Old Life, New Friends... (Kaius)

[Aftershock]

Tselitel flitted from shadow to shadow in the male Candidate Barracks, avoiding the few shafts of sunlight coming from the small holes carved in the ceiling of the large room. It was early morning, and the neon green firelizard seemed to not understand that the morning light made even the dimmest shadow unable to hide her incredibly bright hide, as she ignored the various looks she got crouching along behind footlockers and moving from bunkbed to bunkbed towards her goal.

Finally she spotted her target, and gripped the scroll she was carrying tightly in her muscular front legs as she hopped up a nearby bunkbed and perched on the top of the bedpost nearest her objective. He was chatting with another Candidate, and she crouched down, bunching her muscles and shifting her hips in preparation, her wings pulled down against her so she was shaped like an arrowhead.

After a moment, the Candidate her target was speaking to took notice of her pointing directly at his conversational partner, and pointed at her, directing her target's attention to her. She waited until he was in the middle of turning, and she could look in his eyes, before she launched herself at Kaius like an arrow out of a bow. Slamming into the boy's chest with one of her shoulders, she battered his face with her muscular wings, attempting to knock the boy off-balance so he would fall on his back.

[Zephyr]

Now, K'aius didn't know much about flirting, but he knew how to talk to a pretty girl when she wasn't trying to work him over. At the present moment, the tall boy was chatting with one of the new candidates and was currently regaling her with tales of the hatchings he had stood for previously, including Millieth's last hatching at Selenitas, before they had merged with Burimyu. The girl was sufficiently impressed and the boy was piling it on for her sake, until the girl noticed something to the side. A little frustrated at her horrible timing, he turned to see what she was pointing at in time to see a neon green firelizard flying directly at him.

It was hard for him to think anything as he was seconds away from being collided with by a very muscular, possibly mentally insane flit, but he thought it looked young? Whatever the case, the flit slammed into him, then flapped its wings in his face. " What the hell? Get away you little monster!" He didn't fall over, as the flit didn't have the sheer body size to just knock him over like that, even if he had been surprised. Whatever the case, Kaius would flail slightly, hands reaching out to try and grab the firelizard, possibly obtaining a few bites if he succeeded in grabbing her. Even if he wasn't able to grab her, he would at least push her away from his face.

Who's flit was this and why was she attacking him? He looked for a little help from the girl he had been talking to, but she was long gone. Well, at least she had some brains.

[Aftershock]

Tselitel battled with Kaius for a bit, batting his grasping hands away with wing and claw... though due to her genetic condition, her claws were dull and at most he would have some minor bruising on his hands from her attack. Finally, she decided he had won this encounter, and banked away from him, landing again on the bedpost she had launched herself from.

Chirruping at the boy matter-of-factly to indicate his victory, she took the scroll in her paws and tossed it at Kaius' head, then, mission accomplished, she took wing and flew out of the Candidate Barracks back to Hers' room.

[Zephyr]

Finally the firelizard seemed to have had enough of fighting with him and it landed on the bed, watching Kaius with whirring eyes. He faced it for a moment, breathing a bit harder before it tossed its parcel at him and disappeared, off to wherever it had come from. " Good riddance." He said, catching the note and unraveling it slowly. What was this all about? It was at that moment that Kind decided to waddle into the room. His belly was very round, and blood spotted his maw. He blinked at his bonded, climbing up the bed with a belly full of warm meat. What's that? He asked, walking over to Kaius and crowding the boy, trying to get a look at the note.

Luckily for him, the bronze couldn't read. He was content with sharing the contents of the note with the salamandyr, however, whatever case. " It's from Lilu. She wants to meet?" King fell back, head tilting to the side. Pretty pretty? Why? Oh, so the salamandyr was aware of Kaius' thoughts towards the girl. Kaius didn't dislike Lilu. He wasn't sure how he thought about her, though. Whatever had happened at the hatching seemed to have driven a wedge between them. Maybe she felt it too? Maybe that's why she sent a firelizard with a note instead of coming to see him herself. He crumbled the note up. " Iunno." He answered the salamandyr. King pulled the note out of Kaius' relenting hands and smoothed it nicely against the bed with his paws, working out the wrinkles. You go? Kaius considered this for a long time. Why shouldn't he go, really? Lilu was his friend, even if nothing else could happen. But, something told him she was utterly and irrevocably different. Yeah. He said finally, rising to his feet. "Coming?" King didn't have to be asked twice. He scrambled his' clothing, claws piercing the boy's thread as his meat heavy, awkward form waddled up the length of Kai's back to his shoulder.

He walked to the weyrling barracks. He could probably have walked in to get her himself, but he wasn't too keen on seeing any of them, and he was feeling slightly vindictive at the moment. She didn't want to lower herself to fetching him? He didn't have to either. " Go find her, please." He asked of King. The salamandyr crooned and glided (more like fell with how full he was) to the ground. Then he skittered into the barracks, looking for Lilu to tell her his was outside.

[Aftershock]

Lilu paced the halls outside her barracks room, hands behind her back. Venideth was sleeping on his couch inside her room, still tired from the hatching a couple days prior. She checked her new flightleathers once more, smoothing the material down and picking at a stray thread she swear she saw, unsure if she was simply waiting for nothing. Ever since she had regained access to her memories, she had resumed her previous personality, but she still remembered everything from when she first came to Selenitas. She remembered Kaius, and the feelings she had had towards him... and still sort of did. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't access the social skills her "other incarnation" had apparently used with such ease, so it was remembering through someone else's eyes. It bothered her, and she hoped a meeting with the Candidate boy might help ease her confusion.

Lilu stopped pacing when she suddenly spotted the sluggishly overstuffed King waddling down the hallway. Recognizing the bronze 'mandyr, Lilu looked behind him, then walked down the hall towards him a few steps, exploring it for any sign of Kaius. "King, where is your bonded? Did he get my note?"

[Zephyr]

The bronze salamandyr was on the verge of turning around when he didn't immediately see Lilu. He was sure Kaius would believe him if he told his bonded that he couldn't find the girl. So, he was understandably very thrilled when he saw her. The salamandyr trilled, wings lifting and frill extending happily. It was getting very difficult to move very far or very fast with such a full belly. In fact, he shouldn't even be out and about like this. He should be curled up on Kai's pillow fast asleep. Why had he agreed on going? Perhaps it was the proespect of some juicy gossip that got him moving? Whatever the case, at least he had found her.

Yes yes. Found note. Mine is outside waiting. Come, come. Hurry.

That was funny, especially when King himself couldn't move terribly fast. Regardless, he turned around, running as fast as his full belly could allow him towards where Kaius was waiting for Lilu, leading the girl to his boy. Come onnnn!

[Aftershock]

Lilu followed the bronze 'mandyr as he shuffled down the hallway. Soon, he rounded a corner, and there stood Kaius. Actually seeing him now, Lilu was at a bit of a loss, and said, "Oh, there you are, Kaius. I'm glad you got my message." Trying once more to dig through her memories to remember how to deal with social situations such as this, she gave Kaius a most awkward smile, and her body went from standing at parade rest to trying to be more loose and relaxed, and back again, her body and expression exuding massive waves of awkwardness and uncomfortableness as she cleared her throat and said, "Er... how have you... um... how have you been, Kaius? Since, er, the hatching?"

[Zephyr]

King was happy that he had finally found the girl. Once she was behind him, he waddled a little bit faster. The outside beckoned him lovingly and he shot outside, amazingly fast for something as full as he was. The mandyr shot past Kaius, heading straight towards the barracks. It had been a bad idea to come here in the first place. He should have been sound asleep, curled up in bed. Not sloshing his food around and coming close to losing all of it. Kaius watched the salamandyr, following his progress past his feet. King was strange sometimes. He had learned that a long time ago.

When Lilu finally exited the barracks, Kaius forgot about King. He watched the girl carefully. For all intents and purposes, this was the girl he had been so fond of. But...it wasn't. She didn't look any different. But she was certainly dressed different. Much more formal than any weyrlings he had ever known. If he didn't know her any better, and he was beginning to see that he didn't know her at all, he would have called her clothing and her bearing pretentious. He didn't like thinking that way about Lilu. No matter how she changed...she was still Lilu...right?

" Erm...hello, Lilu." He just didn't know how to act around her anymore. The old way seemed to informal. He felt like he should salute her or something, and his own prideful nature kept him from doing that. Weyrlings were no more important than candidates, as far as the weyr was concerned, but why did he feel so strange around her. He lifted a brow at her then. " I've been fine. How have you been...and your dragon?" It was strange, saying that to her. He never expected her to impress a blue. A green would have been nice, he thought...but a blue...not that there was anything wrong with blues. But things got complicated in flights. " Since when did you get a firelizard?" He thought about the little neon devil who had assaulted him earlier.

[Aftershock]

Lilu watched Kaius, and even in her current state, could recognize his discomfort... he obviously was expecting the girl he knew before, and this change disturbed him. "Venideth is doing well... he is resting after the hatching, as it is very tiring for young dragonlings, breaking out of their shell and having their first full meal of meat." Stepping closer to the teenager, she sighed a bit and said, "He is not why I called you here, however. We... must speak."

Moving yet closer to Kaius, she couldn't help but feel strange as she looked at him... it was something like what she'd felt the first time she'd participated in a Flight with Fellsareth, but... different. She remembered his rescue of her during the earthquake, and hugging him... and that made the feeling even stronger, whatever it was. Shaking her head a bit to clear it, now only a few feet from the Candidate, she said, "I'll... just try to make this as simple as possible, though even I don't understand everything. The Lilu you knew... I'm not her. At least, not completely. I still remember what I did when I was her, but... I'm who I was before I was her, now."

Seeing what was likely a look of utter confusion on Kaius' face, she began speaking quickly, trying to rush all the info out of her before she could convince herself this was useless. "I... was a rider, at Benden. I had a dragon, but he..." The memories came back once more, and she paused as the pain washed through her. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she began again, her voice a bit cracked with emotion, "...he died, in an attack by Fort over Igen Hold. I was knocked unconscious before he betweened, however, and was not touching him, so when I awoke, he was gone without me. I tried to kill myself, but the Holders that found me held me down, and dosed me with fellis to calm me... somehow the combination of heavy fellis and the injury that knocked me unconscious blocked my memories of Fellsareth, and everything associated with him, leaving me as the Lilu you knew."

The unknown emotion she felt towards Kaius combined with the pain of the memory of Fellsareth's death were becoming a bit overwhelming, so she turned away from the boy for a moment in an attempt to help her maintain control, and continued, "In Benden, I was a soldier. I was raised to be the perfect dragonrider, bred from the best dragonriders. I did not have family, I did not have friends. I had my training... and later, I had Fellsareth. With Venideth, the hole in my soul was patched, and it helped me remember who I was... but it's different, now." Turning back to catch Kaius' eyes once more, she continued, "Now, I know there's more than just being the perfect soldier... the perfect dragonrider. I know that I was capable of being... something else. I... felt something towards you, before. I still do, now, though I can't explain what it is..."

Averting her gaze, her expression hardened a bit in determination, and she flicked her grey-blue eyes back up to Kaius and said, "I... I wish to ask you to help me. Help me understand what these feelings I remember are. Help me understand how to make friends... I know I had them... at least, I had you..." Her lips twitched a bit, and she quickly continued," ...and though I remember doing it, I somehow cannot remember how. My memories are like watching through the eyes of a stranger. I have no frame of reference for such... social things." Moving forward to place her hands on his shoulders, she looked deep into his eyes with an intense stare and pleaded, "Please... help me understand."

[Zephyr]

Kaius flinched imperceptibly when Lilu spoke. He hadn't wanted to hear her dragons name. Didn't want to know it. That made it more real...the fact that she was obviously superior to him in some way that he couldn't see...that all the weyrlings were better than him for some reason...but they were just kids. Just lucky kids. " I can imagine." He said almost under his breath. Was there a tone of condensation there? Probably, but she likely wouldn't know why he would have that in his tone. " What?" He had a slightly confused look on his face after she kept on going. " Why?" Whatever would you want with a little candidate, Lilu?

Obviously, he was about to find out...and how.

He didn't back up when she stepped forth, nor did he look confused, not anymore. Any confusion he might have had was for the fact that she thought they needed to talk. He didn't know what he felt anymore. Whatever it was hadn't been the same. Ever since she impressed and didn't acknowledge him on the sands that day, it was like something had torn. While he understood that she probably had other things on her mind at the moment. To just simply ignore the existence of someone who cared about you so deeply that they didn't want to see you hurt anymore? Anger surged beneath the surface, but he didn't say anything, and he wouldn't let her see any of this.

Instead, he listened silently while she kept on talking. Her tale was a wild one, and it would have been interesting to him, had he not been battling the emotions welling up within him. Luckily, he didn't have to respond, as she just kept on talking. Not expression crossed his features, nothing to let the girl know how he was thinking as she kept talking. He wasn't actively trying to infuriate the girl, but he didn't trust himself at the moment, and he needed to be able to do that. He twitched slightly when she spoke of her feelings. Whatever feelings she might have had were irrelevant. It wasn't her who had had those feelings in the first place, remember?

As she finally started to wind down and put her hands on his shoulders, he was silent for a long time, looking into her eyes. He didn't quite understand what she wanted of him. Lifting a hand, he put his hand on her shoulder, putting some space between the two of them before he finally spoke. " Look...Lilu.." If that even is your name... "...I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a dragon. I only have King, but if something happened to him..." It wasn't the same. It wasn't even close, but still, he felt the bond between he and his salamandyr. Strong. Healthy as the mandyr slept off his meal. Kaius' head was down, eyes closed as that bond gave him strength to speak again. "...but...I don't know what you want me to do. Help you? Sure. That's fine, but how am I supposed to do that? I don't have any experience with amnesia. I don't know how it works. Can you even bring the two parts of you together? Is that even a good idea?" He didn't think that the world would implode if old Lilu met new...but still. They had been separate for a reason, right?

" I want to help you, really. But I need you to tell me exactly how. But, I also need you to know. Whatever there was between us before? It's different than it is now. You're a different person, Lilu. Completely different, and I can't say I would have fallen for this person. But...I still want to help you. To be your friend."

Even if things will never be the same.

[Aftershock]

Lilu let the boy speak, as he had let her speak her part without interruption. Her expression remained mostly neutral, though internally she admitted that she had little hope that he somehow knew how to gain access to her other skills. Her expression did sour a bit when he admitted that whatever he felt for her before was different now... somehow she knew it would be, but the unknown feeling in her chest changed at his words, felt... worse. As if she'd lost something important, though she didn't know what.

Taking the hand on her shoulder into her own, a bit confused by the odd tingle she felt when his skin touched hers, her mouth twisted into a legitimate slight smile as she said, "Thank you, Kaius, so much. I... I know things are different than they were, and I'm... sorry things had to change between us. I understand, though, if you don't feel the same way towards me, since I well understand it's as if you knew a completely different person." Sighing, honestly this time, unlike the posed deep sighs used mostly to draw attention to her chest like she remembered her other self doing, she released his hand and continued, "Just being... my friend... makes me feel much better. I've... never had a friend before... at least, not as I am... now... or was before, back in Benden..." Her eyes dropped for a moment, thoughtful and a bit sad, then returned to Kaius'. "I think that you could... train me, for lack of a better word. Tell me what friends do with each other, how they react. How to talk to people to make them like you. I think that if I can... understand how friends talk to one another, perhaps I'll succeed in accessing the skills my other self used."

Reaching to grasp his hand again, realizing she enjoyed the odd tingle it caused in her own skin, she concluded, "I know how to be the perfect soldier... but... I hope you can train me to be a... person, I suppose." Catching his eyes once more with hers, she added, "I know this is asking a lot from you. If you... have anything you would ask of me... I will do what I can to give it to you."

[Zephyr]

He liked that she didn’t interrupt. He liked that she didn’t really show much emotion to his words. It was hard enough for him to say this without her getting upset at him, though he doubted this Lilu would get upset like the other Lilu would. That Lilu had been girly and emotional, this one…not so much. He liked seeing emotion in girls, the more over the top the better…that was probably due to his own goofy nature, but still. He couldn’t imagine not knowing Lilu, at all. But at the same time, he didn’t want more with her…not like she was.

She smiled as she took his hand, and he did not back away. He listened to her, his own face not betraying any of the emotions he felt. He was good at that most of the time. In fact, most of the time Kaius had an apathetic look on his face, and he acted the part most of the time. When she released him, his hand dropped and he continued listening. He had no intention of leaving her high and dry…just, he didn’t want to know her dragon. The thought of ever meeting him was like pouring salt into the raw wound that was the hatching. Though, he knew that it was inevitable, really.

As she spoke, his expression changed. A subtle frown found the corners of his mouth. She grabbed his hands again, he shook his head. “ Lilu. You aren’t a canine, and you aren’t a machine. You’re a human girl. You don’t have to be so damn formal all the time. It makes people feel alienated and puts them off of you. Don’t use words like train and accessing when you’re talking about yourself. It makes people think you think you're better than they are.” He put a hand on her shoulder again, half smiling at her. “ Just…relax.” He said at length, trying to make her feel more at ease with the idea. “ Don’t make people think you’re stuck up, because you aren’t.” At least, the old Lilu kinda had been, so maybe this one was just acting. “ Do what your heart says and ignore your head for a while. You aren’t trying to impress anyone. Venideth would have found you regardless.”

You have no idea how hard that name was for him to say.

[Aftershock]

Lilu listened to Kaius speak, still holding his hands. She sat for a moment after he finished, thinking, looking into his eyes as if the answers to her questions dwelt within. "What your heart says," she whispered quietly, as if speaking only to herself. She searched in her memories, remembering her interactions with the young man before her, his rescue of her during the earthquake, even after she had treated him like a slave during their first encounter. "Your heart..." she repeated, even quieter.

She thought about the feeling in her chest, the tingle on her skin when she touched him. Suddenly, she made a decision. Releasing Kaius' hands, she embraced him closely, and kissed him passionately. She would continue the kiss for at least a half-minute, unless Kaius pushed her away. Finally, she broke the kiss, pulling her head back but not loosening her embrace (unless Kaius pushed her away, which she would not fight), looking deep into Kaius' eyes once more, silent, letting her actions speak for her instead of the words that continued to fail her.

[Zephyr]

He had been watching Lilu with a curious look in his eye as he rendered her nearly speechless. Kaius was confused for a moment. What he said hadn’t been that profound, was it? Many questions sprang to the awkward boy’s mind, and he was searching for something, to say…anything. But, before he could find anything halfway worthwhile to say to the girl, she had let go of him and before he could think further on this anomaly, she had him in her arms and her face was close to his’…too close. Then her lips were on his and his eyes were wide.

Kaius didn’t immediately push Lilu away. He was in a state of shock. Hadn’t this been what he wanted just six months ago, before the hatching? True, but it wasn’t anymore. Lilu was a different person. This was a Lilu he didn’t know if he liked as more than a friend, and he had told her this! Before she had finished with her kiss, Kaius had pulled away from her, shaking his head with an apologetic look in his normally apathetic eyes. “ Lilu, no. This isn’t what I mean.” He bit his lip, wondering if he hadn’t been clear enough with the girl and took a step away from her, his head screaming at the lack of contact between the two of them. Yes, his body had liked the contact with the girl, but it wasn’t right.

He knew it wasn’t right.

“ Lilu…” He said at last, looking imploringly into the girls eyes. “ The last thing I want to do is hurt you. I just…” He searched for the words. “…want to be friends. Is that too much to ask for?” He wouldn’t leave her, not even now. She needed him, he could see that. He just hoped she could take the hint. “ I’m sorry.” He said very softly, realizing that he had probably hurt her just now. He just couldn’t let her kiss him, not when he didn’t feel the same way anymore.

[Aftershock]

Lilu stepped back from Kaius, listening to his words, her expression twisting into one of confusion and a bit of pain. "I... I'm sorry, Kaius. I thought you would enjoy kissing me, and I did enjoy kissing you. But you are right... it is different now. It felt different, and... and I am different." Averting her gaze momentarily, he looked back up at him, her eyes a bit misty as the loss of what she'd barely experienced hit her... like losing a child before you even know it's name.

Inhaling deeply to try to calm herself, with only a slight sniffle interrupting the inhalation, she blinked a couple tears from her eyes, wiping them away shamefully with the back of her hand, and cleared her throat slightly before saying, "Th-thank you, Kaius. Thank you for wanting to stay my friend. Thank you for now, and thank you for helping me in the future..." Finally, the dam broke, and Lilu latched onto Kaius once more, wrapping her arms tight around him and burying her head in his shoulder, sobbing as her tightly-held emotions were finally released.