t something he actively thought about. It didn’t really excite him or anything. Not like pretty hair did. Whatever, he didn’t have a dragon to help him. So looked like he was, as K’lir so elegantly put it screwed. He did love Harmony though, and it was completely natural for her to want a mate. He’d just have to suck it up and deal with it for her. She was the only family he had. Loved her more than anything else in the whole wide world. Sometimes life sucked. Deal with it. That’s the advice he had gotten multiple times throughout his sixteen years. Yeah this might suck.

Sighing once loudly Darmori shrugged. “I didn’t really want anything. I guess I just saw you here with Showoff and wondered why you looked so sad. Guess that’s pretty nosy.” He snorted. “I just thought maybe you’d like an ear. I was wrong. My bad.” He turned his attention back to Showoff then and gave a slight smile. “Anyway. Guess since I’ve bothered you enough I should leave.” Kicking his foot once more he lowered the chair to the floor and scooted back. “By the way your hair is amazing. Is that color natural?” He stood as he waited for that answer. If it was natural he so had to have some. It would be like one of the best hair braids in his collection.